Last Updated on August 31, 2020

When it comes to the bedroom, they are two types of people. Givers and takers. Now in order to be a better lover, you need to be versed in both.

More often than not, the man tends to be the taker and that’s something women absolutely dislike. Unfortunately, a lot of men have no ideas they are takers. They believe they are givers.

A LOVER WITH AN AGENDA

When I hear someone say “But I am a giver…”. It’s almost always a phrase that is used to mask something else. In that person’s mind, they might think they are a giver, but I have found it the opposite. I almost always find that their touch is all about taking, and that is not a turn-on for a woman. 

With those men, the giving becomes taking, because they aren’t listening and paying attention to the other person’s response to the touch. They touch to arouse themselves, and they are not connected to or committed to, the pleasure of the other.

I have a theory, that these men have such a great fear of intimacy that they need to be in control at all times, instead of letting go, and listening, and being in the service role — the true purpose of the giver. 

A woman can feel the difference when there’s an agenda, or when the touch is not about her pleasure. There’s an objectification that happens, and it kills the potential for deep, real intimacy to emerge.

The sex stays at a level one – superficially physical – and it’s impossible for both partners to experience multi-dimensional, mind-blowing sex. That fully satisfying kind of sexual connection takes deep intimacy, vulnerability, listening, and responding. 

READ THIS: HOW TO TRULY SATISFY A WOMAN IN BED

BECOMING A BETTER LOVER

For many men, it is a challenging concept to receive, as they are stuck in the “giving” paradigm. You know that place, where the only way for you to feel safe, secure, and fulfilled is to give to another.

I find it’s also the same men for whom receiving is foreign, somewhat scary, so it’s easier to close the door than to feel the discomfort. After all, most people resist good feelings, and we have been conditioned to limit what we can take in.

Interestingly enough, I have noticed a pattern among the men being challenged by receiving. 

Our greatest satisfaction comes from the art of receiving.

You see, in the bedroom, it’s not just about giving your woman more pleasure. It’s also about receiving more pleasure. So here is where we draw the lines. Receiving is not taking – the two are different in the way they affect your partner.

When she sees you taking all of her in and receiving her touch fully, she gets great joy from it, and her heart opens to you. 

When you can only get pleasure from “giving,” which I have noticed is actually “taking,” and you can’t receive her loving touch for all the beauty she is putting into it, and all the caring she is feeling, then a part of her shuts down, and her heart closes. And so does her pussy. Yes, the two are connected, without exception. 

THE ART OF RECEIVING

Most people resist pleasure, and when your sole pleasure comes from being in control of your partner’s pleasure, you are denying a part of yourself that craves to be nourished and denying a gift to your partner when you receive her fully.

To have love received is one of the greatest fulfillment in life. Give her that to open her heart and soul to you, and you will be amazed at the depth of connection that happens. And then watch for the sparks to turn into flames. 

Surrendering is key. In other words – give up control! Love and control are opposites. To fully experience love, you’ve got to let go. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 108 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN WEAK AT THE KNEES AND CRAVE YOU

My tip:: Try a pleasure session.

Lie back and have your partner give you a genital massage while merely taking it all in, without reaching for her breasts or trying to kiss her or hold her or making any deal to give back.

Surrender to the pleasure and do nothing but receive and open up. Give her the chance to gift you for a change. If you like giving, then you can imagine what it might feel like for her to give to you. 

And when you are in touch with the sensations in your body, you can then start to feel your partner’s pleasure.

So give yourself permission to open up to more pleasure in your life. You deserve to receive pleasure. A relationship where you can both be a giver and a receiver with ease is a great relationship. 

And it will transform your relationship and sex into something much higher. 

P.S:: No, partner? No problem! Pleasure sessions are my zone of genius. So contact me.