Last Updated on August 31, 2020

I am about to bring you a radically new way of thinking and approaching sex.

If you want more sex with your woman, you need to stop pressuring her to have an orgasm every single time. For most women, this is not a sustainable way to have sex. Sometimes orgasms happen and sometimes they don’t, and it’s not a big deal. 

I know it can be hard for some men to wrap their heads around that concept. However, a lot of women are totally okay if they don’t reach orgasms every time. And yes, we still prefer to orgasm as often as possible, but we can also feel content without one.

DROP THE EXPECTATION

Sadly, the most prevalent model when people think about sex is a sprint to the finish line. Everything points to the orgasm as a goal, and that concept is denying us all the chance to deeply connect both physically and emotionally, which is the most valuable gift of sexual connection. It is a prolonged pleasure, not a brief explosion and fireworks that brings the benefit of sex. 

This is how sex works, and why you want to take it slow.

When you start to get aroused, your brain starts to get flooded with neurochemicals. These are messengers that trigger your feelings of love, attachment, and well being. 

If you aren’t taking the time to build the pleasure, the level of chemicals and hormones released is lower. The pleasure is less, and the benefit to your body and cells is less. A quick sex session is not going to nourish her deeply, which means it will not create the bonding, connection, and love you want her to feel. 

Now, if she is under stress, her hormone levels are already depleted, most specifically oxytocin. If her “oxytocin account” is low, just the thought of having sex and being pressured to orgasm will make her dread having sex with you. And I assume that is not the result you are looking for. You would rather have sex with her in a way that makes her want more, right? 

When you have no expectations, and she is not feeling any pressure for anything but only having fun and connecting, she will enjoy herself more. And she will feel more deeply fulfilled, more connected, and more like a woman. 

READ THIS: THE SECRET TO OPENING YOUR WOMAN SEXUALLY

FOCUS ON THE JOURNEY

Pleasure is in the journey, not the destination. 

Now imagine… if instead of making your sexual encounter goal-oriented, you simply showed up providing nurturing touch for your woman, what do you think would happen? 

What if, rather than expecting her to have an orgasm, you simply supported her in finding an opening into her own pleasure? What if you made the journey all about her?

Stop linking your worth to how many orgasms she has.

Orgasms aren’t like flowers someone gives to her. Orgasms are simply something a woman can choose to open to.  If she isn’t pressured to give you the satisfaction of making her cum, she can receive so much more.

Remember, an orgasm is a release of all the energy that has been building. If you rush to release, the pleasure does not build the energy, and you lose the enormous benefits of soaking in that healing energy. 

When a man pleasures a woman with the intention to “make her cum”, which unfortunately is the language of most porn, and most self-help sex courses, the man is quite often just serving his own need to feel like a man, through her. Stop relying on her orgasms to prop yourself up. Stop pleasuring her with any agenda at all, and you will find she can build something much greater… something much more beautiful.

Pleasure can build to be a powerful healing force that can circulate through both of you, for as long as you allow it. The longer it circulates at higher levels, the more it heals everything inside you. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 02 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN BED

SEX ISN’T ABOUT WANTING

Sex is about providing the other what they need. This means dropping your expectations of a particular outcome and simply showing up and meet them where they are at. 

Listen to your partner, get curious, ask her “ What does sex give you?” and then provide her with what she needs. 

A happy woman is a battery charger.

When your woman is happy, she is radiant and filled with life force energy that permeates through her skin. By touching her you are recharging your battery. Pleasure is her battery, and your woman is yours. 

Sex is about connection and boosting pleasure and love chemicals for our well being and happiness.

So drop the goal and have more sex!