Last Updated on August 31, 2020

According to Pornhub 2018 year in review, people all around the globe spend over 5 billion hours watching porn. That’s a lot of wasted time!

Sex is natural and precious. It can be a beautiful part of life. Sex can bring connection, intimacy, pleasure, emotional health, deeper relationships, enhanced immunity, as well as a sense of well-being.

I believe that forced sex, rape, and anything not in consent is damaging to the psyche on many levels.

And because having a sexual connection is so intimate, vulnerable, taboo, and suppressed in our society, sex can also be quite hurtful when unintentional assumptions, misconceptions, and expectations occur.

So it’s not whether we do sex, but rather how we do sex that makes a massive difference in how it benefits or hurts.

And it doesn’t matter whether you call it “fucking,” “making love,” “sex,” or “sleeping with,” it’s how you treat each other that makes the difference.

1. PORN IS NOT GOOD SEX EDUCATION

Porn has become the most extensive sex resource, and that’s where most people are finding their information about sex.

Public schools primarily teach the horrors of sex and preach abstinence. At best, governments hand out condoms to “protect you.” At worst, they show photos of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) to instill fear.

Some religious institutions teach that having sex before marriage is a sin, and masturbation is even worse. Corporations forbid coworker relationships. There’s a lot of shame placed on our bodies and sexuality.

So it’s no wonder that most people find their first experience of sex on porn sites. Porn is so much in-demand online that it drives the internet to create new technologies to handle the volume. It is sad that most people get their sex education from watching porn.

Did you know that the average age of first exposure to porn is now age 11 years old?

As soon as a child can type in a new word and search for what a “penis” is, they get ads for porn and click to see how it goes. A friend of mine has a son whose first exposure to sex was on a site where all the men wore masks, and all the women wore harnesses. So guess what that led this eight-year-old to believe about sex?

His definition of sex and expectations followed what he saw.

READ THIS: 5 THINGS PORN DOESN’T TEACH YOU

 2. SEX FILMS ARE FICTION NOT DOCUMENTARY

Porn is not real sex; it’s entertainment. They cut scenes and remove a lot of crucial details. I mean, who wants to watch the fluffing and anal stretching preparation?

Porn stars are acting and showing what they think people want and give that to the camera. And we only know what we are told, taught, or see about sex. So we naturally believe porn is how real people do sex at home. If we never see otherwise, how would we know that anything else exists?

As a result, many of the men I meet and consult have the belief that women like having a man cum in their face or are always ready and willing to do it in any holes.  Sometimes they are surprised, hurt, confused and frustrated when they hear otherwise from a woman.

Many of the women I meet and consult think women are supposed to take it up to the ass, without warming up, without condoms, and without asking. They think something is wrong with them because they don’t orgasm as quickly as in porn. Imagine how damaging these assumptions can be.

If you imagine having your first sex experience, with all those ridiculous assumptions about sex, how do you think real sex would feel?

3. PORN DOESN’T PREPARE FOR REAL EXPERIENCES

Imagine the following scene. A young man assumes that all women want a hard cock right away, without condoms, without lubrication, and without massaging or licking her first to get her engorged, wet and ready.

This man does what he thinks she wants because in his heart he wants to please her. So here it goes. First, if he can get himself hard, under those circumstances, he mounts her and starts to put it in. If she’s like most women, it will just plain hurt. She probably leaves unfulfilled, and she might begin to dread sex and shy away from it.

Can you imagine how these misconceptions can hurt or damage either you or your partner? If you have any of these misconceptions, then you know it can negatively affect your relationships.

Use porn sparingly and with discernment. And always prioritize real-life sex over virtual sex, because you rip so much more benefits from giving and receiving touch.

FOUR ALTERNATIVES TO PORN

I can suggest several healthy ways to watch sex that can increase your intimacy, connection, and love.

  1. Make your own porn, trust me it’s hot and you get real benefits.
  2. Watch “real sex” videos, even if they seem a little long or boring, they are real.
  3. Take “better sex” workshops to access the sex ed you wished you had received.
  4. Watch friends having sex, whether you invite them for a party at your house or attend a sex party.

Yes, all these are a little risqué and wild for most people, but worth it. The first time I watched friends making love, it showed me a whole new field of possibilities.

When I heard and saw the beauty of sex for the first time, it was profoundly moving, freeing, and confirming that it is indeed natural and beautiful. I will never forget it.