Last Updated on August 21, 2020

Stress is everywhere and affects just about everyone in one way or another. Getting excited to be with someone you love can sometimes feel overwhelming and at times impossible. 

Stress is one of the biggest mood killers, and one of the leading causes of unfulfilling relationships. 

So, managing pressure is essential. But before we dive into ways to cope with and manage stress, let’s set the record straight. 

TWO MYTHS TO LET GO OF TO HAVE SEX

1. To have sex, you must already be turned on.  

If you are waiting for the perfect mood to strike so you can get frisky; then you might end up waiting for a long time. When we begin dating, usually being turned on isn’t an issue. In long-term relationships, often it becomes more difficult to be turned on around your partner. We get used to one another, and the hormones aren’t flowing the same they used to. 

Often, resentment builds up and gets in the way of the “I want you, now.” What that means is that it takes dedication and attention to continue experiencing a passionate relationship. 

You find the perfect moment by being in the present. If you make it about what sex provides for you (connection, love, energy, “aliveness,” joy…), rather than sex happening on days when everything else is perfect, then it doesn’t matter what mood you are in. Your focus then is all about what it brings to you and your partner. 

Do you think that I am excited every morning about doing my workout? No, certainly not. However, I love how I feel afterward. In those days when I have to push myself, I focus on my ‘why’s,’ and the joy I get from having a toned, fit, healthy body. 

It is the same when it comes to sex: find the motivation behind the act. 

The key? Sex is about providing the other person what they need. Drop your expectations and show up with no agenda. Meet your beloved where they are at. 

2. Your partner needs to get you in the mood.

Being turned on is an inside job. Therefore it’s a choice you make at any given time. 

You want to be the kind of person that inspires arousal in your partner, but it’s never your responsibility to make them “horny” or “happy.”

Stay in the moment, use your senses, be curious, and explore. 

Sex is something we have to learn on our own, by understanding ourselves and our bodies. Once we have established this connection, then we can communicate our desires and wants someone else. 

Asking for what you want is sexy; taking responsibility for your arousal is essential. 

The key? Practice self-care, and nurture and increase your sexual energy and creativity. When you can fill your cup, you don’t feel so empty or needy when you meet with your partner.

HOW MEN AND WOMEN COPE WITH STRESS

For a man who is stressed, getting his testosterone level up will bring his stress level down. Sex is often a way for him to release stress, and it works very well for him. 

For a woman who is stressed, the idea of sex depletes her even more, especially if she has to have an orgasm. 

READ THIS: THE BEST WAY TO MAKE HER WANT SEX WITH YOU

The cycle of giving and receiving nurturing support helps women cope effectively with stress. Most women are over-givers, and they need to learn to receive. If they can drop into surrendering, then sex can reduce their stress.

The concept here works very well. If the man needs to take action to lower his stress level, then taking charge and “doing” his woman to serve her will achieve that. If the woman needs to receive, and be nurtured, to lower her stress, then opening up to him and taking him in will replenish her. 

The result is both parties feeling satisfied, nourished, and having increased polarity, which translates into increased attraction and desire. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 8 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: HOW TO GET IN THE MOOD WHEN YOU ARE STRESSED OUT

STRESS MANAGEMENT

Here are some easy ideas to lower your stress levels quickly and efficiently: 

1. Go for a nature walk.

2. Practice three minutes of belly breathing.

3. Meditate.

4. Receive a massage.

5. Listen to music.

6. Exercise.

7. Take a nap.

8. Laugh.

9. Talk about sex.

You don’t have to let the fast-paced world we live in dictate the mood you’re in. Make time for yourself and your relationship. Come back to your body, enjoy your senses, and the stress will melt away.