Last Updated on August 21, 2020

Are you with your soulmate? Or are you settling in your relationship?

If nothing would change in your relationship, could you confidently say that you would be happy, content and fulfilled, even two years down the road? If yes, then you are on the right track. If not, then you must stop settling in your relationship.

Dating or being with someone for who you think they will or could be in the future or who they were in the past, is a recipe for disaster. Sadly, many are willing to settle for such relationships, thinking it will turn into love.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 22 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: 10 SIGNS YOU ARE IN THE WRONG RELATIONSHIP

There’s a misconception out there that intimate relationships are difficult, painful at times, and that you must be willing to compromise to be happy. Now, what kind of advice is that? Every time you are willing to settle for less than you know in your heart is possible, you are cheating yourself out of true love and connection.

You aren’t showing up fully for yourself and therefore can’t show up fully for someone else. Being in a relationship where you are with someone only halfheartedly will never allow you to reach your full potential, and let’s be honest, a part of you is slowly dying, and that really sucks.

Oftentimes, people get dissatisfied in their relationship and frustrated about their partner.

Yet, they end their sentence with, “But I love him/her so much or he/she is just a wonderful person.” Really? So, tell me 10 reasons why you love your partner so much.

If you can’t come up with meaningful things easily, then the love you feel is most likely covered fear: Fear of not being good enough, fear of rejection, fear of not being able to find someone else, and the fear that traps you into thinking that you have no choice or power.

When you are in the state of “Do I love him?” or “Am I in love?”, you are willing to become someone you are not to get the approval or love you crave. A relationship that is based on fear feels like a trap.

A relationship that is based on love is supportive. There’s a profound acceptance of who you are and a desire to support a higher version of yourself. It is freeing, liberating, and exhilarating.

Make a commitment to love rather than fear; the two can’t co-exist simultaneously.

How do you know if you are in love or just settling in a relationship?

Here are some of the signs that you’re settling in your relationship and love life, and aren’t experiencing real love:

  • Low sex drive or sexual attraction.
  • Lack of strong erections.
  • Painful intercourse.
  • Recurring yeast or bladder infections.
  • Body repulsion.
  • Shame, blame.

And the signs you are connected by love, not fear:

  • You nurture your body.
  • You set loving boundaries.
  • You feel free to express yourself authentically.
  • You can talk about anything, even the difficult stuff.
  • You feel horny, turned on.
  • You take time for yourselves.

How different would your relationship be if you focused on showing up as the best version of yourself? How different would your partner be around you if your focal point was to bring out the best in him/her?

You can live either in love or in fear, the choice is yours.