Last Updated on August 31, 2020

Admitting that your relationship is going through a rough patch can be hard. You might be at a crossroads, knowing things in your relationship need to be different. Maybe you are unhappy and unfulfilled. Perhaps your partner is distant and unsatisfied.

Unraveling the threads in the complex matrix of a relationship may seem impossible or too complicated, and you don’t know where to start.

This is a chance to learn how to love and approach your relationship challenges as an opportunity to grow. With a few keys to effective communication, you can release and transform the pain and hurt into depth, intimacy, and closeness.

1. THE ART OF LISTENING

Listen with your heart, and genuinely desire to hear what is alive in the other. It is crucial to start listening to understand without fixing or changing what is happening.

Drop the stories and pay attention to the feelings and needs. Choose to communicate. Speak every day not just about the little things, but also about what truly matters.

Relationships are like roller coasters. From afar, they look thrilling and enticing, but once you are in, the experience may feel much different than it looked. But remember it’s the ups and downs that make the ride so amazing. If you resist, there’s no fun, and once you let go, it’s liberating.

It is essential to allow space and time for most matters to unfold and be processed while you both continue to change and expand.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 41 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: HOW TO NAVIGATE EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS IN RELATIONSHIPS

2. HONESTY

Be honest, and tell the whole truth, even if it’s harder than a white lie. Learn and practice becoming comfortable with the uncomfortable.

Here’s the thing, if you don’t address what is bothering you, nothing is going to change. First, be honest with yourself and then gently bring that newfound awareness into your relationship.

Re-connect with your true self and show up with authenticity daily. A rough patch is often a sign that something in the relationship is causing a disconnect.

It is essential to drop the idea that there will be a time in your relationship where you will be complete with all of your issues. In a relationship, it is neither helpful nor practical to believe that “if they really loved me, they would know what I want.” That attitude has destroyed so many otherwise beautiful relationships.

3. FOCUS ON WHAT YOU LIKE

I know it might sound simple, but most people do the opposite. They focus on all the things that their partner is doing wrong, instead of looking for what they are doing right.

Tell your partner how much you enjoy a specific action they are doing.

Whatever we focus on, expands.

Make it a new habit of sharing what you are grateful for with each other.

READ THIS: THE SECRET OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS 

4. CONNECT DAILY

Busy couples often do not lovingly touch each other. Touch each other every day, hugging, kissing, without agenda. Make it your mission to connect every time you run into each other physically.

When there’s disharmony in the relationship, the tendency is to distance ourselves from the other, thus creating more tension.

Simply taking 10 minutes a day to bond will make it easier to feel the love again.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 26 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: SHIT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP

Any changes start from within.

Don’t expect the other to start being different. Instead, be the change that you want in the other.

Become the greater “gifter” This means that even if there’s hurt, such as unresolved conflicts or even resentment in the air, you are choosing to take the first step in the direction of a more passionate, harmonious future.

Remember that you can’t expect the other to change in a certain way. Learn to love them for who they are, as a total package, just like you want to be loved for who you are, as a complete package. By doing so, the rough patch will soon be a thing of the past.

Quite often we don’t allow for the best growth, by being fixated on one direction and not seeing the full potential.