Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, the place to be for honest and real talk about relationships and sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to help you have the relationship of your dreams and the best sex of your life.

Kevin Anthony 0:26
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 419, and it is titled “Modern Dating Problems and How to Fix Them. I hear from a lot of people, not just clients, but obviously clients, but people in the comments on my YouTube videos, people commenting on podcasts, and many friends of mine, and a lot of people are really struggling with dating these days. It’s just something that I hear so, so often that I thought, even though I don’t do a ton of dating content on this show, it’s part of relationships, right? It’s part of sexuality. Like it’s all sort of woven together, and I know there are a lot of people out there who are dating and are really struggling with it. So today we’re going to talk about modern dating problems and how we can potentially fix them.

Kevin Anthony 1:21
We’re going to talk about the challenges that people tend to have in the dating space in these modern times because they’re different than the challenges that people used to face. We’re going to talk about online dating and some of the challenges with that, and potentially how people can do that better. We want to talk about some red flags to look out for when dating, and a whole bunch more. I got a bunch more questions I want to ask the guest today. So if you’re watching on YouTube, obviously you can see I have a guest who I’ll introduce in just a moment. And if you’re listening, well, I have a great guest today who’s going to help us unpack all of this.

Kevin Anthony 1:56
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Kevin Anthony 2:56
So my guest today is Robin Ducharme, and she is the founder and CEO of Real Love Ready, a former matchmaker and love coach. She’s the host of Real Love Ready, the series, an audio and video podcast exploring relational literacy through conversations on love, connection, and personal growth. She’s also the creator and producer of the popular In Bloom Summit, where she brings together internationally recognized relationship experts, authors, and thought leaders each spring in Vancouver, BC, and online. Her book, *Real Love Ready: A Guide to Relational Literacy*, is a clear, compassionate guide to knowledge, skills, and daily practices that help us love with greater intention, truth, and heart. Welcome to the show, Robin.

Robin Ducharme 3:40
Thank you, thank you for having me, Kevin.

Kevin Anthony 3:43
You’re welcome. I think we’re going to have a fun conversation today.

Robin Ducharme 3:47
Let’s do it. I I want to have fun as we talk about dating and love. Let’s do this.

Kevin Anthony 3:52
You know, especially when it comes to dating and love, we’ve got to have some fun with it. I think a lot of people take it way too seriously, and we’ve got to at least be able to laugh at it here and there and have some fun with it.

Robin Ducharme 4:05
I think you make a really good point, Kevin. I think you know we can get lost in conversations about how hard dating is, and how hard it is to meet, you know, quality people. And there’s way more single women than single men, and you know, a lot of this consciousness that it’s not really feeding what we want, right? And bringing more levity and fun and joy into dating. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 4:34
Well, I hope we do at least a little bit of that today. Obviously, we have to talk about some of the serious aspects too, but we’ll get some laughs in for sure. All right, let’s start with, you know, the title of the show is Modern Dating Problems, right? And of course, how to fix them. So, what are some of the problems? What are some of the challenges that people face today? Because things have changed so much from when I was younger. Or from my parents’ generation, and I mean, we’re not even on the same planet as my grandparents’ generation when it comes to dating. So, what are some of the challenges people face today?

Robin Ducharme 5:11
I think you know a lot of what I’m hearing around dating is that people know they’ve got success stories around them of people who have met online, but a lot of us are still really online during the day for work. I know I am. Like, I’m on my computer a lot during the day, and we’re doing Zoom meetings. Some of us are working in an office, but really not a lot of us since COVID, and so it’s almost like this thing. And now you expect me to do online dating? I don’t want to do that. Or I’ve had, you know, I don’t even know where to start when it comes to online dating. So I think there’s online dating burnout. That is something that I’m absolutely hearing from the love coaches, the matchmakers, the date coaches that are actually doing this for a living, helping people. It’s just like I don’t want to do this online. So there’s almost now this like pushback or pulling back from that in itself. And if you’re not going to be online dating, well, then where exactly are you going to meet other people to date? So it’s like both problems. You know, there are two things that are going on at once. It’s like, okay, if I’m not doing online dating, where do I start? And if I and but if I have to do it, I don’t want to. Are you hearing the same thing, Kevin? Because that’s those are the two things.

Kevin Anthony 6:32
I’m definitely hearing the online dating burnout for sure. But what I find interesting, though, from what I hear and the people I talk to, is that they’ll tell me that they’re tired. They’ve swiped until there’s nothing left to swipe. They’ve tried, you know, five different dating apps, and it’s the same thing. Eventually they just swipe till there’s nothing left to swipe. They’re not meeting quality people. The people they meet aren’t who they say they are, and like all these other things. But here’s the main difference that I hear. I think I think at least anyway from what you said, and that is that they rarely ever say, like Where else can I meet people. They just go I don’t know what to do. That’s what I’m hearing. I’m like, I’m frustrated with online dating, and I don’t know what to do. And you know, we’ll get into solutions and what they can do later on. I don’t want to go too get too far ahead of ourselves, but I just often think to myself, “What do you mean you don’t know what to do? We know there’s more that exists than just online dating, but anyway, that’s mostly what I hear.

Robin Ducharme 7:38
Yeah, me too, really. I think when it comes down to it, so much of what I’ve thought about in myself because I’m newly single. I went through a breakup with my last partner just a few months ago, so I’m not this person that’s out there seeking partnership. I really want to spend some time by myself and go through the seasons and all the, you know, all you know, the year. Let’s just say, like, that’s what I’ve kind of set for myself. But when I do go back into wanting to be with a partner, I’m gonna really set some clear intentions around that, and kind of a plan, and where, you know, sometimes when we do have goals, like, particularly finding a partner, which I think is one of the most important decisions we’re gonna make, is who we’re gonna decide to share our life with. What what what other important decisions are there?

Robin Ducharme 8:40
There’s that’s that I think that’s one of the top ones, you know. So I hope we’ve got some really clear intentions around that, and kind of a plan, you know, asking people around me, who do you know that’s a really good man that you can recommend, and I’m, and I want to be asking a lot of people in my life that I trust, that I have a good relationship with, that know me, you know, and I think, you know, we’re going down solutions. But I, you know, I just think that there are ways that we can come about it really intentionally.

Kevin Anthony 9:12
Yeah, and we’ll definitely dive more into that as we go along. Before we do that, though, I want to address some of the other concerns that I do hear from people, because obviously the burnout, the fatigue of online dating, is by far the biggest one that I hear, but it’s not the only one that I hear. So another thing that I often hear is that the people aren’t who they represent themselves to be online. So you know, they write these profiles. They’ve got all these photos in there, and then they show up, and it’s like, is that wait, is that even you, right? Or, you know, the things that maybe they wrote in their profile aren’t exactly true, or maybe they represented that they were looking. For a long-term commitment, but it turns out all they really wanted was a hookup. So, and that’s another big one I see. What do you think about that?

Robin Ducharme 10:08
Well, I think that’s happening, Kevin. I mean, if you’re hearing people say that, and I know I’ve definitely heard that too, it’s happening. There are people who are using online dating without integrity, so let’s just name it for what it is, right? It’s like you’re going to be faking your age, or your pictures are 10 years old, or you’re saying, like you said, like somebody’s saying that they want to be in a long-term partnership, but they’re actually just they just want to mess around, you know? They’re not in for the serious for serious partnership or long-term. So I think it’s just naming the reality that there’s going to be a mixed bag of people who are online dating, you know, and it’s just I guess, just the reality of it, you know.

Kevin Anthony 10:51
I was a guest on somebody else’s podcast yesterday, and one of the things the host on that show was saying was that she was seeing because she’s dating, also, she was seeing that there were a lot of men on the dating sites who are actually in relationships, but they’re either looking for that unicorn to come join the relationship, or they’re not necessarily being honest with their other half that they’re actually on the dating sites. So that’s another. Either way,

Robin Ducharme 11:23
Either way, it’s just complete dishonesty. You know, just talking about myself personally and coming out of a relationship where the person I was with, you know, there was a lot of there was things definitely in the end that I was discovering he was keeping from me. There was deception. There was withholding of important information, and you know what this points to, Kevin, is the fact that, you know, there’s going to be bumps along the road here. You know, for people like if somebody meets their partner on a first date, like online dating, let’s just say, and they discover, all right, this is my person, and I didn’t really have to go through many, many dates to find them, then kudos to you.

Robin Ducharme 12:03
But there are a lot of people out there that have been at it for months or even years, and they’re still on that path. They’re like, I am not going to give up because I really do want to share my life with somebody. You know, the trials and tribulations might come along, but I think what all this points to, Kevin, is how we show up. It’s all we can control, really. You know, it’s like being aware and being a realist about the world that we live in. And there might be people that you even partner with, or you’re dating for, let’s say, months or years at a time, that show up as somebody that you actually don’t want to share your life with. And so I really emphasize taking time to get to know somebody. You know, are they showing up in integrity? Are they being honest? Are they actually in your corner? You know, and you’re not going to know that. You’re not going to know if this person is doing all of these things that you’re aligned with until you’ve spent time with them.

Kevin Anthony 13:02
Yeah, I completely agree with getting to know somebody. But I want to come back to another point that you made. You said that the only thing you can really control is yourself, which is true, right? And you know, one of the things, one of the notes I have here under the challenges that people are facing these days is I wrote being themselves, right? Because another thing that you often see out there, and this is true whether it’s online dating or any sort of dating, is that people will go out there and they want to put on this facade of a persona. Yeah, this persona of who they are to impress the other person, and I never recommend that people do this because if it’s not who you genuinely are, you’re not going to be able to keep it up long term. You might even keep it up for a year or two years, but eventually, the real you underneath that mask is going to surface. And if it’s not who you represented yourself to be, your partner is not going to be happy about that, and your relationship is unlikely to last.

Robin Ducharme 14:04
Yeah, and I think that right there is solid advice. I mean, we just want to show up in our fullness, and you know, one of like a lot of that comes down to really doing an inventory of where you’re at in your life. You know, like what you really do have to offer and to bring to that partnership. I see, you know, I see relationships so differently as time goes on. It’s like I have a full life. I have I I have children that I’m still raising. I’ve got a career that I’m very invested in. My relationships with my family and my friends are like coveted in my life. Okay, so this is a lot that I want to honor, protect, and revere. That I revere, and I’m not going to just, like, offer that to another person until, like, you know, it’s almost like the trust has to be built, the safety has to be. Like it’s like it’s like wading into the pool very slowly. Can this person, you know, show me, you know, wading in, wading in? Okay, yeah, I can show them this part of myself. I can share this part of myself. I can share this part of myself. It’s not all in, you know, from the beginning, but it’s also showing up on these dates, going like, I have a lot to offer, and I’m going to see, you know, who you are, and get to know you over time to see if you’re somebody that’s actually, you know, worthy of of actually of of me sharing this with you myself, and vice versa.

Kevin Anthony 15:37
Yeah, there are two important things that you brought up there. One is basically creating safety, right? So as you’re getting to know somebody, you’re taking it slowly. You’re getting to know them, and you’re gradually revealing, you know, deeper and deeper levels of who you are to this person. And I think that that is a wise way to do it, rather than just like I’m an open book. Here’s everything all at once, because you don’t know who this person is yet, right? You don’t really know. You know who they’re presenting themselves to be, and then I think the other part of that is, you know, people always say, as I said, they put on this persona because they want to impress the person, but the reality is, you know, I always tell people, like, I’m going to come out there if I hold certain beliefs or ideas or whatever, like I’m laying them out on the table right from the start.

Kevin Anthony 16:24
Because if you don’t agree with those things and there isn’t compatibility here, I want to know right now. And I’m out of here, right? Because I’m not going to waste time, you know, trying to create a relationship with somebody who’s not in the same place as I am. In other words, we don’t share the same values, right? That’s a good one. Or we don’t have the same goals in life. Or now, granted, we’re not going to know everything, but like some of the big things, it’s important to show like who you are right up front, so that people know and they can make good decisions, and you can make good decisions about who they are. And when two people show up and they’re just pretending to be somebody else. It’s like you have no idea what’s going to happen.

Robin Ducharme 17:06
Yeah, you know I I just kind of keep pointing back to my last relationship and the one before that. It’s just like I’ve had two relationships where there was a lot of performance, you know, and for a long time. So that is going to put me on, just like, you know what? I’m going to be way more cautious and way more careful the next time. Absolutely, you know, it’s like I, you know, I have a lot to protect in myself, my children, my life, and I know that sounds like, oh, Robin’s going to be on the defense. It’s not like that at all. It’s more just like you show me, you show me who you are, and you know the only way that we’re going to be shown is words are important. It’s actions, Kevin. How are you? You’re showing me. You’re telling me you’re this way, and I want to. I’m going to be watching, and I’m going to be seeing if you’re showing in how you’re treating me, in treating others, and how you’re actually, you know, being completely like being honest and truthful in how you’re living your life.

Kevin Anthony 18:10
Yeah, you know, and I think some people may hear that and go, “Oh my God, I’m being watched every moment. Like, this sounds crazy. Like, what if I make a mistake or this and that?

Speaker 1 18:19
And we all make mistakes.

Kevin Anthony 18:20
Of course we do, and to that I would just say, here’s the thing, though, you know, if you’re being genuine, it’s easy. It’s not hard at all, right? This is the thing all the time. It’s like, you know, people are always worried about, like, what if I contradict myself or blah blah. That only really happens when you’re lying. Exactly. If you’re just telling the truth, then you’re not going to contradict yourself. You’re not going to tell two different sides of the story. You’re not going to get caught in weird things that don’t seem to make sense or line up, right? Because you’re being honest.

Robin Ducharme 18:54
Yes, and you’re only going to know that when you’re dating somebody for an extended period of time. You know, really,

Kevin Anthony 19:02
Yeah, and you know that’s an interesting thing too. I think we might have talked about this actually in the pre-interview, but years ago, when my wife was alive, there was in our little friend circle in the community, there was this kind of weird thing that happened where all these couples got together, and they were like in that boat of 100% all in right from the start. This is my person. This is amazing. Like getting married within a month of meeting each other, having kids immediately, like planning all these big life things. And I remember my wife and I, we, you know, we were a little older than most of them. At least I was, anyway. I remember going. I don’t think this is going to end well. I’m like, I mean, I’m happy for them. They look like they’re so happy, and their outward appearances. They look like they’re pretty compatible, but I’m pretty sure this isn’t going to end well. Well, fast. Forward only a few years from there, and out of the I think it was four or five couples that got together like this; only one was still together a few years later, and the rest crashed and burned. Some of which crashed and burned in some pretty, really not good ways, and

Robin Ducharme 20:18
Yes.

Kevin Anthony 20:19
The reason is because they didn’t take that time to actually get to know who each other was.

Robin Ducharme 20:26
Yes, right. This is a common problem. You know. I also hear so much, and this, you know, when I was working as a love coach and matchmaker, people would be writing each other off a lot of times on the first date, and trust me, Kevin, I understand. Okay, like there have been times when, you know, I’ve dated. I dated a little bit before I met my last partner, like maybe three men. It wasn’t a lot before I met him, so it wasn’t like I was dating, you know, countless people. But on both of those occasions, the two men that I dated before my last partner, I was curious enough to have a second date, and some and the other men, like three dates, maybe four. And before, I was like, no, not for me. So I was able to give somebody a chance because it wasn’t like a complete write-off. I understand there’s a complete, like, you’re not for me. Sometimes you’re like, but I also think it’s like you are probably not going to know if the person is your person on the first date.

Robin Ducharme 21:27
So giving people a chance to show themselves to you, right? There’s good conversation. You can banter back and forth. You feel pretty comfortable around this person. There’s curiosity there. There’s enough to take it to, you know, the next time you see them for an hour or two hours, right? Give them more time and space. So, you know, it just points to how we show up in in really in our seriousness around this. It’s like you’re not going to write somebody off just because there are fireworks flying on the first date,

Kevin Anthony 22:04
You know, that’s another subject that I hear a lot, and I’ve talked about this many times on the show where people confuse chemistry with compatibility, and I have seen this so many times where, you know, you know, somebody will come to me and say, “Yeah, I met this guy, and you know, I mean, he’s really nice. He’s got this great job, and you know, he treated me really nice, and he, you know, paid for dinner, and he brought me flowers and all that. But I don’t know. I just, just don’t feel any chemistry with him, right? But then, if you know this person, either worked with them as their coach, as I have, or just know them as a friend- because I’ve heard this from both sides. I know the patterns because I’ve seen them date multiple people over time, and I can clearly see that they are mistaking chemistry for compatibility.

Kevin Anthony 22:59
So they feel a chemistry, a sexual chemistry, a physical attraction, but it’s almost always to somebody who is absolutely not the right person for them for a dozen different reasons that we don’t have time to go into in this show. But then when they meet somebody who, if you if you know who they are or if they know themselves and they know what they’re actually looking for, and you see this person, you’re like, “No, this is no guarantee. But technically, on paper, they line up with all the things you say you actually want. Yet your response is, “I don’t feel any chemistry. I’m not going to go out on a second date with them because they didn’t give them the chance that you were just talking about.

Robin Ducharme 23:40
Exactly, exactly. Esther Perel says it, you know, so well. She says, “There’s people that there are many people in this world that you can be attracted to, even love, but not as many, not even close people that you can share life with. So, just even understanding that, you know, you can go out there and meet somebody, and you’re having a great time. You could be dating, you know, five or six dates with this person. You guys can just party and just laugh and have a. But at the end of the day, are they somebody that actually is going to be a good life partner for you? There’s a big difference, and that’s the difference between, you know, looking for all the chemistry and all the fireworks compared to compatibility, which is like more like this is foundational. These are things that, like, this person is going to honor me in my fullness and my life, and we’re going to share our lives. Like, that’s a big deal, right? Mending, melding, melding, or bringing together two lives. That’s not an easy thing to do, you know.

Kevin Anthony 24:37
That’s true. You know, it’s one of the biggest things I do whenever I’m working with somebody, a client who is single and is, you know, having trouble in the dating space. This is one of the biggest things I help them with: is understanding what is truly important in a long-term, you know, mutually fulfilling relationship, because so many of them. Think it’s that chemistry thing, and they’re not looking for the right quality, so they’re out there dating, right? And they’re choosing who to go out on dates with and who to continue dating, based on the wrong set of criteria. So it’s helping them see, like, okay, you know, you say you want a long-term, happy, stable relationship, but the criteria you’re judging on is, do I have chemistry? You know, is it the? I mean, this good sex is a good thing, but you know, that’s kind of like the only thing. They’re like, oh, well, they’re fun to be with, and we have chemistry, and like the sex is good.

Kevin Anthony 25:34
Okay, great, but you know, do you share the same values? Do you have the same goals? Okay, you got the sex part. That’s good. That’s another important part. You know, do you both want the same things out of a relationship in life? You know, how about kids? Right, for people who are younger. Like, I mean, that’s a huge thing that needs to come into the conversation. Right. Where do you stand with that? Do you want kids? Do you not?

Kevin Anthony 25:57
All that kind of stuff. And they’re completely overlooking all of those deeper, more important things and focusing purely on-it’s like sometimes I feel like it’s like they’re in high school. I’m like, you’ve got to get past the high school dating. Like, you’re an adult now, right? You’ve got to start looking for the things that really make a quality relationship. So we often spend a lot of time just helping people understand, like, what should you be looking for in a partner? If you say you want a long-term relationship, if you say you want to get married, right? If you say you want somebody to spend the rest of your life with, well, what does that take?

Robin Ducharme 26:34
Exactly. Yeah, you’re looking at what we’re prioritizing. What are the most important things? And it’s certainly not putting all of the onus or all of the emphasis on sexual chemistry.

Kevin Anthony 26:51
Yeah, or even looks. You know, I worked with a client not that long ago last year who had a history. I mean, he’s very tall, and he had a history of dating like five-foot-four blonde women who weighed like 120 pounds. Like, that was his type. Like all his ex-girlfriends, of course, none of those relationships worked out. And then he meets this woman who’s, I don’t know, probably about 510, and he’s six three, so it’s actually quite good. Not blonde, right? Just completely different, but a truly amazing woman who owns her own company, is very successful, open to, you know, learning new things and changing and growing and all of that kind of stuff. And I just watched him sabotage all over the place because she didn’t fit his traditional idea, right?

Kevin Anthony 27:48
Of what he’s used to, and it’s just one of those things where I say, okay, but how many relationships have you had like that that didn’t work out? Do you think maybe you might want to look for something a little bit different? Here you have this person with all these amazing qualities, and the qualities you say that you’re looking for, but you’re not taking advantage of it because you have some other idea in your head.

Robin Ducharme 28:13
Yeah, at the end of the day, there are a lot of people in this predicament. They have a type, and what I invite people to be open to is that there are many people in the world that you can be attracted to, and to narrow it down to physical traits that you need to have in a partner in order for you to be with them, it’s really narrowing. It’s it’s just like closing the gap. It’s just like, no. Why would you do that, right? Like, you know, there are so many women. They’re like, I have to have a man that’s six feet tall. Well, guess what? The majority of men are like five-nine and under. Like, if you act like it’s true. Like, so, then you’re taking out the norm. You’re taking out the, like, the median height of men in the world, so why would you actually do that, right?

Robin Ducharme 29:05
It’s not serving you, and it’s really opening our perspective, opening our minds, and actually paying more attention to their character. There’s nothing you know. That’s where we really need to focus: their character, their behaviors, and their actions, how they walk through the world, you know? Are they kind? Are they considerate? Not just considerate of people around you. Well, you know, you can see, but you’re considerate of your feelings. Are they actually listening when you’re speaking and taking in and learning about you, so that you can actually have a flow, you know, of communication and start to create that connection that you’re wanting? You know, there are so many things that are much more important in a partnership than a physical type.

Kevin Anthony 29:53
Yeah, that reminds me of, and I don’t remember what it was called. Maybe one of the listeners will remember, but there was a podcast out there, a fairly big one, where this guy would have all these women on, and he’d usually have like six or eight of them on at a time, right? And he like he’s at the center of the table, and they’re lining up down the sides of the table, and they’re all in the room together, and he’s asking them questions about what it is they’re looking for in a man, right? Like, what does he have to have in order for them to date him? And overwhelmingly, all of these women are like, he needs to be over six feet tall. He needs to make, you know, like x6 figure salary. He needs to have this kind of car. He needs to have this kind of job title. And so he lets them say all of these things, and then he reads the statistics like you were just sharing, and shows them that the requirements that they have, aside from being superficial, are a whole other thing. But aside from being superficial, the requirements they have for this man have just now eliminated about 95% of all the men in the dating pool.

Robin Ducharme 31:00
Right, exactly. So how is like none of that makes sense, right? And then we’ve got, I think there’s this confusion that people have around online dating: that there’s, you know, it’s like this buffet of people, right? So if that person isn’t a match, then I can just swipe. I’m just going to swipe past that person, rather than, let’s just say somebody has a really good write-up, and it sounds like, yeah, they sound like they’re looking for the same things that I am. This could possibly be somebody that I’m interested in talking to, but they’re not exactly my physical type, right? I just think to swipe to the next. Well, I think it’s just more about entering into having a having a more open mindset, for sure.

Kevin Anthony 31:50
Yeah. So we’re about halfway through the show. I’m going to take a short break, but when we come back, I want to talk about online dating and how people could use these apps a little bit better. We’ve touched on some of these things already, but I want to kind of pull it together in a more concise manner for people. Like, here are some things that you could really do to make this experience better. I also want to talk about some red flags for dating, and then of course I want to finish off with, you know, some really solid advice on how people can date better, whether it’s online dating or not, and give them some alternatives to the online dating space as well.

Kevin Anthony 32:29
So we’ll do that on the other side of this break. If your relationship feels disconnected, if your sex life has lost its spark, or if you just know something needs to change, then relationship and intimacy coaching can help. I have created transformational coaching programs for men, women, and couples, all designed to help you create deeper intimacy, better communication, and the kind of passionate relationship you actually want. Whether you’re struggling with intimacy, confidence, desire, emotional connection, or recurring relationship challenges, you don’t have to figure it out alone. The best place to start is with a free strategy call, where we’ll talk through your challenges, get clarity on what’s really going on, and create a personalized plan for moving forward. Go to kevinantonycoaching.com today to book your free strategy call with me. That’s kevinanthanycoaching.com to book your free strategy call. I recently just redid all of my sales pages for my men’s, women’s, and couples coaching program. So if you’ve looked at it before, please go look at it again because I think it does a much better job now of explaining where my work is at and how I help people. So if you’re interested, just go check that out, read those pages, and if it resonates with you, sign up for a strategy call. Doesn’t cost you anything.

Kevin Anthony 33:47
Okay, so I said that we were on the other side of the break. We were going to talk about how people could potentially do better on the online dating app. So I have a list of five things here that people could potentially do better, but I want to start with you. What are some pieces of advice you have for people who are on online dating apps that would help them be able to use these apps more effectively?

Robin Ducharme 34:15
So the first thing is just how you want to present yourselves to potential partners, and I think it’s important that people invest time and effort into really making a nice, really good online profile. It’s like putting your best foot forward. You know, I say the same thing about a first date. It’s not about getting dressed to the nines and getting a blowout, all the things, spending a whole bunch of money. But you want to show up, you know, looking you’re looking really good and feeling good about yourself, right?

Robin Ducharme 34:55
And I think the same thing goes with online profiles. I’ve seen so many online profiles where it’s just like. Somebody just-it’s like cut and paste, man. It’s like, and they hardly put any thought into what they’re writing about themselves, or their pictures aren’t great. Like, it doesn’t take a lot to get some really good photos. You can have a friend come over. You can have your child, if they’re you know, take some you know a teenager, whatever, whatever. Somebody that’s really savvy with technology, and you put some nice clothes on, put some makeup on. If it’s if you’re if you’re female, if you’re a woman, and if a man, it’s like you want to be dressed nicely and have some good photos. And I really think that this is important because how many profiles have I looked at? I’m like, oh my gosh, there’s like selfies, and a lot of men do this, and a lot of times it’s in a bathroom mirror.

Kevin Anthony 35:41
I was waiting for you to say that.

Robin Ducharme 35:43
Bathroom, a public bathroom, Kevin. It’s like I’m looking at some random sink, and it looks like a public stall, like a urinal behind them or something, and it’s a selfie, and oh, you can see the camera, and it’s just really tacky, actually. Like, I am not going to date somebody that hasn’t even taken the time to put a nice photo of themselves up, and I mean that. It’s like, no, bud, you’re not getting past go, absolutely not.

Kevin Anthony 36:11
Oh, the photos. I was hoping you would go there with the photos because this is a discussion we have to have. So really, but but you’re everything you said is absolutely true. Like, you are right, and I hear this all the time from people. So one of the big things I hear when it comes to photos is, you know, I hear this from women a lot. Yeah, I mean, you know, he looked he looked attractive in the photos, good enough. You know, maybe not exactly my type, but you know, I was interested, right? And then he shows up on the date, and he’s 10 years, 15 years older than he looks in the photos online. So one, they often will. This is another thing I hear too. People will lie about their age online when they fill out what their age is. They’ll actually put it younger than it actually is, but then they’ll use these 10-year-old photos of themselves.

Robin Ducharme 37:03
Which is which is also not being true. It’s not being accurate and authentic and and honest.

Kevin Anthony 37:10
Right, and so you’re starting……

Robin Ducharme 37:11
He would put up red flags. I know red flags are in our conversation. That’s a red flag. Is that you’re already lying? Number one, about your age. If that’s happening, then I would question what else you’re lying about in your life. Like, it’s already setting this relationship up on a lie. And number two, if you’re putting pictures in that are 10 years old, that’s also a lie. It’s deception. And so I would be like showing up on the date, going like, “Those were not accurate photos. That must have been you 10 years ago, and I, you know, I think I’m, I’m kind of the person who would be okay, comfortable saying that, but it doesn’t set up the date for success right away, does it?

Kevin Anthony 37:49
No, I completely agree. You’re literally, if this does become a relationship at some point you’ve already started it off by breaking trust, right?

Robin Ducharme 37:57
Yes.

Kevin Anthony 37:58
And that’s a problem. Now, now, now you’re behind, trying to catch up and reestablish trust. If you had just been honest about your age and put a decent photo of yourself- and a decent photo- I laughed so hard when you mentioned how many photos you’ve seen where they’re in a public bathroom, and I’m thinking to myself, what in a bathroom if it’s yours? I kind of understand because, like, they’re doing selfies and using the mirror to help get the photo. I don’t think it’s a good idea, but at least I understand that. But a public bathroom-you couldn’t at least do it at home in your own bathroom where it’s clean.

Robin Ducharme 38:33
It happens more often than you think. But also, it’s like I don’t think we need to do any bathroom photos. Oh,

Kevin Anthony 38:38
I agree. I don’t think they should.

Robin Ducharme 38:44
I just think when it comes down to it, it shows a lack of effort, a lack of investment.

Kevin Anthony 38:48
Yeah, you know, another one I hear women complain about too is like the guy O’Sum photo where he’s like from the side on his boat holding up a fish or something like that. You know, where it’s like, again, it’s a low-effort photo, and it’s like, okay, great, you love fishing, but you can’t even really see what you look like. You got your hat on, your sunglasses on, you got a fish covering half your face. Like, just take some time to take a couple of good photos that show who you actually are. And if you’re not comfortable with who you actually are, maybe you shouldn’t be dating until you can work on yourself enough to actually be comfortable enough to show who you really are.

Robin Ducharme 39:27
Yeah, and when it comes to the write-up, a lot of dating apps don’t allow you to do a lot of writing anymore. But there are often prompts that you can answer with thoughtfulness and maybe some humor, and if you’re having trouble with this, like it’s. I think it’s kind of like showing, like, building a resume. A lot of us, like me myself included, I would like if I were to create a resume today, I’d be like, oh, where do I start? I mean, I know we’ve got AI. I’d probably ask a question there, but when it comes to your online profile. Sit down with somebody that knows you really well, that you trust, that you like, you value their opinion, and be like, “Can you help me with my online profile? I want to. I want to make this sound good. I want to make. I want it accurate, but I also don’t want it to sound too serious. Like, let’s have fun with this. So, ask somebody that you know and trust to help you build your online profile. I think it’s a great exercise, and come up with some really good ways to actually show your uniqueness. You know, we all have quirks. We all have ways that we can portray ourselves that aren’t just all the mundane answers that we sometimes put. You know,

Kevin Anthony 40:39
Yeah.

Robin Ducharme 40:40
So you want to kind of stand out from the crowd.

Kevin Anthony 40:43
I agree, and at the same time, as we’ve, you know, said multiple times throughout this episode, be real, be yourself, be real. Don’t write stuff in there that isn’t actually you, right?

Robin Ducharme 40:55
Yes, like, let’s just say that you’re a pickleball player, right? Like, I’ve never played pickleball in my life, but there are a lot of people who are playing it, and I love that. That’s great. But let’s say it’s like really one of your like favorite things you do on the weekend, like with some buddies, and you’re like, I can, I can, you know, I’m a killer. I’m a killer at pickleball. I don’t know. That was a very bad example, but I’m sure there are better words that you can. Or, like, I’m looking for like somebody who would get on the court and play pickleball with me. Something like that that shows, ” Okay, they’re active on the weekends. They play pickleball. They’re looking for a partner to play with them. I mean, there are just ways to get creative, but also share information about yourself.

Kevin Anthony 41:34
Yeah, absolutely. You know, I got a pickleball joke for you. Nothing against anybody who likes pickleball. It’s just a joke, right? So everybody, calm down, take a deep breath. But I saw I’ve actually never played pickleball, believe it or not. But I have tons of friends who do who are really into it. Anyway, yeah, I saw this meme, and it was a picture of a guy who had, like, crashed on his motocross bike, right on the top, and then a picture of somebody playing pickleball at the bottom, and it said, “At 54 years old, I’d rather be terrible at riding dirt bikes than great at playing pickleball. Just made me laugh. Sorry, pickleball people, I’m not trying to make fun of you, but I mean that’s personally how I feel, which is why I think I thought it was so funny.

Robin Ducharme 42:20
Yeah, yeah. There’s, there’s no way you’re gonna play pickleball.

Kevin Anthony 42:24
No, I mean, I’d be happy to go play, but for me, I would much rather be on my mountain bike, rock climbing, or doing something like that. But no, no offense to all of my wonderful friends who love pickleball.

Robin Ducharme 42:36
Yes, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 42:38
Okay, a couple more things before we move on when it comes to online dating. So we talked about obviously using good photos, taking some effort, not taking them in the bathroom at all, public or otherwise. You know, using recent ones. We talked about writing something good and having a friend help you with that. Somebody that knows you. We talked about being honest in it and not writing things that aren’t you. Another thing you had mentioned when we talked about this in the pre-interview call was not narrowing the field too much. That’s another thing that we tend to see people do when it comes to using the apps. They create, and we talked about this a little bit earlier. But I think it tends to be a bigger issue in the dating apps because it gives you all of these levers, so to speak, that you can pull to narrow what you’re looking for.

Robin Ducharme 43:33
Right, and something this was this was something that I learned early on in matchmaking, right? Because if we narrow our fields too tightly, it just closes the probability of meeting quality people that you may not have come across because you were just too narrow in what you were looking for. So we want to open it up, you know. Like I I some people are very against dating people younger or older than them, but that was one of the fields, for instance, that we would say to people like, please, like, open up your age range because you may meet somebody that you know I’m 49 years old. Who knows? Maybe my next partner is going to be 10 years younger than me, or 10 years older. I don’t know. Am I open to that? Well, even that seems a little bit much. But maybe I would look seven years younger, seven years older, something like that.

Robin Ducharme 44:35
Okay. Some people are like, nope, they have to be like maybe three years older, three years younger. Well, it doesn’t really give you a good field, right? Doesn’t give you a. So I’m just saying, the more open that we can be, the better when it comes to setting your parameters. When it comes to choosing, if you know you want to, because there is there’s definitely fields where you could say wants children, has children. So be clear on that. If you don’t want children, make sure you’re putting. Do not want children, right? But if that person has children, that may. I’m just saying, like, there are ways that you’re going to see. You don’t want to be narrowing in your choices. You want to be as open as you can to meeting, meeting, you know, as many people as possible.

Kevin Anthony 45:17
Yeah, I agree, especially with the age thing. Well, I say that? Because my wife and I had a nine-year age difference. Yeah, but it was amazing.

Robin Ducharme 45:26
And how did you how did you how did you meet the partner that you’re with now, Kevin?

Kevin Anthony 45:32
Well, I knew. So here’s the thing, right? This is probably a great segue into, like, what do people do other than online dating? So I have never been on an online dating app in my life, even during periods of time in my life when I was actively dating. Now, granted, I mean I’m 52 at this point, so a lot of those years were pre-dating apps, but not all of them. But you know, I always just met people by going out and doing stuff, and spending time with my friends, and just going out and being social. So my current partner, somebody that I had known through my community for years, you know, casually, not super well. We knew who each other was, and you know, we would say hi and, you know, talk here and there if we would run into each other at a party or something like that. And you know, after my wife passed, there was, you know, obviously a period of time where I was not interested in dating.

Kevin Anthony 46:32
And then a friend of mine was having a birthday party, and honestly, I really did not want to go. It had nothing to do with my friend. I was just still in the morning phase, really, and I was not feeling very social. And I was like, I don’t know. But I said to myself, “You just got to get out of the house. Like, this is going to be good for you. Just do it. Just go to the park. You don’t even have to stay long, right? If you’re not having fun, at least you got out of the house and you went there, right? So I did, and I ran into her there, and I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years. Would have been probably pre-COVID when I saw her, and we just started a conversation, and that conversation led to, hey, why don’t we get together? The party happened to be down. It was a beach party that my friend had thrown, and I knew that she appreciated the beach. And I said, “Well, hey, why don’t we just go to the beach one day and hang out on a Saturday or a Sunday, and you know, just get reacquainted? And she was like, “Yeah, that’s a great idea.

Kevin Anthony 47:39
Unfortunately, it was very early in the summer when that occurred, and it got really cold after that. And we didn’t have beach weather for like weeks. And I kept looking. I’m like looking at the weather. I’m like, “Is it going to warm up? I want to invite her to the beach. When is it going to warm up? So finally, it got warm, and I reached out to her and said, “Would you like to have that beach date with me, so it’s just a matter of going out there and putting yourself out there and meeting people, talking to people, doing things that maybe somewhat push your comfort level.

Robin Ducharme 48:15
I think you make a perfect point because if you’re adamant that no, I don’t want online date, or your, or you are online dating. Rather than putting all of your eggs in one basket, well, like one mode of trying to meet somebody, there have to be many. I believe that it’s like talking to people, telling people I am now ready to date, and who do you know, right? And saying yes to these invitations. You know, you said you didn’t want to go to your friend’s party, and finally you’re like, okay, you went, and look what happened, right? It’s it’s it’s subjecting ourselves to new environments and new people that we’re not seeing every day, day to day. Like if you’re going to an office and you’re you’re you know, circling around the same people day in, day out, and you’re taking the same route home, you’re going to the same, you know, you’re coming home, and you’re sitting with your kids doing their homework and going to bed. It’s like, you’re how are you expecting anything different if you’re in the same zone that you’re always in day in and day out? You need to change up your routine, and you know, really be in different places than you’re than you normally are. Really opening up the opportunities to meet new people.

Kevin Anthony 49:23
Yeah, and you know, I already said my age. My listeners know it because I talk about it all the time. But I’m old enough to remember how we did it before these apps existed.

Robin Ducharme 49:33
I mean, right?

Kevin Anthony 49:34
I mean, when I learned how to date, we didn’t have cell phones, we didn’t have computers, we didn’t have the internet, we didn’t have any of that stuff, right? But yet somehow we still managed to date, and we still managed to have girlfriends and boyfriends and relationships and all of that, right? And so, you know, I think maybe as somebody who’s older, you know, I have that advantage of remembering how we used to do that. Whereas the younger generations have never experienced any of that; they know nothing but, you know, online dating and, you know, meeting people online or whatever. But yeah, you know. So, in our segue to what else do you do? Get out there and do stuff.

Robin Ducharme 50:20
Exactly. And you know what, Kevin? You make a really good point. I was watching some. I’m sure it was like it was part of a podcast, but it was live. And what they were saying was that the man was talking about dating and finding a partner. It can be really hard. Like, let’s just be real about it. He’s like, and even he’s like, remember when you were a teenager? Remember even when you were in your early 20s, and you are like, you are dating people, but you are like, oh, it’s not that one. Oh, that one, that one went sideways. Like, you know what? Like, let’s just forget about the dating apps. Like when I was in my, you know, teens and early 20s, like you just said, like we didn’t have any of this, but it didn’t take away the challenge of it. Like it was still kind of hard, like to meet your people, meet your, like, even somebody to be like, maybe I do want to talk to you. Actually, you’re not great. You know what I mean?

Robin Ducharme 51:06
Like you you share a drink with somebody at the bar, and you’re like, within 20 minutes you realize, definitely not my person. Bye. Like, do you know what I mean? So it doesn’t take away from the challenge of dating. Like it can be it’s it can be really hard. So let’s just name it for what it is, but then it also is, like, worth it, right? Because you want to find love. There’s nothing, you know. In my mind, it’s like, you know, so many of us want that. I want a good partnership. I want something to share my life with, and that hope, that yearning, is not going to go away. Like it’s something that is, it’s a deep want, and in me, it’s a need. Like I’m not saying right now, but I’m saying in my life, I want to share my life with somebody, and I’m willing to go the distance to find that person, whatever it takes. You know?

Kevin Anthony 51:53
Yeah, I mean, I’m a big proponent of that. I truly feel that when you have a good partner in your life, that life is just better. Everything about life gets better when you have a good partner in your life, especially in today’s world, because we don’t live in communities per se, right? Like we don’t live in a village where we’ve got all this support, and so when we’re by ourselves, you know, living in our little houses, you know, each sort of segmented off, you know, life can be challenging. There’s a lot that needs to happen, and a lot of responsibilities and things like that. And it’s hard to manage all of that without somebody, you know, really, really solid by your side. And I don’t mean just to to to you know, divvy up the tasks. That’s not what I’m talking about.

Kevin Anthony 52:40
But somebody there to help support you, to encourage you, to be your biggest cheerleader, right? To, you know, just help you get through what life is like. And then, of course, it’s not even just about getting through stuff, but it’s also about sharing all of the happy, positive moments, right? Exactly, and creating those happy, feel-good chemicals, and you know, the cuddling and the co-regulation, and just like there are so many things that a good partner brings into your life that I personally feel make your life better. That’s why it’s one of the reasons why I do the work that I do, trying to help people have better relationships, because I know that it improves the quality of life.

Robin Ducharme 53:22
Yes, it absolutely does. It there’s there’s nothing greater than the people in our lives that we share our lives with. You know, it’s our relationships that matter the most. And so this whole path of dating and trying to find somebody, it really matters. And it’s, um, about taking it seriously and doing it in the best way that we know we can, you know. Hopefully, we’re going to be, you know, showing up as our best selves and being able to see Is this somebody else who’s doing the same that I can actually look at sharing my life with. Yeah, that has the qualities that I’m looking for.

Kevin Anthony 53:57
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, we got a couple of minutes here, so there are still more things I want to talk about. But let’s do this. We promised people some red flags, so let’s just cover a couple of quick red flags, and then we’ll kind of sum it up at the end with like our best advice for people who are out there in the dating field. So, red flags to look out for, whether it’s online dating, in-person dating, or anything else. What would be some of the top ones that you would say?

Robin Ducharme 54:24
I think you know. First of all, it’s like there is somebody. Are they consistent? Are they consistent with their communication? With their following through? What they say they’re going to do? Are they actually doing it? Right. That’s about integrity. And I, you know, I was on a podcast last week, and the podcast was so sweet. She’s in her 30s, and she’s like, “Okay, so what happens if you date go the first date goes really well, and the person says to you, ‘All right, I’m interested. Let’s have a second date. Like, how long do you wait? Do you wait like a week? Do you do you do you wait a couple of days to reach out?” And I’m like, first of all, why not book you the second date at the first date? Okay, and if that doesn’t happen, how is the other person actually showing you that they’re interested? Games. I think when people are playing games with their communication, and they’re kind of trying to keep you on the line without actually implementing action of like I want to see you on Tuesday at 5 o’clock, like setting a second time to see you or next time to see you. It’s like a red flag: trying to keep you on the line or playing games with your communication. They’re just not. There’s definitely no alignment there.

Kevin Anthony 55:34
Yeah, I agree with both of those. So, you know, do you say do you do what you say you’re going to do? Do you follow through, right? So do you have integrity? And then, of course, any sort of game playing. Oh my God, I answer these questions all the time, and I get them a lot. I do live streams on YouTube, and I get this all the time from people around the dating subjects, which is like, well, how long should I wait to do this? Or he did this, and I’m just like, no games; we don’t play games. It’s not okay. Well, he did this, so I have to wait five days for that. Like, I agree with you. If I went on a first date and I enjoyed it and I was interested, I would tell the person, you know, I had a really great time. I would love to do this again, and then I would see what their response is. If they’re like, you know what, I really did too, and that would be great, you know. We could book it there, or I would say, you know, okay, well, let’s look at our calendars in the next day or two and see if we can get something on the calendar. I would then, on the very next day after the date, at least send a text saying, “Hey, thanks for last night. That was great. I really enjoyed it. Here’s what my calendar looks like. Like simple things like that.

Robin Ducharme 56:42
Exactly. Yeah. I would say. Oh, yeah. Go ahead.

Kevin Anthony 56:46
Well, if you have something to add, please do before I move on with other red flags.

Robin Ducharme 56:51
Oh, I was just gonna. Please go on to the next red flag.

Kevin Anthony 56:55
Okay. So we had. I had. Do they keep their word, which was the integrity thing that we were just talking about. But another one on here is how they speak about past relationships, and I know that was one that I was going to say, Kevin. Okay, great.

Robin Ducharme 57:11
That’s what I was going to say next, because I think it’s like, you know how somebody is sharing details of their past relationships-is it a lot of blame? Is it shame? You know, they’re shaming the other person. Is it all negative and zero accountability on your part? You know, because that is something that I want to do in my life, it’s like taking the opportunities that I’ve had, the experiences I’ve had, the relationships I’ve had, and like really trying to learn from them. What did I learn about myself? How do I want to be different? What patterns was I kind of playing out that weren’t the healthiest? That I’m not going to. That I don’t want to continue on in this next partnership, and that takes a lot of introspection, retrospection, and accountability, and me being honest with myself. Right? I mean, I can talk about what didn’t work and my part in that from a place of respect. You know, with somebody I’m dating with, somebody I’m dating.

Kevin Anthony 58:21
Yeah, and you know that’s really important because I think sometimes people feel like if they put all the blame on the other person, it makes them look better. Like, hey, I’m not broken. I’m not damaged. It wasn’t my fault. Like, let me tell you how crazy this person is and all the crazy stuff they did. Right? When, in reality, for somebody who’s really paying attention, that’s not actually the way they see it. They’ll see it more like you said, like, “Wow, this person has no ability to self-reflect, and this person is completely blaming the other person, even though I know all relationships are co-creation of two people. Man, that’s a red flag I should watch out for because it really seems like this person is not taking responsibility or accountability. I can remember I had a relationship.

Kevin Anthony 59:06
It was a relatively short one, but with this woman, there were some really bad behaviors involved, really not good behaviors, and so that relationship ended. And I remember dating after that, and obviously, you know, people asking me what happened with that last relationship, and I refused to actually say the bad behaviors that she did. I just kept it like, you know, there were some things that didn’t work out. There were some behaviors that, you know I felt weren’t compatible with us, and I just kept it nice like that. Like I wasn’t about to trash-talk this person in front of somebody else.

Robin Ducharme 59:48
Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 59:49
Part of the reason was that I just didn’t want to do that, and another reason is that we also have to understand sometimes that in relationships, how somebody is showing up in that moment. Has a lot to do with where they’re at in that moment, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that’s who they are. So, for instance, with this particular person, I know that there was some trauma there that was causing some of this behavior, and I know that it wasn’t intentional, right? I know that she wasn’t a bad person. In fact, to this day, we are amazing friends, and whenever she’s in the country, we hang out, and we have a great time together, right? So, so imagine if I had written her off and said, “Oh my gosh, she’s a horrible person, and like told everybody what a terrible person she was, right? Like, that’s just not cool and not right. And so, just using that as an example of, like, don’t badmouth your ex-partners, even when they potentially did some things that really weren’t cool in the relationship at that time-that definitely would be a red flag, especially if you’re not taking any accountability whatsoever.

Robin Ducharme 1:00:52
Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 1:00:52
One more I had here on the list. Oh man, I hear this one from a lot of women, and I don’t hear it as much from men, but I hear it from women. Do they allow you to talk? I have had numerous women tell me that they go out on dates, and the guy basically just talks about himself from beginning to end and never asks her a single question about herself.

Robin Ducharme 1:01:15
Yeah, no, thank you. I don’t. I don’t want to date somebody like that. I don’t want to be friends with somebody like that, you know, is this person actually is this is this a back-and-forth? Like, are we actually communicating? Are we sharing, like, conversation and interest and curiosity, you know? And am I hearing what you’re saying and, like, telling you know, giving my two cents into it, or right, modeling that back to you. It’s like I want to be present with the people that I’m dating, just like you know. I would give that to you right now, Kevin. We’re sharing this hour, and I’m intent on being in this with you. You know, if I was doing all the talking right now, how would that serve what we’re trying to do here? No, it’s it’s it’s just really bad behavior. It’s not respectful. It’s not kind. It’s not showing up in the spirit of generosity, or, you know, like it’s just really bad.

Kevin Anthony 1:02:15
Yeah, you know, and I tell people all the time, this is another this is one I have to tell women a lot because, you know, a lot of times women are actually afraid to ask too many questions and really like you know, get to know who this person is. One of the things I tell them because I coach a group of women, I say, remember that dating, especially early on, it’s like an interview process. You’re getting to know who this person is. You have every right to ask questions to get to know who they are; I mean, don’t make it the freaking Inquisition. But you have every right to ask questions that get to the heart of who this person is, right? And so, if, let’s say it’s the guy who’s talking about himself the entire time, if he’s not asking you questions, well, he’s already showing you he’s not really that interested in who you actually are.

Robin Ducharme 1:03:01
No, exactly. He wants to just you know talk about himself and and yeah, major red flag. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:12
All right.

Robin Ducharme 1:03:13
You’re not feeling you’re not feeling heard, right? You literally are not being heard, given the opportunity. You know, I think what’s also really important for us to point out when you’re dating and getting to know somebody new, and even if they’re not, you know, that new, let’s just say it’s like really tuning into how you’re feeling with this person. Are they offering you, like, a safe place to be yourself? Are your alarm bells going off? Are you feeling, you know, that your intuition is telling you this isn’t right? Are you able to actually listen when you’re being given that information? Because oftentimes, you know, we are human beings, but we’re spiritual beings having a human experience, and there are so many things, and we have senses that are not our five senses, and our senses go way out. So, like, how are you feeling in your own self when you’re with this person, and really paying attention to that, especially in the early days when you’re dating somebody?

Kevin Anthony 1:04:17
Yeah, absolutely. Okay, well, we’re a little bit over time, but that’s okay. We’ve been having a great conversation. I just kind of want to wrap up with, you know, a lot of what we talked about here on the show was the challenges that people face. Now, we did, of course, give ideas of how they can do things better, whether it’s online dating or dating in person. I kind of just want to tie it all up in a nice, pretty bow for everybody at the end to make it really easy for them, you know, to have something to take home with them that they can do and change. So, if somebody’s out there dating right now, what would be your best advice for how they could date in today’s modern world in the best way?

Robin Ducharme 1:04:59
They could, as I said at the beginning. I think it’s like making it known that you have the intention of finding a partner. It could be that your family, your friends, don’t even know that you’re up, what you’re up to, and so on. If you had more people aware that you were ready and wanting to date, you could start asking for introductions. I think, like, and I’m, I’m just like, ask people that are that you’re interacting with at work. You know, you’re professionals. You’re going to get your teeth cleaned. Ask your dental hygienist. Do you have anybody that you know that comes in here, like a great guy that you know is dating, right? We talked about online dating profiles, and I think spending more time on your profile, asking a friend or trusted family member to take a look and say, like, what do you think? What would you improve? How can you help me with the write-up so that it sounds more like me and funnier or more interesting, right?

Robin Ducharme 1:05:56
And having better photos, and really, I think it also comes down to filling your life up in a place where you’re feeling really good about your life now, right? We could spend a lot of time focused on what’s not there, which is if you’re in the lack mentality of, like, I am without a partner, and I’m so miserable because of it. Okay, maybe we just need to take a step back into our own lives, and how are we going to fill our cups so that we are showing up in the world? Like, you know, I’m good. Having another probably another person to share it with is going to fill me up better, or more, more. But I’m not coming from a place of lack.

Kevin Anthony 1:06:35
Man, you know, I can’t believe this did not come up in the conversation sooner. But this is a huge point that you just brought up, which is that, you know, a lot of times when people go out there in the dating world, they’re out there almost operating from a sense of desperation. I need to find somebody. I need to find somebody, and that. So when men are in that desperate spot, it’s usually like I’m desperate for sex kind of energy. Women can spot that from 10 miles away, and they will run in the other direction the second they sense that that’s what’s going on with you, right? But you know, women can have desperate energy too-the desperate to find a husband, you know, desperate to find a baby daddy kind of energy.

Robin Ducharme 1:07:15
If anybody’s running out, right?

Kevin Anthony 1:07:16
If anybody is operating from that place of sort of desperate energy out in the dating space, you’re likely going to end up making bad choices, and so I completely agree with you. Make sure that your cup is full so that you’re going into the dating space from a place of feeling happy, whole, and content in your life. And also, by the way, I’m opening up space to have somebody share that with me. Very different energy.

Robin Ducharme 1:07:45
Very different. Beautiful.

Kevin Anthony 1:07:48
Well, Robin, I want to thank you for coming on the show, having this conversation with me, and I also want you to take a moment to tell people where they can find more about you and your book that you have written.

Robin Ducharme 1:08:00
Oh, thank you, Kevin. So my company name is Real Love Ready, and my book is called Real Love Ready. And what we’ve been on a mission for the past six years is to help people build their relational literacy. And what does that mean? It’s actually building skills, knowledge, and awareness of how to love better in the world with many people within relationships. So yes, of course, we’re talking today about our intimate partnerships, but we can build our relational literacy and how we relate to each other with all of our relationships. So realloveready.com is our website, and every year we host a large summit in Vancouver where we bring together the top relational experts to teach us for the weekend in person. And you know, it’s transformational for people that come. You leave there, and you learn from the best of the best, and you learn how to apply what you’ve learned in your life, and it changes. It changes your life for sure.

Kevin Anthony 1:09:04
That sounds amazing. And you know, I think if you’re one of those people, you’ve been out there, and you’ve been failing in relationships, and you’ve been, you know, having a difficult time dating. You know, obviously, you know, working with a coach and that kind of stuff is great. But, like, going to something like that and immersing yourself in learning new behaviors, new patterns, new skills. I just can’t think of a better investment in your future than doing something like that. So I think it’s super cool that you put something like that together.

Robin Ducharme 1:09:35
Yeah, it’ll be our fifth year this April. So yeah, it’s a phenomenal, phenomenal weekend, and I hope people come.

Kevin Anthony 1:09:44
Well, you know we’re getting the word out, right? So they’re here; they can go check out realloveready.com, correct? Right, where they can find that’s right, and they can find information on the workshop on the weekend as well, correct?

Robin Ducharme 1:09:57
That’s right.

Kevin Anthony 1:09:58
Awesome.

Robin Ducharme 1:09:58
Well, thank you for having me, Kevin. It’s been a joy.

Kevin Anthony 1:10:01
Thank you for coming on. It has been a joy indeed. And yeah, if if there’s any way we can collaborate in the future, I’d be happy to.

Robin Ducharme 1:10:11
Absolutely. Take care, everybody.

Kevin Anthony 1:10:14
All right, everybody. That’s all the time I have for this episode, and I will see you next week. I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave me a review, and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content, join me in the Passion Vault https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!