Last Updated on August 31, 2020

If you want to gain and keep a woman’s respect, you must become the kind of man women want.  You don’t need a bunch of seduction techniques, gimmicks, tricks, pick-up tactics, or mind games, to gain a woman’s respect and have her desire you. You simply need to be a strong man.

THE POWER OF NO

Saying no to someone else is saying yes to yourself. Every time you agree to something halfheartedly, you rob yourself of your power. It also undermines your relationship with your partner. She loses respect for you, little by little when you don’t stand up for yourself. 

The tricky part is to stay connected with your beloved, even when you are saying no or setting a boundary. You want to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, and most importantly, with your feelings and needs. 

In reality, when you want to say no, it’s because you want to say yes to something more fun and appealing to you – something that is a better match for your needs. I encourage you to look within and understand that when you set a boundary, there’s something underneath it.

When you want to say no to something, it’s because there’s something else you want. So when a “no” comes up for you in reaction to something, look within, find out what the “yes” might be, and permit yourself to give that to yourself. 

Having obvious boundaries about what you are willing to do or not do, knowing what you want to take on, or don’t want to take on, can be sexy. It shows how well you take care of yourself. It shows direction, strength, and purpose, all of which are sexy traits. Telling her no makes her happy in the long run. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 108 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN WEAK AT THE KNEES AND CRAVE YOU

DITCH MISTER NICE GUY

Don’t be nice, constantly trying to win her approval. Instead be real, nicely. Being too nice makes you fall into the friend category, and people tend to lose respect for you. Being a jerk, on the other hand, isn’t the solution to get you closer to someone either. 

Powerfully stating what you want is hot, always. When she knows you can say no, she will trust your yes’s more and open up to you more. She will know she can ask for anything, and you will answer her truthfully. The more she can ask and get wild, the more you can be her hero, and the more you will enjoy contributing.

She can open to receiving you more. And really, having a woman receiving all of you is the ultimate. Knowing that she can trust you to hold your boundaries, and get your needs met nicely, is an aphrodisiac. 

READ THIS: TRAITS YOU MUST DEVELOP TO SUCCEED WITH WOMEN

EMBRACE DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS

Take the lead, even if it’s hard sometimes, especially when you have to state your boundaries. Sometimes it requires some sweat to gain a woman’s respect and it’s not always an easy task. 

You might fear the pain it could create for her or the anger she might throw back at you. I know it’s hard to have an awkward conversation, but it will be worth it quickly.

It is so essential to choose discomfort over the resentment that builds when needs go unmet over time. The few minutes of uneasiness are worth the effort compared to the years of bitterness and withholding that pile up into a giant pile of sh*t.

SET BOUNDARIES

The original meaning of “bound” was to leap, to strike. I love the image it brings into my mind of taking a leap of faith, springing or jumping a long way to a great height. 

This is precisely what boundaries can do: bring us closer and build intimacy to new heights. Boundaries are about mutual respect and loving yourself first. When used well, they bring us closer rather than creating separation.

So what does it look like to set boundaries nicely in a relationship?

First, let’s look at how boundaries affect us. Studies have shown that in a playground surrounded by a fence, children tend to play more freely throughout the entire area. Without the fence, they tend to stay close and remain stuck in the middle of the playground.

So the fence is like the boundaries you construct for your relationship. When you lay it all out ahead of time, you give your partner (and yourself) more room to play and have fun. The more clear those boundaries are, the more creatively you can play within them. So, in reality, boundaries ADD more freedom of choice and expression. They don’t take it away. 

But let’s make it clear. Creating boundaries is not about closing doors to your partner. It is only about closing doors to actions you do not like, or that create pain for you.

Boundaries in action:

Example: Next time your partner says: “Can you help me clean the house?” You could say: “I would love to help you with that, as soon as I finish this project. I will be done in about 30 minutes. Will, that work for you?”

Example: When someone wants to meet with you on Wednesday at 2 pm, and you are booked, you could respond: “I am booked then. I am available to meet on Thursday and Friday at 10 am. Does either of those work for you?”

Example: When needing undisturbed time for productivity, you can set the environment so that others will respect that need. Say something like: “I need 2 hours of focus time on my business, so please do not disturb me while my door is closed. I will be happy to check in with you again after I have completed this project. How does that sound to you?”

One secret about boundaries: They don’t work if you don’t say them.

Don’t expect others to read your mind and automatically know your boundaries. It is your job to tell someone else how you expect to be treated and what happens when you are not being treated in the way you request.

Set consequences if a boundary is crossed and STICK TO IT. You need to be specific, clear, concise, and to the point.

SEXY CONFIDENCE

By being consistent, you will ooze confidence. Setting clear boundaries brings you a sense of freedom and makes you feel powerful. They open the way more than they limit you. 

With excellent skills about boundaries, you will ultimately have deeper relationships, and find yourself loving and respecting yourself more.

When you respect yourself, you will gain your woman’s respect. A subtle side effect is that you will have more time and energy to do what you enjoy most, because you will spend less time defending your needs, and more time exploring new edges and pleasures. 

Boundaries are rooted in self-respect, and that gives you character and inner-value. And that, my friend, is what women find sexy.