Last Updated on August 21, 2020

So many men want to last longer in bed. It’s a great concept but how do you get there? Wouldn’t it be great if you had some specifics; some practical guidelines with do’s, don’ts, and best positions?

Hint, hint:: you will be getting that today, so keep reading. 

Lasting longer is good for everyone. It’s good for the man because it boosts his confidence and power and is essential for his health. Yes, the longer you can stay in a heightened state of pleasure and arousal, the more healing can happen in your body.

It’s also good for the woman because longer sex sessions allow her to tap into her loving-radiant feminine essence and open to deeper orgasms and pleasure. 

Lingering in a heightened state of pleasure for at least 45 minutes will reset your entire body and create more joy, love, and connection in your relationship.

If you want sex to be healing and empowering, and if you wish sex to be a tool to bring greater connection and intimacy in your relationship, then your sex needs to be about extended pleasure, both yours and hers, and not just about a goal of “getting off.”

For most people, sex ends when you get that big release. Guess what? That release is not where the benefit comes — just the opposite.

Your big release (orgasm and ejaculation) is the end of what you are wanting. It is the end of your building connection, intimacy, polarity, and desire. If you can stay in that state for a longer time, you are washing your body in pleasure, and all the healing that brings. 

Now that we have established the necessity of staying in a higher state of bliss let’s take a closer look at the path.

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE

Your first step is to recondition your body and nervous system. You must learn to relax your muscles instead of tensing them.

Tension = ejaculation. I can never say that one enough.

Even if you think you don’t tense up, next time you are in a high arousal state, notice how you clench your jaw, tighten your glutes, and contract your abs. And see how your breath gets more quick and shallow or stops entirely. There is always more room for less tension and greater relaxation.

Slow and steady over fast and hard.

Slow is critical, pace yourself if you want to win this race. Baby steps, remember. You will be able to speed it up again, once you have mastered your body, but always start slow. Stay in your sweet spot, that place between a 6-8 on your 0-10 scale ( 0 being not aroused and 10 being an orgasm). 

THE ONE POSITION TO AVOID

The primary position to avoid is the missionary, also known as the man on top. Because it increases the tension in your glutes, thighs, and pelvic floor muscles.

Unless you have already mastered the art of staying relaxed while being excited, avoid this position for now.

READ THIS: 5 TIPS TO MASTER YOUR EJACULATION 

THE THREE BEST POSITIONS TO LAST LONGER

1. Side scissor position 

What it looks like:: both on your side, facing each other, with your legs crisscrossed like two pairs of scissors, with her top leg wrapped around your waist. 

“Side scissor position” is excellent because you can be fully relaxed and yet very connected to your partner. It allows for deep penetration without creating as much friction and pressure as a rear-entry position.

Whenever you get at the top of your sweet spot, over a 7 or 8 in your pleasure scale, it’s time to slow down, or go less deep, or focus on pulling out instead of thrusting in. When you are down to 5-6 again, begin again, and slowly build back up. 

2. Her on top (cowgirl)

What it looks like:: you on your back, her on top facing you, sitting up, with her legs on either side of your hips, hands on your chest. For more spice, she can be reversed and facing your feet. 

You can be fully relaxed, and she can be in control. Now it is essential that you both agree beforehand to slow things down whenever you feel close to your edge. Your lasting power requires her total cooperation.

Create signals you can use to tell her when you are getting at the edge of your sweet spot, so she knows when to slow down or stop altogether. This is hard for some women because they are not used to cooperating, but it is crucial that she honor your needs, so you can both enjoy the ecstasy for much longer. 

3. Seated face-to-face position (yab yum)

What it looks like:: sit comfortably, either cross-legged or with your legs straight, while she mounts and sits between your legs. Put a pillow behind your back if that makes it more comfortable. 

This is a very intimate position that gives you a lot of flexibility. When you both lean back, it gives you deeper penetration, and when you lean forward, it makes it more shallow. Either one of you can thrust while the other holds the position, or both of you can thrust at the same time. Different speed and depth creates a lot of variety and keeps it interesting, without becoming overstimulating for the man. 

These three positions will give you more confidence and control over your body. You will be able to enjoy sex more, last longer, and stop worrying. Give them a try and let me know which one worked best for you.