3 Keys To Helping A Woman Orgasm

If I were to follow the standard line (in case you don’t know, I am a rebel at heart), my title would say “How To Give A Woman The Best Orgasm Of Her Life.” That would be catchy but inauthentic to what I know and believe. So let’s reframe how we think of male/female dynamics and who gives who an orgasm. This article will provide you with the key steps to helping a woman orgasm and is by no means exhaustive.

You see, orgasms aren’t something that is given to us by another, like flowers or chocolate. Instead, it is a state of being we reach – a state we achieve when we succeed in dropping our worries, fears, and inhibitions, and give ourselves full permission to feel pleasure.

In other words, we are responsible for our own orgasms, and it can’t be given to us. It can only be simply facilitated.

I know it can be difficult to wrap your head around the concept because most men love to “provide” women with orgasms. And then, it becomes a source of disappointment for many men, when she doesn’t cum. And guess what? It is also the main reason women fake orgasms – to please their partner, or make them feel successful and manly. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 37 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: YOUR SEXUAL SATISFACTION IS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY

THE MOST CRUCIAL ELEMENTS OF ORGASMS

Statistics say that 80% of women fake orgasms. So men need to get better at helping women orgasm. Most women have enormous difficulties reaching any kind of orgasm, but with some guidance and safe space, they can learn to open up more and relax.

Only relaxation and receiving can bring a woman to a mind-blowing orgasm, and that is something she does for herself. Nothing else will work without that opening within her. Learning how to relax is one of the most important things she can do in her sex life. 

Keep in mind, that her biggest sex organ is between her ears. Which means that you must stimulate her mind first and foremost. If you can do that, then you take sex from mechanical to deeply connected.

Every woman is different in how she likes to be seduced, but engaging her brain will help create a constant state of arousal. From that place, she can be more in touch with the ebbs and flow of her desire.

That’s the secret in helping her achieve orgasms more often and reach greater heights of pleasure.

Now let’s explore this more. 

WHOLE BODY AROUSAL

Often a lack of orgasm = a lack of connection to the body. If you can assist your woman tune out her to-do list, chores, and inhibitions, and help her slow things down mentally, then this allows her awareness to shift to her pleasure. That is the key to helping a woman orgasm. 

Stimulate her entire body from her head to her toes. All body parts can be erogenous zones. The softer and more gentle you move, the more she can open up and surrender. Pay attention to her body movements and keep building excitement without touching her “hot spots” first.

First, you want to stay away from her pussy and clitoris and connect with the rest of her body and her heart tenderly.

This is truly the first step for her to warm up, and with that, chances are it will stoke her fire. Then, she will be ready and begging you for more. That’s when you can integrate the “hot spots” below.

THE 3 KEYS TO ORGASM

First stop: the breasts

A conscious, melting touch without squashing, squeezing or overstimulation of the nipples will awaken the energy of the breasts. There’s a direct connection between the breasts and the vagina. A woman with a soft, open heart will have a juicier pussy.

The lubrication glands in the vagina respond abundantly when the breasts are lovingly touched. So, if she is not juicy yet, try that. And if she is, try it anyway, because it adds to her desire and readiness for you to penetrate later.

Second stop: the erectile network

Most people focus solely on the clitoris glans, but it’s really just the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more to the clitoris than the eyes can see. The clitoris is composed of three parts:

1) the head, which is what most associate with the “clit.”
2) the shaft, which is like the shaft of a man’s penis, but much smaller, and usually hidden under the hood
3) and the legs which (like the shaft too) which extends down either side of the labia (lips of the vaginal opening).

This erectile tissue in the shaft and legs means that the head of glans of the clitoris is not the only area that can become enlarged when stimulated properly. So pay sweet attention to all parts, for the best sensation, and for the best buildup to higher levels of pleasure for her. You want to stroke the clitoris very very lightly, at least to start – the upper-left quadrant is supposedly the most sensitive.

LISTEN TO EPISODE 02 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT IN BED

Now you also want to focus underneath the outer lips, so you can stimulate what’s called the vestibular bulbs, until they get big and puffy, and sometimes get darker. They also attach to the clitoris shaft, so when you apply gentle firm pressure on them, they get engorged and help stimulate the clitoris shaft and glans as well. That’s taking the sensations to the next level. It will make penetration inside the vagina much more pleasurable for her.

Last but not least: the vagina

A technique called “clocking” involves gently massaging with a soft finger all around the inner walls of the vagina, spending just 15-60 seconds on each “hour position” inside. This will help relax the vagina and release trauma to make room for more pleasure in her sensations.

There’s no need to specifically focus on what is called the g-spot, at least not for a while, because you actually want to awaken more area for more sensations. Imagine that the top toward the pubic bone is 12 o’clock, and massage in and out slowly, with slight but increasing pressure.

Then move around the clock in gentle circular motions, with 6 o’clock being towards the anus. Take your time around the clock, and discover which parts are more responsive to the touch. If there’s pain present, simply hold your finger in place and have her breath into it, until it softens or dissolves.

TAKE IT SLOW

Then, she might be more ready for a higher experience of pleasure and be ready for penetration. Ask when she is ready. If she wants more of this new, sensitive, giving foreplay, give it to her. You can’t give her an orgasm, but you can give her what she needs to give herself one. 

Remember the journey is more important than the destination. Put on your explorer hat and have fun.