Last Updated on August 31, 2020

If your relationship isn’t where you want it to be and you want to fix it, I am going to show you the ONE thing to focus on right now.

And it may not be what you want to hear.

You see, I’ve been facilitating one-on-one sessions and workshops for over seven years,  helping my clients have better sex and deeper relationships. And in working with thousands of men and women, I’ve started to see a pattern emerging.

If your relationship isn’t where you want it to be, guess where you should look first?

You probably have some stories about why you’re in your current situation. But in my experience, most stories are just that, stories. Most individuals hold onto them as excuses for why things aren’t working the way they would like. It’s all about their circumstances.

At first glance, it might seem like there are EXTERNAL REASONS for your relationship to be where it is.

You might think it’s about your partner. It might be that you haven’t read the Kama Sutra backward and forward. Or “if only she/he would stop doing that annoying habit” everything would be great.

If you aren’t getting enough sex, perhaps you are thinking that it’s simply the normal and natural effect of growing familiar, as everyone says. After all, most expect the passion to wean down after a few years. 

READ THIS: THE SECRET OF SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

As tempting as it is to think that something or someone, outside of yourself is holding you back, the truth is:

Nothing that’s happening EXTERNALLY is keeping you from having your ideal relationship. 

The reality is (here is the part you might not enjoy hearing) that if you haven’t gotten the sex you want or the intimacy you seek – there is usually something going on INTERNALLY that is preventing you from having what you want.

It truly is almost ALWAYS an inside job!

Think of it this way, and ask yourself this critical question. If you are dissatisfied with all of your relationships, and they all have similar ways of falling short of what you want. What is the one thing they ALL have in common? 

The answer is… YOU. 

So look inside, and see what you are bringing to your relationships. Because what you bring is changeable. You and only you are in your control.

Change yourself to change your relationships.

No matter what the other brings, you cannot change them. So to make the most of your relationships, do the work to change what you can change. Start by changing yourself, and your outside circumstances will follow. 

REPLACE PRESSURE WITH PLEASURE

Trying to solve things mentally, only keeps your wheels spinning indefinitely. You must get out of your head to see the bigger picture and gain perspective. When we hold a tight grip on things, we are stuck, and we built a lot of stress. 

Use your body and choose pleasure as a way to dissolve those issues. It works!  Pleasure is the fastest track to better sex and deeper relationships. 

THE THREE MINDS

You see, I believe we have three minds — head, heart, and sex. We need to activate and align all three to achieve our full potential for joy, power, and success.

If your head is going one direction, while your heart wants something different, and your sex is disconnected, the result is a struggle within yourself and struggles with your relationship. 

Meet my client, Ted. Ted has erection issues when he has sex with his wife. He is puzzled because he wakes up every day with a boner and has no trouble getting hard when he masturbates watching porn.

When you ask Ted about his issues, he answers that everything is fine. After all, he runs daily, eats well, has a great job and makes plenty of money. And he truly loves his wife. But somehow, when he is with his wife alone in bed, he cannot get hard. What might be going wrong? 

When I ask him to look at the situation from his “head-mind,” he admits that he knows that sex is what his relationship needs, but cannot figure out how to make it better. He also doesn’t think she likes it.

When we tune into his “heart-mind,” Ted can see he loves her but is also sad that he can’t fulfill her. 

And when I ask him what is “sex-mind” is thinking, he says he is terrified of being a failure. 

In this case, all three minds are working against him. No wonder he is not able to have consistent erections, because his whole being is fighting, doubting, or disagreeing with sex. 

To get the results you are wanting, you need to align the three minds, so they are all supporting your goals. 

Aligning Your 3 Minds Is a 3-Step Process:

1 — ACTIVATE: Listen to what each mind wants. 

2 — ALIGN: Bring all three minds together toward one goal. 

3 — ACHIEVE: Focus all your energy for unstoppable power.

Congruency is the key. It is what happens when you align all three minds. Congruency brings all the powers and skills of your entire being into play to accomplish your goals.

And that’s usually the one thing most people don’t bring to a relationship. 

TAKE THE FIRST STEP

To align the three minds, you need to start with the heart, follow with the mind, and energize with your sex. 

To fully get into a new idea or project, you need to love it, or you will never be able to align your three minds toward that goal.

So decide what you want to do from your heart, and never from your head. Then, hire your brain to figure out how to achieve your desire. And then, energize your actions with your sexual energy and creativity. 

LISTEN TO EPISODE 40 OF THE LOVE LAB PODCAST: GETTING REAL ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP EXPECTATIONS

So let’s jump into it with the most critical questions you need to ask yourself.

Pause for a second and answer these two questions right now:

  1. What are my three minds saying about my relationship right now? 
  2. What can I do differently to be more in alignment with my three minds?

Fix your relationship by fixing yourself.   

The minute you change and show up as your authentic self, you give your relationship a chance to grow beyond your expectations.