Why Women Fake Orgasms

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 209. And it’s titled Why Women fake orgasms. Okay, you better listen to this one, guys, because women fake orgasms way more than you realize. So we’re going to cover that we’re going to cover you know all the stats about how many women actually fake orgasms, we’re going to cover all the reasons or at least as many as we could think of.

Kevin Anthony 0:53
Why, why women I’m sure some women will come up with some crazy reasons but we’ve thought of a decent list as to why women fake orgasms. We’re also going to talk about how you can tell if a woman is faking an orgasm. And then what a woman should do instead of faking orgasms, and what a man should do instead as well. So if you’re a man and you find that your woman is faking orgasms, what can you do about that? So lots to talk about in this episode, and we should just dive right in.

Céline Remy 1:26
But let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsors first. So if you are men, and you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections, last longer, or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 1:49
All right, so let’s just dive in and start with, you know, do women really fake orgasms? So? Obviously, the answer to that is yes. But the question then becomes like, how often is this a common thing.

Céline Remy 2:05
So, in doing research, we found three different studies, and some of them are older, and some of them are more recent, so take them with a grain of salt. According to one study, 80% of the woman involved had a fake orgasm during sex, and 20% of participants reported that they had fake orgasms 90% of the time. Alright, so

Kevin Anthony 2:28
80% of the women have faked an orgasm at some point. And out of that 20% said they fake it 90% of the time.

Céline Remy 2:38
Another study showed that 68% of women reported that they had faked orgasms. And then there’s a third study that found that 54% of women said they have faked an orgasm with 26% saying that the effect of Garrison every single time they have sex.

Kevin Anthony 2:58
Wow. 26%.

Céline Remy 3:01
So I mean, the nine numbers vary. And

Kevin Anthony 3:05
yeah, but they’re all high way.

Céline Remy 3:09
There’s definitely a problem. I will say that I am part of a camp that has never faked an orgasm. Oh, my I

Kevin Anthony 3:17
was gonna ask you that question. It’s gonna totally put you on the spot and ask you if you’ve ever faked one.

Céline Remy 3:21
No. Because in doing so I’m doing myself a disservice.

Kevin Anthony 3:25
Ah, yes. So that is something that we will talk about more later on. We talked about what women can do, and why they should stop faking orgasms. So we’ll get there. So don’t go too deep into it. But I mean, you can give your own.

Céline Remy 3:40
No, I mean, ultimately, I’d rather have an awkward conversation or just have somebody with a bruised ego for a little bit, rather than faking it, because if I fake it, then the person I’m with thinks they did a good job. Therefore, they’re going to repeat the very poor job, they did a great job. And my result is going to stay the same become a

Kevin Anthony 4:01
self-fulfilling prophecy. Right? So you know, the more you fake it, the more you have to fake it. Yes. Right. So we’ll get deeper into that later on. But let’s, there was one other study that we found that was somewhat interesting as well. And it was one that was talking about attachment styles and how that relates to faking orgasms. And so it found that people with avoidant and anxious attachment reported that they faked orgasms, but for different reasons.

Kevin Anthony 4:30
So we’re not going to go into attachment styles right now. If you’re curious about what that means, please see our episode 133 We did a whole show. It’s titled How your attachment style affects your relationship. And you can learn all about the different attachment styles there. But what was interesting is that the avoidant women tended to fake orgasms to end sexual intercourse sooner.

Kevin Anthony 4:54
Right? Well, of course, they’re avoidant, right. They’re trying to avoid we’re anxious women. and tended to fake orgasms in order to give a boost to their partner’s egos. That makes sense to their anxiety right. So in both cases, the researchers noted avoidant and anxious women were more likely to fake orgasms than their securely attached counterparts as a strategy for avoiding negative emotions or negative emotional states.

Kevin Anthony 5:21
Okay, so that’s kind of leading us right into the reasons why women fake orgasms. So we’ve got we got here 11 reasons why women fake orgasms, so we’re gonna give you each one. And we’re gonna give you a little explanation as to why that might be. Some of them are going to be obvious, but some of them might, you might be like, Wait, I don’t quite understand that. So

Céline Remy 5:47
Well, number one is to keep their partner. It’s kind of the obvious, it’s like, if he is happy, then he’s gonna stay with me.

Kevin Anthony 5:58
Yeah, so that one’s pretty obvious. Basically, just trying to make him happy, make him feel good so that he’ll stick around. Number two, is to sexually satisfy a partner. So you know, there, there are a lot of men, and we’ll talk about this when we get to what the men can do as well. But there are a lot of men that tie their self-worth, to their ability to make a woman orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 6:23
That by the way, there are women that tie their self-worth and their ability to give men orgasms, too. And those women tend to create men with premature ejaculation. That’s a whole nother thing. It’s a slight aside. But no, often when we’re talking about gender things, sometimes it’s important to just bring up that both sides often have the same issues, but just a little bit different. Right? Yeah. So so in this particular case. So some men will not be satisfied unless they believe that their woman had an orgasm.

Céline Remy 6:54
So you kind of know, you’re in trouble if, let’s say you have somebody new and the person’s like, yeah, last time I had sex, I made her come nine times. Let’s see if we can make it more for you today. And it’s like, the one might be like, Okay, so number one. In this scenario, there’s nothing about me. It’s all about competition with a woman I don’t know about.

Céline Remy 7:17
And number two, it’s all based on your performance. And you don’t even care about me. That’s a really, really crazy situation. I know that as a guy you thinking, well, I want to impress her because I made her come nine times the price. And

Kevin Anthony 7:31
he’s gonna say, Well, what do you mean, I don’t care about her. This is all about her. It’s all about her. She’s the one having nine orgasms. No, dude, it’s all about you and your fucking ego.

Céline Remy 7:42
That’s for sure. That’s for sure. Reason number three, faking for lack of reason not to,

Kevin Anthony 7:49
oh, this was an interesting one. Okay, so faking for lack of a reason not to. So there are basically women who will fake it just because like, Yeah, wow, whatever. You know, I mean, there’s no real reason not to, like I could or I don’t have to, but the thing there is, they don’t realize the harm that it’s causing. And if they did realize that, then they probably wouldn’t do it.

Kevin Anthony 8:16
But it was an interesting one that I didn’t make that one up. I found that one on the internet. And I think it was Psychology Today, where I found that and I was like, Huh, that’s really interesting. Because, to me, it’s like, okay, there are different types of people in the world, right? There are people who make stuff happen, and there are people who just sit back and let stuff happen to them, right.

Kevin Anthony 8:38
So you know, you might say, like, the go-getters, and whatever you want to call the other group. And I was reading this and like, faking for lack of a reason not to just sound it’s so unbelievably disempowering, like, Yeah, whatever. There’s no really I mean, yeah, right.

Céline Remy 8:57
Sure. Netflix.

Kevin Anthony 9:02
Yeah, exactly. Like, just it was interesting because I would think, you know, well, you shouldn’t be and if you’re not, you should try your best to change this. But if you want to have great sex, you have to actively participate in it. You have to get up off your lazy ass and do something. And that if that might mean, learn some new skills. That might mean trying really hard.

Kevin Anthony 9:24
Pay attention really hard. And this goes for both men and women. This isn’t just men, men get a bad rap because they don’t pay attention or they just go through the mall or whatever. But you know, women will do the same thing to ever have sex with a woman who just lies there the whole time and didn’t do anything. Like that’s not fucking fun.

Céline Remy 9:42
All right, number four, she is insecure because she does not have orgasms. This

Kevin Anthony 9:47
one probably is one of the most common reasons for women who are unable for various reasons to have orgasms but don’t want to admit that there are unable to have an orgasm. This is an interesting thing like, like, obviously, like with a guy, the big thing, there’s two things in the sexual arena, you don’t want to admit that you can’t get it up or he can’t last long, right?

Kevin Anthony 10:11
Well, if you can’t get it up, there’s no hiding that right. And if you can’t last it, there’s no hiding that either, right? So, you know, there’s not a whole lot men can fake about that things. But for women, on the women’s side, one of the main sexual dysfunction, especially, I mean, you see this a lot working with women is the inability to orgasm,

Céline Remy 10:29
especially with intercourse. And so a lot of women’s numbers are really high. The amount of women who do not orgasm from intercourse, I think goes up to like 80%, because really high. And I think there’s a combination both have a lack of understanding of their anatomy. And sometimes it could be a lack of compatibility.

Céline Remy 10:51
But mostly, you know, you can learn to become compatible. It’s mostly a lack of communication, understanding, and a lack of patience. Because most people think an orgasm should come in seconds. We’ll come back to that later. And when we teach our courses and have private clients, I was just teaching a client of mine the other week, and I was telling her that it is normal, that it could take up to 45 minutes.

Céline Remy 11:21
And she was like, what, 45 minutes? I’m like, Absolutely, yeah. 20 minutes is kind of bare minimum of 30 minutes, 45 minutes before you can get to that higher place. And we’ve

Kevin Anthony 11:32
covered this so many times on this show, right? But there were two big studies done, they’re older now I wish they would do newer ones. But the two big studies are done about how long it takes men, on average to orgasm versus women. And I have these stats just imprinted on my brain because out of 209 episodes, I’ve probably shared them in over 100 of them because it comes up that often

Céline Remy 11:52
I know, I’m like please don’t see them again.

Kevin Anthony 11:55
But it’s relevant. And so we have two which is that the average man in one study lasted three to five minutes. In the other study five to seven minutes. For women, it took 20 to 30 minutes. And honestly, our personal experience not just in our own sex life, but in coaching people is that for women, it can take sometimes upwards of 4045 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 12:17
And so you can see that there’s a huge disparity here. Why aren’t women having orgasms? When they’re having intercourse? vaginal intercourse? Well, because he’s done in 10 minutes, and she’s barely even warmed up yet.

Céline Remy 12:33
Yeah. And if he hasn’t done a good job at warming up before, then it might even take even more time.

Kevin Anthony 12:40
Right? So then, of course, with all the ego and all the other stuff, you can see why women like well, I didn’t have an orgasm, but I guess I should just pretend I had one. But we’ll talk about why that’s a big problem and why you shouldn’t do it, stop it, stop it, ladies. Just stop it.

Céline Remy 12:58
Take number five.

Kevin Anthony 13:01
Number five, because single women have less of a chance at orgasm, to begin with, oh, this is an interesting one, too. So there was some research is done, where they discovered that women are half as likely to come in during casual sex, as they are in relationships. So at a rate of about 40% versus 75%.

Kevin Anthony 13:22
So, you know, if you’re a single woman and you’re dating, you are a lot less likely to have an orgasm, than if you’re in a committed relationship, that’s what the research shows. Now. Some people might go, wow, why is that? I mean, this is so obvious. So

Céline Remy 13:37
it’s really funny, you bringing this up? Because one of our really good friends, she’s in the dating world. And she just started a new relationship. And you know, because this is what we do. Well, friends tell us all the juicy details. She actually had an orgasm, I think on their second date.

Céline Remy 13:54
And she was blown away by that because she did say exactly that it usually takes her much more time to feel comfortable and safe enough to open up with a stranger. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 14:05
she said, and I actually had an orgasm. And that never happens. Right? That’s basically what you said, yeah. Because women need to feel safe, they need to feel a connection, they need to be able to really let go and open up before they can access that orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 14:19
Now, of course, there are always going to be a few women who this does not apply that could meet a stranger on the street, have sex in the back of their car and come in five minutes. Yes, it happens. But it’s extremely rare. You are the outliers, not the average.

Céline Remy 14:37
Number six, they have conditioned this story they are conditioned to believe they should also have a happy ending. So sometimes it feels awkward if they don’t so they’re thinking Well if he’s got his happy ending might as well make mine happen. Let’s go for it.

Kevin Anthony 14:52
Okay, first of all, nobody should be conditioned that sex has to end in a happy ending and that goes for you to men if you are listening Write, your sex does not have to end with an ejaculation, especially if you know how to move energy, especially if you know how to separate orgasm from ejaculation, you can still have all kinds of amazing mind-blowing sex, where you can barely walk across the room to go pee after you’re done without actually having an ejaculation.

Kevin Anthony 15:18
So nobody should have that expectation. But what’s interesting is, is as we see the masculinization of women happening in our society, we also see some of the masculine expectations showing up in women’s behavior also, which is that she has to have an orgasm, which really is not true. You know,

Céline Remy 15:42
I also want to talk maybe briefly addressing orgasms. In terms of the flavors of orgasms. There are so many orgasms that we can have. Sometimes we have mind-blowing orgasms and screaming orgasms. Sometimes our whole bodies are shaking. Sometimes it’s like a tingle. Sometimes it just feels like a deep release. But there’s nothing else like it just like I just had a great nap.

Céline Remy 16:10
Firstly, like, I’m so relaxed. There are so many ways to orgasm. And I think that the problem is both men and women only like one flavor. And they’re like, I only want this type of orgasm. And therefore if I don’t have that, I missed the mark. But they’re not even realizing that in the process, they may have had little mini waves. A little bit of pleasure here and there. And they’re missing out.

Kevin Anthony 16:40
Yeah, I think that two things are happening. One is they don’t realize that there are different types of orgasms. So they think all that other stuff isn’t actually an orgasm, only the big screaming eruption. One is the actual orgasm, which simply isn’t true. And the other thing is they tend to rank orgasms in a hierarchy, right.

Kevin Anthony 16:57
And so they think the big explosive outward, Screaming Orgasm is the top of the food chain. Right? Like, that’s the that is the goal all the time. And if we don’t get there just wasn’t as good as it could have been. Which really isn’t true. And you know, there might be a few women listening who are like, Well, we haven’t really if I don’t have that was only okay.

Kevin Anthony 17:23
But you really have to learn to tune into the more subtle energies. Because, you know, lovemaking varies, it always varies. You never gonna find a guy or a girl who performs up to that level, every single time all the time. I mean, that doesn’t even happen in porn movies, they just can cut the shot and start over, right? So really, if you want to have amazing sex consistently, you have to redefine what amazing sex is.

Céline Remy 17:57
Well said, number seven, they are tired. And they just wanted to be over.

Kevin Anthony 18:04
This is probably the second most common reason.

Céline Remy 18:08
Like, what are we going to talk about this elephant in the room? The

Kevin Anthony 18:10
The first one is Is she does an orgasm. The second one is she just wants to get it over with quickly now and doesn’t really like it. Right? So this one says that she’s tired. And once again, there could take that she’s tired part out and replace it with 50 other things because there could be 50 other things in there that start, you know, that are the beginning of this sentence that ends with just want it to be over.

Kevin Anthony 18:34
They’re bored, they’re tired, they’re not attracted to him. He’s no good in bed. There are too many things on their mind. The kids need whatever, like, there is a huge list of reasons why she might want to just get it over with quickly. And therefore she may orgasm so that you go okay, I did a good job. And you know, and here’s another thing too, is, even if a guy has control over his orgasm, a lot of times what we’ll do, and I admit I do this too. I’ll say okay, I can control my orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 19:06
But I’m not going to like if I want to orgasm and or Jackie late, I’ll say, Well, I’m not going to do it until she does. Because I want to make sure that you know you’re having a good experience and satisfied to so I’ll intentionally hold it back once I know that you’ve had some orgasms or at least you’ve gotten to a place where you know you feel really happy and content with the lovemaking then I might let it go. And so just that idea of yes, just sort of based on whether or not I do on whether or not you do

Céline Remy 19:45
Yeah, I think for women we don’t have as much incense that we can keep going. multiples are easier. Once we know how. So there’s not so much of like, oh, I shouldn’t come now big, And then maybe he won’t come later. I don’t know what

Kevin Anthony 20:07
the thing is here is if she knows that he can do that she wants to sex to be over, she’ll fake the orgasm, so that he’ll go ahead and have his orgasm and then the sex will be done. And because once he comes, then it’s pretty much over at that point doesn’t have to be by the way men, but for a lot of people, it is.

Kevin Anthony 20:24
And so she’s been changed now that once he ejaculates when we’re done, we’re out of here, right? So she’s going to speed things up. So that happens, which of course, then trains him to be a premature ejaculator. So ladies, don’t do that either.

Céline Remy 20:41
Number eight, they really, really, really like you. But they’re worried that if they asked you what they really want, they turn you off.

Kevin Anthony 20:49
So they need something specific. Yeah, to orgasm talk that clips. Well, what she needs is different for different women. So it’s not always the same. But she’s going to need some stuff in order to have an orgasm. But she might be afraid to ask for it.

Céline Remy 21:09
Again, this comes down to communication issues. Number nine. If you’re a new person that she’s seeing, again, new dating, it could be positive conditioning since he did everything right. So you’ll want to see her again.

Kevin Anthony 21:26
Yeah, that does actually happen, you know, where, you know, she likes him. And you know, he’s new, and she wants to give his ego a little positive boost so that he’ll want to come back. But you know, number one, again, this is bad behavior that you don’t want to get in because then you might end up in a situation where you’re gonna have to continually fake it or you Stop faking it at some point.

Kevin Anthony 21:52
And then he goes, Well, what’s the matter? And then you’re like, Oh, crap, what do I tell him? Because nothing’s a matter. It’s the same as always, I was just faking it before, you know. Not not not a situation you want to end up in.

Céline Remy 22:04
You kind of like gave number 11. But let’s do number 10. Are they drunk and they feeling theatrical?

Kevin Anthony 22:13
Yeah, this is this. This is another one I read online. And I thought it was interesting. And I was like, I think that was like on Cosmo. That’s totally the sort of thing you would find on Cosmo.

Céline Remy 22:25
source for a good database?

Kevin Anthony 22:28
Well, not necessarily. However, we did. Or you did have the editor of Cosmo. And actually, they did some good research. Remember, we did that episode. But what they are good at is just asking regular people and regular people will come up with like some of the craziest shit you’ve ever heard. Right?

Kevin Anthony 22:47
And so that this is one of those examples where like, they’re drunk and feeling like, yeah, maybe they’re just in a mood. And there, you know, that loud drunk, who just likes to be loud and obnoxious when they’re drunk, and they just overplay the role.

Céline Remy 23:03
Well, and last but not least, as our 11. You kind of talked about it, but they faked it that over time, and now they stuck or times exactly anytime. Because now they’re like, Shit, I have to keep doing it, or he’s going to know something was wrong. How do we

Kevin Anthony 23:18
well, because what’s going to happen is they’re going to have to have a conversation at that point. And they want to avoid an uncomfortable and potentially difficult conversation. Now, she might be able to get away with it and say, Well, I was orgasming. But I don’t know. It’s just something with me changed. He may or may not by that.

Kevin Anthony 23:38
But the reality is, is at some point, you’re going to have to have a conversation. Even if you don’t admit that you are faking it, it’s still going to be an uncomfortable conversation, which you don’t want to have to have. All right. Okay, so you want me to read the ad today? Do you? Okay? Are you a committed couple who is stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions instead of connecting the way that you used to?

Kevin Anthony 24:01
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Kevin Anthony 24:21
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Kevin Anthony 24:50
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Céline Remy 25:18
All right, well, how do you know that she is faking an orgasm?

Kevin Anthony 25:26
This is not the easiest thing to tell, especially if she’s good at it. But, guys, if you are in tune, there are definitely some things that you could look for that you will notice if you’re paying attention.

Céline Remy 25:38
So I’m gonna give you a little secret there. Her breathing rate hasn’t changed. It’s a little bit harder to fake that but when you get closer to an orgasm, your breathing gets faster.

Kevin Anthony 25:51
Yeah, absolutely. Which is one of the things that we teach, you know, if people are having trouble orgasming we teach them how to increase their breath, right? And if they’re orgasming too quickly, we teach them how to slow it down. Yes, they are connected.

Céline Remy 26:03
The breath is like the brakes or the accelerator. Yeah. So how you use

Kevin Anthony 26:07
so she’s like, and then also just ah, right, she just screams out of nowhere. That’s a sign she went from, you know, barely going anywhere to totally exploding. That’s a sign she might be faking it.

Céline Remy 26:25
She isn’t flushed or sweating. Because when you have a powerful orgasm, there’s a response that is tied up with the body. And we can really control that now. By the way, I really want to say that there’s not like the real orgasm is only when she’s like, sweaty and clenching. And all of this.

Céline Remy 26:46
There are again, as I said earlier, multiple flavors of orgasms. Okay, but this is something to be paying attention to, especially the flushing on the cheeks. And the reddening of the lips too. Yeah. Now really good little sign. her clitoris, look at it is her clit in gorged is her clit throbbing?

Kevin Anthony 27:10
Do you even know where it is?

Céline Remy 27:14
Make sure you go to power and mastery.com. We’ll teach you all about how to find it. Yeah, we

Kevin Anthony 27:18
also teach you all of this, what we would call visual acuity stuff, right? Like how to pay attention to what’s going on in her body, with her face, with her genitals, with her breathing, all these different things that you can look for to know where she’s at and what she’s up to at the moment.

Céline Remy 27:35
Now, the orgasm is over the top. That’s another sign that her response time is like 30 seconds or less. You just like, I don’t know, this her ear or twisted her nipple? And she’s like, oh, you know, and you’re like, Okay, for some women. It might work. But let’s face it for most of us.

Kevin Anthony 28:00
It’s just that well, yeah. And even if it does at that moment, it’s probably not something that would happen all the time. Like, you know, you’re not that deep into the lovemaking yet. And you grab your nipple or change angle or something like, Yeah, that could set her off, but it’s probably a one-off.

Céline Remy 28:17
And there’s also sometimes fake it until you make it. So you’ve what you might think is an orgasm. It might just be her pleasure response of like, oh, I’m getting into it. Yeah, but I’m not there yet. But you’re like, I did it. I scores and you’re like yeah, that’s another thing. You want to look for vaginal contractions. Is her vagina contracting? Not on purpose. Right?

Kevin Anthony 28:43
Well, so the difference in that is even if a woman has trained her vaginal muscles, and she’s got strong, she can squeeze them. She might even be able to flutter if she’s really good. But what you feel during an orgasm, those involuntary contractions have a different flavor.

Kevin Anthony 29:03
They feel different and they’re almost impossible to fake. They really are like, you can feel the difference. If she’s squeezing you. You’re like, okay, yeah, I can tell you’re intentionally squeezing me versus when you’re orgasmic. And then just firing off. It’s like, boom, boom, boom, it’s just a different feeling, you should be able to tell the difference.

Céline Remy 29:21
And then last, but not least, her orgasm is cute and contains. Well, I’m putting this kind of with air quotes because I’ve had clients that were very quiet. I was very surprised at their response, the orgasmic response, but at the same time, while they were still quiet, there was an arching of the back.

Céline Remy 29:45
There was flushing happening. There was a breathing rate changing, even though there might have been like, just like this and that like the big loud moans. So, you have to think that for most organs them’s kind of take us over. So if it’s just like this very pretty seen it stage, if it seems

Kevin Anthony 30:08
too controlled it is. That’s what it comes down to. Because really, an orgasm, whether you’re a man or woman is a state of complete loss of control. Like once you hit that actual orgasm, you tip over that 10 spots, you know, it’s, it’s no longer a controlled action. So if it seems controlled, it’s probably not real. Okay, so that’s how you can tell if she’s orgasmic.

Kevin Anthony 30:39
Now, in this last part of the show, we’ve broken it down into if a woman is faking orgasms, obviously, we want you to stop, right? Because this is not doing anybody any good is not doing you any good is not doing him any good. So what can you do instead? So we’re going to break this down? What should a woman do instead? And then what should a man do instead? Because remember, sex is a partner activity in this case? Yes, that means both people have some input.

Céline Remy 31:09
Mm-hmm. Well, number one is communication. Okay. The best way to talk about sex is not during sex. Probably not right after Ivor. But it’s best when you both relaxed on the couch, or in a place where you just didn’t good place, you know, and there’s some privacy.

Céline Remy 31:29
But you can start to talk about like, how maybe you don’t always have orgasms, or halfway you, it doesn’t mean you’re not enjoying it? Or what they mean. You know what? What do you like? What’s

Kevin Anthony 31:45
Yeah, so So number one on what should a woman do instead is Communicate, communicate, communicate, tell your partner, hey, look, I don’t always orgasm. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t, doesn’t mean I’m not having a good time. Doesn’t mean that you’re not good. What you did for me last time that made me orgasm maybe just isn’t working?

Kevin Anthony 32:05
Maybe I’m just too much in my head maybe? Who knows. So don’t hang your, ego, your self worth, or anything like that your ability on whether or not to have an orgasm. Just be upfront with that. And then of course, well, actually, that flows into number two, exactly.

Céline Remy 32:25
That’s kind of why I went in.

Kevin Anthony 32:29
Exactly. Number two is asking for what will really make you orgasm. So ask for what you want, you know, so we talked about reasons why women fake it. And one of them was because she was afraid to speak up and ask for what she really wanted and needed.

Kevin Anthony 32:42
So here you have an opportunity to ask for what you want. It’s really amazing when it comes to asking in the bedroom, because so many people, both men, and women are so afraid so often, to ask for what they want, what will really make them happy, what will really get them, you know, going and what’s amazing to me about that, is that you know, sex is supposed to be fun.

Kevin Anthony 33:07
It’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience, you’re supposed to it’s supposed to be as awesome as it can be like, why wouldn’t you just simply say, Hey, here’s what I need. Here’s what works for me.

Céline Remy 33:19
Hmm. Well, and you know, it could be simple things like, oh, keep going at this. I love this move. Oh, that feels so great. Don’t stop. Like, it doesn’t mean like, you don’t have to be negative.

Kevin Anthony 33:30
Well, you shouldn’t be negative, you should be positive and reinforcing. And you can do it, you know, as you said during the moment, which is positively reinforcing the things they’re doing that are good. But this, you should also be having this conversation outside of the bedroom, which is like, hey, you know what, the next time we have sex, but we’d really do it for me is if you do this,

Céline Remy 33:54
or let’s try that and see how it works. Because sometimes it sounds better in our head.

Kevin Anthony 34:00
Yeah, we always say don’t be afraid to fail. Yes. So try stuff.

Céline Remy 34:05
Number three, maybe he isn’t up to the job. And so as a woman, it is your responsibility to help him learn how to be better. So you can send him to power and mastery.com you can show and tell him what you like, and give him an anatomy Crash Course. Show him the things.

Kevin Anthony 34:26
Yeah, you know, I mean, just because a woman doesn’t own a penis doesn’t mean that she doesn’t know how to use one in a sense that, you know, I mean, I’ve had sex with women who were Tantra teachers before and they have good things to share. Like, either they’ve had sex with a fair number of people and have learned or you know, they’ve done the studying to know we know what works and so don’t be afraid if you’re a woman and you have the knowledge to share about how he could be better.

Kevin Anthony 34:56
Obviously, you have to do it delicately. You don’t want to insist or bruise his ego, I’m sure you can find ways to do it. But if he’s not doing it for you, and you’ve invested in this relationship, obviously, if it’s somebody you just met, and the sex isn’t good, and you know, there are other complicating factors, maybe they’re just not the right person for you.

Kevin Anthony 35:16
But otherwise, help him be better. You know, whatever little ego bruising he gets in the beginning, will be totally taken care of later on. When he learns and he starts doing you the way that you want to be done. And you start returning it in love, affection, and orgasms

Céline Remy 35:39
more. Yeah. You gotta learn to relax in lovemaking. If you can’t relax and let go and surrender, you can’t have orgasms. And this is something you have to do for yourself. I know people say I made her orgasm. But really, having an orgasm is a change of state. And it’s a place you go by yourself.

Céline Remy 36:07
Some people can facilitate it. But it’s still an internal job. So you gotta learn. How can you get there? How can you get out of your head? How can you get into your body? How can you surrender and let go?

Kevin Anthony 36:19
Yeah, so basically, what we’re saying here is if you’re a woman, and you’re faking orgasms, you’re faking orgasms, because you’re not having real orgasms, what you really need to do is learn how to have a real orgasm, especially if you’re in one of those most common categories where you’re faking it because you just don’t have access to your orgasms, which is very common these days. So you got to learn, you got to learn how to access your orgasm.

Céline Remy 36:40
And in learning, there’s also learning and strengthening your pelvic floor muscles because orgasms are rhythmical contractions of your pelvic floor muscles. If you have toned muscles, you have a good orgasmic response. If you have untuned muscles, it’s going to be harder.

Kevin Anthony 36:58
And some women who have really developed their pelvic floor muscles can actually make themselves orgasm just by squeezing those muscles. Think about that. If you’re having trouble orgasming realize that you don’t even have to touch your clit you don’t have to hit your G spot. You don’t have to do it. You can literally just sit there and squeeze your muscles to an orgasm,

Céline Remy 37:23
squeeze and relax. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 37:27
So that might be something you may want to learn how to do.

Céline Remy 37:30
And you know, here’s the thing, if you don’t know how to give yourself an orgasn, you can’t expect to do it with a partner.

Kevin Anthony 37:36
Well, that’s true. The learning starts, you learn how to access your orgasm by yourself first, yes. And then once you’ve learned how to do that, then you learn to take it into the bedroom and access it there as well. Well, and

Céline Remy 37:47
there are a couple things. The couple of things that we’ll talk about is if you have any repressed trauma that is in the way of your orgasms, you want to address that. So you might want to like the armoring and Sione massage and things like that, just to hop to, to release.

Kevin Anthony 38:05
Yeah, and so So yeah, that’s the next one on the list, which is the heal repressed trauma. And so that’s usually as we were just talking about, you know, you learn to access it on your own first, that’s what we’re talking about here is you do the work on your own.

Kevin Anthony 38:18
you learn how to get there, how to do all that stuff, whether it’s the dearmoring, or the, you know, a bunch of practices that you do with women and teach women how to release that trauma that gets stored there. So that you then have access to the orgasm, she removed the junk that’s in the way so that you can get to it. And last

Céline Remy 38:37
but not least take the matter into your own hands. Use that Klitz, whatever you need to do, don’t just lay there,

Kevin Anthony 38:44
use that clip, use that one. If you’re not on our email list you should be we send out emails every week. One, some of them are our content, but some of them are really great products that you can use. We have so many great affiliates for like amazing ones, and G Spot stimulation.

Kevin Anthony 39:06
And we’ve just partnered with a couple of new companies that have these really amazing high-end vibrators and like all this stuff, like if you’re not accessing your orgasm, there’s no excuse. There are a million things out there. You can work with saline, you can buy products from our affiliates that will help you just do something to take the matter into your own hands literally.

Kevin Anthony 39:28
Okay, so that’s some stuff that a woman can do. So if you are a woman, and you’re faking orgasms, there are a whole bunch of things that you can do to help you have real orgasms so that you no longer have to fake them. Now, what if you’re a man and she’s faking orgasms because, you know, as we said, this is a partner activity.

Kevin Anthony 39:50
There might be some stuff that she’s doing on her end that’s not allowing her to access her orgasms, but there might be some stuff you’re doing on your end that is not allowing her to access or orgasm so there’s Some stuff you too can do as a man number one, stop pressuring her to have an orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 40:06
How many times have we said this on this show? Does a woman need to be relaxed to have an orgasm? She absolutely has to be relaxed. She’s never going to be relaxed if there’s pressure on her that she has to have an orgasm.

Céline Remy 40:19
Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 40:21
Huge. Just stop it.

Céline Remy 40:23
Number two, don’t tie yourself worth to her orgasms.

Kevin Anthony 40:27
Yeah, this is crazy. I mean, it’s absolutely crazy that guys do this, like, women are like this black box and Nygma. When it comes to a lot of things, no matter how well we think we might understand them, orgasms are one of them.

Kevin Anthony 40:42
There are so many things that can influence her orgasm, and half of them, maybe 75% of them have nothing to do with you. Right? So don’t tie it to your self-worth. Why would you tie your self-worth or how you feel about yourself, or how you feel about your abilities in the bedroom to something that has nothing to do with you.

Céline Remy 41:07
It’s a good point. Number three, learn to be better in bed, especially last longer.

Kevin Anthony 41:17
All right. So you know, we’ve talked about this so many times. And we talked about it again at the beginning of the show, but she needs more time, she needs more time. You have to be able to go the distance. And you know, that’s only part of it to like learn foreplay, right.

Kevin Anthony 41:31
So in our power Mastery program, we teach you intimacy beforehand, after we teach a constant state of arousal. There are all these things, you know, there’s learning how to give good oral sex, there’s learning how to use your hands and fingers. There’s a lot of stuff that you could learn that can help her get to those orgasms faster.

Céline Remy 41:50
Number four, ask her how she likes to be touched. When in doubt, just ask her,

Kevin Anthony 41:55
most likely will know there are cases where she doesn’t really know. And if she doesn’t know that’s okay, so Okay, well, if you don’t know, I’m just going to try some stuff, and let’s see what happens. And if what you’re trying isn’t working, try something else. And if that isn’t working, try something else,

Céline Remy 42:13
you know, and make it a game you know, like when you know, maybe you could be like hot, warm or cold when you touch you know, so that she’s like, oh,

Kevin Anthony 42:21
you know what, what I find funny is sometimes guys get annoyed that like I’m doing this and it’s not working. Dammit. This isn’t working. I see it more as a game. I’m like, what else could What else could I do? What can I come up with here? Like, huh, I wonder if this will work? Let’s try it you know? Not so good. But what if I did this? You know, I think it’s fun to experiment. Try different stuff.

Céline Remy 42:48
Don’t be a jackhammer. Don’t be a jackhammer. I have to say that I’m sorry. This is I mean, while sometimes we like to be pounded straight, like a jackhammer. It’s not the way to orgasms for most women. So don’t stick to this one move.

Kevin Anthony 43:05
No so but you know, this is an interesting one because sometimes be a jackhammer and sometimes don’t be a jackhammer. So most of the time, don’t be a jackhammer, be a jackass. Don’t ever be a jackass. Meaning that a lot of guys think the way to make a woman come is to just be a jackhammer powder.

Kevin Anthony 43:24
But if she’s not in the mood for it, it’s absolutely not going to work, it’s going to shut her down, and it’s going to bring about the opposite result. However, if she is in the mood for pounding, and you are doing the jackhammer move because sometimes there is a time and a place for that.

Kevin Anthony 43:40
And you see her breathing is picking up, and she’s getting closer. In that case, don’t stop because women love rhythmic motions to help them achieve orgasm. So in that case, be a jackhammer. But outside of that, don’t.

Céline Remy 43:58
Super easy. We’ve got two more points for you. Be patient. Remember, we talked about how we need so much more time than you think we need the patient with us really? And then above all, make it about her, and not about your performance.

Céline Remy 44:16
Make it about her pleasure. Like, don’t make it about? Well, she didn’t do this. So that means that about me? No, don’t take it personally. Make it about her do your best. And that’s that.

Kevin Anthony 44:31
Performance is always about the audience. I mean, honestly, it is. And if it’s not, then you’re not a very good performer. What do I mean by that? I’m going to use a quick analogy here and then we’re going to wrap up the show. But have you ever seen a musician who gets up on stage and just is just ripping it but paying no attention to the audience whatsoever and he’s just up there doing his own thing.

Kevin Anthony 44:56
Maybe he’s a guitar player. I use a lot of those analogies because I am a guitar player, but he’s up there like ripping through shredding scales and doing all this stuff. And it’s like, wow, yeah, that shows that you are amazingly talented. And meanwhile, the audience is bored out of their fucking minds. And nobody’s moving. And they’re all just sitting there. And like, there are a few geeks who are super impressed by it and everybody else is.

Kevin Anthony 45:19
Then you might have somebody come up different performer and plays a simple blues scale. Nothing fancy about it at all, they probably didn’t use any more than five notes. And they probably didn’t use any more than five notes in like, you know, 30 seconds. And it moves people. And they’re like, whoa, right. It’s because they’re not up there to look at me and look at when I can do, they’re up there to evoke an emotion in you, the audience.

Kevin Anthony 45:52
And that’s what a great performance. So now if you take that idea and bring it into the bedroom, it’s the same thing. It’s not about as a guy, you know, how many thrusts you can do and how fast you can go and how long you can last or how many orgasms, you can make her. Because if you’re doing all of that, and you’re not paying attention to her, and how this experience is affecting her, then it’s all a waste of time anyway, right.

Kevin Anthony 46:14
So if you really truly want to have that mind-blowing sex that we talk about all the time, then the way to do that is to really move the other person, move them emotionally move them physically, right? That’s how you have that kind of sex.

Céline Remy 46:33
I’m just nodding my head.

Kevin Anthony 46:36
I’ve turned her into a bobblehead, but be able to use that. Alright, everybody, so there you go. That’s what we have for you on why women fake orgasms and what to do about it. And we hope that was helpful and informational. If you are a woman who’s faking an orgasm, remember, stop, and do the other positive things instead. If you’re a man and you find out your woman’s faking, find out how you can do better and find out what she needs.

Kevin Anthony 47:08
Because there’s no reason why anybody should be faking orgasms. 98% of the world that we live in is fake. Everything you see on TV is fake and in magazines is fake. And newspapers are fake politicians. everything they say is fake. Everything is fake in this world. Sex should be real.

Kevin Anthony 47:29
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 47:46
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Céline remy.com/ vault.

Kevin Anthony 48:00
Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing