What To Do When Your Partner Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With You

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 114. And it’s titled what to do when your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you. This is a complaint that a lot of couples have. And it spans both sides. So sometimes it’s the woman saying, Hey, you know, my husband’s not interested in having sex anymore.

Kevin Anthony 0:51
And sometimes it’s the other way around the husband saying, hey, my wife isn’t interested in having sex anymore. So last week, we kind of covered like, you know what to do to kind of spice things up and get the sort of Mojo going again. And this week is going to kind of be a continuation of that.

Kevin Anthony 1:08
But in the previous one, it was kind of like, well, things aren’t that sexy, and we just need to kind of get it going. In this case, it’s like, nothing’s happening, like, and a partner may have flat out said they’re not interested anymore. And so then the question is, how do you deal with that?

Céline Remy 1:27
Whoo, that’s a really good one. And by the way, it happens to a lot of people not only just married couples, but I’ve also heard of people who are in boyfriend girlfriend relationship to where they’re like this is this is happening. So we can give you a lot of different solutions and ideas.

Céline Remy 1:47
And remember that each case is unique. You are all very unique individuals and having maybe some one on one support, which we’ll talk about can really help But before we dive into our reasons why maybe he or she doesn’t want to have sex with you, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor’s power and mastery.

Céline Remy 2:12
So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men, whether you want to have harder erections last longer, or simply increase your sexual skills. So go to power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 2:33
The first thing that I want to say when it comes to what to do when your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you, is you’ve got to step out of the reaction. And you need to seek to understand what’s going on.

Céline Remy 2:50
And that’s a very difficult thing to do. It’s probably is the most challenging one for most people, because, for most people, they’re stuck in it Thinking that there must be something wrong with them, that maybe they’re not enough or that really like something that it is about.

Kevin Anthony 3:08
Yeah, that’s the big problem is people take it personally, right. And I think it’s all about them like their partner doesn’t want to have sex with them that it must be something wrong with them. That’s often where people go first. And that is absolutely not necessarily the case.

Kevin Anthony 3:23
So it can be the case. Sometimes that’s the case, but oftentimes actually has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what is going on at for the other person, which we’ll talk about.

Céline Remy 3:36
So when we looking at this situation, is this something new? Or is this something that’s kind of normal that you’ve always struggled within your relationship? Because then it’s going to help to understand things and maybe will to shift things better if that’s something that just started versus something has been like lifelong?

Kevin Anthony 3:58
Yeah, I think this is a really important Question to understand, right? Because the where you are now will have a lot to do with where you were before. Right? And so the reason why I think it’s so important is that if you had a great sex life and you’re having sex frequently, and then all of a sudden, boom, you’re just not anymore, then that’s a big change and big difference.

Kevin Anthony 4:24
So how you approach that might be different than let’s say, maybe on average, you only had sex once a month, you know, for years. And now it’s kind of gotten to once every other month. Now granted two months sounds like a huge change, but really, all he did was skip one session. Right? So what’s happening there might be very different.

Kevin Anthony 4:44
The approaches that you take, as far as how do you solve this problem will be different potentially, based on you know, how big of a difference is it so I think that’s maybe one of the first questions to ask like, wow, is this a sudden thing that just changed? Or is this sort of like a subtle progression that’s happened over time? Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 5:05
It’s much easier if it’s something that’s new as we’re going to give some of our reasons because it’s most likely something happening in their life and having to do with their bodies or some physical issue. So well, if it’s something that’s been kind of gradually, it’s probably a combination, either off or like poor habits, and maybe also some physical things that could be going on.

Céline Remy 5:28
I want to really bring out something that doesn’t compare yourself to other people. what feels good for you what is like, like your idea of sex, and then you know, if you’re somebody who’s like, you know, I just want to have sex twice a month and that feels good. What you need is to find a partner who’s just as happy as you are with twice a month.

Céline Remy 5:53
The biggest problem that I see is that people have very different libido and sex drive and then they try To fit into each other’s lives. But you know, from the start, do you both have about the same sex drive? Or is there a big gap? Because that’s going to make a big difference?

Kevin Anthony 6:11
Yeah, especially if you’ve just kind of passed that honeymoon phase. And then you notice a shift. One of the things that that shows is once those chemicals wear off, people tend to sink back into their default mode. And so you can really see those differences there.

Kevin Anthony 6:28
In the beginning, it was all like hot and heavy, like yeah, okay, you know, let’s do it. And then the honeymoon period is over, and then one person’s back to, you know, twice a month. The other person is like, wait, wait a minute, I want to stick with the every day that we were doing.

Céline Remy 6:43
And let’s understand too, that through lives, things will change. And so it’s okay. Sometimes maybe when you just had kids or like somebody had surgery or half the issue that things might be paused for a little while. That’s a great segue into our list. We have 10 reasons why somebody doesn’t want you to know, your partner doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Céline Remy 7:07
The number one, and it’s probably number one for most people, this is why we put it as number one is stress. And what happens when you so stressed is that you’re not creating sex hormones, you’re creating stress hormones, and it’s the biggest libido, killers stress, big time.

Céline Remy 7:28
Everybody has different levels of what high levels of stress feel like or what can give them a lot of stress.

Céline Remy 7:35
So being understanding that for somebody having a stressful job could be enough, while for others, it’s having to deal with a pandemic or its children like whatever that is. We all have different levels.

Kevin Anthony 7:49
And there are so so many things in this world that stress us, especially in 2020 it’s been very stressful For people, so, yes, just absolutely one of the number one things that kill people’s libido.

Céline Remy 8:06
So addressing that will be really big. Reason number two has to do an especially more talking about men if there is too much drinking, a lot of drinking can lower testosterone, which is like reasons to and reason free here that we’re giving you together in the sensor.

Céline Remy 8:25
So the drinking can affect his ability to produce the testosterone that he needs to feel to have a good sex drive. So too much drinking can be a reason.

Kevin Anthony 8:39
Yeah, and I mean, too much drinking is bad for tons of reasons. It’s not the focus of the show to go into all the other things that it does to you when your relationship but one of the most destructive things about it in a relationship is that you’re drinking a lot. So therefore you’re depleting your testosterone.

Kevin Anthony 8:59
You’re not having sex, you’re not feeling connected. The more you feel disconnected, the more you want to drink. And then the more you drink, the more you feel disconnected. It’s just this awful downward spiral.

Céline Remy 9:13
Mm-hmm. And you know, one glass of wine is fine if you have to always drink to get in the mood and relaxed, then it’d be better to work on reducing your stress level through other means rather than depending on alcohol. Reason number three is tied to lower testosterone to too much drinking but also it could be through bad habits so low testosterone in men will create low sex drive.

Kevin Anthony 9:43
Yeah, and those are there’s a ton of things like stress going to deplete your testosterone too much drinking gonna deplete your desktops, their own unhealthy habits, the way you eat, lack of exercise, lack of sunlight, like all of these things, all these sorts of poor health habits massively affect your testosterone levels and, you know, we say this a lot on the show like we keep talking about it all the time.

Kevin Anthony 10:06
And I hope two things one, I hope you’re not getting bored of it, and two, I hope it’s starting to sink in. But nothing is separate, right? your physical body is not separate from your sex life. You know, even if you’re just having astral sex, it’s still not. It’s still not separate, right?

Kevin Anthony 10:26
So everything that you do in life as far as you know, what you do for a job and how much stress you’re under, and how much you exercise and what you eat, all of those things contribute to having either a good sex life or bad sex life.

Céline Remy 10:39
Mm-hmm. And then we talk about testosterone and low sex drive and for women to hormonally things can change and shift and will shift. So having hormonal imbalance is another reason. And one thing that is really important to understand and you’ve heard it by now is you don’t have to be in the middle.

Céline Remy 11:00
As you can create the mood, and once you know that your hormones are a little bit out of whack, it’s okay to understand that it’s not you. It’s something that your body is going through, physically, physiologically, but you can still commit to connecting with your beloved independently of how crazy or out of balance you feel hormonally. Or, number four, boredom could be a reason.

Céline Remy 11:28
And boredom doesn’t have to just be in the bedroom. But it could be because maybe you guys on the have sex on a certain day in certain positions, have the routine free positions and that’s done. But maybe your life is on cruise control, maybe you just bored out of your mind going through life and have no drives drive left for your sex life

Kevin Anthony 11:50
care. Once again, it’s all connected, right? So if you’re bored in life in general, then you’re probably going to be bored in your sex life and you know, on the other side, That if you have a really like fun, sexy, exciting, adventurous sex life, the rest of your life is probably like that do

Céline Remy 12:12
totally. Number five, our sex issues. And this is definitely one of those like tender subjects and that’s definitely not your fault. It’s something happening with them. And it can show up with him with having impotence, or not lasting long enough so feeling inadequate with his ability to please his woman.

Céline Remy 12:33
It could show up for her with pain, discomfort, irritation, vaginal yeast infections, like issues too. So things that are showing up in the physical where the sex organs aren’t working the same way they usually do, and they could be some shame, embarrassment, and pain.

Kevin Anthony 12:57
Yeah, that’s a big one. And you know, when we’re getting into what to do about it, we’ll kind of cover that a lot more. Because, you know, at the beginning of the show, we said hey, a lot of times, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you. It has to do with what is happening for your partner and this is one of those cases where there can be something going on and you know.

Kevin Anthony 13:16
It’s not always easy to admit that like, Hey, you can’t get a boner or Hey, your vagina is not working the way it’s supposed to. Like that’s not always an easy thing even to say to your partner that you’ve been with for many years and so

Céline Remy 13:30
yeah, and admit it to yourself or you might be really judging yourself that something so wrong with you, you know, and blah, blah blah, and you know, sometimes little tweaks will make a big difference and if you are in a relationship, but then your team and stop black, hurting yourself and in judging yourself off and be in your own as a corner on your own like bringing up together and deal with this as a team.

Céline Remy 13:59
Absolutely. Number six is porn consumption. And that’s a big one. We’ve done a couple shows around porn whether or not porn is hurting or helping your relationship and, and another one that I can’t remember off the top of my head, but we’ve covered that already in the past. And again, it’s not what you do, it’s how you do it. And some people will prefer watching porn rather than having physical sex with a real person.

Kevin Anthony 14:31
Yeah, so we did do an entire episode on this. And so go back and look for the I think was his porn hurting your relationship or something like that? And I know that you’re right, we did another episode where we talked somewhat about it too. So I won’t go too deep into it. But here if you haven’t heard those episodes before, really what we’re talking about here is when people use porn, sort of too much so to speak.

Kevin Anthony 14:56
They start to create a lot of fantasy in their head and they start to desensitize. So they’re looking at all of these young, beautiful people with usually fit bodies and exaggeratedly large genitals. Right? And that starts to become what they’re attracted to. And then they go back to their partner and their partner’s got hair and places where the porn stars didn’t have hair.

Kevin Anthony 15:21
And they’ve got a little fat in places where the porn stars don’t have fat, right? It’s just like, it’s not the same thing anymore. Right? And so they’re like, they look over at their partner, like, and then they look at porn and go ha, you know, right. Then, of course, there’s, there’s what’s going on in porn, right?

Kevin Anthony 15:40
So it’s like, oh, it’s a gangbang. Oh, it’s a threesome. Oh, it’s a squirting or it’s this or that. And then you look at your partner and you go, Well, she doesn’t want to have sex with anybody else. And so there’s no gang bang, there’s no threesome.

Kevin Anthony 15:53
She doesn’t know how to score. It’s got a little fat over here, there, right? So you can see where you can start to build a disconnect between the reality of life and the fantasy of porn and that’s one of the really big problems with it.

Céline Remy 16:09
The title of the episode is his porn addiction real and so we really covered there. I really listened to that. But really the root of that if you watch a lot of porn is because you seeking connection, and there’s a lack of connection in your life, either with yourself or with your partner. That’s the root of addictions.

Kevin Anthony 16:30
Yeah, and, you know, we’ll just leave it here for today with the fact that we’re not against porn. So if you’re listening to this, we’re not like, it’s evil. Yeah, don’t know. It’s just it’s got to be used appropriately. And unfortunately, with a lot of people we work with, we see it being used inappropriately.

Céline Remy 16:47
Yeah. So number seven in it kind of ties in with the disconnect is about not having emotional intimacy. And you know that sex is so much more than the physical part of it. There. An energy component, there’s an emotional component. And for a lot of men, it’s very important to have an emotional connection just as much as it is for the woman. And sometimes we overlook this aspect of the relationship.

Céline Remy 17:13
But, you know, just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean you have emotional intimacy. And while you can make it work at the beginning, then after a while, is like, the excitement of the beginning of fizzle, and then you’ll have nothing left. And if you didn’t build the emotional intimacy, it will be much harder to keep the sexuality going.

Kevin Anthony 17:35
Yeah, you know, and people often assume that it’s the woman that needs emotional intimacy. Yeah, but that’s not always the case. Like I can tell you in, in my own case, that the older I get, the more I need that so yeah, when I was in my 20s, I just wanted to talk and it was like, okay, maybe she’s not that intuitive.

Kevin Anthony 17:54
We’re not really connecting on that level, but at least we’re having sex. It’s all good, you know, but now that I’m older, if I’m making love, and we don’t have that connection, that intimacy and she’s not into it, I don’t even want to do it. I’m like, I can go masturbate then, you know, I mean, if I fall I really want to do is get off.

Kevin Anthony 18:14
The reason I’m actually here making love with my woman is that I want more than just some good sensations and I graduated, right? You know, I want that physical connection, that intimacy that’s, you know, energy that we create together.

Céline Remy 18:33
Number eight is the loss of attraction. And that is a tricky one. So you know, you have to be honest with yourself, have you let yourself go while you’ve been with your partner? Do you have extra weight? The question is when you look at yourself in the mirror, do you find yourself hot, sexy, and want to bang yourself? If not, then it’s crazy to think that somebody else should be able to feel what you can’t even feel for yourself that’s right

Kevin Anthony 19:01
you should look in the mirror-like fat bastard from Austin Powers looks in the mirror he goes “I am dead sexy.”

Kevin Anthony 19:13
but think about it right there’s somebody that is absolutely Nottage in the whole character is supposed to be as repulsive as possible. And yeah, he looks in the mirror and thinks he looks sexy.

Céline Remy 19:22
Exactly. So if you can love yourself even with some extra pounds or cellulite or hair or whatever, then it’s really about how you feel about yourself. And then, of course, there are some things where people could change a lot. But ultimately, this could stem a lot from how you feel about yourself. So self love first, but it could still be a cause.

Céline Remy 19:44
Number nine is about not having enough sleep and believe it or not sleep is kind of when you get to replenish regenerate, and if you don’t have enough time to have deep high-quality sleep, your hormones will be also out of balance and it will affect everything. thing else and you won’t have the energy to feel sexual to feel a desire to be turned on to want to have sex, you’ll just want to sleep, right?

Céline Remy 20:09
And number 10 is that you guys have hurt each other too many times. That really comes down to communication issues are right. And you might be spending your time non-resentments and being so hard that it’s impossible to get over the hurdles to feel the love and to feel the attraction again.

Kevin Anthony 20:28
Yeah, and maybe at that moment, it feels impossible, but just know it’s not impossible long term. And when we get to the what to dues, which we will in just a minute, we’ll talk more about that because at that point, if you’re at that place, you have to kind of start over and rebuild the intimacy before you can really get back to the SEC staff and we’ll cover that more in just a minute.

Céline Remy 20:51
I love this given so we’re gonna jump into what to do but before that, we want to invite you into our coaching program. So if you’re a committed couple who is stuck in a rut going through the daily motion instead of connecting the way you used to, or maybe one of you is not attracted to the other and you struggling with your sex life or have mechanical sex and you want to have fun again and spontaneity and you want to,

Céline Remy 21:16
Because you don’t want to be stuck having a life of average, then we’d like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple Platinum program. So if you give Kevin and me 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. So go to Celine remy.com forward slash passion to learn more about our highly sex Platinum program.

Kevin Anthony 21:41
Yes, you will be glad you did. Okay, so we talked about a whole bunch of the reasons why then the question becomes Okay, I’ll now we know why the fuck do we do about it? Gotcha, Kevin, we’ve got you covered.

Céline Remy 21:58
So one of the aspects that you brought earlier was about kind of going back to the beginning, right? So number one, you want to find out what is beneath the need for you to have. And and and for them to not want to have sex, right? Maybe there’s another need that they need to have met First,

Kevin Anthony 22:20
let me just say there almost always is. Yeah, I would say 9.5 times out of 10. There is a need beneath this. I don’t want to have sex or I do want to have sex.

Céline Remy 22:34
So something that was interesting, we had this conversation this morning, and it’s not exactly related to the sex which is related to the need. So this weekend, I put on a new outfit, and I was trying out a new style for me of clothing, like something I’m expecting to expect expanding into. And so I’m putting this on and then I’m going to Kevin and rather than just saying hey, how do I look?

Céline Remy 22:58
Or am I beautiful, like having some appreciation? And yes, I did say that, hey, how do I look? And I continue this with because I really need some reassurance. I’m trying out a new style, and I want to make sure that I’m still sexy.

Kevin Anthony 23:11
Yeah, I love this because so what I was saying to you this morning when we were talking about it is most men, especially if they’ve been in a relationship for a long time, they start to get kind of frustrated with their woman constantly asking them like, How do I look? How do I look? How do I look? Does this look good? Does my butt look big? How do I look? How do I look right? This over and over and over again.

Kevin Anthony 23:34
And each time guys like you look great, you look great. And these guys, we’re like we hate saying the same thing over and over again. But what I loved that you did was you explained why you were asking that question and you made it clear what the underlying need was. Right?

Kevin Anthony 23:51
So what you said was, Hey, this is a style that I don’t feel that comfortable with yet. It’s something new. It’s something I’m trying I don’t know. If I look good. Like I think I do, but do you think I look good? Right? So you explained that to me that you and you literally said, I just need a little reassurance.

Kevin Anthony 24:08
And that was amazing. So now guys, when you hear that, don’t you want to go? Oh, okay. Yeah, you look amazing. I actually really like this style on you.

Céline Remy 24:19
And so that’s the same when it comes to sex, like, do they feel loved? Do you know? Or are their physical problems going on? Or are they distracted by life? Like what’s underneath, really? And so once you, you’re able to separate the Oh, he or she doesn’t want to have sex with me to like, Hey, what’s the drive? What’s the need of what’s the underlying cause of what’s happening? Then you can move past

Kevin Anthony 24:49
right? And if you go back to the reasons why that we gave you many of those are underlying needs. They’re stressed out. Mm-hmm. Right. So maybe what you really need to get to is not Oh, I don’t want to have sex, maybe what you need to dig down into is like, How are you feeling? Right? Sometimes that could be physically too, right?

Kevin Anthony 25:08
We talked about physical issues, maybe what’s really going on is there’s something happening with the genitals or the body that is making them not want it. And if you don’t ask these questions, if you don’t get past the will find, you don’t want to have sex with me fine, right? And get all pissed off and mad and walk away or whatever, build up resentment.

Kevin Anthony 25:27
You could actually instead start to ask some questions. And that’s one of the things on our list too, which we’ll get to next. I guess we might as well just go right into it. Right. Number two on the list is to communicate openly about what’s going on. And so asking questions, okay, I hear that you don’t want to have sex today.

Kevin Anthony 25:46
Is there something I can help you with? How are you feeling? Is everything okay? Is there something that we can do to make you feel better, you know,

Céline Remy 25:56
remember we started the show with seeking to understand That’s probably one of the hardest thing to do. Because we mostly want to go into a fix it, especially if it’s not comfortable. I mean, let’s face it, nobody feels super comfortable in a situation when one person is refusing to be intimate.

Céline Remy 26:13
However, being willing to sit in this uncomfortable place in this discomfort and to seek to understand, like really don’t take it any person, like don’t take it personally, but simply understand the other person’s perspective can go a long way.

Kevin Anthony 26:31
Yeah, we cannot stress enough how important the communication pieces. I mean, I’m not sure there’s a single show we do that communication doesn’t come up in some way or form.

Kevin Anthony 26:43
But in this one, it’s really important because you really need to understand what is actually happening in the dynamic so that you don’t go off the rails building up resentment getting angry at your partner and

Céline Remy 26:56
then you to her to have sex. Yeah. Number three, you want to adjust your lifestyles to bring the sexy back. And this is huge because that means you taking responsibility. So if it’s the job to find ways to make the job less stressful or to chance job cut down the hours, if it’s the kids, hire a babysitter, get some time off, go on a mini-vacation. If it’s like whatever it is that’s stressing you change, things make changes.

Kevin Anthony 27:24
This one right here. This is a constant state of arousal, right? Everything we talked about in the last show and in multiple shows about how to bring that sexy back. This is it right here, right? This is where you have to make adjustments to the way you operate on a day to day basis to spark that passion and that desire again. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 27:47
Number four, seek help from a professional like us like remember our highly sex Platinum program, it’s for you couples just like that. But you know, it’s a tricky situation. Once If you are hurt, once you are in pain, it’s difficult to have enough energy and empathy towards the other, and bringing in a neutral third person or another couple to help you look at the situation from a different perspective is priceless.

Kevin Anthony 28:18
Yeah, exactly. And really, we can help you get to that core, that root of what’s going on. We can help you work through that we can help you with positive communication techniques. Yes, very important. Yes, we can give you all kinds of ideas

Céline Remy 28:36
and sexy rituals so that all the sudden, there’s passion back between sheets,

Kevin Anthony 28:42
there’s, you know, it’s like anything that you want to learn, right if you want to learn how to do woodworking, and you’re like, Okay, well I can buy a bunch of wood and cut it up into pieces and screw and glue it and maybe it looks okay, maybe it doesn’t.

Kevin Anthony 28:57
Maybe it takes you three months to make the table. Or you could seek out help from somebody that knows how to do it. And you could do it in a weekend.

Céline Remy 29:05
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So yeah, it’s up to you to take the highway or the back roads where you get lost. Mm-hmm. You know, and never know what you find and can have a flat tire

Kevin Anthony 29:18
and maybe never come back. That’s true. Or you don’t want that

Céline Remy 29:21
no. Number five, come up with alternatives. And this is something that many people don’t think about that is worth mentioning. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you have to be in a monogamous marriage. Maybe someone of you really does not want to have sex anymore, has whatever whether it’s a physical issue, health issue became sexual, like whatever it is.

Céline Remy 29:46
It’s crazy to expect your partner to be on the same wavelength. And it’s crazy to expect just because you’re married that one of you also has to give up sex for the rest of your life. So alternatives could be to open up the relationship alternate could be, there are so many ways

Kevin Anthony 30:05
different ways to have sex. Right? So it could be different ways to have sex it could be a different style of the relationship like you said, where maybe you have an open relationship or maybe you don’t have an open relationship maybe it’s just like you’re allowed to go, you know, get massages with happy endings, or maybe you know, there’s all there are so many different things that you could possibly do to help somebody meet their needs.

Kevin Anthony 30:32
Now, of course, opening up your relationship or doing anything like that is tricky. We did another whole episode on how to do that. So if that is something that would work for you, please go listen to that episode before you just go hey, you know what Kevin said? He said we should just open up and whoever we want, you know,

Céline Remy 30:54
yeah, cuz he opened up an app up to your relationship if it’s not good, so this is why also you have to find To be good with where you are before you can open up anyway, we’re coming towards the end of the show, and we have a few more things we want to share with you.

Céline Remy 31:06
And number six, you want to be intimate in other ways. And that’s very important because a lot of people, they will only touch when they’re in the bedroom one way or they’re about to have sex. That’s kind of if I grab her this way, that him this way, it’s the signal.

Céline Remy 31:22
And then if you don’t have that, then you remove the touch altogether, but keeping up with the intimacy and the touch and the loving and the kisses will go a long way to keep that constant state of arousal and energy moving between the two of you.

Kevin Anthony 31:36
Yeah, and so one is helping that constant state of arousal. And the other thing is like I mentioned earlier in the show, this idea that if you’ve gotten to that place, right, that real sort of bad place, there are all sorts of resentment and everything. It’s like, you sort of has to start over again. And the best way to do that is to go back to the beginning and reestablish the intimacy and the connection again

Céline Remy 31:59
and be curious about each other,

Kevin Anthony 32:01
start building back up towards the sex. And, you know, this is actually something we hear about a lot. It’s like, you know, you have a couple, and they haven’t had sex in like, three years, you know, and then they come and work with us and they’re like, Okay, so how can we start having sex again?

Céline Remy 32:17
Like tomorrow,

Kevin Anthony 32:18
like tomorrow is a little bit of a stereotype. But often the guy’s like, yeah, yeah. Can you show me how we can start having sex again tomorrow? Mm-hmm. Or maybe like today when we go home from the session, you know? And it’s like, okay, I mean, while that is possible, we won’t rule that out.

Kevin Anthony 32:35
Really, what you have to do is kind of go back to the beginning and start to reconnect and re-establish intimacy which means learning how to be intimate in ways other than just a penis in a vagina. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 32:49
So we’re going to give you a game here as our option seven. And it’s something that you guys can decide and especially if you have it on your date night because you know now that you need Do you have a date night because you’ve been listening to the love lab for a long time?

Céline Remy 33:03
And it’s a game where you get to ask anything you want and the other cats say no, you can only answer with a yes. Now the yes let’s say the person is like okay let’s have intercourse he can say no I don’t want to say oh, that’s a great idea but here’s what I’m a yes to stroking your penis, yes to this. So you can only basically have this game by saying things that yes is too.

Céline Remy 33:33
So you have to you can just leave it at no to sex. It always has to end on a positive thing of a yes that you’re willing to have. Even if it’s just a hog, you know, and then make another request. See how it’s being met and kind of find a way to negotiate in finding yeses. Oh, that’s kind of sexy, right?

Kevin Anthony 33:51
Yeah. doesn’t like yes.

Céline Remy 33:54
And this game is fun. So really try that one and then we have a last but not least And we left it as the last option here,

Kevin Anthony 34:03
like last option like the option of last resort, which really is, if you’ve tried everything you really have done everything, all the things that we’ve talked about, and maybe some that we didn’t think of and put on the list.

Kevin Anthony 34:18
And it’s really just not meeting the needs for either of you, then you should be prepared or willing to walk away because maybe this really just isn’t the right relationship for either of you.

Céline Remy 34:29
Yeah, and you know what life is too short, you got to enjoy it just staying in a relationship because of the commitment you’ve made or because of the kids or whatever because and shoulds is not in good enough of a reason Because ultimately, it does not nourish you on a deep level, heart level soul level. I think it’s not alive fully left.

Céline Remy 34:55
And so it’s important to give it your all because honestly, the problem will show up To save in another relationship if it’s something that has to do with your dynamic wherever you are there you have wherever you go there you are, right? However, if you’ve done your best and it’s not working, be unwilling to say yes to yourself, be willing to claim your birthright of pleasure.

Kevin Anthony 35:18
Yeah. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. We hope this helps and we hope that you experienced some more connected loving and intimate sex as a result of listening to the show. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 35:39
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 35:47
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 36:01
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 36:02
and remember, you’re amazing