When Sex Gets Boring Do This

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts Kevin Anthony, and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 113. And it is titled when sex gets boring. Do this. Do what we were going to tell you. I would say first where something like Celine is wearing today.

Céline Remy 0:47
Well for our listener, maybe you should describe what’s going on if they don’t have the video right there.

Kevin Anthony 0:52
Okay, so we’re recording this during a major heatwave. And so Celine is wearing a much more revealing, sort of bra top thing going on that is very Lacy shows lots of cleavage and is very sexy.

Céline Remy 1:08
Thank you, Kevin. I’m glad it’s you approve of it. We do have a see. But you know, I still think it’s nice to play the part right.

Kevin Anthony 1:18
Alright, so let’s get back to our topic here when sex gets boring do. So something that a lot of couples that have been together for a long time experience is that after that honeymoon phase is over. They kind of feel like the sex gets kind of boring. It’s a common thing we hear again and again and again from people.

Kevin Anthony 1:39
So the question then becomes, okay, why does it get boring? Mm-hmm. How can we tell like, how do we really know it’s boring? I mean, I know that sounds somewhat a silly question to ask. But, but the thing is, is it may not be boring for you, it may be boring for your partner.

Kevin Anthony 1:56
So how can you tell if your partner thinks it’s boring And then what do you do about it? How do you spice it back up again? How do you make it fun and sexy again, so we are going to cover all of that, and more, as long as I can stop staring into these boobs?

Céline Remy 2:15
Before we dive into our first reasons why sex gets boring, and let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 2:34
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Kevin Anthony 2:52
Alright, so we’re gonna start with the reasons why sex gets boring and First, why don’t you tell them what number one is. And then I want to talk about the study

Céline Remy 3:04
found. It’s pretty, we’re going to be pretty blunt, you just don’t try. And this is a place that many people find themselves in where they kind of either have decided that it is a normal thing for our relationship to become stale or sex to get boring, or that life is just too busy. So whatever, and they just don’t try.

Kevin Anthony 3:27
Okay, so that was the thing that we put on the list. You know, of course, we always research these episodes, but generally, we have put down our own ideas, and then we fill in with research and things that we find. And so for us, we were like, yeah, a lot of people just don’t try. But then I found this interesting article, it was on a website called leaf.tv, which I’ve never heard of before, but they linked to the original study, which was published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Kevin Anthony 3:56
And here’s what the studies sound. They’re found Researchers found that couples who believed that a healthy sexual relationship takes work, instead of being something that naturally happens in a compatible relationship have better and more sex than their ideological counterparts.

Kevin Anthony 4:16
So during the study, the researchers surveyed 1900 people about their beliefs on what makes for a satisfying sex life. Interestingly enough, when people believe that having a great sex life actively required practice and work, the happier they as well as their partners were in their sex lives. perhaps less surprising. They were also happier with their relationships overall.

Kevin Anthony 4:40
On the other hand, those who believed that their sex life should naturally stay sizzling just because you’re sharing a bed with the person you love proved far more likely to feel unsatisfied in their sex lives. And so something else interesting that the article happened to say, as they were quoting one of the authors of the study, and what the author said was:

Kevin Anthony 5:08
“Your sex life is like a garden, and it needs to be watered and nurtured to maintain it.”

Céline Remy 5:14
Mm-hmm. I always say that that. I don’t say it’s a gardener, and it’s a plant. So I think that’s a very good analogy.

Kevin Anthony 5:24
For some people. It’s a whole garden. For others. It’s just one plant.

Céline Remy 5:29
I like the garden analogy, but it’s true. Well, you know, while I don’t think that relationships take work, I just don’t associate the work word with the relationship. Yeah, but I do. I think they need attention. Now do you associate attention and work or like, put them like in the same category?

Céline Remy 5:51
I don’t, I love giving attention to my husband. I love putting energy into our relationship, and I work on my business. And that’s kind of like how things are different. I approach it with such a different energy than getting my work done.

Kevin Anthony 6:05
Yeah. So I mean, that all really just depends on how you define the word work. I think, you know, most people understand that what it means is it requires effort. Mm-hmm. Right? You have to give it effort, you have to give it attention, you have to give it time, you have to actively do something, rather than just sit back and go, Oh, it’s all supposed to just be great. Mm-hmm. Right.

Céline Remy 6:26
So that’s such a good perspective to have to know that it just doesn’t happen by accident. And it’s a sad, you know, everything we do in life is all because we repeat behaviors and patterns. So if you said good behaviors into place, then it’s much easier to have a more exciting sex life than if you do not set those in place. Ultimately, I also think that it’s about doing your part.

Céline Remy 6:54
And there’s kind of this misconception that everything and we’ve already talked about that in several episodes, but I think it’s so And I want to reiterate that point that some people think that relationships are kind of like tips for tasks, I do 50% you do 50% this is how it goes, everything has to be equal, per se. And I, and I don’t think it’s the road to happiness.

Céline Remy 7:15
There is something like one of the biggest secrets is to give more than you take, but that both partner do that so that it feels like it’s really overflowing. And it doesn’t have to always be equal, per se. What was the word we use? Kevin, do you remember?

Kevin Anthony 7:32
Oh, yeah, we had a thing it was. I think it was like a corner. Now equitable, not equal.

Céline Remy 7:39
There you go. Thank you my love for remembering that. So when you both feel like you’re putting in the same amount of energy, even if it’s not the exact same thing, but that you’re both putting effort into the energy and that’s really what makes a difference.

Kevin Anthony 7:54
Absolutely. So we’ve actually got quite a few other things on the list here. We’re going to just kind of Jump down to the next one. So the

Céline Remy 8:02
The second reason why sex gets boring is that you don’t learn new techniques or try new things. And you keep doing the same thing that all the time. And some people might say, well, what’s wrong with doing what works? Absolutely nothing. However, it is good sometimes to switch things up. So you might still be doing the same thing. Just do it in the closet rather than in bed.

Kevin Anthony 8:23
Well, yeah. And you know, if it was working, sex wouldn’t be boring, right? I mean, that’s the reality of it is, yeah, maybe it works to give you an orgasm. Mm-hmm. But does it work to really make you crave sex to make you really want it more often? Like, is that spark there? I’m guessing if you’re experiencing boredom, then that’s not the case. So

Céline Remy 8:47
always stick to your tried and true and things that feel comfortable and add a little zing whenever you can, because it feels good to have that little extra.

Kevin Anthony 8:55
Yeah. Okay, so the next one is you only focus on the physical. So we’ve talked about this. So so many times, it’s like such a huge core of the work that we do. But sex is so much more than just push this button stroke this thing like this over here, right? Like, yeah, that’s some of the physical motion of it.

Kevin Anthony 9:16
But there’s so much more to sex. There’s so much more, you know, communication and emotion, and all these things that really make sex amazing. And so one of the things that can happen is that when people don’t do all those other things, all they do is just focused on a penis goes into the vagina, you go in and out, it makes some friction, and that’s it, then it can get boring, but when you’re sitting down all that other stuff in

Céline Remy 9:41
it doesn’t. Yes. So understanding that there is more to sex than just the physicality that sexual energy is a real thing and you can feel it and cultivate it. And if you tune into that other part, it will get better. Number four, well, maybe he was sex wasn’t that good, to begin with.

Céline Remy 10:00
With, let’s be honest, baby just got into a relationship because you felt like you were tired of dating. And it was just convenient. It was good enough and Well, whatever. It’s better than being lonely.

Kevin Anthony 10:12
Yeah, you know, I found this fun researching when I was like, I want to see what other people think, you know, put some of our ideas down. And as soon as I read it, I want of course, why didn’t I think of that? Right? We assume that it was always good. Yes. But maybe it was.

Kevin Anthony 10:27
Right, exactly. And the thing is, is when you’re in that honeymoon period, right, and you’ve got all this other attraction and stuff. Maybe that makes it seem like the sex itself is good. But once that’s that sort of those chemicals fade, you realize the sex actually wasn’t all that good, to begin with.

Kevin Anthony 10:46
Yeah, that’s a very interesting one to be it and I think you know, about people to remember that sex is a learned skill, and it’s okay if you’re not that good at it. Just put in the hours there and you’ll get much better Everything in this life is a learned skill.

Céline Remy 11:03
Absolutely. Another reason could be that there is not enough spontaneity. It’s interesting because you’re the one who put this one down. And I wasn’t sure whether or not I fully agreed with it.

Céline Remy 11:14
Because I do also see being the spontaneity being a trap that many people go and say like, well, if it’s not spontaneous, I don’t want to do it. And then they’re like, but they don’t do it because there’s no spontaneity, and then they stuck into not having sex.

Kevin Anthony 11:31
Okay, so there’s a fine line on this one. Because, well, because we say all the time schedule a date night doesn’t matter. You know, make sure that it gets on the schedule, because life is too busy, and it’s not gonna happen most likely if you don’t do that. So we are constantly warning people not to fall into the trap of spontaneity.

Kevin Anthony 11:51
However, when I put this on the list, I wasn’t suggesting that it should always be spontaneous, right? Because that’s how you fall into the trap. But the idea was that, yes, it’s great to get it on the schedule and make sure that it’s gonna happen. And you should also occasionally have some spontaneity to keep things going. Yes.

Céline Remy 12:12
Yeah, I have something I need to add Kevin. Yes, yeah, talking about on Friday afternoon while we both trying to get our work done. So we could be during the weekend, and all of a sudden I’m feeling this deep desire and like, turn on and excitement and arousal and I just want to suck your cock.

Céline Remy 12:30
So I text you because we both working in different parts of the house. And I’m like, Hey, is there a cock available for good cocksucking? Here? Yes. spontaneity, exactly.

Kevin Anthony 12:41
That kind of stuff, right? Because knowing that it’s possible for those things to happen, actually contributes to what we know we talked about all the time, which is a constant state of arousal, which we’ll talk about more later in the show. So yes, you might

Céline Remy 12:56
be wondering what happened. Let me tell you very quickly, the story So I sent out this text to Kevin, nothing, then I’m like, Hello, really? And then is like,

Kevin Anthony 13:09
oh, let me finish my work. Okay, hold on, hold on, hold on. Okay, so first of all, I was working on something really technical, that required like a lot of focus. So I saw the phone light up, but it didn’t really look at it at first. Then I did eventually glance at it.  I was like, oh, man, I was not sure if you were serious.

Kevin Anthony 13:34
Or if you were just joking. And then I was like, Okay, I’m like, really deep in this technical issue. I’m like, I could finish this in 10 minutes. And if I finish this, it was already close to the end of the day. Anyway, I was like, then I can definitely give all my attention over there. So I said, I said, Give me 10 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 13:52
And you were like, Really? So then I was like, Okay, I can finish this later. I put it down. I went in. You gave me a fantastic blow job.

Céline Remy 14:02
And then we went back to work. Yes, I was like, we need to teach what we preach which is like when it’s the mood and she calls for it, you better act on it cuz you know, 10 minutes later and might not be happening. That’s very

Kevin Anthony 14:13
true That is very true.

Céline Remy 14:14
Okay, let’s keep moving on because we still have so much more we want to share with you. Maybe sex gets boring because you don’t ask for what you want. This is huge. So if you’re not getting the sex you want and like then why would you want it right?

Céline Remy 14:28
Or maybe it is a reflection of your relationship. You too are in a place where you are just cruising and not really experiencing a lot of juiciness and passion in many other areas.

Kevin Anthony 14:48
You know what I liked about this one was nothing is ever separate or isolated. Right? So you can’t isolate your sex life from the relationship. It’s out there, they’re part of the same thing. They’re all intertwined. And so it just made so much sense that like, if you’re having a boring sex life, what does the rest of your life look like?

Céline Remy 15:10
Hmm.

Kevin Anthony 15:10
Right, and maybe by sparking the rest of your life, you might also spark your sex life and vice versa, right? spark up your sex life and the rest of your life is going to get a little bit more exciting, too. So it’s really interesting because if you’re sitting there going, Yeah, man, you know, my sex life is really pretty boring.

Kevin Anthony 15:30
Honestly, like, take an honest assessment of the rest of your life is the rest of your life boring to it maybe probably is.

Céline Remy 15:37
So there are a few more points we wanted to bring. Here are some reasons like you’re not making it a priority. And we’ll come back more into that when we talk about solutions, right? And you don’t focus on keeping this constant state of arousal I mean by now unless it’s the very first time you’re tuning into the love lab podcast, you have heard us mentioning the words constant state of arousal.

Céline Remy 16:00
Which is all about keeping the arousal, the energy off turned on alive between the two of you and not just weight from like the times in the bedroom. And there are some things that can get in the way which are more mentally like mental things like, maybe you worried about your performance.

Céline Remy 16:20
Maybe there are other issues or pain and discomfort that are coming up for you. And again, we’ll talk more about this in the solutions. And last but not least, you guys may have just become too comfortable, again, into the relationship, but it’s important to keep a part of the mystery.

Céline Remy 16:41
And it’s finding that balance between being really with somebody and having so much comfort and it’s like your best friend, but it’s still the one you want to fuck.

Kevin Anthony 16:51
Yeah, so this is another one of those that is kind of a fine line, right? Because you want to feel comfortable with and around your partner, but you don’t want to feel So comfortable that you’re perfectly fine like sitting on the couch and just ripping big farts and not, not being not acting in an attractive way whatsoever.

Kevin Anthony 17:11
So you have to feel comfortable. And like you said, you still want to maintain some of that spark that like,

Céline Remy 17:18
I think is the element of mystery. So, you know, closing the bathroom door goes a long way.

Kevin Anthony 17:26
All right, so, so those are, you know, when we create these lists, they’re never like, that’s all that there is. I’m sure you could come up with a whole bunch more reasons why sex potentially, you know, becomes boring, but that those are some of the big ones.

Kevin Anthony 17:40
Those are some of the ones we see a lot and some things that are religious good dimension. So next is what are the signs that sex has gotten boring, so people go well, obviously, I know when I’m bored or not okay, but do you know when your partner is bored or not?

Kevin Anthony 17:40
So here are some things that you can look for, to give you an idea as to whether or not you and or your partner are bored with your sex life?

Céline Remy 18:03
Well, I’d say like number one, you might tell each other is boring. If you are really upfront or not, but if you don’t, then is one of you avoiding sex, having a headache not being in the mood, too busy, you know, just avoiding it.

Kevin Anthony 18:24
I was picturing one person saying to another one, sex with you is boring. Let me just tell you, guys, if you’re feeling bored in your sex, don’t ever go to a woman and just say, you know, sex is fucking boring. Don’t do it. Absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 18:44
Do not do it. If that’s what you’re feeling, approach it from the point of view of like, Hey, you know, I was thinking there might be I came up with a couple of cool ideas to like, spice up our sex life and make it more fun.

Céline Remy 18:56
Well, own it, at least at the very least say I am bored. Right? saying your sex life is boring.

Kevin Anthony 19:01
Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Just I don’t do.

Céline Remy 19:04
Okay. Listen to Kevin, he usually has good advice,

Kevin Anthony 19:07
stay on the positive, right? Just say, Hey, I was thinking that maybe we could spice it up a little make it a little bit more fun. And I came up with these cool ideas, you know, trust me, trust me.

Céline Remy 19:18
it will go much smoother. All right. Okay, here’s another one that many people don’t think about. But if you don’t go to bed at the same time, that means you pass on a really important opportunity to connect at the end of the day to share a bonding moment a distressing time, and connection time with your partner.

Céline Remy 19:42
And if you’re constantly not going to bed together that can create quite a disharmony.

Kevin Anthony 19:49
Well, look, you know, let’s just be honest here. If you want to have sex, you have to create the conditions that will lead to sex. And if one person goes to bed early And then passes out and falls asleep.

Kevin Anthony 20:02
What do you think the chances are that by the time you make it there, he or she is suddenly going to wake up and be full of energy and be like, yeah, I’m ready to fuck. Like, yeah, it’s probably not gonna happen, right?

Céline Remy 20:18
It could, but it won’t for me for sure. I mean, do not wake me up. You are “wake me up anytime”. So I mean, unless you have good agreements with each other.

Kevin Anthony 20:26
Yeah, yeah. I’m pretty sure that I’m a little unusual in that respect. Because my rule is anytime, anywhere, just if I’m sound asleep, just wake me up. But I’m pretty sure that’s not the case for most people, especially most women. That’s true. So yeah, I would not suggest that course of action.

Céline Remy 20:45
So here are a few other things that could happen is you may always stick to the same position and always do it the same way. Whether it’s she he or both of you, you know, and it’s like, No, no, these are our three positions, or this is the order of things that can read be assigned to that it’s like, just want to stick to something that’s comfortable

Céline Remy 21:04
if the partner declines sex, and it’s a little different than avoiding sex in terms that you might just always have a good reason to, but it kind of leads to the same thing that there is no sex, you’re avoiding it.

Kevin Anthony 21:17
Yeah, there’s definitely a difference between avoiding and declining. So in avoiding, you’re just, you’re creating situations that don’t make it possible for the other person to proposition you. Whereas declining is like somebody’s communicating to you in some way that they want to have sex and you’re like, no.

Céline Remy 21:38
If you always rush for sex, one of them rushes through sex to just want to get it over with that’s a good sign. You’re not really into it.

Kevin Anthony 21:45
Yeah. So So when somebody goes, did you come yet?

Céline Remy 21:48
Ah ha. Not a good one. If you don’t want to be naked, you know, again, like it’s about like when you get naked to get access to everything. And so it’s like, let’s like keep close on and keep our distances because I don’t want to even go there.

Kevin Anthony 22:06
Yeah, I guess technically, that could kind of be put under the voidance techniques, but I thought maybe it deserved its own thing as a sign to look for.

Céline Remy 22:15
And here’s the big thing. Maybe another sign is you have a big elephant in the room. Nobody talks about sex. And you both know you’re not very happy about it.

Kevin Anthony 22:24
Yeah, you know, so I put this one on the list because I was thinking about you and me, right. And even like, this morning, in the kitchen, you were making sex jokes while you were making breakfast. And, and one of the things I said to you was, I love that you always make sex jokes.

Kevin Anthony 22:43
And I said, If at any point in the future, you stop making sex jokes, I might be a little concerned that something’s wrong. You know, cuz that’s just who you are. And so was making me think about that is part of that constant state of arousal is Talking about sex. Sometimes it’s like, oh, I had this dream. Let me tell you about it. It was hot, you know?

Kevin Anthony 23:05
Or, you know, it could be, hey, I was thinking that tonight for date night, we could maybe do this, you know, or just that kind of caught. You don’t have to, like, have a conversation where you sit down and say, Okay, let me tell you what I need. And let’s talk clinically about the like, doesn’t have to be that just the fact that sex comes up as a topic, even if it’s just kind of joking.

Kevin Anthony 23:29
Or, or maybe if you’re watching a movie that has a hot scene in it, and the two of you are like, oh, wow, that was pretty hot. Like, hey, maybe we can try it. Yeah, you know, like alike, that kind of stuff should be coming up on a regular basis. And if it’s not, that’s a sign that your sex life is probably boring.

Céline Remy 23:47
Right? So if your sex life is boring, you need help and we are here to help you so if you are a couple who’s stuck in a rut and into some routines and kind of has reached the place of sex is boring or not.

Céline Remy 23:59
What it used to be the new tired of that, like stale mechanical sex and want more spontaneity and fun again, so that you don’t have to live a life of average because really who wants to have average sex? Right, Kevin and I would love to invite you to join us in our highly sexed power couple Platinum program.

Céline Remy 24:19
So if you give us a 90 day, so only 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. So you can find more about our program at Silene. remi.com forward slash passion,

Kevin Anthony 24:36
right, we will teach you everything that we do and then some Huh, do you have the kind of sex life that we have?

Céline Remy 24:44
So what to do when sex gets boring you now know Okay, you’ve noticed the signs you are being finally honest, sex is boring. Now, where do you go from there?

Kevin Anthony 24:55
That is a great question. Okay. So everything that we said You know, at the beginning of the show, do the opposite of that.

Céline Remy 25:04
That’s it. That’s it, we’re done.

Kevin Anthony 25:07
Okay, now we have a list for you as well. Number one, make sex a priority.

Céline Remy 25:13
So I want to be, I want to add something to this. So make sex a priority is for you. If you haven’t had as I mean, you may be having a little bit less sex, but you still have a good connection. Now, if you haven’t had sex in a few years, and we have clients like that we work with people where it’s been years without real intimacy and deep sex. At this point, do not make sex a priority.

Céline Remy 25:41
Take sex off the table, and focus on creating a connection and touch that does not go to sex. What’s very interesting is once you start to take sex off the table for a lot of people when they start to want it, you want what you can’t have, and so on. There’s kind of like making sex a priority. It’s up to you to know where you are. So if you are falling the category of not having had it for years, take it off and reconnect with touch.

Kevin Anthony 26:10
Yeah, well, it takes the pressure off to write and so it allows everybody to kind of relax like, okay, I don’t, I’m not required to do anything and mix. People let their guard down a little bit, and they’re a little more open to different types of connections.

Céline Remy 26:25
Number two, take a mini-moon together. A mini-vacation, a mini-honeymoon, a staycation. You know, ideally, it’s about breaking the routine, and it’s best if you can get out of your home and go somewhere else. I mean, every time we go on vacation or somewhere else our sex like gets, like again sparked, right?

Kevin Anthony 26:49
I mean, as soon as we relax in distress, we’re automatically horny.

Céline Remy 26:52
Yeah, absolutely. So having a focus doesn’t have to be three weeks, but like you can take three days and make it like a 7 am Many more, you could just go to a hotel like, close to where you live, it’s just about doing something different with the intention of creating this honeymoon. Adventure or experience for you.

Kevin Anthony 27:12
Yeah. And I think you know, I mean, it’s if all you can do is take one throughout the year, then you know, that’s what you can do. But I think it’d be even better to do like quarterly like every three months do some sort of little mini thing where you get to go connect and do something fun. Yeah, you’re you have the free time and space and energy to actually make love.

Céline Remy 27:31
Hmm, I love this. Number three. You want to address the issues that are underlying so whether it’s a relationship thing that’s going on, there might be resentment and might be whatever it is, and I get some help and support and tackle that because like Kevin said earlier, your sex life is not really separated from the rest of your life. So if things are not going well in the relationship, it will translate into the bedroom.

Céline Remy 27:59
That also means that if you are experiencing discomfort and pain during sex as a woman, not able to have an orgasm, or if you’re a man who has erection problems and anything really where it’s in the way and you’re not happy with how your body’s operating right now tackles that.

Kevin Anthony 28:19
Absolutely. All right, let’s see next on the list, talk about your turn-ons, got to communicate, get oral,

Céline Remy 28:29
not in the next tip is to focus on the emotional connection. That’s an interesting one, because, for a lot of women, they will need this emotional connection in order to be able to open up to having sex. For a guy sometimes it’s a little tricky. They get to the emotional after they had sex.

Céline Remy 28:51
And so but the emotional is still there. It’s a myth to think that guys don’t want to have an emotional connection, man as they age. They really want that as well. I mean, I’m sure you can speak more of that, Kevin, but you’re different from when you were the 20s. And you just wanted to hold to fuck now you want to meet more than a hole? Right?

Kevin Anthony 29:10
Yeah, I’ve actually talked about this a lot on the show that the older I get, the less attractive that purely physical sex is. I mean, it’s not that good or anything. But, you know, once you’ve had really great physical sex that’s combined with the really great emotional connection. The plain physical is just like a whenever it’s it’s second class. Really?

Céline Remy 29:34
Yeah. There is one more big elephant here in the room we haven’t spoken about, but it’s out of our realm of expertise, but it’s to address any health issues that you have. And if you are on a particular medication, know that it can 100% affect your libido, your arousal, and your body’s response.

Kevin Anthony 29:55
This is something that they almost never tell you, but if you read the fine print down You know, buried under all that, Danny Brittany stuff in the commercials where the guy got buried in there is almost always something that says that it will decrease your desire for sex.

Céline Remy 30:15
So if you are taking medication, seek out your medical professional, maybe switch find a way to maybe, yeah, switch things weaning yourself off or whatever but it’s not our area of expertise but it needs to be talked about because it is important.

Kevin Anthony 30:32
Yeah, it’s a big one. It’s one we actually see with clients a lot when they come to us especially men with both erection problems and also low libido problems. When you really get into the intake and start asking Okay, what medications are you on your bla bla bla bla bla, then the list comes out and I mean, there are some big ones are not going to name any names but you see those on the intake form you go out okay.

Kevin Anthony 30:56
So then of course we always have to direct them back towards their doctors to talk about this and see if there’s a way they can adjust that.

Céline Remy 31:02
All right, number seven here be willing to do new things together and it just doesn’t have to be in the bedroom. It could be outside the bedroom because again, it’s like about sparking this creative fire. Because that’s what it’s all about for the passion you feel in the bedroom to so do things together, do new things, try something different.

Céline Remy 31:23
I mean, it really doesn’t have to be complicated. It could be just to try a new dish at a different restaurant, or it could be to take a new road to go home, you know, on your drive home.

Kevin Anthony 31:33
That comes back to our you know, if your sex life is boring, the rest of your life is likely boring to write. So it’s basically the opposite of that. So it’s doing things in your life differently in the hopes that it will also spark your sex life to be a little different.

Céline Remy 31:52
And then here, you want to find your passion in life. Again, we are talking a lot about that because it’s not separated and Something that I think is very important is it could be wonderful to share a hobby together. But if you don’t, you need to yourself at least have one or two things that are your hobbies.

Céline Remy 32:10
And it’s to give yourself permission to be immersed in those hobbies and feel the passion and then at times to invite your partner into your hobbies. It doesn’t mean you’re going to love everything, but it’s to share something that you are passionate about with your partner.

Céline Remy 32:25
And you can each do that with each other to get to know each other’s more and to see your partner’s really lit up with passion. Because when you see that, that will spark new things again, within you.

Kevin Anthony 32:37
Yeah, absolutely. It’s like I said earlier in the show, your sex life is not separate from the rest of your life, right? So if you don’t have anything else in life that you’re passionate about, then that’s probably a pretty good sign that you’re not all that passionate in the bedroom, either. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 32:55
And we’ve got two more tips here for you. One is to speak each other’s love language. Because unless you feel fully loved, it’s going to be difficult to if you’re running on empty on your love tank to want to have sex to be motivated and things can get boring. So you want to really make sure that you make a little deposit into the love bank account of your partner.

Céline Remy 33:17
Even if it’s not your main love language speak there’s and then I think the most important is about dropping the goal in your sex and in your sex life that it has to look a certain way that every single time that you have sex, it has to be mind-blowing, she has to have a female ejaculation and three orgasms and he has to like last for this amount of time and do this and do that.

Céline Remy 33:44
Start to focus more on the quality and on the sensations and on how much more can you connect through using all of your senses and also beyond the physical five senses like that energy that talking that Kevin was talking about earlier.

Kevin Anthony 34:02
Uh-huh. It’s getting hot in here.

Céline Remy 34:06
Is it the heatwave or just it’s a conversation?

Kevin Anthony 34:10
Well, it’s this conversation along with that top you wear

Céline Remy 34:14
working it’s working. See like we forgot to put this into the to-do list you like wear something sexy? Actually it does work

Kevin Anthony 34:21
sometimes. Oh yeah, I don’t always work for me. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 34:42
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault

Kevin Anthony 34:56
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 34:58
and remember you are amazing.