How To Overcome Premature Ejaculation

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts Kevin Anthony, and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 99. Can you believe we’re only one episode away from 100?

Céline Remy 0:40
Wow, we will forever step into the free digits dimension.

Kevin Anthony 0:44
That’s right. So make sure you tune in next week as well to hear our 100th episode.

Céline Remy 0:50
Oh, how exciting. We do have something very special in store for the 100th episode, but you’re just gonna have to be patient and settle in for today. Awesome anyway,

Kevin Anthony 1:01
That is correct. And whether you are a man or a woman, you are going to want to listen to this episode. Because this is a big problem. It’s a common problem. And I think if you’re in a relationship and you’re experiencing this problem whether you’re a man or a woman, you should understand what’s happening and how to fix it.

Céline Remy 1:21
And what’s the problem? Have we saved the title yet?

Kevin Anthony 1:24
Actually, we have not. The title of this episode is how to overcome PE and last longer in bed and PE means premature ejaculation.

Céline Remy 1:36
Hmm. And so this is a really common problem, by the way, they said like one in five man’s will experience premature ejaculation at some point in his life. A lot of the women that we talked to mention that too, so definitely. I want to bring up one point before we dive into the subject.

Céline Remy 1:54
We are not here to shame people who experience premature ejaculation. We are here to help help you because it is not something that you have to live with your entire life. And there are solutions and ways to change that.

Kevin Anthony 2:08
There absolutely are. We’ll definitely go into them. And I just want to say like, I really feel like this is a very misunderstood subject. Misunderstood not only by, you know, the average person who might be experiencing it, but also misunderstood by mainstream science and mainstream medicine. Mm-hmm. And we’ll talk about that as we go on.

Céline Remy 2:32
So we’re gonna bring some light in there and we’ve got a lot of things planned for you. Stick with us throughout this whole show don’t come too quickly. But before we get started, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor power and mastery.

Céline Remy 2:47
So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. You can find more about it at power and mastery.com there is actually a course that is specifically designed to help you master your ejaculation. So you can take that course solo, or you can buy sexual mastery, which has that course as well as other ones in it like a full bundle. But there is something for you to learn how to last longer naturally, power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 3:21
Absolutely. And, you know, the intent of this episode is not to be a giant commercial for that program, we actually want to deliver value and good information that you could take. Just know that as we go through this information, we are also going to make the case for why we think our program is better than what your doctor is going to tell you. We’re going to get really clear on what the differences are and why we’ve chosen to do what we’ve done in that course.

Céline Remy 3:49
So let’s start with a definition, right? Because I think we need to get like maybe a standard definition gives that one to escape.

Kevin Anthony 3:59
Okay, so this standard definition, I looked this up on Wikipedia, so it must be true. I checked out a couple of sources, they all have slightly different variations of the same thing. That is premature ejaculation otherwise known as PE occurs when a man experiences orgasm and expels semen within a few moments of beginning sexual activity and with minimal penile stimulation.

Kevin Anthony 4:24
So basically, what the standard definition is, if I could kind of sum up all the different ones that I’ve read on this, they basically say that it’s when you just come really quickly. And yes, that is technically true. But when we give you our definition in a minute, you’ll see that that’s a little bit different. But think about this for a moment. I mean, we talked about this practically every episode, which is depending on which study you read, they say that the average man lasts three to five minutes or five to seven minutes.

Kevin Anthony 4:56
So when they’re saying premature ejaculation That means it’s even faster, like less than seven minutes, less than five minutes less than three minutes. That’s basically the standard definition.

Céline Remy 5:11
So let’s bring in our definition to add because I think as a woman, this is a post by the way I made on my Instagram accounts, and it got a lot of likes, and people chiming in, like, ah, whoa, this is great. And basically what we were sharing this is that, in short, our definition is if you come sooner than it takes for you, women to ejaculate to sorry to orgasm, you ejaculate too soon.

Céline Remy 5:35
And so it really has to do it’s nothing to do with the timing because even if you’re thinking, Well, I’m lasting five minutes and she’s not able to have an orgasm through penetration sex, it’s probably because there’s not enough time with it and enough stimulation in the right spot. And most likely, it has to do with your inability to last as long as she needs you to last and for us, that’s more of our definition.

Céline Remy 6:02
Maybe the reframe wouldn’t be so much premature ejaculation, but even early ejaculation so if you can’t control when you ejaculate, and if you come too quickly for that she can’t orgasm, then it’s too soon. And it doesn’t matter. Even if it’s 10 or 20 minutes. It’s too soon if it’s not long enough for her.

Kevin Anthony 6:17
Yeah. And so let’s go back to those stats again, right, which we share practically every show, which is that when they said, you know, one study said the average man lives three to five. The other study said the average man, that’s five to seven. They also found that the average woman took 20 to 30 to have an orgasm. Right? So if the average guy is ejaculating in three to seven minutes, and the average woman is having an orgasm in 20 to 30 minutes, you can see there’s a big difference there.

Céline Remy 6:47
Absolutely. And if you tuned in last weekend to our episode on oral sex, and you might be one of those guys. That was one of my clients who worked with me and he was very good at Overall, and that’s kind of how he compensated because he wasn’t able to last as long as he wanted. So he just became really good at using other things.

Céline Remy 7:08
And yes, that’s a solution. However, for him, he realized that he didn’t want to spend his entire life compensating and still having the anxiety in his head. And like the constant nagging of “Am, I gonna last long enough” and he needed to make some changes?

Kevin Anthony 7:22
Yeah, I mean, there, there are things that you can do. There are strategies to be able to pleasure a woman and help her have an orgasm that doesn’t require penetration all the time. And at the same time, if all you ever do is fingering, oral sex, you know, using toys, whatever it is, it’s really not the same as an actual penis penetration.

Kevin Anthony 7:49
And while she might like that she might be happy that she’s having orgasms. There’s always gonna be that like, I wish he could last that long.

Céline Remy 7:57
Yeah, and I think that any women listening to today Show knows if you’ve had a really good lover once who was able to last for a long time. It is something very different. The places you can go with a 45 minutes long lovemaking versus four to five minutes are very different. But oftentimes, we don’t know what we don’t know.

Céline Remy 8:18
And it’s often difficult to imagine. So in this case, simply know that there is a potential to become much more in control but aware, I don’t really like control, but simply more aware and take your sex life to the next level.

Kevin Anthony 8:37
Okay, absolutely.

Céline Remy 8:39
So what about starting to jump into some of the psychological causes? I think we’re going to first go kind of the traditional route, right, and like,

Kevin Anthony 8:48
yeah, so what I wanted to do was I wanted to talk about what does mainstream medical science says are the causes and so I went straight to the Mayo Clinic. recognized as a very prominent, you know, mainstream medical organization. And I took some notes about what they say the causes are.

Kevin Anthony 9:10
And then after that, I want to talk about what we see when we work with clients because there’s overlap, but there are some differences as well. So starting with the Mayo Clinic stuff, so they broke it down into a couple of different sections. And the first one is psychological causes. So they have a list of psychological causes.

Kevin Anthony 9:27
Here they are early sexual experiences, sexual abuse, poor body image, depression, worrying about premature ejaculation, guilty feelings that increase your tendency to rush through sexual encounters. Now, I actually agree with a lot of those I do. They, they, they didn’t really go into a deeper explanation as to how some of these things can do that. We may be We’ll cover that too.

Céline Remy 10:03
And I find it interesting because I find it that it’s like the chicken and the egg. Which one comes first? Is it z, the depression that causes premature ejaculation and the premature ejaculation and like, it’s got, I don’t really know if that truly the causes, but I do know that they are symptoms that something is out of balance and that they are very common in a lot of men who experienced premature ejaculation.

Kevin Anthony 10:31
Yeah, and you know, one of the reasons why I just kind of read through that list, and I didn’t take each one one at a time and kind of break it down and show you that maybe you had some early sexual experiences where you didn’t last long because let’s face it, nobody lasts long in the beginning, nobody does, right? But then you get in your head that that’s, that’s all you can do.

Kevin Anthony 10:53
And then it just uses that program that that inner dialogue keeps running around through your head every time and nowhere. You’re 20 years later, still running the same internal dialogue in your head, like, like, we could go through each one of these and talk about that.

Kevin Anthony 11:08
But I didn’t really want to do that, because I kind of just wanted to say, I kind of wanted to, I wanted to lump them all into psychological because whether or not it’s an early sexual experience, or it’s sexual abuse, or it’s poor body image, how we address the psychological aspect of it is going to be relatively similar. And so that’s why I didn’t really break each one down.

Kevin Anthony 11:31
I mean it if anybody’s listening to this, and they go, Yeah, but I don’t get it like what about depression? Because I have depression, how? Just email us and we could go into more depth about that potentially?

Céline Remy 11:44
Or we’ll make a video question.

Kevin Anthony 11:46
Yes, we can make a separate video on our YouTube channel for that. They also listed here, and this is still under the category of psychological causes. erectile dysfunction, anxiety and relationship problems. Interesting that they kind of put that under the other factors and didn’t list it in the main list. I’m not sure why but, but those are all things that are basically psychological problems.

Céline Remy 12:14
And then if we look at the second category is the one they call the biological causes. So it’s biological factors that may contribute to premature ejaculation. And the list kind of goes on with like, okay, abnormal hormone levels, abnormal levels of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. inflammation and infection of the prostate or urethra are inherited traits. Very interesting about the inherited traits. Well, yeah,

Kevin Anthony 12:41
and it’s, it’s pretty broad. Yes. Now, here’s the thing, when when you hear these lists of psychological factors and biological causes, kind of keep that in the back of your mind because when we tell you what mainstream medical science says you should do to solve this problem. It’ll make sense when you understand what they think the problem is.

Céline Remy 13:04
Absolutely. All right. So that’s kind of like the science medical thing that’s like dry in there. Let’s look a little bit more at the causes that we see most often.

Kevin Anthony 13:19
Yeah, see, this is where the rubber hits the road. This is where the boots on the ground can give you feedback.

Céline Remy 13:26
Absolutely. So I think that the biggest cause that we see is one that we call the nervous system overload. And it’s not that difficult to experience a nervous system overload in today’s world. I mean, there are so many things that are demanding our time, our attention from our inboxes from our social media, from the news that is constantly bombarding us with you know, not so cheerful news. I mean, all of these work, creative Massive overloads of our nervous system, our stress level gets really, really high.

Kevin Anthony 14:07
Yeah, our entire society is designed to keep you in that perpetual fight or flight state. And they actually do this on purpose. We’re not even going to get into that but there is a certain portion of our daily lifestyle and our the world that we live in, that is intentionally trying to keep you out a certain level of anxiety and fear and constantly stuck in fight or flight.

Kevin Anthony 14:31
One of the reasons for that, of course, is that when you’re in fight or flight, your brain actually stops thinking. It stops thinking and it just goes into survival mode, it enters the reptilian portion of the brain and it’s all about how do I survive? Well, if you’re not thinking then you’re not paying attention, and figuring out what it is the very people who are putting you in that state are actually trying to do to you that’s a whole nother topic is not necessarily relevant, but just so that you understand.

Kevin Anthony 14:57
This is what’s happening. your nervous system is stuck up We’re in fight or flight all the time, 24 hours a day, even if you don’t realize it, and a lot of people say, I’m not really that stressed or I’m only stressed at certain times, like during the week. Yeah, but on the weekend, I’m not Yeah, you don’t realize that’s why they call stress the silent killer. It’s always there even though you don’t see it.

Céline Remy 15:18
And then if you look at it from a biological view, basically the fight-flight-freeze, that’s the sympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for your ejaculation. So when you’re in that, that creates an ejaculation response in the body, when you are in your parasympathetic nervous system, which is more of the rest, relax, digest, and I’m, you know, kind of like general generalizing it right. It’s mostly responsible for your erections.

Céline Remy 15:46
And you need to have a good balance between your sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system. It’s not that one is bad, it’s just that you shouldn’t be spending all of your time in either one. And in order to have a good erection and good sexual response. need to have both a parasympathetic nervous system response and a sympathetic nervous system and response. And so that’s when you are hijacked and always in the fight-flight-freeze.

Céline Remy 16:11
You are spending so much time in the response of the body that says master ejaculate, because when you have to ejaculate I mean when there’s danger, you don’t really have time to fuck, you just need to come quickly and save yourself from danger.

Kevin Anthony 16:24
Yes, and that actually leads us right into the second most common cause that we see working with clients, which is poor masturbation habits. Okay, so maybe I can’t speak for all guys, but I’m pretty sure I can speak for most guys, which is most men, men, boys, children discovered their penis at a pretty early age. Who Hey, this feels good. Uh-huh.

Kevin Anthony 16:49
What happens if I do this? Right, you know, and, of course, doing that. If their parents find out about it, they generally tell them it’s wrong. It’s bad. It’s this. You’ve got really, just pressure. You’ve got all this kind of stuff telling you you shouldn’t do this. Everybody does it anyway, we all know that. But then what happens is, well, it kind of goes underground. It goes behind closed doors. It goes, Oh, I’m gonna be in the bathroom for five minutes.

Kevin Anthony 17:14
Or, you know, Oh, um, you know, they’re gonna be downstairs cooking dinner for you know, whatever, like, you sneak it in where you can and you’re worried about getting caught. So what do you do? You do it fast. You do it fast. You’re just like, I gotta hurry up and do this. Then. Let’s take it a step further. Now you’re older. Right? You’ve conditioned yourself already over many years to ejaculate quickly. Now you’re watching a lot of porn. Mm-hmm. What do

Céline Remy 17:41
you do you look at these super exciting images by the way, which triggers your brain in like putting it slightly in overload right of the extra stimulation. And then you’re going from one shot to another quickly browsing and quickly comment.

Kevin Anthony 17:54
You know, I don’t remember off the top of my head but we did do a whole show a while back on stuff. Statistics with porn, because porn hub put out their yearly statistics. And they did have a stat in there for the average length of time that somebody watches porn. It’s minutes. Yes, yes, minutes. And why do you think that is? Well, it’s very obvious because you find the clip that you want. And this is really exciting.

Kevin Anthony 18:20
And you watch it for a few minutes and then you masturbate. You come and then you’re done. And you’re off to the next thing, right? That’s why the average it’s not because they’re terrible. It’s not because it’s not pleasurable to watch. It’s not like, Oh, this sucks. I’m going to change the channel, right? I mean, maybe until you find the one you like, but there’s plenty to choose from. So you will find something.

Kevin Anthony 18:41
But the point is, is Yeah, that you’ve conditioned yourself through hyperstimulation and short, quick masturbation to ejaculate quickly and think about it just like any other muscle in your body. Right. You are literally training it a certain way. They always say How you do it and practice in training is how you’ll do it in the real thing. Ask any professional athlete, if you want to go run a marathon, you can’t just go run five miles a couple of times a week and expect to be able to run a marathon.

Kevin Anthony 19:13
And it’s not even just about building up the conditioning. That’s part of it, right? The thing is, your body had never run a marathon. How do you expect to do it? Right? It’s true for anything, it doesn’t really matter what it is. You have to do the thing that you want to do and do it as if you were doing it. We’ll get to that later, too.

Céline Remy 19:35
Yeah. And that afraid cause here that we see most often is what we would call maybe psychological trauma. I don’t know if I would say always trauma, but it’s definitely a mindset. It’s definitely mind related. And it gets in the way, whether it’s religious trauma, and I can really call that trauma because we see a lot of people who come with that baggage or it’s a mindset that you’ve been stuck in, but it really hinders your ability to perform in the bedroom.

Céline Remy 20:06
And so it’s about getting over that. So really, if we’re to sum it up, we’ve got the nervous system. We’ve got the poor masturbation habits, and we’ve got the mindset that’s not thinking like a winner. It’s thinking like, as a loser and keeping you trapped in anxiety.

Kevin Anthony 20:22
Yeah, so no, we did not just call every person that premature ejaculate to a loser. That’s not what we said,

Céline Remy 20:28
mentality, the mentality of not a winner.

Kevin Anthony 20:35
Well, you know, like, lots of good people who are not losers still struggle with this problem, but it can get into your head that, well, you start thinking things like, Well, every time I ejaculate early, so that means it’s gonna happen the next time and you get in sort of that downward spiral of expecting that your performance is not going to be good.

Céline Remy 20:58
Yeah, and you said this thing, you know, Go champion, you kind of set yourself for an average performance. And that’s really what I mean about that with that

Kevin Anthony 21:06
mindset. And you know, do we have this issue? quickly look down here on the mistake. Okay? We didn’t write it here. So maybe now is a good time to talk about it. So under this psychological section that we have, there’s something that we tend to see in a lot of people that have premature ejaculation. Do you have it?

Céline Remy 21:29
It’s in the mistake. Oh, sorry. Okay, you’re gonna have to wait. We’ll get there. I know. It’s gonna be hard. So I want to do two things. I want to start I want to tell you about our story first, just to kind of sum everything that we’ve talked about. So it’s a client of mine that sought some help because he’s he was he got married as a virgin.

Céline Remy 21:51
So as you would expect, the sex was not that great because, hey, you have to take time to learn right? What happened to him is that he started to have premature ejaculation. You know, we have to understand that this was an arranged marriage, they didn’t have the best communication and connection. There are a lot of things holding them back. They’re working against it a lot of obstacles in the way. Absolutely. But here he is experiencing premature ejaculation. He doesn’t have the tools, he doesn’t know what to do.

Céline Remy 22:21
So he goes to his doctor, and his doctor is like, Well, let me give you Viagra. So he puts him on via garage sale is one of the other and just gives him that and no, he tries that on and he’s like, Well, actually, I’ve never had an erection program because what those are good for is to help with erections, you know, to help the dilation of the vessels and make the circulation a bit better so that you have better erections. He never struggled with that. So then he goes back to the doctor and he’s like, okay, no, that’s really not my problem.

Céline Remy 22:49
So the doctor then goes like, Okay, I know what your problem is. So I’m going to put you on SSRIs, which are kind of like a term for antidepressants, and so he’s He takes this and now he’s able to last in the bedroom because of the SSRIs. But suddenly he’s not able to feel anything. And he’s like, what’s the point? He literally is like, what’s the point of having sex if I can’t feel anything?

Kevin Anthony 23:15
You know, the funny thing about that is that it’s a well-known side effect of SSRIs that you have decreased libido.

Céline Remy 23:22
Yeah. And it wasn’t just about decreased libido. He was saying, like even being touched, he couldn’t really even connect the things anymore. So that left him stuck. This is why he reached out to me and was like, Can you help me? Because obviously, the route that I’ve been taking with going from my doctor is not working. I was like, of course, I can help you. And these things can be changed in just a few weeks.

Céline Remy 23:44
So that’s to tell you like a real story of what happens and where it can go and we’re going to talk to you about mistakes and solutions. But before we do that, we want to invite you to our VIP program. So if you are launching longing for deeper levels of sexuality coupled with emotional intimacy, spirituality, and just true connection. There a sexual power and passion VIP program is for you.

Céline Remy 24:11
This next-level intimacy coaching for modern capital is designed to help you bring the passion back between the sheets and beyond. This 90-day program is truly for the couple that does not want to live a life of average and wants to be synched up sexually so that they can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. You can find more about our VIP Platinum program at cylinder me.com forward slash passion. All right,

Kevin Anthony 24:37
I want to slightly rearrange our notes here. I want to talk about mainstream medical solutions first, and then we’ll go into the mistakes that men make from our point of view and our solutions. Just because it’s so relevant to what we were just talking about with what the doctors prescribed to your client. So I will say this before I go into the shortlist here that, according to the Mayo Clinic, they did have some suggestions for treatments that we do agree with.

Kevin Anthony 25:09
So they did have counseling for the psychological causes. And they did have one other one that we’ll talk about later when we get to ours. But other than that, they had a whole bunch of things listed on there that I don’t agree with. So let’s talk about some of those. One of them was the use of condoms. Okay, why did they say condoms

Céline Remy 25:33
and usually double condoms?

Kevin Anthony 25:35
Yeah, just because it numbs you out. You can’t feel anything if you reduce the sensation. But here’s the problem with that doesn’t address the underlying cause. Right? So it doesn’t really fix your problem. It just sorts of masks it. And it may or may not even really work all that well. Well,

Céline Remy 25:52
what happens is a lot of guys think that they have premature ejaculation because they overly sensitive and I don’t think it’s really the right explanation to it. So they are taking the route of the condoms. That’s another client of mine that I had who used to do two condoms at a time. Those worked a short time. He was like, okay, I’ve now I’ve made this and now it’s good. Then it failed again. He had to find another solution because these are kind of like temporary band-aids.

Kevin Anthony 26:20
Yeah. And even if it is a sensitivity issue. I mean, that might work. But most likely, it’s combined with a psychological issue. And the psychological issue is not going to be solved with a condom. Absolutely. It’s just not.

Céline Remy 26:37
So the next solution is to get into like topical anesthetics, things like desensitizing

Kevin Anthony 26:45
creams that basically just numb you out again.

Céline Remy 26:47
Yeah, but they tend to also numb your partner out. So a lot of women don’t like that because you’ll spray that on your deck, and then you’ll penetrate her and then she’ll be like, she might feel a tingling sensation or numbing and a lot for men who have like, I don’t want you to use that spray on me because it doesn’t agree with my fuzzy.

Kevin Anthony 27:04
Well, not only that, but she doesn’t want to be numbed out she wants to feel everything. You’re gonna take that 20 to 30 minute period and drag it out to 40 or 50 minutes. Okay, and then the other one that’s this is really big and this is exactly the route that your client was put down, which is oral medications. Right. So, you know, the first thing they did was

Céline Remy 27:30
the Cialis or Viagra and then it was right, yeah. SSRIs. Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 27:36
So prescription medications. The problem with that is, again, they’re not solving the underlying problem. And those drugs actually have a whole host of side effects that come with them. Now, remember, we were talking earlier about the list of, of causes according to the Mayo Clinic, you can understand why they go through the source of treatment, right?

Kevin Anthony 28:00
Because right under their biological causes, they have abnormal levels of brain chemicals, neurotransmitters, so what are they trying to do with their antidepressants to try to alter the brain chemicals to change it. So that’s one of the reasons they do that. And then you know, they’ve got, they got, we read them earlier, but you can start to see if you match up what they think the cause is, why they go the route that they do.

Kevin Anthony 28:23
Obviously, there are other reasons for that, too, because in the mainstream Western medical system, basically, you either cut it out with surgery or you use a drug, that’s pretty much all they do.

Céline Remy 28:33
And it’s never really solving anything. It’s masking things. It’s very rarely giving you an awesome solution that’s holistic. And I think that’s really where then we have so many people coming to see us because they tried these things and then like, well, it doesn’t work like of course, it doesn’t. We have to look at the whole picture, not just isolate one aspect and

Kevin Anthony 28:54
you know, it was sad when I was researching that. I saw that they have three new drugs. They’re working on to potentially solve this problem. And I can guarantee you, they’re not really going to solve it. They’re going to mask it. They’re going to somehow work with the symptoms, and they’re going to have a host of side effects. Yeah,

Céline Remy 29:11
that’s the biggest problem. There are side effects.

Kevin Anthony 29:14
I mean, that’s, that’s huge. And so, you know, this is why, like I said earlier, when we talk about this kind of stuff, we want to talk about how the program that we’ve created doesn’t have any of these side effects. And it’s not just treating symptoms, it’s actually going to the root cause of why you’re having this issue and helping you solve that.

Céline Remy 29:34
So let’s talk about some of the mistakes that we see people, though, that you if it’s one if it’s you, and you’re like, I can’t last as long as I want, you’ve probably tried a lot of things and one of the biggest one and that’s the one you wanted to talk about, that we have seen.

Céline Remy 29:49
And you might not be actually aware of that because it’s kind of it’s a pattern, and Unless Unless you’ve slowed down enough to start to look at it. It’s about all He’s taking shortcuts in life and wanting things right away. And so sometimes we have that with our courses with Master ejaculation.

Kevin Anthony 30:10
The number one question, we get somebody purchases, master your ejaculation, and within three to five days, the first thing they could say is, I’m not having any results not working. How long is that gonna tell me? Is it gonna take? like, Whoa, you are retraining your physical and mental body? Do you think you can do that in three days?

Céline Remy 30:31
I mean, studies have all shown it’s at least 21 days and that’s on the conservative side.

Kevin Anthony 30:36
Yeah, well, just some say 21 Some say up to 40 days to

Céline Remy 30:40
create a new habit. So what do you expect, you know when you’re working with your sexuality, but this is a mistake that we see that over and over. I mean, at this point, we’ve worked with over 1000 men and it’s like from all walks of life, and it is a commonality with all people who experience premature ejaculation that There’s this desire to want things quickly, everything right now. Exactly. And

Kevin Anthony 31:04
what’s interesting about that is that that isn’t something we read somewhere. And if you take the people that that contact us from our programs, even out of the picture and just focus on the people that we work with, that we, we get to talk to in person, or at least remotely, and we get to find out a little bit about their life and how it works and how they operate. It is a common thread through the majority of them that they will always want instant gratification. Hmm.

Céline Remy 31:35
So that’s Mistake number one to really look for and start to start to slow down everywhere, right and that will also retrain your nervous system. Remember when we’re talking about your nervous system and the importance of downregulating so that you could last longer.

Céline Remy 31:50
The second mistake that we see is people who know are like telling themselves think about a baseball grandma or Margaret Thatcher. naked on a cold day, whatever that is, you have to distract yourself.

Kevin Anthony 32:04
That’s one of my favorites. Austin Powers reference when he’s trying to not get turned down. He’s like, Mark, Thatcher naked on a cold day market that you’re naked on a cold day, you know. But it’s, it’s basically, it’s the distraction method. It’s

Céline Remy 32:16
a mental distraction that makes you not aware of what’s going on. And

Kevin Anthony 32:20
that’s the problem with it, right? Because what you ultimately need when you’re trying to manage your excitement level and not ejaculate too soon, is you need to know where you are on something that we call

Céline Remy 32:33
the arousal,

Kevin Anthony 32:34
arousal scale, right? And the arousal scale is knowing how close you are on a scale where your body is at. The problem with the distraction method is you start going into your distraction, like Okay, okay, I’m thinking about baseball or work or whatever it is.

Céline Remy 32:47
And guess what she feels that you’re not there with her? Well, that’s that’s

Kevin Anthony 32:50
another unfortunate byproduct of this method is you basically check out mentally and she feels it so now she’s not connected to you and if she’s not connected to you, she’s not really Not anymore. But the other thing is, is that you can get so lost in that mental distraction, that you actually lose touch with where you’re at in your arousal scale. And then you can ejaculate and you’re like, wait, I thought I was under control. How did that happen?

Céline Remy 33:15
Hmm, absolutely. Another thing that happens as a mistake is a mistake number three is being caught up in the fast breathing and this is kind of like a reaction when you’re not really paying attention to your body. Most people when they get aroused sexually, they will go into short, fast-paced breathing.

Céline Remy 33:31
This short, fast-paced breathing will stimulate your sympathetic nervous system, the fight-flight-freeze, which will then in turn may increase your chances of having ejaculation happening sooner.

Kevin Anthony 33:42
Absolutely. And in both Taoist and tantric practices, they have specific techniques for breathing when having sex. And part of that is to control exactly what we were just saying. Absolutely. We teach that in the course or version of it, yes to help you learn to control your breathing. It’s, it is a fantastic

Céline Remy 34:11
tool and it absolutely works it absolutely helps. I mean your breath can literally become the brakes are the accelerator for your sexual energy once you start to understand it and feel it better. We’ve already talked about the poor masturbation habits as being a mistake. So we’re not going to spend more time here,

Kevin Anthony 34:31
but do know that in our course, we actually teach you a practice to reverse that. That is true, a very important practice to reverse that

Céline Remy 34:40
and will tell you that part of our solution to hearing a little bit the other one is to have too much stimulation. And that can happen with overloads of like being lost in sexual fantasy or going too quickly with the sensations like on the shaft or anywhere else. fantasizing about, I don’t know to have a threesome with your girlfriend rather than being there. I mean, so many things. It’s just too many simulations too quickly.

Kevin Anthony 35:06
Yeah, you know, we talked a lot about psychological causes. And we talked about, you know, it could be anything from trauma to anxiety about performing well, and all that kind of stuff. But one thing that we didn’t really talk so much about was excitement level, which is, you know, that you’re fond of saying this all the time that our brain is our number one sex organ, right?

Kevin Anthony 35:28
Because so much of our turn on and our sexual experience really originates from the brain. Well, that can be a good thing. And it can be a bad thing. Because what a lot of guys do is they build the excitement up so much mentally in their head that physically they can’t contain it.

Céline Remy 35:44
Absolutely. And then the last mistake that I want to briefly talk about is about your pelvic floor muscles and that a lot of guys are not aware of once you start to do is once you research the internet, I have premature ejaculation people like to call key goals, okay, so do like muscle control, and we will get into that.

Céline Remy 36:03
But what they don’t do is that they don’t do it properly. So they end up with overactive pelvic floor muscles, which will create tension, tension in the body equals ejaculation tension in general, whether it’s mental or physical, which will result in ejaculation. So wherever you have your pelvic floor muscles that are too tight, wherever you mentally holding onto something, and you’re like, too tight, they’re too or too like, yeah, the too overactive, right,

Kevin Anthony 36:30
for sure. You know, the problem with the Kegels is that either men don’t do them, and they have very weak pelvic floor muscles, or they do them wrong. And then they have a whole bunch of tension, and that causes its whole own problem. So there is a right way to do it. We also teach that in the course as well.

Céline Remy 36:49
Absolutely. So now that you’ve got all of these, we want to leave you with an actual solution also, just to get you started. What can you do now that you more aware of? First of all, having awareness is key, right? Knowing what to look for we’ve given you a lot of different mistakes, a lot of things to look for. So pay attention, which ones are really happening for you.

Céline Remy 37:11
Number two, you need to understand that the way you do your solo sex, aka masturbation, and the way you do sex with your partner are not really different. And what I mean by that is that most guys think I can masturbate a certain way. I can behave a certain way when I’m by myself. But then my body will know the difference once I’m with a partner.

Kevin Anthony 37:34
Well, no, it doesn’t. And for a lot of men, they masturbate more frequently than they actually have penetration sex. That’s true. So yes, just like anything else. You know, how you do it in training and in practice is how you’re going to do it in the real thing.

Céline Remy 37:51
So what we want you to do is actually to masturbate, you never thought that we might give you that as homework, but is to use your solos. Practice as a way to train your body and retrain your nervous system. The gist of it is pretty simple. What you want to do is to set a timer usually we like 20 minutes masturbation, and it’s to pay attention to your body not be lost in fantasy, you’re not going to be like watching porn, you are going to start to tune in and feel your body. start to notice what you add on that arousal scale.

Céline Remy 38:28
Maybe at first, you might not be able to go from like 30 seconds to 20 minutes, it might be too much, but start to lengthen. If you only last for 30 seconds right now make it a goal to last for at least two minutes and then stretch it by a minute every time you masturbate. And what you need to do is to slow down a little bit. If you feel like you’re getting very close, take your hands off, breathe, do some belly breathing, for just like a reset, and then go back to the stimulation. When you start to do that, you’re going to start the retraining.

Céline Remy 39:04
That happens. A lot of guys are wondering, like, how often should I do this and how long. So ideally, you want to get to a 20 minutes marker. Ideally, you want to do this at least once a day. Well, actually, once it is pretty much what you would do, but at least for three weeks straight, that’s the most important takes time. So the basic practice you can take away from this episode is to try to use your masturbation practice to simulate how long you want to last in actual sex.

Céline Remy 39:38
Now, there’s more to it than that. There’s a whole technique that brings in the arousal scale and a certain way and all that we’re not going to be don’t even have time to go into that in this episode, but it’s all in our course. So just go check out power mastery, calm if you really want to learn that specifically, but at least you have something that you can start with a place to start and it starts With you, it starts with reconnecting with your body differently.

Céline Remy 40:04
And there is hope. It doesn’t take long most of my clients, people we’ve worked with, it only takes them about three weeks of retraining themselves between three to five weeks, and they see a lasting difference for life. So there is hope we know it’s possible. Don’t sell yourself short, Don’t settle for something that’s not exactly what you want. We are here to help you.

Céline Remy 40:28
We can work with you privately in person through coaching, you can work with us into our online programs at your own pace from the comfort of your own home, there are multiple ways to get you to last longer in the bedroom. Absolutely. And you know, we created these courses, because we worked with so many people and we identified all of these things that they had in common and we’re like, how can we help these people? How can we put this together in something that they can then take and follow? Absolutely a

Kevin Anthony 40:58
A lot of people do things the other way around. They’re like, Oh, let me make something I can sell and then figure out how to do it. It’s like, No, no, this came from our experience working with people. So we know that it works. We also know that it takes time. So you want to be dedicated. If you really want to solve this, you can do it.

Céline Remy 41:14
Right. But all of this into practice today.

Kevin Anthony 41:19
Absolutely. All right, we covered a lot of ground. We sure did. That is all the time we have for this episode. So we will see you next week for 100.

Kevin Anthony 41:35
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your

Céline Remy 41:42
friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 41:57
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 41:58
and remember You are amazing.