The Secret To Creating Powerful, Lasting Attraction In Your Relationship

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or a woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 100 actually have done this 100 times can you believe that?

Céline Remy 0:41
Can you believe it? We’ve been coming together….weekly 100 times.

Kevin Anthony 0:47
Yeah,

Céline Remy 0:48
We are so good.

Kevin Anthony 0:50
How many people can say that?

First of all, I want to thank our loyal listeners who I know have listened to all 100 episodes. Thank you so much. We love you, we wouldn’t be able to do this without you. We appreciate you and we have prepared a very, very special episode for you today.

All right, so episode 100 is titled “The Secret to creating powerful lasting attraction in your relationship”. Okay, so here’s the thing. From the day that we started this podcast, I was like, we need to do an episode on this. We need to do an episode on this. And every week, other things would come up, guests would get booked, we’d have new ideas, and we just never did it.

We’ve talked about pieces of it here and they’re scattered throughout, but we’ve never actually talked about the entire subject. And we’ve given live presentations and talks on this before. So some of this includes a little bit of that information plus some new stuff. So I think it’s going to be a powerful and possibly even slightly triggering to some people episode.

Céline Remy 2:01
absolutely most essential if you want to have lasting passion in your relationship, but, and a lot of the things are from, you know, from our own relationship. We’ve been together four and a half years now coming on to five. And we still look at each other and want to have sex and are attracted. So we know that these things work. They absolutely do.

And, yes, it will give you all of those steps. We’ve also talked with other couples who’ve been together longer than us and who also have kept that going. And so we’re giving you all of these different pieces. But before we get started, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsor power and mastery because if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, and yeah, why wouldn’t you right?

Then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. And you’ll have something whether you want to know how to have hardest erections last longer in bed or increase your sexual skills for your pleasure and hers.

Kevin Anthony 3:09
Mm-hmm. Okay, so

Céline Remy 3:13
So do you know what the number one passion killing is? And no, it is not poor communication skills, lack of money, your in-laws, lack of time lack of sex or even like infidelity. I mean these things, sure they can hurt your relationship and then not good but they are not the number one passion killing. Are you ready? Number one, killing drones. It is a lack of polarity,

Kevin Anthony 3:47
Polarity, we’re giving you the punch line right upfront, and then we’re going to spend the rest of the episode explaining what we mean by this. You may have heard the term before. You may think you know what it means but you probably Probably don’t really.

So because and I say that not to demean anybody listening to the show, but just because we’ve talked about this a lot. We’ve given talks on it. And our experience has been most people are like, Oh, wait, wait a minute. That’s what you mean or wait, oh, oh, okay. So,

Céline Remy 4:17
yeah, and even if you understand the word, it’s most likely, what are the actions that you’re doing to keep that word alive to keep that alive? And this is really what the meat of today’s show is going to be? So let’s start with defining polarity. What do we mean by polarity and what is that?

Kevin Anthony 4:34
Okay, so, the first thing that we need to do is define what polarity isn’t, okay? Then we will define what it actually is, okay? So, you know, that feeling when you meet somebody, and you’re attracted to them, and you feel that energy between the two of you, and it’s like you just can’t wait to be with the person. You can’t wait to have sex with them.

You crave them when they’re not around, and then a year and a half to two years later, that’s kind of gone and you’re just like, whatever. That is not polarity. And here’s the thing. The reason why we had to define that first is because it gets confused for polarity all the time.

Céline Remy 5:23
That’s like the honeymoon phase. That’s the kind of falling in love, lots of hormonal things that get in place with the oxytocin’s and Adobe mean and all of these things happening in your brain. And a lot of people confuse this attraction and this hormonal shower reaction that happens in the body with polarity.

Can polarity create the attraction and makes you want to take your partner’s clothes off? Yes. But is that the sign that you experiencing polarity that from the beginning? No

Kevin Anthony 6:00
Yeah, and see the thing is, you know, having worked with both new couples and couples that have been together for a long time, you can really see that pattern, you can see it clearly. And in the beginning, it’s nearly impossible to tell the difference. It’s only over time that you can start to see one wears off and the other one doesn’t.

Céline Remy 6:18
Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So do we want to talk about Dr. Fred now?

Kevin Anthony 6:24
Okay, let’s talk about him for a minute. And just to help drive this point home about what polarity is it?

Céline Remy 6:30
So this information that we’re about to share with you comes from Dr. Fred Nour, I hope I’m pronouncing his name right. It’s a he’s a neurologist and author of the book true love how to use science and understand love. What he says is that movies try to convince us that we will feel this way forever. But the intense romance has an expiration date for everyone expects the passion to last two to three years as at most and these are his Words.

And I also want to say that I’m not 100% agree with that. I think passion can last, but it’s different. And maybe that’s what he means. So don’t think that there’s no more passion or romance, it just shifts a little bit.

Kevin Anthony 7:16
That’s an important distinction, not really the focus of what we’re talking about today. But an important distinction to make that it doesn’t mean that you’re never going to have passion again. Like that’s not what we’re trying to say at all.

Céline Remy 7:27
So he broke it down into four phases of love. And so the number one is what he calls the mate selection. That’s all about while you’re looking for a mate, right? So you’re like, scouring the world internet, whatever, looking for somebody that finally can fit that perfect hole of yours.

Kevin Anthony 7:45
And both fun and horribly frustrating.

Céline Remy 7:49
And by the way, just a side note on that. I mean, this is a job to find somebody else who’s going to complete you and feel that perfect hole of yours, because ultimately you want to come from a place where you feel complete and you’re not looking for somebody to complete you that you are whole is simply wanting somebody else who’s just as whole and holy as you are so that you can have a better relationship that’s not dependent and codependent

Kevin Anthony 8:11
Yeah, absolutely. You have to come in if you want your relationship to be healthy, you have to come into it being full and whole and yourself.

Céline Remy 8:18
Mm-hmm. So let’s move on to number two of his four phases of love. Number two is one equals romance and falling in love. I think that that’s the phase we were talking about that Kevin was talking about earlier with the kind of like all the different butterflies of things were you literally addicted to that partner right? Then you move on to phase three and phase three is the falling out of romantic love.

That’s probably where most people either separate or divorce. They fail in love because they falling out of romantic love. Because what kind of bonded them at first these hormonal showers and chemistry are no longer there. And that’s a trap when you think it’s not there that you’ve lost something and that the relationship is no longer viable or exciting or whatever that is. That leads to phase number four, which equals true love.

This is really that the space that if you decide that your partner is still the right person for you after the passion ends, you’re on your way to finding true love. It happens gradually and slowly, you’ll usually start to feel it one or two years after the previous phase, your feelings will just continue to grow deeper over the years driven by chemicals called known as peptides.

This stage ensures a deep bond between you and your partner. So I find this fascinating, like science explaining kind of like the stages of love. And I want to be clear that that passion doesn’t end it might not be the same as the beginning but there are ways to bring it back. And this is really what we focus on.

Kevin Anthony 10:05
Yeah. And we do we spend a lot of time focusing on that. Again, that’s not really the focus of this particular episode. But just know that that is absolutely possible. I think we’ve done some other episodes where we’ve we’ve covered a lot of that information about how to bring the passion back. And if not, we will make sure we do another one.

Céline Remy 10:23
So let’s go back to our definition we’ve given you what polarity is not the stages of love. Let’s now talk about what it is. What is polarity?

Kevin Anthony 10:32
Aha, okay, so it was important for us to get that out of the way of what it’s not because it’s often mistaken. So then the question does become, what exactly is it? The way that I always like to begin to approach the definition of what is polarity is if we take the term polarity, right, it’s talking about poles it’s really talking about, you know, magnets electrical energy, right. So

Céline Remy 10:59
Like, opposites forces.

Kevin Anthony 11:02
two opposite forces. Exactly. And so you know, with magnets, what happens if you try to put two of the same pole together, they actually repulse repel, they push each other away. If you take the two opposite poles and put it together, they stick together. That’s how magnets work. That’s why one side sticks together and the other side doesn’t, right? everybody’s familiar with magnets. So we don’t really have to drive that point home.

But the thing is, is it’s a perfect analogy for relationships between masculine energies and feminine energies. You can think of those masculine and feminine energies as the opposite poles. Now, I say opposite poles, I’m saying masculine and feminine energy for a couple of reasons. So I want to define a few things real quick before we get a whole bunch of hate from people.

The first thing I want to say is that you know when you think of magnets, people go it’s positive or negative and if you start weighting masculinity or femininity with the negative side instantly somebody gets bent out of shape and they’re like, Who are you calling negative? I’m not negative, right? We’re not calling anybody negative. It doesn’t have anything to do with that.

It’s a label we just call one positive negative. Don’t think of it in terms of a good thing or a bad thing. It’s not that it’s not good or bad. It’s just positive, negative in electrical charge. That’s it. Second, do you want to cover the second one?

Céline Remy 12:25
Not good.

Kevin Anthony 12:26
Okay. Second is we’re talking about energies here masculine and feminine energies. So it may not be specific to a male or female, right? Because there can be physical males who identify with feminine energy. There may be physical females who identify with masculine energy. One thing that you have probably noticed is if you look at pretty much every same-sex couple, you’ll see that one person tends to take the masculine role and one person tends to take the feminine role.

I mean, it just does, I don’t think they’re doing it on purpose. And I don’t think they’re consciously thinking like, I’m going to be the man and I’m going to be the woman. It’s just sort of the way that the energy between the two of them naturally sets itself up. And I’ve observed this many, many times. So we’re not specifically saying it has to be you know, masculine is always man and feminine is always a woman. So we’re talking about energies here that can be present in any combination of two women together with two men together with a man and a woman together,

Céline Remy 13:36
right. I also want to bring another point here is we have core energy. It tends to be that women tend to be more of their core feminine. And that men, most of the men, their core energy is masculine. It doesn’t mean that you can’t explore the other energy. However, what I’ve seen is when I am in my masculine because I can be in my masculine energy, no problem.

At the end of the day, I feel tired. I feel overwhelmed or just too much things, it drains me. When I do things that support more of my feminine energy, I have energy, I can keep going. And so you can do either one and you can shift. But there is one energy that tends to be more natural and a refueling energizing. That just works better.

Kevin Anthony 14:35
And this is a good point that you bring up is that we all have both masculine and feminine energies in us. That’s another thing that people often complain about when you start having. Yeah, but I can be feminine or I can be masculine, or I could Yes, absolutely. You can because we have both of those energies within us.

But just like Celine just said, there tends to be one that is more dominant. There always is here, either dominant, more masculine or your dominant, more feminine. And of course, there are exceptions to everything right? There are undoubtedly some people who feel perfectly even across both, but they’re not the norm. Right. And one of the things is when you talk about a controversial subject, you will always get those people that come to you, and wants to give you the outlier cases to prove their point, right.

They’re gonna come to you and they’re gonna say, well, I knew somebody wants my brother sisters, cousins, whatever, who was like totally bald, you know? And it’s like, yes, we understand that can happen, but they are called what they are what is called outliers. They’re not the norm, the majority of people.

Céline Remy 15:41
And so remember, there’s an optimal for you, and our show today is about the secret to creating powerful lasting attraction in your relationship. So polarity is essential. If you want to have a long-lasting attraction. That’s the bottom line. You can choose to be the feminine energy, the masculine energy to shift through our life, and stuff like that. But without polarity, there is no long-lasting attraction,

Kevin Anthony 16:09
right? So now if we go back to our analogy of the magnets, right, what holds two magnets together? How do they stay together? Because you got the opposite poles attracting each other. And I love that analogy so much because you’re right, you can definitely get into your masculine you, you get into your masculine more than I would say get into my feminine Mm-hmm. And what do we notice when that happens?

Céline Remy 16:37
cockfighting

Kevin Anthony 16:40
that’s what we call I mean, we’re fortunate enough that we don’t really have arguments but what does happen is when you get very much into your masculine, you start competing with me and my masculine right? And this is what guys do, right? So if you look at when guys get together, the types of things they do versus when women get together and again, we’re talking generalities here.

So don’t bite our heads off but when men get together What do they want to do? They want to primarily do competitive things right? And even if they’re just sitting around drinking a beer and telling stories, what do they do? I’m gonna outdo your story with my story because my story is even cooler than your story right? We’re competitive in nature, right? whereas women when they get together in groups, they tend to be more collaborative in nature.

And so what happens is when you get two masculine polarities together like that, they butt heads, they butt heads and they start to like you know, second-guessing each other and trying to tell the other one what to do and competing for you know, everything yeah,

Céline Remy 17:37
and at the end of the day, you exhausted because you had to fight all day long and you’re not attracted to one another. The last thing on your mind is having sex you just kind of want to be left alone. Basically be in your cave and be like, Don’t talk to me talk to the hand.

Kevin Anthony 17:52
Exactly, but let’s talk about the other side of that. What happens when two female energies Yeah, together

Céline Remy 17:59
Um, I think Something different can happen is that you get into the emotional things, and let’s process and that’s starting to length into this big emotional journey that we undertaking all together during this lifetime. And then we have more processing to do you know, and more on top of that, you know, and it’s exhausting.

Kevin Anthony 18:24
It is and what you’ll notice tends to happen is, you don’t really get anywhere with it, right? Mm-hmm. Because you’re now you’re at the opposite see what the two masculines they come together, they’re trying to out-compete each other to get to some sort of, you know, destination or outcome. But when you get the two female energies together, now you got two people who are just sitting there in their story, you know, going around and around talking, talking, talking, but never actually really come to any sort of conclusion direction outcome.

Right. And what’s beautiful is I know some people are thinking When they’re listening to that going, Oh, like two women can’t make a decision? Of course, they can. Of course, they can. Yes, of course, they can. Right. Again, we’re talking generalities, but we’re talking about how the energies tend to coexist with each other.

Céline Remy 19:16
So I want to bring up an example to drive this home to you listening for all our women listeners right now, how many times have you said, I wish he would open up emotionally to me if only my partner could be a little bit more emotional or you want to find your next partner to be this emotional guy that you dream is going to be the holy grail of all man’s right? When you finally get to experience that you have a man who sits down with you and starts to open up emotionally for the first few minutes like this is great.

within five minutes of this, you’re like, Holy moly, can he finally shut up so we can move on to something else? These are the exact words that we’ve heard numerous times from numerous female friends who have acknowledged that you thank you You want that emotional, you want an emotional connection. We’re not saying a man can’t talk about the emotions. What are we talking about is the person who wallows in their emotions and is constantly into that process.

She will look at him and no longer be attracted. And what happens is once the man steps down, the woman, usually by default will step it up and step into her masculine. Because we women are very, very good at doing that we pick up the slack, we step into our masculine, and this is how everything gets to balance this.

Kevin Anthony 20:35
That’s a fascinating thing. I want to talk about that. And then I want to bring another story to help illustrate this but what you just said is I find fascinating because here’s the thing if you have two people that are very masculine energies, and then it’s pretty rare, it happens because there are definitely reverse polarity couples, but like if you have a guy who’s genuinely very mad masculine, and you have a woman who is also very masculine, the man doesn’t tend to then go into his feminine, they just tend to butt heads and fight constantly, right?

But in the scenario where you have two very feminine, the woman will often I would say the majority of the time, step up into masculine and be like, I’m gonna get shit done. He’s not stepping up he’s not doing it. I’m going to and we see that all a lot.

Céline Remy 21:28
So needless to say that in neither one of these scenarios, there’s no passion that lasts. You’re not creating this polarity this attraction and passion for a long time.

Kevin Anthony 21:38
Yeah, and I want to give one more story to help illustrate that. So recently a friend of ours, she’s a single mom, she’s got, two kids. Her husband died a few years ago, and her son now is of that age where he’s he’s just graduating high school and he’s like really stepping into his masculine. He doesn’t have a really strong mask. figure in his life. It’s not his fault, it’s not anybody’s fault. Shit happens in life, right?

So she asked me if I would take him to a shooting range. And I thought, yeah, absolutely I would, I’d love to be there and help him and God, it was something he was interested in doing. He kept asking her over and over and over again. So I’m like, he needs a strong male figure. Mm-hmm. I take them to the shooting range. I’m teaching him and, you know, while he’s practicing, after, you know, we did a whole class and lesson and all that.

I’m just having a conversation with her while we’re observing him. And she was kind of surprised because of the community around here. Like, shooting isn’t necessarily considered something that a lot of people would be okay with.

Céline Remy 22:49
We live in California.

Kevin Anthony 22:50
Yeah, exactly. You need we say anymore. So she was just asking me about that. And I kind of haven’t started having a conversation. With her about, you know, masculinity and what that means, and you don’t need to shoot guns to be masculine, but it’s just talking about some ways in which I sort of express my masculinity.

And in that conversation, I actually said to her something along the lines of what we’re talking about, I mentioned to her, the fact that when a guy doesn’t embrace masculinity, that he’s not really attractive if he spends too much time wallowing in his emotions and not being strong and stepping up and all that. And what’s funny is her reaction. Now, honestly, I had no idea how she was going to react to this. She could have been like, you are completely full of shit.

No, I really don’t know. She, she sat there. She shook her head up and down to everything I was saying. And she goes, You know what? I hate to admit it, but you’re absolutely right. She’s like, I totally lose attraction for guys when they do that, huh?

Céline Remy 23:59
That’s powerful. So let’s do a quick recap here. So now that we’ve been talking about polarity, we know it’s the force of attraction between the masculine and feminine energy. It’s a magnetic current that runs between the two beings and makes sex super potent. You know, it’s one element sex is quite, quite important in a relationship. Remember that gender doesn’t dictate whether you should be masculine or feminine.

Usually, it’s it does mean you one or the other, but you can shift right, whether you’re homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, I mean, we’ve had polarity your relationship will dry up in the long run. One of the things that people have used to describe polarities that oh one is active and one is passive because you have like the penetration one and the reception one.

And I want to say a reframe is that both of these are active roles. There’s not one that superior net or not or positive-negative, like what Kevin was saying. Those are both Active roles whether you are the receptor or the giver or the penetrator in that sense, right

Kevin Anthony 25:06
we’ve got to stop associating good in bad yes with positive negative Active Passive or any of those other things.

Céline Remy 25:13
Absolutely. This is really important if that’s one thing you’re taking from today’s show that should be it. And really if we were to boil down to one word for each one of this masculine-feminine energy polarity it would come down to presence for the masculine and radiance for the feminine

Kevin Anthony 25:30
Yeah, those are cool words.

Céline Remy 25:32
And I think like these really work when you think about it, what most women want in a man is a man who can be present who has a presence it’s the number one trait that every woman wants. We’ve done surveys with people everywhere. radiance is really what men are attracted to towards women and not just men, even women. What do you see when you see it’s not you? It’s the radiance that comes that we mostly associate with you, but you can have it even in your later years. So this is really important to know.

So now we’re going to get into you know how polarity shows up and things to do like like I think we have like nine different ways to do to increase the polarity. But before that, we want to invite you to our Platinum program. So if you’re longing for deeper levels of sexuality coupled with emotional intimacy, spirituality, and just true connection, then our sexual power and passion VIP program is for you. This next-level intimacy coaching for the modern couple is designed to help you bring the passion back between the sheets and beyond.

This 90-day program is truly for the couple that does not want to live a life of average and wants to be synched up sexually so that they can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. And yes, polarity is a big thing in that so you can find more about our Platinum program at kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion. We’d love to support you and we love to get on a call with you. So go kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion

Kevin Anthony 27:05
So here’s the thing I know we’re pretty deep into this episode already, and we still have a lot to go. We generally try to keep our episodes a certain length, but I’m suggesting right now at this moment that since this is our 100th episode if we go a little longer than we usually do, so be it.

Céline Remy 27:26
We will see. I agree. It’s so important. We have to give that yeah. So let’s start talking a little bit about how does the lack of polarity shows up? So if you don’t have polarity, what happens in your relationship?

Kevin Anthony 27:41
Yeah, so it’s all great. Everything that we’ve talked about. It’s important information, but like when the rubber hits the road, how do you know if you have polarity and you don’t have polarity? We’ve already explained that it’s not that chemical rush that you get at the beginning of a new relationship. So if it’s not that then how do we know well, there are signs there are things that you can look for. So first let’s talk about how a lack of polarity manifests.

Céline Remy 28:04
So you can see if you’re experiencing that. Yeah. So number one is

Kevin Anthony 28:11
it’s bored or frustrated with your sex life. So your sex life basically becomes dull. You don’t have that passion anymore. You don’t look at each other like ravenous animals that you just want to tear each other apart. Right? Yeah.

Céline Remy 28:24
And let’s be clear, we don’t do that every day. But we still have our moments.

Kevin Anthony 28:27
Oh, I look at you like that every day, every day. Even if I don’t act on it every day. Oh, that’s

Céline Remy 28:32
hot. pursuit he pursued me.

Kevin Anthony 28:37
Exactly.

Céline Remy 28:40
I’m blushing. If you’re watching this video, you’ll know.

Kevin Anthony 28:45
All right, next one is when you’re

Céline Remy 28:47
stuck kind of in what we call the friend zones. You know when you like, like more like roommates than anything else or like besties with best friends and we do everything together but have sex.

Kevin Anthony 28:58
I’m so glad that we put this on the list. Because so many times people say, I don’t understand why I’m always in the friend zone Hmm, this is why you’re in the friendzone. Because you have not cultivated a polarity with this person that you want to be with. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 29:17
And this happens also in long term relationships. We’ve had numerous couples that came to us saying, like, We’re best friends, and they come to us because they no longer have that polarity in the bedroom. And we want to bring that back, we have the love, we have the friendship, we’re just missing that attraction and passion. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 29:33
but you know, in those situations, if you really dig down and you go all the way back through the history of the relationship, you almost every time learned that they never actually had polarity. What they had was that chemical attraction in the beginning that wore off and then it was gone. And then it was X number of years later that they finally decided to do something about it, and try to build some actual polarity.

Céline Remy 29:56
Another sign that you’re experiencing a lack of polarity is When you don’t get your needs met, and you constantly thinking that you’re not getting what you need, you’re not getting what you want. Like there’s this like, it’s not enough. It’s not working. I’m not getting what I need.

Kevin Anthony 30:10
But here’s the thing. So when we say not getting your needs met, the first thing most people probably think of is their sexual needs. I’m not getting enough sex enough blowjobs enough kind of link is whatever it is, right? That could be what we’re talking about a part of it, but not necessarily you see in any type of relationship, or should we say partnership just to help illustrate what we’re talking about here. You have things that you need to help each other with, right.

And one of the things about polarity is that there are certain roles that men tend to gravitate towards and certain roles that women tend to gravitate towards. And the thing is, they’re not locked in stone. Right? So it’s not like the man always has to do the stinky trash or the woman always has to do the cooking. No, that’s not it. But you will notice if you pay attention that you do tend to gravitate towards certain tasks or it’s like Rondo and Sierra, who we actually had on this show, they talked about a thing called keeper rolls, right? where they’ve decided that they would take responsibility, each one of them would keep certain responsibilities in the relationship.

So that’s their role. They’re the keeper of making sure they get places on time or they’re the keeper of, you know, the house or whatever it is, right? And you’ll notice that you tend to gravitate towards certain roles. Now, Selena and I, we laugh we joke all the time because the roles that we just naturally gravitate towards are exactly your stereotypical male-female roles. We don’t do that on purpose. We’re not like Well, that’s because what I’m supposed to do and that’s what she’s supposed to do. It’s actually what we enjoy.

Céline Remy 31:55
Yes. What makes us happy how we can distress

Kevin Anthony 31:57
exactly so you know, we laugh because, on a weekend, I’ll be like, you know, in the garage, you know, sanding down the rusty table on the back porch and refinishing it. And I’m actually enjoying that. It’s like, that’s like you said, it’s a stress relief for me. Like, I’m happy to be out here or, you know, building something out of wood for the garden or fixing the hole in the drywall or whatever, I actually enjoy that kind of stuff. Whereas you could do it you could absolutely do it. But you don’t really like doing it like your idea of a relaxing Saturday is not necessarily to be fixing holes in drywall. You know,

Céline Remy 32:38
I just say that it just says I prefer to wear my pink apron and bake cookies and, you know, come up with new recipes that I could try out. That’s more fun to me, right. So

Kevin Anthony 32:49
why do we bring all of this up? Well, because we’re talking about not getting your needs met and by needs. What we see a lot in a relationship is if a woman would rather be wearing Her pink apron and making sure that she is making a great meal for lunchtime. But things need to be done like the door doesn’t work. The hole is in the drywall, the table is rusty and she cut her toe on it the last time they were having lunch on it.

And those things need to be done. If he’s not stepping up and doing those things, she’s going to feel like she’s not getting the support in the relationship that she needs. Yes, and vice versa. It can go the other way too.

Céline Remy 33:30
And this will erode the relationship, obviously. And so another thing that you can know is if you start having things like Oh, I wish I wish my man would step up more, you know, so if you have this kind of footfalls, I wish he would take charge. I

Kevin Anthony 33:45
wish he would make some decisions. I wish he would do things without me having to ask him to do that. Exactly.

Céline Remy 33:50
Or as you’re thinking if only my women would just like give me more respect. Like, treat me like a king tell me that I’m weird. She loves me that I’m Great, I’m doing a good job. I’m a provider like acknowledging that side and

Kevin Anthony 34:03
recognizing all the times he does step up rather than just criticizing all the times that he doesn’t.

Céline Remy 34:11
If you feel like you’re going through life really busy, you know all the time, you don’t have time to connect, that’s another time you like you not cultivating that polarity. Or if you start to treat your relationship more as a corporation, a business entity, rather than a relationship that you cultivate. So

Kevin Anthony 34:30
See, the thing is, how those last two that you just read, some people might be thinking, well, how does that really mean lack of polarity, it means lack of polarity because if you had the polarity, you would make it a priority to spend time to do those things. No matter how busy you are. When that polarity is there, that attraction is there. It’s on your mind and you’re going I know I got a lot of stuff to do. But I need to make time for this because yeah, this is essential. Exactly.

Céline Remy 34:56
So now let’s get into how polarity should No zap because, hey, let’s get to like the juicy stuff now.

Kevin Anthony 35:03
Oh, yes. Okay, so the first one is one that I really like to talk about a lot. And it’s, we kind of already sort of talked about it a little bit, but it’s what I call equity, not equality. And so what does that mean exactly? Well, in any quality type relationship, it means that I take out the trash, you know, 50% of the 50% of the time and you take it out 50% of the time you do 50% of the cooking, I do 50% of the cooking, everything is divided half and half, it’s like, you know, you’re going to clean half the house is going to clean the other half of the house.

In theory, it sounds great. But it doesn’t cultivate polarity and it doesn’t actually meet both person’s needs to do it that way. Now, if it’s completely lopsided, and one person or the other is not stepping up, it’s gonna seem like a good idea because it’s like, well, somehow I got to get that needs men. But the reality is what you want to strive for is equity.

And with equity, it simply means that both people are pulling their own weight, so to speak, but they’re not necessarily doing all the same things. Right? So, equity might mean that you cook the meals, but I do the dishes, right? So that you don’t have to do all of the work.

Céline Remy 36:25
Absolutely. And so what that creates is a sense that you both contributing equally in a sense into the relationship. So there’s no frustration here that’s being built up, you have a sense of like, wow, we all doing contributing in a way that contributes to the relationship

Kevin Anthony 36:46
and you’re contributing in ways where you’re best utilizing your skills, right? Like, I’m a pretty decent cook. Like I can cook stuff. I cook stuff for many years before you know it together. You even said some of them are good. But I’m not as good of a cook as you are. You’re far more creative. You do far more nuance in spices and flavors and things like that.

Céline Remy 37:11
Yeah, we would be eating the same free things over and over. If you were the cook

Kevin Anthony 37:14
well, I probably would have expanded by now. But the point is, is that in an equitable situation, you utilize the strengths and talents of each person, right. So it, you know, if we said, we’re just going to make it equal, and you’re going to do half the meals, I’m going to do half the meals, well, half the meals would be really good and half the mass would only be so so. Right. But instead, you do most of the meals. I still do a few here and there. And I do most of the dishes clean up afterward.

Céline Remy 37:47
So another way about how polarity shows up, you know, you have polarity when sexual attraction lasts

Kevin Anthony 37:53
over the years. Oh, yes. Nice. That’s how you tell it’s not just those early chemicals. When You still have that attraction, past the 2-3-4 -5- 10 years and beyond mark, you know that you’ve got polarity. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 38:09
So I really want to share this with you here is that you must intentionally cultivate the differences in your relationship in order to have polarity. I know it sounds simple, but in our experience, this will not happen accidentally, you must create it. So cultivating those differences that Kevin was talking about. So if you have these in your relationship, that you are cultivating differences, but yet finding ways to come together, you have polarity. Mm-hmm.

Kevin Anthony 38:43
All right. And, you know, I just threw this in the end, like how does polarity show up because I just thought it was an important point to make. We spend so much time in our society, focusing on differences, but we do it in the wrong way. reasons, we focus on how the differences divide us.

Céline Remy 39:03
Mm-hmm.

Kevin Anthony 39:04
And one thing that I would love to reframe for society is that in many cases, these differences are actually what make us stronger. Mm-hmm. And in the, in the case of a relationship, I really feel that’s true. Now, obviously, there are some differences that if there, if you have differences in fundamental core values and things like that, that’s different.

But what we’re talking about here is the differences between what makes me a man a masculine man, and what makes you a feminine woman. those differences are actually what make us stronger because we can leverage the power of each one of those, the strengths of each one of those things can come together.

Céline Remy 39:47
Absolutely. And that’s when you become a power couple. And this is what we teach you. So we are going to give you nine ways, that things you can do. If you don’t polarity or if you have low polarity. So very quickly, you know basically if you have no polarity you basically having you friends, you know, you’re not really having sex, if you have like a medium type, like polarity, you might have some like attraction. But it’s a lot of work.

It’s not really flowing easily. If you have high polarity, you’re constantly attracted to each other and you’re in a supportive relationship. Congratulations if that’s you, but you also know that those are not happening by accident. It’s all the things that you do to create that. So even if you are in the third category, where you already have nice polarity, you want to know exactly the things that you can do to continue cultivating it. Because just like a plant, if you stop watering it, it will die. It will not survive.

Kevin Anthony 40:53
Yeah. And you know, it’s just an important point to make that you can cultivate it. It’s not an oops, we have We don’t Damn it, you know, you can cultivate it. Now the question that you might want to ask yourself at some point is if it takes so much work so much effort when you’re exhausted by constantly trying to create this polarity, you might want to consider whether or not this is the right relationship for you. But you can still create it, you can still do it, you can work on it, you can make it stronger. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 41:25
All right. So let’s start with our number one workout hard for you. If you’re a guy, you know, working out cultivating your masculine strength, your masculine power. And for women, yes, develop some of your strength too. But also focus on the aspect that’s more creative, like dancing or something that maybe is flowier. And I think it’s really important to have that balance because I think having the strength is awesome, but also have the grace and the charm.

Kevin Anthony 41:58
Yeah, so basically what it is Do things that cultivate what your dominant energy is. So if you’re dominantly a masculine man go do things that cultivate that masculinity.

Céline Remy 42:10
So I just went to a women’s circle and what did the women ask? We were in the circle and they were like, we went around and everyone had a chance to say what do I need? What do I want from my sisters? Everyone pretty much was like I just want to be touched or lay down have my hair stroke. I want to be heard to have a shoulder to cry on.

That’s the kind of request you get when you’re in a woman circle. You know, if that was a man, real men circle, it wouldn’t be a circle but a real men gathering. It’d be more like Yeah, let’s go on an adventure. Let’s go climb up this mountain and bond over that or let’s just sit and have a couple of beers while we talk about like anything on our minds. Do you know? That would be very different request what guys need most guys are like, I just need more guide time doing physical stuff.

Kevin Anthony 43:01
Yeah. And so if that’s what you need, go do it. Get into your masculine on a regular basis and cultivate that energy. If you’re a woman do things that allow you to drop into your feminine,

Céline Remy 43:13
and there’s not a one size fits all. And this is what we’ve been saying. It’s what works for you What makes you feel feminine? Hey, if riding a bike makes you feel feminine, then do it. Like I don’t care what it is. It’s about how you feel when you’re doing it. And also afterward, number two, praise and acknowledge her beauty and sexuality for the female part. You know, just more about like her. Yeah, the beauty board likes to see her she wants to be seen.

Oh, she does and for the masculine, grab his got and make him your hero. Right. So again, it’s just really seeing each energy here what do they need more like both like to be seen and appreciated, but in the way that it shows up for the feminine. It has more to do with her beauty. And for the guy, it’s more to do about he’s what he does or for his cock.

Kevin Anthony 44:08
Absolutely. Number three is an interesting one. Haha, it’s power play. So Power Play is generally a term used for you to know to play in the bedroom, but it’s where you actually play with these masculine and feminine energies. So that can show up in a lot of different ways.

Céline Remy 44:28
It could be like, pursue me run after me in the bedroom until you pin me down on the bed and have you weigh with me. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 44:37
that’s a good one.

Céline Remy 44:40
It could be like I

Kevin Anthony 44:41
give you a head start.

Céline Remy 44:43
We’re not quite done. There are less than nine things. It could be like, I’m gonna pretend I don’t know. I’m the seductress and like playing with that energy and you’re trying to charm the gods. Like it really likes, you just can play with these.

Kevin Anthony 45:04
So here’s the cool thing about power play. And this is why I like it on the list is because sometimes as a guy, maybe you’re afraid of being too masculine. You don’t want to be the dictator you don’t want to be, you know, imposing or maybe in the woman you don’t want to be seen as too soft or whatever it is. powerplay gives you the opportunity to try it on, in a safe environment.

We have an agreement that we’re just going to do this for this time frame for this moment. And we’re going to try it right. So then you get to put on your super suit and try it out. Right. It gives you permission to do that.

Céline Remy 45:44
I love it. Number four, you want to focus on nicknames that are bringing the sexiness so really drop the cutesy things you know all the babe I mean, well they can be cute. You don’t want to fuck a baby. You just don’t, unless you’re sick. But we don’t have to go there. But find names I didn’t write like a stud handsome, or like sexy beauty. Domestic goddess, like whatever that is.

Kevin Anthony 46:16
This is when we see a lot where women give guys little nicknames like, Oh, he’s such a cute little whatever. Or it’s mellow

Céline Remy 46:25
kitty bear.

Kevin Anthony 46:27
Yeah. And then, and even some of them. I don’t I can’t. I’m drawing a blank right now off the top of my head of some of the ones that we’ve heard recently because we did hear a couple recently. But, but basically it was women giving nicknames to men that basically make them like their child. Yes, it brings in that mother-son dynamic and it’s horrible for relationships.

Céline Remy 46:52
So you want to remember like nicknames that make you feel hot and sexy. And I mean, like the same when you call your husband or boyfriend stud. It’s much nicer than my teddy bear. I mean it to me like there’s so much more that gets activated in my body so think about that

Kevin Anthony 47:09
you want to cuddle with a teddy bear you want to get fucked properly by a stud exactly

Céline Remy 47:15
number five play with appreciation I’m doing this because it’s like you know it’s kind of my game that’s why I went straight for the number I know we’ve talked about this one so many times on the show if you’ve listened to this show, you have heard about our appreciation game which is all about appreciating like three things that you love about your partner and so when you do that you’re focusing on the positive you focusing on seeing them fully all this type of thing will increase the polarity. Absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 47:45
Number six, the starving lion. Haha. So I yeah, I think one day I just said to you is like I look at you like a starving lion staring at a piece of meat right like But don’t get offended. I don’t see her as just a piece of meat. But the idea is that that desire that level of desire, like you’re starving, and you’d look over that person, you’re like, yeah, that’s what I want.

Céline Remy 48:15
Yes. So

Kevin Anthony 48:16
as a guy, if you can bring that in the bedroom, that will go a long way and you stepping up your game and her like, really? If you do it, well, she feels it doesn’t just see it. She’s not seeing you pretending if you do it, well. She feels the energy of it, and it absolutely turns her on. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 48:36
Number seven is about finding ways to play game. A lot of trap that people get stuck in is we just communicate and talk a lot. But then we forget to really like to have fun with each other. So ask each other questions, makeup questions. You know, what dreams have you not yet realized in your life? Or what are you most proud of?

What do you love most about yourself like this type of question? And this will also create like you’ll see the places where you align as well as places where you’re different. Remember what we’ve said the polarity comes from creating a difference. That will help create that and go beyond just a surface talky noise that we get stuck in. So play this type of game and have fun with that.

Kevin Anthony 49:25
Right number eight, go on vacation or take a week off.

Céline Remy 49:31
Oh, do we need to say more? We really need to expand on that. I mean, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but anytime we go on vacation, we have more sex because we are more relaxed like anytime you can reduce your stress level you will also feel more sexual and that will help to cultivate that polarity. You’ll stop snapping at each other you’ll be kinder towards one another. I mean so many things. Unplug. just unplug even just for a weekend. It will directly relationship so much good.

Kevin Anthony 50:01
I would add to that to that it’s okay to take little mini-vacations on your own yes

Céline Remy 50:07
to create that sense of longing like, Oh, I haven’t seen you in two days I miss you. Absolutely. So go on a guy’s weekend or girls night or girls free day vans or whatever that is, cultivate that recharge yourself and then come back to the relationship. Mm-hmm. Number nine, spark your sense of adventure and creativity. And this is essential, essential, essential to do fun things together.

Again, also what’s awesome about going on adventures that usually our natural responses kick in. So Kevin will lead the way or do something on helped me on something that was difficult and you know, it creates again, that’s that dynamic that that polarity and when you focus on creativity and fun, you again, bring in more of that playfulness, creative sexual energy that ripples in everything that you do.

Kevin Anthony 51:05
Absolutely. Well, we covered a lot of ground. This is officially our longest episode ever, but it’s Episode 100 100.

Céline Remy 51:18
We are so glad that you stuck with us to the end. Congratulations. We hope that this episode was helpful. A lot of people have asked us to make a whole show on it. So this is it. Listen to it again and put everything in practice because having polarity will make a lasting attraction forever.

Kevin Anthony 51:40
Change it’ll literally change your life. If you can get this part down. Your relationships will be transformed forever and if you need help with it, reach out to us. We can help you identify where the polarities at and how to fix it and everything else. I’m telling you it will transform your life. All right. That’s all the time we have for this episode and we will see you on the other side of 100.

We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 52:18
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at selling remi.com forward slash vault. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 52:32
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 52:34
And remember, you’re amazing.