How To Become The Man You Want To Be

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 147. And it is titled How to Become the man you want to be. I think this is going to be a great conversation today. Because this is a subject that really, really needs to be talked about right now. I personally have watched the attack on masculinity and what it means to be a real man for years now.

Kevin Anthony 0:54
I have really seen a lot of pressure from society and from media and, and everywhere else to make men be something other than what men are. And I think it’s a big problem in society. It needs to change. So and I’ll talk about this later about how I’m doing things by opening up my coaching program to help change that.

Kevin Anthony 1:18
We have a special guest today who also does this work, who, from what I can tell him we’ll find out more because we haven’t actually interviewed him yet. But it seems like this is his mission in the world, too. So we’re gonna find out more about that.

Céline Remy 1:33
Purdeep the pressure is on you got to have to deliver, like, give us how to be a real man today because we women want men. And you know, it’s interesting, I’m very excited to be the woman in the conversation just to bring that point of view. Because I know too, that sometimes women think, oh, we want to have more sensitive guys and somebody who will be in touch with his emotions.

Céline Remy 1:58
And we don’t want to have this like natural so and it’s very interesting to find what is it that we really want because you want to have that sensitivity, but you still want to have that masculinity. We don’t want to kill it. Because I’ve been in a relationship where I fought, that’s what I wanted. And when it’s not there, it ain’t good. So we’re gonna tell we’re gonna be like, get really real about all of these things. Today, we’ve

Kevin Anthony 2:21
got some great stuff to talk about. Because one of the other things is that there’s this idea with men that they can’t be spiritual and be real men at the same time. So we have some great stuff to talk about in that regard to so let’s just get going.

Céline Remy 2:35
All right. All right. First, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out our mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer in the bedroom or increase your sexual skills as there is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 3:01
Our guest today is Purdeep Sangha. He is widely known as the strategist for business men and teaches men how to become the complete man who his personal mission is to help men grow their businesses massively increase their personal fulfillment in life, and improve their relationship with their wife and kids.

Céline Remy 3:22
He is the founder behind the movement of men becoming mindful alpha males who can’t wait to hear more about that. Men who experience complete victory and have it all Wow, this is gonna be juicy. Welcome for deep.

Purdeep Sangha 3:36
Thank you to you for having me. Sounds like an awesome podcast, especially that promo that you were talking about what is it? Power mastery?

Céline Remy 3:44
Yes, it is our own program. And we have awesome online courses for men to like, have them rock it in the bedroom.

Purdeep Sangha 3:52
Oh, that’s awesome.

Céline Remy 3:54
We’ll talk to you about it off the air. You know we can give you access to it. wink wink.

Kevin Anthony 4:04
Alright, so we’re just gonna dive right in because there is so much to talk about here. Now. This may be some of what we talked about maybe rather controversial given today’s climate, but it’s a conversation that really needs to be had. And actually, I kind of hope it is controversial. So we’ll see we’re gonna jump right in with the first question which is, in today’s day and age men are being raised and taught to be soft. Tell us from your point of view what you see the main problem with men is today.

Purdeep Sangha 4:35
Well, I see the biggest problem being men are confused. They’re completely confused in terms of what it means. So are they supposed to be masculine, not masculine, are they to mask and then not masculine enough? There’s no real baseline. And I think that’s one of the biggest challenges and that really comes from a lack of mentorship. I think what’s happened is because this generation now has been raised to be kind of iffy with their masculinity, where the previous generation was dealing with it, but they will kind of you can say pushing it away.

Purdeep Sangha 5:05
This generation now is actually growing up within the next generation, I think has is gonna have no clue what it means to be masculine. So it’s a combination of many things. One of the biggest challenges too is that a lot of families are being raised without masculine men today, or men being president at all. Over in the US, over 50% of families are being raised without full-time fathers.

Purdeep Sangha 5:28
And so we wonder why kids are getting this message and growing up this way, then you add on the media aspect, then you add on, you know, the feminist movement is still there, but it’s not as I would say, as a full throttle. But there’s, it’s, it’s an odd environment, I don’t know how to explain it. But it is just it’s almost like this hot topic that masculinity is bad, because we have this battle now, in the corporate world, that is between men and women.

Purdeep Sangha 5:56
So in the business world, and this, I think is a bigger challenge, because this is trickling into personal relationships. Because women have been oppressed for such a long time in the workforce, for example, and senior executive roles. Well, they’ve come up, but what’s happened now is that it’s it’s trickled into relationships, we don’t need to battle it out in relationships, in terms of, you know, who wears the pants and who doesn’t.

Purdeep Sangha 6:20
That’s where the bigger challenge is happening is a lot of this stuff in the corporate world is actually coming into personal and in the community into society. That’s the bigger danger.

Kevin Anthony 6:30
Yeah. And there are so many layers to what you just said, right? So, you know, I’m gonna say something that maybe you don’t necessarily want to say, because it is controversial, but I’m gonna say it because I don’t care. I love dropping truth bombs. But in my point of view, the first part of what you were talking about, about, you know, not knowing how to be men and so on. And I actually said this in the intro to this, this pressure to sort of toppling over masculinity, if you will.

Kevin Anthony 7:02
I think that that is a very deliberate and concerted effort by the powers that be to make men less masculine because people are easier to control when they are less masculine. Right? Because masking is, is who’s gonna step up and gonna say, No, that’s who’s gonna step up and fight back. And I’m not saying that women can’t do that, too. So before anybody who gets you know, their panties in a wad. Women can do that, too. But there is, and women have masculine energy as well, right? So I don’t want to exclude them.

Kevin Anthony 7:34
But in general, its masculine energy, whether it’s in the form of a man or woman is going to step up and say, No, we are not going to let you do that to us. So if you break that down, you break down the resistance of the very people that you’re trying to control. That’s a little bit of an aside, but I see that as being a driving factor towards that. They also want to destroy the family. So what’s a great way to destroy the family destroy the father?

Purdeep Sangha 7:58
Oh, I totally agree with you. I think there’s if you take a look at what’s kept families together for such a long time, and a key element of that has been family dinners. And family dinners have actually stopped. It’s they’re dissolved, many of them have dissolved. I think with COVID, one of the big positives is that family units have had to come together again and spend and be forced to spend time. So that’s one positive aspect that’s come out of this.

Purdeep Sangha 8:20
But you’re absolutely right. It’s a concerted effort, I believe. I don’t know what the ultimate agenda is. But if you have and this is why I do the work that I do. When you have strong men, you have stronger relationships, you have stronger family units, you have stronger communities, and you have a stronger nation and ultimately a stronger world. As a result of that. I do believe that right? Now we do need to step up, right?

Purdeep Sangha 8:43
Because it when men are in that state of being successful, being mindful of being alpha males, they are not at the point of it being just about me, me, me, it’s about giving. It’s about protecting our community, our families, and the people around us. And I don’t think that’s the way a lot of men have behaved during COVID. In particular, it’s been the I’m not gonna say all men, but it’s I’ve seen this camp where it’s kind of been like,

Purdeep Sangha 9:08
Okay, well, let me just hoard everything I can let me get my guns, and let me protect my family and whatever it is, where the opposite side has been. Okay, let me see who I can help. Right. Let me see what neighbors I can help what community members I can help. Let me see how I can help my nation, that’s where we need to be. But a man needs to be comfortable with himself and his masculinity to be able to get there.

Purdeep Sangha 9:27
That’s where the whole concept of the mindful alpha male comes in. So long story short, I completely agree with you. We need stronger family units, and that comes from having stronger, more masculine men.

Kevin Anthony 9:38
Absolutely. And I don’t want to spend too much time going down what the agendas or causes are. I mean, most people can either figure that out for themselves or we can have another conversation about that. But what I really want to address is so what effect is that having on men and families and relationships and then what do we do about it? Right?

Kevin Anthony 9:58
So We’ve sort of covered this already. But I want to ask it anyway, just in case, there’s something that’s sort of missing, which is, you know, what do you think is contributed to these problems? So we’re seeing this change, like, what are some of the driving factors. So we talked about, you know, the workforce, but I know there are others.

Purdeep Sangha 10:16
Oh, there are others, too. There are things like our legal system, it’s changing slowly. But it’s happening where women have the upper hand when it comes to, let’s just say, a divorce. And so women can leave. And this is one of the biggest things that I see in a lot of men’s relationships, they’ll try to be as masculine as they can, but they have the women are, are raised to be more masculine now.

Purdeep Sangha 10:38
And so when a man wants to step up, and just to say, and I don’t mean this in a belligerent way, or a controlling way, but put his foot down and say, no, this is not how our family or our relationship is going to operate, we need to do things differently. He’s easily threatened and said, Well, okay, maybe I’ll just see you later, I’ll take half of what you’re worth. And I’ll take the kids, and you can do with what you have there.

Purdeep Sangha 10:59
And we know through the legal system, that is a big chance, if I talk to most of my clients, eight out of 10 guys are struggling in their relationship in some way, shape, or form. And not that they’re, they don’t need to change things. There are definitely behaviors and habits and belief systems that they need to adjust. But for the most part, they’re doing everything they can to make the relationship work and be successful. And they’re working their butts off because they want to provide for themselves, their wives, and their kids.

Purdeep Sangha 11:28
And the lifestyle, like they are sacrificing themselves for their families. But they feel like their relationship is a struggle like they’re, they’re not able to, you can say, lead the direction for their family, and a lot of them are afraid to leave the relationship for this very reason or say smarten up, do things differently. And I’m gonna speak for myself, for example, this is my personal experience. My wife and I had a really great relationship at the beginning.

Purdeep Sangha 11:55
And then it became a little bit more challenging. Because my wife was raised by a single mother, her parents were divorced father got remarried, has had his own family wasn’t really in the picture after that. And my mother-in-law had raised my wife to be more masculine, you don’t need a man to get an education get a really good job, and don’t depend on a man. Well, I didn’t see that until we really got into the relationship.

Purdeep Sangha 12:19
But what ended up happening was even knowing everything that I knew I kind of started to, let’s just say be a little bit too cooperative. And, and I became, I shifted from more of my masculine side to more of my feminine side, and I have, I have a balance in between, because I grew up understanding this and knowing this, but even I allowed myself to be shifted too much to the point where our relationship was imbalanced, or unbalanced, I should say.

Purdeep Sangha 12:47
And when I, I finally said, and my fear with that was, okay, if I do something here, because I know her mother, she just jumps on every single thing that happens, and she plugs, whatever she can into my wife’s ear. That’s a very delicate situation. And if I step up, and I say anything, you know, she may walk out the door with the kids, because we’ve had these conversations before.

Purdeep Sangha 13:11
And it wasn’t till the moment that I said, I’m okay. Losing half or more of what I’m worth, I’m okay with her taking the kids, because I’d rather be the man that I want to be and stand up for my values and stand up for what I believe in, than be worried about this happening. And it was at that moment, that our relationship changed.

Purdeep Sangha 13:33
Because that moment, that she started to shift her behavior as well, boom, that’s what I want to say,

Kevin Anthony 13:39
Boom, that is a huge boom, when you finally come to that realization, that’s massive. How many men are out there right now?

Kevin Anthony 13:49
Like, teetering back and forth and can’t quite make that shift. And that is such a huge and important shift. So congratulations to you for being able to do that. So, so What effect did that have? Tell us? You know, the next part of that is like you made that shift, and then boom, how did you see things shift and change?

Purdeep Sangha 14:07
Yeah, absolutely. So you know, we have to work together in the relationship. That was the biggest thing and get her to understand that I am not her enemy. And this is a big challenge that’s happening in the media, right? Because, and social media, men, and women are being portrayed as opposing enemies versus working together. And that just I don’t get the sense of that. Well, long story short, we worked through and I said, Okay, I’m going to take lead to this family.

Purdeep Sangha 14:33
That’s the way it is. And if you want to jump on board, you can jump on board, otherwise, I’m good at doing it myself. And she actually saw that I was serious that I loved her. Then I was there to provide for her and give her everything that I wanted. She saw that I worked my butt off for my family that I put them on as the number one priority.

Purdeep Sangha 14:51
And so it was almost like a relief for her because now she could step back into her feminine because she was taught for such A long period. And she even said that she’s like, this is a relief because now she can just not disregard but put everything that her mom has taught her for such a long period on the sidelines, and so her mother was no longer able to get in between us that easily, for example.

Kevin Anthony 15:19
Alright, so I know you have to comment. You can’t just sit there and not say anything like tell us from your point of view. How does that resonate with you? What do you feel about that? As far as the sense of relief? As far as you know, if the masculine isn’t there? Do you have to step up? Like, tell us? Yeah, absolutely.

Céline Remy 15:36
So I’m going to say like when Pradeep you were sharing about your story, when you were describing the moment, when you said you had no more fear of losing her and losing half of you were for whatever else, like literally inside me, I got turned on. And I was like this is the kind of men that I think that this is what we want as women.

Céline Remy 15:54
Now I’m also somebody who’s a strong, independent woman, but I’m also very feminine and had to work on these two things to learn that you can be strong and you get doesn’t mean that because your husband or your boyfriend, your partner, however, the title you give this person is strong doesn’t mean you are less strong. And again, that we don’t have to constantly be like sword fighting. And that we can play to our best strength.

Céline Remy 16:20
And so one of the biggest challenges that I see that women have to learn is, how can I still be strong, but also find that softness. And again, like that partnership, that dance of the masculine and feminine, and that when we operate so much in our masculine, we can do it because if men don’t do it, we will pick it up because somebody has to do the job. But ultimately, it depletes us, it makes us tired, it’s not our true nature. And while we can do it doesn’t mean that it’s sustainable in the long term.

Céline Remy 16:51
And that place that you can come to where you can finally let go. And surrender will transpire in all the different areas of your life sure in your relationship, but also in the bedroom in the quality of your orgasms and in how you can open up and blossom and have more joy in your life and how you feel less tired and stressed out how you become a better mother a better lover, I mean, so many things that could go on and on.

Céline Remy 17:12
And that place you can only access it, I think through that partnership of that masculine and feminine, it took us stepping it up. It took her seeing you and accepting you in this and then seeing that it didn’t take anything away from her and she could so let go. And then you both came into your power. And this is really what we see as being a power couple.

Purdeep Sangha 17:35
Yeah, I totally agree. I think that that’s where it comes together. It’s that having that healthy balance of the masculine, feminine and the balance has shifted, the balance has shifted to the opposite side. But we’re also getting into this, this society of being neutral. Like this gender neutrality thing, and I’m not talking about you know, sexual preferences, everybody has a right to their own, everybody I think should be treated as human beings we right and not is discriminated against.

Purdeep Sangha 18:03
But to say that, you know, because you’re a man, you can’t say, you know, him or, you know, her or she or whatever it is it is it’s becoming so confusing for people these days. And it’s like, a neutral society is boring. Yes. My dad actually said something long, long time ago. I still remember to this day because it was funny. This was before the term was even being used is.

Purdeep Sangha 18:32
We were talking about a friend of ours, and he wasn’t in a relationship with a man or a woman. And we were just talking and my dad made the comment. Yeah, he’s neutral. And we just started laughing because yeah, like we just couldn’t figure it out as he would just wasn’t going one way or the other way. He was just totally neutral. And that’s how we’re seeing just society. When you have a neutral society, it’s boring. There’s no attraction.

Purdeep Sangha 18:56
And I obviously can tell from what you two away teaching is you need that attraction. You need that draw, you need that magnetism for things to work and a relationship and just in life

Kevin Anthony 19:10
absolutely is. So we use the term polarity, right? Everything in this world is based on polarity, you could say that we live in a dualistic world. And it’s not just the world as an Earth, but like, all of creation is based on this dualistic nature. And those two opposites actually attract.

Kevin Anthony 19:29
So you need that spark. You need that polarity, that difference. That is the spice of life. That is what actually creates life and what makes life worth living. So when you get into that neutral space, everything’s just sort of blah, and nothing is really exciting and nothing really amazing ever gets created. And it’s all just mush. Yeah.

Céline Remy 19:56
So I’m curious. I want to maybe quickly before we Get more again into some different things that men can do. But I was curious about, what do you think the downsides of the women’s lib movement are? Because you briefly touched on it. And I just wanted to bring it up there because I think there’s still this confusion with women where we’re like, I’m a feminist, or I’m even hearing like men saying, I’m a feminist.

Céline Remy 20:19
you know, and I’m kind of like, this is kind of very strange to her, how can you be a guy and a feminist? And like, a feminist? Like, I mean, Are you a loving woman? Or are you like, against smash? Or are you smashing men? Like, what does that mean? Really? So I’m just a little bit curious about your opinion about women’s labor here.

Purdeep Sangha 20:36
You know what, I love that because interesting enough, when I have most of the people, they’ll judge based on the title of my podcast, for example, the male entrepreneur or the complete man, and, and they’ll judge and be like, Okay, this is totally like, sexist, what, you know, what is a chauvinist, for example, and the interesting thing, it’s about half and half, it’s about half from women and a half from men.

Purdeep Sangha 20:58
And when I’ll make comments whether it’s on social media, for example, and it’s because my audience is men, and it’s not because I disrespect women, but I’m speaking to men. So I will say things like your wife, or I will say things like the complete men, or as a businessman, and men will, I’ll have some men that say, well, you should include women in this.

Purdeep Sangha 21:22
And that’s when I laugh inside, I don’t even engage, because I know who wears the pants and that man’s relationship and those men’s relations, I could already tell what’s happening in their lives. So I feel bad for them already, just because they’re making a comment, I can pretty much pinpoint where their how their life is going. So we men are confused with that.

Purdeep Sangha 21:42
They think because they’re sticking up for women, that it’s the right thing to do. But I don’t think anybody is putting women down from that perspective. When they talk about specifically for men, interesting enough, we get, we get half of our referrals from women, for our business, where they’re saying, Please, help these guys in my life, whether it’s my partner, my business partner, whoever it is, and I was our biggest supporter.

Purdeep Sangha 22:09
So a lot of them are from women, majority of the feedback that we get about my book is from when women, I hear from women all the time, thank God, there are so many resources out there for women and women’s groups, and so forth. I’m glad it’s finally nice to see something specifically for men. So I think women are stepping up as well, and, and saying, you know, what, they’re not comfortable with this anymore.

Purdeep Sangha 22:34
They’re seeing the challenges that it’s brought, a lot of women are saying, I need my man to man up. So there, they’re seeing this, they’re seeing this. The other side, too, is we know, and there are men that have talked about this for a while, and I, I’m not gonna mention their names, but they’ve we’ve had open conversations, these are men who are in, let’s just say, the public light. And they have challenges sometimes, because a lot of the powerful, you can say executives and media, a lot of them are women.

Purdeep Sangha 23:08
And if you bring forward a topic that specifically about men, they will cut it down. And so these men have told me openly, they said, You know what, to try to talk about this topic and certain media outlets, for example, it’s dead, it’s a dead-end because it won’t go anywhere. Because again, there’s this fight at the corporate level between men and women. It’s a bigger challenge from that perspective.

Purdeep Sangha 23:35
And I think that needs to be addressed as well, because now I saw it in the corporate world before I loved was they were forcing boards, for example, to take on women, they were forcing, forcing executive teams to take on women because they were women. Now I’m all for that. I’m all for diversity. But I’m not for putting policies in place and hiring a woman over a man just because she’s a woman, I do believe it should be the best candidate,

Kevin Anthony 24:02
whether it’s a man or woman, of course, well, that’s reverse sexism, right? That’s all that it is, is choosing somebody specifically because of their gender, regardless of which gender it is, is sexism. It’s the same thing of what’s going on today is choosing somebody because of their skin color, regardless of what skin color that is doesn’t matter which direction it goes in. It’s still racism, right? Yeah. So that’s, that’s really, not the solution.

Kevin Anthony 24:25
And I keep wondering, like, at what point does society realize that when the pendulum is out of balance on this side, that swinging it all the way over to the other side is not the solution, right? Because if you had, and we have to admit that we did have a society at one point that was absolutely male-dominated, and that was excluding women. There’s no escaping that history.

Kevin Anthony 24:49
But to swing all the way back to the other side. Now when the women are in control, and they specifically won’t even allow you to talk about men’s issues. Well, that’s just the same thing but in reverse, and it doesn’t solve a problem, we need to come more into the middle where we can both have open discussions about this stuff.

Purdeep Sangha 25:06
Yeah, I couldn’t agree more. I think that’s ultimately what it is we have to work together rather than opposing each other.

Kevin Anthony 25:11
Yes. All right, well, so it’s time actually to take a quick break and read our next sponsor ad. I actually kind of forgot because I was so carried away.

Kevin Anthony 25:26
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Kevin Anthony 25:55
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Kevin Anthony 26:15
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Céline Remy 26:39
rule, the link will be in the description. That’s right. So Purdeep if you have something very unique that I’ve wanted to talk about because in our pre-interview you mentioned your father who was a spiritual man, and also was in the Indian Army. So it’s like when you think about like, oh, spiritual, and warlike, like, how do these things go together? How did he manage both of those two things?

Purdeep Sangha 27:05
Yeah, so interesting. That was actually my grandfather. So my dad was actually a police officer, okay, but also had a lot of the spiritual aspects too. So he could read our spiritual Bible, which very few people can read because it’s in Sanskrit and mixed with different languages. But my grandfather was in the army for three-plus decades, the Indian British Army, but his father was a spiritual teacher for 50 years.

Purdeep Sangha 27:33
So my great grandfather, so my grandfather grew up with this. He grew up with spirituality he grew up with, we talked about energies, for example, a lot of the Indian practices. And he was living both the dualities, he was in a war, and fighting and killing. And on the opposite side practice practicing spirituality, which was really interesting.

Purdeep Sangha 27:59
But actually, at that time, a lot of men in the Indian Army were doing that, and specifically men who have Sik background, because they’re their spiritual, but they’re also warriors.

Purdeep Sangha 28:11
So it’s that whole concept of spiritual war. So when he immigrated over to Canada, he was he taught me so many things he taught me, okay, your word is your bond doesn’t matter. That’s where I learned it from. He said, The only thing that you have as a man is your prints are your values and your principles because people can take away your money, they can take away your certifications, they can take away your home, they can even take the shirt off your back, they can take the family members away from you because he saw all of that during more.

Purdeep Sangha 28:38
But he said the one thing they can’t take away from you as a man are your values and your principles. So have strong ones, protect them and live by them. And those words stuck with me because my grandfather was the most interesting person, I would say, I know, he knew five different languages. So he’s educated, was the toughest guy I knew, but he wasn’t a very big man, but very disciplined, but also very spiritual, woke up every day in the morning, four o’clock and did his prayers.

Purdeep Sangha 29:04
And in the evening, he did his prayers, and taught me about spirituality taught me about compassion, taught me about you could say the two sides of living life, you can say and I think this is where we, as men sometimes don’t always embrace we see the tough side, but we don’t always embrace the spiritual side. And that was very powerful for me. Because that’s I think that allowed me to see things from a different light growing up.

Kevin Anthony 29:32
Yeah, those are some very powerful words and concepts. I hope the men listening to this really heard that, because that, that is a very powerful teaching. So I think this is it’s so important to, to tell that story. I think pretty because we see it for sure here in Southern California, but there’s definitely this idea that if you’re going to be a spiritual guy, you can’t be that warrior, you know, you’ve got to be the softy, you’ve got to be the one that’s always How can I help you and you don’t want to step on anybody’s toes and you spend most of your time meditating or eye gazing eye gaze.

Kevin Anthony 30:14
And then they will actually look down on and frown upon men in the community who have more of those masculine values, maybe they, maybe they practice some sort of martial arts, or they’re, you know, they have guns in the house to protect their family, or whatever it is, they’ll kind of look down on that, right.

Kevin Anthony 30:32
And so it’s so important to have examples, I think, in this world of men who understand, you know, it, even if you want to go into the Bible, there’s this misconception that Jesus was a total pacifist and that he was completely against any sort of, you know, standing up for violence. And that’s actually not true if you really study it, you know, he’s the one that went into the temples and through over the tables of the money changers, right.

Kevin Anthony 30:57
And, and there are other quotes where he talks about taking up the sword because there are times when that is necessary. There are times when you have to be that warrior. And there are times when you have to have a deep spirituality. And so we just don’t have enough examples of people who can embody both of those at the same time.

Purdeep Sangha 31:17
Well, I think that you’re onto something there because it’s all about examples. And we learn from examples, and we learn specifically from the people that are around us, that’s why I’m so adamant about mentorship, especially when it comes to men, men should be mentoring other men, we should be mentoring younger boys, for example, because that’s, that’s who they need, that’s gonna, who’s gonna have the biggest impact on them.

Purdeep Sangha 31:36
If I take a look at my dad, for example, and he was a big guy, he was 612 140 pounds. it like a tough as nails, for example, because using the police force, as he could just, you know, cut his arm open and be like, okay, let’s just wrap it up and keep working. And I, you know, I learned from him, I’m like, Man, this, he was, in a lot of ways. He was like, a huge finger to us, my brother and I, because when he was around, I was like, nothing could hurt us.

Purdeep Sangha 32:03
Nothing could hurt our family. But he was also one of the most emotional men I knew. And so for the people that knew my dad, they absolutely loved them. Because they’re like, this guy’s tough. When you walked into a room, you didn’t have to see him, you could feel his presence. But when he opened up to you, he was just like this big, soft teddy bear. And you know, he would even cry, and he would tell the deepest, darkest challenges, for example, he would just open up.

Purdeep Sangha 32:26
And then the spiritual side, I think this is, again, it all comes down to situational, there’s, there’s more appropriate behavior, beliefs, the energy that is used in different situations. And this is what we teach men is to use different energies in different situations, if you go into a board room full of women, and you’re the guy that’s out there pounding the pavement, like a masculine Dude, you’re not going to get very far, for example, right.

Purdeep Sangha 32:53
So you have to use different energies in different situations, the man who can be more flexible, and be flexible on that spectrum, whatever the spectrum, that is for you, in your own life, you’re going to be more successful. And that’s why I don’t like pigeonholing men a specific way, you have to be able to learn to be diverse, you have to be able to learn to read your environment, and learn different skills and apply those different skills.

Purdeep Sangha 33:20
And that comes down to energy as well. And that comes down to your personality, it comes down to your identity, the more flexible and diverse you are, the more successful you will be in life, but I am totally different with my kids, in terms of the way they behave.

Purdeep Sangha 33:35
So if we are having a fun time will be more of a fun dad, if they’re misbehaving then I have to be a tougher dad, for example, but then when my wife’s in the picture, and she needs a certain type of attention, then I’ll have to be softer, or more romantic, or depending on her mood, you know, my I might have to be the other side, which is like erotic take charge and let’s go, right.

Purdeep Sangha 33:55
So it’s about diversity, if we are stuck one way as men, and told that this is the way you have to be, that’s the most dangerous situation that you can be in because that’s when pent up masculinity, you know, happens as well. And men will take it out in different ways, through crime, whatever, you know, can be controlling, dominating in ways that they shouldn’t. So it’s about teaching them to be able to be different based on how they want to be in different situations.

Céline Remy 34:23
I love those nuances effect that’s really where the key is, and then it’s about integrating all of these different parts. And I think that’s part of the work that we have to learn, like, we love to put labels and it helps us feel safe and like we like oh, this is what it is. But what I found is it’s really important to make that box bigger.

Céline Remy 34:47
And the labels if you need them and want them sometimes they can be good but don’t be so attached to them and be willing to have more than one and I can see that it can change and I love this idea. of modulating your masculine energy, or just how you show up and that and then again, that that gives you more depth. And that depth is very attractive.

Céline Remy 35:11
And it gives you strength within yourself because you have more resources. So I’m curious if you have any, maybe practices or a first step that men can do today to be a better man, as we talking about these nuances. How to be more of a healthy masculine for their, for their women, or for themselves for society in general?

Purdeep Sangha 35:36
Yeah, sure. I think the first thing is, so I always start with emotions. Because we do everything based on what we want to feel. And if we don’t know how we want to feel, especially for men, we’re very goal-focused and goal-oriented. If we don’t have a goal, we are lost. And so having a goal is important of what type of emotions we want to feel.

Purdeep Sangha 35:57
And that I asked men, you don’t just list three to five emotions that you want to feel on a regular basis, whether that’s peace, content, passion, passion is one of my biggest ones, peace, and passion. So I have very diverse elements in my life. But outlining them is very important. Because what we do is the way we live our life is we do things hoping that it’s going to bring us some kind of emotional, you can say fulfillment, but what we do a lot of the times isn’t the activity that we should be doing to bring that emotional fulfillment.

Purdeep Sangha 36:28
So we’re working our lives backward. So start with the end in mind, which is everything that we do is based on fulfilling an emotion, whether that’s excitement, passion, love, whatever it is. To identify that, and then work backward and say, what kind of lifestyle what kind of relationship will support that? And then work backward and say, Well, what kind of man would I need to be able to support that lifestyle or have that type of relationship and sit down, you can sit down with your partner. And this is a really tough one for guys to do.

Purdeep Sangha 37:02
And even for a lot of women these days to do as well, because they’ve been trained to be tough, like men, and not open up. But sit down and ask your partner, you know, what do you I know, this is one question I asked of my wife every day, and we ask each other, what is the one thing you need from me the most today? Just the one thing, not a laundry list of things. You know, that’s, that’s what ends up happening. And we found this works very well because it’s one simple thing.

Purdeep Sangha 37:28
She asked me and I’ll ask her, and I know, like, she’s told me one thing, I can do this one thing. And if I do it, she’s feeling more fulfilled. And if she does it, I’m feeling more fulfilled, and our helps our relationship out significantly. But this is going back to the whole concept of being the complete man. If you focus on yourself in terms of who you are, and you feel good about who you are as a man, the people around you will react differently. That is the key. And that all ultimately starts with emotions. So hopefully that helps.

Kevin Anthony 38:01
Yeah, that that was a goldmine of advice. It really wasn’t I love that piece about asking each other, what’s the one thing that I can do for you today that that’s great. I think if listeners only took that piece home, they’ve already significantly improved their relationship. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 38:18
Plus, I love the idea of distilling it to the one thing because it’s so easy to just have that laundry list, right? or it gets just lost in so many things to do. And I think especially as for women, and it’s like, oh, I need this, this, this, this, this and all of that. And then we’re like overwhelmed, and it’s like, hold on, take a deep breath and was like, What would make the biggest difference? Is there was one thing I could get help with? And that’s the one thing and then it really, I can see how it can help bring more harmony and balance for everyone involved?

Kevin Anthony 38:50
Absolutely. And I would also just, I want to repeat another question that you posed to people, which is one that I often ask in coaching, too, which is, who do you have to become? Right? So if you want to be that man, who do you have to become in order to be that right?

Kevin Anthony 39:08
And you phrase it slightly, slightly differently, but that idea of you have a goal that you want to achieve? Right? So what kind of man is the man that achieves that goal? And how can you become like that, man? I mean, it’s spectacular advice. Really? Yeah. Well,

Purdeep Sangha 39:23
The difference between the physical world and we can talk about this on this podcast because, you know, you talk about spirituality and energy. That’s the difference between having to work hard and, and struggle and just sheer will try to get to where you want to be. And that’s the physical world.

Purdeep Sangha 39:37
On the office side. In the spiritual world. It’s about it’s about attraction. It’s about attracting what you want. And when you are that man, it actually comes to you. It’s like a magnet, it’s drawn to you, rather than you. You still have to work you still have to put the action and the time and the effort in but it’s drawn to you rather than you feeling like you just constantly have to struggle towards it.

Céline Remy 39:58
So if Women are listening to this podcast and they made it all the way to the end. We have something special here for them listening for deep. I’m curious because most women say that they can’t find a masculine man. That’s kind of one of the biggest challenges that they having. What do you have to say to them?

Purdeep Sangha 40:16
Well, I would say, wow, I got so many things. You know, where do I start, I would say. They are out there, they’re out there, you may have to find them. And when you find them, you may have to even give them some safe space to be able to be that masculine man, because everywhere they go, they’re being told not to be masculine. And this is kind of counterintuitive because a masculine will be masculine regardless, right. But even you know, it doesn’t matter how masking you are, if you’re surrounded by total feminine energy, your entire life, you’re going to kind of shy, you’re going to shy away.

Purdeep Sangha 40:53
So having that nurturing environment is very important for women, and that’s what the feminine energy does anyways. And if you’re a feminine woman, you will attract a masculine man. And I think that is my biggest piece of advice is if you stay true to who you are, from a feminine perspective, the masculine will be attracted to you, because in all honesty, to just like, it’s maybe tough to find masculine men, it is just as tough to find feminine women these days.

Purdeep Sangha 41:21
And men are looking for those feminine women, they are drawn to feminine women, it is like, it’s like walking through the desert, thirsty. After days and weeks, they are looking for that quenching, you know, ponder that water or bottled water to drink because they are starving for that. And I can tell you, there are a lot of men that that need that feminine energy.

Kevin Anthony 41:45
I completely agree.

Céline Remy 41:50
All right. And I was gonna say if you don’t know how to do that work with me, I’ll help you to do it.

Kevin Anthony 41:58
Well, I would love to continue this conversation for about another hour because honestly, we skipped about half of the questions that we had for you. But we are already running late. And we just have one more question.

Céline Remy 42:10
Well, we’ve got to number one, we want to get like where can our listeners find more about you? Because honestly, we barely scratched the surface. This was great. I know you’ve got a podcast, you’ve got a book. So where can our listeners connect with you?

Purdeep Sangha 42:23
Sure. If you would like to connect with me, then you can find me pretty much on every social media channel. My handle is typically at Purdeep Sangha. You can also check out my podcast, the male entrepreneur podcast, we talk about a variety of topics from business to everything that men deal with. And then also you can get a copy of my book if you go to complete man audio.com and use the promo code victory 75. So victory seven, five, all one word, you’ll get 75% off the audiobook.

Kevin Anthony 42:55
Yes. And that will be in the show notes. So if you don’t know how to spell it, or you forget it, it’ll all be right there in the show notes. Make sure that you go find it. Alright, you want to ask our guests the final question again?

Céline Remy 43:07
Do it for change.

Kevin Anthony 43:08
Oh, okay. This question. So, we have a question that we ask everybody that we interview on the show. And it is, since we are the love lab podcast, what is your best sexual talent?

Purdeep Sangha 43:24
Oh, wow. This is a good one. I like this, you know, I have my you’d have to ask my wife, she’d probably have a different answer. You know, I would say, in the relationship that I have with my wife, it would be getting her to relax. Because I think that’s the biggest thing I give really good massages. And so that is the I would say the biggest talent there outside of you could say the manual movements and all the other stuff too.

Purdeep Sangha 43:56
But I like that energy transfer through massages. I love it. Because it’s just it’s how do I say it? It’s, it’s proactive yet it’s passive. And I can feel her energy and she can feel my energy. There are no expectations. And it’s just a way for us to connect and create that that safe space for her to open up. And I can tell you when we do that like that’s the best sex that we have. Because she’s totally relaxed. She’s totally calm. She’s turned on and then she’s ready to go. And I’m by that time I’m turned on to

Kevin Anthony 44:35
absolutely pro tip for the men listening. One of the ways you can help your woman achieve amazing orgasms is to help her relax first.

Céline Remy 44:44
That’s absolutely true. For sure, man, so many gems. I hope you all stuck until the end because that was super valuable. Thank you so much for sharing for deep. This has been a wonderful conversation. It was a pleasure having you on the love lab.

Purdeep Sangha 44:59
Yeah. Thank you for having me and honestly, this has been one of the most entertaining podcasts I’ve been on. So thank you.

Kevin Anthony 45:08
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode of the love lab podcast and we will see you all next week.

Kevin Anthony 45:20
We hope you like this episode of the love lab podcast.

Céline Remy 45:23
If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 45:42
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 45:43
And remember, you’re amazing