How To Have Sex, Love, & Relationship All Your Way In 2023

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman single or a couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:29
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 229. And it is titled how to have sex, love and relationship all your way in 2023. So this is the first love lab podcast of 2023. Can you believe it is already 2023? Honestly, I can’t. All I can say is that I hope 2023 is significantly better than 2022. Us. I don’t know about you, but I had a rough year in 2022. And I am definitely looking for something better this year.

So this show is obviously about sex, love and relationship. And really, it’s about helping you have the best sex life, the most love and the best relationship that you could possibly have. And so every year, we start a new year, it’s time for us to reassess. Look at where we are at where we want to go what we need to do to get there It’s a great time to set new goals. So that’s why I thought I would start 2023 With this particular topic. So we’re going to talk about doing a proper assessment of where all those areas in your life are. And then we’re going to talk about, you know how you can improve those areas, we’re going to take them one at a time sex love relationship.

They are indeed separate things their best when they all come together. Pun completely intended. But they are different things. So we’re going to take them one at a time. And I’m also going to explain to you sort of how I came to the habit all your way part, which is a beautiful legacy that Céline has left behind. But before we do that, here’s a word from our sponsor, do you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery, it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at powerandmastery.com.

Yes, that is our online course for men’s sexual mastery. It is great. It’s been becoming even more popular than ever lately, which I am so grateful for. So thank you. And I know it’s helped a lot of people because I get the feedback. So you know, if you’re in that place where you’re having trouble getting erections, or you’re having trouble lasting longer, or you want to improve your skills in the bedroom, all across the board, whether it’s subpoenas, skills, or massage skills, or you know, soft skills about how to create an environment and how to give her the attention she desires and all that kind of stuff. It’s all there in power mastery.com. So that is powerandmastery.com.

Okay, so the title of this episode is how to have sex, love, and relationship all your way in 2023. Where did I get that idea from Céline had a game that she used to play. And she called it if you could have it all your way. So you know whether it was like, hey, what do you want to do for dinner? He thought, well, if you could have it all your way, what would you have? And that’s just a simple example. But it works for pretty much anything that you want to create. And here’s the idea behind it. Most times when you ask somebody what they want, regardless of what it is, they think about it.

And they give you an answer based on a lot of things that they’re thinking. In other words, very, very rarely will somebody actually come to you and just give you like, if I can have it all my way. I live in a $10 million mansion on the beach in this place with this thing and that like most people don’t do that, because they don’t believe that that’s possible. And so they set these constraints on, you know, let’s say you say what do you want to have for dinner tonight? Like what if you could go anywhere? Where would you like to go? And what they’re probably thinking is I would like to go to that super expand zYv trendy restaurant that all the stars go to. But they won’t say that, because they think to themselves a bunch of things like, I’m not a star, so I can’t get in or I can’t even afford to walk in the door there or I don’t even have the right clothes to be in that restaurant or bla bla, bla bla bla, right.

So there’s all these different things that get in the way. And that prevents people from saying what it is that they really want. Now, maybe those things are actually true. And it’s not possible that you could get into that restaurant. But that’s not the point. The point is, is you want to create your life, you want to create your sex life the way you want it, you want to create the love in your life the way you want it, and you want to create the relationship the way you want it. And by having those subconscious limitations in the way, you’re going to limit how great all of those things can be.

And that was the point of the game, if you could have it all your way. I mean, both she and I knew that you know, answering that question, being 100% Honest, without any constraints, probably was like, whatever that thing is that we want, it probably wasn’t going to happen. But that wasn’t the point. The point was to not live in ourselves. The point was to truly get in touch with our desires and our wants and our needs without all those filters in the way. So that is game that something called if you could have it all your way. And you know, we would do this, you know, sometimes at night on date night like well, what do you want to do for date night? I don’t know what if you could have it all your way? How would it go? Let me think about that.

Okay, well, if I had it all my way, we’d have a great home-cooked meal, we would turn on the fire, put the mattress down, get naked and massage each other, you know, do this that the other thing like just anything, anything you want, like, let your imagination really run wild. And then we would look at it and go, Okay, can we make that happen? How close to that can we possibly get? What would we have to do in order to make that come true. And so that’s the game if you could have it all your way. So I’m introducing that in the beginning of the show, because as we go through how to make your sex, love and relationship, the best it can be in 2023, I want you to have that in the back of your mind that if you could have it all your way, wipe out the limitations that you have that you think are real, that are yours that are maybe your partner’s limitations, get rid of all of that stuff, right?

And be really honest about what it is you want. Okay, so that then takes us into the assessment phase. So here we are. It’s the beginning of 2023. And there’s something going on in our sex life or love life or relationship that just isn’t working for us. Here’s where you got to get really, really honest. I mean, like really honest with yourself. So what I’ve done is I’ve created a list of questions to ask yourself, and it would be great if you wrote these down in a journal and then sat there and honestly answered them without the filters, keeping in mind if you could have it all your way. Okay, so question number one, we’re going to start with sex, then we’ll go to love, then we’ll go to relationships. So number one sex.

Are you getting enough sex? Be completely honest. Are you really getting the amount of sex that you would want? There are a lot of times when people will say, Well, yeah, I mean, I pretty much I get the amount of sex I want. Okay, I’ll How often are you having sex? Oh, you know, like, once a week, sometimes twice a week? Well, if you had sex three times a week or four times a week, would you like that? Would you be happy? And they go? Oh, well, yeah, I mean, of course. Yeah. We’d love sex four times a week. Well, okay. Which is it?

Is one time a week what you really want or is four times a week what you really want, or is maybe four times a week, you know, extra great, but all you really need is to write but the idea is you have to be really honest about how much sex is it that you really want. And this is one of the difficult things with couples is that number often doesn’t align for most couples. So then you figure out how can we meet somewhere in the middle. So for Celine, her ideal number was three times a week. So if she had sex three times a week, she’s like, that was amazing.

She was totally fulfilled, she had no more needs or desires. After that, of course, the quality of sex, which we will get to in a moment is a big factor in how frequently you want sex. But just for the moment, let’s assume that you are having the most amazing sex that you’ve ever dreamed of. For her three times a week was great. Now, if you asked me how it was like three times a week is great, I am so grateful that we get to make love that frequently. And sometimes it would be more than occasionally it would be less. But if you asked me, What was your idea and number like, I could have had sex practically every day. In fact, we did when we did the 30 day sex challenge. We had penetrative sex every day, for 30 days, which actually was kind of challenging.

And to be honest, because there are a lot of days where the days are just so busy, and there’s so much work by the time you get to the end of the day, you’re exhausted, and you just want to go to sleep and you’re like, but we promised we would have 630 days in a row. And we’re going to do a show on this and talk about it, we have to do it. So there were a few times where it became a chore but in general, I mean for me four times five times, whatever, that would be great. So so then you look at that go, Okay, well, let’s say you’re at a four and she’s at a three, you know, what do you do about that? Well, you can’t have three and a half, right?

So in that case, I was perfectly fine with three, but at least I was honest with her about, hey, you know, four would be great for me or even five, you know? So that’s number one is, are you getting enough sex and be really, really honest with yourself on that one? Number two, are you getting the kind of sex you desire? This is really, really, really important. I would say that question number one, are you getting enough sex is probably the one that guys ask themselves the most? Or at least think about the most? And number two, are you getting the kind of sex you desire is probably one that women are thinking about a whole lot more.

I don’t agree with this. What I’m about to say, but a lot of men do think this way, which is like, hey, sex is sex, right? As long as I’m getting sex, it’s all good. I don’t agree with that. There’s a huge range in the quality of sex. And the older I get, the less interested I am in poor-quality sex. So, you know, to me, if it’s not really beautiful, amazing, deeply connected, passionate, like, you know, out of this world, amazing sex, I’m not really interested in it. So the quality of the sex is very important to me. But in general, in general, it tends to be more important thing for women than it is for men.

So women, are you really getting the kind of sex that you want? Is a very valid and important question. So ask yourself that be really, really honest. Remember, if you could have it all your way. What kind of sex would you have? Alright, number three, is your sex really fulfilling? So similar, yet different from number two? So number two is are you getting the kind of sex that you want? So are you doing the positions you want to do? Are you doing the acts that you want to do? Are you having orgasms? You know, is it really enjoyable? Fun sex? Is it deeply connected? Because maybe that’s something that you need, right?

But in number three, is it really fulfilling? In other words, do you walk away from your sexual experiences? Feeling more fulfilled, more joyous, happier, more turned on? More just everything than before you made love? You should be there’s absolutely how you should be walking away from great sex. Like, just completely turned on by life like, holy shit. That was fucking amazing. And I can’t wait to do it again. That was one of the greatest things I’ve ever experienced in a human body. Like, honestly, that is how you should be feeling Now granted, it varies, right? It’s mutton. It’s not going to be mind-blowing every single time we’re humans.

Right? We’re not robots. And, you know, our, our physical state varies. Our mental state varies. The conditions of the moment vary so but in general, would you describe your sex life as being like that? More often than not, that’s the question you want to ask. Number four, does it have enough variety, safety, passion, love desire, so get really honest about your sex life. Now as a coach and somebody that works with men and couples and even now Some women, because I’m taking over a lot of, of the work that Céline was doing. I’m not going to be, you know, teaching women how to do Jade egg practices or any of that, you know, female Yoni specific stuff. But I am going to be working with women who are interested in improving their sex lives and their relationships.

Because you know, it’s the same tools, whether you’re a man or a woman, it’s the same tools, the same practices, the same concepts that you need to learn and master so. But ask yourself those questions. Do you have enough variety, safety, passion, love, desire? Are all those things present in your sex life, and get really, really honest. And I started actually saying the whole point about coaching men and women was that as a coach, working with, you know, men and women and couples, you know, a lot of times, if you really start to dig down and ask these questions, you will be surprised the answers you get. In other words, you know, one person thinks that, of course, there’s safety in the relationship, and then you dig down deeper and turns out, somebody doesn’t feel safe.

It turns out maybe that it’s not as passionate as they would like, maybe the desire isn’t there, and they’re just going through the motions. There are a lot of people out there, who, whose sex lives aren’t where they want them to be. And they’re not necessarily honest to themselves about it, or their partners. So, you know, answering these questions are important. Number five, is there anything you would change about the current state of your sex life? Haha, okay, okay, get really honest here. I mean, you’re supposed to be really honest with all these questions.

I keep saying that. But sometimes you ask people this question, and you go, Well, okay. Magic Wand, you could wave it, you could change anything you want and your sex life, what would it be? And a lot of times people go oh, and you know, I don’t know. I mean, I think it’s pretty good. How it is, I don’t really need to change anything. And wrong, if that’s the way you answered it, then there’s definitely something that you want to change. If there’s nothing in your relationship, your sexual relationship that you want to change, most likely the way you would answer that question is, by having the most amazing, fulfilling off the charts, sex life that you could even dream of.

And if you’re not answering it that way, then there’s probably likely something that you want to change. So get really honest with yourself about that one. Okay. So those are some questions that you can ask yourself about your sex life, get really honest, write everything that comes to your mind down remember the if you could have it all your way, and don’t limit yourself. Next, let’s move to your love life. So you can have amazing sex, and not necessarily have love with that sex. Personally. For me, I think the best sex in the world is when it is deeply connected and loving sex. However, maybe you haven’t found that partner yet. But you do have people that you are with when you do have sexual relations with. And you can maximize the second part of that. And you know, maybe the love part isn’t there, or isn’t there yet, and maybe wants to get it there. So here are some questions you can ask about the love part.

Is your relationship abundant in love? First, an obvious question, do you have an abundance of love in your relationship? And when I say abundance, I mean abundance. When you think about your relationship, like do you get maybe like teary eyed like, there’s so we share so much love together in this relationship? That’s where you shouldn’t be. And if it’s not where you are, then you want to take steps to get there, which we’ll talk about later on. But that’s kind of what I’m getting at when you’re asking that question. Is your relationship abundant love.

Number seven, are you able to really give love? Oh, yeah, this one and the next one again, like, get really honest here. Are you really able to give love? Are you just sort of going through the motions or you’re staying surface level? Are you really bearing your whole heart and soul in this relationship? Because remember, if you want to receive love, you have to give love. What’s the lyric at the end of the Beatles song goes where has that go something like and in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make? So you got to ask yourself, are you really able to give love? Like deep down from your heart? And that is similar to the next question, which is, are you able to really receive love?

The thing is, if you’re not able to receive the love that your partner’s giving you, then they may stop giving it to you. If every time say somebody gives you a compliment, you just blow it off, are they gonna bother to give you a compliment? Maybe they will. Maybe they won’t, right. But they might get tired and frustrated, because you’re not really acknowledging it. And you don’t seem to care either way. But if every time they give you a compliment, you’re like, Wow, thank you so much, I really appreciate that. That’s going to motivate the person to compliment you more.

So same thing here with Are you really able to receive your partner’s love. I have seen this too many times, when working with couples, where one person for whatever reason, you know, past relationship trauma, childhood trauma, sexual abuse, trauma, whatever it is, they’re not really capable of opening up and letting the other person’s love truly and deeply penetrate them. It’s really, really hard to develop the depth and connection in that type of relationship when the person just won’t let you in. So be really honest, are you really able to receive the love that your partner is giving you? Number nine, do you even know what true love really is?

Oh, that is a big one. You’ve heard the saying you don’t know what you don’t know. If you’ve never been in a relationship that really was truly like a deep level of love, then you might not know what that actually feels like. So answering that question might be kind of hard for you. Because you’ve never actually experienced it. And you’ll go well, yeah, of course, I know what true love really is. Until all of a sudden you meet that person. And then you experience true love. And you’re like, Oh, this is way different. So the question is, do you even really know what true love is? So it’s kind of the answer to that, for me is kind of like, how do you know you’re with the right person?

This sounds completely and totally cliche. But the reality is, is you’ve heard this a million times in like every romantic comedy movie you’ve ever watched, which is, you just know, when it’s the right person you just know. And it sounds silly. And when you haven’t found that person, you’re like, whatever, bullshit, you know, like you just don’t, you don’t really buy into it. But once you’ve experienced it, once you find that person you’re like, Whoa, this 100% For sure is it you just know, same thing with true love. Once you’ve experienced that level of love in a relationship, you know it, you just know it. And you’re just like, Okay, now I know what that is.

So the question is, do you know what that is? And if not, how can you find out? Number 10? Do you experience unconditional love in your relationship? Whew, similar, similar to true love, but unconditional love is a little bit different. You know? Unconditional Love is, is an interesting term, right? Because a lot of people believe that they have unconditional love. But it’s pretty rare. Because we’re humans and humans put conditions on practically everything. So is it truly unconditional? Does your partner loves you no matter what you do are happy obviously excluding bad behavior, you know, abusive type stuff, but do they love you unconditionally?

No matter how you change and grow and who you become as you mature and go through life? And do you do that for your partner? Or are you expecting them to always be a certain way? And if they deviate from that way, you start holding back love, right? There’s a difference there. Number 11. Would you consider your relationship highly functioning? Haha. I know quite a few people who would answer yes to that. And from the third-party outside perspective, I would say absolutely not. Nope, that is not a highly functioning relationship.

So again, hold that mirror up real close and get real honest. Is your relationship highly functional? I can say I mean, I’ve had quite a few relationships in my life. I’ve probably only had three that I would label really as highly functioning and really the last one Céline. And I was really the only one that was truly consistently over a long period of time. Highly, highly functional. Just yeah, on another level as far as how we interacted, as partners together. So, you know, ask yourself that question, would you consider your relationship highly functional? Number 12? Do you work together as a team?

Whoo, this is a big one. This is something I don’t see often enough in relationships, which is you are supposed to function as a team, once you’ve committed to be together, like really be together, whether you’re legally married or not, but you’ve committed to Yeah, we are together, you’re supposed to be a team. And what does that mean? It means that the members of the team are always acting in the best interest of the other members of the team, right? Meaning I’m going to do everything I can to support my partner to be the absolute best person they can be. And sometimes that means supporting decisions that maybe aren’t necessarily what you want.

For instance, maybe they’re going to take a new job, that’s going to keep them away from home more often. And you don’t want that because you want them home more. But you understand that that new job is important to their career to their development. It’s a, maybe a dream or a goal they’ve had their whole life. And so you support them in that. And you figure out ways how to manage it. But whatever it is, you should be working together as a team, you should always feel like no matter what happens, no matter how crazy the world gets out there, that you’ve always got the two of each other, and you’re always there to help each other and to support each other as a team.

Number 13, do you have exceptional communication skills? That’s another one. I mean, that one’s pretty easy. If you feel like you’re challenged to communicate ideas, or if you feel like you’re not being heard by your partner, then you don’t have exceptional communication skills, you might have some communication skills, but you don’t have exceptional communication skills. And that is something that every relationship really should have. And that can be learned, it’s not that hard to do, you’re probably going to run into some habits that you’ve developed over your lifetime, that need to be broken. But you can do it. Number 14, do you fight often?

And by the way, if I haven’t mentioned it yet. Starting at number 11, we moved into the questions for relationships. So we transitioned from love, we ran into the questions for relationships. So 14 is do you fight? Often? If the answer to that is yes, you’ve got a lot of work to do. Because you should not be fighting often now what is often right, different people have different ideas of what is considered often. I think anything other than, you know, we had an argument, you know, a couple of months ago, anything more frequent than that, to me is often you know, like,

it’s never going to be perfect. And there are going to be times maybe where you have conflicts, but it shouldn’t be very often, because most times you should have those exceptional communication skills. And if there is any sort of disagreement, you can sit down and talk about it like two mature adults. And you don’t actually have to have an argument. I can honestly tell you in the seven years that something that I spent together, we never had an argument. Not once in seven years, through dating, through starting as a triad, through marriage, through sickness.

We’ve never had an argument. There were maybe two or three times where we had disagreements, and we were able to just sit down and talk about them. And that’s it. And you know, there were times where one of us would get grumpy with the other one or whatever, just like any couple would. But we always understood that it wasn’t about us. So like if she was grumpy, or if I was most likely as if it was I was grumpy about something she knew it had nothing to do with her. Then she didn’t take it personally. 15 Does your relationship feel like a roller coaster? Does it feel like it’s always ups and downs, ups and downs, ups and downs? shouldn’t be like that. It should be relatively steady in the positive zone. 16 are your needs being fulfilled in your relationship?

Do you even know what your needs are? I mean, that’s even a better question to start with. What are you Your needs sit down and write them all down, take time to really think about what it is you need in a relationship. If you sit down to ask yourself that question and all this, all you get is crickets, you better take some more time to figure out what it is you really need. In fact, I was just coaching a male client about this the other day, he’s currently in a relationship. And the relationship is potentially transitioning or not. And that’s the thing is they’re not even showing us. What is it that you really want?

So in his case, it was what is it that you want with her, but it’s also what is it that you want in life, because he isn’t really sure what he wants, he kind of goes by, well, maybe I want a family and kids, but maybe I don’t maybe I want a relationship, maybe I just want to be single, maybe I want to play around, like he’s not totally clear on what it is he wants. And so his homework is you got to sit down. And you’ve got to be really honest and look at your life and decide what is it that you want. Because you’re never going to get there. If you don’t even know where you’re trying to get, you don’t even know what steps to take, because you don’t even know what you’re trying to achieve. Alright, and the last one, is there anything you would change about your relationship?

I mean, is there honestly, ask yourself that question. It could even be small things doesn’t have to be anything big. You might be like, You know what? My relationship is pretty awesome. I would keep it exactly the way it is. Except maybe I would tweak this one thing or this, this other thing over here. But honestly, not that big a deal. Great, then you’re in a great space. But most times people would say well, yeah, if I could change one thing, here’s what it would be. Right? Okay. So those are part of what I would call the assessment phase, you got to sit down and ask yourself, not only those questions, but there are many more that you could come up with, and get really, really honest, you need to know where you are at.

So you can figure out how to get to where you want to go. And so that is what we’re going to talk about next after a word from our sponsor. Which today is me. Are you a couple are your relationship and sex life where you want them to be? Are there changes you would like to make but just don’t know how, maybe you think there’s nothing that can be done, I challenge you to make 2023 the year that all changes. If you’re not 100% happy with where your relationship or sex life is, then get help today and change your life. Go to www dot Céline remy.com forward slash sex dash coaching dash couples and schedule a strategy call with me today.

So we can map out a strategy to get you where you want to be. So you can have it all your way. Go to www dot Céline remy.com forward slash sex dash coaching dash couples and book your strategy call today. Yes, I know that link is a little long, I did not have time to make you a shortened version that was really easy to remember. But don’t worry, the link is in the description. So yes, sex dash coaching dash couples at Céline remy.com. Book your strategy call let me help you. Let me help you do the assessment. And let me help you formulate a plan and implement that plan. All right.

So that takes us to step number one was the assessment and we just went through a bunch of questions on how to do that assessment about where you’re at. Number two is once you have assessed where you’re at, make a list of the top three things you would like to change and rank them in order of priority. Why do I say top three, maybe you identified 10 things that you want to change in your relationship, it’s gonna be pretty hard to work on 10 things all at once. In fact, it’s probably too hard to work on three things at once. And that’s why we’re going to rank them in order of priority.

Let’s look at the top things that you want to shift or change in your sex, love or relationship. And then rank them from most important to least important and we’re going to start with the most important. Okay, so then step number three is to create an action plan using the if you could have it all your way game, do not limit yourself. Don’t allow your mind to create limitations. So you’ve gone through the assessment, keeping that if you could have it all your way in mind. You’ve come up with your top three things that you would like to shift or change in your sex love or relationship.

You’ve ranked them by priority. And now you’re going to look Have them and say, Okay, if I could have it all my way? How would that look? Number one? I want to do this, what would that really look like? If I could have it? Absolutely the way that I want it. Once you do that, then you create the action plan. And the components. Okay, I want to get over here, this is my destination, this is what I’m trying to achieve this outcome over here. What would I need to do to get there? And another question that is really valuable to ask is, who do I need to be to get there?

This is a really important question, because, you know, I asked men this question all the time when they’re dating, right? Because men will say, Well, this is the kind of woman I want to be with. And what’s interesting is that as a third party observing them, and getting to know them, sometimes I see, okay, you’re in this place over here. But you’re telling me that you want to date a woman who’s in this other place over there? And there isn’t alignment there. Right?

So for instance, maybe a guy is, I don’t know, he’s unemployed, he’s overweight. He doesn’t take particularly great care of himself. And he tells me he wants to date a supermodel. Well, okay. Do you think a supermodel is necessarily going to go for, you know, an out of shape overweight, unemployed guy who doesn’t really take care of himself? Know, what kind of guy would she date, she would probably date somebody who takes care of his body is really fit has something going on in his life, whether it’s a successful business or, or something else that he’s really good at in life?

So one of the things you want to do is ask yourself, Who do you have to be to get to where you are? Or where you started? Where you want to go? Really important question. All right, and then last, you want to take a bold and immediate action, don’t be overwhelmed and take it one step at a time. Really important. One of the things that I think the sort of New Age community has really screwed up is they tell people, all you have to do is set your intention, and then let go of it. And the universe will bring you everything that you desire.

You’re missing a part to that. You have to take action. You can’t just say I want to be a multimillionaire. All right, great. I spoke that to the universe, bring it to me now I’m just going to sit here in my van by the down by the river and just wait for the millions to roll in. It doesn’t really work like that. You have to take action steps, you need to be doing something, you have to be putting energy into the intention that you have set. So take bold and immediate action.

This is one of the places where a lot of people have difficulty. This is often why having a coach is so valuable because the coach can kind of push you into taking bold and immediate action, give you actions to take and then hold you responsible for whether or not you’ve taken those actions. All right, so that is basically the process right? So you make an honest assessment of where you’re at. Once you have assessed where you’re at, you make a list of the top three things you would like to change and rank them in order of priority. Number three, you create an action plan using the if you could have it all your way. And number four, your take bold and immediate action.

Don’t be overwhelmed and take it one step at a time. That is the formula for how to make 2023 the best year ever for your sex, love and relationship. But we are not going to stop there. Oh, no, no, no, the show is not over just yet. We have more Oh behave, yeah, yeah, baby. No, I will not behave because I want to make sure that 2023 really is the best year for you. So I have some examples of action steps that you can take. So these are just a few examples to to help sort of jumpstart you in the right direction here. I’m going to take them again, sex first love and then relationship.

So in the sex category, a few action examples. Okay, number one, you’re not getting enough sex. All right. What you need to do, the first place to start there is to find out what’s in the way. So if you’re in a relationship with a partner and you want more sex and that sex isn’t happening, why? Find out why this probably means having some really honest communication and conversations with your partner but find out? What is in the way? Are you working too much? Is she working too much? Are the kids in the way? Is there other stressful things happening?

Is there built-up resentment? Is she not getting the sex that she really wants? There are a million things that could potentially be in the way that are preventing you from having enough sex or at least the amount of sex that you want. So action steps, find out what that thing is, that’s in the way. Number two, not getting the kind of sex you want. Okay, so you’re not getting the kind of sex you want? Why is that? Is it because you haven’t asked for what you actually want?

Is it because you don’t know what you actually want? Is it because your partner is maybe not willing to change or do things differently? So the action step is, learn how to ask for what you want in a loving and nonjudgmental way. And then find ways for to make it easy for your partner to give that to you. Without being judgmental without blaming without shaming, you’re no good, you don’t do this, blah, blah, blah, no, you say, here’s what I really need. Here’s what would really light me up, here’s what would make me want to have sex with you all the time, right?

If you gave me this kind of sex, I’d be a raving maniac, right and rip your clothes off, like that kind of stuff. Number three, create a safe container to have real conversations about sex. So the action step here is you’ve got to talk about this stuff. I can’t tell you how many times in coaching people, you ask them, Well, have you ever had a discussion about this? And they’re like, oh, no, no, no. And I, I hear this a lot more from the men’s side, because I’ve been doing men’s coaching a lot longer. And you asked me well, okay, have you talked to your partner, your wife about this?

Oh, no, I can’t do that. Oh, I tried once and it went terrible. And I’m not doing that again. Right. That is something I hear really, really often. The action step here is if your sex life isn’t where you want it to be, and you want to fix that, you have got to have some real conversations, you have to figure out a way to approach that situation, and have that conversation, where she’s not going to get triggered and shut down and not want to talk about it. Or it could be the other way around.

This is not the first time by the way. It’s you know, I talk about these things often in the context of coaching men, because that’s what I’ve done for a long time. But I’ve seen it the other way around to where women are like, Hey, I tried to talk to him about it, and he just shuts down, he just automatically assumes that I’m criticizing his ability in the bedroom, and he doesn’t want to talk about it, it happens that way too, pretty frequently.

So you have to be able to have that safe container to talk about these things, you are never going to shift what’s happening in your relationship. If you can’t have real honest conversations with the person you’re having sex with, you just have to. Alright, number four, take courses to help you improve your skills. The beginning of this show, we always do the advertisement for power mastery.com. If your sex life isn’t that good, and you know that it has something to do with your lack of skills, then get on boards, take some courses.

Anything else that you want to do in life, you want to be good at it, you take courses, you take professional development courses to be better at your job. You take courses for all sorts of things. And whatever your hobbies are, you want to be a better golfer, you probably hired a golf pro at one point to give you a couple of pointers, right? Like if you want to get better at something, then go take some courses. Now online courses are great because you work at home in the privacy of your own home, you do it whenever you want to do it. And it’s easy.

It’s generally lower cost as well. But that takes us to number five, hire a coach to help you improve your skills. Yes, there are people out there like if you want to learn how to how to play guitar, right? You want to do that? Yeah, you can take time, and you can get on YouTube and you can watch all the videos and you can buy some books and you can get your way through it. People do that there are plenty of self-taught players. But you will learn a lot faster, a lot more efficiently. And you’ll shortcut a lot of the mistakes if you hire somebody to help you and it’s no different when it comes to your sex, love and relationship skills. Hire somebody that knows how to do this stuff.

Yes, you can hire me. You don’t have to hire me you can hire somebody else to there’s lots of good people out there. We’ve had a bunch of people on the show that we’ve interviewed that from what we can tell from our conversations, understand this stuff and do a great job too. So but get the help that you need. It’s worth it is well All well worth it. And number six, practice either with your partner or by yourself when the number one question that we get asked when somebody doesn’t have a partner is, should I be working on this right now if I don’t have a partner, shouldn’t I just wait until I have a partner because then I could actually implement this stuff.

The answer to that always is the right time to start is now partner or no partner, you can wait till you have a partner, and then you can practice and you can make a bunch of mistakes and potentially screw that up, right, or you can start now. And you can learn some of this stuff. And you can, you can integrate it in as part of who you are, and how you show up before you get into the relationship, so that you don’t screw it up when you do get into it. Alright, so those are some action steps, examples for improving your sex life. Let’s move on to love.

Not enough love in your relationship, start by modeling the love you want to receive by giving it to your partner. So that’s your action step. If you’re feeling like there’s not enough love in your relationship, start putting the amount of love that you want into it, and then see how much of that gets reflected back at you. You know, it’s often that thing, like you see this with entrepreneurs a lot of the time, they want to start a new business, right, but they go well, you know, I’m not gonna put a bunch of time, effort and money into this new business until it makes some money so that I can at least recoup when I get in.

That’s not how it works. It’s just not, right. If you want to be successful, starting a new business, you have to put in the time, energy and money with no guarantee that you’re going to get it back and I see too many people sit there and go, I’m not going to put the inputs in until I know the outputs are coming out. Well, if that’s the case, then you’re not likely to get the output. So it’s the same thing here. model the love that you want to receive by giving it to your partner and inspire them to give that love back to you.

Number two, not receiving the kind of love you want. Study the five love languages and identify both yours and your partners start by asking for yours and giving your partner’s right. So if you’re not getting the kind of love that you want, then first of all, you have to know what kind of love it is you really want. Like how how do you like people to show their love for you, and then communicate that to them.

And then obviously, just like number one, you want to model that to them. So figure out how your partner likes to receive love, and then start giving them the love in the way that they want to receive it. And you know, we’ve talked about the five love languages on the show, I think we even did a whole episode on somewhere, I don’t remember what it was exactly titled or what number it was. But go look for it. I’m sure if you search for love languages, you’ll find it in there.

It’s just a great way to it gives you words and language to identify how it is you like to receive love. You know, it’s not like there’s only these five, and there can’t be any others. And one has to be more than the other. But it does give you a framework to help you conceptualize, Hey, how is it that I really do like to receive love? Or how is it that my partner really likes to receive love? Number three, create more opportunities to express love. Yeah. You know, we have busy lives, especially if your parents and you know, in most places these days, it takes two incomes to survive. And both of you are working and you’re trying to raise kids and Life is stressful.

And it’s like, how many opportunities do you really have to express your love for each other? Now, you know, a lot of times the answer to that is not that many, but you can create them. And that’s the point is you want to really create those opportunities. So making sure that you have date nights schedule, you know, do the constant state of arousal that we talked about a lot of the time that’s not necessarily love, but love can be incorporated into the constant state of arousal. You know, maybe buy her flowers on a regular basis.

This is something Céline loved. Céline loved flowers, and she loved to receive flowers. And so I made it a point to buy her flowers on a regular basis. I would have an appointment in town every other week. And I would pretty much buy her flowers every other week, because she loved them because when I brought them home and he would see her face light up. It was worth every penny of it. And that was a way that I showed her my love for her. So create more ways, lots of little things like that, that can help your partner know that you love them.

Number four, set the intention to create more love so you have to really like setting the intention that really should have been first right like set the intention and then create the opportunities like just as you go about your day to day life. Keep it in your mind that Yeah, well, I really want to create more love in this relationship. And if you’re thinking about it regularly, then you’re more likely to take steps to make that happen.

So so really set that intention. have symbols around the house that symbolizes love, we have tons of this we literally have like, wooden things where like, you know, the word love was carved out of a piece of wood, or, you know, love is all you need, or a picture of two lovers embracing each other, having those symbols around the house. And if you’re into feng shui, you can put them in the love. Bye Bagua of the house, which you don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. But the ADCs have those symbols around to inspire more love. When you look at those things.

You’re like, fuck yeah, that’s what I want, right. So it’ll just be it’d be a good reminder for you. And of course, just like in sex, get coaching, if you’re not getting the love that you want in your relationship, just get somebody to help you do it. You don’t have to go it alone, you don’t have to reinvent the wheel, you don’t have to try to figure it out. Other people have figured out just about everything that you would ever need to know or want in this world, and leverage their expertise. Okay, here we go. Last one relationship, we’re almost done here.

Thank you for hanging in there with me. Number one, start functioning as a team. If your relationship is not where you want it to be, you’re likely not really, truly functioning as a team. So get on board as a team. You’ve heard me say this on the show many times before Céline, and I were team us, which meant the two of us together. And of course, it also meant unstoppable success, we knew that if we always function together as a team that we would be unstoppable. Number two, get honest about whether or not you are truly 100% in in your relationship.

Man, this is a big one. Céline and I one of the last relationship synergy strategy calls that we had was with a couple. And as we started talking, that was actually kind of a long call, usually, we tried to keep those strategy calls really short. But there was a lot going on in this one. And really what it came down to is, the man in that relationship wasn’t 100% in. And at one point, I call them out on in the call and I said, Hey, you know, it sounds to me, like you got one foot in the relationship and one foot out. And his response was, I think I really got both feet out.

And I was like, whoa, okay, we’ve got a lot of work to do here, right? You cannot be in a relationship and be both feet out. But you definitely cannot be in a relationship. Well, let me say that the proper way. You shouldn’t be in a relationship with one foot out, you definitely can’t be in a relationship with both feet out. Kind of reminds me there’s a John Mayer song. I don’t remember what the title of it is, might be called half of my heart. But basically, you know, he’s singing the song, you know, half of my heart wants to give you everything and the other half doesn’t blah, blah, blah.

And he’s admitting in the song that he can’t keep loving her with only half of his heart. Okay, so he used half his heart, you could use one foot in one foot out, you’ve got to go in 100%. And if you’re not in 100%, you’re never going to have the relationship of your dreams, period, it’s just not going to happen. So get really honest, because I run into a lot of people in the coaching business who are not 100% in with both feet in their relationship. Number three, have regular communication and check-ins, this is something every relationship should be doing. Even if things are going great.

Don’t just go on autopilot, go, everything’s great. And Céline. And I would do that every once in a while, we would sit down and just check in like, Hey, where are you at? How you doing? What are you feeling? What do you need? Is everything still okay? Do you need me to do change anything in particular, right? Those are really important things to do, periodically, forever. As long as you’re in relationship, keep checking in don’t assume you know where the other person is at or where the relationship is at, regardless of how great it seems to you. Number four, of course, seek coaching and counseling.

I keep saying that it’s been in every category because hey, you know what, sometimes that is the best, most efficient way to get what you want. And number five, make your relationship a top priority. This is another thing that I do not see often enough. I see people making their jobs their top priority. I see people making their children their top priority. I see people making you know a certain habit achieving certain amount of money a top priority.

I mean, sports a top priority. I have seen people make all kinds of things top priorities, and then you’re like, where’s your relationship in that list? Oh, it’s number three or For down on the list or five or 10, like, you’re never going to have the relationship of your dreams, if it’s not a top priority. Now, you know, maybe you’re super into, you know, your career, or you know, what you do for a living. And maybe that’s your number one priority, okay?

That mean, for some people, that’s fine, I can tell you that in my relationship with Céline, that was the number one priority above all else. It just was. And honestly, if you’re with the right person, and you want to be with that person for the rest of your life, that’s how it should be. Now, of course, you know, parents will always say, well, once the kids come in note, kids are the number one priority, I get that I get that your relationship with your kids is going to be up there.

But you know, don’t let your relationship with your partner fall too far below that, because then you’re going to have challenges. And trust me, it’s in the best interest of the kids as well, to make sure that your relationship is top priority because you’re modeling to them. Kids need a strong father figure and mother figure in their developmental cycle. So you really need both of those to raise really strong, healthy kids. And so you want to stay together as relationships. So you can provide that, but you’re also modeling to them how relationships should be, and they’re going to when they grow up, they are going to subconsciously unconsciously repeat all of the effed-up patterns that you demonstrated to them when they were kids.

So you want to make sure that you make your relationship a top priority, so that you are modeling good behavior to them. All right. So that’s that that is a list of action steps. Obviously, there are more that you could take. But those are some steps that you can start to take right now, right now in the beginning of 2023. To make your sex life, your love life and your relationship, the best that it can actually absolutely be. Remember what you focus on expands. So if you want to have a great 2023 for sex, love and relationship, you need to put time, energy and attention into making it that way and I just gave you a lot of tools that you can use to do that. Alright everybody. I hope that you enjoyed this episode. I hope you have a great start to the year and I will see you next week.

We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 57:42
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Céline remy.com forward slash vault. That’s ce o l i n e r e m y.com forward slash vault.

Kevin Anthony 57:55
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 57:57
And remember you’re amazing