She’s So Horny, Same Old Positions, Testicle Massage & Don’t Take It Personally

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman single or a couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 228. And it’s titled, she’s so horny, same old positions, testicle massage and don’t take it personally, you’re probably guessing by the title that this is going to be a user or listener questions answered. So yes, it is we’ve got some great questions. You know, when when you all, you know, email us through all the various channels, whether it comes from power mastery, or our website or the podcast or wherever, we try to compile all those and every once in a while we do a show so that we can answer as many questions as we can. And that’s what we’re going to do this episode.

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It’s all there. It’s fantastic stuff I’ve mentioned a few times in past shows that we’ve been kind of going over it, and just making sure it’s still up to date and current, and you know, the information and it’s still fantastic. I will be adding a few things coming up in the future, which even if you buy now you will have access to every new thing that happens for life. So power and mastery.com. Okay, so we’ve got some questions. The first question is, my husband has been trying to take your advice on creating an atmosphere of constant arousal. For me, I’m already basically either horny or capable of getting horny 99% of the time.

When he started doing the constant state of arousal thing, I noticed that I began asking him for sex less, and then eventually noticed that me being that horny was so debilitating, that I was blocking it out and repressing it so that I could actually live my life and be able to focus. Mind you hit just put a finger inside me for five seconds or something similarly mild, but it would still drive me insane. And I basically wine for sex the entire day there in there, which made him wants to sexually touch tease me less. Because it wasn’t a noncommittal fun thing anymore. It was like if you do x, small thing, you have to go all the way after, which really wasn’t appealing to him.

My question is, is this normal? Should we stop? What do we do? We already have sex four to six times a week, by the way. Okay. Let me just tell you first that your husband is lucky man. Having sex four to six times a week and having his wife beg him for sex all the time, is what most men say they want. Maybe they might feel slightly different if they actually had it, but that’s what most men say they want. So here’s the thing. Our advice, you know, Céline and I, for years have talked about creating this constant state of arousal. And the reason why we talk about it so much is because the majority of couples have the exact opposite problem you have four to six times a week sex is a lot. It’s great. I mean, I would have no problem with that.

If Céline were here, she would be like, well, three to four would probably be more, more her range. But yeah, I’m good for you know, four or five, six, or whatever. But most people don’t even have it once a week. And most people have a really hard time getting from zero on the arousal scale, where they’re not in the mood at all, to getting somewhere to maybe even a four or five where they’re even thinking about sex. And that’s really the people that the constant state of arousal are for the people that have a hard time switching gears from the day-to-day stuff that they have to do and have a hard time getting into that place where they want to have sex.

Now, sometimes there are couples that get there, but they don’t get there frequently enough. And so this is also for those people who, maybe they can do it. But maybe they only do it, you know, once a week, once every other week, and they want to have more. So I would say that practicing the constant state of arousal is probably not necessary in your case. So obviously, if you’ve gotten to a place where you’re so so turned on, won’t make you holy. This is the perfect question, by the way to use some of my, my sound effects here. Here’s another good one for you. Shall we shag now shall we shag later. So yeah, I would say if it’s gotten to the point where it’s so debilitating, that you’re so turned on and so horny all the time that you can’t focus, then definitely, you need to stop doing the constant state of arousal thing.

I do, however, want to say, thank you for listening to the advice that we give, and for actually practicing it. That’s a lot more than a lot of people do. So that is wonderful for you that you listened to it, and that you took that advice. And I would say in your case, that it’s not necessary. So obviously, if anything is in the realm of being potentially debilitating, then you should definitely stop. And you know, as to your question is, is this normal? You know, when it comes to sex stuff, that’s the number one question everybody asks about anything, is this normal? I can tell you having worked in this field for a long time now, everything is normal to some extent.

Everybody thinks they’re their king or their thing, whatever they got going on, is only their thing, right? Or very few people. It must be weird. Nobody else is like that. Yes, yes. There are other people like that. So yes, it is totally normal. I would say that you’re not the majority. The majority of people are struggling to maintain a quality sex life. But yeah, otherwise, it’s totally normal. So your question isn’t normal? Yes. Should you stop?

Yeah, I would say so. I mean, if you’re perfectly fine, and you’re turned down enough to have sex for four to six times a week, without that, then definitely back off, back off, make it fun again. What is also somewhat interesting is that he is doing it last often, because he knows that if he gets you going, he’s going to have to actually take the time to give you sex, I’m assuming he’s probably busy, like many of us are, and just simply doesn’t have enough time to do that. So now he’s doing it less. So usually, we see this situation the other way around, right? Where a guy is like, well, you touched my cock, and now I have an erection. So now you have to finish me. And that always, always, and motivates the woman to touch him randomly throughout the day, because she’s like, I just want to give them a little squeeze a little stroke, tease them a little bit, and then we’ll have sex later, like not right now.

Right? So if she knows that every time she touches his cock, that she’s gonna have to actually give him a blowjob to completion or have sex with him to completion or handjob to completion or something. She’s a lot less likely to actually do that. And so what you’re describing here is the same thing. It’s just reverse, right? Where he’s like, Oh, well, now I’m not going to put my finger on you for five seconds. Because if I do, you’re gonna want sex, and you’re gonna whine all day. So definitely back that down. I mean, four to six times next week is fantastic. Congratulations, you guys have a spectacular sex life. Now. I don’t know how old you are, because you didn’t say. But if you’re younger, and over the years, as they go by, you start to see that change. Keep this tool in your back pocket.

This is something that you could use later on. I don’t think you need it right now. But it is something that you could use later on. So I hope that answers your question. And my only advice to you is to keep doing what you’re doing. Keep having a great, amazing sex life. Keep turning each other on and having lots of great sex. You need it and the world needs more of it. All right. Let’s move on to question number two. My husband doesn’t like to try other positions. Do you have any ideas on how to get him to try new positions? Yes, yes, I do. Now,

again, what I find interesting about this question is much like the one before it, it’s the reverse as far as which gender usually complains about this thing. So very often it’s the male complaining that the woman doesn’t want to do any other position than say, missionary, and he wants to do doggy style and reverse cowgirl, and you know, all these things. And she’s kind of like, I just liked my missionary, it hits me in the right spot, I get off, and let’s just keep it at that. But in this case, it’s the other way around. But the advice is the same really no matter what. So if he’s not interested in trying new positions, well, then that’s fine. He seems to be satisfied with the ones that you are currently doing which you don’t specify what they are. But I’m assuming probably missionary, maybe you on top.

But the way to approach it is not to say, hey, I really want to do this new position, why won’t you try a new position, what you need to do is you need to let him know that this is important to you. And you might want to give him some reasons why you might want to say something like, I need a little bit more variety, you might want to say something like, I think that if we try this position, it’s going to be really stimulating for me and even more orgasmic. Now you don’t mention if the positions that you’re currently doing, you have orgasms in those positions or not. But some positions are better at stimulating certain areas than others. So for instance, maybe you’re doing missionary all the time.

And you have basically a clit orgasm, which is kind of normal for people in that position. either. They’re, they’re stroking their clip themselves during it or the pubic bone is hitting it in just the right way. So a lot of women tend to have clitoral orgasms from that position, but maybe you say to him, I really want to experience a G spot orgasm, or a drawing blank on the word right now. Cervical orgasm, whew. So certain physicians are going to be better at stimulating those areas than others. So just let him know, like, there’s nothing wrong with what he’s doing right?

Just say, there’s nothing wrong with these positions. I love these positions. And you feel so good when you’re inside me in those positions. But I was wondering if we could try this because I want to see if I can have an even more intense G spot orgasm, or cervical orgasm, right? And just let him know that this is something that you need for you, and that the more pleasure you experience, the more pleasure he’s likely to experience. And that’s really, when it comes to getting your partner to try anything sexually. It’s kind of the same advice, right?

Which is, don’t give them a hard time. Don’t make them wrong for liking what they like, and make it more about you, and what you need. And you know, and let them know, hey, look, if it’s not working for you, then we won’t do it anymore. Because you know, some positions work better for one person, and not so good for the other. depending on you know, the shape of your bodies, how healthy you are, how old or young you are. So a certain position might work really, really well for one partner, and not so great for the other. And so just let them know, hey, look, if we try this, and it’s really not working for you, we don’t have to do it again. So that would be my advice, make it about you.

Make sure that he knows that what he’s already doing is great. But you just want to expand maybe you’re hoping to have some different types of orgasms or some different type of stimulation and see how that goes. Different sex positions is not usually too difficult a challenge to get a partner to try. A lot of times when people ask similar questions to this, they’re trying to get them to try maybe different toys or go to a sex club or have a threesome or, you know, go to a sex party even as a monogamous couple all things that generally do push boundaries.

So they’re a little bit harder to enroll your partner in if they’re really not into it. But it should be pretty easy to get your partner to say hey, you know what, because I love you and because you really want this I’m willing to try it. That shouldn’t be too hard. All right. All right. Question number three. Unfortunately, the biggest challenge I have in my love life is the fact that I don’t have one. I have been living in a sexless marriage for the past five years or so. My wife told me she has no interest in sex at all. And that was that. This is rather embarrassing to say, but I haven’t actually had sex for nearly five years. Thank God for Pornhub haha. As I write this, I find it so hard to believe that it’s actually been five years without any intimacy with a woman.

This is soul destroying, and I’m very, I am a very sexual person. And just love intimacy, giving and receiving pleasure, the absence of love and intimacy in my life hurts me so much inside. It’s like a part of my soul that’s missing. I really feel that one, not because I’ve experienced it before, but I can really feel the emotion, the words that you use in here, things like soul-crushing, hurts me so much inside part of my soul that’s missing. That’s big stuff. That’s big stuff. So, okay. This does happen in relationships, especially people have been together for a long time. Where do we start with this? Okay? You said that your wife told you that she has no interest in sex at all. And that was that. I don’t know if at this point, you can bring this subject up again, I don’t know what the communication is, like, I don’t know how touchy a subject this is how many times you’ve tried to bring it up or talk about it.

But in general, my first suggestion is to really have a heart-to-heart talk about it and say, Okay, you say you don’t have any interest in sex anymore? You know, can you tell me why? And you’d be surprised that it could be lots of things. Now. If she’s older, it could be that her hormones have changed, she might have really low testosterone levels. So putting her on a hormone protocol, such as we talked with Dr. Platt, I don’t remember what episode that was. But we did an interview, you can go look for bioidentical hormones and Dr. With Dr. Platt. So you know, a combination of potentially progesterone and low dose testosterone, you might bring her sex drive back, it could be some sort of trauma that’s there, where she finally just decided that, okay, she just doesn’t want it anymore.

Because it triggers that trauma. It could be, you know, something else is happening in the relationship where she’s simply not attracted to you anymore for some particular reason. I don’t know what the reason is, and I’m not sure if you know what the reason is. But my suggestion is to really sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk about that. As part of that talk, if you get to the place where she’s just like look, at that’s just the way it is, I’m not interested in fixing it, I don’t want to do anything about it, I’m perfectly happy the way I am. This happens, we do run into couples where this happens.

The next thing is to express to her, Okay, I understand that. And I would never want to force you to do anything that you don’t want to do. But I do need you to know how important this is to me. And how this is negatively affecting my life, my happiness. And that might be a little bit difficult for her to hear. But you do need to speak up and let her know where you’re at. She may not realize that this is soul-crushing hurting you inside and feels like a part of your soul missing. Maybe she doesn’t realize it’s that big of a deal for you. I don’t know, because you don’t, you know, it’s a question. Right?

You can only put so much in there. But, you know, that’s one of the things I would want to know is Is she really aware how important this is to you. If it if she is aware of that, and she’s just like, well, whatever. Okay, that’s one thing. But if she’s not aware, she might then be willing to actually do something about it once she realizes how important this is to you. Okay,

I don’t want you to issue an ultimatum because ultimatums never work. So in other words, don’t go into the conversation saying, Look, if this doesn’t change, or if I don’t get some sex somehow, I’m going to leave you or anything like that. That’s not going to get you what it is that you want. So what you do want to do, though is express to her that you are a sexual being that having a healthy sex life is really important to you, you want to assuming that this is true, by the way, you also wanted to tell her that you really love her, and that you’re committed to her, and that you’re not going to leave her.

Right, make sure that she knows all of that make sure that she feels really safe. And that she really trusts that when you say those things, you really mean them. And then try shifting the conversation to are there other ways that you would be okay with, for me to get this need met, so that you don’t have to be the one to fulfill it. So this is something we talk about a lot when we’re talking with poly couples or people that want to open their relationship. A lot of times, the reason they want to do that is because their partner either isn’t willing to or can’t meet all of their needs. But that doesn’t mean you have to throw the baby out with the bathwater, right? Like maybe the relationship is spectacular.

In every other way. You love each other, you live well together, you’re raising kids or you have raised kids or you have a business together, or whatever it is,  you might have a great life together, but this one part. And so you don’t have to throw the entire thing out. Two people can work together in a mature fashion to figure out how somebody’s needs can be met. And so there’s lots of other ways, you know, maybe she’s okay with you getting an erotic massage, from time to time. Maybe she’s okay with you actually having another lover?

These are things that you need to discuss, like, what would you be okay, with? How can I, as an individual, have the needs that are important to me met while making sure that you feel safe? And know that there’s no danger here? And yeah, that’s pretty much the conversation that you need to have. They can be difficult conversations. Not every partner is willing to have the conversation. But you have to at least try because if you don’t, here’s what tends to happen. For whatever reason, and then we’ve seen this way too many times. They, one of the partners in the couple tried to have the discussion, it didn’t go well. They didn’t want to go through that again. So they just said I’m not bringing it up again.

Well, you know, time goes by months, years, whatever, they are completely sexually frustrated. And what did they end up doing? Cheating. So they ended up having affairs outside of their relationship, I never, ever recommend that ever. It is so so much better. If the two of you can find a way to still be together and be happy, and have your needs met. Now, sometimes that’s not always possible. And if the need is strong enough, then you might want to consider whether or not you should stay in this relationship. You’ve heard Céline. And I say this many times, we love love, we are champions of love and relationship and connection. And we really never want to be the ones to tell a couple they shouldn’t stay together.

But it has happened on occasion where we’ve had to do that we’ve had to just be honest and say, Look, you know, the goals and the desires, the needs, the wants that you both have are so different, that I don’t think you’re ever going to meet anywhere even close to the middle. And sometimes that happens. But I would say that there’s probably a lot of ways that you could get that those needs that you have met and still be in the relationship provided that the relationship is good in other ways.

So that is my advice for you. Sit down and have a really heart-to-heart, adult mature emotionally mature conversation, make sure that you reinsure reassure her that you’re not going anywhere that this isn’t because she’s not, you know, good enough or anything like that, that you know she’s made it clear that she doesn’t want to provide that for you and you would like to have that need met elsewhere. I’m assuming and I don’t know this, but I’m assuming that you guys are a little bit older. And one thing that we have seen a lot is and I’m just Gonna go back through it again, to reiterate, is the hormone issue.

We have seen a lot of women have vaginal pain when they’re post-menopause during intercourse, which makes them not want to have sex. We’ve also seen their testosterone levels really crater which makes them not want to have sex. Sometimes you can fix those problems and then the sex drive returns. So that’s a possibility as well. All right. Let’s take a short break from answering questions before we get to our last two. To hear from our sponsor. Support for the Love Lab podcast is brought to you by manscaped who is the best in men’s below-the-waist grooming their products are precision-engineered tools for your family jewels. manscaped performance package is the Ultimate Men’s hygiene bundle join over 7 million men.

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This is an interesting one and it does come up from time to time or at least some version of this. says I have struggled with anxiety especially in the mornings for a long time. Whenever I massage my testicles and stretch them before bed and first thing in the morning I do not have anxiety. Is there some type of correlation there? Does testicle massage increase dopamine, serotonin, and testosterone? Great question. I’m gonna have to answer that in two parts. Is there a correlation? Yes. Okay. Yes, there is a correlation.

Massage in general is known to boost dopamine levels by up to 30%. So if you go researching on the Internet ways to increase dopamine, you will often see massage at or near the top of the list. One of the reasons is, is because it’s relaxing. It’s relaxing and it puts you in that parasympathetic nervous system, which is really important. That’s where healing happens in the parasympathetic, right? So, yes, so massaging your testicles, assuming that you’re doing it in a way that’s relaxing and not somehow pulling too hard and hurting yourself could increase dopamine levels and definitely help you let go of some of that anxiety. Now, what about testosterone levels?

This is a big question. There is evidence to suggest that it does. But unfortunately, we do not have any hard-core scientific studies to prove that. So if you listened to the episode that we did with Dr. Brandeis, I think it was called the modern disaster of men’s sexual health with Dr. Judson Brandeis. And Céline actually asked him that question like about testicle massage? His answer was, well, I don’t know about that. I’ve never seen any studies that prove that doing testicle massage would actually increase testosterone. And he is an expert in the field. He is one of the top urologists specializing in men’s sexual health. And not to say that he is the end all be all of the discussion.

But he’s right in the sense that you won’t really find a hardcore study, you know, that’s placebo, randomized, double blind, blah, blah, blah. Of course, as is often the case, nobody will do that study to prove it. Because there’s no money to be made. What happens if they go? Oh, yeah, it does. Huh? Then what happens to say TRT cells? Right. Right. So they are the HRT that hormone replacement therapy, also known as testosterone replacement therapy for TRT. So no one’s really going to do that study. But if you get out on the interwebs, and you start searching this, you will find a lot of testimonials from people who say that it does help.

My own experience is that it does. Those of you who’ve seen maybe our YouTube videos on testicle massage, know that Céline every morning, when we would wake up and we’d be cuddling for a few minutes would give me a testicle massage. And I definitely noticed the difference. Now did I do a controlled study where I had my testosterone checked first. And then we did that for a certain number of times. And the check, no, we didn’t do that. We probably should have since this is the Love Lab. But it’s a little late for that now. Maybe that’s something we could do in the future.

But anecdotally, there’s a lot of evidence to suggest that it does. Now. One of the reasons that might be is because doing massage, and this is true of massaging any part of your body increases blood flow. So when you increase blood flow in the testicles, you’re going to increase the function of the testicles. And that’s really the goal of doing the testicle massage. It’s to support the healthy function of the testicles. So if you are doing a daily testicle massage, and increasing blood flow to that area, your testicles are likely to work more efficiently, which means they will probably produce more and healthier sperm as well as more testosterone. Again, I can’t tell you 100% That that is true.

But I can tell you that from the work that we’ve done over the years, my own personal experience, and from what you will read if you research this on the internet, there are a lot of other people who have similar experiences to what Selena and I have had. So I wouldn’t say necessarily the increasing testosterone is going to lower your anxiety. But increasing dopamine certainly can and putting you in your parasympathetic certainly can. And then of course increasing your testosterone is going to help with your libido. It’s going to increase your libido.

It’s going to make it easier to put on lean muscle mass if you’re if you’re into working out and trying to build mass. It’s going to make you more assertive more as a masculine man. I mean, testosterone is what drives us men to be men. That’s it’s what. It’s what makes us to some extent, who we are as men and so yeah, if you increase your testosterone, you’re going to See, some of those things shift as well. So kudos to you for doing this every day. Obviously, you’re noticing some benefits from it. So just keep doing it. Regardless of what the research says, if the research says it does or doesn’t doesn’t matter, what matters is your personal experience. Do you feel more at ease and less anxiety when you do it? And if the answer to that is yes, then it is absolutely working for you and just keep doing it.

Yeah, baby. Yeah, if it’s working for you keep doing it. All right, we’ve got one last one here. And it’s a little bit more of a statement than it is an actual question. But it was important, and I wanted to throw it in there. It says, You are right, when you mentioned a man try something, but it is too fast or not what she wants, something else has to change. That can be a big turnoff for man, because he feels that what he did was the wrong choice. And that he does not understand the woman and then is confused, or most important takes it personally.

This is when his mind closes and he feels threatened. My big point here is that the man should not take it personally, with an open mind, the man should think to himself, well, let me go slower or touch a different way, or change the tempo to see how she reacts or try for a change of mood. This, I think, is the big crossroads when in bed, not to become desperate, just ease up, don’t lose your confidence and think you made a mistake that cannot be solved. And again, don’t take nonpositive feedback as a nonpositive reflection on yourself. Again, it’s not a question, but I wanted to throw it in here. It did come to us from a listener. And he’s absolutely right. He’s absolutely right. And so I thought it was really worth throwing in here at the end of the show.

You have heard Céline And I talked about this many times. What a woman wants or needs in any given moment, is subject to change. That’s just the nature of who they are. And this is why we tell guys all the time, like when you learn a certain move, like oh, I stroke her clit a certain way and it works every time. Okay, but there will be a time in which that doesn’t work in that particular moment doesn’t mean it’s not going to work again in the future. It just means that in that moment, that’s not what you wanted or needed. It’s really, really important to give women what they want and need if you want to have good sex or great sex, and if you want to have sex frequently.

So yeah, don’t take it personally. Because sometimes she doesn’t even know what she wants. Sometimes, you know, Celine would even say to me, sometimes she’s like, I know, it’s crazy. She’s like, but I just that’s not working for me today, I need something else. And I’m sorry. And I’m like, No, that you don’t need to apologize. You just tell me what it is you need what it is you want. Women are you know, they’re often described as like the water, right? They’re always moving one way or another flowing this way or that way, subject to change directions. And that’s okay.

And that’s fine. Honestly, I think it might be a little bit boring. If it was just always the same old thing. Like, always do this move. She has an orgasm. Great, okay. That’s kind of fun. At least it was for me with saline. Sometimes you figure out like, Okay, well, I’m doing this today. She’s kind of liking it, but it’s not taking her where it usually takes her. What else can I try? Right and to just try things and have fun with it and just be playful and, you know, look for feedback from her.

So this is a really great point that you brought up, please, guys don’t take it personally, when a woman says she doesn’t like something. It’s not necessarily a reflection on you or your skill at all. It could potentially be that you’re doing something wrong. But even if you are, that’s okay. Because do you know how we get really good at being lovers as men. We listen to what the women want, and we give it to them. That’s how we get really good at it. We don’t just create our own playbook and just say, Okay, this is what we do. And we’re just going to keep going until we find a woman who actually likes it and it works on gnome. Every woman is different. And we go out there on the playing field, so to speak. And we try different plays. And if that play doesn’t work, we try something else. And that’s just the way it goes and honestly, have fun with it. Make

a game out of it. You know, ask for her feedback. Watch for her feedback. What is her face doing? Is it squinting up? I don’t really like that or is it like eyes rolling in the back of her head? Is she flush? Are her labia swollen? Have they changed colors? Is she really wet? Is she dry? Like just look at all those things and adjust accordingly. Don’t take it personally have a lot of fun sex is meant to be fun. It’s supposed to be fun and stimulating. So don’t overthink it too much. Don’t take it personally, when in doubt, just ask her, she will most likely tell you what she wants or needs.

And if she says, I don’t really know, just say, Okay, let’s just try a few different things and see, see what works. And then you tell me. Do you like this? Do you not like this? Is this good? Is it only a little good? Is it really good? Like, have fun with it? Really? Just have fun with it. All right, everybody. That is all I have for listener questions for this episode. This episode is going to air at the very end of the year. It is our last episode for 2022. I want to thank everybody who has supported this show. I want to thank all the people on social media and YouTube who said that they will still continue to support the show even without Celine here. Really appreciate it. I’m gonna keep showing up. So hopefully you do too. All right, everybody. That’s all I have for this episode. And I’ll see you next year.

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Céline Remy 41:23
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Céline remy.com forward slash vault. That’s c e l i n e r e m ey.com forward slash vault.

Kevin Anthony 41:37
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 41:39
And remember, you’re amazing