The Art Of Fingering

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 149. And it’s titled The Art of fingering. So we’ve been doing lots of interviews lately, we’ve had some really amazing guests on if you haven’t caught up with some of them, please go back and listen to those because there are amazing gems in every one of them.

Kevin Anthony 0:50
But today, we decided we need to take a break, we need to get back to doing what Celine and I do best, which is giving you great advice when it comes to your sex, your love life, and your relationships. So today we are going to be talking about fingering.

Céline Remy 1:09
You know, some say that sex is like pizza, when it’s bad, it’s still good. But as a woman, I have to say that I disagree with that concept. Bad sex is still bad sex. And when it comes to fingering, I’ve had plenty of share of bad experiences as well as good experiences.

Céline Remy 1:25
So we figured out that we could combine all the things we’ve learned through over two decades of practice, fingering, practice receiving giving, and all of that and give you a crash course in how to finger a woman like a bra.

Kevin Anthony 1:40
Yeah, and you know, some of this obviously comes from our own personal experience, but some of it comes from working with clients, too. Sometimes we work with clients and it’s like, okay, it’s your turn touch your woman and they have no idea what to do.

Kevin Anthony 1:56
And like, he’s fumbling around like, I’m not sure what to do. She’s like, given weird looks like. Right, you know, so a lot of this comes really from also the work that we do, we can see that this information needs to be out there.

Céline Remy 2:13
Well, there is an art to touching women, and it’s so much more than sticking your finger in her pussy. So we are going to give all of that to you. Right. So well. Let’s start maybe with our whys.

Kevin Anthony 2:29
Okay, why would you want to finger? How about we do our sponsor first?

Céline Remy 2:33
Oh my gosh, I’m so excited. I’m like getting straight into it. Well, let’s give you first a little break to four and a big shout out to our sponsors. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in that and know how to finger a woman like a pro, then check out power and mastery.

Céline Remy 2:49
It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer in the bedroom or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and math.com.

Kevin Anthony 3:02
Yes.

Céline Remy 3:04
Yes, this is Kevin playing with side effects. So it’s like taking me by surprise. You might get funeral ovations and other things coming into the show. But yes, yes. Yes, power and mastery.com. So why would you want to finger a woman?

Kevin Anthony 3:20
That is a great question. There are actually multiple answers to that. So most people are probably thinking, well, because it’s sex. Well, yeah, that is that is one of the answers. That’s the first one which is its great foreplay, it is a form of sexual contact. And it is great foreplay, it’s a great way to get your woman to relax and get her in the mood, get the juices flowing.

Céline Remy 3:49
Absolutely. Now, if you take it further, it’s another great way to release tension, because we all hold tensions and you know, our vaginas have a lot of tensions, we’ve got muscles, and when something’s died, it just is tight. And so that can help to release that tension.

Kevin Anthony 4:10
So the next one is to help get her and potentially you out of your head

Céline Remy 4:15
into your fingers.

Kevin Anthony 4:18
And your fingers and your body in general, right. So a lot of times people wait to have sex until it’s you know, late in the evening, you’ve done your whole day of work, you’ve done all your chores, you’ve put the kids to bed, you’re basically exhausted, there are a million things running around in your head, you’re already starting to think about all the stuff that you have to do tomorrow. Right?

Kevin Anthony 4:40
So you’re very much stuck in your head. This is pretty common. So this is a great way to kind of start easy like a lot of our clients are alike, but how do I go from like that to sex, you know, like, how do I go from that crazy day and then get into sex? Well, that’s one of the things that foreplay is good at.

Kevin Anthony 5:01
You know, if you, if you can very easily get into a mood and you’re like, you know, rock hard and she’s dripping wet immediately, okay, maybe you don’t need to do it, you can still do it because it’s fun. But if you need that time to kind of de-stress and relax, get out of your head get into your body, it is a fantastic way to do that.

Céline Remy 5:23
Another thing too bad fingering is that it can help to increase pleasure because I’m going to combine two here together, so it increases pleasure, but also it awakens new pleasure zones. So most women way that the way they can reach orgasm is by having enough stimulation, and it’s a rhythmic stimulation that creates that friction that then leads to an orgasm.

Céline Remy 5:46
And in doing the fingerings you can have more targeted stimulation into an area that feels really good. And now also when you hold tension when you’ve had the traumatizing experience of just about being human, by the way, I think most of us as women have said yes when we met to say no, we got penetrated when we weren’t fully ready. We had gynecological appointments that shoved a speculum really cold speculum up our vaginas, like, without notice.

Céline Remy 6:17
So so many ways, or even ourselves, we just like put a finger or, or a tampon up without thinking it through. So we use to not fully listen to our body. And when that happens, we armor ourselves. And when that armoring happens, then we numb ourselves out most of the time. So it could go either way that it could ever be very painful, and then too much pain that we can be touched or numb ourselves out. And so through a practice of massage, we can learn to feel things again and awaken our pleasure zones.

Kevin Anthony 6:50
Yeah, absolutely. So in this case, we’re talking less about, you know, foreplay, and pleasure and more about, you know, a healing practice, really.

Céline Remy 7:01
And I think it’s a really important distinction that you’re bringing to the table here, Kevin because there are two ways of doing fingering there is the I’m gonna get you from point A to point B and have an explosive orgasm, we hope Fingers crossed. And there is the other approach that it doesn’t really matter wherever it goes, it’s more about the journey and the healing that happens.

Céline Remy 7:24
And it all depends on the intention and on the container that you set for the experience. And I think it’s important to be able to do both, like sometimes you may want to have like more of that direct stimulation and like really trying to get somewhere but most of the time a woman will be really happy with a healing experience that has no goal but just being present with what arises.

Kevin Anthony 7:48
Yeah, and so you know, obviously you can use it, you know, as part of your sexual play. But you could also, as Celine was just saying, make it its own thing, right with just say, Okay, I’m going to set up the scene for you, I’m going to turn on the fireplace, put on some soft music, dim the lights a little bit, set a really comfortable place.

Kevin Anthony 8:08
And the only thing that’s going to happen here is I’m just going to do a vaginal pussy, massage, external-internal, do some fingering and your entire job as the moment is to just lay there and relax and receive.

Céline Remy 8:25
And that you know that there’s nothing afterward that you will have to give back to do something that’s just about having 45 minutes, one hour, hour and a half, whatever time you set up for this practice, and that it’s all about you, and there’s nothing else that’s needed from you. And that’s a fascinating new way of approaching fingering, for sure.

Kevin Anthony 8:47
Alright, so that’s a lot of wise, I think you should probably be convinced at this point that it’s a good thing to do. But let’s talk now, and we’re not going to spend too much time on this, because this could actually be an entire show in and of itself. Like we can really dive down into the anatomy and get into all the different spots and how to access the mom.

Kevin Anthony 9:08
But it’s not really the scope of this particular show. But we do want to mention that there are indeed different spots or different zones inside a woman and outside that you could stimulate. So we want to talk a little bit about that. And then we’ll dive into the actual technique of like, how do we do all this.

Céline Remy 9:27
Most people are familiar with the G spot which isn’t really a “spot”, it’s more of an area and in my experience, that area can change and move because it’s not a one spot as you get more aroused, and you’ve got the tenting that happens, which means like the pooling and all the blood flow and expansion that happens, the pleasure zones will vary.

Céline Remy 9:50
And so the G spot or G area has been most common or known for people where they’re like okay, I kind of understand where it is and the other A new spot that I would want to bring in is the A-spot which is a little bit deeper. So let’s talk about how you can hit that spot those spots. Just to give you a picture that you can hit the spot with your fingers.

Céline Remy 10:11
So you want to curl them in a hook and insert them an inch to two inches inside the vagina. Now z, the G spot is not deep in, it’s really easy to feel it. And this is also a good point to bring up because a lot of guys that who are not maybe as big with their penises, they’re like, oh, I’m not big enough. Like the G area, the G spot is like an inch to two inches in, like your DNS is big enough to reach that.

Kevin Anthony 10:39
Yeah, any penis is big enough to reach that. And you know, we’ve done episodes on this before. So I just want to state this and get it out of the way and then we’ll just move on, the G spot does exist. I still hear for men, it’s a myth. No, it is not a myth. It exists

Céline Remy 10:54
in this again, it’s an area it’s, it’s a whole thing of spongy tissues that get filled up with fluids and blood. And if there is something that happens if you feel it, and there are nerves as it’s innervated. So then it gets that connection to the orgasm. So once you’re inside the vagina, and you’re bad an inch to two inches, and so you go upright, you feel the spongy tissues, which is kind of this the G spot, it’s also called the urethral sponge just for all of the geeks out there who like to know the terms.

Céline Remy 11:28
And if you push your finger up another two inches, then that should be the A-spot. So it’s an interior sport, it’s a little bit deeper, what I found in my personal experience is I tend to enjoy the more towards the entrance and the beginning. And as I get more aroused and my vagina swells up and I get more into it, I will enjoy more of deeper penetration, deeper fingering that can happen so more towards the A-spot. I also do want to mention the cervix because you can reach the cervix, the cervix is that little the OS of the serving as the opening of the cervix.

Céline Remy 12:08
That’s that little button per se, I don’t even know if we could call it a donor type shape where it’s like you hit that spot. That’s the end, where it bottoms out. Right. And not every woman can reach that cervix easily, you usually have to get into a different position to be able to reach it with the fingers. Because again, depending on how the cervix and her uterus are that’s how it works. But the cervix is another great great great, great place to be stimulated.

Céline Remy 12:36
That’s so under-stimulated many women love cervical orgasms, but the cervix does not like to be poked and probed. It likes to be gently teased, and everything first needs to be aroused and awakened before you get to the cervix. Hmm, that was a long-winded answer that I shared with you here of all.

Kevin Anthony 12:59
But good stuff, all good stuff to know. And yeah, as we said, that could be a whole show in and of itself. So I think that is sufficient for this particular episode.

Céline Remy 13:08
So if the only thing you take out of everything that we just shared so far, there’s not just one spot, there are multiple spots, they are areas, and that they can change and evolve during a session and over time. So don’t be so fixated. And when you are inside, you got to go in and up. That’s where the zones are. However, you can go in and down to the water a nose. And that’s the Paranal sponge, which can feel really good too.

Kevin Anthony 13:37
Yeah, so you know, if you know all the spots, and you’re specifically looking for them, and you know how to find them on your particular woman, that’s great. And if you don’t know any of those spots, that’s okay, too, because part of what we’ll talk about in the steps is to try things and look for feedback. And we’ll get there. So, so let’s dive now into the steps of how to use your fingers, right?

Kevin Anthony 14:02
So people are gonna say, well, it’s easy, you just kind of stick it in there and move it around. Well, that’s not exactly the case. And we have 15 steps here on how to do this correctly. Yeah, I know, believe me, I was not intending for us to write 15 steps, but I literally just sat down and wrote everything that you would want to know about this. And it turned out to be 15 steps. So

Céline Remy 14:24
well, I mentioned too, that I started the writing and then you double-checked it and you actually got so turn down that you were 15 steps in with a bonner.

Kevin Anthony 14:33
on that is correct. Which is that yes, you gave me a starting point to go with, and then as I started thinking about it and writing more down I totally got turned down the voter in the office. One of the benefits of doing this show, you know, sometimes your work is stimulating.

Céline Remy 14:55
You know, we totally forgot to do a little like disclosure at the beginning of this show that This was going to be a rather explicit show. I mean, probably, if you are a listener of the Love Live podcast or regular, you kind of know that we just put it all out there for you. But hey, you may want to put on your headphones. Let’s talk. Let’s talk about these steps here. Number one, you want to keep your fingers and nails tidy.

Kevin Anthony 15:20
Oh, yeah, so these are like pre-steps, like things that people don’t think about.

Céline Remy 15:24
But it is so important. This is why I put it as number one, it’s something it’s a pet peeve of mine, where I’m like if I see a man that who does not have good hands like that his nails are dirty, are way too long, the hands just don’t look good. There is no way that I want those hands inside me. And a lot of women feel that way. And it also means washing your hands.

Céline Remy 15:47
You know, like, it doesn’t matter that you’ve been together for many years. It’s about showing, like being respectful of your partner, knowing that whatever you touch this like things, and if you’re going to be touching your partner, you want to come with clean hands and tidy nails.

Kevin Anthony 16:03
Absolutely. So you know, you have an interesting and unique perspective on that. Because not only are you a woman who has fingers used on her, but due to the nature of the work that you do, you actually use fingers on other women as well. And so you know what it’s like to be on the other end. And you always make sure that your nails are tight. Of course, you wear gloves, but even with gloves, you could still poke somebody with a sharp now,

Céline Remy 16:27
absolutely, I keep my nails really short, I will always go and wash my hands before I put on my gloves. So that’s just how it is. And you know, if you have something on next, or cut something or sharp like it’s okay to use gloves with your partner. I mean, gloves can make things really smooth and easier. And they can help to go from one place to another but we’ll come back to that. That’s right.

Céline Remy 16:53
Let’s talk about step number two, Kevin.

Kevin Anthony 16:55
Step number two is to communicate as we always say communication is lubrication. So you know, communicate, like, you know, ask her if that’s something that she would like or, you know if you start massaging different parts of her body or maybe her labor and say oh, how does this feel Is this okay? That sort of thing.

Céline Remy 17:17
Another great communication piece is to share with her what you enjoy about her. So to give some appreciation and to give some observation, especially a lot of women feel insecure about their genitals and to hear that you find her lady as beautiful or the way she smells she looks or that she’s opening up she’s getting swollen.

Céline Remy 17:38
Most of us have a disconnect where we don’t quite filter down in our head and we’re thinking our bodies are not turned on and so having a validation from the outside that says I can see you your vagina, your pussy, your Yoni however you name your partner’s privates.

Céline Remy 17:55
She is getting in gorgeous for our being it’s rather it’s deeper, it’s pulsing, it’s getting lubricated, that helps her to tune in to what’s going on inside. And that’s a really good way to about that communication. And communication can also be about like, using, like dirty talking like using your words to turn each other on.

Kevin Anthony 18:20
We’re gonna get there. That’s step number six. Number six has a few sub-steps.

Céline Remy 18:27
Well, let’s talk about step number three.

Kevin Anthony 18:30
Right so right now these first four steps are kind of like the pre-steps.

Céline Remy 18:35
Right? Pretty joy. So step number three is about you taking the lead. And maybe I think actually Kevin should be going and explaining that a little bit. Well, actually, I’ll give you my opinion here.

Kevin Anthony 18:49
Yes, you take the lead first, and then I’ll take the lead.

Céline Remy 18:53
What I mean by taking the lead is a lot of women want to we want you to be assertive. Sometimes you might fake our she was very to be aggressive and be the man. I guess that’s not what we mean. We want you to be assertive.

Céline Remy 19:06
We don’t want you to be fumbling around. Is that okay? am I hurting you? Or you’re right? How about this is that you know, this is not about taking the lead and taking the lead is? Come here. I’m going to massage you come here. I’m going to do this for you.

Kevin Anthony 19:24
That gets a big Yes. Okay, so next out. Did you want me to say more about that? Because I thought you did a pretty good job.

Céline Remy 19:33
Okay. Well, if you had anything else to add, go for it.

Kevin Anthony 19:37
Yeah, it’s really just about, you know, stepping up and taking the lead. And we’ve talked about this so many times on the show, about the difference between taking the lead and taking over and dominating. That’s not what we’re talking about. Here. We’re talking about, like, showing some initiative, you know, to be like, hey, I want to do this for you.

Kevin Anthony 19:58
So alright. And last of the pre-steps is to set the stage have things ready and handy. So, setting the stage could be lots of things. And then this is again, something we talked about all the time. But let’s just say you were going to do this as a healing practice is something you were going to offer to your woman.

Kevin Anthony 20:18
Maybe you put on some very low relaxing music, you dim the lights, you create a nice, soft, comfy place for her to lay down. You have the lube ready if you need it, like what take all of those things to create a beautiful experience because that’s going to help her relax so much more. And she’s really going to enjoy the experience a lot more.

Céline Remy 20:45
Temperature is very important. Make sure that it’s warm because when we feel warm, we can relax, we can relax our nervous system when it’s cold, we tense up when we tense up, we are more in like our fight-flight-freeze mode. And there’s is not a place where we can reach our orgasms and surrender.

Kevin Anthony 21:03
That’s right, as a friend of ours used to say, if you want to get women naked, you better make it warm. And he was correct. Okay, so that’s all the kind of like stuff the pre stuff, right? You know. So let’s talk about what happens when you actually start to do this. So step number six is called warm her body up. What do we mean by that? Because that can mean several things.

Kevin Anthony 21:29
Step number five. Oh, that’s weird. Yeah, it miss numbered itself, the app auto numbers things, but technically, you’re right, it is five, but it says six here on the note. So anyway, warm her body up. So I think when it comes to warming a woman up, you should really start with talking. And this is something that we sort of mentioned before, right? In our pre-steps, we’re talking about communication.

Kevin Anthony 21:56
But you know, we always say with men the best ways to go how to go straight to their cock, right? But women, it’s totally the opposite. And women are such mental-emotional creatures, that really a great way to get the sort of in the game, so to speak, is to start by just simply talking to them. Like something was saying earlier, tell her things that you appreciate about her. Tell her how beautiful her labia looks, you know, tell her all kinds of things that that alone can do more than any physical touch itself.

Céline Remy 22:32
Absolutely, then kissing, kissing is very important. You want to bring in some cases, in many ways, French casings and little pegs like chest engaging her body.

Kevin Anthony 22:45
So I know, for instance, with Celine, that if I give her a good deep tongue kiss, the water just starts to flow.

Céline Remy 22:55
It definitely takes me to that next level, especially when let’s say we’re making love and you add the kissing there. I’ve totally like open up and like feel even more. So for sure kissing is an important step that you don’t want to skip over.

Kevin Anthony 23:11
Absolutely. And then the third one on here and warming the body up is to touch other parts of her body first and this. We’ll talk about it more when we get into the mistakes. But one of the big mistakes men make is they go straight for the Posey.

Céline Remy 23:26
Absolutely, absolutely. You don’t want to do that. So again, with a man it’s a bull’s eyes, we go straight to the genitals and we spread this energy to the rest of the body with the woman you want to think the other way. You want to bring the energy towards her genital and help her connect with that part of her body. So touch other parts first before you get to the hot zones, and that includes her breasts and her pussy. Okay, to other places start with her feet. Exactly. back I mean so many different things

Kevin Anthony 24:00
shoulders.

Céline Remy 24:02
We’ve got three guides on like with the erogenous zones that you can download for free. I’ll put the link in the description below. It’s in our sex vaults,

Céline Remy 24:12
right? It is in our sex vault. So if you’re not yet on our list, make sure you join you can access that guide it has like 21 erogenous zones on a woman.

Kevin Anthony 24:20
Yeah. 21 I think it’s 21 erogenous zones before you get to her question her pussy. Okay, so let’s, let’s look at step number six.

Céline Remy 24:31
Okay, so before, before now that you’ve like prepared her, what you want to do is you want to start on the outside before you go in and you want to gently rub her Libya. You want to go around the intruders, which is the entrance of the vagina. You want to slightly stroke the glitters I mean, there is a whole method to this and we teach it to you in our courses, sexual mastery at powerandmastery.com

Kevin Anthony 25:01
Yeah, and so you know, I really had to break this down like not just say I’ll just start on the outside, like break it down and have some of the different places you could touch because unfortunately another thing that men often do is Yeah, I know how to finger a woman I take my finger and I stick it in her vagina, right?

Kevin Anthony 25:18
There’s so much more that you could do and she will love it will drive her absolutely wild. If you start slowly, you have outer labia, you have inner labia, you have this little like really sensitive space between the outer and inner labia that’s a nice distro you know you’ve got the introit is kind of teasing just around the entrance but not in the entrance.

Céline Remy 25:45
That place that’s called the fourchette is that U shape at the bottom. I mean there are so many different areas and you want to tease them you want to maybe help her grounds and so even just pressing your palm flat on her pussy and putting a little weight and having her breathe and come into her body and feel the heat of your hand.

Céline Remy 25:46
Connecting even before you do anything one hand on her sex one hand on her heart and getting you to just like that these two to connect and breathing together. This will go a long way in helping her feel safe in relaxing and opening up and you never want to penetrate a woman unless she is aroused. And when she is aroused you see a difference in the lady the other lady as are in gorged, we have lady boners we get the same swelling it’s more internal but we see external star signs.

Kevin Anthony 26:39
Absolutely. And if you actually do everything that we’ve told you thus far by the time you do get to penetration trust me You’re not going to need any lube because she’s gonna be so turned on so open so dripping wet at this point, you’re not going to need anything else.

Céline Remy 26:54
Well, I do want to say like I really want to bring in the loop anyway because it’s I want to make sure there’s a stigma that sometimes like Oh, she wasn’t wet enough. There are times in life when a woman is stressed or when her hormones are changing that lubrication can be different. Do not be shy to use lube or oral something to make sure things are slippery and that’s our next step before you go in make sure so check is she lubricated? Is she not? If it’s not enough just put

Kevin Anthony 27:22
in use lube Of course if necessary apply. Alright, time for a word from our second sponsor, which again this week is me. Hey, guys, do you know what makes a man great you know the kind of masculine man that women are irresistibly attracted to in one is it money job title, physical body, being great in bed, a big penis, great pickup lines. But what if you do not have any of those? Or what if you only have some of those?

Kevin Anthony 27:52
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Kevin Anthony 28:18
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Céline Remy 28:47
Alright, so now let’s go in. She is turned down, arouse her body has been awakened. There’s some lubrication happening. Tip number eight here is to enter her very slowly, maybe going part ways in and out a few times or have her suck your finger in using her muscles. Like, don’t just jam it in there, like give her body time to open up but to just like be like, Okay, I’m welcoming you in at my own pace. This is very important if you want her to get even wetter. Just tell her those three little words. Take your time.

Kevin Anthony 29:28
Those are good words. Absolutely, definitely go slowly. Another big mistake men make which we will cover in our list of mistakes. So number 10. Start with one finger. We all know that the vagina expands. In fact, it expands big enough to squeeze an entire child out of it. But, but that doesn’t mean you can just jam your hand up in there.

Céline Remy 29:55
Yeah, or your fist. If you’re investing you know, like take your time we don’t you go straight. From like a full phase of three fingers, you work your way to,

Kevin Anthony 30:04
you can get there but you got to go slow. Start with one finger. I know it sounds like such common sense. And yet there are a lot of guys that don’t do it.

Céline Remy 30:11
Yeah, well, sometimes they see something on in movies. And it’s like, yeah, they go straight with two fingers and stuff. These people had fluffers these people got ready to be able to get straight to the heart scenes, not hide

Kevin Anthony 30:23
girls like their 10th porn scene of the day.

Céline Remy 30:29
We’re talking about Tip Number 10 here, which is about using your other hands to touch other parts of her body. It’s really important if you have one hand that’s inside her vagina, her Yoni, that you can do other things with your other hands. Like I mentioned earlier, putting some pressure on her pubic bone can help her ground, stroking up towards her heart and her breasts are down her thighs, it’s moving the energy, it’s helping her ground and beer into her body.

Céline Remy 30:57
It’s just helping her feel good and includes more sensations. It also helps to diffuse the sensations if you have a lot of pleasure, and then you start to teach your body to move this to other body parts so that you can turn yourself into a giant clitoris.

Kevin Anthony 31:13
That sounds cool.

Céline Remy 31:20
It is crowd-approved. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 31:22
Right. Okay, next one. This one’s really huge, which is pay attention to how she responds to what you’re doing. We’re talking about this so much on this show. And in the work that we’re doing, guys, you or ladies, because there could be a lady and the lady to all of these techniques apply? Anybody who happens to be playing with a pussy, this works. You have to pay attention. Is she like making like, Oh, she’s squirming as you’d like moving her hips away or changing the angle or making noises?

Kevin Anthony 31:56
Or is she relaxing more she’s sucking your finger in is she getting more wet are her labia expanding and darkening in color. Like you got to look for all these things. And that will tell you whether or not what you’re doing is working. And you know, I don’t necessarily want to say that what you’re doing is right or wrong. Because it depends on the woman.

Kevin Anthony 32:21
So, you know, there’s so many times in life where like, like, I remember being really young, and like having a girlfriend finally figuring out a way to kiss her that she really liked. Right? And I was like, Okay, I got this kissing thing figured out, right? Then that relationship, you know, transitions and the new one comes in and I go, Okay, I know how to do this.

Kevin Anthony 32:39
And then you do it. She’s like, No, I’m not having it. Now, right? Because it just wasn’t what she liked. And it’s the same thing here. You need to figure out what types of movements what types of things that she really likes. And so you might think you’re a master using your fingers. And it may be it works at eight out of 10 women but maybe it doesn’t work on the ninth one.

Céline Remy 33:04
And I’m also going to put a disclosure that what you what worked yesterday may not be working today.

Kevin Anthony 33:09
Well that’s always another one to hold on to. You’re gonna get a bomb for that one. That’s right. And mileage may vary as they say.

Céline Remy 33:26
Let’s talk about our Tip Number 12. Here, if you’re unsure if she’s liking it, ask for some feedback. But do it in a way that still has some confidence like I was telling you earlier. Like, don’t just be like, Is that okay? am I hurting you? Is that good? It like you can ask something like, is this good pressure? Would you like more pressure, less pressure?

Céline Remy 33:46
Is there another body part you’d like me to touch? Shall I keep it going this way? Is there anything else I could do? You see if you are in this inquiry that can help and you’re still in that zone of taking the lead. You don’t want to ask her too many things so that she’s not just getting too much in her head and then she has to direct you because this is not going to work for her. But it’s okay to ask for some feedback. If she’s not giving you any or if you’re unsure.

Kevin Anthony 34:14
Absolutely don’t turn it into a big heavy experience that turns everybody off, but feel free to ask for some little feedbacks and details to help. Alright, the number that’s actually number 13. I was gonna say 14, but we’re off by one. Don’t have an agenda. You don’t have to take her anywhere. Just let her relax and enjoy the experience. So this is another thing we talked about this when it comes to sex in general. But especially in regards to things like this.

Kevin Anthony 34:46
Just you don’t have to take her to an explosive orgasm. You don’t have to get her so hot that she begs for your cock. Like you don’t have to do anything. This is just about her relaxing and enjoying and receiving and here’s the beauty Have it guys cuz I know like, there’s probably a couple of guys that are listening to this going like, Yeah, all right, whatever. But what’s in it for me, you know, like, Okay, great, you know, sure she gets some fun out.

Kevin Anthony 35:10
But I’m telling you, if you do this with no agenda, if you allow her to just relax and receive, she will return to you the pleasure times 10. Probably, this is just the way it works with women, right? they multiply things, they multiply everything, give them some groceries, and they’ll turn it into an amazing meal, you know, give them your sperm, they’ll turn it into another human being like, they multiply stuff. If you give them the space to be safe and to be relaxed into re-energize, they are going to then take that energy and return it back to you tenfold.

Céline Remy 35:51
And let’s talk about our last tip here is tip number 14. Actually, we said 15, but we have 14, our notes were a little jacked up. So it’s important here, once she is done, ask her what you would like next, snuggle her. Hold her create this container again of like the safety that Kevin is talking about? And then check in over Would you like something else? Something more just or just being held? That will go a long way?

Kevin Anthony 36:18
Yeah, cuz, you know, again, it’s about not having that agenda. And too many men are like, well, I just fingered you and gave you an orgasm. So naturally, that must mean you want my penis now suck

Céline Remy 36:27
my dick

Kevin Anthony 36:31
doesn’t naturally mean that it might mean that in fact, it likely will mean that but you don’t want to make that assumption. You want to say especially like if she did have like a big explosive orgasm, or a couple of orgasms or something like that like she might need a minute, you know? So ask her. How are you feeling? What would you like next?

Céline Remy 36:52
Alright, now we want to get into our mistakes to avoid now that you know what to do, we’re going to tell you what not to do and what to look for.

Kevin Anthony 37:01
Absolutely. So number one, not enough lube is used. So we’ve kind of talked about this one already. You may need lube, you may not need lube, but in general, you know, vaginas are somewhat delicate. Yes, I know. Like they can take a pounding I know that they can expand they can birth kids.

Kevin Anthony 37:21
And not all of those things are actually necessarily always pleasurable, right. So you just got to make sure that things are well lubricated, whether it’s natural lubrication, or some you know, added lubrication, just make sure things are lubricated. Yeah,

Céline Remy 37:39
if it’s not lubricated enough, again, create tears and tears, micro-tears will hurt. And if it hurts, she’ll never want to do it again. So don’t go there. Don’t do that enough loop. Let’s talk about our tip number two of mistake to avoid here, going from the ass to the intruders. I am really big on this one. And this is why I’m talking about that, you know, you have to understand that the as in itself is a territory of its own.

Céline Remy 38:04
And that you don’t go from the ad to the vagina without having a lot of hand washing or glove changing or something in between because you can bring the things that are in the anus, into the vagina and that creates UTI that creates different things that are uncomfortable. So you want to avoid that. And you want to stay. If you play in the ass, you stay in the ass and you go clean everything up. And if you play in the vagina is the inner vagina. Or you do one hand with each and they never cross.

Kevin Anthony 38:35
That’s right keep track

Céline Remy 38:37
track or use gloves, anything like that.

Kevin Anthony 38:40
Alright. Number three going straight in without any warm-up. That’s another thing that and we talked about this a little bit and meaning to but men are like, Oh, yeah, okay, you know, we’re making out here and we’re starting to loosen up some clothing. I’m just gonna,

Céline Remy 38:57
she wants it

Kevin Anthony 38:58
on there. Just shove it up in there.

Céline Remy 39:00
It kind of reminds me of my teenage years where I was making out with this guy. We were like outside underneath this porch thing. And then he just like sticks his hand in my pants and starts to finger me and I was just like, exactly. Sadly, you have that.

Céline Remy 39:18
So let’s talk about mistake number four to avoid if you go too fast, too quickly. Slow is best when it comes to fingering a woman slow is best. And you can always go faster later, but not too fast too quick,

Kevin Anthony 39:33
right? And the idea is you don’t want to put your fingers in and immediately like a jackhammer in there. Like that’s not gonna work, right? So start very slow, gentle

Céline Remy 39:43
and there’s a myth to think that we need to have super hard stimulation and that’s the mistake number five about using a rough technique because what you see in movies sometimes like are you going like, really rough. I don’t like to be handled like that.

Kevin Anthony 39:57
Most women don’t but even the ones that do need time to get there, right? So what you see in a porn movie, the guy just, you know, sticks two or three fingers in there and is like pounding her with his hand.

Kevin Anthony 40:11
Some women like that, but they’re never gonna like it straight up right from the beginning, you’re gonna have to get there, eventually, you’re gonna have to really do the warming up, you’re gonna have to get a really turned down really lubricated. And then she might like that, but definitely, you know, the rough technique generally doesn’t work.

Céline Remy 40:28
Mistake number six and not paying attention to her responses. You know, she may not always say stop, or I don’t like this, but like Kevin was mentioning earlier like we make faces, we push or pull our hips a certain way. Or we like conversion or body like our body language, watch for this pay attention. Again, what worked yesterday may not work today, what worked on your average girlfriend may not work to on this one, like you have to pay attention.

Kevin Anthony 40:54
Absolutely. And the very last one on the list is not doing it long enough. This goes back to having an agenda where you know, some guys are like, Okay, well, yeah, I gave her a little bit of fingering, you got to stimulate, okay, let’s go straight to the penetration. Right. So if you really want her to enjoy it, and you really want her to relax into it, you got to do it long enough for her to relax.

Céline Remy 41:20
And it will vary. But I’m going to give you some timing so that you have an idea, we are talking at least 20 minutes, and ideally probably 45 minutes to an hour because there’s a whole Walmart, it does include the warm-up you know, the whole warm-up the exploration, the relaxation, the kids saying the gently going in the massaging the different zones, the exploring the going up and down on the energy with no goals. Yeah, like that’s 45 minutes being here.

Kevin Anthony 41:50
It certainly could be it doesn’t necessarily have to be, you know, and this is the thing, like when we tell people that on average, we have sex for an hour, we’re usually talking about actual penetration. And people like West’s It’s crazy, like how would you. But you can also have sex for an hour and a half 30 minutes of it just be the foreplay stuff, or 40 minutes of it, like depending on how long you can last.

Kevin Anthony 42:19
So think in terms of like, you know, this can be longer than 10 minutes. That’s one of the biggest things we hear from clients is they’re like, you know, well, I don’t know, I’m not really all that into sex. Then you ask them more questions about their sex life. And it turns out their sex life is you know, wham bam, Thank you, ma’am, of seven minutes or so. And it’s over. It’s like, seven minutes. I mean, a woman doesn’t even begin to relax into it for about 30.

Céline Remy 42:46
And if you’re a woman listening to today’s show, I dare you to be willing to receive for that long, because for some women, it’s scary, like 30 minutes, 45 minutes, what am I going to do? Like, I know it’s too long you need to learn to receive and surrender, the quality of your orgasms will increase with your ability to surrender and let go. And that’s a scary place to be in because it means losing control, letting go.

Céline Remy 43:12
And we constantly in due mode and getting shit done. And it’s hard to shift. But that’s going to be really good practice. So I challenge you to be willing to give this a try. Give it a whole 30 minutes, 45 minutes, and see how different you feel.

Kevin Anthony 43:29
Absolutely. All right. Well, that’s all the time we have for this episode. Just having fun with the new sound effects. Anyway, thank you for joining us. That’s all the time we have and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 43:56
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 44:11
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 44:12
and remember you are amazing.