Why You Should Explore Your Sexuality

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 123 is titled why you should explore your sexuality. This is gonna be a fun show. I know I say that often. But I think our shows are fun. But it’s gonna be a fun show because we have a special guest today. And what we’re really going to be talking about is a person’s journey through sexual awakening. And personally, I find that fascinating.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
I know I’ve had an interesting journey through my sexual awakening, I know you have Celine. And from the little bit I know about our guest, I’m pretty sure she has to. And so it’s gonna be really interesting, I think and fascinating to hear from somebody about their journey and what happened and what kind of experiences what went really well. What was this complete disaster like?

Kevin Anthony 1:16
Because I think a lot of people when they go through their journey, they think that like, they’re the only ones that went through this thing or, or they’re weird because they had this experience or whatever. And so what I’m hoping that we get out of this today is that people can learn and see, everybody goes through a journey. It’s all good. It can show up in many, many different ways. So I really think this is gonna be a fun interview.

Céline Remy 1:42
Wow. So before we introduce today’s guest, let’s give a shout out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 2:08
Today, we have the founder and CEO Heather Montgomery who created pleazeme to challenge the status quo as it relates to the way people treat sex in life and as well as society, especially women. she longed for a fun, sexy place to explore and expand her sexual desires without a backlash in her personal and public life. Yeah, tell me about it. I mean, our public life and personal life, everything’s kind of like mangled, so whatever.

Céline Remy 2:39
But it’s not for everyone. So we can totally understand that. As a single woman, she didn’t find it. So Heather’s concept of please me is basically a vehicle to transport one sexual expression, and empower us to create the sex and relationship life of our dreams. So welcome, Heather.

Heather Montgomery 2:59
Thank you, guys. It’s such an honor to be here. And I’m excited to talk about sexual journeys. It is fun, after all, to have pleasure.

Kevin Anthony 3:07
Absolutely. And everybody’s journey is different. And I find them all fascinating. So I think we’re just gonna dive in. So before we get to please me, because that’s more towards the middle or end of the journey. Let’s talk about what got you started. So from what we understand, there, you know, you had your own journey of sexual exploration that led you to where you are.

Kevin Anthony 3:31
And what I’m curious about is, is like, What got you started on that journey? So what like, because, you know, people have, they have their awakening at different points in life. And there’s usually something that triggers them to go, Wait a minute, so something has to be different here. So I’m curious what got you started?

Heather Montgomery 3:49
Yeah, that’s a difficult question to answer, because I feel like it was a culmination of things that didn’t happen. Here, like, there was a there’s a long list, I think that you know, got me to the point where I was like, Okay, this, this needs to change. But I think I could probably pinpoint the fact that I had two marriages, and probably five orgasms, and the 10 years that I was coupled in a serious relationship, which spanned about a guest 15-18 year stint because I was married once and then I was single for a while, and then I was married again.

Heather Montgomery 4:28
And, you know, two things I’ll say about that. I’m not blaming my spouse or partner. I realized that a large part of that was my inability to know how to feel comfortable to communicate what I wanted to know what I wanted. First and foremost, what made me feel good. And I didn’t because I grew up in a very religious Midwestern family where masturbation was wrong. Right. So just at a very young age, you know, I think I was five.

Heather Montgomery 4:57
My mom was at one of those major department stores. is trying on clothes and I had a little skirt on and she went out to get some more clothes with the attendant. And I decided to use that full-length mirror to take a look at my genitals and play with myself. And they, the two of them came in and saw me doing this at five and, you know, completely embarrassed me and made me feel shameful that I was even doing something like that.

Heather Montgomery 5:20
So I think that coupled with just, you know, societal surroundings, familial surroundings, was a big hindrance to my own pleasure and my ability to have an orgasm because I, I didn’t explore my body, I didn’t know what felt good. And then one night stands. Let’s be honest, we’ve all had them. When the singleness came back into play, and when you’re longing for some physical touch, and you go out and have a few cocktails, and let the, you know, the guard down and some sexual pleasure in, I often didn’t orgasm than either.

Heather Montgomery 5:57
And I was like, well, whether I’m in a relationship, I’m not orgasm, I’m not, you know, and so I think, you know, buying a sex toy, also triggered for me a lot of embarrassment. You know, I went into a store, a couple of towns over had on sunglasses on, you know, got there and wanted to ask the young person behind the counter, what was going to make me feel good down there.

Heather Montgomery 6:20
And I ran out of there with the Big Blue dildo that was probably worth 10 cents and jelly, and you know, like, ah, and, and Barrett, because the whole thing just was really embarrassing. I got flushed red, I didn’t know how to talk about it. And so shortly after that experience, I had a dream. In the middle of the night, I guess, you know, either the universe sent it to me or my subconscious mind said,

Kevin Anthony 6:47
here’s the way you would feel comfortable. And the whole idea of please me was literally a download. So before we go too far into the please me thing, though, I want to back up and talk a little bit about some of the things that you just said, because you said something that, I think is really valuable for the audience to hear. And so I want to repeat it, which is, it’s not so much what happened to you. It’s what didn’t happen to you.

Kevin Anthony 7:13
And I think that that’s really important, because a lot of times we think, Oh, it was this, this person I met that broke me wide open, or it was this party I went to or it was this thing, right. But really, it could literally be the fact that nothing is happening, that nothing is really going on that is stimulating you and cracking you open sexually. And I think, I don’t know, you can answer this as well. But you know, you watch movies. I don’t know, maybe in porn, not so much.

Kevin Anthony 7:44
But like, in our culture, there’s this idea that sex is supposed to be good, and you’re supposed to be having orgasms, but then your personal experience isn’t reflecting that. So that alone could be enough to get somebody to go, there’s something missing, and I need to figure out what

Heather Montgomery 8:02
And doesn’t that make us feel inadequate, right? When it doesn’t match up, we see all this. This is how it’s supposed to be and we hear your friends who are multi-orgasmic. And you’re like, Why Why not me? And, and why not? Now? I think that was the other part of what triggered is like, if not now, when, you know, am I gonna decide to live this happy, enjoyable, pleasureful existence? And yeah, you’re right, it was definitely a dissatisfaction.

Heather Montgomery 8:33
You know, more than a desire for satisfaction. If that. I know, that sounds crazy. But sometimes it’s the pain that makes us move faster than the pleasure you know. So that was a big thing. And I think just getting older, and realizing that in order to be able to have what I wanted the only person I could change with me, right?

Heather Montgomery 8:57
Like, you can’t change another human being. You can certainly communicate your wants and desires. But really, we’re empowered when we take accountability for where we’re at, because that we can change. Right?

Kevin Anthony 9:08
Absolutely. I also want to go back a little bit to the part you mentioned about shame. Because this is something actually that we work with clients a lot. And this is something that Celine is masterful at helping people with, which is really getting over sexual shame. So I don’t know how old you were when you went to that first store with the hat and the sunglasses and it was two towns over and all that but all of that, right?

Kevin Anthony 9:34
Because there was a shame there that had been instilled in you since you were a child. I can remember myself personally. The first time that I went to a sex toy store with a girlfriend of mine, it was literally in another state. Literally in another state. Not far. But you know, it was a drive like you could do it in a day. But yeah, that’s the kind of concept that we had like oh my God if somebody sees me in here, you Though

Heather Montgomery 10:02
How many times have you driven by one of those stories and said, Oh, if I only had the courage to go in, you know, or at least I was 36 or 37? To answer your question, okay, or I went, yeah, or to put it on the text of how shamed I was, at a young age and how long it took me to overcome that shame.

Céline Remy 10:20
I also think that as a woman, you know, when I look at how I was when I was in my 20s, versus now mine me in my late, late 30s, I think sex gets better over time. And for every listener out there, every woman who’s still struggling, I can’t really have an orgasm. I don’t know how my body operates. I want to say that you’re not alone. It has happened to many of us, many women.

Céline Remy 10:44
And what it took was for us, like however, you said, to take responsibility, accountability for our own pleasure and orgasms and not expecting it to be gifted to us, from a partner from the outside. But one thing that I want to really say out loud is that it gets better. And don’t think that just goes we adding in the digits and the numbers on there that suddenly you can get to those places of like having pleasure feeling in your body.

Céline Remy 11:15
I think we drop more of the shame, we drop more of the inhibitions and we were not willing to compromise anymore, especially as women as you like, you’re going through perimenopause. And like I’ve had it, I’ve had it I was there for everybody else now is my time.

Heather Montgomery 11:30
100% percent, and I am a mom of two boys. So I mean, you know, that changes a lot of things, too. You have kids, they’re around. And then what a monkey see monkey do? Am I setting a good example? And you know that all comes into play. But yeah, it is so important to your point that we as women feel empowered in this area and not like we’re a slut, because we like sex.

Heather Montgomery 11:53
And we like pleasure. I think that narrative is run its course. It’s time for that to be over. I mean, why would we celebrate one half of the equation and, and heterosexual relationships going high five, yay, conquered another one. And yet the one that was conquered is bad, right? Like so?

Kevin Anthony 12:10
Yes. It’s a terrible narrative that needs to be completely flipped around in society for sure. So you may have already answered this question or not. But I just want to go there and see, because it’s kind of relevant to creating the story of the journey, which is, you know, was there something, in particular, that was kind of like the straw that broke the camel’s back? Like, you know, the dissatisfaction, the shame? Was there something that you could pinpoint where you were like, that’s it enough, I need to do something about this?

Heather Montgomery 12:42
Yeah, I think it was the guilt and shame, I would feel after a one-night stand. I would wake up in the morning, whether they were there and leaving shortly or had left the night before just utterly beating myself up for succumbing to that desire to have physical touch and, and, you know, with another human being, if it wasn’t that person I was madly in love with or planning a future with and, you know, that came from, I’m sure a lot of deeply ingrained learnings growing up.

Heather Montgomery 13:12
But I just thought to myself, you’re a 40-year-old woman, with two children, you have the right to have pleasure. And when are you going to give yourself and it kind of comes back to permission to figure out how to fix this. I don’t want to have shame around it. I want to feel guilty and feel bad about myself and beat myself up. But I did want to have the pleasure. So something had to change there.

Heather Montgomery 13:37
And, you know, it’s very cliche, but reading the book, 50 Shades of Grey, I mean, I heard about it for two to three years before I ever like picked it up. I mean, I had been on the bestsellers list. And I’ll say this, it’s not a literary genius, we’re very simple writing and, you know, predictable at times. But it was, you know, something I always desire to explore. Being a powerful woman, being a business owner, being an entrepreneur, I make decisions all day long, I’m in control, I longed to have that experience of not being in control in the bedroom.

Heather Montgomery 14:13
Like I wanted to be able to explore that part, of sexuality in a way that I felt comfortable. And I didn’t really find a lot of good resources that I felt comfortable either going in and exploring and or like it was giving me the information I was looking for, which was that other person who had done it before, who was a woman who said yes, I explained very first experience went like this are these are the things I wished I would have known before I entered into it and being able to have real conversations because a lot of the blogs had great information, but I had specific questions. And that was what I wasn’t going to get those answered.

Heather Montgomery 14:53
So I went about having a scene with someone and you know, I remember It was a Tinder date. And after about the fifth communication, he said, Well, I’m a DOM, I’m like, Well, what is that I didn’t even know what was called, even though I had read the book, you know, it wasn’t really clicking for me, and, and he said, go do some research. I finally got up the bravery to go on the date. And we met at like a Starbucks and then went to his house. He asked me, what were my limits? And what did I want?

Heather Montgomery 15:22
What did I not want? And I was like, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. He was like, that’s not gonna work, you know, really, we need to kind of establish something. And I’m like, why I really don’t have a frame of reference. You know, at one point in the inner play, he was testing and pushing my boundaries and slapped me across the face.

Heather Montgomery 15:40
And I just wasn’t prepared for that I didn’t know it was an eventuality, or possibility, or very popular thing to do when done correctly, I don’t want to give anybody wrong at it, he didn’t punch me or knock me out is very strategic, how they do it in a very specific place. And it’s very enjoyable for some people. But it just brought me to tears, I had the whole thing stopped, I started sobbing, I wasn’t physically hurt. I just was in shock.

Heather Montgomery 16:05
Nobody had ever hit me before in any way, let alone in the face. And so, you know, I think that when we can get some knowledge, when we’re looking to explore something, just to go head into it, the first time isn’t always going to bring the best results, if we can. Build the knowledge, I thought would be really helpful in getting more comments to go try some of the things that maybe you’re curious to try and then having it have a better outcome?

Kevin Anthony 16:39
Yes. So jumping headfirst into stuff isn’t gonna work for everybody. It’ll work for some people. And for other people, it won’t. But where you’re going with this is exactly where my next question is, which is that in any sexual journey, and there are going to be ups and there are going to be downs.

Kevin Anthony 16:58
And what I’m curious about, we’re going to start with the downs, then we’re going to add, we’re going to end that part on some ups. But I’m curious through your journey if you had any experiences that just really didn’t work out the way that you thought they would or should.

Heather Montgomery 17:16
Yeah, I mean, that one was definitely right up there. I was uncomfortable there the whole thing because I didn’t have any comfort level and what I was doing. And then when something happened that triggered me and I was with a stranger, let me add that meaning it was like, we only been communicating a little bit via the Tinder app. And then we met for five minutes at the coffee shop, and then it was up to the room.

Heather Montgomery 17:41
So there was a lot there is going on at one time. And so I think there’s a couple of lessons I learned, like, don’t try something maybe necessarily so new and foreign with without getting to know either the person better or the experience better, you know, one either if either of those two things would have been there, I think it would have been a little bit easier for me. And if both were there probably would have been a way better outcome.

Heather Montgomery 18:10
So I would say that I think the other thing is, you know, just all the way back to that first time that you have sex right? How was your first sexual experience? And for me I did some drinking in high school I don’t know if that’s happened to anyone else’s life but there were definitely some parties going on. And you know, when you don’t know your limits with alcohol my first time I was probably not I don’t want to get the wrong impression of for the poor young man that was their rate, but I was blacked out. I don’t remember it.

Heather Montgomery 18:44
I woke up naked peeling paint broken cherry, you know, so it was like I didn’t get to have that first experience. I didn’t feel like I really consented even though I probably did at the moment say yes, or my body. You know, like I was still moving, walking, talking. And I learned this as you grow with alcohol that some people blackout and dose don’t remember things.

Heather Montgomery 19:09
And so I think that keeping in mind when you’re going into any kind of a sexual experience, the more alcohol you have, sometimes it’s really great to relax you a little bit and make you feel a little more comfortable, but that you still want to be able to feel and enjoy and consent to what you’re doing. So that would be another one of those learning from a negative aspect. How not to enter into sexual exploration. Yeah, we have a good outcome.

Kevin Anthony 19:40
We definitely discourage a lot of alcohol use when you’re doing this type of stuff because it’s extremely vulnerable. There are all kinds of consequences that could potentially happen and I personally and I know saline is aligned with me. We feel that people really should be in the right mind so that they can make good decisions through all of this.

Céline Remy 19:59
You know When you were talking Heather, I was I just had this spot when people go for the first time to a sex party, for example, because they’re trying something and I’m sure you went to some of those and that you’re going to talk about this. People sometimes fantasize and how awesome it’s going to be or what it could be like. But oftentimes what I tell people and nothing, my first sex party, I pretty much was just an observer. And that’s really what I tell people about knowing that experience. And that’s what you were mentioning.

Céline Remy 20:31
We’re like, well, if you have no idea about what the experiences sometimes it’s better to go there as an observer to see how do you set a scene? or What does a sex party look like? What does it feel like to be in a room where people are making love all of this where you don’t specifically have to partake, you are partaking in witnessing, because it’s a role in itself. But sometimes taking these steps that you don’t have to be everything in the scene, or in that particular event that you could just be immersing yourself dipping your toes in it, that can be enough. And that can be plenty for growth.

Heather Montgomery 21:03
100% I mean, it’s what voyeurism is, right? So that’s the voyeuristic approach to something new. And I think you’re absolutely 100% correct. There’s so much to be gained by being able to observe something, and not just the act itself, but the people around it and what the environment is.

Heather Montgomery 21:26
I definitely had a false expectation of what it would be like to go to a swinger club, or event, you know, which kept me from going, and even seeing it for a long time, even a year and a half into the design of the business before I actually went to a swinger club. And I went as an observer because that was where I felt comfortable. And I was a single woman on top of it.

Heather Montgomery 21:48
So I’m not in a relationship where technically I can be a swinger couple, right. But everybody that doesn’t know I’m sure we’ll learn there’s also unicorns, right, that is with single women willing to play the couple.

Kevin Anthony 22:02
The mythical unicorn that every couple is looking for.

Heather Montgomery 22:06
And I didn’t even know what that was either at the time, really, you know, I mean, it was a long time later, till I learned the actual definition as a bisexual woman willing to play with another couple that just a woman, because, you know, usually both partners, not always, but both partners are wanting to be part of that play.

Heather Montgomery 22:26
And so if you’ve never played with a woman before, and then you go into being a unicorn, that’s a double whammy, right? Like, wow, now I’m playing with a woman for the first time, and I’m playing with two people at once, you know, that are in a relationship together. And I’m the outsider. Right? So there’s so much going on there.

Heather Montgomery 22:42
But at any rate, yes. Go and, and, and look and see, and boy, are we even created voyeurism on pleazeme. So that just for that reason, people like I don’t want to talk with anybody else. I don’t want to, you know, be in chat rooms or talk one on one. But I do want to interact with the content. I do want to research and learn and see and dip. But yeah, I think that’s really important.

Kevin Anthony 23:04
I’m curious to hear more about your expectations. And then what you actually experienced when you

Heather Montgomery 23:10
were Yeah, yeah, so Well, there’s, there’s a couple of different things. So number one, I went to a party in New York, right. And it was a private party, and they rented a loft. So that was a kind of a smaller version of an actual swinger club, in that, you know, it was arranged by a group of people who already knew each other. You know, somebody that I went with had been there before and had introduced me, my brand manager, and her very German boyfriend who is a very prim and proper engineer, right.

Heather Montgomery 23:46
And so it was all the three of our first times going, and it was like, much like a regular party. I guess that would be the first thing I would say is my big fear going in was that and this is gonna make me sound egotistical. But let me just say it was coming from a place of just being a woman, that all these people were going to want to make me have sex with them.

Heather Montgomery 24:07
And I was going to have to be going No, no, no, no, no. And rejecting people is not something I really enjoy. You know, like, it always makes me feel bad, like, Oh, no, they’re gonna think I don’t like them or that they’re not this enough or that enough, or, and I just don’t like making people feel that way. And it was a sex coach that I had met that said, Get off your high horse What do you think you’re all that not everybody’s gonna want to have sex with you Just calm down little kind of a thing. But the truth of the matter was everybody was so nice and so friendly.

Heather Montgomery 24:40
And one of the things as a woman dating and going to regular bars, as you experience a lot of competition from other women, instead of this welcoming, and in the swinger world, it was like the women were just as excited to meet you as the men and it wasn’t your competition. It’s like your main event. I really like I don’t mean to say that way.

Heather Montgomery 25:01
But really, it was like, No, we’re so happy you’re here. And let me introduce you to all of our friends and, and so it was much less stressful and more enjoyable than I had expected. Even just being at the party, right? Just walking in walking around and being able to explore the environment. They everybody was very welcoming. They understood all of this my first time.

Heather Montgomery 25:28
No pressure, let me show you around. It was very the opposite. what I had expected it to be like just a bunch of piranas that are just gonna, when a newbie shows up, or you know,

Kevin Anthony 25:39
Fresh meat.

Heather Montgomery 25:40
Yeah. Oh, is she a unicorn, this is a mythical creature, let’s all chase her around. And, you know, so it was not like that. And actually, I’ve got yard quite a long time in that place, as a single woman, not even playing with anybody. But I was got comfortable being at a topless Pool Party, which is something I had never done before, you know, just a comfortability in your body and being in a place where sex is celebrated by so many people in one room.

Heather Montgomery 26:09
I think I used a vibrator at the pool, and they had a spec swing, and I got to, you know, be in the sex swing, and I got to learn what scoring meant. I got to see it happening. And you know, like, it was there was a lot there and met some amazing people as well.

Kevin Anthony 26:24
I’ll tell you about my first experience ever at a sex club because it’s not as fun as yours. This goes back like 20 years now. So I was still pretty young. My girlfriend and I decided we were gonna go to this sex club. The thing is, is that as a place that you had to call and make reservations first. So we did, we made reservations. It was not that far away, but not that close to you this way to drive a little bit to get there.

Kevin Anthony 26:54
So we get there. There’s a parking lot across from this. There’s an old mansion that had been turned into a sex club. We parked in the parking lot, and neither one of us gets out of the car. Then I look at her. She looks at me. And I said, do you want to go in and she looked at me to go, do you want to go in, and we’re just sitting there staring at each other for like, 10 minutes. Then finally we decided, ah, maybe we’ll just go home and we literally left.

Kevin Anthony 27:20
We literally left we did not even go in. Then we went home and we talked about it a little bit like okay, what was the issue? What are we afraid of blah, blah, blah, we made reservations. Again, we went back a second time and had a really great time. But, but I just think it’s it’s important to share different stories from different people’s journeys about like, you know, people listen to the love lab podcast, we listen to us talk about how we met at a sex party and all the different things that we’ve done, and they just

Kevin Anthony 27:47
Oh, you guys are just always been, you know, amazing. And you’ve never, it’s like, no, I literally showed up to a sex club and chickened out and didn’t go. Right. You know, but that’s we all have some sort of story like that some sort of journey of the ups and downs of stuff that went really well, I was the most I’ve had profound experiences with people I didn’t even know at a sec party. And then I’ve had experiences where I walked away and was like, That was terrible. Hope it never happens again, right? You know, that’s all part of the journey.

Céline Remy 28:20
So I want to do a quick break to our sponsors, but then I want to dive into please me and then all the things that it required you to do once you created please me. So research suggests that CBD products may improve libido by reducing anxiety, you know, if you’re too anxious to go to a sex party or things like that, and no, it is not because you get your high it’s not psychoactive.

Céline Remy 28:42
Actually, a recent survey is a 5398 Americans from remedy review, a website that focuses on CBD and natural health remedies found that 9.3% of respondents have taken CBD for sex. So the majority of those respondents cited that their orgasms were more intense after taking CBD. So if you are interested in experimenting with CBD in your sex life, we have found a top-quality CBD product for you.

Céline Remy 29:07
Their full-spectrum CBD comes from premium sustainably from hemp plants which are processed in the United States. Plus they have no harmful solvents, chemicals, toxic compounds, or impurities. So to get you up to 51% off while you’re the supplies last go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/go/cbd or click on the link below in the description. Again, it’s kevinanthonycoaching.com/go/cbd.

Céline Remy 29:37

So, Heather, you said that okay, the dispatch dissatisfaction was so high that you were like I need to start to explore and find me. You started to dabble around look around, try a few things going on that Tinder date. And then one day you have like a dream or a download you’re getting this inspiration to maybe you’re not finding what you’re looking for.

Céline Remy 30:02
So you must create it. So tell us a little bit about what happened. And then the journey from there once you decided I’m going to commit to creating this platform for everyone. Now, I need to show up for everyone and myself included.

Heather Montgomery 30:16
Yeah, that’s the case. That’s what happened, though. Yeah, the dream was like eight years ago. And I to your point, I stared at it for five years wondering Why me? Why sex? I’m the most sexually best person I know. I still hadn’t had that experience. But the Tinder date yet? I did buy the blue deal, though. You know, I think that triggered something in me. But then I wasn’t sure if, number one, I knew it was going to take a lot of money I was going to raise a million dollars at a minimum.

Heather Montgomery 30:53
And that was seven years ago. And I thought, is society ready for it? Am I ready for it? Am I going to feel comfortable talking about this? I mean, the whole reason to build it was to have my anonymity about my sexuality. And the ironic thing is, in order to give that anonymity and privacy to everyone else, I’ve had to give up mine to share my story. Right. And so that was a big journey. Because in the first two years, we started building it in December of 2017.

Heather Montgomery 31:21
And it wasn’t until I really started building pleaze me, that my real journey, I say that meaning here and there. I was dabbling, right, like, let me Okay, today, I’ve decided I’m going to look into this. And then weeks would go by months would go by, you know, it wasn’t like I’ve dedicated myself and said, That’s it, I’m taking myself on I’m doing this, I actually climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in 2016. And on that track up 19,341 feet, I decided it was time to leave my fear on the mountain, and come back down and plan and build this company.

Heather Montgomery 32:02
And so I spent a year and kind of taking everything that I had been thinking about over the last four or five years into a plan. And, and then we went out and raise some funds.

Heather Montgomery 32:14
And when we got our first investor for $100,000, we kicked off the design of the actual technology, the writing of they call a Brd and an SRS, which tells the builders what to build, that we began actually making the technology and so through that I had to learn, just in order to have a company, what it is that I was going to be building the number one aggregator for, like, if I’m aggregating things, and I need to know everything that’s out there, so that everything can be here.

Heather Montgomery 32:47
And I’m so grateful that I did that. Because that was what really allowed me to find my way. And now it’s important, I think, to share the relevance of only having five orgasms in 10 years, I liked sex, I had sex every night with my partner, like, it wasn’t a lack of sex, that was driving my lack of orgasm. And it wasn’t a lack of libido. It wasn’t that my partner didn’t have a functioning unit. And it wasn’t that they had a low libido, we were very active.

Heather Montgomery 33:22
And so I think just having that place to find what we were looking for, and be able to learn how to communicate that. Find what makes me feel good and learn how to communicate that. And then knowing what I don’t like, has also been eye-opening. Because as you go and explore certain things, just because you’re exploring it doesn’t mean you’re endorsing it.

Heather Montgomery 33:47
And saying this is what I like and want. It’s only through experimenting with it that you decide if something is right for you or wrong for you. I tell people I’m gonna try sexual I’ll try anything twice. Just see if that’s something that’s right for me. Because until I do, how do I know a lot of us it doesn’t, you know, hurt other people or it’s in line with my core values and integrity. So yeah, I mean, that’s, that’s something that has been so, you know, critical to my journey is,

Kevin Anthony 34:17
that’s a huge point that you just made. And it’s so relevant because we’re talking about journeys, right in the journey, which is that I think some people are afraid to try things because they think if I do this, people are gonna think I’m that, right? If I try this thing, people are gonna think I’m gay, or people are gonna think I’m bi or people are gonna think I’m kinky, or whatever it is.

Kevin Anthony 34:38
And I love that what you just said, which is that, you just try and get on because you don’t really know what you like, and what you don’t like until you’ve actually tried it. And we’re the same way. We’ve tried all kinds of different stuff, you know, and it’s like, there are some things that we look back and go, you know, we’re glad we did that when we were younger. It’s not for us and awesome. And there are other things we’re like, wow, boy. He’ll be glad we found that.

Heather Montgomery 35:02
Exactly, exactly. If you don’t go searching, how are you ever going to be glad when you do find it? You know, it doesn’t find you usually, that’s what I would say is that unless you do find that one person who cracks you open, as you mentioned earlier and there, I’m sure people that would say, well, that is my journey. That is what happened to me, I met a partner who was very sexually free.

Heather Montgomery 35:24
And little by little, they open my eyes up to a world that never existed. But I don’t think that that’s how it happens for everyone. I think a lot of people tend to decide to venture out and hear a story about a friend that did something and go, maybe I would want to consider that

Kevin Anthony 35:43
too. I don’t even think it happens for most, I think that that’s more of an isolated case where that happens, I think the more norm is people just stumbling their way and finding things and going about their own journey.

Céline Remy 35:55
So we are on please me that platform. And if you’ve never heard of it, we’ll put the link down below in the description for people, it’s really fun to try it out. And the concept is that and however, of course, dummy if I’m wrong, but I’m just gonna give a big overview for our listeners, basically, it’s a platform where people can be totally anonymous, and explore sexuality and there are different worlds. So you don’t have to be exposed to everything.

Céline Remy 36:22
Let’s say you really don’t like BDSM. And you don’t want to see anything because it triggers you and you but you really like Tantra and some other things, and you can choose which world you want to see, maybe you only want very mild things rather than very explicit. So you can be like, I just want like spicing up the romance rather than full-on sex.

Céline Remy 36:42
So what pleased me allows you to do is to create this anonymous profile and to explore a different world and then pick and choose what you like. And then you can follow people. And there are people like us. So Kevin and I are on the channel and we both regularly the things that we do. And then you can start to have discussions. And then Heather, I know as PleazeMe you guys offer a lot of resources for people or products, things to try.

Céline Remy 37:05
So it helps people to open up a dialog, but also to feel safe and comfortable and take little steps or to go as edgy as they can and wild because it’s in the safety of being in their own home behind a computer.

Kevin Anthony 37:21
I want to see it all check every one of those boxes

Heather Montgomery 37:25
You said it perfectly Celine. I mean, it’s your own pace, right. We’re each unique, our fingerprints are unique, our irises are unique our blood, our DNA, and our sexual journey are unique. That was one thing that was very important to me is certain things would turn me off. You know, I did want to go on to FetLife because as a person who had never experienced anything fetish before, it was scary for me to dive right in not knowing anything and start to explore this place that I knew nothing about.

Heather Montgomery 38:00
And so I never went on I mean other than to just like went in and looked at her just kind of like your story about the and it’s that’s nothing bad about FetLife it was just where I was at in my journey at the time, didn’t align with feeling comfortable going into a whole world about it. And so the anonymity I think, is also key and critical to why we feel safe there because we don’t want to feel judged, right?

Heather Montgomery 38:28
We and we know now today, especially more than ever with cancel culture and people not getting jobs because their employers looked up their Facebook and saw they play Candy Crush all day. I mean, our social lives being displayed everywhere, isn’t really conducive to exploring our sexuality safely, right?

Heather Montgomery 38:48
And so having that ability to be in your world with like-minded individuals dabble into other worlds if you want and say and ask questions that you have, without worrying about everyone in the world, seeing it gives people some, you know, latitude to make some of those explorations happen, where if, if not for that they might not ever, right?

Heather Montgomery 39:14
Because of that fear, and it’s real, it’s real, that fear of, of sharing intimate data about yourself that you only want certain people to know. And that’s not shaming. I like to make that distinction. Because it’s not about being ashamed. It’s about saying, I’m not ready to share that with you. But I am ready to share that with you, you and you. Because I trust you and intimate data is okay to share with you.

Kevin Anthony 39:37
So So this brings me we’ve got two last questions that we want to ask. And this brings me to the question of if you were going to sit down with a friend who hasn’t started their real sexual journey yet, what is the first thing you would tell them? Like what advice do you have for them like okay, you’re gonna start your journey now like, what’s the first thing you would tell them about starting a journey?

Heather Montgomery 40:00
Well, this is probably going to be boring. But I’m going to tell you what I tell everyone and that is write down what your core values are around sex and sexuality. What is it that you believe right now?

Heather Montgomery 40:12
Because I think they drive our behaviors tremendously. You know, what we believe and what we value is huge. And if we have a lot of shame around sex or fear around sex, and we think it’s bad, then I think we need to tackle that first. Because otherwise, you’re going to go into those experiences, and just feel more shame and more guilt.

Kevin Anthony 40:37
Mean, yourself lots of more

Heather Montgomery 40:39
Hot pilot high and deep, you know, it’s just going to beat yourself up some more. So I think really getting to know how do you feel about sex and sexuality? What part does it play in your life? I think people understanding that sex regulates hormones, and hormones regulate emotions, and immunity. I think it’s really important to say, everybody’s like, Oh, no, no sex in COVID Oh, please like more sex.

Heather Montgomery 41:06
And I mean, no better way to let off the anxiety and the stress and feel loved and held and safe. And you know, if you have especially if you have a loving partner, and get those hormones up and counteracting the cortisol from the stress like otherwise, we’ve all you know, many of us have gained 1012 pounds like, right, we stopped our ability to play tennis or I can’t go dancing where I used to go didn’t like a lot of the activities that kept me physically fit. Were off-limits.

Heather Montgomery 41:36
Right and so then you got to find other things that you enjoy the Keep still keep you active. And I would say number one on my list is sex. I think they say I’m having sex instead of the calorie of a piece of apple pie. So more sex more calorie burn to.

Kevin Anthony 41:51
Ask Celine why her arms are tired today from the crazy move. She pulled yesterday.

Heather Montgomery 41:57
Ha, you did some calisthenics in the bedroom?

Céline Remy 42:00
Absolutely.

Heather Montgomery 42:02
Yeah. So and then. And then I would say make a wish list. Right. What are some of the things you’ve always wanted to try? But never wanted to admit? Ah, huh. Oh, yeah. No,

Kevin Anthony 42:12
that’s good advice.

Céline Remy 42:13
And then and then go for Right. Right.

Heather Montgomery 42:16
I would want it in or of the order of what you fear least Mm-hmm. And what you fear most at the bottom and start with the baby steps. You know, it’s easier. You know, what they say a journey of 1000 miles begins with one step. Right. So set yourself up to take a step that will encourage Another one is kind of what I’m saying there.

Céline Remy 42:38
Yeah, this is great advice. Great advice. Absolutely. So, Heather, we have our best favorite question ever, always for the end that we say for all of our guests. Tell us all what is your best sexual talents?

Heather Montgomery 42:51
Oh, my best sexual talent. Wow, nobody’s asked me that before. Hmm. I am a physical touch love language. So I actually think that one of you too, yeah. What is one of my sexual talents is that I’m very affectionate and demonstrative of how I’m feeling and what I like. And that makes the other person I think, a little more willing to do the same.

Heather Montgomery 43:20
And so I feel like when I’m in a sexual interaction, and now I’m with, you know, one part particular partner, it allows for some of that mind, eroticism, to get going when you’re using sensation, play, and touch and sound as well. Like, I really like to get into the actual feelings behind it, too. And I think that’s helpful to a couple of sets. And I will say I’m also very good at fellatio.

Heather Montgomery 43:53
And I’m proud of that, because I was sexually molested at five, and did not like to even go anywhere near oral sex give or take until I was like 38 and decided to overcome that. That, you know, trauma and find a way to incorporate that enjoyably. And now it’s the one thing that gets me the most excited. You know, when I say excited, I mean, what is it girl reaction that prepares me for that next step is there so and it feels good to pleasure? Your partner too? I think that’s a big part of it as well.

Céline Remy 44:25
Yeah, Heather, that’s awesome. Where can people find more about you? Can you tell our listeners where they can connect with you more?

Heather Montgomery 44:35
kept please me of course PleazeMe with the Z. I mean, I have a professional channel like you guys do where I speak about my thought leadership and share, you know some of my journeys but then I have a private account that I use for my own exploration. I’m not going to tell everybody that I lose my anonymity, but I’m Heather c Montgomery on PleazeMe.

Heather Montgomery 45:00
and I have a website, Heather C. Montgomery that’s more for business and speaking engagements. But it talks about, you know, where my heart is, what my core values are, what we’re looking to accomplish in the world. And of course, please be social is our tags on the social media where we’re constantly being repressed and taken down and deleted. But where we’re not is on please meet our I mean, taken down, deleted and repressed. PleaZeMe.com

Céline Remy 45:25
Absolutely. So go check it out. It’s fun. And you might learn a thing or two. Right? Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 45:35
absolutely. I, you know, one thing that we haven’t mentioned thus far is through all of this is that I think a platform like please meet is even more needed today than ever before. And it was really needed before, but more so now because of the massive censorship that we are seeing everywhere. And so thank you for creating a place that is sex-positive that is about learning and exploring and is safe and gives you anonymity if you need it, and all of that stuff, because it’s really, really needed in this world.

Heather Montgomery 46:06
Oh, my pleasure. I wish it was there when I was growing up. I think it’s worth mentioning 21. And over is the age bracket for please me, because we wanted to make sure we could keep that censorship-free. and have it be a place where adults can be adults. So yes, that is part of the don’t go if you’re not old enough yet, youngsters will we’ll figure out away.

Heather Montgomery 46:33
A separate platform, but Okay, so that’s where they should go. Everyone under that age is awesome. Also, it’s for online anonymous connection with coaches and therapists, and it’s for kids going through high school and older, and it’s a great resource, but

Kevin Anthony 46:48
what’s that? We’ll call it again.

Heather Montgomery 46:49
It’s called Okay, a Why so? Okay, so, all right. And it’s free. It’s a nonprofit.

Céline Remy 46:55
Alright. And listeners, you got plenty of resources to check out. Heather, thank you so much for sharing your story with just so much transparency and vulnerability. I hope it inspired people to make sure you go check out PleazeMe.com

Kevin Anthony 47:12
I feel like we only scratched the surface of her journey. She dropped a big bomb on us right at the end. And we didn’t have time to dig into it more. So maybe we’ll have you in any case, thank you so much for coming on. And that’s all the time we have for this episode. Do you want to just say goodbye to the listeners before we’re gone?

Heather Montgomery 47:31
Oh, it’s just such a pleasure to be with both of you today. And thank you to your listeners for hearing my journey and it was fun talking with you.

Kevin Anthony 47:40
Awesome. Thank you again and everybody. Thank you for tuning into the love lab podcast. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 48:01
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 48:15
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 48:17
And remember, you’re amazing.