How To Be More Masculine

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you are a man, woman,  single or couple, this is the show for you because sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast is Episode 72. And it’s titled “How to be more masculine without being a macho asshole”. This is an episode that has been a long time coming when we first started this podcast, we really wanted to do this topic, along with the topic we did last week and polarity in general.

Kevin Anthony 0:51
But there were just so many things to cover that we never quite got there. And then, of course, there’s So much happening in the world in relation to, you know, what we consider masculinity and femininity and it’s just getting more and more out of hands so to speak. And so it’s like now’s the time to do it, we really have to talk about these things. It’s just more important now than ever.

Céline Remy 1:21
So if you are a regular listener to the Love Lab Podcast, you are well aware that last week we did an episode on how to be more feminine. And this is similar that the one we did last week, but we are looking at it through the lenses of the masculine and we’re going to have the same disclaimer that wherever you are a man or woman listening to this episode, you will get some value. We are talking about masculine energy masculine traits and it’s not just gender-specific.

Céline Remy 1:53
Now, this episode will apply more to the men who want to embody their masculine how wherever Every woman who is listening to this show will gain some value to understand how to support her men better. And if you want to develop more of your masculine energy as well, as a woman, you can take these steps.

Kevin Anthony 2:15
It’s like last week, it’s the playbook, right? So, guys, you need to know what the plays are so you can execute them. And women, you need to know what the plays are. So you know what, one what you want, right? Because a lot of women are like, I don’t know, he’s just not and they don’t really understand why he’s not sparking that fire and passion with Insider. So if you’re a woman and you’re listening, you’ll start to figure out pretty quickly. Oh, right. Ah, that’s what I was looking for. Oh, that’s the piece that’s missing and of course, then you can help support your man in that so

Céline Remy 2:48
and you know, if you’re wondering what’s the quickest way also to help him becoming more masculine is for you to step more into your femininity as well and your feminine energy. So it really works both ways. For all the guys here if you like Hey, I wish she would be more feminine than become more masculine. And if you want him to borrow more masculine step into more of your feminine as well, so that you can play with that polarity that Kevin was talking about.

Kevin Anthony 3:12
Yeah, and we did a whole live talk a while back about polarity and how those two fit together. I don’t know if we covered that on the show yet.

Céline Remy 3:20
We probably did. I know we did parts of it. We talked about it quite a lot. But we’re going to do another version of that at some point.

Kevin Anthony 3:28
Okay, so let’s dive in. Because the title is how to be more masculine without being a macho asshole. And so, you know, masculine, he’s been getting a bad rap these days. And you see all kinds of articles about toxic masculinity and blah, blah, blah. There really is no such thing as toxic masculinity. There’s, there’s good behavior as a man and bad behavior as a man and we’re going to talk about what both of those are and so to really describe the difference between a healthy masculine and an unhealthy masculine.

Kevin Anthony 4:03
And much like we did last week with the feminine, there’s kind of, and we realized this is a little bit of a simplification, but, but we’ve kind of broken it down into three stages that men go through or hopefully go through because a lot of people get stuck in one or the other phases. So let’s start that stage one, right.

Céline Remy 4:23
All right. So the number one is the one that called the dominance masculine. The dominant masculine here, here’s how he will show up he doesn’t really understand on knows how to handle the feminine. Because he doesn’t understand that the party will meet her with anger or rigidity. In order to remain in control, he needs to shut her down and sometimes even steps into being verbally abusive or even physically abusive.

Céline Remy 4:57
There is a spectrum of the dominant mass In because that you can be on the end of like super abusive, but you can also be on the end of like you can still be a nice guy but there are all these parts that are not resolved within yourself around the feminine energy and you don’t know how to deal with it. Then it shows up as this like an abusive emotionally or shutting down or shutting her down. When I think of the dominant masculine to me, I remember more of my grandparent’s generation.

Céline Remy 5:27
My grandpa was kind of like this where he really didn’t like women. And it’s interesting because he also was a womanizer. So there was a profound hatred and an attraction towards women and it was not healthy, and I didn’t feel good being around him and that’s that type of masculine that we’re talking here about.

Kevin Anthony 5:45
Yeah. So this is basically like the dictator, right? This is it’s my way or the highway. You sticking to his decision because he’s the man and that’s it. And it doesn’t matter what your opinion is. You should be barefoot and pregnant and in the kitchen. I mean, we’ve all heard that right? Like, everybody’s heard those sayings before.

Kevin Anthony 6:05
So this is, you know what we’re calling here the dominant masculine. What I’ve called for many years, the macho asshole masculine. So he’s masculine, right? Like, you know, he probably fixes stuff and builds things, and he’s kind of rough and tough, but he’s an asshole. He’s a complete, overbearing over-controlling asshole. Mm-hmm. And that’s what we would call toxic masculinity.

Céline Remy 6:32
Yeah, if we want to label it like this. What I do see to that’s interesting is that a lot of women are still attracted to this type of men because they are pretty masculine. Oh, yeah. But then they don’t thrive in the relationship. So at first, I might be kind of the bad boy. It’s like the one you know, is not good for you, but you can’t help.

Céline Remy 6:56
It’s funny because I know a lot of guys are like, I want to be that bad guy. You know, because in movies, he always scores and he’s always idolized and things like this, but in real life, you don’t want to be that guy.

Kevin Anthony 7:04
Wait till we get to the third stage. That’s the guy you want to be. And we’ll explain why. But I think another important point is something that you said at the beginning of describing this stage one, which is that it is a spectrum, right? And so there’s a lot of guys out there and we see them because we work with them all the time that I would personally put in the stage one dominant masculine, but they’re not abusive. They’re not.

Céline Remy 7:30
But oh, they are maybe emotionally but not abusive of like, meaning like, more doing what I call the emotional terrorism not being able to express their own emotion or understand her emotion and like pulling away and having really bad communication. Yeah, but

Kevin Anthony 7:47
It’s a lot of those guys that we work with. What I see is they’re not even conscious of it.

Céline Remy 7:51
That is true.

Kevin Anthony 7:52
So they’re not trying to do emotional terrorism. They’re not gaslighting or anything like that, right? They just, they just have no idea Dear, and they don’t have any sensitivity. Right? So they can’t understand they don’t have the empathy like and so that actually takes us right into stage two.

Céline Remy 8:10
Okay. Yeah. So the one we called stage two is the soft masculine. And I know you like soft masculine I see this as being the new…

Kevin Anthony 8:21
Ist that like a partial erection? Sorry,

Céline Remy 8:24
I didn’t say softy Kevin.

Céline Remy 8:25
This soft masculine is kind of the new man right now. And because so many men have seen the dominant masculine and I was like, I am not going to be like this person. I’m not going to be like my dad or my grandpa or these old images of the John Wayne dude, right? And so then they swinging on to the other side. And now they like they know that it’s so important to support the feminine through her cycles.

Céline Remy 8:54
They understand that she goes through that and they can sit with her and spend hours conference getting her holding her hand and processing and being there for her. And then, you know, serving her and all of that he tends to be overly sensitive to, and really nice, really nice, but then has trouble making decisions.

Kevin Anthony 9:16
And, and keeping a relationship which we’ll get into too.

Céline Remy 9:20
Or keeping his words because there’s a wishy-washy ness to it. And what I do see, before I let you talk about this Kevin, what I do see happening is that oftentimes this type is very appealing to women who have been in more of the abusive relationship type or didn’t feel seen, because all of the sudden this type of man is going to be all about you.

Céline Remy 9:46
And it’s the greatest thing because you are getting attention and appreciation and all these things that you are craving as a woman from the masculine plus he’s willing to go in, like dive into the emotional piece of it. And this is like, incredible. It’s something that’s you’re like, wow, I’ve been wanting this my whole life.

Céline Remy 10:07
Now, there is a little caveat to this thing too, because as great as that is, once your cup feels full from having received this type of attention from the masculine, you want him to step up his game, and kind of like shift gears a little bit and get into that leading role, which we’ll talk more about. And unfortunately for a lot of the men who are in the soft, masculine, they don’t know how to do that gear shifting, and they can just be the nice guy.

Céline Remy 10:44
And there comes a time where she just can’t see him as a sexy man that she wants to have sex with. And it turns into, it’s my best friend, or just like or it’s my gay guy, friend. Whatever that is, but there’s no more sexuality to it the same and she oftentimes will lose respect. And for all of our male listeners today, if you know what I mean when I say like losing the respect, it’s like, it’s steadily like removing oxygen from you when a woman does that. That’s how important that is.

Kevin Anthony 11:19
Yeah, and wow, I mean, you just did really a perfect description of the stage too soft, masculine, so it is from experience.

Céline Remy 11:30
That might be why it was so good.

Kevin Anthony 11:34
There’s not a whole lot of that I would add to that, but I will give a sort of my take on it and my opinion and, you know, living where we live, which is Southern California, there’s a whole lot of people that fall into the stage 2, soft masculine. Here’s the thing, guys, I know it, it comes from good intentions. I see that every day. I see men who go… You know what? I don’t want to be that kind of guy, right? Because he’s an asshole.

Kevin Anthony 12:05
Nobody likes him. His own guy friends don’t even really like him, you know? So I get that that’s why they want to do that. The problem is, they do what most people do in this world, which is like you said, swing from one end to the other end, right? The pendulum is like, way over to the other end, right? Why can’t we be somewhere in the middle?

Kevin Anthony 12:28
That’s generally where the truth lies anyway. So they do all these workshops to get in touch with their, their inner feminine and to heal their Wounded Child, and all this stuff.  I’m not making fun of any of that, because I think that work is great. And I think that work is necessary. It’s not the end

Céline Remy 12:51
And it can become a trap.

Kevin Anthony 12:53
or can become a trap if you get stuck in it. For sure. And just know that it’s not the end. The evolution that there are that’s just one little piece of it and don’t get stuck there. Yeah, heal your inner child and get in touch with not just your, your feminine side, but getting touch with all your emotions. And we’ll talk about that later on in the show. We talked about how to get really get to that third stage if you’re not there already.

Kevin Anthony 13:20
But yeah, just something that we witnessed So, so often. And I see a lot of guys getting stuck there. And as you rightly pointed out, yes, you experienced the stage to soft, masculine yourself, but we have seen it with so many couples. This is not just like, well, it’s something that I went through. And so, therefore, I mean, we see it in today’s day and age, where especially where we live, we see it actually more than stage one, which would you agree with that?

Céline Remy 13:51
I would and another thing that I do see happening too is that there are whole movements around men gathering together to process their emotions. And do all this work and it really, as Kevin said comes from a really good place. But what I do see is that these men are the soft I’m sorry to say it this way like they, they, a bunch of men gathering together to talk about their emotions is not going to help them to step into that really healthy masculine place that women crave

Kevin Anthony 14:23
not if they’re just sitting around crying and each other’s arms one thing I will say and we’ll talk about this when we get to the house again. But it’s not necessarily always appropriate to vent all that mushy stuff on your woman and so maybe doing it with male friends might be an appropriate time or place for but yeah, it’s not getting stuck in that. So then, again, a good segue Let’s jump over into stage three, which is what we call the awakened masculine or what somebody will call the healthy masculine.

Céline Remy 14:53
And like awakened we following the same model as the one we did for the women so they kind of mirror each other. If you haven’t listened yet to the previous episode, go do that because they really are mirroring one another. So the third type of man knows that there’s nothing to change about the emotional flow of the feminine. This is an important part listen to that nothing to change. It means that there is nothing that you need to fix that you need to do about it.

Céline Remy 15:23
He’s ready for the ride and takes the lead is simply holds a space for her and stands firmly in his masculine which allows her to move through the emotions with ease and grace. It is basically like the banks of the river. There she is flowing into like in that safe container that he is providing. Some of the elements that come with the awakened masculine are presence and passion and drive and direction.

Céline Remy 15:57
It can look very similar to stage one of that dominant masculine because there is that ad g quality. But even though it might look similar, it is very different because you come from a different place. And because in that particular stage, the man is in touch with his emotions, and he can share his emotions when appropriate, all of them whether they are good, or not so good.

Kevin Anthony 16:31
Yeah. So really what we’re talking about here is if you take stage one, not every behavior that a stage one masculine quote-unquote, the macho asshole has is bad. Some of them are, and some of them are. So if we strip away the ones that are, you know, quote, unquote, toxic or bad, and we keep the ones that are good, then we go over to stage two. And stage two has some good qualities do but It’s also got some not so good qualities and are very attractive to women.

Kevin Anthony 17:03
So we get rid of those, we keep the ones that work, we put those two pieces together and we end up with a stage three, for the most part, right, you’re going to add some new skills when you get into stage three. So it’s not just a combination of good points of one and two, but yeah, I mean, stage three, this guy’s This is where you really want to be. This is where you are strong in your masculine, right. So you know, you can fix things and build things.

Kevin Anthony 17:30
And you know, you can contain the river, you know, but here’s one of the things that I love about that analogy of the guys being the banks of the river and the women being the water flowing through it, which is that for the most part, the bank doesn’t define the river. The river defines the bank, right, because it’s the flowing motion of the water that carves out the direction of the river, but it’s not just the water that determines where it goes either, because the water flows and it’s going in this direction over here, let’s say it’s kind of going over to the right.

Kevin Anthony 18:07
But it hits a rock wall. And then the rock wall says no, and redirects it back over to the soft dirt where it can carve out a nice space. And what you realize is, is that they’re actually working together. It’s a dance, it’s a dance, right? Because the water, on the one hand, is removing Earth and cutting the bank. And at the same time, the bank is also guiding and directing the river. Right. And that’s one of the things I love about the analogy so much because it really works so well for stage three because in stage three, you might do something like this.

Kevin Anthony 18:45
You know, you might say, Hey, how about we go out to dinner and you say, I know, this great sushi place around the corner. It’s amazing. And you know, that hand roll that you really love. They have it there. So I think you would really like it. Right? So here you are as a man taking charge, coming up with an idea taking action, right? All these things that women love. But here’s the awakened part. When she turns around and says,

Céline Remy 19:18
Wow, that’s a great idea, but I really wanted Mexican tonight.

Kevin Anthony 19:21
Exactly. She turns around and says, Well, you know, I’m really not in the mood for sushi. Macho asshole guy goes, Yeah, but I really wanted sushi in this place. Trust me, you’re going to like this place. Come on, I’m taking you to sushi right? That’s where he’s being the dictator. Whereas in the states three now of course stage two guy will go Oh, okay. Yeah, absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 19:45
No, no, I sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I just thought that maybe. And you know what, we can go wherever you want. Well, wherever you want, like it’s really okay with me, right? fucking annoying stage Stage three guy goes, yeah, no problem. I was just throwing that out as a suggestion. I thought you might like it. But you know what? Mexican sounds great too.

Kevin Anthony 20:08
And I also know a great Mexican place where they make guacamole at your tableside. And it’s delicious. Let’s do it. I mean, I know it’s a simple example, right, I’m oversimplifying. But the point is, is that the stage three more awakened masculine, takes charge, and yet at the same time, pays attention to what the woman actually wants, takes that into account is able to change course in direction and doesn’t have any resentment doesn’t treat it as if it’s somehow questioning his masculinity or his decision making capability.

He doesn’t take it personally. He’s just like, Okay, I got it. I hear you. And here’s another idea.

Céline Remy 20:55
Absolutely. This is great. So what I would love to love to do is to step into like if you’re not there yet, or if you noticing that you are sometimes because it’s not really linear By the way, it’s not like I’ve reached the awakened state and I’m never going to fall into another section. It’s very common to have areas where you can step into it areas where you can’t. Or sometimes you’re able, sometimes you’re not. So knowing that you might not be yet where you want to be.

Céline Remy 21:25
And you’re like, okay, I want to step more into this awakened masculine and that stage three, but how do I do that? And this is really where we want it to go. We actually have 11 different steps for you here. But before we give you the steps, we want to do a little shout out to our sponsors for this episode.

Céline Remy 21:45
This episode is brought to you by power and mastery, the most complex sexual training for men to develop your stamina, boost your confidence and enhance your sexual abilities. And funny you are talking about this today because there is a course for you right now called sexual mastery and you can find it at power and mastery.com/sexual-mastery.

Céline Remy 22:09
Or just go to power and mastery com and then click on on the sexual skills tab and this will really help you to step like to get all the different qualities that you need and lead in the bedroom and all of that and step into the awakened masculine.

Kevin Anthony 22:27
Yeah, that was a good save right usually we give a shout out to the sponsor at the beginning of the episode and it’s a good thing because our sponsor would have got really mad at us if we forgot to do it in this episode. All joking aside.

Kevin Anthony 22:41
You are welcome.

Kevin Anthony 22:44
All joking aside, it’s actually appropriate to because as we’re going to get into the how, you know, we’re going to give you an overview, but so much of what we teach in sexual mastery in our course called sexual mastery is exactly how to be an awakened masculine? Yeah, there’s like some, some sex skill stuff in there too. But the biggest skills that she will appreciate the most aren’t physical sex skills. They’re all of this stuff about being an awakened masculine.

Céline Remy 23:16
Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 23:17
So, yeah, I think it’s highly valuable and worth it, especially if you’re listening to this and going. Yeah, I’m not quite there yet I need to get there. And, you know, you actually made another really good point that I would like to bring up again, which is that, you know, one of the things that we see is that we’ll see people that are what we would call, you know, awakened for lack of a better term in certain areas, but not another.

Kevin Anthony 23:47
So, you know, we see that in a lot of different areas of life. But to take an example here in the topic that we’re talking about is, let’s say when it comes to going out to dinner, you’re totally Awaken man. Like you got it. That example. You were like, Yeah, I do that like twice a week. Right? Great. But then when it comes to spending money, all of a sudden, you’re not so awakened. All of a sudden, you revert back to macho asshole guy and dictating who’s going to spend the money and on what and when. Right?

Kevin Anthony 24:23
So the idea is that you got to look at the whole picture, and who you are, in all the different situations you can think of and see whether or not you’re really as awakened as you think you are, or as you want to be.

Céline Remy 24:40
So the first step here is to be bold and to take action because inertia is never going to lead you anywhere. And that’s really nothing happens unless you make a change and take the first step. So that’s the number one thing is to take action.

Kevin Anthony 24:58
Yeah, just sitting on your ass. Going Yeah, one day, I should probably figure that out isn’t going to do anything,

Céline Remy 25:04
Which lead us to its number two. And that’s similar to what Kevin is talking about to start to look at yourself very honestly. and identify the trades that you have that are really good and the trades that take you away from that awakened masculine and then be willing to throw away the stuff that doesn’t work. And I’m going to revert with the number free, which is something that I do teach a lot with my clients which I call this super version of yourself.

Céline Remy 25:37
What I mean by that is when you start to think about this awakened masculine and you imagine and so here I am talking to Kevin it’s like super Kevin, right, the Superman version of Kevin super Kevin. Take some time to really feel into it in terms of what does he do? How does he go through life? What are his character traits? What makes him masculine?

Céline Remy 26:08
And once you become really clear with that, like take a little pause during the day, also when you’re facing a decision, ask yourself if I take this decision or go there, am I going towards my super version, the super Kevin version of myself? Or am I just sticking with the regular version of myself?

Kevin Anthony 26:31
Yeah, and you know, the key to this step is radical honesty. You gotta fucking Be honest with yourself. And that’s not always the easiest thing to do. You have to be able to look yourself in the mirror and go, yeah, I’m that guy. Right, whether you want to or not that and you just have to be honest, you got to really look at it and you got to look at it from as many angles as you can think of. Because like we said before you go Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 26:59
Got this. And then, you know, Friday night comes along and you end up with an argument because you were being a macho asshole. So yeah, I love that idea of the super version. And I would like to tie three into number four, which is if you’re having a hard time figuring out or envisioning what you’re super version is, find a role model. Find somebody that you can look at and go, I want to be like that guy over there. Like he’s really got his shit together. Like I see the way the women react to him. They love him, they respect him, they fall all over him. Like, that’s what I want.

Kevin Anthony 27:37
And this is something I don’t we talk about this all the time. And sometimes I just don’t understand why people don’t quite get it. But if you have a goal that you want to meet, and you know somebody or you have an example of someone that’s already met that goal, just look at what they do. How did they get there? Don’t recreate the wheel from scratch doesn’t necessarily mean that everything they do is going to work for you, but it’s a damn good starting point.

Céline Remy 28:07
And ask them what are you doing? You know, if you see that relationship like if the man you’re looking at has a beautiful relationship with his wife, like, ask him what are you top free advice? Like, how do you make this work? What what what are the lessons you’ve learned? Like, be curious,

Kevin Anthony 28:23
this is something that that kind of drives me a little crazy sometimes, which is like, I’m going to take the example of diet, right? So I worked as a personal trainer and studied nutrition and all that kind of stuff. And I know Selena has a background in that too, is like we try to eat really healthy and you know, you can only see us from like you know, the chest down, but yeah, we’re pretty fit especially, you know, for my age or fitter than the average person my age and, and people always say like, oh, man, I want to look like you and boy, you know, I wish I could be that that thin or whatever.

Kevin Anthony 28:58
When you come to the decision of, well, okay, so tell me what you eat. Then they hear what I eat. They’re like, Oh, no, no, no. I, you know, now I gotta have my whatever or this that.  I just laugh all the time. I’m like, you just told me you wanted to be like me. And then when I tell you what it took to be like this guy, no, no, no, that’s not for me. Find a role model, find out what they do. Then at least try it. See if it works for you. It might not but I mean, look, it worked for that person. So you know, it works. Question is, does it work for you? You’re gonna know that is if you try it.

Céline Remy 29:43
Okay, our number five is to speak your truth. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 29:55
This Well, I mean, everybody should speak you should be speaking their truth all the time. Right. Let me know I wish that we lived in the kind of world where everybody just spoke the truth in a compassionate way. Right, that would cure so many problems that we have in this world. But in this particular case, you know, women are amazingly intuitive. And they generally know when you’re not speaking your truth or when you’re holding back. And that’s super unsexy to them.

Céline Remy 30:22
Absolutely. And I have to say, a man who follows through with his words, and I’m tying these two together in terms of speaking of your truth, and, and following through because when guys still hear somebody tells me I’m going to do X. I expect them to keep their words meaning to speak the truth. And if they don’t, I get very disappointed. If it’s a man and I’m in a relationship with that person. There’s some big score like big points that are being deducted from the scoreboard.

Céline Remy 30:56
That’s just how it is and it’s not always conscious, but I start to lose Again respect and being a woman, if I see the person not stepping it up not following through with what they say women have a tendency to fill in the gaps and then I will be stepping in and stepping in my masculine taking over because we are very good at doing that. So if you are in a relationship with a woman who tends to be a little bit ballbusting castrating or taking the lead, I really want to ask you like, like, how are you not stepping it up? like where are the places you are not speaking your truth and in taking that lead because if she’s doing that, it’s because you’re giving her space for that?

Kevin Anthony 31:47
You know, they call that?

Céline Remy 31:49
There’s a joke coming right?

Kevin Anthony 31:51
degree at South Park reference, if you’ve seen any of the recent South Park’s but Integrity really, right? It’s like having integrity. It’s like when you say you’re going to do something follow through that means so, so much to a woman. And the thing is, is a lot of women probably won’t admit it. They’ll say, I don’t need a man and I don’t want to rely on a man. It’s not that you need a man. It’s not that you have to rely on a man.

Kevin Anthony 32:21
But what I’ve noticed is, women want to know that they can rely on them if they need to, and that’s where the integrity part comes in. Because the more you say, you’ll do something and then you don’t do it. She just starts going, I can’t trust him. I can’t rely on him.

Céline Remy 32:36
Absolutely. And then if we look at our awakened feminine and awakened masculine that dance, it’s really that you that you’re talking about being able to it’s not that you need a man or it’s not that you need a woman is that you choose and you choose to play that dance and to to be with one another. And that’s really when it becomes so beautiful.

Céline Remy 32:55
Just because I’m the woman, there might be some things that I do better and If that’s what would would work like, yeah, given your, your, let me do this and there are places where like, hey, there are things you do better or you or I don’t like to do and you step up and do this and it works really well. You just have to be willing to have some of those discussions. Back to that number five about speaking your truth, which means like, be honest, be honest, when something works for you to be honest when something doesn’t work for you.

Céline Remy 33:25
Here’s the thing we want that even though we don’t always like hearing it, I would much rather take honesty and integrity than having lies because then I know I can trust that person. If that person stands me know when Kevin tells me No, I don’t particularly like it. But there’s a part of me who loves it, because then I know I can trust it when he says a yes.

Kevin Anthony 33:49
Yeah, and that flows perfectly into number six, which is to stop putting everyone else’s needs above your own. And so what you were just talking about is setting healthy boundaries. The problem with the first

Céline Remy 34:03
the macho, macho, dominant masculine?

Kevin Anthony 34:07
Yeah, the problem with that guy is his boundaries are they’re arbitrary often they’re not necessarily healthy, there’s no real explanation for them. But that doesn’t mean that once you move over, you know, into the other levels, that you can’t set boundaries, that you should be healthy boundaries. And there should be reasoning behind the boundaries, like good reasoning, not just because I said so,

Céline Remy 34:29
we do have a whole episode on how to set healthy boundaries. So go back a few episodes, look for that one. If you haven’t listened to it, it’s going to tell you all the nuts and like all everything you need to do to make it work.

Kevin Anthony 34:41
And so you know, don’t put everyone else’s needs above yourself. This is what the second stage guy does, right? Which is always good. Okay, okay. Okay. You know what I was going to go it but I’ll stay and I’ll just I’ll do this. But here’s what happens with that is eventually resentment builds up.

Céline Remy 34:55
Because of you both sides

Kevin Anthony 34:56
on both sides. Yeah, well, one on your side, because you’re not doing the things you want to do, because you’re always stopping to give to the other person. And then on the other side,

Céline Remy 35:05
huh, yeah, because well, there’s something about like, if you can always step over the guy, you lose that respect. That’s just how it is you like, please like, tell me no, please stand up to me so that I can see your strength and I can desire you. If you stop doing this, I’ve stopped, I will stop wanting you.

Kevin Anthony 35:27
Sometimes you’re the rock wall that the river runs into and then redirects in the other direction. times you’re the sandy bank who moves out of the way, but sometimes you got to be the rock.

Céline Remy 35:39
So we have a few more things. Number seven is to do guys stuff. I think Kevin, you should talk more about that one.

Kevin Anthony 35:49
It’s a great way to tap into your masculinity, right? So if you’re maybe somewhat afraid about stepping into your masculinity, especially in the beginning with your woman and you’re like I’m afraid of over Doing it in her not liking it and blah, blah, blah. Then go somewhere where you can have healthy expressions of masculinity without worrying about going too far. Right?

Kevin Anthony 36:10
So go do guys stuff like I don’t know, maybe you know some friends who are into martial arts say, Hey, you know, show me some martial arts stuff or go fishing or camping, hiking, mountain biking, rock climbing, like whatever it is, go build a deck with your buddy on his house, you know, just go do something that gets you in touch with your masculinity. You got to use your muscles a little bit, pick things up, build things, figure out problems, you know, just have a healthy expression for that masculinity.

Céline Remy 36:37
Yeah, and I think we can tie it with one of our numbers here with number nine because it’s like finding that activity will help you to take action and when you move, you start to feel this masculine and power and energy because it’s not going to show up if you just sit on your ass, right? It starts to show up when you’re in action and you start to feel it’s like a muscle that you like the more you work it the more it will die. A lot, you got to cultivate it. Yes, absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 37:03
And, you know, I will also say there’s a balance to right. So, if you tell your woman, you’re setting a boundary, and this Saturday, you’re going to go do something with your friends, she will respect that. If every single Saturday, you know, 52 weeks in a row or whatever it is, you know, you’re like, I’m going to go do this. She’s gonna go, No, you’re not making time for me, right? So find the balance of setting healthy boundaries and doing your guy stuff, while also making sure that you give her the time that she needs with you.

Céline Remy 37:37
She needs to be your number one. She needs to know that she’s number one on your list, but at the same time that’s not all there is. It’s a very tricky thing. Because it’s like yeah, I want to know I’m number one at the same time. I want to know I’m not your entire world. I don’t know if it makes sense for the guys listening but actually that

Kevin Anthony 37:54
that made perfect sense to me. Know that you’re number one, but that not the entire world. Yeah, so more to it there. There actually is a 2-3-4-5. Absolutely. As opposed to only being a one. Yeah, absolutely. All right, let’s do number eight.

Céline Remy 38:09
Okay. Um, yeah, take charge, especially in the bedroom. Uh-huh.

Kevin Anthony 38:18
You know, this is exactly the same as taking charge of what restaurant in the bedroom, you step up, you propose ideas. You do things, whether it’s like, okay, you’re going to go into the room first. And you’re going to lower the lights, put out some music, light a candle, put out the Venus Matt, whatever it is.

Kevin Anthony 38:38
You’re going to set all that up, and then you’re going to say, Hey, you know, it would be really fun. Why don’t we do this? Now she may go, Yeah, she may go, I am. Not in the mood for that. But it doesn’t matter. You’re taking charge. And that’s what she really wants to see.

Céline Remy 38:52
But what I liked in what you described to it showed sensitivity. It wasn’t just like, Hey, I’m naked on the bed and come and ride me, woman.

Kevin Anthony 39:00
Yeah, it wasn’t just “get over here and suck my cock.”

Céline Remy 39:04
was like, Hey, I’m setting up space, the mood creating something romantic, you know, so it’s speaking to that part of her as well. So that was a really nice example, Kevin.

Kevin Anthony 39:13
Why thank you

Céline Remy 39:15
I know it came from real life. So it all in my mind’s eye.

Kevin Anthony 39:22
Alright, number 10 on our list is don’t be afraid to fail. Right? So you know, and this is something that we see like especially guys that are stuck in stage two, and they start thinking all right, maybe I want to do this but then they’re afraid to fail. Don’t be afraid to fail if you’re coming from a place of genuineness. And you’re really wanting like to do something for her and like, connection. Yeah, yeah. Then even if it doesn’t go 100% the way you thought it might. It’ll still be okay.

Céline Remy 39:57
You know, ultimately the fear of failing is a fear of women in general. And so stepping into the awakened feminine masculine sorry, you are no longer fearing that feminine. And there’s that place where you like yeah, women are wild creatures and that’s okay with me. But you are man enough to tame the wild creature.

Céline Remy 40:23
Oh, that is so sexy. Yeah, well, you are man enough to not be you’re not a mama’s boy anymore. You’re a man. You don’t need to always get her approval like get her love to be validated in your masculinity.

Kevin Anthony 40:37
See this scar right here? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Céline Remy 40:44
very fine line. So don’t be afraid to fail. Don’t be a fool either. But play with that.

Kevin Anthony 40:51
I mean, this goes for any new endeavor challenge that you’re going to take on, right like you know, music. It’s like, the one thing that everybody’s afraid of. I don’t want to go play with them. They’re too good. What if I suck? Yeah, but you know how you get better you go play with people better than you. And so what if you suck? You know, I mean, we’ve all been there. Still there sometimes.

Céline Remy 41:11
So we challenge you to live on the edge and on your deepest truths so you can live a life of Integrity, Authenticity, and freedom because the world needs a strong masculine man, and we need you. So find that edge. Go for this and stay connected to your heart as you’re doing that.

Kevin Anthony 41:31
Yeah. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode, and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 41:50
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Selena remy.com. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 42:07
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 42:08
And remember, you’re amazing.