Dirty Talk Essentials With Susan Bratton

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you are a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you because well, sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 70. And it is titled dirty talk essentials with Susan Bratton. Now, I’m excited because I think this is going to be really fun for a couple of reasons. The first reason is that it’s a fun subject. The second reason is because you and I do not really consider ourselves to be like really great at dirty talk. And of course

Céline Remy 0:55
Talked for yourself.

Kevin Anthony 0:57
But it’s one of the things we often say right like, we really don’t do a lot of dirty talk. Although, having read some of our guests, we brought in a guest expert on this to help us out. And when I was going through some of our guests material, I realized that we actually do more dirty talk than I really thought.

Kevin Anthony 1:15
And it reminded me of the time that we didn’t really want to go to that kinky sex party we were invited to because right whenever the kinky like, what are we gonna do to kinky sex party, right? But we went anyway, and then we realized afterwards we’re like, actually, we’re kinky or than we think so. So I think we’re gonna have a lot of fun here.

Céline Remy 1:37
So I am super excited, and I want to introduce our guest. But before we do that, we want to do a quick shout out to our sponsor power and mastery. This is the most competent sexual training for men to develop your stamina, boost your confidence and enhance your sexual abilities. So make sure you check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com if you’re ready to seriously change your sex life

Céline Remy 2:00
So today we have Susan Bratton and she is the trusted hot sex advisor to millions. And she’s a champion and advocate for all who desire deeply connected and passionate intimacy. She is married to her husband Tim since 1993. I really wanted to keep that in because this is a rare thing and I’m like cheering you, Susan, you who, but she’s got so many fans.

Céline Remy 2:25
She’s an author and our award-winning speaker and a serial entrepreneur who teaches passionate lovemaking techniques to her fans around the world. And you might already be familiar with Susan. She has been featured in The New York Times on CNBC, the today show, I mean, ABC, CBS, the CW Fox, and NBC, I mean everywhere and she is known as “the marriage magician”. And you can find more about Susan at Personal life media.com but she will tell you all about that too at the end of the episode, but here we are welcome Susan.

Susan Bratton 2:59
Hi, beauties How you doing today? I’m so glad to hear that you do more dirty talk than you thought you did. Isn’t that a nice discovery like, oh, we’re better than we thought we were. Most people think they’re better than they actually are.

Kevin Anthony 3:17
That’s never really been our problem.

Susan Bratton 3:21
Kevin, I’m dying to know when you were reading the book, what was it that you realized you do that you didn’t actually think about as dirty talk and that you kind of gave yourself the bonus points for?

Kevin Anthony 3:33
Okay, that’s a great question. So, I love it. Our guest is interviewing us.

Céline Remy 3:40
You are on the hot seat.

Kevin Anthony 3:41
Well, so you know, when I started reading through it, I saw a lot of examples of things that maybe people don’t necessarily think about when they think of dirty talk, right? Because people think, Oh, you know, like, I can’t work I can’t tear you apart. I’m gonna fuck this shit out of you. Like you know people think like, you know, kind of more What we call dirty sort of dirty talk, but there were tons of examples in there of things that are sort of a different level.

Kevin Anthony 4:07
You know, like, Oh, you look stunning, your ass looks amazing in that dress. You know, I don’t remember the exact examples, but little things like that, that maybe people don’t realize actually are examples of dirty talk. And that’s when I realized, we do that all the time. I’m always telling you, wow, that just makes your breasts look amazing. You know.

Céline Remy 4:26
I want to do you.

Kevin Anthony 4:27
Yeah, and I’m not necessarily thinking that. I’m going to a dirty-talker. I’m just I’m literally just complimenting her on how she looks, you know? So I realized that we actually do a lot more of that than I really realized. And you do that a lot too, Céline.

Susan Bratton 4:42
It’s interesting that verbal appreciation is a big part of dirty talk. And that verbal appreciation that is of a sexual nature. That’s dirty talk. And men and women, both people cross the bridge. Under spectrum love to be appreciated. And what’s really interesting is that generally, the masculine likes two kinds of appreciation. What he wants is respect. And to know that he did a great job. Those are the two things that really lift a man up.

Susan Bratton 5:21
And what the feminine likes is an equal amount of both adoration that’s nonsexual and expressing your desire for her sexually. So you have to actually toggle back and forth if, if a partner gives their woman only sexual compliments, then she feels objectified. But if he or she is going back and forth between baby your meat, your turkey meatloaf is so delicious. It makes my mouth water when I even look at it, too. When I see your breasts in that dress, it makes my mouth water. Right?

Susan Bratton 6:14
So the combination of those two things is what women need. If they only get the turkey meatloaf. They’re like, wait, what’s wrong with my boobs? You don’t like my boobs? Do you only like my turkey meatloaf? You have to be very careful with the feminine. It’s almost like you have to keep track, if you in your mind as the masculine is kind of like making sure that that’s about a 50/50 ratio. She’s going to be so happy and turned on and in love with you. And I don’t think you can ever give a woman too much verbal appreciation.

Susan Bratton 6:54
And I think the reason for that is that we’re the masculine. He really wants That respect Baby, you’re the man, you’re the king. You figured it out. I’m relying on you. You’re protecting me, you make me feel safe. I love the way you’ve made sure you know the car got fixed or you kill those ants or the stuff that we need from you. Thank you for taking the trash out for 4332 Mondays in a row, you know, super important stuff to us. With that equal, you just gave me the best orgasm I ever had in my life. I love the veins on your cock, you know, whatever those things are.

Susan Bratton 7:39
That makes him feel really, really good and fills him up because testosterone, him being testosterone dominant. He’s pretty sure of himself, he’s a crusader, he’s like goal-oriented. He’s moving forward, where the feminine being estrogen dominance we are a little more worried. We have a little more anxiety. That’s just the natural state of being for the estrogen feminine.

Susan Bratton 8:07
And so that reassurance that constant stream of verbal reassurance, it makes estrogen makes us have body image issues. It makes us see all the flaws, look at all the risks, see all the problems were testosterone, like, Well, whatever, I can take care of it, I can fix it.

Susan Bratton 8:26
Estrogen doesn’t have that. And so what she needs is all that reassurance, but not in one category or the other, equal both. And so that’s like a real trick to dirty talk is actually understanding when you’re going to say something, what should it be and how should you frame it? Now, you know, estrogens a little worrywart testosterone overly confident and it likes it’s ego fed. You know, like women are always worried about hurting the guy’s ego for a reason.

Susan Bratton 8:55
Because it’s so sure of itself, you know that it doesn’t want to know that it’s done a bad job it wants to know when it’s doing a good job. So I just find the whole idea and I wish I could have actually called my ebook, the one we’re going to give away. We’re giving it away at dirty talk book calm and you can get this whole download, but I would have liked to have called it pillow talk. Because I think there’s an entirely

Susan Bratton 9:24
greenfield opportunity for most people in the bedroom during lovemaking, to get even more into the different types of dirty talk that there are, but I don’t like the word dirty, but that’s what you have to call it for people to know what you’re talking about. And in some ways that attracts as much as it repels because it’s not dirty. It’s like sensual talk, Pillow Talk, passionate talk, loving talk, appreciation, talk, gratitude, talk, sexy talk, you know, but none of those words Is anything anybody’s ever googling? Talk, right?

Kevin Anthony 10:04
Absolutely. I love that you spend about four of my questions. And so I want to come back to a couple of those. But I know that you want to talk about one right now.

Céline Remy 10:12
Well, I love that you brought the differences. I actually like to call it erotic talk, because I think it’s nice because I see a lot of people have issues using it. First of all, we don’t want to use the word dirty, right? Because sex is not dirty. Nothing is dirty about your body about sexuality. And I think it’s sad that we’ve associated that but like you said, this is how people call it so we just have to call it like this. But understand that there is more to it and that it is not dirty.

Céline Remy 10:40
So whenever we got Pillow Talk, erotic talk, I think is really essential. What I love is you brought different nuances and you are definitely spot on in terms of how it works. I think both for the feminine and the masculine. One of my questions is, a lot of my clients, they come to me and they’re like Celine feel shy and I don’t really know how to do to talk or even like even just saying dirty talk is hard.

So this is why I use different words and a lot of my videos of course as this is what I say is like let’s call it erotic talks which remove the charge out. What advice would you have for a woman to start to feel more comfortable to embrace that side of herself and express herself through this pillow talk?

Susan Bratton 11:29
One of the best things that I can say is to be in your heart and to be aware and noticing what it is exactly. That’s turning you on. Such as baby I love it when you help me set up the bedroom for our lovemaking. I really appreciate you helping me put the waterproof sheet on and the and then the other sheet on top and getting the towels and you do such a good job boys Remember to get a pitcher of water and I love the preparation that you bring To our lovemaking so I can completely surrender to my pleasure with you or can you flex your muscles for me?

Susan Bratton 12:06
Can you just do like you know like a couple of those like Mr. Superman flexing things can I just could you just do that and I just stand there and watch you flex your muscles for me for just like a minute or two because it’s so sexy to me. I love how you build your body and how good it feels under my hands but I also really love just looking at you or your conflicts so hard and I love the veins.

I love your balls look so gorgeous and you know you look so turned on for me and I love the way the skin looks, I love the color of the skin of your cock and it just looks that little helmet at the top of your cock looks so delicious. It’s so mouth-watering. I can’t wait to look at what I’m going to look at right now.

Kevin Anthony 12:57
This is working for me already. It’s like you know me, Susan.

Susan Bratton 13:07
And what’s nice about all of that is all I did was notice, all that I did was speak about what I was experiencing. So a lot of times when people think about dirty talk, they think that it should be something that’s kind of like fantasy and I would like to talk about fantasy talk because I think that’s another portal into the pleasure of verbal erotic discourse. But really noticing he could say to her, your pussy looks so beautiful. I can see it getting.

Susan Bratton 13:42
You know, it started out very pink and I can see it fluffing up and plumping up and getting more full of blood and I can see the little edges of your lady. They’re going from pink to dark purple. I’m going to open them and they look like a little butterfly to me. They look so beautiful. I love your little luscious labia. I love how you shave your pussy for me I love that that looks so gorgeous to me. Thank you for doing that it. It feels so soft and smooth and I just can’t wait to dive into your Yoni and taste your beautiful taste.

Susan Bratton 14:15
You know something like that is really just spoken from the heart as you’re looking at your lover’s genitals and expressing appreciation and what you see visually so a lot of dirty talks are actually since senses sensual talk so it’s what am I smelling? What am I tasting? What sounds I’m loving the music Oh, this music turns me on. I love that beat. Fuck me to that beat. You know, whatever, whatever it is, right? I’m just making stuff up you guys. But that is using your eyes, your nose, your ears, your skin the touch who you’re sending tingles up my spine. I can feel my nipples. Getting hard. Like, all that is dirty talk. It’s just based on observation and appreciation.

Céline Remy 15:07
And that’s why we never thought we were good at dirty talking because we never thought that’s what I was. But we actually do that every single day, multiple times a day.

Kevin Anthony 15:16
We did a bunch of that last night.

Céline Remy 15:20
And you know, what’s funny is, even though it’s Susan talking, I’m even getting turned on. It’s like, just the fact Okay, like, of course, my love language is words of appreciation and affirmation. So maybe that helps, but just hearing the words and I’m like, yeah, I’m taking this and I’m like, Oh, I feel it through and through. And I think that’s really amazing. Because it’s not that hard to do. Like you said, paying attention to the little things and saying things out loud. So these were such good examples. Thank you.

Susan Bratton 15:48
Thank you.

Kevin Anthony 15:49
So in that, I think kind of leads into one of my other questions, which is we talked a lot about the how, but I don’t know that we’ve really covered the why yet. So like if somebody’s listening and they’re going, Well, okay, that’s cool. But I mean, what’s the point? Right? Like maybe you could explain to the listeners why they might want to develop this skill and be good at it.

Susan Bratton 16:11
Let’s go back to the masculine-feminine. And remember, if you’re somewhere on the gender-spectrum, you could be switching it doesn’t really matter. I’m just going to say masculine-feminine or man-woman to represent that. But know that there’s space in here for every gender identity and expression.

Susan Bratton 16:33
For for the masculine he worries that you want him for sex. Because his job is to initiate and now I’m speaking in everybody there’s a there is a bell curve in sexuality and I’m speaking to the big middle, you know, middle points of the bell curve here. Some talking about your average dude, and your average Average lady, okay?

Susan Bratton 17:01
So you take from this whatever you want. If you’re somewhere off the edges of the spectrum, that’s totally fine because you’re going to take this in and use this the way you want to, but I’m just going to keep it simple for the mass, the large, you know, the large middle, if you will, the average bear, and the above-average bear. The masculine is the one that needs to initiate the feminine is the one that wants to be seduced. And so that’s a very difficult role for the masculine because he’s always asking, and she’s not always saying yes, so then he’s getting rejected. He’s feeling rejected.

Susan Bratton 17:41
He’s not necessarily getting rejected, but he’s feeling rejected, she might not be rejecting Him, because she doesn’t want him It might just not be her right time or she hasn’t had enough seduction. She hasn’t been warmed up the relationships 10 years old, and it’s going to take a little bit more than just Hey, baby, do you want to have sex? Right I used to work in you know before you got married and the first couple years but it does doesn’t sustain because the new relationship energies wore off and so for the masculine, it’s always a tense situation to ask for sex or to make the offer.

Susan Bratton 18:17
And so he’s never really 100% sure that he’s wanted because he’s always on the edge of rejection. So for him what dirty talk is the signal of being wanted what he wants most is to be wanted. Women are wanted we you know guys always want us for sex. Do you want to have sex with me? Yes. Do you want to sex me? Yes. Do you want to sex me? Yes. That’s always our wanted. We don’t have that same issue. Right. So it’s not we don’t really get rejected. Now. Of course, there are lots of women listening to this who are like my partner’s always rejecting me for sex and that’s a different podcast.

Susan Bratton 18:55
Okay. That’s, there’s a lot that’s like we could do go down and explain why that happens. And what to do about it but that’s not this episode. So for all of the women who have partners who need to hear that they’re wanted, maybe I want you you’re hot you turned me on. I want you to fuck me, I love it when you make love to me, I can’t wait to be in your arms. I can’t wait for you to hold me. Can you give me an hour-long massage before we make love?

Susan Bratton 19:21
I can’t wait to spend three hours in the bedroom with you today. I can’t wait for you to get here tomorrow so that we can make love you know, whatever those things are. That’s that reassurance that is in the Yes, I want you I respect you. You’re awesome. You do a great job goes back to the original thing that I said. So that’s what dirty talk does for him. It helps him really understand what he is desired and it is okay for him to proceed with his desire and his lust for you. For the woman what she likes the dirty top For is going back to be being.

Susan Bratton 20:03
Being reassured that she’s desirable that she’s sexy that she’s wanted that she’s beautiful that you know that that you for whatever reason, find her to be the one that turns you on more than anyone else. She wants to be the one that does it for you. And because she’s shy, she’s shy about our genitals. For most men, though there is a lot of genital shame among men, especially in the era of pornography and giant schlong and all that stuff. Did they Schlong in Schwitzerland Céline?

Céline Remy 20:46
No and I think that’s the first time we said it on the show so… Schlong for you!

Susan Bratton 20:56
But what she wants is to know that she looks good Because estrogen makes her body-conscious, she holds herself up to Madison Avenue to the porn stars to the airbrushed Instagram. And she doesn’t feel enough. And so what she wants is to be drawn out, to be worshiped, to be found beautiful, and to be encouraged to live into her sensual and sexual potential. She wants you to pull her, hold her toward her turn on, take her into surrender through your verbal reassurance.

Kevin Anthony 21:37
Yeah, and that, you know, that’s a fantastic answer. And what I love about that answer is, it wasn’t just, well, it’ll make your sex life better. Oh, you’ll have more fun. It actually really took it down into the real core human needs, what we each need as individuals and why this really meets those needs. So I think that’s a fantastic answer.

Susan Bratton 21:57
Thank you.

Kevin Anthony 21:58
You’re welcome. The other piece that I love is you really brought in the aspect of polarity. And this is something that Céline and I talk about a lot. And it’s one of those topics that people either get and they go Yes. Or they get totally triggered by and they go, No, no, it has nothing to do with that. Because I miss and identify, you know, it can really trigger people, but I’ve really loved the way you leave that in there because, yeah, it doesn’t really matter, necessarily what your physical gender is, but it’s where you identify, and that these things really do play in with everything in your sex life, including dirty talk.

Céline Remy 22:38
Mm-hmm. Okay, go Go for it. Oh, you had something or not.

Kevin Anthony 22:43
No, but Susan did.

Susan Bratton 22:45
I did.

Céline Remy 22:46
Go ahead, Susan.

Susan Bratton 22:47
Okay, so it reminded me I want to tell you another dimension of dirty talk. There’s a Harvard psychiatrist who wrote a fabulous book called The Open Mind system. Dawna Markova, in which she studied thousands and thousands of people and realize that we are visual, auditory and kinesthetic. In our three brainwave states. The three brainwave states are alpha, beta, and theta. Those are your three basic brainwave states. So, beta is what we’re in right now because we’re awake. We’re aware we’re conversing. Alpha is so that’s your conscious mind. Your and your subconscious mind is alpha.

Susan Bratton 23:34
So it’s beta and then alpha. and your unconscious mind is beta. Meditation is a theta state. orgasm is a theta state. They share that when you know, you know when you’re out of your mind and you’re just riding the waves of orgiastic pleasure when you’re in orgasm and you’re just the world is gone, time is gone. All that is there is the pleasure that your co-creator. In your lovemaking, you’re in theta state at that moment. And you’re either an auditory-visual or kinesthetic in your theta state.

Susan Bratton 24:11
So when you’re making love when you’re in the bedroom, you and your partner might have the same state or you know, the same open mind system or you might be different and chances are, you’re different. So one of you might be visual, one of you might be auditory one of you might be kinesthetic, and you’re going to have a different desire for a different kind of dirty talk. While you’re making love. I’ll give you an example. I’m kinesthetic when I make love, everything for me is about what I’m feeling.

Susan Bratton 24:43
I like to joke that I call myself an “orgasmanaut” because I go out into space in these giant orgasmic experiences I have in the last 15 years trained myself to have orgasms from At least 15 or 20 different ways, different kinds of orgasms. And one of the orgasmic techniques that I use is called expanded orgasm, which is taking the moment of climax and stretching time out so that I can stay right at the peak moment of climax and ride that like a surfer rides a big wave and to shore.

Susan Bratton 25:22
And when I’m in that orgasmic state of surrender to my pleasure with my lover, I’m in my feta state. So I don’t really want to hear a lot of auditories. It disrupts me, I’m, I’m in feeling mode. And I don’t want to talk. And I often have my eyes closed because I’m such a visual person, but that takes me into my I’m in my beta state and I’m awake and aware I’m a visual show me a picture and I understand things. So I don’t want to talk and I don’t want to see I like a dark and I just like to be in that like feeling space. So for me, my dirty talk comes before lovemaking.

Susan Bratton 26:05
I mean, there’s a moment where my lover and I’ll stop, and will be like, fucking amazing. I love you so much. God damn it, this is a mate. And then we go right back to right like so there’s certainly sometimes we express. baby girl, my hair, you know, or whatever, right? That happens. It’s not like I don’t talk. But I was got an email from a guy the other day and he’s like, my wife doesn’t want me to say anything when we’re having sex, because she can’t have an orgasm. If I talk and we’re older, and I’m having a harder and harder time achieving climax.

Susan Bratton 26:40
And so I want her to tell me things I want her to talk to me. And I said, Okay, well, here’s how you solve it. You. You give her a bunch of orgasms quietly so she can get off and then when it’s your turn to come, you tell her to come to beg you to come, baby. I want you to come for Come on baby you know you want to You’re so I’m so hot Aren’t you so hot we’re having such a great time. Come for me baby Come on, I know you can do it comes to come inside me, I want you to come Come inside me, you know, whatever that is like encouraging it because a lot of guys have been afraid to ejaculate inside women because women are like, we’ve been trained.

Susan Bratton 27:18
You know, it’s disgusting or you’re going to get pregnant or you didn’t get diseases like we’ve been fear-based trained to be afraid of it right? It’s just crazy. And so what he needs is to be told and coax to come. So that’s how to solve that problem. My lover is auditory in his data state. And so sometimes what I’ll do to give him a special surprise, a special treat is I’ll just be the dominant I’ll just be I’ll get a lay him down. I’ll get on top of him.

Susan Bratton 27:53
I’ve been practicing my intercourse. I’ve been learning how to really give him Incredible pleasure with my whole body but particularly with my magical muscles and like really working on, like things I can do stroke techniques and squeezes and all kinds of stuff to just like, take him to the edge and hold him there and like just get him into orgasm and just keep him in orgasm. And part of what I do is I tell him a dirty story. I tell him a fantasy.

Susan Bratton 28:24
Because when he’s in his feta state, and he’s auditory, he will literally not even remember what I said when we’re done when he’s back in beta. He’s like, I think it was something about cheerleaders that came and they all were crotchless panties and a couple of rods and lingerie and I think they all had sex with me, you know, and like so he can’t really remember it. So I just, I literally and I’ve learned how to do this over the years once I just got once we discovered this open mind, beta, alpha, you know, the whole story. This whole scenario I just started practicing.

Susan Bratton 29:03
I was super shy. I mean, all this stuff is learned skills, you just start doing it and get better at it. You laugh about it and you say some goofy stuff. But I realized I can literally say anything to that man when I am on time and have him in orgasm. And I see the crazy it doesn’t even have to make any sense. Oh, give us some examples like well, this has to be like a long string of stuff I know he thinks is sexy. I know what his little like roll turn-ons are. And I’ll just string together these phantasmagorical stories for him while I have him in his pleasure zone.

Susan Bratton 29:41
And he, oh my god, he just loves that. Would that work for me? Not so good. I like it when he’s giving me a gentle massage as one of our foreplay techniques to really bring blood flow into my genitals. I like the genital massage where he tells me a fantasy story. So I literally just lay there. almost completely still sometimes because one of the things that I’ve learned is that I don’t do anything in my sex life that is

Susan Bratton 30:12
doing it because I think I should let my body be the mirror for my level of turn-on my state etc. And my body will get warmed up, it will start undulating like a snake it will start getting my genitals will get full of blood. I’ll start having orgasms, I’ll start moaning and I’ll start coming. I just give myself the time to do it. So I can be literally laying there like I’m practically dead. It doesn’t bother him at all because he knows that my body’s just not responding. yet he’s building my turn on, and he’s telling me a story, and he’s stroking my genitals and I’m loving it, but I’m not faking it.

Susan Bratton 30:59
Whatever happens, happens is real between the two of us. And so that’s when I like to hear my stories. I don’t like to hear my stories when I’m already coming. I like to hear my stories to get me into my orgasmic state. So once you start to understand that about your partner, then you know, okay, these are the times they’re going to want to hear from me, Oh, these are the times they’re going to want to hear it from me. And you’re all we’re all so different. So I hope that was an interesting angle also on not only dirty talk but on when and why it’s different between partners.

Kevin Anthony 31:32
Yeah, absolutely. And you know, you’re making my job here really easy, because you’re answering every question before I even asked it. I thought that I was going to sort of catch you by asking you I had it written down right here. Give us some examples of your personality, your personal type of dirty talking like, Oh, yeah, I’m gonna catch you off guard with that one. No, boom, you just go right into it.

Céline Remy 32:00
What I loved about what he described to was, okay? These skills are learned skills, right? Because everybody thinks just because we born a sexual being doesn’t mean we have the skills like anything, the more we practice, the better we get at it. And we say that all of the time and I truly believe in that. So I love that you mentioned that. And now that you mentioned the piece of understanding each other and having some communication because these are things you do talk about.

Céline Remy 32:28
Kevin and I have no problem talking about who turns us on our fantasies if he finds a woman attractive or if I find a man or woman attractive. Like we know I know he’s died I pulled her out. I like that one. Like anytime we go out I get like, I know which one was your favorite? And it because he gives me so much appreciation. I never feel like I don’t have enough or there’s a threat to our relationship is those insights give me like Lisa pearls into his psyche? into what he likes. And like you said, you can use them at the proper times.

Céline Remy 33:04
So I love to bring that yes, talk about those things, create carve moments, and know that it’s not about jealousy or taking away from your relationship. It’s really about building something stronger bringing you together. Yeah, and I think that’s, that’s really powerful. And I love my question I wanted to ask earlier was really around the fantasy part because you were saying yeah, this fantasy talk. Is there anything else you think it’d be a really good question or like a way to kind of like bring it back like that you want to add around that difference between dirty talking and fantasy talk?

Susan Bratton 33:40
Yeah, I think one of the most important things to have hot monogamy which is really, really a strong part of my wheelhouse is hot monogamy. Because I’ve been married for 30 years and my sex life’s never been better. And isn’t that nice to know that someone pushing 60 is having the best orgasms and sexual pleasure And hot sex that they’ve ever had?

Kevin Anthony 34:01
Yeah. You are now role model

Céline Remy 34:06
We put you on the wall of the role models,

Susan Bratton 34:09
and I have role models in their 70s and 80s.

Kevin Anthony 34:12
I’m going to get a bracelet it’s gonna it’s gonna be what would Susan do?

Susan Bratton 34:20
But going back to your question, Céline about fantasy, one of the things that I like to think about is the facets of keeping a sex life hot. And it’s, it’s all founded on doing something new desire is an equal com yeah, we talked about for women. It’s an equal combination of toggling between telling her how adorable she is, and how sexy she is. Well, desire is also an equal combination of safety and security, comfort, knowing that you’re safe and something New different kinky, unusual variety novelty. When you have novelty on top of safety, you increase desire.

Susan Bratton 35:12
No safety without novelty is boring. It takes you down to safety with a variety of novelty takes you up. And so what is variety and novelty it’s a lot of different things. Some of the big categories are learning something new together like learning how to become a multi-orgasmic man learning how to have female ejaculatory orgasms learning how to do those expanded orgasms I was talking about reminding me I’ll give you my program expand her orgasm tonight. It’s a clitoral stroking practice that helps you get to ride that that wave of climactic energy.

Susan Bratton 35:50
My husband Tim and I have had a 15 year expanded orgasm practice. So that’s one of the reasons that I’m such a good comer. So I’ll make a note to make sure I do. That as my gift to you. So having different types of orgasms, you know whether that’s eight orgasms, parents orgasms, G spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, nipple orgasms, mouth, chasms, throat chasms, fellatio, orgasms kind of Lingus chasms, you know, the list goes on and off.

Susan Bratton 36:20
You know, there’s all kinds of like, location guys come and stimulation chasms and things so that that’s all fun stuff to learn. Penetration orgasms, right? I mean, the large majority of women still aren’t having orgasms from intercourse. That’s one of the first ones I’d recommend to learn how to do it. Women think, oh, I don’t do that. And it’s like, No, you just don’t know how to do that everyone can do it. It’s just a learned skill. So you know, that’s one facet of learning.

Susan Bratton 36:49
The second facet of learning is things like role play fantasy scenario running just it doesn’t have to be anything you act on it. can just be crazy shit you make up the turns you both on, right? There’s that whole category. Then there’s another category which is locations like public sex on the dining room table hotels, sex, beach sex, whatever, you know, like expanding that that’s adds a little element of danger and novelty. And then there’s the sex toy experience, whether that’s you know, we’re going to try pegging or we’re going to use a vibrator or a dildo or whatever, you know, whatever.

Susan Bratton 37:34
There’s so many interesting high-quality sex toys out there. And so, so there’s that, you know, there’s a lot of different and then there’s the whole like going out to sex parties or opening your relationship having threesomes you know, involving other people, right. So, if then there’s kink, right, so you could do that. Hold on, I want to be blindfolded when you make love to me. I like blindfolded because I don’t want to see anyway, the more I don’t feel guilty for not opening my eyes, the more I’m like, Well, I got a blindfold on. So obviously I can just close my eyes and enjoy myself.

Susan Bratton 38:14
You’ll find out that there are certain types of things like never been spanked, maybe you want to be spanked, you know, and wait, this is so many different types of experiences that you can have. And when you’re talking about them, that’s dirty talk.

Because you’re having sexual sensual, erotic, interesting fantasy discussions about these things, and then you’re talking yourself through the experiences as well, that sensual erotic talk to so dirty talk has just these massive possibilities to enjoy your sexuality and expand your pleasure together. That I didn’t want to forget to talk about that dimension of dirty talk which is dimensionalizing your sexuality.

Kevin Anthony 39:01
I like to one of the pieces that you brought in was that when you’re in the fantasy realm, it doesn’t mean that you necessarily want that in real life. And that’s something that we talked about a lot is it was all but if I say that he’s gonna think that, you know, I really want to be gang-raped by like five guys yeah. So so there’s that whole piece where people won’t go there because they’re afraid if they actually say that then their partner is going to think that’s what they actually want.

Kevin Anthony 39:26
And so one of the things that we like to tell, you know, the people we work with is that just make sure that you’re clear that this is in the realm of fantasy, and it’s okay to talk about it there. And it’s not necessarily what you want in reality, especially when the woman is voicing what she wants. Yeah,

Susan Bratton 39:41
I think for a lot of women, they even struggle to have a fantasy. I think for a lot of men, they have more fantasies because men tend to masturbate more than women do. They watch more porn than women do. So, I mean, generally, I think that their Fantasy Life on average is richer than their female counterparts, especially in women who are over 40. younger women seem to be a little bit more sexually self-expressed now as the culture changes and open.

Susan Bratton 40:11
So for a lot of women, they might be hearing this. If you’re a woman, and you’re listening to this, and you’re like, I don’t have any fantasies, not I don’t know what I’m thinking, nothing’s going through my head, I wouldn’t know the first thing to even talk about. What I can tell you is that it’s in you. It’s just that you haven’t listened to her yet. She, your turn-ons are in there. And not only that, your desires, all your crankiness. And I don’t mean it has to be anything scary. I just mean, that danger and novelty. It’s in there. You just have to listen to her.

Susan Bratton 40:48
And as you mature sexually as you start to listen to her and you say, Oh, well, it makes me a little choked up to say this. I’m embarrassed about this, but yeah, there is kind of one thing that if I think about it, maybe it doesn’t even turn me on it. Maybe it just like, makes me a little nervous. You know, like, start listening to what those things are, and letting that kind of bubble up in your head. give time to yourself to explore what might turn you on. I recently did a 30-day masturbation challenge.

Susan Bratton 41:23
And I just tried to masturbate every single morning I’m a morning masturbate, or apparently. I just tried, to see what the effect of that would be. And like 10 days in I kind of ran out of fantasies, like I like, like the last four days in a row. I gotta come up with something else. And so I was able to then become more awake and aware during my day, to be on the lookout for what was like, oh, oh, I go, I opened myself to what might be the father for tomorrow morning’s fantasy.

Susan Bratton 42:04
That really helped me cultivate more desire and fantasy and that’s the beautiful thing about masturbation or solo pleasuring is that especially for women. It increases the lubrication of our genital and engorgement, which means it’s easier to achieve orgasm when we actually have partnered sex. And it helps us cultivate our fantasy mind, it helps us just be in turn on as a state of living more of a percentage of the day and night.

Susan Bratton 42:36
And when you are living from a place of being a turned-on woman, you are living a more creative, more zesty, more lusty, more passionate, overall life. So your sexuality is fuel for your overall life. Pleasure and Like we said it’s a learned skill so just beginning to be aware of it and cultivated is up is something where you’ll be surprised at how easy it gets over time.

Céline Remy 43:11
Thank you, Susan. There was so much in this episode so many gems. I’m like, Wow, my mind is blown is bongs like this was fantastic. I think you should all listen to it over and over until it’s like really ingrained and remembers it’s all a learned skill. Please tell our listeners where they can find more about you. The link for will have all the links anyway in the show notes and on our website, but let them know where they can find their free book that you gifting and everything else.

Susan Bratton 43:42
Okay, well, you can get the book and we heart. It’s not that big a book. I like small books. How many pages is this thing? It’s probably like 40 pages. It’s really short. I like little books. I like little hinges that swing big doors. This particular book is at dinner. You talk book.com It’s a free pdf download. And it’s really fun to read with your partner. And I know that we haven’t even really gotten into some of the techniques that were in this book. It’s very rich, I think.

Susan Bratton 44:13
And then you can also find me on Instagram. I’m at Susan Bratton. And if YouTube doesn’t shut my channel down, I’ve got hundreds of videos of all kinds about how to have penetration, orgasms, how to have the stamina, you name it, it’s on there. And if you find me on YouTube, you can go to better lover calm, better lover calm takes you right to my YouTube channel.

Susan Bratton 44:44
And then my main website, which has thousands of searchable articles on anything you could possibly imagine with regard to passionate lovemaking. That’s at personal lifemedia.com and what I like to say about my flavor of sex techniques is I transform, having sex into making love. That’s what I’m all about. I’m all about how to connect and go from being two to one united in passionate ecstasy. That’s what I really stand for.

Céline Remy 45:25
Yeah. This is why you’re here on the love lab because we’re all in alignment. Yes, everybody, make sure you check out all of those links and Suzanne’s work. I have been following her for years. Her stuff a really good I even followed the sexuality summit that she had, like she gathers great experts great articles, so make sure you dive into her things. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 45:48
and please go get that ebook because as Susan said, There is so much more in there that we never even got a chance to cover like, yeah, just not enough time. But it’s good because we’re going to leave you all wanting a little bit more. You’re going to go get that ebook. Alright, Susan, thank you so much for coming on with us. We really appreciate it.

Susan Bratton 46:11
So great to be with both of you. You’re just absolute treasures and I had a fabulous time. Thank you for your warm welcome and your kindness.

Kevin Anthony 46:18
You’re welcome. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have on this episode of the love lab podcast, and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 46:38
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Celineremy.com. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 46:55
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 46:56
And remember, you’re amazing.