Why Straight Men Should Take It Up The Ass With Dave Booda

Kevin Anthony 0:12
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. Because well, sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony, and Celine Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. And this is Episode 50. We turned 50 years old. I mean, the episodes. This one is titled “Why straight men should take it up the ass with Dave Booda”. So we’re going to be doing anal in this episode. I hope everybody has done their enema.

Céline Remy 0:49
Yeah, and make sure that wherever you are listening, maybe you can be in a private space because it’s definitely going to be steamy.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
Oh, yes. You know, one of the reasons…Well, there are two reasons really why we want to this episode one is because our guest wrote an amazing article on it that we found very funny, and we thought it would be a great episode, but to we also have another episode called a beginner’s guide to couples prostate massage, and believe it or not, out of all the episodes we’ve released thus far, it’s actually a number one episode.

Kevin Anthony 1:19
We have more downloads of that than any other episode, which really surprised me. So we thought it would be great to continue on do a little follow up on that subject because there’s obviously people want to know about this stuff.

Dave Booda 1:32
There’s a whole group of people that want to know about that stuff.

Céline Remy 1:37
For all of you listening here, if you wondering who that voice is, this is the famous Dave Booda, writer, musician and social entrepreneur. He started the better brother foundation. He is the co-founder of intimacy fest and writes weekly essays for boodaism.com, a popular blog about relationships, creativity, and self-expression. Dave also moonlights as his alter ego Boodananda, a spiritually satirical keratin singer who travels the world performing high vibrational music for enlightened audiences. Oh, yeah.

Dave Booda 2:14
Yeah. Did you have a guest for the beginner prostate episode? Or is it just used your two talking? Yeah, that’s great. I love that. It is it’s a great topic. And I’m also not an expert in that for sure. In a way,  the main thing that I think I bring that helps people when I talk about that is that I’m a pretty normal guy.

Céline Remy 2:38
And that’s why you here Dave.

Dave Booda 2:39
Well, it’s, I guess, people see, you know if I was a gay man with like, you know, who was like flamboyantly feminine, or something straight men would. And I said, Hey, guys, taking up the answers. Great. And here’s why blah, blah. I think straight men would look at that and be like, Yeah, but that’s great for it’s okay for me.

Dave Booda 3:01
But I’m like, I’m a normal dude, I was in the Navy. I’ve just, you know, whatever. And so I think that’s really powerful for guys because I want to role model that you don’t have to be weird to like, explore your sexuality or understand the nuances of patriarchy, and how that’s not great for everybody, you know, stuff like that.

Kevin Anthony 3:20
Absolutely. In fact, we did an episode called “Your Neighbors Are Kinkier Than You Think.” And that was the same goal there was to bring just a regular person and someone that could be your just total next-door neighbor and show just how fucking kinky her sex life was. To give people permission, so that they realize so before we go too far, we wanted to take at least a minute to talk about what we mean by taken in the ass because that could actually mean more than one thing because there are different types of anal play.

Kevin Anthony 3:48
And so there’s probably some straight guys who are listening going, I ain’t taking no dick in the ass. You know, like, there’s somebody is thinking that as they’re listening to this, right, so we wanted to talk about how there are many different ways you can potentially take it in yet.

Céline Remy 4:01
Yeah, so of course, there is anal fingering. So it’s definitely less threatening than a big giant cock a little finger up the ass, which can feel really good. You may have heard of analingus or tossing the salad of

Kevin Anthony 4:17
Or rim job, that’s another one.

Céline Remy 4:21
Granted, you don’t really go in. Well, unless you are really, really kinky and adventurous. So that’s more licking around the inner. Maybe the entrance of it, pegging is another one. It’s a woman who he’s going to put on a strap on, and fuck a guy in the ass. You can choose the size of it, of course, go smaller, bigger, different colors for any fantasies that you want to fulfill.

Céline Remy 4:47
Then, of course, anal play also includes prostate massage, which can be done manually, or with special massagers as well.  There’s also all the realms of toys when it comes to annual beads. And yeah, dildos of any shapes.

Kevin Anthony 5:04
So you see, there are many options.

Céline Remy 5:09
Which one did you do Dave?

Dave Booda 5:12
I’ve done a few of those. You know? Yeah, I was also read. I love this. There’s a guy named Charlie Glickman, who’s a friend of mine, and I recommend his book a lot to people who want to go deeper into this. I’m going to make a lot of puns.

Kevin Anthony 5:28
So they’re all intended.

Dave Booda 5:31
But, but yeah, I know, for me, it’s, I’m actually more excited by the exploration, and the self-awareness and the other things that come with exploring your body in that way, then I, then I am the pleasure in it. The pleasure is great. I personally, well, when I was with Paula in a long term relationship, like we would do that a little more.

Now that I’m single and sleeping with lots of people, but not like, super consistently, I don’t play. I don’t play with my prostate as much, you know, and it’s not. So it’s more just like, I really, like, here’s a good example. And this was in the article.

Dave Booda 6:13
But you know, I feel like, what probably the biggest thing that has helped me it’s made me a better lover, because straight men and some gay men, because not every gay man does anal sex with gay men who just, you know, don’t want that. And that’s fine. But, you know, for me, it’s like, understanding what it’s like to be penetrated is a whole different experience than being a penetrator. And so working with that helped me understand people’s needs around what they need before penetration happens in a way that didn’t just see it theoretical. I’m not just like, looking at my watch be like, okay, yeah, well, just let me know when you’re ready.

Dave Booda 6:59
I kind of get that there’s, you know, and then I also got that the same movement, the same thing could be painful, or it could feel great. Or anything in between. And that is not an experience, no man, at least from what I understand, or maybe that doesn’t have like, actual problems that need to see a doctor about has ever penetrated something with his penis and been like, in like, actually, it hurt. That’s not it’s just either like, feels great. Or like, man, you know. And it’s funny because I saw this, I saw this on a fridge, it was a little fridge magnet once and it said, sex is like pizza, even when it’s not so great. It’s great or something like that.

Dave Booda 7:41
I was like, that’s a man thought that like, that’s classic, you know? So to get that, that there is this other world, I just feel like it’s made me such a better lover. That’s something I really care about. And my own pleasure too.

Kevin Anthony 7:58
So this is a great segway, because then next thing that we wanted to talk about was, you know, okay, so now people understand what are the different ways that they could potentially have a no play or anal sex? But some people probably think, Well, why would I want to do that? So in your article, you gave five reasons you just covered one of them, which is it makes you a better lover because it taught you what the other person that you’re normally penetrating is experiencing.

Kevin Anthony 8:22
And so then you learn, oh, okay, they need this, or they need that. And it made you more receptive to what the other half of the sexual encounter may be feeling.

Céline Remy 8:31
Hey, so I’m curious. Now, Kevin, how about you? What did that teach you? On this spotlight? How was it the first time you got some anal play?

Kevin Anthony 8:43
It was great. It was fun. I’ve experimented different ways over the years with it. It’s not my go-to thing. Like it’s kind of like every once in a while. might be fun. We do monthly maintenance where you process Well, yeah. So you did you do prostate massage? Yeah. Which, which is good. But that’s my when you do that.

Kevin Anthony 9:00
It’s usually it’s, there’s pleasure involved, not to say that it’s not pleasurable, but the goal of it isn’t specifically pleasure. So it’s slightly different than like, okay, we’re going to have sex now. And that’s like, oh, let’s do some sort of anal play where the goal is very specifically pleasure. But yeah, I think it’s great.

Dave Booda 9:19
I mean, I did start the article with some stats, some really staggering stats on prostate cancer, you know, and there are a million reasons to do this. I mean, not, you know, but this, this was really an experience that I had with my dad, where it felt like every year, he would tell me about a friend of his that was getting prostate cancer, and my dad is in his late 60s.

You probably have parents about the same age and it like, even without looking up stats, it was that some anecdotal evidence to be like, hmm, like, older men are getting prostate cancer. Then you hear about, okay, because, you know, doctors are screening for it, and it’s a serious thing. And it’s, you know, certainly terrible, most people that get prostate cancer not dying from it.

Dave Booda 10:03
But that’s something you’d like to avoid, you know, cancer. Absolutely. And, and it’s, you know, it’s, it’s a bit off, it’s a bit holistic, and there hasn’t been, you know, a lot of medical tests. So this is not, there’s no, you know, this is not me giving medical advice or saying anything that I would back up with science. But, you know, in my experience, like, the first time I did that, I felt something.

I felt a release, I felt something shift, and I just got to feel like, there it is.  And again, I’m not super, woo-woo, you know, but we hold emotions in certain parts of our bodies. Whatever, you don’t have to believe that, I don’t care. But it’s like, giving love to that part of your body cannot be a bad thing.

Kevin Anthony 10:44
So and this is something this is a place where you’re actually more of an expert because you’ve studied this quite a bit. And it is something that you do with clients. And so you could speak much better to the actual benefits, as far as, you know, prostate cancer and that sort of thing.

Céline Remy 11:00
Yeah, I mean, I would have to second Dave on that, that there’s no like super backed up science about it. However, you know, at this point, I’ve have given over 1000 prostate massages. So I’ve seen it all and I’ve worked with a lot of people that experienced prostate pain. And then just by doing a regular massage, they were able to get off their pain medication, where it helped with the swelling where it’s it reduced it, so we definitely see benefits.

Céline Remy 11:32
The other thing too, exactly like what Dave was mentioning, is really that so what’s interesting is I’m a woman and I’m, I’m doing this on a man and so I’m becoming the penetrator and the men receiving is one who gets to experience that other side and it’s definitely a really wonderful dynamic that can happen and it’s very healing it’s healing for the women to be able to be in that place of power. I’m putting air quotes for that position.

Dave Booda 12:03
And the responsibility of that.

Céline Remy 12:03
Yes, yes, absolutely. And then also it’s healing for the guy who gets to open up and receive and I think like in order to heal between the masculine and feminine the women needs to be very honoring of the men because she knows what it’s like to be penetrated without being asked go going too fast so she can teach the guy by how she’s doing this or approaching anal play. So yeah,

Kevin Anthony 12:29
So our sort of number one of five reasons is it makes you a better lover and so what you’re saying is it doesn’t just make the man and better lover because he’s learning how to receive it’s actually making the woman a better lover also because she’s learning how to give and the responsibility that

Dave Booda 12:42
Whether she’s using fingers or anything else.

Céline Remy 12:46
The first time I use this drop on that’s so much more compassion for guys. Man was it hard to find the hole.

Dave Booda 12:54
It’s a lot of work too, it’s tiring.

Céline Remy 12:56
Oh my god, my arms, my abs. I was like, how do they do that for hours? High five guys!

Kevin Anthony 13:04
Hold yourself up for so long. Push up. position. So okay, so we have become a better lover helps prevent prostate cancer. Another one on the list is it’s actually known as the male G spot.

Dave Booda 13:20
Yeah, I mean, and I checked that out with Charlie Glickman before I wrote it, I said, you know, is, is making a real, like, a direct correlation to that, is that, is that accurate? And he said, Yeah, it is. And I noticed too, that, you know, most men who would identify being good at sex or interested in that have probably explored the variations of female orgasm that we’ve identified.

I think it kind of gets nerdy and weird, but like, you know, people will say, okay, there’s a clitoral orgasm there’s a G spot orgasm. Some people say there’s a cervical orgasm some people’s in is a million different kinds of organs and whatever. But one is like men understand that you women could have a G spot orgasm, versus a clitoral orgasm or both. And that there are differences and men are obsessed about that, I gave my girlfriend a squirting G spot orgasm. Yeah, I’m awesome.

Dave Booda 14:13
We get so into that, you know. And so I think, like for that guy to understand that he has the same machinery in his body. And if it would be worth it for his girlfriend or whoever to explore the G spot orgasm. For the same reasons, he would want to explore his own prostate because it really it operates. And again, that’s also really cool.

What if you’re a man and you want to be good at giving women G spot orgasms.  Air quotes, because again, I don’t think these, I think that that goal is not always a great goal. Some guys take it and you know, but it’s like, you could understand your G spot and under stemming it from the inside, like understanding how that all works, you know, the amount like, like, when it’s such a, it’s such a hit or miss thing.

Dave Booda 15:08
And, and also understanding the similarities between the penis and the clitoris to right like and actually biologically and I’m not going to be totally accurate here because I’m not a scientist, but you know, biologically that is like the same tissues, the same mucous membrane, same different stuff.

Kevin Anthony 15:23
Based on the hormones, one develops into a clitoris and one develops into a penis.

Dave Booda 15:26
It’s literally the same thing. And, and also, and again, I’m maybe a little outside my league here, but when trans folks are doing bottom surgeries, they use the same tissues like you can do that. And so, you know, and also that what that opens up to is understand that women can also operate sexually like men too. It’s not just that they are okay, I need to take an hour to warm up like to they also have a way, a way of experiencing a more kind of quick and dirty sex to which is something that maybe traditionally we just said women are certainly met a certain way.

Dave Booda 16:01
And it’s like, well, we’re actually both really varied in ways that are kind of more exciting. And you can experience that all in yourself. You don’t need you know, like we can we have all those experiences and when we go through them, where that’s the ultimate experience not reading about them in a book or hearing about them from people.

Céline Remy 16:22
Absolutely. Serving I want to address one of the biggest fears we talking about this.

Kevin Anthony 16:27
I’m gonna go for that one. Yeah, I’m gonna save it for the number five, but go for it.

Céline Remy 16:32
Every time I introduce prostate massage to a man of my clients, I think the biggest concern maybe after the hygiene or is that dirty your book is does that make me gay?

Kevin Anthony 16:44
Oh, there’s the elephant in the corner. That doesn’t make me gay.

Céline Remy 16:49
And it’s like no, it doesn’t make you gay. That’s your life you girlfriend to do annual stuff to you or even you know or yourself, you know? And just blacking in or just makes you somebody who likes.

Dave Booda 17:00
Exactly. I use the analogy in the thing I said liking frisbee doesn’t make you a dog.

Dave Booda 17:10
That’s not how that works.

Dave Booda 17:14
Like Yes, dogs, like frisbees. And again, not all gay men like anal sex either. Like, you know, that’s something that most straight men don’t understand. But that’s Yeah, and there’s not like a button. And here’s the other thing, if for whatever reason, that experience has, you want to sleep with men more? Good. Like, I mean, again, that’s not how that works. But at the same time, like if, for whatever reason, you become open to other people sexually.

Dave Booda 17:48
Yeah, sure. It’s just there’s culture and homophobia and shame and everything. But like, that’s also kind of cool. Now you can sleep with more people you like, more exciting sex life? Like that’s not a bad thing.

Kevin Anthony 17:58
You know, that’s true. And you hit on number five on the list to which is it makes sex more interesting. gives you more options.

Céline Remy 18:05
It really does.

Kevin Anthony 18:06
And potentially more people.

Céline Remy 18:12
Within your agreements, people remember that.

Dave Booda 18:15
Yeah, I find that, you know, for many years, I felt like a band with a one-hit-wonder, you know, I was doing the Usher guy, you know, that’s was sex. It was like All right, here we go. I do the Usher thing and I get all sorts of credit and Yay, look at me, I’m great. That just got really old after a while, as I could still do that. But what’s really exciting is to actually have more dynamic like given take back and forth, you know, all that kind of stuff and the ability to receive penetration really add so many flavors to that, you know, totally so I’ve had a lot of I’ve actually convert.

Dave Booda 18:56
I’ve converted a handful of guys that I know of who like that I like emailed me and said like oh my wife and I do this now it’s so cool. Like it’s really fun because that article has gone viral a few times and then also as Google picks it up because anytime anybody searches for like ass fucking it shows up.

Céline Remy 19:15
It’s on Dave’s Dave’s side and it’s five awesome fucking reasons a straight man should take it up the ass. So you can find it that will put the link in the comments in the show notes.

Kevin Anthony 19:24
Okay, so you know, that’s some of the basics about it, the different types why you might want to do it, you know, some cool resistance stuff. But what’s going to make this episode really fucking awesome is probing you with some deep questions about your own personal experience with

Céline Remy 19:46
Yes. When was the first time you had an old play? And what type of play was that?

Dave Booda 19:55
Well, it was a dark and stormy night… [laughs]

Céline Remy 19:58
Oh, I love th sound of that already, Give it to me.

Dave Booda 20:00
The first time I played with that was with the girlfriend like eight, nine years ago. And she was playing with a double-sided dildo. She said, Hey, do you want to try this? And we actually, we didn’t have like, the kind of sex education I had now. Like, it was great and fun. But like we didn’t, we’re kind of just like, hey, let’s try this. And I was like, Okay. And I remember like, the experience of it, there was like a taboo Enos to it. There was a transgressive Enos to it, that ended up being a real turn on for me, but it didn’t feel like a lot of pleasure in that part of my body. Like, it wasn’t like I was, I didn’t get that.

Dave Booda 20:38
And there was also at the time, she wasn’t also stimulating my cocktail, which is also a really nice way to, as you know, to balance out and, and that’s also you know, that that so my experience now is if I’m wanting to, like reach a big orgasm, and do G spot orgasm with that, you know, by combining cock stimulation and prostate stimulation, it does this cool thing where it almost kind of like, kind of scrambles your brain a little bit because it’s a mix of pain and pleasure.

Dave Booda 21:09
But then there’s like this, like constant like breaking through to more pleasure and like more and you can like, it’s like you’re breaking through to deeper parts of yourself. And those parts. Sometimes it’s pleasure, sometimes there’s like, emotions, sometimes there’s sadness, and there’s like, it’s like, you never know where you’re going with that. That’s really cool.

Céline Remy 21:27
It’s just like me, right? Right. When we being penetrated. It’s like sometimes it’s anger or sadness, or there’s pain. You’re like, why does it hurt right now when it was okay, five minutes ago,

Dave Booda 21:37
Right. And that’s if men are all if men, the only experience men have is being the penetrator. Like that just seems like that shit crazy to us. Because we’re like, what, that’s nothing like our experience. But to actually go through an experience of that, like my, you know, my top 10 orgasms have all been including, you know, prostate play for some reason. It’s just because it’s a, it’s like this really rich, deeper experience.

Dave Booda 22:03
You know, I use the analogy in the article. A regular cock orgasm is like a Ferrari.  It’s like standing on the side of the road, and Ferrari whizzes by.  You know, 80 miles an hour, wow, alright, that was.

And then the other one is like a Mack truck like comes. You’re like, whoa, it’s, it’s just crazy, you know? So my first experience was double-sided, a little bit like eight, nine years ago. Then I actually got, like, a four-part series of prostate massage from a friend of ours, that does that. That was I was at a men’s group at the time. They sort of recommended it based on what you’re talking about. And I was, like, sure, I’ll go check it out.

Dave Booda 22:47
I did that, and that was beautiful. She did a really nice job of, like, easing into it, and, and all that. And so and then after that, I was with a partner for four years, and we would explore that and, and then since then, different people and it’s been great. So the pegging for me, like, I’m not someone who can I just don’t have like, a ton of I don’t have the experience but like, I mean, some guys can just get like pounded by like women with pillows, or men with guns or whatever. Like I’m, I’m, that’s my experiences pretty gentle.

Dave Booda 23:24
Like, not on not like a pro in that way. In fact, our friend Reid I’ve seen him at I play parties, one of the things he’ll say to women that are about to pick him because he’s just a nerdy, great guy like this, he is a dog. So if you end up picking other guys know that I can take a lot and don’t like, Don’t go, don’t go crazy like this on them, right? Because it can totally, that’s one of the things one of the pitfalls is like, Oh, here we go. Like, I can just fuck you as you fuck me like, wow, I don’t know about that.

Kevin Anthony 23:53
So I remember the first time that I had any, you know, play, which was I was having sex with my girlfriend at the time. And she just reached around and like, kind of stuck her finger a little bit in my ass. And I remember she didn’t ask her anything. She just tried to remember like, Oh, that’s unexpected, but

Céline Remy 24:09
it’s kind of cool. All right, I’ll go with it.

Kevin Anthony 24:12
But in my particular case, I was probably about 818 or 19, I would say, okay, so it’s been a while.

Céline Remy 24:23
25 years.

Kevin Anthony 24:29
Actually, if it was 18, a little bit longer than that, but

Céline Remy 24:32
try to make you look younger,

Kevin Anthony 24:34
A couple of years. But so the reason I was kind of saying that is because like I didn’t necessarily make a conscious choice at that moment, to choose, hey, let’s go ahead and do that. So what I was curious about is with, you know, like, What inspired you? Did you make a conscious choice like, Hey, I did something I want to explain, or is it just something that sort of happened?

Dave Booda 24:56
Yeah, I don’t know. I mean, initially, yeah, there was just a girlfriend idea. She’s like, let’s do this. And I was like, Okay. And then the other one was that men’s group recommendation, I did the kind of series. I think it was hearing, you know, actually, I remember this one, this was like, around the time, that first experience happened like we were hanging out in like Mission Beach.

There was one guy that just talking about how much he loved anal beads. He just seemed like a normal dude. And he was so confident in it. That’s kind of what I’m trying to bring in a sense to him. That’s the gift I’m trying to give them. Like, he was just,  it’s just awesome. Like, why would I not want to do that?

Dave Booda 25:35
Fuck Yeah. Like, any, you know, again, it wasn’t it was just like, I was like, Ah, well, I’m missing. Like, I’m really missing out on something like, that’s the thing that I feel like, really got me it was like, hmm, like, I’m missing out on something. And what’s in my way is fear. Mm-hmm. So that’s usually a recipe for I should do it. Let’s see what it is. So maybe I could say, Well, listen, I’m not and I asked anymore, even though it’s not my gym, or whatever.

Céline Remy 26:03
Right? Right. So now I’m curious. So okay, we heard about your first experiences, and it was kind of more like her choice. Now, you figured out that, hey, this is something I kind of enjoy and like, and then you’ve been having ever partners. So for all our listeners and men here that are wondering how the heck do I tell my girlfriend or my wife, my partner like that? I want to try? No. How should they go around to ask for that?

Dave Booda 26:29
They could send on the article. I think that’s kind of a fun way to do it. I mean, you know,

Kevin Anthony 26:34
Print it out, leave a copy on their dresser.

Dave Booda 26:39
Yeah, I mean, that’s, that is an I mean, that’s such a great question that I’m sure you guys have talked about many times, which is how do you talk about sex? Or how do you go and talk about sex further than you’ve already talked with your partners? Right? And

Céline Remy 26:53
we want to your point of view,

Dave Booda 26:55
yeah. So like, how do I do that?

Dave Booda 26:59
I mean, it’s hard. Get with people that like, just, that’s just what we do. I don’t know, the last time I had to, like fight resistance with this. You know, I like really trying to understand what’s in it for them, you know? So I think the that’s why if you’d like somebody, let’s say they read that article, and they all like being a better lover, like understanding what’s like to be penetrated, like, Hey, honey, I was reading this article every day about prostate stuff.

Dave Booda 27:27
And this guy made this really interesting point that, like, when men get penetrated by women, they understand what it’s like to be penetrated and makes them a better lover. Like, what do you think about that? not proposing it, just like, what do you think about that? And she’s like, Oh, fuck, yeah, that’s great. Bar. She’s like, that’s super weird. I bet you’d be gay, or I don’t know, whatever. You can kind of gauge it. Right, but bring it up in terms of what she might want. You know, I think that’s like the great way to do it. And then, and then see how open people are. But I think just understanding other people’s values and trying to place it in terms of that is great. Yeah,

Céline Remy 28:04
I like that a lot. And I was thinking too as a woman, I think it would be hard if the guy just goes like, hey, I’ve always wanted to try and all I want to do that with you. Are you game?

Kevin Anthony 28:14
Just make sure if you say that to a woman, she understands that you’re actually asking for saying that you want to give her a no,

Céline Remy 28:22
not gonna get the same answer.

Kevin Anthony 28:23
clear communication, we actually have several episodes, on the podcast about how to communicate effectively.

Dave Booda 28:28
I do think it’s, I think it’s worth it’s worth saying that I mean, you, we know each other through a very sex-positive community. It’s totally normal talking about this stuff. Like we it’s, it’s, it’s almost hard to imagine for us sometimes, but the truth is, there are a lot of men out there who will bring up something like that to a woman and she will be afraid that he will turn gay, or she will be afraid that he actually is gay. And then she didn’t know. And she will get very defensive and you know, not be a good communicator and turn into a, you know, a weird person in terms of, she’ll show really, like, that’s the thing, you know, whether it’s man, it’s like saying exploring bisexuality or whatever, like anything that might threaten her security, would act.

Dave Booda 29:13
And again, it’s the correlation between those is, is not what people think it is. But at the same time, like him wanting to explore sexually, on some level, and somebody in our lizard brains sometimes triggers that, like, what else does he want to explore? Am I not enough? What blah, blah, blah, I mean, so So what’s a real thing like and I think guys do will meet resistance sometimes. I still think it’s worth it to talk about, you know, but like, it’s, it’s just good to mention that I think, like, sometimes, you know, sometimes partners can be hard to talk to. And it’s true.

Céline Remy 29:47
Some reasons so like what you said, like just saying like, hey, read the article, or share that and open a dialogue.

Dave Booda 29:52
Like other people are doing it.  Oh, my God, like this couple, like Kevin and Celine they have this podcast where they talk about sex.

Dave Booda 30:02
They seem kind of weird, but they make a good point. You should listen to this episode. And just see how they react. You know, and you can always kind of like, backpedal if their life she was like, Well, I would never in a million years. Do that. Like, cool. All right. Yeah. I mean, that’s all good. I just was curious. If you start with something a little lighter, or I don’t know. I mean, it’s, you know, you do have to work with people.

Céline Remy 30:30
And it’s not the end of the world if she says no, by the way, because you can still do it yourself with a prostate massager. So make sure you listen to our prostate episode because we talk more about how to do it on yourself as well and with your partner. So there’s still hope.

Kevin Anthony 30:45
Yes. So we’re running out of time, and we prepared way more questions than we actually have time for. But there are two more than I’d really love to squeeze in if we can. And the next one is, what is the fun nice thing that has ever happened to you during a no play?

Dave Booda 31:05
So it wasn’t my play. This is really gross.

Céline Remy 31:10
Yeah, give it to us. Come on.

Dave Booda 31:15
This is I was at a play. I was at a sex party. Our friend was receiving anal sex, a man from some women. It was so gross, honestly. There was a bunch of food around there, things like chocolate in the area. You kind of know where I’m going with this.

There was just a point where I was eating chocolate, and there was like, it was like, some on the rug. I just grabbed for something that was like a speck of something that looked like chocolate. And I realized,  I didn’t put it in my mouth. But I just like I put it near my face. And I was like, Oh, that is not

Kevin Anthony 31:52
chocolate.

Dave Booda 31:55
And I told

Dave Booda 31:57
told him later, it was funny. We laughed about it a lot. And but that was really gross. And there’s also you know, the pair that I mean, I think with anal sex is not as messy as people think that’s also another thing that you probably discussed, right? You know, it’s not, you don’t have a poop trap. Really it’s not like your poop is like hanging out in the entrance. It’s not the way it works out in your intestines.

Céline Remy 32:24
And if you have normal bowel movements every day and stuff and you have a diet with fiber, things come out, and this shouldn’t be anything. So you should just listen to your body.

Kevin Anthony 32:33
That question was inspired by a series that Celine and I have watched called Ask a porn star. Yes. And when they ask porn stars like, what’s the craziest thing that’s ever? Like 90% of the answers have to do with anal sex gone wrong. So I figured, you know, there’s probably if you do it enough, there’s probably one or two good stories in there somewhere. And that one was awesome. At least you didn’t eat it. Okay, so since we’re running out of time here. The last question I want to ask is: what is your best advice for straight guys who are considering exploring with some sort of anal play?

Dave Booda 33:16
Yeah, to try it yourself. First. I mean, I am such a believer in a more robust masturbation practice for men. It’s, again, it’s something that if a guy’s been paying attention to the world of sexuality, he’s probably seen women do more in this way. And he’s seen the benefits of that, right? He’s seen women get together and sister circles, and he’s seen them self love practices, and then going and then and they get I can do this on my own. And this is great. Like, that’s, that’s really common in women in the world of women in our world. Of course, not like, who knows in the greater world, but like, you know, mindful masturbation for men is still just something that like, no one talks about.

Dave Booda 33:58
And so, you know, yeah, like, exploring your prostate is great. Any sort of deeper masturbation practice for men is great. But, you know, you can explore when you’re in the shower, I know, just like, lay down in a tub. And like, poke around, it’s, you’re not going to traumatize yourself. Really, like, that’s the thing, like, when you’re on your own, no one has to fucking know. You don’t have to tell anybody ever. Just do whatever you want.

Know that it’s not going to feel like amazing at first, probably it might, who knows, right? Like it just, but like, explore your body. I mean, think about it, like, that’s, like, there are parts of your body you haven’t touched, like, that’s your fucking body. Like, I kind of think, you know, we should know what’s going on, we should, like, do our best to like, explore this vessel, you know, and so, you know, go for that in the privacy of your shower, lock the door if you need to whatever.

Dave Booda 34:55
And then there are also tools like you guys talked about, definitely encourage people, because there’s a lot to say on this. And really, like, if you guys did another episode on that, like, that’s great. Like, do it. There are tools that are made just for prostate play.  You go to your local adult store near you and say: “Hey, I’m looking to explore prostate play, what do you have?”.  They’ll show you some stuff.

Kevin Anthony 35:18
Or order anonymously online if you’re afraid to go to the local sex store.

Dave Booda 35:23
Kind of like TheLoveLabPodcast.com

Dave Booda 35:27
But yeah, you can, you can totally do that. Understand too that, it’s not just about the size of what you’re putting in your but it’s like the squishy penis to. If you like something hard, even if it’s small, it might feel tough. While something soft, even if it’s big, might be easier. Just explore it as much as you want on your own. That’s a great way to do that and then when you feel comfortable, bring it up to your partner. Don’t go straight into pegging with a huge dildo. They make small dildos.

Know what it’s like, I think also guys get caught up in like, Okay, well, if I’m going to do this, I have to like, it’s like, a manly way to do is like, I’m going to really get fucked and get a big deal. Don’t it’s like now like, like, she like your partner. If she’s a woman, and you’ve been having straight heteronormative sex well, like, she’s gonna have to exercise a lot more patience than she’s used to.

Dave Booda 36:29
That’s okay. If she’s down, you know, but like, understand that it also gives you the experience of what it’s like to have needs, and have to talk about them. And that’s a beautiful experience, too, because most men don’t have a lot of needs around sex, they just need is to like, let’s do this soon. And so for, you know, for a man to have to say, actually, you know, what I really need.

Just hold me there don’t even move for like, just a minute, that would be great. Or to be like, you know, actually temperatures like kind of cold. Can you turn the heat up and put a blanket on me? Can you hug me? Tell me you love me before you do this?

Like all that stuff might come out and like that working through the resistance to whatever programming you have around that whether it’s not manly, or whether blah, blah, blah, like working through that stuff? Is that See? That’s what I’m really interested in? I really, The pleasure is great.

Dave Booda 37:22
Sure people should do it. Because that like it’s that stuff? Like why wouldn’t? That’s the real juice. For me. It’s about like, it’s about really like exploring yourself and going into those places that you fear to actually get the gifts.

Céline Remy 37:33
Hmm. So well said. If you want to get more into mindful masturbation or all of that, check out our online courses at www.powerandmastery.com because we teach all of that. And then if you are inspired by Dave’s talks and want to learn more about his work, where can people find you, Dave?

Dave Booda 37:52
I write a lot of essays on a website called www.boodaism.com. That’s just there. And there’s lots of Yeah, lots of topics. I write a lot about relationships and sex, but there are all sorts of different things. So check it out. It will be in the show notes. David’s been delightful. Thank you for being our guest today. My pleasure.

Kevin Anthony 38:15
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this week. And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 38:31
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Celineremy.com. That’s c e l i n e r e m y.com. So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure. Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing.