Why Men And Women Aren’t Created Equal

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 203. And it is titled Why men and women aren’t created equal with Andre parody. Okay, this is gonna be fun, because we’ve already triggered at least half of the audience just with the title.

Kevin Anthony 0:48
So before you tune out, well, actually, you know what, maybe I shouldn’t even tell you too much about what it’s going to be about because you’ll want to stick around to debunk everything that we say in this conversation, but

Céline Remy 1:00
because we ought to be wrong.

Kevin Anthony 1:02
The reality here is that we are different. And that’s a good thing. Right? So I’ll pretty much just leave it at that for now because we’re going to dive way deeper into that.

Céline Remy 1:13
Alright, well first, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed and check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 1:28
Whether you want to have harder erections, last longer, or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com. So make sure you go check it out. Our guest today is Andre Paradis and Andres’s mission in life is to teach and empower people.

Céline Remy 1:45
Andre is a certified life coach, entrepreneur, business owner, and artist who is now focusing his professional energy on teaching singles and couples how to create and maintain successful relationships. He is committed to his mission.

Céline Remy 1:59
Something that’s really awesome about Andre is that he’s been married for over two decades, and is a proud parent of two teens. And his expertise spans not only his knowledge, studies, research, and expertise as a coach, teacher, educator, mentor, and public speaker, but also his actual life’s experience in dating, love parenting, and business.

Céline Remy 2:20
So it’s not just things he’s read about. He’s living it. So welcome all the way to the law. Bad cast.

André Paradis 2:27
Thank you. Good morning. That’s, that’s interesting to hear yourself. been talking about that way? That’s, who’s that guy? Wait, well, thank you for that.

Kevin Anthony 2:39
Okay, so we’re just gonna dive right in. And the first question we have is somewhat interesting, because it’s, it’s not directly related, and yet it is related. So, you know, we’ve mentioned this once or twice on the show that we usually do a pre-interview call with our guests.

Kevin Anthony 2:56
And we do that just so that we can see if there’s any synergy there, and figure out what we want to talk about. But we never give questions ahead of time or anything. But we do get to learn some interesting things about people. Sometimes we don’t get to have those calls. But we get to read their books.

Kevin Anthony 3:09
And we find interesting things about those people that are relevant to what we’re going to talk about. So the first question is, before we really dive into, you know, the masculine-feminine stuff, we understand that you have a background in ballroom dance. And we were curious if you could just share a little bit about that.

Kevin Anthony 3:26
Because that whole when it comes to dance ballroom specifically has this beautiful synergy between the masculine and feminine that really applies to everything that we’re going to talk about today.

André Paradis 3:39
Absolutely, that’s where I started I was a teenager when I ended up learning in class in a private high school. I was fortunate that you can do ballroom for PE. And the girl you had to sign as a couple of young girls who I didn’t think knew I was alive because it was sort of invisible.

André Paradis 3:59
Back in those days, it was the awkward guy that had one friend, you know. And she’s like, Oh, my God, I need a partner. If you want to do more with us as a couple, I’m like, Oh, I get to hold her cute little thing in my arms. That was almost 16 years old. Yeah, a no-brainer.

André Paradis 4:17
That’s how it started. And I discovered that very first class, that whatever, whatever I saw, I could copy like on the spot, which is sort of an interesting thing from a guy, a kid who knew nothing, had no confidence that you know, is invisible. All of a sudden, like this something that was gifted with no.

André Paradis 4:40
So I went from gig to star in a matter of a few months, in a class full of girls who want to dance with me because I knew how to dance quickly in a class of beginners and became the teacher’s assistant and we started performing, you know, in the school, then into college. And so that was sort of the A sideways way to like, find my mission. ballroom dancing.

Kevin Anthony 5:05
Yeah, so what, you know, you had a, I think, from what I understand a fairly long career ballroom dancing like, what were some of the things that it taught you about how to move with a woman or that what we would call basically the dance of the masculine and feminine. How did that sort of form your early views on that?

André Paradis 5:24
It’s interesting is in the world of ballroom, there is no questioning, you know, who’s in charge, who’s supporting the leadership to delete, I mean, like, the man is the lead, the lady supports this lead. But when it comes to relationships and our culture and what we believe, to be better, truer, and fairer, everybody’s in charge.

André Paradis 5:46
Everybody’s equal, everybody’s the man Well, in the world of ballroom. And possible, that’s not even something to consider, you know, when my partner for this, my wife and other woman decides to try to help my leadership, this is when I get the elbows and the face, or the need to the groin, like it doesn’t work.

André Paradis 6:06
Now, part of this is actually this thing. And the metaphors are incredible. Because my work went from this, this, I’ve been doing my whole life now and just apply the same principles to relationships, you know, and it’s not even my opinion, these like, I teach Nature and Science, and this is research and research and research and couples who succeeded do what I talk about. Period.

André Paradis 6:29
Gay, straight lesbian, by the way, it’s all the same. It’s not a gender thing. It’s an energy thing is that what you bring to the partnership is two pieces to create a partnership unbelievably simple. But our culture has decided it’s all crap. Well, there’s a problem. So my job is to undo all this and bring it back to nature.

André Paradis 6:46
But like I said, in the world of ballroom, you know, it’s yours. You can’t negotiate that and you can negotiate who’s really running the show.

André Paradis 6:56
And as again, in life, there’s a lot more flexibility than it is in the world of ballroom because they said in the world upon a moment, a question my leadership, the woman, I’m not sure wait, am I going left or right whether like, I just go do this pass this test, the woman I questioned for a second when I’m doing she stiffens up?

André Paradis 7:14
She stiffens right? Because I’m not leaving for a second or two. And that freaks her nervous system right out. That’s the same thing that happens in relationships. Women, like it or not, this is a lot of data. And these women want to be led in life by strong men who know where they’re going. Right. But what’s happening is

Céline Remy 7:36
the woman on the show,

Kevin Anthony 7:37
I can hear screams on the other end of the podcast listening devices, right.

André Paradis 7:44
But it’s factual. It’s factual. There’s data on this go research, nothing my opinion,

Céline Remy 7:49
you know, something that I find interesting about the dancing is while the man leaves because I did a lot of salsa dancing. What’s amazing is he leads but his whole goal is to make you the star and make you shine. So I mean, we both won.

Céline Remy 8:07
And that’s really, that’s the part that people forget is like, yeah, I let him lead. But he’s leading to make me look the best I can look so that all the eyes are on me, which women wouldn’t want that, right.

André Paradis 8:20
You know, I went, I did a workshop live last weekend, I bring these distinctions and dancing and actually start with dancing with my wife and fund the audience. And you know, we have a conversation as we’re dancing, I like to take a little ride.

André Paradis 8:35
You don’t mean that. I mean, with my wife for 20 plus years, almost 30 years now. And I could still make a squeal when we dance. I can still surprise her. It’s still like you’re so she has to be on your toes. But now really, she kind of lets go of being vulnerable to my leadership.

André Paradis 8:52
But I can still surprise so for her, it’s a joyride that she gets to be nothing, you know, let go of controlling anything and just be a woman and she gets to go shop and throw the hip and all that data and everybody’s looking at her, no one’s gonna be don’t give a crap about the guy.

André Paradis 9:07
No men or women nosing of the guy. And I don’t care. That’s true, but I’m making it happen. You know, so I’m leading her in this little adventure. It’s called a dance, she gets to be vulnerable and let go of anything and be the girl and shine and shine and radiate as a woman feminine big smile on her face.

André Paradis 9:26
You know, I mean, I like it, because I’m making it happen. She loves it, but she gets to let go. Beautiful. That’s a partnership.

Kevin Anthony 9:32
And we’ll get to it a little bit later in the show about the fact that you know, so we’re talking a lot about the man leaning in the woman just sort of, you know, following or receiving. And we’ll talk later on more about why that following slash receiving position is not a weak one, but I don’t want to go there just yet, because that’s a whole nother discussion.

Kevin Anthony 9:52
I guess. I got a few things I want to talk about first before we get there. The first is the kind of sort of the bit should be sort of the pink elephant in the corner of the room so to speak, especially since we titled this episode the way we titled it, we owe the audience a little bit more of an explanation.

Kevin Anthony 10:09
So the second question is yes. When we say men and women aren’t created equal, what do we mean by that? What are we talking about when we say they’re not equal? Because equal, always two people have this, this meaning of like, one is better than the other, but you can have things that are different.

Kevin Anthony 10:30
So, therefore, they’re not exactly equal, but one isn’t any better than the other. So I wanted to hear your take on what does that really mean?

André Paradis 10:38
Well, I guess, culturally sounds better. You know, equal rights equal pay equal opportunity equal, right? I’m going to that. Yes, I agree on that is fine. Of course, that makes sense. But we transfer we kind of this went too far in the, in the beliefs, beliefs, belief system and culture that men and women are equal beings.

André Paradis 11:01
That a man a good man needs to act like a woman more to be a good man, I guess more sensitive, he has to talk more, because be vulnerable, especially with vulnerability. He’s got to show his belly. Now that’s your girlfriend.

André Paradis 11:14
Gotta work as ever gonna work. And that’s the problem, right? Women judge men begin. And the funny thing is, again, much data on this and you can hate me all you want this? I’m just a messenger. But men who show a lot of vulnerability, lose complete respect from the women. Absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 11:29
Thank you. So

André Paradis 11:30
So that’s not working. Right? So and again, and the flip side is we masculinized women as a strong, independent, powerful girls,Girl badass they boss, right? Go, go that men will love that. Man does not care about your money. They care about what you do because it’s part of who you are.

André Paradis 11:50
But they’re not with you. Because you’re badass, they’re not with you because they make money. The truly masculine man is with you because of the feminine essence that you exude. And if you don’t, this is why you are left alone on the dance floor. Welcome to my life.

Kevin Anthony 12:04
I completely agree. And I know we’re all on the same page here on that. But yeah, Céline Actually, I was wondering, cuz you just chimed in? And you’re like, yeah, absolutely. On that bit that he shared with us wondering if you could maybe expand a little bit more on that?

Céline Remy 12:20
Well, we’ve talked about this in different shows. So really what I mean by I think we women believe we want this vulnerable bad man who can connect with us emotionally we think is going to be fantastic. Because kind of like the same connection we have with a girlfriend. The minute we get it, we lose attraction, we lose respect.

Céline Remy 12:41
And we don’t really understand because we thought we needed it and wanted it once we get it we’re like, well, it’s not working anymore. Like there’s something missing.

Céline Remy 12:49
And it’s not to say that a man can’t have a moment of emotionality, vulnerability, actually, a moment of vulnerability, a man who can access and be in touch with his emotion and just cry because he’s tired or laugh or anything or be mad, you know, whatever end of the spectrum that is, is, is attractive, because we are quirky, he’s a human being.

Céline Remy 13:10
But a man who is going to delve into it and analyze his emotions and wants to psychoanalyze everything and be like a girlfriend to us is not going to be attractive.

André Paradis 13:20
Now, it’s interesting, because there’s a lot of natural reasons for this, by the way, they feel people say like, I don’t know why, like, it shouldn’t be that way. Well, nature shows up again. So part of that is women want men to be vulnerable, and talkative because men by nature, the hunter doesn’t talk so much.

André Paradis 13:42
Hunting does not require talking, talking Shoo, shoo away this is the prey right. So side by side, men by men, men hunting side by side, Quietly, quietly. That’s the point. Right? We live in again, nature, instinct, cave woman, Caveman type of gathering, gathering together, bonding together, connecting together, talking together is the point.

André Paradis 14:04
And again, nature gets this gathers in the while, the more noise they make by talking, the more they shoot away from the little creature that may bite them and infect them and kill them. This nature is all over the place here. So the idea of a man being robbed vulnerable, you know, is women wanting to connect with him?

André Paradis 14:22
What’s he thinking? What’s he thinking? Is he thinking about me that how much because men don’t talk so much, or do women need the connection of the conversation? And I teach men to do this. You have to you can’t be just up in your head all the time.

André Paradis 14:34
And, you know, so she needs a certain amount of connection for it to be okay to be good, to be safe, to feel happy to feel connected to be to feel safe ultimately with you. So you got to open up a little bit, but it’s different when men spill out and live there, and then that sort of weepy vulnerable is my mother’s my mother I do with a smile, but this whole time it might There was never enough.

André Paradis 14:56
So you’re gonna go there what happens again, it’s instinct. Second Nature will tell a woman this guy is weak. And if he’s weak, he can’t protect me, he can protect me. I don’t feel safe, I don’t feel safe. creeped out, get away from him find a guy who’s solid.

André Paradis 15:12
Whether they could or not, there are just too much of women who want to connect, we might as well move on to what’s going on within us. They want a piece of our hearts, they want a piece of our soul, like a conversation, a little bit of connection.

Kevin Anthony 15:24
Not too much. Yeah, and you know, I would love I’d love to add to that as well and say, you know, there’s a tendency for men when they hear what we just said, they think, oh, that means I got to stuff it all down. I gotta, I gotta keep it all in. And that’s not what we’re saying.

Kevin Anthony 15:41
And I just want to make that clear. If you need to vent that you need to get get a therapist, get a coach, get a guy friend who’s willing to listen to you over a beer or whatever. But don’t dump all of that shit on your woman.

Kevin Anthony 15:56
Don’t do it. It’s never going to work out well for you. Even in that moment. If she gives you what you’re seeking, you feel better. She has definitely lost respect for you.

André Paradis 16:07
It just went down in value. You’re dangerous, you’re not safe. You know, she and she’s gonna question if you could actually stay solid, you’re supposed to be a rock for her to be safe. And he’s gonna question that. Oh, boy. Yeah. And

Kevin Anthony 16:19
then you run the risk of shifting into that Mother Son dynamic. That

André Paradis 16:25
happens a lot, too. Yeah. And then wonder why six, eight goes down the toilet, no money. Nobody wants to have sex with their mothers. Exactly. Child, our child. No wonder the thing that I say just to piggyback on this is that, like, I do a lot of men’s work. And this is what all that stuff is appropriate.

André Paradis 16:42
All that pain, all that digging, all that torment is is you know, so we have a phrase that says only a man can help a man with his men problems. Absolute friggin, loosely, that’s what you just said. Now, your girlfriend, not you know you none of that, not your wife. Don’t take that to her.

André Paradis 17:01
Because you get to compromise the dynamic mother-child. And it’s the kiss of death is I mean, it’s really, really quite simple. So there are ways all around this appropriate.

Céline Remy 17:12
So I’m curious about giving people maybe some examples of how trying to force equality has harmed relationships, how you’ve seen that the clients that you work with, they’ve tried this because it’s part of the culture is part of what people think they should do.

Céline Remy 17:28
Give us some concrete examples, some things you’ve noticed, so that people really understand what we’re talking about there.

André Paradis 17:36
I, my first thought was to actually there was this couple that I work with younger couple two little kids. She’s a badass, he’s soft. So she’s his mom. Straight up. And but she decided they have two children and little ones so that they’re not going anywhere.

André Paradis 17:57
She’s not going to you know what I mean? She wants to hold the family together. But she constantly is after him, you know to do things right you know, at one point they had a fight first thing in the morning I remember this very well that was the last call would have let the fight the two of them fight about this power struggle again.

André Paradis 18:17
She’s mothering him which is disrespectful so he gets passive-aggressive shuts down he gets angry. Right but he’s very passive-aggressive, which is not cute as a little kid now he treats him like one of the children so that’s all he could do. So he got mad and stormed out of the house.

André Paradis 18:33
And she chased him down the driveway and I said lady you need to stop the week the hell out she went she chased another driveway and said you go back to the houses say you know to say goodbye to your daughter who’s sitting in the chair crying.

André Paradis 18:46
It’s just no idea how you’re going to chase him down the driveway to make him act right disrespect one on one to death and you wonder why this is just a matter of the good thing and getting worse so that’s an example of what not to do.

André Paradis 19:02
There’s a way to ask for direction from a man that is respectful becoming his mother yelling at him making him is actually very popular to the follow through if you’re going to be a badass then by them you know what you have to say that you have to say it the damage is insane. So that’s one and if you want to get the example though,

Kevin Anthony 19:21
yeah, give us another I mean that one was a great example itself of exactly what we just said a few moments ago which is that you can switch into that Mother Son dynamic.

Kevin Anthony 19:30
because just you telling the story, the instant vision I got in my head was a mother chasing a little kid who just ran out the door and scolding him and telling him to get back in the house like sorry no adult tells me to get back in the house okay ever for any reason.

André Paradis 19:47
Absolutely. That’s the true masculine, by the way, you know, I mean, get this is going to we’re going to explode some brains over here you at eight here’s a bomb. No man. Real Man. masculine man. No Old Man obeys a woman, especially his woman is not supposed to obey her.

André Paradis 20:07
That’s a boy. That’s not gonna obey her command. That’s completely disrespectful. Is it another adult male, you can negotiate that with him, you can talk about it, but you don’t do it to his mother and make him anything.

André Paradis 20:22
This is where the first place that women have their fingers up their noses about this. This is not how it works. Yeah, they’re struggling with men start typically, right? They’re having no idea.

Kevin Anthony 20:32
They’re their heads exploding again, on the other side of these airwaves, because they don’t understand most likely exactly what we’re trying to say what we’re really saying here is, you don’t obey. But that doesn’t mean that you don’t do what they want.

Kevin Anthony 20:49
What it means is as two adults, you talk about it like two adults, and you come to an agreement. It also means and this is this leads to something that I still want to wait until a little bit further in the show to talk about, but a woman’s power to convince men to do what they want to do and have us think that it’s actually our idea and want to do it.

Kevin Anthony 21:13
It’s one of the most powerful things that a woman can do. So she doesn’t need to command us. All she needs to do is get us to think that that’s a really good idea that I just thought of, and I’m really happy to do it, even though it totally came from her.

André Paradis 21:28
And my world is a little bit different. Because I find that a little gamey. You know, it’s a little gamey.

Kevin Anthony 21:34
So let me guess what I’m saying but that’s how you approach it.

André Paradis 21:37
Fair enough. Nice bye to me that’s a little gave me just sort of an idea of like, making it this idea that assuming that you’re smarter is a dumbass Right? Which is everything in our culture has that right? Like, she’s brilliant. He’s a dumbass. He’s a genius without her house falling apart.

André Paradis 21:51
He’s just a bumbling idiot, right this everywhere. Now, that could be true. Sometimes they get medical rights for it. But you know, to approach every man that way doesn’t work. So I say men play for points. So men will do ladies, pretty much anything that you want, when they understand why weather provides for you.

André Paradis 22:15
And how him doing that turns him into a hero for you. This is why men do anything for you the power your feminine is not by demanding, even asking when you ask you this, this is again as getting slowed. Sorry, just asking a man for better. You know, better. Advanced, you know, attention, love sex.

André Paradis 22:41
Just to ask for more. Ladies, you notice you always get fewer likes is a douchebag because it’s disrespectful to his manhood. You becoming his mother again. So what you want is to tell him what it is that you’d like adjusted, you know, adjusted about like, what is it that you need adjustment, where you need the adjustment?

André Paradis 23:04
Why does it feel wrong, why is uncomfortable for you why whatever, it’s too much. What it will provide for you is correct, my hero, and watch him just do it. Because men net and neurotically want to be their fixers would fix everything. That’s what we do. And we want to be a hero.

André Paradis 23:24
So when you apply those two instincts against that manipulation, it’s instinct and you know, touch all on his in poor and don’t push, don’t push, pull on him, don’t poke at him, Don’t make him invite him that you know to do the correction for you. But he has to know why. And that by fixing it, it becomes the man it’s super again, instincts natural,

Céline Remy 23:49
definitely, the way of the feminine if you think about it, the masculine is all out you know, and you like really projecting this the feminine we all in and our power comes from our ability to draw into us. Exactly.

Céline Remy 24:06
And that’s, that’s a very different way of being than we’ve been taught or that society really portrays and it’s definitely something we have to learn because they are not many examples of how this can be done.

André Paradis 24:21
There aren’t there aren’t. This is a language I teach by the way like there’s a language to this respectful and this is like when women you’ve probably this they get everything from their man, again, because they’re pulling out his instinct.

André Paradis 24:31
And vice versa. By the way, do you say to the ladies, at least a man how to pull her instinct forward and guys will call me to go you know, 10 years together? You know, I come home she’s like, Oh, it’s you? Right? She’s mad at me all the time. I go, Okay, well, I’ll do she doesn’t feel safe with you anymore. I know what happened.

André Paradis 24:47
But let’s do this, this and this, and then bring again, tapping into her instinct of feeling connected being connected to her man which brings her around the right to see her compliment her to a Appreciate everything she does.

André Paradis 25:01
And we’ll also say, you know, I come home which is by the door with a glass of wine. You’re a genius and I just pulled out of instinct. Anyway. Sorry.

Kevin Anthony 25:11
No, that’s okay. You know, you used a word before that that is something that I really love because this is a word that you use a lot too, which is we want to be their hero. It’s that idea the here What guy doesn’t want to be Superman?

Kevin Anthony 25:26
I showed up and I solved the problem, cotton, the bad guy, fix the whatever, you know. And something says that all the time, you know, she’s like, Yeah, she’s like, well, one, she’ll tell me when I am her hero. And to you know, she’ll tell me that that’s really what she wants to make good

André Paradis 25:43
woman. look lovely. If your audience is watching, look how he’s looking at her. That kind of, you know, that kind of sort of enchantment and honoring of her feminine doesn’t come because he’s being disrespected. Right? They’re ignorant.

André Paradis 26:02
I mean, that that’s the magic that’s the magnetic part of them talking about I go back to you know, magnet magnetizing him towards you with the things that you need from him but not ask of him but magnetizing your request with a smile and if you would be amazing that I mean, it’s going to jump out of his show to do it.

André Paradis 26:22
But because men again men are born with heroes in their hearts. Were like little boys Why should the boys or the mothers try to be here, especially the boys you know protecting five year old is the sum is one of the check countries I’m not sure which one I forget now.

André Paradis 26:35
But at the age of six, they give the pocket knives to little boys as they’re walking with their mothers to the store because that’s his job in a case now this little doll that will nothing knife, you don’t I mean, but this is the principal, this is his job to protect mom, or and the girls and his sisters.

André Paradis 26:50
Like that’s at five years old. That’s when they start. Well, that makes a good man, you know, is that toxic? Is that dangerous? We’re not teaching him to kill. We’re teaching them to tap into the essence and their instinct to be heroes and protectors.

Céline Remy 27:03
Yeah, sure. So I want to shift a little bit the conversation here. Because there was something very interesting that you had mentioned in our pre-interview about the differences between men and women when it comes to self-doubt, and how that influences how they show up and what they need from each other.

Céline Remy 27:22
Because I can hear like we’ve been giving them a lot of great tools or new ways of thinking, you know, I call this the irresistible woman you know, and it’s like that magnetizing we talked about the showing up the hero the protector that confidence but what if you have these self nagging doubts? How do they show up? And how different are they both for men and women? Well, it’s a big conversation

André Paradis 27:48
it’s a profound one to go into and it takes a little time but I’m trying I’m going to try to see if I could give you a sense of it because I can give it to you in a few minutes but it’s the basis of most of my work because we both as men and women have an innate to the core we call the self doubt the question mark on our hearts in our own very being that is so completely separate and different that it’s about not equal at all.

André Paradis 28:16
It’s just two different completely different sets of questions that haunt us every day that never go away you know until you’re much much much older in the 50s ish in depending on life whatever so a woman’s self-doubt and I’d actually discovered this during the work.

André Paradis 28:38
I’ve never read this anywhere it came to oh my god this is what it is it is you know some people say was like the questioning of our heart no self-doubt is what it is it’s self-doubt so when self doubt the ability.

André Paradis 28:52
If you agree on every little girl every woman walking around you know and depending on their stage of development and or marriage situation and even then by walks around with Am I really lovable Am I lovable can get somebody love me can unconditionally me this woman with all my flaws because you are aware of.

André Paradis 29:14
all your flaws we see none of them we see you’re not we’re not wired for that you see all your flaws if asked What’s wrong with you? So they invite you do I see a beautiful, beautiful young girl. But you see all right so can I animate this part of your question mark right your self-doubt it might be can you get somebody really truly love me for who I am on the inside and all my flaws?

André Paradis 29:39
And what happened is because that’s a question mark that you are never without. The moment he says, you know, Hey babe, I’ll call you at three o’clock to find out what we do for dinner and he doesn’t. There’s an injury in the heart, does it? Call it to flick that nerve that all of a sudden he forgot about you?

André Paradis 29:59
So you’re not Important or he doesn’t love you or respect you obviously because you will remember there’s a girl who says something you should remember six months from now that she said on Tuesday at 3.12 pm that I mean like you have that brain for detail.

André Paradis 30:11
so for you, it’s unthinkable and it means something so we constantly hurt your feelings and constantly as won’t get your that tripwire gets flicked that don’t get flicked with the little things that were careless about, you know, that isn’t really meant to send the signal but you constantly we constantly hurt your feelings.

André Paradis 30:34
But we don’t mean to, but it comes from that. Am I really lovable? Oh, there it is. I’m not, you know, forget my birthday. Forget the car. Forget that. Forget to call me to forget, you know, also wait, there have been 40 minutes usually calls me by now. It’s been 40 minutes. So easy as you think about the girl he’s with other girls. Is he talking? And yourself out?

André Paradis 30:53
Or have you like, to imagine the worst-case scenario, the worse. And by the time he comes home an hour late, you know, talking to him, you furious, and he has no idea why. And all it was is you got a flat tire. It’s up at the store to get some food and you end up talking to Joe they hadn’t seen in six years. And that a conversation and you know, keep in touch.

André Paradis 31:13
You made a whole different story. Out of like that self-doubt at the moment, you know, if especially if there’s something a little tension between you in the first place, right, he left the house and a half a little bit. He comes home an hour late. That’s it seven an affair guarantee.

André Paradis 31:29
So thanks for your self-doubt, constantly. You are never without it. You are never without it, and we trigger it. And the world changes constantly. Because it’s such a gain, it’s instinctual. It’s a survival mechanism. So you don’t get caught. So you don’t get con. Right. So it’s super, super overly calibrated. Which makes it’ll make you imagine all kinds of shit that is not real.

Kevin Anthony 31:59
And what about, what about on the men’s side? How high? Do

André Paradis 32:02
Do you get to go there? So let’s see, let’s see if you could guess because men don’t even know it either. So women don’t know that self-doubt is that? Am I really lovable with all my flaws? Can somebody really love me unconditionally, unconditionally? Really, because even if you’re there for 15 years, she still questions it.

André Paradis 32:20
Every day, somehow, a little bit. Twice a week, big guarantee. My wife, my wife, like we’re together, they can be 30 years at a couple of years. Right? We have an argument. And I’m like, you know, we need to chill out. I’m just gonna go for a drive. The door goes clicks, she falls apart. She’s gonna Vince. I’m not gonna back that I’m finally had enough of her shit. And I’m just gonna go, I’m never coming back. I’m like

Kevin Anthony 32:49
why would I do that?

André Paradis 32:52
Exactly where the hell? Like it’s so on? You know, on it’s so over the top. You know, overreacting. But that’s again, that’s that that breaking question mark. So can you guess with a man’s self though?

Kevin Anthony 33:07
What is the man’s self-doubt?

André Paradis 33:10
Nobody knows. And that’s the problem because it’s not like ours is exactly there’s a whole different beast.

Kevin Anthony 33:20
Maybe I’m not good enough. Stuff, boats.

Céline Remy 33:23
That’s what I was thinking.

André Paradis 33:27
Because again, in nature, we have to bite, hunt, kill, provide, protect, give, and then also cherish our loved ones right after all the hunting, there’s still a softness that we have to show up with, which is the appropriate mascot and kindness or we talked about like being like, more sensitive, not completely beasty you don’t I mean, but.

André Paradis 33:54
So all these require a lot of effort with to be provided protector to be capable. So the man’s self-doubt is, I want to be big, I want to be amazing. I want to be a good businessman. I want to provide for my family, I want to be a good husband, a good father, I want to be a good son, I want to be a good parent, I want to be a good employee, I want a good boss if you’re gonna go there.

André Paradis 34:21
I want to be relevant in the world. Right? I want all these huge things. This is also why superheroes are fantastically changing for young men because this is instinct again, we want to be relevant and big and good. And being able to compete with a man who has liquidated like me here in our status is important.

André Paradis 34:42
And all the stuff that we have to go conquer. So at the core, and I’m dragging this out on purpose. The core of immense self-doubt is really am I capable. I want to be big. I want to be amazing. I want to be all these things. But I have no frickin idea what I’m doing here and I hope nobody figures it out.

André Paradis 35:03
So we’ve read this whole front that whole the whole imposter syndrome from some that and that never goes away so when a woman says to you, especially your woman, he really so am I capable can really do this Can I really compete?

André Paradis 35:17
Do I really have the Mojo confidence so I don’t know I don’t know and men have to go in do life and conquer the self out at the moment the girl said Are you ready here we go this is how you pick the man up this respect them and you lose him the same way that we lose you and we hurt your feelings ladies here we go you ready so what we think it it’s funny but it hurts?

Kevin Anthony 35:44
Questions or judgment

André Paradis 35:45
questions everything about you what would imply is what are you thinking them as?

Kevin Anthony 35:50
It definitely means dumbass after right yes but yeah which

André Paradis 35:55
means she doesn’t believe in me that he is capable she didn’t think he thought it through my other favorite Do you think that was going to work or break when in this phase is you because you flicking that? Am I capable nerve so when his woman has the most power like you know Céline here has the most power on destroying you by saying.

André Paradis 36:19
Did you think that was gonna work? was it ever a good idea? Did you think this through what were you thinking? Like oh my god like who does that? Right, and you’re on the floor and you know is stopped breathing? You stop talking you get disconnected literally because your woman now thinks you are incapable she can’t she obviously then trusts you.

André Paradis 36:42
You guys say you can’t think of anything obviously you haven’t thought it through your plan fail is gonna he dies he gets crushed crushes if the word menu is crushed, and then you’ll see get this ladies you’ll see a disrespected him because that’s ultimate disrespect is hard is being you’ll see that the Yeti this is for this the first sign is disrespected, man.

Céline Remy 37:07
Shoulders stomp No,

André Paradis 37:08
this didn’t clench, clench. He’s like did I was sitting with you at the table, bla bla bla, bla, bla, and you say something, he goes. Clench. And then you’ll feel his energy lead you it’ll disconnect from you. If you can’t leave the room, his energy will, and you go what happened? But they’ll happen.

André Paradis 37:30
And if you can, he will leave the space or drive away, they leave the house. Because you just flick that nerve that is a loser, incapable and his woman thinks is incapable. And she doubts him where he’s doubting himself every turn. This is a killer man.

Kevin Anthony 37:46
Yeah, yeah, I’m really glad that we brought that piece into the conversation because, you know, we’ve talked about, you know, polarities and masculine, feminine and all that kind of stuff a lot of times, but that’s not a piece that you generally hear from people, at least the way that you described, it is definitely different than what you usually hear in that conversation.

Kevin Anthony 38:06
And I really hope, you know, if it didn’t land 100% Just like, go back and rewind a little bit and listen to that again because it really does get at some of the core wounds that we all have that we bring into relationships. It’s important. I know.

André Paradis 38:20
I teach this to man. And it’s funny because the women will get to it when I go get on I would like all your flaws you’re aware of right it’s new. It might go Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they see like how they trailed off in places where you know you met is you make a meeting out of something that are the message receivers and the message that was sent because of it.

André Paradis 38:48
So for men, it’s the same thing. But I teach this to man the guy who’s in my favorite circle because there’s just not a thought process. It’s in there it’s just in the body on the nervous system it’s not a thought process don’t think about it that way.

André Paradis 38:59
These are the ladies and remember how many, especially the young guy I don’t have that I don’t get I don’t I just do what I do and I go okay stop stop stop. They get through and I go night Oh, maybe Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what’s interesting about this and obviously interesting a tragic is that it takes men into their 50s and women depending on their circumstances with marriage and being worthy and cared for and abandoned again type thing right?

André Paradis 39:38
But we’re never really men and women if life goes well for a while. And you get to your 50s and you go Guy Yeah, for a man you know if is, is am I capable shows a bit to a good business. You got to a house to get a family. Like these are relatively well.

André Paradis 39:55
He’s like, wow, I guess I’m kind of maybe I’m kind of capable and maybe Maybe I, yeah, maybe I’m doing pretty good. Right? 5055 60 that’s when it’s sad. But then through a divorce and bankruptcy, way back to a teenager, I’m incapable I’m a loser. I can’t do this. Ladies, the same thing with a divorce, right? Obviously, I’m not lovable.

André Paradis 40:20
Or you can get the small things if they just need to do the so little Why carry because he has no sense of that you have to teach men that the whole different copy, but it’s fascinating, but it’s huge. Because so that’s for me in my world. This is where everything comes under.

André Paradis 40:36
Not understanding her self-doubt, and understanding he have us throw shit at each other. That is, you know, MIT women will say like, you know, because men have typically pretty steady, you know, the more masculine the more steady they are.

André Paradis 40:51
But when you’re disrespecting them with a self-doubt thing, and he leaves the house and you go, the hell’s wrong with them, I was just trying to help them lead up because that’s what a woman does, well, looks like I’m just trying to help them out.

André Paradis 41:02
Just give me advice. I just like, don’t, that’s mothering, by the way, and this again. Anyway, I could go on about this. That’s, that’s helping

Kevin Anthony 41:09
the same way that we men help when we try to solve all the problems when all they want is to just be heard.

Céline Remy 41:16
No, I just want to be heard.

Kevin Anthony 41:17
Okay, we need to do a quick message from our sponsor. And then there’s one more topic I want to dive into before I wrap up this show.

Céline Remy 41:28
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Céline Remy 41:38
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Céline Remy 41:49
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Kevin Anthony 42:08
All right. So there are so many directions that we could go in and we’ve already really hit some really good ones. I just want to and this will probably take the rest of the show I really want to get back to what I said I wanted to talk about later and we kind of kept pushing it back which is really talking about you know how femininity isn’t weak, right?

Kevin Anthony 42:33
This like stereotype that being feminine is weak and what we were hoping is from your perspective, maybe if you could explain how femininity like how its power shows up in a relationship in that dynamic between men and women

André Paradis 42:49
the biggest question ever

Kevin Anthony 42:51
it’s huge I know.

André Paradis 42:53
Because it’s so counterintuitive and no culture right now likes to be feminine is weak and has no power and it’s you know, it’s doormat ish. When I speak of this often the feminist comes in with ridiculous shit like, Oh, you want us to like dumb it down and we get our asses like Marilyn Monroe.

André Paradis 43:10
That’s what you want. I’m like this is I said nothing like that. No, said no such thing not even close. And I’m misogynistic. I’m not trying to push women down and put him back in the kitchen barefoot the exact opposite. I’m a lover of women.

André Paradis 43:26
And I’m a lover of human beings and I want Am I trying to help this all everything that makes no sense anymore. Makes sense. Again, sliding back to nature. So back to dancing by the way that behind me, my wife and I are dancing.

André Paradis 43:42
Now if you think that she is weak there if you think that she’s passive there, wake the hell up you guys. Because you know, she does everything I’m doing backward in heels is a long dress is not passive. I can’t I can’t take her on this adventure.

André Paradis 44:03
I was on the dance floor and this she supports herself and her side of the frame of the dance this partnership is not a dictatorship is a partnership, right? So in our culture, and I’m deriving a little bit of the question I get back I’m sorry, I promise but just again to dismantle this crap in our culture we’ve made we believe.

André Paradis 44:23
we made everyone men and women now believe this in our culture that you know the patriarchy for millennia was always the man in front of women you know, keeping them down minimizing them trying to keep them from now, patriarchy is a man holding himself accountable responsible for the protection provision of women and children and everything they care about.

André Paradis 44:47
Animals the planet, you name it, that’s, that’s patriarchy at its core. Right, we turn to it as a bad thing. Right? So what happened is this so men in front of women familiar yeah. Hahaha. We’ll get a chance all that crap. So And now it’s not. Now it’s women in front of men at all costs.

André Paradis 45:05
Toxic Shame, shame toxic, toxic masculinity. men are pigs men are dogs, you can trust them, they’re cheaters. Well, by the way, both a cheater is the same numbers. So let’s get that. Let’s get that down. Let’s give it to that one. But anyway, so but that’s a new belief. So now it’s women in front of men.

Kevin Anthony 45:23
And the pendulum swings the other way,

André Paradis 45:25
and it doesn’t work. Is this is that the other way? Right? It’s exactly well, crap. So I’m saying it’s not men and fun. There was never that. Now women want the real ones, the good ones, not the boys, the man that holds the distinction here. It’s not men in front. And or women in front is side by side partnership.

André Paradis 45:44
That’s what men are looking for. And that’s what we’ve been looking for togetherness. What you bring and what I bring are different, but we are made to be compatible completely. You know, again, if you look at this partnership, I’m the lead. Great, I get it. But I could be bullied. I could overlead her I could hurt her in my leadership.

André Paradis 46:05
That’s toxic. Right. But I haven’t had but a good man has had the sensitivities of being able to lead without hurting, you know, to lead with a bit of heart and the sensitivities, you know, and become completely aware of his woman and go, is that okay? Is that cause too much? Am I doing okay? Right.

André Paradis 46:23
That’s what the feminine brings to the man and brings us out of our freaking beastie ways of I conquer, killed. Penetrate, yeah, right? Women, bring us down and civilize us in a lot of ways by their softness of the power, your feminine is that. Right? You bring us down from these beasties, testosterone increases that we are always too much because there’s too much too loud, too.

André Paradis 46:49
Controlling, too arrogant, too confident too, right? It’s so Bay Bay Bay Bay Bay. You know what’s amazing, man. You don’t know right? Now you scale the children. You just bring it down? Right? Well, I’ll just say, I don’t know. I don’t know if that’s just a little bit like, you know, like, you’re just making a bit uncomfortable. Oh.

André Paradis 47:12
Does that mean Excel? Do women have that power to like, sort of bring us a little closer to the ground? I want to say like more, you know, into our hearts. Women take us out of our heads into our hearts. Where you like us the most by the way. We need you for that. We need you for that.

André Paradis 47:27
Right and man what do you do men provided protect women men are your walk if the real man good man, which allows a woman to relax. Feel safe. He’s got it. The most fantastic word for a woman to hear is Babe, I got it. Don’t worry about it. I got it.

André Paradis 47:44
He’s got to not have to take everything on because she’s already got too much taken on from the work to the children to the house. All of that is just too much. I got a baby. Not only have I got it, right. So that’s so again, we’re made to be complimentary. We’re not made to be competing.

André Paradis 48:04
So when you make women compete with men, it goes to shit. When you men make men too soft. Right? feminine women. There’s no juice, there’s nothing happening. It’s still the polarity. That’s important. Yeah. Now, let me just say,

Kevin Anthony 48:19
That’s right. I just I totally agree with what you’re saying. And then if you were listening on a podcast platform, and not looking at the video when he’s talking about that complementary and how they come together, he’s holding his hands up with his fingers spread apart and showing how the two come together perfectly.

Kevin Anthony 48:36
And it’s a really nice little analogy because we started this episode off by saying men and women are not created equal. And you know, we did that to be a little bit provocative, obviously. But the reality is, that we are different. But that’s a good thing. And we should embrace those differences.

Kevin Anthony 48:54
And those differences actually come together and support each other, which is the whole point. And that’s why the dancing is such a beautiful metaphor because it’s showing that you bring those two together and that they work together one isn’t better than the other higher than the other this or that. They’re different, but they work together.

André Paradis 49:14
They’re designed to come together. Yes, designed to fit together. So sorry, I wouldn’t go ahead.

Céline Remy 49:20
It’s okay. I was just wanting to add that you were talking about the role of the feminine to help men to get out of their heads and into their hearts. And how the men provide provides the safety. But you know, when men provide safety, what does it do?

Céline Remy 49:37
We relax our autonomic nervous system and we drop into our hearts. So basically, we are both helping each other to be more heart-centered beings and I think create more coherence, you know, and if the world had more loving people truly in their hearts, the world will look very different.

André Paradis 49:55
Preach. That’s what I teach all day long. So it’s like back to work, work. Well, this one is what works better this way, what truly makes people happy? Yeah, there I mean, so one thing I’d say about equality is that this the way but it’s for people who didn’t see me mitogen my count, this is a good visual that everybody can relate to, is what I say. Whereas equals A genitals.

Kevin Anthony 50:19
Right, because there were major DNA data gathered.

André Paradis 50:23
And everything about it. Everything about men and women is made that way. You know, like, they were complimentary, we help equalize each other, masculine and feminine. The dance that is fantastic is against two entities coming together to create a new, more balanced, more fulfilling entity called a relationship. The partnership is absolutely freaking fantastic.

Kevin Anthony 50:47
And I hope you all just had a perfect visual of a penis going into a vagina.

André Paradis 50:54
I can’t do it any better. I mean, that’s an ultimate couple of minutes complimentary, you know, system,

Céline Remy 51:00
which, which would lead us to our last question, which is my favorite. We want to know what is your best sexual talents?

André Paradis 51:10
My best sexual talent? Yeah. Oh, I’ve never heard that question before. Yes. You know, French, so I have to go to the file here.

Kevin Anthony 51:27
Apparently, there are many to choose from.

André Paradis 51:30
That’s a hell of a question for Frenchmen.

Kevin Anthony 51:35
This is when I wish we had the Jeopardy music dance.

André Paradis 51:38
I know. Right. So I mean, this is too many. But I think for me, it’s my ability to sort of connect with her at that moment. You know, that would what she needs in a moment. Sometimes it’s more tenderness. Sometimes it’s crazier.

André Paradis 51:58
Sometimes it’s, you know, off the cuff and animalistic, sometimes it’s long, soft and dragging, and, you know, sort of extending and extending and extending. It comes from both my desires, but it’s there’s a coming together like the two again, coming together into this sort of melange of us together and sort of, I don’t know, explain that any better. Does that make sense?

Kevin Anthony 52:25
Yeah. And I am not at all surprised by your answer, because what you basically just described was the same thing that makes you a good ballroom dancer. Literally, that ability to both lead and pay attention to what she needs at that moment.

André Paradis 52:40
That’s funny never thought of it that way. We truly embed it in the realm of sexuality,

Céline Remy 52:47
which could be summed up as being present. Yeah. Paying attention.

André Paradis 52:52
I think that’s it. I think that’s it, right? Like, Well, I never actually these words, I’ve never had to like, think about this. And so thank you, you just sort of now I have words for it.

Céline Remy 53:03
Although this has been a fantastic conversation, tell our listeners where they can find more about you and how they can connect with you.

André Paradis 53:10
Yeah, actually, I also have a present for your listeners if you’d like oh, yes, please, a little gift, a little gift. So like, you understand this. So a lot of people this is very outrageous I just said what we talked about, and that is solely but because we were gentle back, I can be outrageous and stuff.

André Paradis 53:25
When I lean in, if I’m talking to a guy, you know, a man on the podcast, who does stuff that Anyway, the thing is even if it’s a foreign way of thinking it’s a different way of approaching this whole dynamic of the relationship and Western culture.

André Paradis 53:44
I find that it resonates for most people, there’s something about it that resonates as true never thought of it that way different than we were taught but they give resonates. You know, not for everybody, but for a lot. These are all my clients.

André Paradis 53:59
So if anybody resonated with what I’m saying I said and they’re curious about digging it in a little bit more because people come to me because people come in because their relationships or their lives are working. So they’re stuck in that loop.

André Paradis 54:14
I call it this loop of you know, bad relationships or bad life decisions, right men get stuck into they’re not able to conquer themselves or conquer life. So if you find yourself in a loop, I’m offering a complimentary call this exploratory call day that I gift you listeners who have the courage to call me, and if you go to WWE dot, Andre coaching.com

André Paradis 54:40
We’ll throw you into a landing page with my calendar and book in our VIP our men or women, and we’ll discover what’s not working for you. My favorite thing to do in part of the work is to I can’t get anybody in a healthy relationship until you unload your baggage. So we go find out what your baggage is.

André Paradis 55:00
Because baggage came in. But most of us nobody gets out of childhood unscathed. Between these are five and 11. We all get, you know, those formative years when we get our ass kicked by life. And we’ll make decisions about the world people, ourselves, and life. I’m not good enough, I suck. The plate in the world is a dangerous place.

André Paradis 55:22
I’m never gonna mount anything, whatever it is, there will be decisions that will people for circumstances become what drives us. And this is when we get stuck in a loop. So in that call in 15 minutes, we get to find out how what the loop came from, like this. I’m really good at it.

André Paradis 55:38
And then with our services, this is what happens. So now we’re here. We know why you’re here. Why this is difficult. Why, right? Then what’s the dream and it would discuss what the dream is, if I’m an option to help you if I can’t help you, I have resources, excuse my resources to connect you with people, we can help you possibly, but it’s a very, very, very profound, both fun and enlightening call that I just offered.

Kevin Anthony 56:09
Cool. So free one-hour call at Andre group coaching.com. So you can go there and sign up for that is there anywhere else that you would want to direct people to so

André Paradis 56:21
my website is Project equinox.net, Equinox EQ, I NOx like the equinox to lighten day it then women who are those clever project units that net out so add project equinox and Instagram, I have also a small group coaching groups talk about this thing. I have a private Facebook big group that is free.

André Paradis 56:48
But you have to apply to be let in and I teach there. So there’s a bunch of weeks to join me in my community of super-smart women and men who are trying to learn this the whole dance. And it’s so confusing nowadays, though.

Kevin Anthony 57:05
We’ll have links to all of that in the show notes. So if you’re driving or whatever, and you’re like, Hey, I didn’t write that down. Don’t worry, the links will be there.

Kevin Anthony 57:14
Go check out Andre and what he has to offer. Thank you so much, Andre, for being on the show. It was a great conversation. And there were really some great bits there that could really help people.

André Paradis 57:26
I hope so thank you, guys.

Kevin Anthony 57:29
All right, that’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 57:38
We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 57:46
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Célineremy.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 58:00
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 58:01
And remember, you’re amazing