This Is What Women Want To Know About Men

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and your relationships.

All right. Welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 314 and it is titled, this is what women want to know about men. Okay, so quite a while back when Celine was still with us all, she and I did an episode called the men’s guide to understanding women. We did an entire episode on things that are common, that men say they don’t understand about women, and we attempted to really explain, you know, what women are thinking, why they do what they do, and bring answers and shed some light on some of those parts of, you know, interacting with a woman that men think were just they just couldn’t understand. It was an enigma. So that was the focus of that episode. And generally, whenever we would do an episode where we would talk about, you know, something from the women’s side, we would then also do something from the men’s side. So if we were talking about, you know, how to go down on a woman, we’d do a how to go down on a man sort of thing. Because we like to provide information for our entire audience, not just one side of it.

However, we talked about doing a what women, you know, a women’s guide to understanding men, and we would joke with each other that it would be a 10-minute long show because men are pretty simple and they’re not too difficult to understand. Obviously, that was a joke. We were still considering doing it. It didn’t happen due to what was going on with Celine’s health and inevitably, that show just never happened. It’s been on my list to do for a while, and honestly, I just never really sat down to really think about it and write it. Today’s show isn’t exactly that, but it’s kind of that. So if you have been following me on YouTube at all, I’ve talked about this in some videos, I think I’ve even mentioned it once or twice here on the podcast, I have been working with another YouTube channel that are good friends of mine and have been for years, even before we were working together, called magnetize your man. Magnetize Your Man is a YouTube channel and also a company focused on helping women magnetize the right man into their lives.

Since I’ve been doing that work, I’ve been doing videos for their YouTube channel, and I’ve also been doing group coaching calls with women, and there’s an online membership community as well that I have been doing personal coaching through. So I have an opportunity to talk with hundreds of women, sometimes on a weekly basis about what it is they want to know. They don’t understand. They wanted more clarification on. So I went into the online community over there, and I simply posed a question to the women. I said, What is it that you would like to know about men? And they did not disappoint. They gave me a whole bunch of questions. I am going to do my best to answer as many of them as I can in this episode. This is going to be a little faster-paced than usual because there’s a lot to get to and I’m going to do my best to deliver as much value and answer every one of these questions in a way that is simple and makes sense for you all. So that’s what we’re doing today in this episode.

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Now I know that today’s show is primarily geared towards the women in the audience. As far as you know, these are questions that women have, and we’re trying to help women understand men more. Why? Why am I reading an ad for a product that’s specifically about men’s sexual performance? Because women, you know if your man is performing well or not, and if he’s not performing well, it is in your best interest to help him perform well. So you know, don’t just say here, buddy. You need this. But if you are having a conversation with the two of you about how you can improve your sex life, you might suggest that, hey, I was listening to this podcast, and, you know, I heard an ad for this program that really helps a lot of men. And you know, I thought this might be something you would be interested in. So there are ways to make that happen.

Men if you haven’t tuned out already, I suggest you stick around, because if you want to know what it is women are wondering about, then listen to this. Because this, this is, this is what women are thinking, this is what they want to know. And if you understand what it is they want to know, then you can do a better job of helping them understand you. And the better they understand you, the better they can show up for you. Okay, having said all that, let’s dive in.

Number one, what is a man’s greatest fear? Wow, we’re starting off with a big one right from the start. This is difficult to answer because it’s going to be different for different men, but if I had to answer in general, most men’s greatest fear is being unsuccessful in some way, so unsuccessful in life. In other words, you know, if a man is oriented towards having a partner, a woman, a family, that sort of thing, his greatest fear, basically, is that he’s not going to be able to provide for them, that he will be seen as a failure in some way. And so you’ll often see that when men are struggling with work, or they get laid off from their job, or they’re not making enough money, and the family is struggling, that they will go into a deep depression as a result, and that is because they really do feel like a failure when they can’t provide. So I would say, just in a nutshell, that’s probably the biggest fear that most men have, is being a failure.

Number two, when a man says, I don’t know. What is he saying? Is that he really? Is it that he really doesn’t know? Okay, this depends on what the question is that you asked him first. So if you’re asking him about what he wants from the relationship, and he’s like, I don’t know. It means one of two things. Number one, it actually means he doesn’t really know. He’s not really sure what he wants. The second thing is, that he knows what he wants, but he knows it’s not the same thing that you want, and therefore he doesn’t want to actually tell you the answer to that question. And so he says, I don’t know. You will see both of those things a lot, a lot of times, it really is that he just doesn’t know if you’re asking him how he feels about something. And he says, I don’t know that could very well also be a genuine I don’t know. A lot of men have not been taught how to really feel their feelings. And so as a woman, you are a feeling being you operate in the world from the point of view of how you feel about things. So of course, you want to know from your man how he feels about things.

However, most men don’t necessarily operate that way, and we’ve been taught to suppress our feelings. And so if you’re asking him a question about how he feels, and he says, I don’t know, it very likely could be because he genuinely doesn’t know, because he’s not in touch with the feelings, or he’s feeling something, but he doesn’t really know, like what it is, or how to explain it, and he doesn’t know how to put it into words. So when a man says, I don’t know what he means, really depends on the question that you’re asking him, it also depends on how much work he has done. So if he’s done a lot of personal work, and he knows a lot about himself and what he wants, and he says, I don’t know, then it’s probably genuine. I don’t know, if he hasn’t done a lot of work, then it could be genuine, I don’t know. It could. He just doesn’t know how to express it. And it could be he doesn’t actually want to tell you what he thinks.

Number three, what makes a man feel connected to a woman? This is a great question, and it’s actually not that easy of a question to answer, but in general, I would say a couple of things. So one, he feels connected to a woman when he feels that the woman respects him and treats him fairly and lovingly. So the reason I hesitated, I’m like, it’s not an easy question to answer, is because what immediately comes to mind is the things, the behaviors that a woman does, that actually make us feel disconnected. And so I need to wrap my head around what’s the opposite of that, right? So in other words, we often feel disconnected from a woman when she’s nagging, she’s complaining, she’s bitching, she’s criticizing, she’s doing those types of things that make us feel completely disconnected from her.

Okay, well, what’s the opposite of that? Well, when she shows up and respects us and, you know, treats us like an adult and is loving to us, kind supportive that sort of thing. So those things make us feel connected. We want to feel like our woman is on our team, right, that she’s here to support us in the relationship, just like you want to feel that he is there to support you. It’s just that the way we support each other is different. We’re not necessarily expecting you to show up and support us, necessarily in a financial way or, you know, in a container sort of way, but, we do want you to show up and like be our cheerleader, be our biggest fan, you know, appreciate us for the things that we do and the things that we bring to the relationship. And you know, I also would be negligent in answering this question if I didn’t also say we feel connected when you’re physical with us, so when you are having sex with us, when you are touching us when you are grabbing our ass, grabbing our cock, offering to give us blow jobs. You know, wanting to have sex with us.

And I know it might be a little difficult for women to necessarily understand that one because you don’t necessarily want to do those things with us unless you feel connected to us, right? So it’s a little bit opposite like women need to feel the connection first, then they can be physical with you. Whereas for men, feeling the physicality actually helps us feel connected. Another thing that doesn’t help you feel connected as well. It’s just you need another level of connection first before you want to go there. Whereas for us as men, we actually feel more connected when we have that type of really personal physical interaction. So yeah, those are some of the things that make a man feel connected to a woman.

Number four, can low testosterone in a man contribute to depression? Yes, absolutely, absolutely. I mean, we all know that testosterone is what drives masculinity like we get that. We understand that. But you know, if we go back to, you know, what’s a man’s greatest fear, which we just talked about, and the answer to that really was being a failure. You can see that, you know, low testosterone, which, of course, can contribute to depression. It can rob us of our motivation to be the creator, the leader, the provider to push to, you know, be successful in business ventures or other things, and all of that can, of course, lead to depression, so to the low testosterone can rob us of our drive to create in the world. And because we’re not creating in the world, because we’re not striving for excellence and succeeding in the world, we can then, of course, feel depressed about that, and then we don’t have the motivation to get up and change that, so it creates this sort of negative feedback loop.

So yes, low testosterone can absolutely contribute to depression in men. However, there’s absolutely no reason in today’s world that a man has to suffer from low testosterone. We have the technology to fix this. Let me just give you a couple of examples of ways to solve this problem. Number one, you’ve got to fix your diet. It. So any man that’s listening to this, or any woman, because a lot of times women, you’re in charge of the meals and the food in the house, you’ve got to fix the diet. So you got to get them on a healthy diet of whole foods, organic foods, unprocessed foods. You have to get the right balance of proteins, carbs, and fats. You’ve got to get the processed foods out of the diet, and you’ve got to get the foods that kill testosterone.

So there are things in there that actually promote estrogen, which obviously is the opposite of testosterone. So you can end up with a big imbalance as a man in your hormones if you are eating a lot of foods that are high in phytoestrogens. So those are plant-based estrogens, which will raise your overall estrogen level. There are, of course, also xenoestrogens, which are chemicals in a lot of processed foods that mimic estrogens. So you’re getting all these Xeno chemicals in there, and these phytochemicals in there, and those things are wreaking havoc with your hormone balance and increasing your estrogen level. This is a big problem. It’s been written about and talked about quite extensively for a number of years, so there’s plenty of research out there on it. That’s step one, you gotta clean up the diet. Step number two is you gotta exercise. Exercise, physical exercise, like moving your body, and using your muscles, will absolutely stimulate the production of testosterone. In addition to that, there are some supplements that are precursors to testosterone. They’re the building blocks your body needs to create testosterone. So you can take some of those supplements, they’re not necessarily going to cause dramatic spikes in testosterone, like a lot of guys think. Oh, if I just take Tongkat Ali and, you know, a couple of the others, Yohimbe and whatever my testosterone is going to go through the roof.

That’s not the case, but there are things that you can take that can help give your body the things that it needs to produce testosterone. So there’s that. And if you’re doing all of those things, of course, managing stress levels and sleeping enough, got to mention those two as well. So fix the diet exercise, preferably strength training, exercises, and sleep enough. I forgot the other one. I just said, doesn’t matter. You heard it once already. And then lastly, if all of those things have not worked. If you’ve done all of that stuff and you’re still really low in testosterone, there are bioidentical hormone replacement therapies that you can go on to boost your testosterone level. It does work as long as you’re using bioidentical testosterone most likely, and this depends on your doctor, he’ll tell you, but most likely, also done in conjunction with some bio-identical progesterone, which also drops significantly in males after 30 that combination can get you back into that zone where you need to be, and it can make a really big difference. So there’s no reason why any man has to struggle with low testosterone anymore. There’s just no need if you’re if that is an issue for you, there are plenty of ways to solve it.

Okay, number five, does a man’s sex drive last throughout his life, even into his 80s? It absolutely can. It doesn’t always, but it can. His sex drive is really going to depend a lot on his health. So you know what? These days it’s almost like once you pass 40. It depends on your health. There are so many men you know, in their 40s struggling with low libido and erectile dysfunction, and they just there’s no reason for that at that young of an age. In fact, actually, we’re even seeing young men in their 30s and 20s now with those same issues. A lot of that has to do with what I was just talking about when it comes to increasing your testosterone. So if a man maintains a healthy lifestyle throughout his life, there is no reason why he should be experiencing a loss of sex drive. I have a neighbor who’s Oh at this point, he’s got to be about 87.

Celine and I got to know him well, because we would walk every morning, and we would see him out there with his dog. And. At the time, when we first met him, he was probably about 82 I would say ish, and he would be running up this hill. Living in Southern California there are hills everywhere. Every street is a hill. And he would be running up the hill every single morning with his dog. And we got to know him. We would chat with him. He was still flying airplanes, and he was still having sex with a woman who was 20 years she was in her 60s, and he was in his 80s. And so the point I’m making here is he’s a perfect example of a guy who stayed healthy and fit, was out running every single day credit. And he’s not running fast, but he’s running up a hill every day. At age 82 he had his body, as far as you know, his weight probably was the same weight he weighed when he was in his 30s.

You know, he wasn’t like, super buff, you know. And every once in a while, you’ll see those super buff older guys. You know, they’re kind of anomalies. He wasn’t like that. You know, he did look like an older man, but his frame was thin and he was exercising, and therefore he was out there. He would tell us dirty jokes all the time. We would laugh about him. He would kind of hit on Celine, because he really, you know, he loved her. So that’s just one example, and I know you can always find one example to prove something, but I have known numerous men in their 70s and 80s, and definitely quite a few in their 60s who have absolutely raging sex drives, even though they’re older, it really has to do with their physical health. So if a man is older and doesn’t have a sex drive anymore, all of the things that I said on question number four about low testosterone are things that you should be looking into.

Don’t worry about it is not too late. Just because you haven’t taken care of yourself and you’ve lost your sex drive doesn’t mean it’s gone forever. It’s just going to take some time. Now, if you are older, if you are, you know, in your 60s, 70s or 80s, and you’ve spent a lifetime of not taking care of yourself, and you want to reverse that. I think that’s great. That’s amazing. Absolutely do it. Just do it wisely. Enroll, you know, your doctor, so that you don’t do things that could potentially be dangerous. Hire a personal trainer who can start you out, you know, slowly and kind of work you into it, give you routines that will work for you. Yeah, just get the help you need. Start little by little, there’s no reason why you can’t turn things around regardless of how old you are.

All right. Next question, when in a relationship with a woman, do men need or want the woman to initiate a call or text once in a while? This is a great question, simply because, in today’s world, you’re seeing a lot of discussion about polarity teachings, and a lot of them are very good. Some of them are not so good. But what you’ll see in some of the extreme polarity teachings is that as a woman, you’re never allowed to reach out. That’s it. You have to just be passive, and you have to wait and let him do everything because he needs to lead. I think that’s a little on the extreme side. And honestly, if, as a man I am the only one ever reaching out, I would start to question whether or not this woman is really into me. Because if she really was into me, I would expect her to initiate some texts or calls. I mean, she doesn’t have to take charge all the time and be the one driving the entire relationship, but yes, I would like her to initiate and send some texts, and, you know, call once in a while, just like you would like us as men to do the same thing.

So yeah, don’t. Don’t get too caught up in the dogmatic polarity teachings that say you can never reach out and you can’t ever text. But you know, do so from the right place. In other words, don’t do it from a place of being needy. Don’t do it from a place of being insecure. Don’t do it from a place of being in anxious attachment style. Do it because you genuinely want to talk to them and because you have something of value to share or say, All right. Number seven, how does a breakup affect a man when the woman ends the relationship? This is an interesting question. I’ve not actually heard a woman ask this one before. I don’t obviously have the. The opportunity, in this case, to ask follow-up questions about, like, what are you really getting at when you ask that question? So I can really only answer from you know what I’m reading here. I’m going to assume that what’s happening here is there.

There might be a misconception that when a woman ends the relationship, that a man doesn’t feel it as strongly as a woman does when a man ends the relationship. And what I’ll say to that is that’s not necessarily true. So how it affects a man when a woman ends a relationship, has a lot to do with how invested in the relationship he was, which is the same as you know, how attached you’ve become, how invested you are. You know, if he was really invested in the relationship and he really loved you and he thought that you were potentially the one, then it’s going to affect him pretty strongly, pretty hard. And I have seen men that just, I mean, it takes them a really long time to get over it. I had a client quite a while back. He had a very short-lived relationship with a woman, but he thought for sure that she was the one. And sometimes you get that hit, you know, and you think that she’s the one. And he really struggled, really struggled to get over that, you know. He came to me seeking support around, how can I get her back? And unfortunately, the work that we really had to do was, let’s not focus on how to get her back. Let’s focus on how you can become the best version of yourself. If you do that, she might see that and want to come back, and if not, you will be that much more attractive for future women.

But I have seen some men have a really difficult time getting over relationships when a woman ends it, so don’t assume that he’s not affected by it and that it doesn’t hurt, because he probably is, and it does. The real difference here is in what we do about it. In other words, when a woman goes through a bad breakup, she might tend to self-isolate, she might spend a lot of time lying in bed crying. She might want to spend time processing with her girlfriends, and so those are very obvious signs that she’s upset and trying to deal with a breakup, whereas, as a man, he might approach that differently. His way of dealing with that might be going out drinking with his buddies, or diving into his work and just becoming a workaholic, or, you know, diving into his favorite hobby, pastime, sport, right? So it looks like, Oh, he’s just getting on with his life. And, you know, he doesn’t even care, because he’s not laying around in bed crying for three weeks.

And it’s like, no, it’s not that he’s just getting on with his life. It’s not that he doesn’t feel it. It’s like that’s his way of coping with the grief, right? It’s to go out and just do stuff, and sometimes it’s a it’s a distraction, honestly, and not the healthiest thing, in a sense that he will go out and keep himself busy and not really feel the pain, and it will come back later, but, but sometimes it actually is a good way for us as men to just like, go get in our physical bodies and just like, go get on the mountain bike, go to the gym, lift weights, like, you know, go out and do manly kind of stuff as a way to help us move That stuck energy that’s there from the breakup. But don’t mistake that for he doesn’t care, and the relationship wasn’t really important to him, and he didn’t really feel anything. Number eight, what’s the man’s view on getting mental health care counseling when it gets beyond spouse support? I’m so glad you asked this question. And honestly, this is something I really wish I could change for men. But unfortunately, there’s still this misconception out there that somehow needing help, needing counseling, especially if it’s like a psychologist is somehow weak and not something that a man would do. Often, men will not seek help until they’ve really hit rock bottom. Whereas had they sought help earlier, they may have avoided hitting rock bottom, but yeah, often it’s not until they really crash and burn hard that they realize they finally need some help.

So I would not be surprised if many of the women listening have witnessed this in their own relationships, where it’s obvious that he is struggling with something and needs help, and it’s obvious that you can’t be, nor should you be that person for him to help him get over that, but they’re not actually seeking the help that they need now. Keep in mind, when it comes to spouse support type stuff, your job isn’t really to help him. Your job isn’t to be his counselor. Your job is to be his support system. And those are actually really different roles. So you will support him in getting the help that he needs. You will support him in encouraging him to do the work that it takes. You will recognize when he’s doing work, and appreciate him for that. And of course, you are there to hear, you know, some of what he’s going through, but you’re not there for him to dump all of his stuff on you’re not there to try to tell him what to do or give him the advice that kind of stuff will really strain the relationship and also affect the polarity. So let him get the help outside of the relationship that he needs, while you are there to help support him through that process that he is going through.

Boy, if I, you know, if I could create a short list of things that I could really drill into every man’s head, this would be on that list, which is, it doesn’t mean that you’re weak or less of a man in any way. Get the help that you need, just get the help that you need. You know, we of course, have that stereotype all the time, but men will never stop and ask for directions. It’s like if you’re lost and the navigation is not working. Nobody has maps anymore. Ask for directions, right? Same thing, you know, if you’re lost in your relationship or with yourself or with your own masculinity or your own sexuality, and you just don’t know how to get through it, just ask for help. There’s nothing unmanly about that. So that’s what I would say most men’s view is it somehow means that it’s less manly, and they will often resist it. Not every man, though, and I think it is changing. I think more men are open to the fact, especially in the younger generations.

Although younger generations are unfortunately missing a lot of what it means to actually be a man. They’ve gone a little too far on the other side. But, but it is, it is changing, where more men are open to the idea, you know, I mean, I’m only 50 years old, and I can clearly remember in my lifetime, the majority of people thinking that seeing a psychologist was bad, like something you would never tell like, if you had to do it, you would never tell anybody you did. And now that’s changed a lot, like everybody tells you about their therapy appointment, so that’s good because that means people are seeking the help that they need. And so I do think it is changing, but in general, I think there’s still a stereotype there as well.

Number nine, does a man ever think he’s been in a relationship too long and finds it difficult to leave? Is this when he ghosts Okay? From a man’s point of view, he would never look at the time and go, You know what? I’ve been in this relationship five years and five years is just too long, and it’s time for me to get out of here. That’s not something a man would do. Men are generally more in the set-it-and-forget-it, kind of world which is not good either, but it’s true. They’ll, men would, they’ll, they’ll get into a relationship that meets most of their needs. They’ll get in a comfortable rhythm, and they’ll be perfectly happy just riding that out. Now that has a lot of problems in and of itself. And so, you know, we spend a ton of time coaching men about how to not just set it and forget it, because you can’t actually do that with relationships.

But that is the type of thing that men will do more often than not. They will just set it and forget it and just damn well if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. It’s chugging along. Well, I don’t get it. Why is there a problem? Why is she complaining? Right? So he won’t think that he’s been in a relationship too long. For that reason, the place where he may think he’s been in a relationship too long is if the relationship is abusive in some way. And you know, there may come a time where he finally gets fed up with dealing with an abusive relationship, whether that’s emotionally abusive, physically abusive, whatever. And he might say at that point, you know what? I’ve tolerated this way too long, and it’s time to get out of it. So that’s the one place where I see a man. Might think he’s been in a relationship too long, but in general now they, unfortunately, men, tend to fall more into the if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Let’s just set it in, forget it mode, neither of which are particularly healthy for a relationship, but that tends to be where men are more often.

All right, we’re almost, well, we’re a little over halfway through the show. We’re almost halfway through the questions, doing a good job so far of not being too long-winded. I was actually joking with my girlfriend this morning before coming in to record, and I was telling her how many questions I had, she gave me the smirk, and was like, You, you, how are you going to do 19 questions in an hour? We both laughed about it, because I knew she was right. I tend to talk a lot, but hey, you know I’m fortunate enough that I have managed to structure my life in a way that I get paid to talk. So I’ve turned something that has occasionally in the past been a detriment or negative into a net positive. But be that as it may, trying really hard to stay on track here and get all of these questions in but I do need to take a short break for the second sponsor, ladies, this one’s for you.

Are you tired of always picking the wrong guy? Does it seem like there just aren’t any good men out there? Are you struggling with your sexuality? Maybe you have shame around your sexuality? Or do successful relationships seem to be a mystery that you just can’t quite crack the code? If that is the case, then it is time to get some help. Check out my women’s relationship and sex coaching program at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/relationship-sex-coaching-women/. I know it’s a long link, don’t worry about it. It’s in the description. All you got to do is click on it if you are coming across a clip here on social media and you can’t click on links, say, like on Instagram, just go to the profile link in bio. When you click on that, you will see it all right there, there will be an option that you can click on for the women’s relationship and sex coaching. In this program, we will work on removing sexual shame, becoming confident in your body, learning these sexual secrets that drive him wild, what to really look for in a man when you’re dating, how to break old patterns, like always choosing the wrong guy and so much more. This is your opportunity to learn everything you have ever wanted to know about men while also creating real and lasting change in your life. So go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/relationship-sex-coaching-women/, and sign up for a strategy call today that is https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/relationship-sex-coaching-women/. The link is in the description.

Without being too long-winded about it. I have mentioned this on the show before, but when Celine passed, you know, she was the one doing pretty much all of the women’s coaching in our business model. And we were, of course, doing couples coaching together, but she was doing the women by herself, and when she passed, I removed all of that stuff, all those options from the website, because I really thought at the time like I didn’t have enough value to provide to the women one on one. And I have since learned that that was complete nonsense. And with the work that I’ve been doing, as I mentioned at the beginning of this show with my friends over at Magnetize Your Man, the women are so grateful, so appreciative, and they get so much value out of the work that we do together that it really inspired me to open the coaching for women back up again. And I’m so glad I did. I have been working with some really amazing and wonderful women and really delivering a lot of value. So I’m happy to be offering that again.

All right. Number 10, why does a man ask for my opinion? Is it for me to validate his choice or decision, or does he want me to speak up if I disagree? Sometimes it feels like a test and sometimes it feels as sincere. How can I stay in my feminine with my response? Either way. Okay, so in general, men do not ask questions as a test. The reason why you may be thinking that is because as women, you do often ask us questions to test us. You will ask us questions you will, you know, create hypothetical situations. You will, you know, set up scenarios that are whether you’re conscious of it or not, designed to test us and make sure that we are trustworthy and that you can really rely on us however we as men don’t really ever do that. Now, of course, there are exceptions to everything. I’m not going to tell you that it’s impossible that your man is testing you in any way, because there is a full spectrum out there. And I’m sure there are some men that would occasionally in this particular circumstance do that.

But in general, speaking generally about men, we don’t generally ask questions or ask for your opinion as a test. Most of the time, it’s because we actually appreciate your opinion. Sometimes we are looking for some validation. You know, I know as men, we’re supposed to always be 100% confident and know exactly what we want, and you know, blah, blah, blah. But that’s not always the case. Let’s be realistic. We’re human, so sometimes we do doubt ourselves and we are looking for a second opinion. You know, personally, for me, I would only be in a relationship with a very mature woman who’s done a lot of work, and so that type of woman is probably really in touch with her intuition. And I think this is one of the superpowers of women that they they do have the ability to be more in touch with their intuition. Now, that doesn’t mean that as men, we don’t have intuition. We do. We have what we call a gut feeling, right?

And we have it, and we can tune into it, and we can, we can learn to listen to it. But I have learned over the years that, you know, having a really good woman by my side who’s in touch with her intuition. It’s like having a secret weapon. If I’m not sure about something, you know, I can double-check it and run it by her and see what her intuition says. And I it has, you know, it has not let me down, to be honest. So, so, yeah, a lot of times we’re really looking more for validation of what your opinion is, and not so much trying to test you. You also said sometimes it feels sincere. Well, it should hopefully always feel sincere. I would say if it doesn’t feel sincere, it might simply be because he’s asking because he knows that he’s not supposed to just make every decision unilaterally. And he feels like, oh, yeah, I’m supposed to include her because my coach said, or that YouTube video or that podcast I listened to said I should be, you know, not dictating and including her. In that case, you know, he might be asking because he knows he’s supposed to, in which case, it might not feel sincere, but in general, if we’re asking your opinion, it is because we sincerely value your opinion.

And the last part of, how can you stay in your feminine with your response? Just the same way that you would always stay in your feminine, it’s hard to say without a specific question. Like to give you an example of what a feminine response would be, but you know, just the feminine is open, she’s receptive. So rather than giving him an answer and challenging him, you know, in a very direct, sort of forceful way, staying in your feminine would be like, Okay, I see that. That’s what you were thinking. And you know, you might even say, you know, my intuition as a woman says that. You know, you might want to think of it this way. If you don’t want to talk about intuition, you could just say, Well, okay, I see that. And have you thought about this? Or, you know, there are ways to do it rather than being like, no, that’s ridiculous. No, no, don’t do it that way at all. You need to do it this way, right, which is very much a masculine way of handling it. Just stay in your feminine and say, okay, you know, first of all, thank you for asking me. I appreciate that. You value my opinion, and have you potentially thought about it this way, right? So there are a couple of generic examples of how to stay in your feminine.

Number 11, how do you spot a man looking for a sugar mama versus looking for a woman at the same level, versus a man who is genuinely feeling connected to your heart? Okay? First, how do you spot a man who’s looking for a sugar mama? Well, that’s not easy to do in the very beginning. However, there are things that you can look for along the way. Is he always asking you to pay? Is he always, you know, not just saying, like, at, at, you know, you go out to dinner or something like that, but for like, everything, everywhere you go? Is he saying, hey, let’s go on a vacation? But then he’s like, Well, I don’t have the money. Can you pay for it? You know? Is he asking to borrow money from you regularly? I’m kind of shocked.

Honestly, I know there are men out there who do this, and every once in a while, I’ll hear a story from a woman about it, and I’m often shocked about how far they will let men get away with this before they finally realize what’s going on and put an end to it. It’s a little sad, because in a lot of these cases, these women desperately want love and, you know, he’s, of course, pretending to be all in and all that, and she’s because of that. She just doesn’t see the signs because she doesn’t want to see the signs. And that’s always a little sad. But. Yeah, look, look for those types of behaviors. Is he going, Oh, forgot my wallet. Oh, can you pay this time? Or let’s do this. Oh, but I, you know, I didn’t whatever. Like, you know, a man who’s not looking for a sugar mama, if he knows he doesn’t have the money for something, he’s just not going to suggest it or bring it up, right? He’s not going to ask to borrow money from you all the time. In fact, he would feel somewhat ashamed if he had to do that. He might do it if he absolutely had to, but he would, he would have to really eat a big piece of humble pie before he comes to you and actually does that. So that’s how you can spot someone looking for a sugar mama versus someone looking for a woman at the same level.

If he’s looking for someone at the same level, he’s gonna basically be looking for, you know, somebody to have an equal partnership in the relationship. So just look for those types of things, you know, when we’re talking about polarity, a lot of times, like, yes, we want equal partnership. At the same time, there are roles that the man should be fulfilling and that the woman should be fulfilling. They aren’t always equal, and that’s important. So I think there’s too much emphasis these days on everything has to be equal. We all do all the same things the same amount of times, and that’s just a polarity killer. So look for a man who’s looking for equal in terms of, you know, one or the other isn’t seen as more or less than the other person, but that you also do have roles of who’s in the masculine, who’s in the feminine, so that’s more what you want to look For, and a man who is feeling connected to your heart. Well, you know, this is, this is a little bit trickier, just because men often don’t voice it as much.

But, you know, look for not only the things he says, which are important and men should get better at learning to vocalize those things, but also look for the actions that he’s taking. So if he’s consistently stepping up and doing things to make your life better, a lot of acts of service, that is a really good sign that he is genuinely feeling connected to your heart. So unfortunately, a lot of women are looking for the words because that’s what they want to hear, and they often forget to see that the actions themselves are speaking a lot of words, even though they’re not being verbalized in a spoken language. All right. Number 12, what kind of dating profiles stand out for a high-quality masculine man? Okay, that’s a great question. I am not a dating profile expert, but I have had several, several dating profile experts on this show in the past. I would say you’ve got to make it real. Unfortunately, a lot of women, they put all their glamor shots on there, and it’s like, you can’t even it’s just the real woman, is this what she even looks like? Like on the men’s side, they do the opposite thing. They put a picture that’s 10 years old up there, and then you meet in person, you’re like, Who is this guy? Right? But for women, it’s like, all these super high makeup, sometimes even photoshopped, you know, photos that look kind of phony.

It’s perfectly fine to have beautiful photos of yourself, even professionally taken photos, but also have some photos that are like, here’s here’s me. And the difference between your iPhone photo of who you actually are in your day-to-day versus your glam photos shouldn’t be that big a difference. It shouldn’t be night and day. It should be like, Oh, here’s her, and here’s her, just, you know, done up with a little bit more makeup and hair and style, right? But looking at them, they’re like, they’re the same woman. So that’s a good start. The photos are a big part of it, and then the way you write your profile, I would suggest trying to do your best to write it in a feminine voice as opposed to a very masculine voice. A lot of women want to make themselves appear. You know, I’m really financially successful, and I’m really successful in my business, and that’s all great, but if you focus too much on the power woman, the boss, babe, type profile, you’re gonna miss out on a lot of men who are gonna be like, she’s too masculine for me. So those would be my two suggestions on that one.

I don’t remember what the episodes were titled, but I’ve had, I had one of the main people from match.com come on and talk about how to write good profiles. Had another dating expert come on the show and talk about how to write good profiles as well. Just yeah, search if you’re if you’re on. Website, just type in the search box, you know, dating, online, dating, dating, some variation of that search term. It’ll come up, and you can do the same thing on YouTube as well. If you’re within the channel. Do it within my channel. Those episodes will come up, and you can get more information on that number 13. How do men feel when a woman is confident in some ways but insecure in others? Does a man perceive a woman as low value if she is insecure? No, I wouldn’t say that. You know. I would say that if a woman comes across as being super confident in all areas of her life, she’s probably going to come across as a bit masculine. It’s, you know, these are stereotypes, but you know, they’re still true to some extent. On the man side, if, if a man doesn’t come across as being 100% confident, you see him as less of a man. But on the female side, if a woman isn’t 100% confident, we don’t actually see her as less of a woman. In fact, we expect her to be insecure in some ways. We don’t want her to be massively insecure. We don’t want her to be so insecure that it affects her ability to show up in the relationship. We don’t want her to be consciously or sorry constantly in an anxious attachment style, because she’s so insecure.

But we do kind of expect that there will be at least some insecurity there. And you know, we also see our job as a man is to help her get past those insecurities, you know, so, like tons of women, are insecure about their looks, and if we are in love with a woman and we think she’s beautiful, we will think absolutely nothing of spending a tremendous amount of time reassuring her that she’s beautiful and we’re attracted to her, but it doesn’t make us feel like she is a low-value woman. Now, if she’s insecure about everything, if she’s constantly insecure if that insecurity is leading to some pretty strong, anxious attachment-style behaviors. That’s a different story. That type of stuff will have us seeing her as you could use the term low value, but the reality is, is we would just look at it and say, whoa. We don’t want to deal with all of that, because she gets needy. She gets attached. She’s like, texting me every three seconds. She’s super jealous like we would just look at that as behavior like we don’t want to deal with that. That’s way too high maintenance. It’s too difficult to deal with. So yeah, if that’s what you mean by low value, then yes, that would be low value.

Number 14, do men get put off by a woman who talks a lot about work? I think it’s a bit of a hazard for me because I love my work. Okay, this depends. I have seen couples that were both entrepreneurs who were really into their work, like working six, or seven days a week, and they would talk about work all the time, and that lit both of them up because that was their thing. So, you know, if both of you in the relationship love your work and spend a ton of time in your work, then you know, it shouldn’t be a problem. What could be a problem, though, is, you know, let’s say you really love your work and your partner, you know, he’s got a day job. He’s earning a good income. It’s not necessarily what lights him up in the world, and when he leaves on Friday, he doesn’t really want to talk about it anymore. It could be a bit much if you’re constantly talking about work. I will say this also, even if you really love the work that you do, and both of you really love it, and you love talking about it. I strongly suggest that you take breaks.

So for instance, Celine and I loved our work, and we would talk about our work all the time. That’s how this show got started, was us talked about our work while we were just out for a morning walk in the neighborhood. So we would talk about work a lot. And of course, you know, we lived together, we worked together. We shared an office together in the same room, no walls between us. So the work topic was up a lot. So what we simply did was we set aside times where we’re not going to talk about work now, that way we wouldn’t get to in our heads, like, for instance, you know it’s after dinner, maybe we want to connect physically. Maybe, you know it’s date night or something like that. It was really easy for us to get in the oh, let’s talk about work mode. And sometimes we would catch ourselves doing that. We’d go into talking about clients, and, you know, how are we going to help this person? What are we going to do, or this new program we want to do, or whatever, and then we would have to say, Okay, let’s, let’s table that for now, and we’ll come back to it tomorrow if we needed to write it down so we wouldn’t forget it, we’d write it down. But I strongly suggest that even if you love your work and even if your partner is okay with you talking about it a lot, create, you know, cut out of time. Time when you take that off the table and you just give each other a break is really important.

Number 15, how to discuss with a man if your goal is to continue working, and he has expressed wanting a stay-at-home wife but knew you were working towards that goal before you met. Are men feeling less of a man when a woman wants to work? No, we don’t feel less of a man when a woman wants to work, if she wants to work, especially if she loves her work. No problem with that at all. Does it make me feel like any less of a man in any way, shape or form? However, there is another issue here, which is the issue of shared values and common goals. So if, from his perspective, he wants a stay-at-home wife, because he wants to raise a family, and he believes that, you know, having the mother at home, especially for the early years, raising the children, is the best way to raise children, which I agree with I think, if possible, every woman should be able to really spend those early formative years as much time as they can with their kid.

I know it’s not always possible, but, but the research really shows the impact that it has is really, really profound. So if that’s what he wants, and he knows that it’s what he wants, then you’re potentially looking at a conflict of goals and values. So for instance, on your side, if you’re like, well, that’s not really a high value for me. What is a high value for me is staying in the workforce, building my business, moving up the ladder, whatever it is, then you’re just, you’re potentially looking at an incompatibility in the relationship. So really what you need to do is you really need to sit down and talk about these things openly in a mature fashion, about, here’s what I want out of life, and I always suggest this, especially in the beginning of a relationship. What are your goals? You know, within the next year, the next five years, the next 10 years, the next 20 years, right? Doesn’t mean it’s locked in stone when you say it, but, but it’s a good idea to get a feel for you know what it is you want as you go through life, so you can see if those values, if those goals, are in alignment.

Number 16, is it a real observation that men settle for simplicity, even if not completely in love, ie feeling safe and comfortable more than passionate and in love? Yes, some men will, will do this. Some men will do this for sure. Some men will, will go, You know what? It’s close enough. It’s good enough. It works for me, and they will be content with that. I would not put that type of man in the high-value man category. Usually, those are the men that are also content to have some crappy job that they hate and get up and go to every day just because, you know, I don’t know, it’s too hard to find another job, or it’s too much work to go back to school or whatever it is. But yes, unfortunately, quite a few men will settle and stay in relationships that just feel comfortable, but that lack of passion and love. But again, those are not high value men, and I would strongly suggest not being in a relationship with a man who is willing to settle like that.

Number 17, Why are men afraid of commitment? I’m sorry when men are afraid of commitment, will they say things indirectly about the future with you? Okay, so if, if a man is really afraid of commitment in general, he’ll just avoid saying things about the future altogether. He just won’t really bring it up, however, you probably will, in which case he will then talk indirectly about it, because he doesn’t really want to commit to anything about the future. So will he talk? Will he say things indirectly? Yeah, but probably only if you prompt him, otherwise, he’ll probably avoid it as much as he possibly can. So you know, if you’re trying to figure out, is my man afraid of commitment, well, just look for what He’s not saying first. Does he ever talk about it? Does he ever say, you know, oh, someday we’ll go here, or someday I’d love for us to live there. Someday would be great if we could do this. Or here’s what I’m working towards. I want us to be able to do this. Here’s my goal, right?

If he talks like that, then he’s probably not afraid of commitment. If you never hear any of that stuff at all, then he likely is. And if it’s more like, well, you know, I don’t know, whatever, whatever way you approach the subject, if he’s kind of talks indirectly by like, yeah, you know that could be a possibility one day, oh, yeah, maybe. And he just kind of brushes it off, then that could potentially be a sign that he is afraid of commitment. Number 18, do women hold any power in helping a man see his own value? Or is this his work? Do, yes, yes, yes, yes. I don’t know how many more times I can say yes, you hold a tremendous amount of power in helping us see our own value. This is something I might get a little emotional here.

This is something Celine helped me with tremendously, for some reason, and I think it has to do with insecurity. Honestly, every woman in my life prior to her never, really, you know, appreciated my talents, my abilities, never shared them. Never told me, Oh, my God, you’re so good at this, or you’re that, or, you know, whatever it is, they just never voiced those things to me. And I think a lot of times the reason is that is because they’re afraid that if they, if they let us know how great we are, that we might leave them for somebody better. I mean, that’s honestly, I think what it comes down to, most of the time, Celine was the complete opposite. That woman was, like holding a spotlight to me in a very positive way. And like, would constantly voice to me, Oh, you’re so good at this or oh, you know what I really love about you is you have this ability. And like, she wouldn’t just say it to me. She would say it on social media. She would say it on the podcast. She would say it to all her friends.

I mean, how many women brag about how amazing their man is to their good-looking girlfriends? Not many, because they’re all afraid their good-looking girlfriends are going to want to steal their man. But not Celine, she did it all the time, and she really, really, really helped me see the value that I had. So yeah, you ladies have a tremendous power in helping us see our own value. We don’t always see it. We just don’t, you know, you have to realize too, that in our world, in the masculine world, it is dog-eat-dog competitive. You know, everybody backstabbing each other to try to get up the corporate ladder. And so we will often get down on ourselves, you know, especially if we’re not succeeding in the way that we think that we should. So one of the ways that you as a woman can really support us is to do exactly that, be a mirror reflect back to us our own value. We will appreciate it a lot.

All right, last question, whew, we’re only two minutes over, so I’ll squeeze this last one in and we’ll get it in in just about an hour. What does it mean when a man says, I just need some space? Is there a way to stay in feminine energy and offer support, or is the feminine woman’s job to back away? Okay, what does he mean when he says he needs space? This is another one where the answer kind of depends. Sometimes it means he’s confused and he doesn’t really know what he wants, what he needs, or, you know, he just, he’s just confused. Other times, it means that he actually wants to break up with you, but he doesn’t have the guts to tell you he wants to break up with you. So he says, I just need some space, right? It could really be either one of those things. It depends on the situation. If he does say he needs space, it is definitely in your best interest to give him the space. However, I would suggest that if you’re going to agree the two of you to create space you set some parameters around the space.

So in other words, what most people do in relationships is, so somebody says, I need space, and you go, okay, and then you just give space. But there’s been no decision about it, Well, how long do you need? Is it okay if I reach out to you? What frequency of reaching out to you. Like, What does space really mean to you? Does space mean we don’t, we don’t, not only see each other, but we don’t talk, we don’t text? Or does it just mean, like, we’re not going to go out on a date for a certain amount of time, but we could still potentially talk. The problem is, when you don’t set any parameters around what the space is, then the person who didn’t really want the space to begin with is sitting over there stressing and having anxiety the entire time, not knowing what’s going on or what’s happening, right? Well, I don’t know. Has it been long enough? Has it not been long enough? I mean, you see this in like every dear, whatever you know column you’ve ever read, you know you’ll if you’re a girlfriend, you’ve probably had multiple if you’re a woman, you’ve probably had multiple girlfriends come to you asking your advice. Well, he said he needs space. Well, what should I do? Right? Like you’ve heard it and seen it a million times.

So set some parameters. If he comes to you and he says, I need some space, you say, Okay, I understand that I’m willing to give you some space, but just so I can feel safe in this, here’s what I would like. You know, how much time do you need? Can I check in with you after a certain amount of time? What level of space do you need? Can I still send you an occasional text message? Can. We still have an occasional phone call, whatever it is, talk like mature adults, and set some parameters around the space, about the level of communication, the frequency, and the length of duration. Now you can say it doesn’t have to be set in stone, that if we agreed space was going to be a week or two weeks, then boom, that’s it. You can just say, Can we agree to check in again after a week, or after two weeks, or whatever? That can go a really long way into making what can sometimes be a very awkward and stressful time, periods of space feel not quite so stressful and awkward.

Whoo. All right, there you go, one hour, five minutes, and change. We got through all 19 questions. I hope that that really did a lot to help you understand men a little bit better, how we think what it is we need, and what it is we mean when we say certain things. And I really hope some of you men stuck around and listened to this episode because there was some great advice for you in there as well. And if nothing else, you have learned what it is women want to know. So now you can do a better job, right? So now you know, if you need space, right? You can actually say, Look, I need some space. But I understand how difficult space is, in general for women, and I would like to just put a little a few parameters around the space, right? That’s one way that you can use this information. I could pick any one of these. I’ll just pick another random one.

Let’s see, when in a relationship with a woman, do men need or want a woman to initiate right now that you know that she’s wondering about that, you can simply preempt it and say, Hey, even though I know I’m the man and I like to you know, kind of lead, I would also appreciate it if you know you initiated from time to time, so every one of these men, if you were paying attention, you potentially learn something about what a woman needs in a relationship with you so that you can provide that better. And if you do that, you will have more loving and harmonious relationships. And the better you step up for her, the more she will step up for you and treat you like the king that you are, well that you at least could be if you’re stepping into that role. So I think a tremendous amount of value here for both of you ladies who submitted these questions. Thank you so much, and I really hope it was helpful. That’s all the time I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe, leave us a review, and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!