A Men’s guide To Understanding Women

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy, and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 223. And it’s titled a men’s guide to understanding women.

Oh, I know, that’s a tall claim. That’s a tall claim. But here’s the thing. This came from two different things recently. One is a friend of ours who is telling us about her dating experience. And she was wondering our opinion on a particular thing that happened. And my response was, Well, he really just doesn’t understand women. Because if he did, he wouldn’t have done that. And I was basically telling her, I don’t think that he meant anything by it, he just didn’t realize, you know, that’s how women operate. That’s how women operate. So that was part of it.

And then the second one was a strategy call that you and I had recently. And if you’re not familiar with a strategy call, it’s if you want to work with either Céline or myself or both of us, we scheduled a call to talk about what your needs are, what you’re looking to get out of it. And you know, how, you know, it’s an opportunity for us to tell you how we work and see if there’s a fit there for us to work together.

So we’re, we’re on a strategy call. And we get off the call. And the very first thing I said was, it was with a couple. I was like, man, he really doesn’t understand women. Like, you know, and they had been together for quite some time. And I was thinking, wow, like, he just doesn’t understand some fundamental things that make women women,

Céline Remy 1:58
I did tell him that during the call,

Kevin Anthony 2:01
You did so because of those things. We decided, hey, you know, let’s put together an episode, where we kind of give you the guys the playbook to understanding women now.

Okay, obviously, there’s no way we can encapsulate everything that you would need to know in one episode, there’s just not enough time. But these are some common things that we see a lot like misconceptions, misunderstandings, things that guys just don’t, they’re not even aware of at all.

So we’re going to, we’re going to break it down into three sections, dating, relationship, and sex. And we’re gonna go over some common things that men either don’t understand, misunderstand or aren’t aware of at all when it comes to women.

Céline Remy 2:53
And actually, some women are unaware of that as well.

Kevin Anthony 2:57
Yes, that’s true. Some women are actually unaware of these things as well, which we’ll talk about as we get in each one. So we got a lot of them to cover. So we want to make sure that we go quickly so that we can get it all in.

Céline Remy 3:09
Alright, before we get started, let’s give a big shout out to our sponsors given.

Kevin Anthony 3:14
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Céline Remy 4:10
like the Tony Robbins course that you can still take like 40 years later,

Kevin Anthony 4:14
right? Because the basic principles in the course are still valid, right? So, powerandmastery.com Check that out.

Céline Remy 4:22
And so the info today is still going to be valid, too. Even if you think you live in a modern time, and what we’re sharing doesn’t apply, it will still work.

Kevin Anthony 4:34
Oh, not only will it still work, but you know, it’s kind of crazy that people think that Oh, well. That’s a modern time these things don’t apply because a lot of these things are are part of who we are as men and women in humans in general and they don’t change even though you know, the outside society might change maybe this thing is acceptable now or that thing is not or or whatever. Still who We are fundamentally as men and women really hasn’t changed all that much. And we’ll get into that.

Céline Remy 5:05
All right, let’s start with dating. Number one. You might be surprised, but women decide in the first few seconds, minutes of a date, whether they are open to having sex with you. And so basically, it’s your call to gain points, or lose points.

Kevin Anthony 5:22
Yeah. Now see, I was being generous. I wrote a few minutes. But you’re right. Sometimes it’s literally a few seconds, right?

Céline Remy 5:29
We know, we know right away.

Kevin Anthony 5:31
Yeah, it’s amazing. It’s always been amazing to me how quickly women know. And you might be thinking, well, they’re obviously just basing that on something shallow, like, looks, now they’re intuitive. They just they look at you right away, and they go, this is a possibility like this could happen.

So as you said, it’s basically your game to lose meaning, you know, everything that happens throughout the course of that day is either gaining you points getting closer to that, or they’re or losing points and getting further away. And here’s the thing, if she decides in the first few seconds or minutes that she’s totally open to having sex with you. Basically, you don’t even need to score any more points. All you have to do is not lose points.

Céline Remy 6:18
Yeah, well, that’s harder than it seems.

Kevin Anthony 6:22
Well, it certainly is for a lot of guys. And that actually leads us to the second thing,

Céline Remy 6:28
women are not that impressed by you talking about yourself the entire date. What they really want is for you to take interest in them as some genuine question and be curious about who they are.

Kevin Anthony 6:43
Yeah, so. Okay, the reason why this one had to really be on the list is because we hear this so often from women in the dating scene, and they’ll say, all they did was talk about himself the entire time. I know everything about him. I know all his accomplishments, about his business, about his family, about his kids about his whatever. But he doesn’t know anything about me.

And the thing is, guys a lot of time. First of all, they don’t understand number one, right? So they don’t understand that she’s already decided whether or not she’s gonna have sex with them. So they tried to go overboard and impress them with a losing point in doing that, right with all these things, look at my job and look at how much money I make. And look at this, that and the other thing and let me tell you about this project. And this award, I won in this thing that I did, right, thinking that that’s going to impress them and get them into the bedroom.

Céline Remy 7:32
Yeah, wrong. Exactly. A little bit sparkle, a little bit of it,

Kevin Anthony 7:37
right. So you know, you can talk about a few things here and there. But you have to leave room and space to be inquisitive about her. That’s what she wants. She wants you to get to know her.

Céline Remy 7:52
She’s wants to have like, genuine questions.

Kevin Anthony 7:57
Yeah. And so don’t don’t just ask stupid questions, like, I mean, not as a stupid question, because it is somewhat irrelevant, but like, so what do you do for a living? You know, go beyond that. Yeah, exactly. Go beyond that. Be genuinely interested in who she is, as a

Céline Remy 8:11
person fears. What are you most proud of in your life? Is there something you’d like to to accomplish on your bucket list?

Kevin Anthony 8:20
Yeah. I mean, what places in the world have you traveled to? You know, what are your favorite hobbies or interests? What? What are pivotal experiences that have happened in your life that have made you who you are? I mean, I don’t know all kinds of things like get to know it’s a fun day, Chris? Yeah. Well, maybe we should do it. Tomorrow is date night. All right, number three,

Céline Remy 8:47
even if she says she’s okay with being casual, or just sex. She really wants a deeper commitment, whoever she realizes it or not.

Kevin Anthony 8:57
Yeah, okay. So this one I have learned the hard way through personal experience because I have been in relationships I, I was in a long term relationship that ended not by my choice, and I was really not happy about that.

So then there’s somebody who I was friends with and I would hang out with from time to time who I realized became interested romantically. I straight up said, hey, look, you know, we have a lot of fun together. I’m totally open to hanging out with you. And you know, being intimate with you, but I am in no space to start another relationship. Like I’m not over the last one. I can’t do it. I’m not emotionally available, like from day one. And you know, she said, It’s okay. Yeah, no problem, you know, let’s just basically fucking go climbing.

And I was like, Okay, sounds great. And what happened? She got deeply attached matched and then very hurt when I wasn’t available for her in the at the level of emotional depth that she wanted, even though I told her that from day one. So granted, that’s only one example, I could give you several more. Plus, we have seen this many times with people that we’ve worked with where they get together. Like, here’s another way that this shows up, right?

People that necessarily don’t believe in the institution of marriage? Yes. Right. So then they say, well, we don’t we don’t need to get married, like the government has no business. You know, being in my bedroom or my relationship, I don’t need their stupid piece of paper. Right. And they’re right. They are right. They are rights to. Exactly. Intellectually, they’re right to a point, right. And the problem is, is that deep down most women, I can’t say all because there are exceptions to everything.

There’s an exception to every single one of the things we’re going to talk about today. But in general, she actually wants that level of commitment. And I have seen cases where two people have been together for a long time. And they both agreed that they weren’t going to get married. And then, for whatever reason, he suddenly gets the clue that he should propose, and he does.

And then she is happier that like, she cries, she screams, she’s shaking, because this is a woman who said, I don’t ever want to get married. Right. But ultimately, they want it because it feels safe to them. They want to know that he’s committed and that he’s in and for whatever reason, that piece of paper, and that official ceremony gives her that peace that she needs peace of mind. Yeah. So that’s a big one.

Because we see that a lot, especially, you know, if we’ve worked with people who are into St. Pauli, or open relationships, are these types of newer relationships that don’t fit the old model. You have to understand that underneath the surface, even with those people, they want that,

Céline Remy 12:21
did you and a lot of women think that she might just be the one, she might be the one to help him get there.

Kevin Anthony 12:31
Right. So sometimes women come into it, knowing that that’s how he feels and thinking I can change him, of course. Bad idea. No, you can’t, he can only change himself and only if he wants to. So don’t count on that one.

Céline Remy 12:51
Number four, if you are dating a single mom, her kids come as part of the package. She will always make them number one priority over you.

Kevin Anthony 13:03
Yeah, so and this is another one I’ve learned from personal experience. But another one that we’ve seen a lot, one of the biggest complaints that men have when they get into relationships with single moms, is that she doesn’t make him a priority. Kids First, well, I you know, this is a human nature thing. And I hate to break it to you guys, she’s never going to make you the number one priority, her children will always be the number one priority.

The other thing is, is that a lot of times she’ll say, you know, his dad is in his life, he doesn’t need you to be the dad, you know, blah, blah, blah, you don’t have any obligation or responsibility in that area. It Wrong bullshit. Again, even if she tells you that there is an expectation that you are going to come in and integrate into the family.

And as such as the man, there is a role that needs to be filled, and she expects you to fill it. So you’re going to have to step up and be the man and you’re going to have to discipline the kids. And you’re gonna have to lead by example, and do all those things. If you’re getting into a relationship with a woman who has kids do not think that this one is different, that somehow you’re going to be immune to these requirements. You are not.

Céline Remy 14:28
Yes, all right. All right. Last but not least, women started thinking about the future for relationship from day one. Marriage, kids home, etc. We do.

Kevin Anthony 14:40
This is this is one that you taught me actually, you know, because I, I kind of knew that women think about these things, but I didn’t really think they thought about it as quickly as they do or as deeply as they do

Céline Remy 14:55
when I was younger was crazy. It was like what would I Kids look like, Oh, he’s got blue eyes with our last name match.

Kevin Anthony 15:04
Yeah, no. And here’s the thing is, so obviously, when you were younger, because you were thinking about, you know, kids and that kind of stuff, these are the things that were going through your mind at the time. But we’ve heard this from a lot of other women as well.

If women are really truly honest about what goes through their minds, they will tell you that these are the things that they think about, literally from day one. It’s like you went out on the first date. And they’re already thinking, you know, if you’re young enough, where you might have kids, she’s already thinking, What would our kids look like? Where would we live? What would our house be like,

Céline Remy 15:42
if you visit his house? And you thinking, how you would remodel it? Change thing?

Kevin Anthony 15:48
Oh, yeah, for sure. This is another one that we hear a lot from our female friends who are dating is like, they go to the house, and they will tell us, they’ll come back with the report like, Oh, he’s messy. He’s really messy, like, that would never fly for me. Right?

Or like, oh, he doesn’t clean his bathroom enough. Or, you know, I would do this in this room. Yeah, I would do this in this room, or he doesn’t, you know, we hear it all. Trust me, the first time she comes into your house, she’s paying attention to every single one of those things, and seeing how it matches how it would possibly fit in with her life.

Céline Remy 16:27
It’s just schedule.

Kevin Anthony 16:29
Right? Exactly. Don’t worry. It’s just, it’s just sex. It’s just sex, then yeah, don’t don’t, don’t sweat it. All right. So those are our sort of top five things that men need to know about women when it comes to dating. Trust me, if I had known all of these things, when I was younger and dating, it would have radically changed who I dated, and how I dated.

Because, you know, as a young, naive man, I would often is, as much as I could outright, just say, what I was thinking and what I was feeling and where I was at, in a given moment and relationship. And they were they would agree with it. And then later on, things would blow up down the line because of one of these five things. And I’m like, and it was frustrating when I was younger.

And had I known that this, this is basically how most women are and how they operate, I wouldn’t have been so frustrated by and I also would have said no to dating some of the people that I dated, I really would have, I would have said no to having sex with some of the women I had sex with. Not because there’s anything wrong with having sex with them.

But because of the fact that and we’ll talk about this later on when we talk about sex, but the deep level of bonding and the expectations and the things that come along with that. So, you know, it doesn’t matter how old you are, by the way, I mean, the the man that partly inspired this episode is 60 ish, right? And he doesn’t understand that. So it’s never doesn’t matter how old you are, it doesn’t mean you understand this. And it’s never too late to learn. If you’re in a relationship, or thinking you might want to be in a relationship, even if you’re in your 60s 70s or 80s, you need to understand these things.

Céline Remy 18:20
Now, let’s see what you need. First, a woman needs to feel safe to fully open up in a relationship.

Kevin Anthony 18:26
Yeah. So now we’re moving on to the relationship section. And the first one is she needs to feel safe. Now, we did an entire episode on this. And I highly suggest that you go back and listen to that episode. I don’t remember what it was titled. Unfortunately, it wasn’t titled safety.

Céline Remy 18:43
It was like, is that the secret to openly opening her up sexually?

Kevin Anthony 18:48
I think yeah, I think maybe that was the title of that episode. And this is so important. It literally required an entire episode. If you want to master a relationship, you have to figure out how to create safety in the relationship. Now, you know, as we talked about in that episode, it’s not just that she needs to feel safe, like you’re not going to beat her or anything like that.

That’s one small piece of a much larger pie. Please go listen to that episode. But no, in this episode, that it’s truly important. If you really want to have a deeply connected, beautiful loving relationship, then you need to make sure that she feels safe, and we’re going to talk about that again later when we get to the third section on sex.

But let’s go to number two, even if she is used to making decisions at work, running the household or raising her children. She wants you to step up and make decisions and not leave everything up to her. This is a plague in our current society. Right so we’ve got all this Pressure on men to not be the macho asshole toxic masculine dictator and blah, blah, blah.

Céline Remy 20:08
Oh, the women are the boss, babe. Yeah, well,

Kevin Anthony 20:11
the other thing is can yell, the women need to be the bitch ass Boss Babes kicking ass, you know, blah, blah. So obviously, this is creating some problems in relationships. So men now are afraid to step up and make decisions and take action. And that’s from a man’s point of view. That’s really what’s happening. And we see this day in and day out with nearly everybody we work with.

Their men are afraid. They’re literally afraid to step up and be men. And it’s a problem. And we heard this recently, where the guy was like, Well, if she’s not happy in the relationship, then, you know, then she just needs to make the decision. And I’m like, what, what is this? How can you possibly sit there? And just say, well, she’s not happy, let her decide to leave.

I’m like, No, this relationship is made up of two people, two people who both have a say, you need to step up and make a decision. Now, here’s the thing. She doesn’t have to agree with your decision. That’s true. And you don’t have to force that decision on her. But you need to at least make a decision, and then be open, if it’s not the right decision, to possibly changing it and making a different decision.

What she really wants, isn’t so much that you made one and forced it on her. She just wants to know that you’re capable of stepping up and making a decision. Yeah. And that just putting it all on her shoulders. Right. And lets you know, like, like we said in here, you know, she might be used to, you know, being a corporate CEO and making decisions all day long. And maybe she’s running the household and making decisions about the kids all day long.

Even though she’s perfectly capable of making all those decisions. Sometimes she just doesn’t want to she just wants to be able to let go and relax into the feminine receiving mode. And if you’re forcing her to constantly continue to make decisions in your relationship and your sex life all the time. She can’t do that.

Céline Remy 22:18
Alright, so found the episodes.

Kevin Anthony 22:19
Yes. All right. So in regards to feeling safe number one, it is episode 206. The key to her pleasure. I had a good memory you. You pretty much nailed that.

Céline Remy 22:29
Yeah, it was such a good episode. So I want to make sure people could get back to it. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 22:32
please, please, please go back and listen to that one. Okay. Number three. This one’s funny. If you ask her what’s wrong, and she says nothing. You can bet something is wrong. I don’t know like this is this is almost to the point of being cliche. I know at this point, you know, like, Honey, what’s wrong? Nothing.

Céline Remy 22:58
Nothing is wrong.

Kevin Anthony 23:01
Luck. First of all, if you as a man can sense that something’s wrong, something’s probably wrong. Because you will it because it because most of the time, men are completely oblivious that something is wrong, and something is wrong. So if you’re thinking something’s wrong, like somehow you feel it as a guy, you are most likely correct. There most likely is something wrong.

Now, if you ask her, and she says nothing. And that’s all she says, you know, something’s wrong, because a woman will never just say nothing. She will elaborate. She will tell you, in many words, usually. What’s going on? What It Is she needs or what it is she’s looking for. So if all you get is that nothing? Oh, fuck. You are probably in trouble. So don’t take that.

So first of all, you shouldn’t even necessarily ask the question that way. If you’re feeling like something’s wrong, don’t say what’s wrong. Just say, hey, is there something you would like to talk about? Yeah, it’s so much better. Is there something on your mind? I sense maybe that you’re a little stressed or tense or a little tense? I’m happy to sit down and talk with you about it. Right. So yeah, which also leads us into number four. Similarly,

Céline Remy 24:29
if she says she’s fine, she’s probably not.

Kevin Anthony 24:34
How are you doing? I’m fine. Fine. Once again, if all she gives you is an I’m fine. She ain’t fine. Yeah, it

Céline Remy 24:45
she wants you to give her attention. She wants your energy. Yeah, she wants you to chase her to pursue her.

Kevin Anthony 24:57
Yeah, so again, when she comes and says I’m Fine. She’s not fine. But again, you know, figure out ways to ask better questions. Yes. Right. You’ve I’m sure you’ve heard this many times, ask better questions, get better answers, right? So find a better way to connect with her. Don’t just ask her. Are you okay? What’s wrong? I mean, don’t do that. ask better questions.

Is there something you’d like to talk about? Is there something on your mind? You know, is there something that you are needing in this moment? Oh, see? See, that’s, that’s music to women’s ears. What do you need? Can I help you meet that need? All right, number five, the last one in this section, which is women are more guided by their emotions, they are emotional creatures, having frequent emotional shifts comes with being female. They are not crazy.

Céline Remy 26:07
Well, we are, then we know we are. But we get out.

Kevin Anthony 26:13
Well, crazy implies abnormal, I think, which is why I say they’re not crazy. And emotional fluctuations and shifts are normal for women. Now, here’s the thing. It’s not an excuse for bad behavior. But the band’s there’s a lot that needs to be said on this one. The first one is guys, our emotions, don’t shift a whole lot. Because we’re men, and we’ll talk about hormones when we get into the sex part of this.

But because there are a lot of hormones changing, there are a lot of emotional moods changing. And that’s just part of being a woman. And so the thing is, is you can’t allow that to knock you off your center, you can’t allow that to rattle you Gru make you you know, I don’t know unstable in the relationship or fearful or whatever it is, just have to understand that this is part of who they are. This is why they always describe women as being water, right? They’re always moving, they’re shifting. Sometimes the seas might be rough. Sometimes they might be calm, but it’s always changing. It’s never static. It’s never staying the same.

Céline Remy 27:28
You, however, are the banks,

Kevin Anthony 27:31
right? So we as the men would be the banks of the river. We contain that. And that’s our job. But the thing is, is too many men want women to be like men, in a sense that why is she always changed? Why is she so emotional? Can’t she just be like a guy and be the same all the time? No, no, she can’t. She can’t, and she won’t ever be. And trust me. I know you think you want that?

But you don’t actually want that? You don’t? I know. I guarantee there are some guys totally disagreeing with me right now. They’re going Fuck yeah, I want that, like this crazy woman shit like, No way, man. Trust me, you don’t want the differences. This, I started to say before, emotional shifts are not an excuse for bad behavior. And that’s the difference. What you don’t want is a woman who has really huge emotional shifts accompanied by bad behavior. Right?

The flipping out the yelling at you the the the emotional reactions that don’t adequately match the situation. That’s the kind of stuff that you don’t want, you don’t want the bad behavior. Now, sometimes, you know, some people do have emotional problems, right? And it can seem like, Oh, it’s just because she’s a woman and her hormones are changing.

But no, they actually have a deeper underlying emotional or psychological issue that needs to be dealt with. And then if that’s the case, then that behavior is not acceptable. But there’s plenty of acceptable behavior within the realm of normal emotional shifts and fluctuations that come with being a woman. And so as a man, you need to understand that you need to make space for that.

Céline Remy 29:18
And as a woman, you have to be kind to yourself. And don’t just believe everything you think.

Kevin Anthony 29:26
Yeah, well, nobody should believe everything they think but especially people who are aware of the fact that their behavior and their emotions are being totally driven by a particular hormonal change happening happening at a particular time. So yeah, all right, before we get to the last one, which is the sex part Oh, no, wait, sorry. We’re only halfway done with the relationship stuff. I forgot about that. But either way, we need to take a pause. For our sponsor, so our sponsor today is

Céline Remy 30:05
us.

Kevin Anthony 30:08
You know, we actually really like using this show as a platform for people to hear about all the things that we have to offer. So yeah, it’s great to have other sponsors too. And we do occasionally have other sponsors, we will be having a new one coming up soon. But we also like to make you aware of the things that we offer, because we like to offer valuable things. And so here, we are talking about shopping for great products on our website.

One of the really cool things about the work that we do is that we’ve been around long enough. And we’ve been noticed enough that a lot of companies come to us with products and we get to evaluate them, look at them, try them for ourselves, and determine whether or not we think this has valuable for value for our listeners. So we have done that we have hand selected some great products to help support your health, sex life and relationship and purchasing products from us and our affiliates help support the work that we do.

So 223 episodes, how do you think we fund all of this, it takes money for hosting and for you know, tools, equipment, stuff breaks, you got to replace it, how we keep doing this is by you guys listening to us and buying products from our sponsors. So if you would like to do that, go to Céline remy.com. Forward slash products that Célineremy.com/products, Célineremy.com/products. It is our curated list of some of the best products we’ve got biohacking. We’ve got sex toys, we’ve got everything that you we games, fun date night stuff. So go check that out. Okay, on to the second half of the relationship,

Céline Remy 31:59
we’ve had a gun to what you really wanted to talk about hormones.

Kevin Anthony 32:03
Yes, you’re right, it’s not in the second section is in the second half of this section, which is in relation to number five that we just talked about. Part of the reason their hormones fluctuate much more than a man is due to hormones, right? So part of the reason why their emotions fluctuate much more is because of their hormones. So obviously, unless you were born under a rock, you understand that women have a menstrual cycle.

Céline Remy 32:32
Yeah, and we have something called estrogen.

Kevin Anthony 32:35
Yes. And so the amount of estrogen and the amount of progesterone are changing throughout that cycle. Now, we also did two really great episodes on hormones. One with Dr. Platt, and the other one with Dr. Asher Fleischer. Yes, thank you for remembering that they were back to back episodes, I don’t remember the numbers off the top of my head, but they do have hormones in the title. So if you just search for the word hormones, you will find them. They were fantastic.

And the takeaway really is, so much of our behavior is dictated by our hormones. And just to emphasize that a little bit more, we also did a fantastic episode with Dr. John Gray. Right men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and the many books that follow that from Dr. John Gray. And one of the things that John Gray said in that interview was, you know, when he wrote, men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, he had a pretty good understanding of the differences between men and women.

But he admitted that what he was missing in that was the piece on hormones, because he didn’t have a real understanding at that time, how the hormones played a role in that. He has, of course, subsequently written several books that do include hormones, but that’s how important they are. A lot of who we think we are is really our hormones, you take the testosterone out of a man, you will watch his behavior and his personality radically change your will.

So it’s important to understand that because when you realize that women have a cycle, and you realize that their hormones are fluctuating, the mood will follow the hormones. Exactly, exactly. And again, this isn’t something you can change as a man, right?

And it’s also not an excuse for bad behavior, as we just said, but you need to be aware of it and understand that this is the nature of the creature, right? And if you’re not okay with that, then maybe you just shouldn’t be with women. If you want to be with women, then you just need to make peace with it. Right? And figure out how to work with it and her in a way that works for both of you,

Céline Remy 34:50
which kind of leads to number seven, where when a woman goes through those emotions, she doesn’t want You’d be like, what’s wrong? Try to fix her. She simply needs you to hold space.

Kevin Anthony 35:07
Yeah, that this is another one. This is this is another one that’s almost reached the level of cliche, but yet we still see it all the time. So we have to talk about it right? Which is, she has some sort of an emotional moment, she needs it out. She needs to let it out.

And then of course, what do we want to do as men? Thanks. All right, well, let’s, let’s figure this out, we can fix it. Right? There are times when fixing it is appropriate. But most of the time, especially directly in the moment, all she really needs is for you to hold space for what does that mean? What does it mean to hold space? Just listen.

Céline Remy 35:49
Just listen to her reflect back. And limited that?

Kevin Anthony 35:54
Exactly. Let the emotions move through.

Céline Remy 35:57
Don’t take it personally, and don’t fix it.

Kevin Anthony 36:00
Yeah. Totally don’t take it personally, because it most likely doesn’t have anything to do with you.

Céline Remy 36:08
So don’t be afraid, she might get really angry.

Kevin Anthony 36:11
Yeah. And that’s okay. That’s okay. And that’s, that’s another thing that guys don’t really understand is that, you know, especially since most of us, I mean, maybe the younger generations, not as much, because it’s more acceptable now for men to show emotions. But, you know, in the older generations, I can’t even believe I’m saying I’m in an older generation, but I guess it’s got to true.

But, you know, in the older generations, it just wasn’t acceptable for guys to show emotions. And so for us, we, you know, we tend to unless we’ve done a lot of personal work, just hold it all in stuff at all down. But women have never been like that ever. And women just need to release the emotion. Honestly, guys, you need to release the emotion to and you need to find healthy ways to do that. However, women really, really need to do it, and you just need to be able to hold space for that.

Céline Remy 37:06
Number eight, a woman needs to know that you are 100% in and committed to the relationship.

Kevin Anthony 37:13
Oh, this is another one. This is a big one. I gotta give her a truth bomb for that one, right? Because I don’t know how many times we have worked with either a couple or the man. I say that because when we work with the women, sometimes we’re getting her point of view.

But we’re not sure if that’s really true. But when we work with couples, or we work with men, and we start really digging into the relationship, we often will get to a point where we realize he’s on the fence. He’s on the fence. In fact, one, you know, I made a comment to one of them saying, Well, I think you’re just not really sure whether or not you want to be in this relationship. I mean, it sounds like you got one foot in one foot out.

And he goes now I got both feet out. Like what what? What do you mean, you got both feet out? So, yeah, if you really want to have a successful relationship, she needs to know that you are 100% in and committed. And the thing is, a lot of times guys will say, Well, of course she knows that. I wouldn’t I wouldn’t be with her if I wasn’t 100% in or I wouldn’t have married her if I wasn’t 100%. And

Céline Remy 38:31
she needs like constant. Little like, remembrance.

Kevin Anthony 38:38
Yeah. So she needs some reminders, she needs some reinforcements. And that’s the thing is, if you’ve never really come out and said it, one demonstrated it to then she might, she might be wondering, she might not really know. And that’s the thing is a lot of guys say Well, of course, you know, we’re we’ve decided to be exclusive. Of course, I’m 100%. And that’s not the same.

There’s tons of people who are in relationships out there who say they’re committed, but aren’t really when you really get into the nitty gritty of the relationship and the decisions that they make and how they function in a relationship. You can tell you can tell that they’re not 100% committed to it. So it really helps to say I am in this 100% I am committed to you, you’re my life partner.

This is a decision we’ve made through thick and thin, you know, sickness and that whatever, you know, the usual thing, right, but But you got to mean it too. And the second part of that is you have to demonstrate it. You can’t just say it, you have to show her through your actions, that that is the case. How well that can show up in a lot of different ways, you know, but maybe it’s she needs something from you, but you really, really really, really like wanting to go out with your buddies to do whatever it is you do with your buddies.

But you know that this is important to her in the relationship and you say, Okay, I’m going to tell the buddies, I can make it this time. And I’m going to stay alive today. Yeah. And I’m going to commit to giving you whatever it is that you need. Right. And that’s just one example. But there’s lots of ways through just little things day to day that you can demonstrate that

Céline Remy 40:30
which leads to them the one that number nine, a woman craves and needs your attention.

Kevin Anthony 40:37
Ooh, yeah. So this is one I don’t see as much any more, although we used to see it a lot more in previous generations, which is, you know, the man’s like, Okay, well, I’m married here, we got the kids, we got the house. And then he just dives into his work and gives his work 12 or 14 hours a day working on weekends, and just not giving enough attention to the relationship.

And, you know, I’ve actually was guilty of this in a previous relationship in my late 20s, where I was working a lot. And then I was training with the pro downhill mountain bike race team on the weekends. That was gone, like six to seven days a week. And, you know, of course, we talked about it, we had a great relationship, all this stuff. And in the end, it was a major problem, because I wasn’t aware that I wasn’t giving her enough attention.

Céline Remy 41:35
And so a woman is going to crave and need your attention. And that’s, that’s part of being in a relationship. So that’s how she blossoms Yeah, gives you her best.

Kevin Anthony 41:46
Exactly. So, you know, I’m not saying that you can’t make work or priority or any of that. But if you want see, this is where you have to decide your 100% in because if you decide you’re 100% in in this relationship, then that means you’re you’re committing to giving her enough attention. Now how much is enough? That depends on the woman.

And you know, obviously, again, not an excuse for bad behavior, she can’t be sucking up 100% of your time and energy, because that’s probably not a healthy relationship. But you also can’t work six days a week, 12 hours a day, and then on the seventh day, go golfing with your buddies and expect that your relationships going to be good.

It’s not going to be it’s just not no matter how much it may look like it in the surface, it’s not going to be and you wonder why she’s not, you know, giving you the things that you need in a relationship because you’re not giving her what she needs. Right. It’s a give and take. Okay, now we finally made it to the section on sex, and

Céline Remy 42:47
we’re going to do what you shouldn’t be doing. Go fast.

Kevin Anthony 42:51
I know, because we’re getting a little long in the show. Okay, number one,

Céline Remy 42:57
women require more intimacy before sex. And intimacy doesn’t mean sex.

Kevin Anthony 43:02
No. And that’s, you know, and we’ll, you’ll see in another place, too, that there’s a big distinction between intimacy and sex. So intimacy is often an word used for sex, because on many mediums, we can’t actually say the word sex. So we have to use the word intimacy to imply sex, okay. But in this case, what we’re talking about here, when we say intimacy, connection, connection, connection, exactly, connection.

It’s also part of what we call the constant state of arousal, where you’re doing little things throughout the day, all day to stimulate each other to keep each other attracted. And to connect. Yes, and that, you know, the reason why it’s on here is because women need more of it than men and men don’t realize that right? And so men will give the level that they that they themselves require, without realizing that women need more of it, they need more of it. So that’s just something that you have to know about

Céline Remy 43:53
Rhonda handholding the eye gazing the romance. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 43:57
and trust me, like sometimes guys, like I gotta do the eye gazing thing. This is so fucking stupid. Like, who cares? You know? I mean, seriously. Guys say stuff like that it is worth it. Because when, you know, it’s like they say, you know, whatever you give a woman she’ll return to you tenfold. That’s the thing. If you give her the attention in the intimacy, she’s going to return that tenfold to you. It is it is it is a great investment.

Céline Remy 44:26
Number two, it takes most women between 20 to 40 minutes to have an orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 44:32
Oh, yeah, we’ve talked about this many, many, many, many times on the show, but just remember that when it comes to sex with a woman, do not expect her to have an orgasm in five minutes or 10 minutes, just don’t. Right. And so therefore, you also need to last longer than the average five to seven minutes

Céline Remy 44:53
or a mystery to come.

Kevin Anthony 44:54
Exactly. So this has to do with a couple of things. One, it has to do with the fact that you You need to learn as a man to control your ejaculation so that you can last long enough to take her into that zone where she might have an orgasm. It also means that you need to not pressure her to have an orgasm you’re like, but it’s been 15 minutes, how come you haven’t come yet? You know, like, come on, what’s wrong with you kind of thing? Like, believe it or not guys do this.

Céline Remy 45:22
And it means to focus on the journey rather than the destination?

Kevin Anthony 45:26
Absolutely. Because, you know, sometimes she’s just not going to have one. For whatever reason, maybe she’s too much in her head. Maybe she doesn’t feel safe enough. You know, maybe it’s just something that happened with the kids. Like, who knows it might have voted? No. It may have nothing to do with you whatsoever. She’s just not going to get there. And that’s okay. So no pressuring. And make sure your lasts long enough.

Céline Remy 45:51
Benefits to number three,

Kevin Anthony 45:53
right? Women need to feel safe and relaxed enough to have an orgasm. So again, Episode 206 that we mentioned earlier about safety. We talked about this again. If a woman’s here’s the thing, I’m gonna try to get you to create a mental picture here. Think about a woman position and sex. What does she do? She’s most of the time generally on her back.

Céline Remy 46:21
Oh, doggy vision.

Kevin Anthony 46:23
Oh, you okay, that works, too. She’s either on her back or, or in doggy. And her legs are spread wide open. Her labia are spread wide open. And you’re literally penetrating her. It is like, Oh, yeah.

Céline Remy 46:41
I’m getting into it closing my eyes. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 46:43
But the point is, is that it’s a open receiving vulnerable position. Who is going to allow themselves to be in an open receiving and vulnerable position if they don’t feel safe? And even if they let you penetrate them, they might still not feel totally safe.

Maybe they don’t feel safe, that you can control your ejaculation. Right? Maybe they don’t trust that, you know, you know how to adequately use your birth control method, right? Like, there’s lots of reasons why she may not feel totally safe. And if that stuff is underlying, if that’s under the surface there, she’s not gonna let go and relax. And what she needs to do to access her orgasm is completely let go

Céline Remy 47:30
is the opposite of what people think.

Kevin Anthony 47:34
Well, yeah, cuz they think she needs to somehow squeeze one out. Yeah. No, that’s not how it works for a woman. No. All right, so and, of course, they just did number four. It’s almost like somebody put these in order, for a reason.

Céline Remy 47:52
A woman’s back to orgasm is different than a men’s bath.

Kevin Anthony 47:55
Right? So what does that mean? Exactly? Céline.

Céline Remy 48:00
Don’t go at it the way you go at it for yourself.

Kevin Anthony 48:04
Exactly what she needs to achieve orgasm is different than what you need as a man to achieve or

Céline Remy 48:09
what she needs today can be different than what she’ll need tomorrow. Or what what she needed two hours ago. That’s not the moment to moment.

Kevin Anthony 48:19
So So we’re talking about number four, and number five on the list here, which is, you know, what does a guy need for his orgasm mean basically just needs genital stimulation. Occasionally, he might need a little bit of mental stimulation, but for the most part, stimulate his genitals enough, he’ll get that right. But a women a woman needs more than

Céline Remy 48:41
just to meet their genitals enough. Next week in a whole

Kevin Anthony 48:47
body first, yes. Well, so that’s part of it. Right? Start by awakening the whole body. And then, you know, there’s the safety aspect.

Céline Remy 48:56
I mean, honestly, emotionally, the show on Bootsy worshiping

Kevin Anthony 49:00
Yeah, there you go. Right, which is a recent one, too. We’ll look that up for you. And then we’ll look that up while I’m talking about number five. And we’ll give you that episode. But yeah, her path is very different. Part of that path being different is number five, which is that what she wants in any given sex session can vary not only from session to session, but from moment to

Céline Remy 49:24
moment. Okay, let’s see worshipping episode 215.

Kevin Anthony 49:27
Yes, go back. And that’s been a really popular episode since it was released, because it’s fantastic. Okay, so yeah, this is another thing that’s frustrating for men, because as men, we’re like, we want to figure it out. We know the move and the movement. It’s time to have sex.

We want to do the move, and we want the move to work. Sorry, that’s not how it works. It just isn’t right. It may be worked in that moment. And then the next session, you come back and it doesn’t work, Chris something she needs something else. But even in the same session, it might work for 10 or 15 minutes and then it stops work. In. Yep. And that’s okay. Don’t Don’t freak out about it. Don’t be like, Oh my God, she’s changed or whatever, and how come this doesn’t work for you anymore. That’s just who they are.

Céline Remy 50:13
Which kind of leads us to the next point that we can also release emotions. And sometimes we may cry. It has nothing to do with you. Sometimes maybe be angry, we just need you to hold space.

Kevin Anthony 50:28
Yeah, so sex really good sex, oh, my God, where she’s really open and vulnerable. Space, and you’re really showing up for her, like deeply connected. It is powerful enough to release some very powerful emotions. They could be emotions of joy. Like, oh my God, finally a man who meets me.

They could be emotions of pain, like, wow, that time that I was sexually assaulted, and that I’ve been holding inside all these years, just suddenly got released because she felt comfortable enough and relaxed enough. And that’s okay. In fact, those are some of the most beautiful moments of sex you will ever experience as you know. So don’t get upset. Don’t freak out. Just hold space.

Céline Remy 51:28
And please do not ask her what’s wrong. Oh,

Kevin Anthony 51:30
God. Do not ask her. What’s wrong in that moment?

Céline Remy 51:38
She’s beautiful. And you’ve got her? Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 51:41
All right. Number seven, only two more left here. Once you penetrate a woman, she bonds with you whether that was the intention or not? Yeah. You know, I learned this one from another woman in my life, who I had known for a long time. Suddenly, we both ended up single. And, you know, we’re naked in the bed together. And we’re about to have sex. And she looks at me and literally says, Are you sure you’re ready to do this? Because as soon as you penetrate me, I’m going to bond with you.

Céline Remy 52:17
Oh, my gosh, I’m freaking out.

Kevin Anthony 52:19
And nobody had ever. I mean, I was young. So like, I’d never really thought about it that way. And nobody had ever certainly nobody ever said that to me. And I just in that moment, I just paused and I thought, Oh, I thought you know, I really do want to have sex with you.

But definitely neither of us are actually ready for that level. And we both knew it. We both knew that. Neither was ready for that level. You do? We didn’t have sex? Oh, that’s cool. Yeah. No, we didn’t have sex. We I think we cuddled and then we took a shower afterwards or something like that. But yeah.

And so. I think a lot of guys don’t realize because guys, you know, guys, we can be like, oh, yeah, we can fuck this woman and screw that woman and bang that one and have no attachment to it. And whatever. It’s all good. I mean, more. So when men are younger, as they get older that changes

Céline Remy 53:10
don’t realize that either. They think they can do it all too.

Kevin Anthony 53:14
That’s true. Especially nowadays, where it’s more acceptable for women to have a lot of sexual partners. They think they can do it without getting attached either. But they always get attached

Céline Remy 53:25
up who says do enough art? Yeah, yeah. But you’re

Kevin Anthony 53:29
wired for that. And that’s the thing is, you know, when we’re talking about, you know, a men’s guide to understanding women. And I said at the beginning of the show, that a lot of this stuff is the nature of who we are as men and women. And this is one of them.

Women are wired to bond, it is within their best interest in nature to bond with somebody that we’ve talked about before we’re running out of time. I don’t need to go into all the details of why that is, but just know that it is absolutely part of who they are, and they’re wired for.

Céline Remy 53:59
Last but not least, why don’t you share that one gift?

Kevin Anthony 54:02
All right. Number eight, women are far more powerful sexually than men understand this, but don’t be afraid or intimidated by it. So this is something you have to understand about women like, I don’t care how good you are at holding your ejaculation. You could be like a master at controlling it. If she really wants to make you come and she’s skilled. She will. She will she will do it physically.

She will do it energetically. She can go all day long. She could be banged by 99 Guys in a row and still keep going. She could have 35 orgasms in a row and still keep going the limit to her sexual potential and energy. There isn’t one the places on ourselves. Yeah, literally isn’t one. But you my friend. It’s a little bit of a different story. No matter how good you are at holding back eventually.

If she really wants to she can make you go There’s that and when you do come, you’re most likely going to lose your erection and be out of commission for a refractory period of roughly 20 ish minutes. And as you get older that might be you might be done for that session, right? And she’s like, Bring on the next guy and the next guy, the next guy, right? Her capacity for sexuality and sexual energy and just sexual pleasure, really is far more powerful than yours.

Céline Remy 55:31
Yeah, but most women’s potential is untapped.

Kevin Anthony 55:34
Yeah, well, they put a lot of limitations on themselves and societies, but a lot of limitations on them. So it is largely untapped. But why are we telling you this? Why is this even on the list is because sometimes when women start to let that out of the bag, so to speak, men freak out. This is the powerful Yeah, and this is this actually has a lot to do with why women have been so suppressed by men throughout history, because men ultimately knew that they knew that these women were far more powerful sexually, and they were afraid of it.

And so they thought the only way I can keep it for myself or keep that sexuality and sexual powers are apps just to control it, right. So I don’t know that we see that as much today. But it still exists. Of course, I know it does. And the idea is meant, don’t be afraid of that. Embrace it and use it to your advantage. And I don’t mean like take advantage but like maximize the benefit of it in your relationship. Don’t allow yourself to be intimidated by or be afraid by it. Work with her as a partner together, and then ride the waves of that power.

Céline Remy 56:44
Yes.

Kevin Anthony 56:47
All right, cool. That was a lot of stuff. And you know what, honestly, that’s probably still just scratching the surface of understanding women. But it’s a full show. And we did a lot of talking with very few pauses. So we did our best to cram in some of the most important things that you should know and understand about women and generally, who they are and how they operate.

I understand there are exceptions to everything. Some women might be listening to this thinking. I’m not like that. No, you might not be but a lot of other women are so there you go. I hope this helps men master these things and you will, you will improve your dating your relationships and your sex life. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 57:49
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Céline remy.com forward slash vault. That’s c e l i n e r e m y.com forward slash vault. Thanks for listening. And remember You are amazing