Kevin Anthony 0:00
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, the place to be for honest and real talk about relationships and sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or a couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to help you have the relationship of your dreams and the best sex of your life.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 357 and it is titled, Understanding the Four Nerve Pathways to Amazing Orgasms. Okay? First of all, who doesn’t want to have amazing orgasms, right? We just have to say that right from the start, because what you’re going to learn in this episode today is going to help you have better orgasms, more amazing orgasms, potentially more orgasms than you were having before. And you’ll start to understand how and why your body reacts the way it does, which can help you make decisions about, hey, what position am I going to be in, or, you know, that sort of thing. So I think you’re going to learn a lot today. It’s a fascinating subject. It’s one I know a little bit about, but I’m definitely not an expert on it. Celine, when she was alive, was far more into this subject matter and used to talk about it a lot, but I have an absolute expert with me today who’s going to unpack this, and I’m really excited to hear what she has to say about it.

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Okay, my guest today is Leah Piper. She’s the founder of More Love Works and co-host of the sex reimagined podcast, and she has spent over 20 years helping 1000s transform love and sex from routine into art. Oh, I like that into art. Yeah. Drawing on her expertise in Tantra, psychology, and somatic therapies, she guides people to deeper intimacy by fostering creativity, vulnerability, and passion in relationships through workshops, coaching,g and mentorship. Leah empowers individuals and couples to rediscover authentic connection and a lasting desire. Welcome to the show, Leah.

Leah Piper 2:49
Thank you. Thanks for having me.

Kevin Anthony 2:51
I am excited about this. I’ve been looking forward to this episode for a while. I will say that, you know, I don’t really have anybody on the show that I don’t like, but definitely some episodes I’m more excited about than others. Last week’s episode I was really excited about, and this one too. So and I’ve been booked so far ahead that I gotta wait for these shows to come up. So I’ve been waiting for us to have this conversation.

Leah Piper 3:17
I can totally relate with our own show. Sex reimagined. It’s really fun. I’m also the editor of our show, so being able to revisit the episode and re-consume the content has been super rich for me. So yeah, I’m glad you’re excited about this. Me too.

Kevin Anthony 3:32
Yeah, this might you know, early on when doing my shows, I used to listen back to my own episodes a lot because I was trying to figure out how to get better, how to watch the words I was using, and just how to conduct the show better. So I used to listen to it a lot. These days, I don’t really listen to a lot of my episodes. I just have so much content, I honestly can’t keep up with this totally at all. Yeah, however, certain ones I do go back and re-listen to, and this is probably going to be one of those.

Leah Piper 4:01
Well, congratulations on 300-plus episodes. That’s an amazing achievement. When you look at how many people end up getting podcasting fatigue as hosts of their own show. I’m just wrapping up episode 146, so we are in our third season, soon to enter our fourth, so when I hear someone who has, like, twice as many episodes as us, it’s really exciting. So congratulations. I know how much work it takes.

Kevin Anthony 4:28
Well, thank you. It is a ton of work, but I actually really love what I do. And I have to say that, you know, when I came up with the idea to start this podcast there, I had absolutely no idea I would have enough to say for 357, I was going to make 25, really, you know. But here we are. So, yeah, beautiful. All right, let’s just dive right in. Because I know, I know what people really want to hear is this topic of the four nerve pathways. I. I want to start with something that you say, which is that we have a much broader orgasmic ability than we’ve led to believe. So before we get into the details, could you talk a little bit about that, like describe to people what they potentially don’t know about their orgasmic ability?

Leah Piper 5:20
Well, I think it all begins with the fact that we get a very poor sex education, from the school system to our culture to our family of origin, very few people get a real sex education that they can harness and then, like you said in my introduction, create art with every species figures out how to have sex. It’s a biological imperative. We’re going to rub our parts together, and we’re going to get off, and we’re going to procreate. So we’re hardwired to figure all of that out, but what we’re not hardwired to consider is how to elevate sex, how to really explore it in our body to get the biggest reward. And I’ve got a long background, a rich background in tantra as a way to take a look at sex when I describe Tantra to people, which is this ancient mystery school practice that’s like, you know, over 2000 years old. For some of us in the modern age, it would be really hard to relate to this thing that’s so ancient.

But the way I describe it, just to simplify it, is that Tantra is the great beautifier of sex. It’s what makes sex transcendent and gives us this experience of having really profound mystical experiences, and how we explore pleasure, and how we explore love and connection with another human being. It’s this way to go, soul to soul. And so we have that sort of poetry that people can investigate, like, how do you can you sync up your breath? How can you be really soulful and be really present with another human being? How can you deeply come into your body and explore pleasure at such a rich level? But the thing that makes it more powerful that I’ve discovered in the past 15 years, is taking a look at what modern science has brought to the table.

Because when we just take a look at vulva owners, sexuality, and female sexuality. We’re finally starting to get some things right, but it’s still so new that some of the things I’m going to be sharing with you about these nerve pathways that take pleasure up to the brain, they’re not even being taught in med school. Yet. It’s like we still have such a long way to go, which is why your show is so important, and my show is so important, so that we can start to give these, these, these GPS coordinates to everyone and and we still have an uphill battle to manage. We still don’t get enough funding for female reproductive health and sexual health, we’ve we’ve sort of normalized male sexuality to a degree that women are still trying to chase.

So it’s interesting. I don’t have kids, so there’s, there is a gap for me and trying to figure out, what are parents teaching now to kids, if they’re teaching anything, and I’m almost certain that no one is teaching them about the nerves that carry different types of pleasure up to the brain. The brain is the biggest sex organ, so that’s really important to understand. And the nerves that carry orgasms up to the brain, most of them run up the spine, but we’ve got one very special nerve that runs up the front of the body.

Kevin Anthony 8:40
Which we are going to talk about in a minute. You know, I would say that you would think that in 2025, parents would be teaching their kids a lot about sexuality, but they’re really not.

Leah Piper 8:53
Yeah, that’s my guess, too.

Kevin Anthony 8:54
There’s a small subset, you know, that is a bit more open about it nowadays than in the past, but the overwhelming majority still isn’t teaching much. And if they are teaching it, I guarantee you, they’re not teaching about the nerve pathways because so so few people know about it. Yeah, they really do it in the point you made about medical schools is absolutely right. There’s they are absolutely not teaching this stuff yet. And while it is new, like we would consider it new. I mean, it’s been around for a number of years. For years now. Like it’s not like it just came out at the beginning of 2025, it’s not groundbreaking new research. But considering the way medical schools work, I mean, they lag so far. And this is true. This isn’t just true of medical schools. It’s true of any school. By the time it actually makes it into the textbooks, it’s years old by now, right?

Leah Piper 9:44
You know, I’ve been in the sexuality space for over 20 years, but I didn’t learn about the female anatomy of arousal. I didn’t learn that women have as much erectile tissue, ounce for ounce, inch for inch as men. Like that was revealed to me. 10 years ago, at the most, 12 years ago. So to imagine the first 10 years of my career, not knowing to share any of that information, not knowing about the nerve pathways, I can’t tell you what a deep connection understanding that brought to my own system. It was like, and I was already having these really profound experiences.

But when I was empowered with the knowledge of how my vulva changes as a result of blood flow, of how I can when I stimulate these different erogenous zones, I could actually feel different sensations when I learned about the chemicals that rush through the brain at the peak of an orgasm, or for a 22nd hug, I could start to feel the drip of those hormones inside of my body. It up leveled the experience of embodiment that I didn’t have prior to that, and it became such a thrill, because then I could teach it to other people. I could help women go, Oh, my God, your body’s so amazing. You know, what do you think about a big, hard cock and how like beautiful that is. Now, imagine you have one too. It’s just organized differently, and I feel like that just juiced something up. It certainly juiced something up for this system.

Kevin Anthony 11:13
Yeah. And, you know, in sort of alignment with that, you mentioned something earlier about, you know, there’d been a lot of study in male sexuality, but not so much in female sexuality. And so what’s interesting about that is because there was so much study on that anybody who was really geeking out on it, like if you were a woman, you were geeking out on the male research. And so probably that was leading you to do things like chase the way that males would feel pleasure, right? As opposed to what really works for you as a woman. And so I think part of the value of having this new research and understanding is that now you can understand specifically how your own body works, and you can target that which it would be way more effective than trying to, you know, have an orgasm the way a man does, or approach sex the way a man does.

Leah Piper 12:01
I think for the last couple of 100 years, there’s been such a focus on the male sexual response, because it was assumed that men were the ones who wanted sex, and like, somehow women’s pleasure or sexual desire is somehow elusive, which actually isn’t true. We are. We have the same parts. We’re just organized a little differently, and we’ve been perceived as having we’re like, there’s male sexuality, and then women basically have male sexuality, but it’s the light version, and that is that’s just, turns out that’s actually not true, but how our approach, how our desire opens, what opens us versus which closes us, the type of sex that women want to have that they’re not having, that hasn’t been fully arc. It articulated to the masses, so that everyone could have better sex, I find just the research in that, and then the opportunity to find the clarification and to find the language that helps women really explore their desire to the fullest.

Once we understand our own neurotic map, man, are we gonna be able to provide that to the people who want to love with us and and so that’s really my challenge to Bulbul owners out there listening, is, please go on your on a personal adventure of understanding the marvels of your pleasure and the marvels of your desire. And that takes some bravery. It takes, you know, facing some shame. It takes being brave and how you communicate, and it also requires being in the frustration that often arises in the pursuit of our deepest pleasures, our most fulfilling orgasms.

Kevin Anthony 13:54
And we’ll get to towards the end, how women can start to awaken these because that is definitely something that I really want to talk about once they understand it. But I did want to make a quick comment about this idea that just walked right out of my head in that moment. I totally got it lost there. Oh, it’s the idea that there’s still a lot of stuff that people either believe that isn’t true or don’t know yet. So in other words, this idea that women don’t want sex as much as men is just complete nonsense. We had society suppressing it so they couldn’t be forward and outspoken about it. That’s part of it.

Kevin Anthony 14:39
And then the other thing that I always tell men all the time, I’m like, Look, if your woman isn’t wanting sex all the time, it’s probably because she’s not getting the kind of sex she wants, right? So it’s all that stuff you talk about, like, how does she open up to it? Right? Like, if you don’t understand all of that, and you’re not working within the way she works, eventually, if she stays with you long enough, she’s just going. Get frustrated and shut down, and go forget it, right? So, so, yeah, this idea that she doesn’t want sex as much really isn’t true, and anybody who has at least achieved a reasonable level of sexual mastery knows how much their woman lights up and just wants it all the time. So we can, we can throw that myth right out the window.

Leah Piper 15:23
Yeah, and then also like, we in order to, like, reignite the passion. And I see this all the time with long-term relationships. I even see it in my own long-term marriage, there are these ebbs and flows of our feeling ignited for each other, and that’s why communicating is so key is, is finding the way to open that throat and talk about what you desire. We can’t expect our partner to be a mind reader, and if we haven’t gone on our own journey of discovery, then we’re both feeling very important and and then we get a little numbed out, and the love goes deep.

But the part of our life that tends to suffer the most is that erotic connection, and that’s what makes relationship different from all other relationships like it’s the fact that when you have a romantic connection with Someone, it’s the sex that makes it different from the relationships with your family and your best friends. So when the sex goes, then we turn into super siblings, and I think a lot of people feel shame about the lack of sex in their partnership when they go through that period in a relationship, where things feel so secure that it kind of starts to numb out the erotic part of life.

Kevin Anthony 16:47
Yeah, we could literally do an entire episode, episode on that, just right? Totally. But we’ll leave that there for now, because we’ve got a lot more to talk about. All right, let’s dive right in. I want you to just briefly explain each one of the four nerve pathways and how that relates to their orgasm.

Leah Piper 17:09
So I’m going to first describe where the nerve pathways are, what they feel like, and how you can arouse them, looking at it from a vulva owner’s body. And then we can talk about how these same nerves exist in penis owners bodies, but how they are organized differently, so that we can get you can understand the difference between the two.

Kevin Anthony 17:32
That is, that is perfect, and we can honestly spend the bulk of the rest of this show talking about exactly that.

Leah Piper 17:40
So the first nerve pathway is the one that most people are going to be familiar with, which is what runs the clitoral orgasm up to the brain, which is the pudendal nerve. Something that’s very interesting about the pudendal nerve, that the word pudendal actually translates to shame. So here we have the psycholinguistics of language that has this subconscious undercurrent of how many of us are kind of sitting in a mountain of conditioning, even if we don’t believe the conditioning, we’re still sitting in it, and that gets stuck sometimes in the tissue, in the soma of the body. So I always think that’s very interesting. Now, my understanding is that there are some activists right now trying to change the name of that nerve pathway to something that does not translate to shame.

Kevin Anthony 18:29
I’ve already learned something new. You just started. I had no idea that word translated into shame.

Leah Piper 18:37
Right? I mean, but now, like, we can really understand why this shit so hard to talk about when the very thing that carries the orgasm up to the brain is burdened by this term, right? And what shame means to our systems and to our private parts. So, setting that aside, we’ve got this incredible pleasure of our clitoris, and the clitoral orgasm is much like a male ejaculatory orgasm. It has a peak and a valley. It goes up and then it explodes, and then it comes down, and it often, although this is debatable, my experience in my body is that the clitoral the clitoris has a refractory period where the blood starts to dissipate after the orgasm, and then that’s why people lose their desire. It’s why most of us are one and done.

When it comes to an orgasm, we have our peak climax, and then the system drops the desire, and then we have to work much harder if we want to have a second clitoral orgasm. Now there are different breathing methods and monitoring how much friction your clitoris gets, so that you can change the shape, the length, and the ability to be multi-clitoral orgasmic with a few techniques. But first, let’s just describe. Um, kind of what that clitoral orgasm? It’s, uh, yeah, like I said, it has a peak and a valley. It goes up, up, up, and then it comes down, down, down. And then we need to usually rest any questions about that before I sort of describe how we can elevate our clitoral orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 20:18
No, no. That makes absolute perfect sense. And, you know, the only thing I would say is, I’m constantly telling women, don’t just go for that first explosive clit orgasm, like my wife used to call it the genital sneeze, like, oh, and I’m done, right? You know? And like, it’s worth hanging in there and building up that energy, by the way, is a great use of Tantra. But I’ll let you talk about that.

Leah Piper 20:42
Yeah, very true. We don’t want to rush to the finish line when it comes to our clitoral orgasm. For many of us, our clitoris is very responsive, and so it can be very tempting to just go over the waterfall, but then we lose our desire, and then sex isn’t quite as enjoyable as we continue the ride. One of the things that I really encourage listeners to think about is that we don’t just want to go to the peak and crash into the valley. We want to go on a journey. We want to go up and ride a hill and then let that hill smooth out. We want to take another hill and get cut, close, close, close, close, close, close, and then let it soften and roll down, and then we can reach another peak.

And by doing so, it’s going to make reaching that full climactic state more fulfilling and longer. And I want to preface this by saying I’ve never met an orgasm I didn’t like, but there are some orgasms that are better than others, and one of the ones that are that are not. My favorite type of orgasm is what I call the spiking clitoral orgasm, where it rushes to the top and then it crashes to the valley. And you can always tell when these orgasms have happened, because a woman suddenly it’s like she’ll push the hand, the penis or the head away from her crotch, because now that clitoris feels like our raw nerve, and there’s too much stimulation, and it even gets a little painful, and then we can’t take any more touch, and so then everything drops. So let’s talk about the arousal scale to kind of parse out some of these highs and how to manage smoothing them out. If you think about a scale of one through 10, one is, yeah, I could get down with some sexy time. 10 is, I’ve had an orgasm. As you climb the peaks of each number, remember that each number on the arousal scale also has a one through 10.

So when you’re starting to feel your arousal build, notice what number you’re at as your clitoris starts to get turned on. Are you at a 3.3? How delicious is a 3.3? What do you need to get to a 5.7? What is the type of friction? Do you like it when your hood is pulled back? Do you like it direct stimulation? At what number is direct stimulation to your clitoris ideal for a lot of women? It’s not until they’re at a higher peak of arousal. Most women are going to prefer an indirect type of friction to their clitoris in the earlier stages as their body gets warmed up and turned on. I also recommend that people don’t go straight to the clitoris to turn on a woman. So there are primary erogenous zones. Think nips, clits, dicks, assholes, all those things tend to be primary erogenous zones for most vulva owners, you want to open them from their extremities in touch secondary erogenous zones, firsts, wherever there’s a fold or a bend in the body, you have extra nerve endings that are sensitive. So think joints, elbows, wrists, finger joints, wherever there’s a bend.

So we’ve got ears, we’ve got the sides of the waist, we’ve got the curves underneath the breasts. We’ve got the butt cheeks, the curve where the curve of the butt meets the thighs. We’ve got the inner groin. We’ve got the knees, we’ve got the ankles, we’ve got the toes. We’ve got all these bendable parts. And you want to caress, tickle, squeeze, knead, scratch, you want to connect to those secondary erogenous zones that’s going to open up her vulva and the sensation of arousal much faster than if you go direct. Let’s just start rubbing her clit, and hopefully we can rub one out. It’s just one of those things that I think for a lot of penis owners, we’re talking about heterosexual connection, it’s very instinctual for them to go straight to the clit, because it’s pretty easy for them to go straight to their cock to begin to rub one out, but we need a softer approach in order to open more quickly. So by connecting to the extremities, you’re giving her system enough time for the blood to start. To trickle down. And for those of you who are listening, who are Volvo owners, you gotta get your head in the game when it comes to arousal.

So we don’t want you in your head thinking, analyzing, daydreaming, worrying, fantasizing. Wait, a little. Fantasizing is fine. We want you to actually engage your mind so that you’re using your mind powerfully to send you into your system, to feel your vulva thicken, to feel it get wetter, to imagine and to know what it takes to open that up. And your clitoris is a big part of that. That pudendal nerve is a big part of that. So as you start to reach into the higher states of arousal, coming back to the arousal scale, I want you to think of eight and nine. I also don’t want you to be in a rush to get to eight and nine. Slow down. Have fun on the ride. Then, when you get to eight and nine, eight and nine is where those peak levels are at, and you have control over your pelvis, so if your partner is bringing a lot of stimulation or friction to your clitoris, lean out of the friction. Tilt your pelvis a little bit away. You can arch, you can tilt, you can pivot. You that way, you have control over how much friction you’re getting. So you dip into an eight, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. 8.1 8.20 my god. Oh my god. That’s so good. I could just fall over the waterfall right now and get to 10. But I want to slow this down, so I’m going to arch away. I’m just going to tilt away. I’m going to give some of that stimulation a break, and then when it starts to dissipate, maybe to a five or six, lean back into the friction.

And then coach your partner, because this is probably the biggest mistake we make with clitoral orgasms. You start to see your partner rev. They are they are revving. Their body is starting to move. They are going to go over that waterfall. They can’t wait to go over that waterfall. Everybody wants the waterfall. And then the partner ends up speeding up the friction. And resist the urge to tip them over. Let their body tip themselves over. The orgasm will be so much better for them than if you are driving the train over the waterfall. So just stay steady, whatever friction you are applying as they’re starting to rev is doing the trick. Let it just build and build and build and build so that she or they can ride that wave of 9.1 9.2 9.3 9.40 my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. 9.7. Then maybe she can just draw her hips away for a minute, and then she can lean back in, oh my god, oh my god, there’s nine points up again. Oh my god, oh my God, and then 9.8 and then 9.9 and then the great white out, which is going over that waterfall and riding that bliss, when you take that clitoral orgasm nice and easy instead of having that spiking orgasm that I described in the beginning, you begin to roll, you’ll have rolling clitoral orgasms. And when they’re gentle, long, exquisite rolls. Then at the bottom of the roll, her clitoris is still hard, even though she just had a very long clitoral climax, and therefore she doesn’t have to have the refractory period. She can then climb another hill. So we’re looking for hills. We’re not looking for spiking mountain tops.

Kevin Anthony 26:48
Yeah, everything you said was absolutely right on. There are so many things in there that you know, if you’ve been listening to this show for a long time, it’s exactly what I’ve been telling you, and now you get to hear it from somebody I like. When people hear the things that I tell them from other experts, right? Because I don’t want them to just go, oh, well, that’s just his opinion, or that’s just what he thinks. I’m like, no, no, no, no, trust me. So, everything you shared a couple of good things that I just wanted to reiterate that I really liked. First one was you were basically telling the men, like, you know, when she gets close, don’t try to change what you’re doing and try to push her over. I think most men have experienced at least at some point where they were doing something that was working, and then they changed, and it stopped working, right?

Kevin Anthony 26:48
So even if you’re successful, well, I should say you might be successful in pushing her over the edge, but by changing, you might lose it all together, right? So the advice which you gave, which is perfect, is, if you find it and it’s working, just stick with it. It’s the consistency, sticking with it, that will work, and then let her control that. The other thing that I really loved, that you shared, was, you know, this idea, it’s basically sort of redefining for a woman what an orgasm is. For instance, I have had women describe, and it took me a while to figure out what they were talking about. I’ve had women tell me that they don’t actually really orgasm or climax, so to speak. Right?

But as you dig into it a little bit more, what you realize is that some of them actually naturally know how to ride these waves of up and downs, and they don’t have that big explosive one that you were describing, but in their minds, they think the explosive one is orgasm, and they think everything else isn’t orgasm, right? And so what I loved is the way you described that, the way you defined it. You know, if you were one of those people, it’s basically redefining for you what it means to have an orgasm. Like maybe now you could wrap your mind around the fact that when you’re experiencing those waves, those are orgasmic waves. It’s not only the big peak explosion that is orgasm.

Leah Piper 26:48
Yeah, I would even say you’re ahead of the grade, because we can get really like you said, there’s sort of a trap of imagining like this is what an orgasm should feel like. And if I’m not having that experience, then I must not be having an orgasm. Men do the same thing with non ejaculatory orgasms. They think they’re non ejaculatory orgasms should feel like an ejaculation. And that’s sort of a rare occurrence that you get that experience. It’s a different essence that is being explored, which comes back to each of these nerve plexuses do express themselves in a very particular sensation, and your clitoral orgasm typically is going to have a little bit more spark and explosiveness, where some of the other orgasms I’m going to describe are more oscillating. And what’s interesting about the other nerve plexuses is that sometimes those are much easier to have multiple orgasms with.

And if I were to define what an orgasm is, I would say an orgasm is basically energy and movement that’s pleasurable. And I would describe pain is energy that is stuck and contracted. So a good laugh is orgasmic. In fact, a laugh actually stimulates one of the nerve pathways we’re going to talk about. So we can have laughgasms, and a good sneeze can be orgasmic. A good shit can be orgasmic. I call peeing a holy pee. Once you start to experience the female ejaculation, peeing takes a whole other shape. It becomes a really, actually delicious thing. So we need to actually think about orgasm and broaden it, allow it to be something much richer and much more accessible than this very, very narrow definition, that it’s only this genital phenomenon.

Kevin Anthony 26:48
Yeah, I completely agree with that, and we’ll get into this in a moment, although I am going to take a break because we’re about halfway through, and then I want to come back and do the other three pathways. But you’ve described a lot about the clitoral orgasm, and a lot of women think that, oh, that’s sort of the pinnacle. But now, you know, I’m a man, so I’ve never experienced a G spot or cervical orgasm. Well, that’s not technically true. I’ve experienced that many times through my woman, right? Yeah, and I can tell you, it’s powerful when she blasts off into one of those just massive cervical orgasms, it’s like you just stuck your dick in an electrical socket. Well, hold on for the ride, right?

Kevin Anthony 26:48
So, so I’ve experienced that, but I haven’t experienced, obviously, what it’s like, you know, being in a female body, but I’ve had it described to me. And you know, when women do describe that to me, I think to myself, yeah, I can skip the clitoral orgasm, like, if I were a woman, I’d want to go right to those incredible earth earth-shaking orgasms, right? I say that sort of has a little tease before, because on the other side of the break, we’re going to talk about those other forms of orgasm and the pathways to get there. And I just want women to know there if you haven’t experienced that, there’s a whole other world that will blow your mind.

Leah Piper 26:48
Yes, a galaxy awaits you exactly.

Kevin Anthony 26:48
Okay, quick break, and then we’ll come right back. Ladies, are you tired of always picking the wrong guy? Does it seem like there just aren’t any good men out there? Are you struggling with your sexuality? Or do successful relationships seem like a mystery you can’t quite crack the code on? Then it’s time to get help. Check out my women’s relationship and sex coaching program at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/women/. In this program, we will work on removing sexual shame, becoming confident in your body, learning the sexual secrets that drive him wild, what to really look for in a man when dating, how to break old patterns, like always choosing the wrong guy, and so much more. This is your opportunity to learn everything you have ever wanted to know about men, while also creating a real, lasting change in your life. So go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/women/ and sign up for a strategy call today. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/women/. I think you know what I do with women when I’m coaching them, is I like to give you sort of the male playbook, you know, like, here’s perspective from a man. And I think there’s a lot of value in that, but I also know that there are some things that are better for women to teach. And so at the end of this, obviously, Leah is going to. Tell you where you can work with her, because if you need to work with her on some of this stuff, like, I can’t tell you what it feels like to have a cervical I just can’t. It’s just right, that’s not something I can do. So that’s a great place to work with somebody like Leah, and I’ll give her an opportunity to talk about that at the end. For now, let’s jump back into the nerve pathway so we covered the shame nerve.

Leah Piper 26:48
The delicious, delicious shame nerve.

Kevin Anthony 26:48
Here’s the thing, if they’re, if they’re going to use language against us, right? I love you. You see, sometimes people do this, they’ll take, you know, the language or the cancel culture, whatever it is, and they’ll embrace it and turn it around and use it against them. So, you know, let’s just call it the shame nerve, and I’ll have a good fucking life.

Leah Piper 26:48
Yeah, let’s make that yummy, yummy, hot shame nerve. Okay, so now we’re gonna go to the pelvic nerve, which is probably the next most common orgasm that women and men might be familiar with, and this is the area of the G spot and the sacred spot. Now you might have heard both terms. The G Spot is more familiar to most people than the sacred spot. They’re both found generally in the same area. The G spot is the erectile tissue that carries blood and gets engorged when massaged and opened. And then the sacred spot is an energetic meridian. Think of it as an acupuncture point that carries the psyche, having to do with what we would call, in Tantra, the chakra itself. So it’s why, when people start having G Spot massages.

And also, I want to acknowledge that the G spot is also referred to as the female prostate gland and also the urethral sponge. So as we become more evolved in the science and how these things function, we’re seeing new terms arise as we try to identify this erectile network. And I might add that this is not a spot. It’s more like a strip. I described the g spot as being sort of the length of a nose, and it’s found along the front wall of the vagina. So think pubic bone right there. The G Spot is resting against the pubic bone, and if you would want to massage it, think about going inside of the vagina, and you’re reaching up towards the back of her clitoris, as if you could tickle her clitoris from the inside, from the backside of the clitoris. People are also starting to believe that the G spot is actually not like this separate erectile network. It’s actually all part of the clitoris itself. I encourage you to Google Images of the clitoris, and you’re going to see that no longer is the clitoris just this little baby head, this little Bean on the outside of a vulva. It is actually a very large network of tissue.

Kevin Anthony 26:48
I don’t I have a I have a 3d model clitoris, and yeah, and I just looked around like, oh, it’s not on my desk. Now would be the perfect time.

Leah Piper 26:48
I was gonna bring mine out. But it just broke at a festival that I was teaching, and I passed around the audience, and one of the vestibular bulbs broke. But go ahead and check it out. There’s also some really fun new jewelry that I’m seeing in the market. That’s fun. So get yourself a clitoral pendant earrings. Okay, so back to the G spot. Now, when you massage this tissue, and I want to mention that for most vulva owners, the G spot, the tip of the G spot you’ll find at the north end of the vaginal opening the introitus. So if you bring a fingertip right to that north, north, north edge of the opening, you’ll feel so almost like a little nodule. To me, it always feels like a little tip of the nose.

And then you use that little spongy tissue, and you use your finger. I always start with fingers to trace your way and use that finger to go all the way through the length of the G spot. So that when you bend your finger around the tip of the pubic bone, boom, you are actually massaging the full length of the G spot. And look, there are so many strokes and techniques for waking up this tissue, but stillness is one of the most powerful. Bring attention and touch to the G spot. But then again, ladies, vulva owners, you dance on that hand or on that cock, you are the one that makes the movement, and then you find the pressure, and you find the friction, and you find the tempo that really starts to open up this part of your body. You don’t often have to wait for someone to do for you. You just need the depth of presence to help you find yourself deep within, and this is the area that rules the pelvic nerve, and why the G-spot orgasm? It’s also considered the vaginal orgasm. Why is it so delicious?

Well, it’s like more when it starts to awaken and oh, by the way, you will not be the first woman in history if you don’t like it at first, if it feels numb, if it feels Pokey, if it feels sharp, if it feels unpleasant. Doesn’t like we store a lot of stuck stress in this part of the body, and so for most of us, it doesn’t feel like much the first few times you do it, but so it’s an awakening process, and as you get touch, that touch is going to compel blood to start to come down to the vaginal lining, and we want that fresh, oxygenated blood, because that is going to increase the health of our pelvic floor. It’s going to increase the health of our reproductive organs, so you making contact to this tissue is really, really important for your own activation. You can intensify the vaginal orgasm by also learning how to contract your pelvic floor muscles and use that. I call this the Shakti pump. It’s this spiritual, sexual, feminine energy that you can start to harness. The more you are in your hips, the more, if you’re watching this right now, you’re seeing my body move, because I can’t talk about this and not move my hips at this point in the stage of the game. You want to learn how to dance and really be in your hips.

This gives your partner so much important biofeedback, because as you are moving and thrusting and tilting and finding the kind of touch that really opens you, they’re going to follow your lead. And now you’ve got this nonverbal communication that’s happening. And also for you givers, you want to practice attunement with your partner. Notice what opens them, what closes them? Are they flinching? Are they rolling open? Are they arching? Is their breathing changing? Are they making sounds? So if you like what your partner’s doing, please make some sounds. Please give them that biofeedback that they’re on the right track. And as this area starts to open and get engorged with blood. It’s like a portal opens. It’s really hard to describe with words, but I can tell you that the orgasm is very different from your clitoral orgasm. It tumbles, it rolls, it oscillates. It doesn’t necessarily have a peak and a valley, which is why, once you get plugged into the current, it will run you. You don’t have to run it.

And it’s so much easier to have multiple vaginal orgasms, which is a little bit different than learning how to have multiple clitoral orgasms, but it requires a level of surrender and letting go and allowing yourself to kind of be that wild, primal, feminine that just you lose all awareness of being subconscious, a self conscious you’re just like you’re just letting your body be its thing, and you’re no longer thinking about, How do I look, how do I smell, how you know, do I look fat? Do I look skinny? Like all these things that tend to plague us and take us out of our erotic mind, suddenly, this G Spot stuff opens, and you become this supple, soft, undulating deliciousness. And that’s kind of what it feels like to have your G spot open and awaken.

Kevin Anthony 42:58
So I’m wondering if you have any advice for women who feel like that part of their body or orgasm isn’t awakened because I’ve had women say to me, I’ve never experienced, you know, G Spot Orgasm. I know they’re possible. My girlfriends all tell me that they have them and they sound great, but I everything I do, I can’t seem to wake them up. Do you have any advice for women like this?

Leah Piper 43:23
I do, the key is to find the sound of the sensation that you are having. And what a lot of women will report when they’re stuck in that phase is, I feel nothing. Nothing has a sound. I feel numb. Numbness has a sound. The key to awakening this full potential is being willing to give your Yoni a voice, and that’s what we refer to the female genitals in Tantra is Yoni, and it translates to sacred space. We’re really big on the psycholinguistics of language when you start to look at Tantra, because it can either empower you or disempower you. So when you allow yourself to imagine that every sensation that’s happening in your body is a teacher, and your vulva, like epigenetically, through generations, we’ve experienced a lot of suppression when it comes to our full sexual awakening and wholeness.

And it could be your grandma’s story. It doesn’t even have to be yours, but when we give our sensations and what we’re feeling, especially in our genitals of voice, it frees something up. And that takes a lot of courage, because we all want to look beautiful and desirable, and when we imagine the sound of nothing or the sound of numbness, we think we’re going to disappoint our partner. So this requires some courage to go. Well, I don’t even know what the sound of numbness is. Leah, yeah, neither do I. You gotta try on a vowel until you match the right frequency and pitch, because when you can give a voice to the sensation, no matter how little or what you might judge. Is ugly.

You have to understand that sound has pitch and frequency. We can measure it, and it is your breath that will carry what we might call that numbness, a block, something that you’ve stored. You don’t have to know the story. The story is irrelevant. It’s just making the sound and giving it a voice. So let’s say the sound is of numbness for me is the more I make that sound that’s carrying because it matches the pitch and frequency of the sensation, it’s what carries the block out. So think of your pleasure as being sort of like an artichoke. When you first peel back the first tough layers of the artichoke. It’s basically just a delivery system for butter. You’re not scraping much off the leaf. And then you get to the more tender leaves. Ooh, you’re getting more of that yummy meat. Yum, yum, yum. Everything becomes softer and silkier, and succulent. And then you get to the choke.

And that’s usually like that years of suppressed rage and anger that you never allowed yourself to feel, and suddenly that arises and you just let it out, and then what you’ll discover is the biggest, most outrageous, most God inspiring, ejaculatory female orgasm that you had no idea was sitting on top of layers of layers of layers of layers of layers, of all the times you didn’t speak up, of all the times you said yes when you meant no, of all the times you felt shamed, of all the times you felt embarrassed, of all the times you’ve judged your body, of all the heartache, whatever the story is when you can peel back the layers You’ve got access to more of yourself and more of your essence, and this is what makes sexuality so rich and so complex, is that it’s not just all about orgasm. In fact, I try to tell people there are more important places to go than coming in order to come bigger than ever before. So that’s a long answer to your question.

Kevin Anthony 47:02
Yeah, but it was fantastic. I love the fact that you brought up that there are blocks there, that some of them might even be generational and not belong to you, and all of that kind of stuff. Because, you know, these are things that these are things that I’ve been sharing for a long time. When I do have the opportunity to work with a woman who’s experiencing this, you know, and I see the same thing on the men’s side too, a lot of times when it comes to erectile dysfunction, you know, on the on the male side with erectile dysfunction, you know, the first thing I’ll say if a man comes to me and wants to work on that is, you know, please go to your doctor, get checked out. Could be, you know, especially if you’re older, that’s a sign of potential. You know, heart conditions and things like that. I have not yet had one of those men come back to me and say, You’re right. They found the physical problem that was wrong with me, and that’s the whole reason that that doesn’t happen. They always come back, and they say, the doc says, everything’s fine. Okay, now let’s get into the real work, right? Same thing on the women’s side, right? I have said many times that there is trauma stored in the body. There are blocks there, and your key to doing this is to unravel that. That’s not the answer, honestly, that a lot of times they want to hear.

Leah Piper 48:12
Of course, yeah, but who wants to confront all that stuff, is right? No, I don’t blame you. But if you can, if you can turn towards it, I promise you, it’s one of the fastest forms of psychotherapy you could ever engage because it’s a lot easier to actually make a sound. It’s like you can clear so much, so much stuff. I’ve cleared so much stuff in one year that would have taken me 10 years in traditional therapy.

Kevin Anthony 48:41
Well, and that’s the second piece. So the first piece is, I just, I was so glad that you shared that piece that the problem, if you’re not experiencing G Spot orgasms, is likely that, and that’s where you should probably be looking and putting your efforts. So that’s the first piece. The second piece, though, was your approach, which is actually an approach I have not heard people share before, which is using the sound to free that up, which I think is amazing. As a musician myself, I understand sound and vibration and all that, and so that was hugely valuable for anybody listening. I think because, I mean, I’ve heard quite a few people talk about, you know, this topic, but I actually haven’t heard anybody say, use, figure out the sound and use the sound.

Leah Piper 49:24
The number one key it is in when we talk about the chakra system and Tantra, the throat chakra, I think, is the most powerful, because it’s like a magnet for all the lower chakras. So when you’re connecting deeply to sensation and you activate your throat, think of it, your breath. You inhale, you get that fresh breath. You go down, you feel, you sense, and it’s the exhale. And the exhale, combined with sound, carries the block up and out of the body. It moves, it right out. And it’s probably the hardest sell, because people feel silly making sounds, and they feel embarrassed making sounds. Else. I mean, you know, as a musician, how hard it is, probably, to get people to sing. We’re all embarrassed. Someone’s always told us that we have a shitty voice. And we don’t want to look dumb in front of a partner, right?

We, especially if there’s somewhat of a new partner, we still want to be impressive. We want to look beautiful and desirable. So we’ve got all those hang-ups in front of us, so it really helps when the partner says, I’ll sound with you. You don’t have to do it by yourself, and that frees us to go, okay, I’m gonna go ahead and be this. I’m gonna let this all hang out. And I wanna reassure people. It’s counterintuitive, but when you have that, when you’re willing to be that vulnerable, and by the word, by the way, another psycholinguistic word, vulnerable translates to woundable, which is why it’s so hard to do. It’s like we’re opening up our guts. I’m going to make this goofy sound, and I might even say this earth shattering scream, and will you still want to fuck me later? I mean, how is that beautiful?

But it is so exquisite. It is so beautiful because you’re putting your trust in someone. And as you know, if you have been bestowed the trust of somebody, and they’re sitting there and they’re opening and they’ve got tears, aren’t they just the most beautiful? Don’t you feel so privileged? It’s a stunning experience to allow yourself to unravel in front of somebody else. Don’t hold that back. That’s where some of the richest love can be felt, and that’s also the gateway to some of the deepest orgasms.

Kevin Anthony 51:27
Yeah, I agree. I mean, it’s, I think it’s beautiful when either a man or woman can be truly vulnerable in front of their partner and and I think it’s even from a man’s perspective, it’s even more beautiful when a woman just is totally vulnerable and open. Because that’s, you know, that’s, that’s the way the feminine is. She’s designed to open in every way, from her physical body to her emotional body, right? And so, yeah, to me, that’s when you start getting to the really good levels of depth, when she starts to really allow herself to be open. And unfortunately, having, most women you know, having been brought up in such a male dominated society, so many of them are so guarded, they’re so protected, they’re so like, you know, tense all the time, and so when you can get her to really open up, it’s just such a Beautiful thing.

Leah Piper 52:16
I think, too, it’s important to remember that if we’re too goal-oriented, the G spot, orgasm tends to shut down. So if you’re chasing that pleasure, the pleasure is going to resist you. This is an art of surrendering. It’s of letting go and a willingness to encounter what is there, instead of chasing something else and trying to bypass the thing that may be crunchy, and I so I encourage both the giver and the receiver to take the goal out of the play. If you’re gonna have a goal, just make it about love. How much love can you feel? Yes, but if you make the goal about orgasm, orgasm will oftentimes be elusive. So make it about the love. If you make it about love, all the orgasms follow.

Kevin Anthony 53:08
Yeah, both men and women. One of the things I’m constantly teaching them, if you want to have this amazing, mind-blowing sex that goes on for hours, you’ve got to let go of the destination. There’s no destination. It’s a journey. And you’re supposed to enjoy the entire thing. Interestingly enough, speaking of words, have you ever read a book called The Deaf Phoenicians? No, you might find it interesting since you since you love I read it years ago, and it’s written by a guy who claims to be an ex Satanist, and he wrote an entire book about how they as in, you know, people in general, throughout the ages, have used language very specifically to control you by by the definitions of the words the book is deaf as in, you’re deaf, right? Okay, so D, E, A, F, and Phoenicians, as in, the ancient Phoenicians. And it’s a play on words, very obviously, because the entire book is about how they use language to manipulate you.

Leah Piper 54:05
I love this. I’ve written this down. I can’t wait to gobble that up.

Kevin Anthony 54:09
It’s a fascinating book, for sure. I think you’d find it interesting given the way you really tune in on language like that. Okay, technically, only have six, we’re gonna have to go over on this episode a little bit because we can’t not talk about the other two nerve pathways. So we’re gonna have to move a little faster.

Leah Piper 54:29
Okay, we’ll move a little faster. Yeah, no problem. Okay, so the next one is going to be the hypogastric nerve. Now, the hypogastric nerve is most commonly stimulated through anal sex and anal play. So it runs through the anal sphincter muscles. It runs through the prostate gland in men’s bodies. It also runs through the cervix, and it runs through an erectile sponge called the perineum sponge. So there’s a play. Said, very rarely, if ever, gets massaged in the vulva owner’s body, which is if you go inside the perineum. So what you would do is you go down towards the south end of the vaginal opening, and with the thumb, or maybe your index finger, you go down, and then you curl your finger kind of deep within towards the anus, and there’s a little sponge there.

And boy, when that awakens, it is so hot, it is an awesome turn-on. My favorite way to turn on that perineum sponge is when I’m lying on my belly and a partner starts to massage the back of my vulva, and then enters me from behind and curls, usually a thumb, right? So then the other four fingers can be kind of sandwiching and holding the vulva and having some indirect contact to that clitoris, which brings up sort of a fifth phenomenon, which is the blended orgasm, when you can have two neural pathways firing at the same time, you get to have a super size, mega orgasm. So think about G Spot, clitoris, or perineum, sponge clitoris, so the hypogastric nerve runs up the spine, and it has a lot of electrical sensation. It can feel very buzzy. You’ll notice your body will start to go into shivers or undulations, those, those kind of in the beginning, you might get some jerky movements, and then after a while, the more you practice awakening the hypogastric nerve, those jerky movements turn into rolling undulations, much like a serpent rolling up the spine, and you can really feel it really starts to stimulate the back of the brain. We call it the Jade pillow.

So what I like to do is I like to really feel the back of my brain resting on the pillow. And it takes you very, very, very deep. Your awareness gets very, very, very deep. And I just imagine that I can take sensation. And I imagine I’m always connected to my breath, like I’m breathing a river from my genitals all the way up to my brain, giving my brain a bath, and then that bath, that splash that goes from my brain starts to drip down my body like a waterfall, so the river rolls up and the waterfall rolls down, and this is how you can start to open up greater neural pathways between your brain and your genitals, and you’ll start to have deeper experiences. It helps you also expand the length of your inhale and the length of your exhale, which is what you want to do, again, to make your orgasms more intense and longer so that hypogastric nerve, it takes a minute for that to get stimulated, especially through anal penetration.

Again, anal penetration requires a lot of sensitivity, a lot of patience, a lot of surrender, a lot of letting go, and it’s very hard won that hypogastric nerve orgasm is so massive, it’s so big, I would say that my top three peak orgasmic experiences have probably all been hypogastric nerve because it’s been so challenging for me to surrender at that level, for me to deeply trust my body, for me to really let go of being uptight and your anal sphincter muscles. I mean, we call people a tight ass for a reason. We are gripping so often unconsciously trying to keep our world together, and this requires to actually let go, to really, really, really let go, and to encounter some of the hesitation we have from being penetrated at that level, also through anal sex. For a vulva owner’s body, you can massage the vaginal G Spot through the anal cavity. The anal cavity and the vaginal cavity share a very thin wall, and so by pressing up against that wall, it what’s amazing is that, like it feels like the Yoni is massaging the Yoni, and that it feels like a really trippy experience.

So when you’ve got that going on, when you’re stimulating the g spot, even though through the anal cavity, it’s activating the hypogastric nerve, and now it’s activating the pelvic nerve, and if you add a little bit of clitoral stimulation on top of that, we’re now eating a triple layer cake. We’re not just having a one-layer cake, as if we were just massaging the clitoris. Now we are massaging three very specific erogenous zones, and we’re layering our pleasure on top of each other. And this is why this starts to get so exciting. So those anal orgasms, those perineum sponge orgasms, they can be fraught with a lot of hesitation, nervousness, self consciousness, but when you move past those hurdles, baby, holy smokes, we are now. We’re going to the cosmos. Now things are really starting to get transcendent, and your eyes are getting really buggy, and your partner is feeling the ripples of that. And I always call those freebies. You mentioned it earlier, Kevin, it’s like when you are experiencing your partner having an orgasm, you can absorb that play. You’re into your own nervous system if you’re sensitive and aware. And those are really juicy. So we’ve now knocked down three nerve pathways. Do you have anything to add to that before we hit the fourth?

Kevin Anthony 1:00:12
No, I was just smiling, sort of ear to ear, when you were describing that bit towards the end, which is, yeah, absolutely, we can absolutely absorb that. It’s something I try to explain to men all the time. It’s like, if you let go of just chasing your own orgasm, slash ejaculation. Really, for most men, it’s just chasing the ejaculation, because they don’t even know they’re two different things. But if you can let go of that, the amount of pleasure you as a man can experience is so much more like. I try to motivate men to pleasure their woman by getting them to realize that they themselves will also experience more pleasure if they can calm themselves down, learn how to last longer, be willing to put in the effort to help her get there. Sometimes a hard sell for guys to be honest.

Leah Piper 1:00:58
Right, right, right, totally. But man, does love making take on a whole new shape. It’s just incredible. Okay, so now let’s go to number four, which is the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is unique. It’s considering the wandering nerve. It goes up the front of the body. It’s the only nerve pathway that sends orgasm from the front versus through the spine that we know of so far. And what’s interesting is it passes through the heart. It also goes into the brain from the throat, so it hits the vocal cords, and then it goes up into the brain. And this is very important, because the vagus nerve orgasm you you activate it by making sound. So this comes back to the breath, and it comes back to sound, if you want to have a lot of people will describe the vagus nerve orgasm as a heart gasm. This is the orgasm that you feel so incredibly touched.

The pleasure touches you so deeply that you cry. If you’ve ever had a crygasm, you have been moved so deeply that you can’t help but feel emotional when that is happening, when you feel your heart burst into pleasure, when you feel you’re so touched and moved, you start to cry, baby. You are in the world of the vagus nerve orgasm, and it is quite precious. So you want to get in the habit of making the sound of pleasure. And tantricas, no, I don’t make a sound because something happened that makes it worthy of a sound. I start with sound, and the pleasure comes to me if you start sensualizing. So when I lie down to start making love with my partner, and they’re maybe they’re massaging my body, I start oohing and aahing and having deep sighs. It’s like, Oh, you want to start making the sounds of a delicious dessert. We spend more time making sound eating dessert than we do having sex. And we got to get some we got to figure that out.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:14
And I just want to share, ladies, if you do that, that is very motivating for us as men. We hear that we’re like, Oh yeah, okay, all right, keep going. Let’s do more, right? Like, that’s motivating for us.

Leah Piper 1:03:25
Totally. Like, you want to give him that, that biofeedback that he’s going in the right direction. If you’re silent, he’s guessing. He doesn’t really know. So you need to be active in your body language, and you need to give affirming sounds, because it will amplify your experience of pleasure. It actually calls pleasure down into your body. So that’s why orgasming with sound is so critical. It’s the number one key. Think of sound as your intensity control dial. If you want to feel a more intense sensation, you’ve got to make the sound. You’ve got to open up that throat and get past the part that it might be embarrassing, and don’t wait for your partner to sound with you. Say, would you please sound with me?

I feel foolish, but I want to feel this deeper grown with me, babe and and you’ll start to activate the vagus nerve, which is just making any kind of orgasm you have, whether it’s the hypogastric nerve, the potential nerve, or the pelvic nerve, it will make all three of those orgasms richer, more resonant and more fulfilling. Now, there’s one area you mentioned it earlier that a number of these nerves all intersect, and that is the cervical orgasm, the hypogastric nerve, the vagus nerve, and the pelvic nerve all run through the cervix, and the cervical orgasm can be a little tricky. Most women are just accustomed to it being banged up against, bang, bang, bang, bang, and a lot of that is because they are receiving too much deep thrusting, too. Soon we have a great epidemic in the world called premature penetration, where we are not waiting for there to be enough blood coming into the vulva and into the rectal tissue of a vulva owner in order for her to be ready for penetration, you want her begging to be fucked? Okay?

So like, if she’s not begging, she doesn’t get it, honey. Okay, she’s got to really come down, and her hips have got to be chasing that cock like I want it so bad. That’s what we want. Women on their knees begging for it. That makes it so freaking hot. And when she’s at a certain level of arousal on the arousal scale, what happens is her cervix and her uterus begin to contract. That’s when those deep thrusts are going to be the hottest, and you’ll be able to reach places like a spot in other areas that are erogenous in nature. So you want to make sure that there’s enough room, and then enough here’s another way of activating the cervix. The cervix likes stillness, and it likes more of a thumping pressure. It’s a thump, thump, thump. It’s not a vigorous piston bashing up against it. That’s what causes the cervix to feel pain and discomfort, and she’ll endure it, but she’ll hate it, and she’ll be trying to maneuver out of the way, but she will endure it, and we got to stop enduring that’s not the way to have hot, orgasmic sex.

So what you can kind of think of like the cervix is like a cone, and you can think of it as like a little like a little kitten kiss if you bring, let’s say, a cock or a lingam right to the tip of the cervix, and you’re just present with your attention, then the cervix will start to almost be like a she can get so open that you can even slightly penetrate the cervix, just the teeny, teeny, teeny tip. And there’s so much rich, nerve-laden energy there. It’s so intimate. But here’s the hard part is that a lot of guys get scared that if I’m not thrusting, if we’re not activating a lot of friction, I’m going to go soft. And then comes performance anxiety about going soft. So it’s this real dance. It’s like a real trust of going, we’re going to be so in the moment, it’s okay if you lose 10, 20% of your erection, stay right there. The arousal will get so rich, even in the stillness, but you’ve got to trust that you’re going to be okay. You’ve got to trust that it’s okay if you go soft.

Kevin Anthony 1:07:38
Yeah, you know, I would say for the men, too. And my personal experience is if you’ve, like, all the stuff you’ve been talking about, about, you know, getting her to the point where she’s begging for about, you know, not having a destination, and making it more about the journey, right? And, like, going through these rolling types of orgasms as a man, if I have taken the time, you know, with my woman to build that. And we’ve been making love for, you know, 30, 40, hour, hour and a half, you know, two hours, whatever it is, there is no chance I’m losing an erection just because I’m still, because I’ve built so much energy in my own body that my cock is rock hard and throbbing, and it’s like I could sit there for 10 minutes without moving, and it hasn’t changed at all. And I’m telling you, I’m 51 years old, I still have that experience, right?

So I would say a lot of it is, have you really taken the time to build, to build that energy, right? And again, you know, like you said, also, though, so what if you lose a little bit of it. Yeah, the problem is, is, when you get in your head about it, you actually create the very thing that you don’t want you get. The anxiety builds up, and that causes your erection to go away, you know, with a Tantra background, like you have, you know, like tantric sex, you know, can just be hours long, right? And, you know, I hate to say this, because it’s, it sounds like bragging, but my longest lovemaking ever was five hours, and I only quit because I had to go to work. I’m like, Oh crap, I gotta go to work. But, but it’s possible. I say that to say that it’s possible, and to illustrate the fact that if you’re gonna make love for that long. I’m not rock hard. That entire it, right? And flows. It comes and goes, and that’s just part of it. So don’t get out of your head and don’t stress over it.

Leah Piper 1:09:30
Yeah, and I would even say that there are some orgasms we can only have with your soft on. So you have to know also how to make love with a soft on. Like, I don’t like it a purple burster all the time. Sometimes it’s just too intense, it’s too rigid, it’s hard, hard. And so to be able to feel variations of your arousal creates variations of my arousal. To have a guy take a soft on and roll it against the ball. A roll it up and down, twirl it around the clitoris, tap the vaginal opening, tap the asshole. All of that stuff creates so much stimulation, and you have to remember that the majority of our erectile tissue is at the vulva. It’s on the outside. It’s not on the inside, so you re engaging with the outside of the vulva is going to re-amplify our arousal. So we like that in and out. We’d like you to come out and play on the outside and then go back in. Like, let’s take the anxiety and the pressure of performance off of it by expecting the genitals to behave a certain way. Like, I always honor the wisdom of the wand. How do I know it’s supposed to be hard? It’s hard. How do I know it’s supposed to be soft? It’s soft. And Tantra, we call it the sleeping dragon. It’s not another limp dick.

Kevin Anthony 1:10:43
Yeah. I mean that that is a really beautiful reframe, because I know I work with a lot of men, and a lot of men stress over this very thing, they absolutely do, yeah, like really stress over, not, like a mild concern, yeah?

Leah Piper 1:10:58
That sabotages their whole experience.

Kevin Anthony 1:11:00
Of course it does. It sabotages their whole experience, and it actually sabotages their ability to achieve and maintain an erection. So, yeah, that’s a beautiful reframe. The other thing that you brought in that I really love is that you mentioned those moments of stillness. I don’t know how many people haven’t really focused on what we’re calling tantric lovemaking. Really, can truly understand the power of stillness in lovemaking, but it is amazingly powerful when you have those I don’t even really know how to put it into words to describe what it feels right in those moments. But yeah, it is that amazing, and it is definitely you should be incorporating in your love making.

Leah Piper 1:11:40
It’s like the universe opens up. It’s like you start, you start traveling to other galaxies. It is so cosmic. It is so transcendent. And I’ll tell you, Kevin, I preach stillness from day one, but it’s not until my students are in their third year of a teacher training that they finally go, Oh my God, that’s what you meant by still. Because honestly, there’s so much current inside a woman’s body. And I didn’t get this until I started working with women’s bodies and putting my own hands and giving them a G Spot massage to realize, Oh, my God, I keep on telling men, why aren’t you being still? Just be still. I’ll just clamp their hand down, and I go, Oh, my hand’s moving all by itself. There’s so much energy inside of a woman that sometimes things are moving on their own. And so it really does take some extra concentration to practice let me be still and let me be so in the moment. It requires a depth of presence, and holy smokes, is it? It’s bananas how deep and full and rich stillness can be.

Kevin Anthony 1:12:43
I’ve definitely had quite a few experiences with that moment of stillness actually triggering the cervical orgasm. One of the things that I’ve noticed is that like, like, sometimes I’ll be doing a particular motion, and I notice it’s really working, but then I’ll notice suddenly it’s not really working anymore, and that’s often a cue for me to stop and pause. And when I pause all of a sudden, like there’s often this moment where I stop and pause, I don’t really feel anything happening, but I just keep pausing a little bit longer, and then all of a sudden, I feel the build-up. I feel the energy start to go like this, and then boom, there it goes.

Leah Piper 1:13:24
I’m so glad you articulated that I would say that the most important thing in discovering the cervical orgasm is stillness. It is the great activator, more than anything else that you could do. And honestly, the only other thing I recommend doing is a little thump, thump, thump, and then more stillness. Yeah, maybe another thump, thump, thump. Think heartbeat with those.

Kevin Anthony 1:13:44
I noticed sometimes, not always, but sometimes, what works well too. It’s not the pounding straight in and out, but sometimes it’s a subtle side to side that it’s kind of maybe similar to the thump, thump, thump thing that you’re talking about. It’s like a little wave, like a little brush back and forth against it, a little bit seems to work.

Leah Piper 1:14:05
I would say, also, like when a man squeezes his pelvic floor muscles and he makes his penis wave, it’s a different type of friction. It’s not an in and out, like you said. It’s just like that. It’s like a pulsation. It’s feeling someone pulse inside. And that’s like another beautiful, subtle. It activates the subtle body.

Kevin Anthony 1:14:25
Sometimes I like to do that just for fun, because, you know, when she’s not expecting it, when she’s really relaxed and soft, and then you give a good squeeze, she goes, whoa!

Leah Piper 1:14:32
Yeah, yeah. And it feels especially good against the G-spot.

Kevin Anthony 1:14:38
Well, we are way over; that’s okay. And I could talk to you for another 45 minutes about this easily, but I do want to keep the show consumable for people that want to listen to it. We did cover all four, which I really appreciate, and I know that you have a whole course on this. So if people are feeling I wanted more, they’re. Is a place for you to get a whole lot more on this. I also want to thank you for sharing your expertise in this area. But the other thing I was really appreciating as you were talking is that you might be talking about, you know, one of these nerve pathways or something, but in the process of it, you were dropping so many other really important little tips just about sexuality and how to make love and men and women in there.

Because how can you not when trying to describe the best way to approach these things, a lot of times when I have guests, I like to kind of pause and, you know, kind of point those out, so that people really like it really sinks into there were just too many of them, like, I can’t stop you everything that you say, Yeah, I tend to go, no, no. But it was, it was great. It was absolutely great. I really appreciated it, because so many of those things that you shared are things that I share all the time on this show, and I love when my guests come on and say the same thing. Because my primary goal with this really is education and it’s repetition, the more experts come on and keep like it doesn’t become so hard anymore to try to drill this into people’s heads, because they keep hearing it, hearing it, hearing it. So I really appreciated that.

Leah Piper 1:16:12
Wonderful. I’m really happy to hear that.

Kevin Anthony 1:16:14
So go ahead and tell the audience where they can find more about you, your work, the course that you have, that specifically around these four pathways, and anything else you want to share?

Leah Piper 1:16:23
Sure, okay, so you can find me at moreloveworks.com, that’s my website. And if you go to more love works forward slash unlock her pleasure, is where you can learn more about this particular type of information, how to open up the G-spot, these four different nerve pathways, different techniques, and ways of being to really open up a woman’s system. And I have a free gift for your audience. If you go to the website and you click on free gift, you can get a video tutorial on how to never miss another clitoral orgasm again, because, as we said in the beginning of this interview, Female Orgasms can feel very elusive, oftentimes, the clitoral orgasm, because if you’re like me, you’ve had those experiences where you’ve gotten so close, you’re so close, you’re almost through the door, you’re almost through the door, you’re almost through the door, and then bam, Buck, where did it go? It just short-circuited. It like disappears. And It’s so disappointing when you’re so close. And I’ve discovered the mistake that women have been making since the beginning of time across the globe, of why they short-circuit that clitoral orgasm. And I want you to learn about this very easy technique to correct, and then I want you to share it with everyone you know, because I want to get rid of the elusive clitoral orgasm once and for all. And it’s totally free.

Kevin Anthony 1:17:41
Hallelujah. Let’s get rid of that.

Leah Piper 1:17:44
And you can also buy the website or go to the podcast, sex reimagined.com. We’re also on all the streaming channels, myself and Dr Willa Brown, she’s the Taoist expert of Taoist sexuality for the show, and I’m the tantra expert. And then we bring all sorts of other experts, researchers, doctors, gurus, and just people who’ve had extraordinary experiences in the world of sex to reimagine what’s possible. Kevin, we would love to have you on the show. So hopefully he’ll say yes to that invitation, and we’ll be able to highlight him, and you guys can check both of us out there.

Kevin Anthony 1:18:17
I would love to come on your show. I really enjoyed this conversation, and I would love to have more of it, whether it’s on your show, my show, in the future, or both, who knows?

Leah Piper 1:18:27
But it was really great. Great. Yeah, thanks for having me.

Kevin Anthony 1:18:31
All the links for everything that she shared will be in the show notes, so go check that out. And just one last time, I’d like to thank you for coming on the show and sharing your knowledge and wisdom. Yeah, you bet All right, everybody, that’s all the time. And then some that I have for this episode, and I’ll see you next week.

I hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave me a review and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!