Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, the place to be for honest and real talk about relationships and sex, whether you’re a man or a woman, single or a couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to help you have the relationship of your dreams and the best sex of your life.

All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 340 and it is titled, How to deal with rejection and rupture moments. So we’re covering sort of two different things, although they are similar in nature. So the first thing we’re going to be talking about is rejection and rejection really is a part of dating. But what I find interesting is, and this is something I’m really interested in asking my guest about, too, to see if he’s seen a difference in this.

But one of the things that I have seen is different is that I find men are much more afraid of rejection today than they used to be, you know, back when I was young, and, you know, in the, you know, early dating years, like I can remember my friends, it was like they would just go up to as many women as they had the opportunity and just ask them out. And if they said no, they moved on to the next one. And I know that there are still some men out there that do that, but one of the things I’m starting to see is because I see to my coaching clients, you know, men who are struggling in dating, and when you really talk to them about how they go through the dating process, you find that they are massively intimidated to actually go up and talk to women. They fear rejection.

So there’s something that has shifted there. And now, aside from whatever has shifted there, what we really want to talk about is, how do you deal with rejection, and is it possible that you could potentially learn something from rejection? So we’re going to cover that. We’re also going to talk about rupture moments. What is a rupture moment? And how can that potentially help us? How can that potentially deepen our relationships? And so we’ll dive into all of those things with my guest.

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Okay, my guest today is Danny Salinas. Danny is a relationship coach and men’s work facilitator dedicated to helping high-achieving men and women create fulfilling partnerships full of ease and intimacy, certified in integrated attachment theory and having personally overcome an anxious, avoidant attachment style, Danny blends first-hand experience with research-backed healing methods to help couples resolve conflict and connect deeper than ever before. Welcome to the show, Danny.

Danny Salinas 3:35
Thank you, Kevin. Really appreciate you having me on, and I’m excited to get into it.

Kevin Anthony 3:39
All right. Well, let’s just dive right in. Let’s start by defining rejection in the context of dating and relationships. So let’s talk a little bit. Just explain to the audience a little bit, what are we talking about when we say rejection?

Danny Salinas 3:57
Yeah, that’s a really great question, because honestly, rejection is just a word, and it manifests more so as a feeling of inadequacy in a man that’s really what it is. And like a man can sort of take something that a woman does and perceive it as a rejection, even if it wasn’t intended as one, right? Also, a man can take a seemingly obvious rejection and not actually feel a whole lot of inadequacy in his body, and thus not actually feel rejected. So this is really important because, yeah, like, that’s just a word, but it’s to define it. So we can kind of get, you know, on, on, so we can sort of link up on, like, what we’re trying to say when we actually use that word, let’s just say that a man has a particular motive or intention and a woman is not open to that particular motive or intention that could be considered. Let’s say a rejection.

Kevin Anthony 4:56
Yeah. And so one of the things I wanted to sort of I. Uh, mention or sort of clear up is, because when we think of rejection, we totally think of it as being in the dating space. You ask a woman out, or you, you know, whatever, you approach a woman and she says no, in some way, okay, that is a form of rejection. But the way that you defined it opens up a much larger definition, right? Because you could be in a relationship. She’s not rejecting you in the sense that she doesn’t want to go out with you because you’re in a relationship. But maybe you’re making a request for something, and that could be a request for sex, that could be a request for having a conversation about something. Maybe that’s difficult, right, where you could feel that sense of rejection because your partner isn’t saying yes to whatever that request is that you have.

Danny Salinas 5:47
Exactly, exactly, and so, yeah, like the more, broader definition, because it definitely applies to not just the dating space, but definitely in the relationship space. And I think it’s helpful for guys to recognize that, oh, that is what’s coming up for me. That is what I’m feeling and experiencing in my body. Is a form of rejection in my partnership. And that may not be the first thing that guys oftentimes jump to because they’re like, Oh, I already have her. You know, I’m already in this relationship. So, but rejection can you can experience rejection in these subtle ways that have nothing to do with her, rejecting you as like her partner, but rejecting may be an aspect of you, a part of you, an aspect of your character, a certain desire or fantasy that you might have, right?

And so oftentimes, what I see, and maybe we’re getting a little ahead, but I’ll just kind of tease it a little bit, is that because guys have this fear of rejection, that they will be rejected, right? Is that then they actually keep what they’re actually feeling and thinking and desiring inside, they don’t express it radically honestly, and that causes resentment in them to build, which then creates a chasm and the connection.

Kevin Anthony 6:55
Yeah, absolutely. And I like that you gave some specific examples, because, like, I started to say, people think of rejection as okay, I approached a woman and she said no, or in the context of a relationship, I asked her for sex and she said, No. Like, those are easy to understand. They’re they’re sort of in your face, right? Everybody’s experienced them at some point. Like, it’s easy to understand, but some of the other examples you gave are not quite as easy to understand, like, you know, you said, maybe she’s not rejecting you as a whole, but she’s rejecting an aspect of you, which might be you know, one of the ways that you show up as a man, she’s rejecting in some subtle way, right? That maybe isn’t quite as obvious, and maybe you as a man don’t actually identify as rejection. But as you also clearly stated, is those things can lead to built-up resentments over time, even though you as a man may or may not be aware that they’re there.

Danny Salinas 7:55
Yes, exactly. And I you know, if we want to maybe dive into and share other examples. I’m happy to do that as well. So we can make it maybe a little bit more practical in all the subtle ways that that shows up. Or, you know, we can just move on, I guess.

Kevin Anthony 8:09
Well, let’s do that. Let’s make it a little bit more practical. Let’s, let’s give at least one good example of a subtle way in which rejection shows up in a relationship.

Danny Salinas 8:19
Yeah. So, I mean, even just something as simple as, like, want, like, picking the restaurant to go eat at, or watching a show, like a movie, like for the night, Netflix and chillin’, you know, or, you know, so, like, those are two, I think, really relatable things. And, you know, you can kind of fall into the trap on either end of the spectrum, right? You can fall into the trap of and they sort of are intertwined. So I’ll explain it. It’s like if you want to watch a particular movie, and then you know that your partner is not going to want to watch it, or you’re afraid that your partner is not going to want to watch it, or the same thing with like, you want to go to a particular kind of restaurant, but you’re afraid that your partner’s not going to want to eat there, then you might actually just not even express it. And you and I do see guys fall into this pattern where it’s just like they start to accommodate, and just it’s sort of like, what do you want to eat, right?

And like, Where’s that coming from? Like, in this subtle way, it actually comes from a fear of rejection, and it also kind of can come from a disconnection of your own needs, right, not even knowing what is that you really want. Because you’ve just learned to sort of mold yourself to what your partner wants, what she wants, right? And I think there is such a thing as, like, masculine containment, right, and attuning yourself to the feminine energy, and like, providing and protecting and all of that. But there’s also something to be said for the other side of the masculine energy, like the one who knows, like, what, what I want, and I’m gonna go after it, right? And so it could be something as simple as, instead of saying, like, Hey, baby, Where do you want to eat tonight, right? Because then you’re putting the responsibility on her, is saying like, hey, you know what? I’m feeling this, I would love to get this. Like, do you want to join me? Right?

And that’s a completely different sort of approach used to. Giving her the option to you’re not saying like, Hey, we’re gonna eat this, but you’re saying, like, I’m being I’m the one who’s expressing a vulnerability by putting my desire out there, right and saying, This is what I want, right? And too I think too often we don’t do that, either because, again, we’re afraid that we’re gonna get rejected or maybe be judged even, which is another thing that I would like to talk about at some point, which is, like, the rejection. Sometimes what I find in my work is that there is a rejection, but there’s also this other kind of core wound that comes up of, like, I am bad, or I will be bad, right? And that’s like, kind of connected to the judgment part. So it’s either that, or there’s just the simple fact that I don’t even know what I want, because I don’t even, like, I don’t even go in and check and feel into it, like, what do I want to eat? What do I want to watch? Right?

Kevin Anthony 10:46
Yeah, those were all great. And then I love that you brought up that example because it’s one I use all the time. I usually use that example in the context of, like, trying to help men understand what it means to have sort of a strong masculine container, like you were saying earlier, which is that you know, rather than going through the whole Well, whatever you want, you know, well, just, just tell me, you know, like that sort of thing you know, which most of the time, women don’t, I shouldn’t say most of the time, often, women don’t actually know what they want, right?

And so they’re hoping that you’ll provide some guidance. It doesn’t mean that they necessarily are going to say yes to everything that you say, but I can’t tell you how many times, you know, a woman has said, well, like, just, just give me some options, because I don’t even know what I want, right? You know? So I’m often using that example in that context of you as the man needing to show up and provide some containers and say, Okay, I have an idea. How about we do this? Right? And that’s kind of similar to what you’re saying. What I like also is you gave a little bit more nuance to it by saying that there could be multiple reasons why he’s not doing that. One is, that he might not know for himself what he actually wants. One, he might be afraid of rejection. And two, he might somehow think that, you know, she would think he’s bad in some way.

And so that’s really interesting, because, you know, that’s showing that there’s some self-worth stuff there, potentially for the man to look at. It’s like, well, one, why don’t you know what you want? Why didn’t you figure out what you wanted before you asked her? Why are you afraid that she’s somehow gonna think that you’re bad, simply because you made a suggestion, right? This is where, like, some of that, you know, kind of BS, toxic masculinity stuff comes in, where it’s like, if I say, this is, you know, what we should do, somehow I’m being the toxic masculine, right? And so they want to avoid that. So then they get into this pattern of not actually stepping up and not making suggestions, which then, yeah, you know, winds up being a negative feedback loop, because that annoys the crap out of her.

So, yeah, it’s really interesting because it’s such a simple example, and yet there’s a lot of nuance to it, and there’s a lot of things that could potentially be going wrong in something as simple as a communication about what you know, where you’re gonna go eat, so simple example, but great in illustrating, you know, the types of things that can happen. So you can take that example that you just gave and you can apply it to, you know, a myriad of potential interactions that you would have with your partner that could end up going in similar ways.

Danny Salinas 13:21
Absolutely. And you know something that’s coming to mind, as far as, like, a little action step or something, a very practical exercise that I’ve done with myself in order to kind of help flex my sort of decision-making muscles, right, and also to work through that feeling of like, oh, maybe I made a wrong just decision, and wrong choice, or something right, and which is connected back to that, like I’m bad like I made a bad decision, and thus I’m bad because, you know, yes, bringing it up is, like a little mild form of that, like, oh, maybe I bring it up and maybe she doesn’t want it, and I’m gonna feel like judged because of it. Or what, from my experience, has been more relevant is like, we actually do go to this restaurant. It’s a new restaurant. I suggested it, and then it’s like, well, what if the food is bad, and what if, like, the service is bad, what if she doesn’t like it?

And then I’m like, oh, like, I made that decision, and kind of sitting with that feeling of guilt, like, oh, I made a poor decision. And, you know, I know for me, what was helpful to step into my own masculinity is to, like, really practice just owning our decisions and, like, being sort of detached from the outcome, and just owning it and not apologizing for something. Because it’s like, I that’s, that’s sort of like the risk of leadership, right? Is that that is what leadership is? You are the one who is, who’s going venturing into the unknown. So you can’t know that’s a feature of leadership, right? You can’t know otherwise it’s not leading, right? Like, so there’s an element of risk there, and that’s okay, that’s a that’s a feature of leadership, not a bug. And the more we can practice sitting in that tension and discomfort of, like, Okay, I made a decision. I’m gonna own. It is 100% like, and just whatever the consequences are, I am gonna own my decision and not betray myself and go back and backpedal and be like, Oh, I shouldn’t have, you know.

And sure, like, there’s things to be said for like, receiving feedback and course correcting our behavior, for sure. But in this kind of context, it’s not about the behavior, it’s about the decision, right? And so those are two different things, so there’s nuance there, but that’s an easy one. And then, like, another easy one is even when you’re at the restaurant. This is something that I try, and it’s so funny because I definitely experience discomfort. It’s like just opening the menu and giving yourself one minute, like literally putting a timer and putting one minute to decide what you’re going to eat. And you just like, boom, decide to close it, put it away, and just sit in that decision of, like, owning this, right? That’s a good way to practice, like, getting more comfortable with this leadership.

Kevin Anthony 15:49
Yeah, that’s great. And I completely agree, as a man, you really do need to own the decisions that you make. It is super important, even when they turn out to be shit, right? But here’s the thing. Here’s the thing, if you’ve done your due diligence ahead of time, right, it’s way easier to actually own that decision. So if we, if we take our example of, you know, deciding what restaurant to go to, you know, yeah, I heard there was a new restaurant, but to me, that doesn’t mean anything. Like, did somebody I trust actually give it a good recommendation and recommend that I should go there? Did I take five minutes or less to grab my phone and go look it up on the internet and read a couple of reviews? Did I look at the menu because I know that my woman has special dietary needs, and I want to make sure that they got something gluten-free or vegetarian or dairy free, or whatever it is that she needs, right?

If I’ve done that due diligence. And then I make a decision, and then we get there, and it turns out to not be good, or they were out of the thing they said they had on their menu that she wanted to eat, right? It’s so much easier for me to own that decision, because I said I did my best, right? I gave it, I gave it my all. I did the research, I asked around, I got on the internet like I thought this was a good decision, and it didn’t work out. Okay, I own it, right? So I agree with you, yes, owning it is absolutely important, and for the men who are afraid to really own their decisions, do your due diligence so that you can say, I did my best. And when once you’ve been able to do that, it’s so much easier to own your decision. Now, of course, if you’re if your best was really just like, really wholly inadequate, then you might want to look at, you know, okay, you got some more work to do here in order.

Because, you know, maybe your best was, you saw it on social media, and that was really the best that you came up with for trying to figure out whether or not it was a good place. Okay, there’s, there’s room for improvement there. But in general, if you’ve done your best, then you know you can own that decision easier. You know this is where the conversation is going. Now was really taking me straight to my next question, which was, we’re talking about rejection. We kind of covered what rejection is. We’ve given some good examples to make it more real. And then, of course, the thing is, what can we learn from rejection? And so we started to talk about this a little bit, right? We started talking about some of the things that we could learn from it. But I’m wondering if you could talk a little bit more about that, what types of things might a man learn by going through either rejection in dating or rejection in their relationship?

Danny Salinas 18:39
Yeah. Yeah. So I’m very passionate about this topic, just to give the audience a little context as to where I’m coming from. So like, I, you know, I, I’m also a Conscious Dating Coach. I’m not just a relationship coach, and that’s kind of where I’ve actually spent even more time focused on myself as well. And so one of the things that to me, because I’m so interested in personal growth, kind of a personal development junkie, I wanted to get good at, like, cold approaching women I wanted to like, not because I necessarily even wanted to date them, but just because I knew I had this fear, and I just wanted to conquer it, like, I wanted to figure out how to actually do that, and then still, like, retain my own sense of, like, intrinsic self-worth, and so that right there is one of the things that you can develop, like, sure, in this extreme, harsh environment of cold approaching, but also just in the little, the little moments of rejection that can occur, or big moments of rejection that can occur in a relationship is like, Okay, how much am I putting my own value and sense of self-worth into, like, validation, external validation from this person, even if that’s your partner and somebody that you love, like they’re, you know, I’m not saying to complete.

Completely disregard external validation, because I think it’s important. It’s like, feedback, right? It gives you feedback, and this is how you can course correct. But I think when we value external validation over our internal validation, that’s when there are problems. So, like, it’s okay to still want and be motivated by external validation. We all want to be appreciated. We all want to be acknowledged, and it feels good when our women, our partners can validate us, right? That, right? We feel good. But if, like, if that’s the only reason or driving force behind what we’re doing, right, then, then there’s an insecurity inside. So through rejection. In those moments of rejection, are these beautiful opportunities to kind of check in, to sit with the tension in your body.

Again, it’s I don’t I really want to emphasize going into the body, because that’s really where all the work is done. It’s not in the in the mind. It’s not like in this rational thing. It’s like feeling into the feeling of rejection, right? What does rejection feel like in your body? In particular, there are certain sensations associated with that. And not just going in and not just going in and saying, Oh yeah, I’m feeling rejection. But how do you know you’re feeling rejected? What does that feel like? So for example, for me, there could be a feeling, like a warm, kind of uncomfortable, blanket being draped over my shoulders that makes me feel kind of like small and heavy, and it’s not a comfortable feeling. There are like, prickly pins on my back. I know those feelings are associated more with like a shame for me, which is tied into the feeling of embarrassment and tied into this feeling of being rejected and inadequate, right?

So that’s just an example. So by tapping into our bodies, then we really get the opportunity to First sit with it, because that’s the first step, and then to like to learn to accept it, and then from that space, once you get comfortable, once you stop fearing the feeling of rejection, then you’re free, right? You’re liberated, because now you know you trust yourself to be able to house and contain this emotion within your body and not be overwhelmed by it, and that just creates a huge amount of internal confidence. That’s the self-worth thing that we’re talking about and an outcome of independence, right? And so I’ll say the last little piece about the outcome independence part. I totally agree with you. I like you, especially if your partner has dietary needs. Do your due diligence ahead of time and plan and do as best as you can. I also think it’s important to allow for an element of spontaneity in relationships.

Otherwise, everything is just planned and structured and like, there’s no fun, there’s no like, mystery and like, I think that’s an important part of it as well, and so balance it out both, obviously, maybe 80, 90% of the time you’re planning and creating this space. But then there’s also the and you don’t have to necessarily go to a restaurant, a random restaurant, as your thing of spontaneity, but even within the restaurant that you’ve consciously chosen, you know, you might risk, let me try a little meal here, you know, like, let me just do this and inject this sort of spontaneity. And that’s what helps you also develop this outcome independence because you put yourself in that situation of like, I don’t know what the outcome is going to be. Sit in that tension. Can you feel it into your body? What does it feel like to feel uncertain, right? And there’s also an element of fun there too. So without going too far, I would say, just to recap, it’s like the intrinsic sense of self-worth and outcome independence are the two biggest things that you can benefit and gain from working through rejection moments.

Kevin Anthony 23:28
Yeah, and those two things are huge. They’re absolutely huge. And not only are they going to help you, you know, in potentially future rejection moments, but they’re going to help you throughout pretty much your entire life. If you can master those skills, you can take them anywhere. You can take them into the workforce. You can take them into your you know, obviously relationships like anything right that, that self-confidence and letting go of being attached to the outcome of certain things, those, those are huge skills to learn. So I think, you know, people tend to look at rejection is a bad thing, but if that helps you learn these two skills, then it’s amazing, right?

So that, of course, begs the question of, how then does one do this? Right? So because basically what we’re saying here is, it’s an inside job, right? This is not new news. This comes up all the time. It’s like, wow, you want to get really good at dealing with rejection. You got to, you know, up your self-worth. You got to do the inner work, right? So the same with so many things in life, it’s an inside job. But then the question is, how does one do that? So I’m wondering, I’m assuming you work with men in helping them do this. What kind of tools and what kind of processes and things would you do to help a man establish more of that self-worth, detaching from the outcome that sort of thing?

Danny Salinas 24:55
Yeah, I love this question, man. Thank you for asking it, and I’m really excited to share because I created, like, a little frame. Work. I love creating little fun frameworks that we can just sort of apply little tools, little methods, right? And so I call it the brave method. I spell it, b, r, a, i, v, e. So the only difference is, there’s an i in there, and it’s just an acronym, right? For these different words, different steps of the process. And it’s really, really simple, right? But before I even go into explaining what each of them is just for the listener, just understand that there’s nothing like crazy. There’s nothing magical here. This is not like a revolutionary tool I’m about to share with you. It’s a very, very basic stuff. But like those, that’s where the juice is. It’s just actually doing it, right, actually applying it. That’s off 90 90% of things. It’s not that we need more information. It’s just we need to embody, we need to embody the information that we already have up here, right?

And so, you know, these are very basic things. So brave. What it stands for is, I’ll just go through is, breathe, recognize, allow, right, investigate, validate, and then express. So if you’re cool, I’ll just go really quickly through those and express what those mean. So obviously, breathing is really simple. So the first second you cat, you have to catch it right. This is why, like, emotional awareness is so important, because you need to know when you got triggered, and what was the exact thing that happened, especially if you can catch it in the moment. Like, let’s say you say something your partner just is like, well, whatever kind of feels like, kind of dismissed or rejected, right? You feel something like that heat in your chest or whatever, and it’s the first thing is just breathe. Like, just ground yourself a little bit, right? You want to contain that emotion. Like, okay, breathe and then recognize, what is it that I’m actually feeling? That’s the R right? Recognize, okay, that’s where you go in. You start to figure it out. Like, oh, I’m feeling this. I’m feeling that. Like, what is that come what’s coming up for me? And then you say, Oh, I’m feeling kind of rejected right now.

Okay, can I now just allow that without trying to change anything? Right? Because too many guys I know you, I’m sure, like you relate to this is, like, so many guys just want to fix it. And it’s beautiful that’s a beautiful thing that we have, like, that’s a gift that guys have, is we have this incredibly practical, rational, analytical mind that wants to fix things. And, like, I don’t want to take that away from anybody. The thing is, there’s an order of operations, and if you skip over the feeling part if you skip over this critical allowing in your body, then you actually, like, are sidestepping the growth, right? And this is why you could go and approach a lot of guys, they will go like, in the dating space, let’s say you go and approach a woman. They get rejected. They actually get worse. They don’t get better. They because they’re not actually going in and feeling it and allowing it and working through it and extracting the gold and the wisdom and then up leveling instead, they don’t know how to do that. So then they try to fix the problem. And then they’re like, well, fixing it is either not approaching anymore, or developing this huge armor so that, like, I don’t care, and I’m not now, I’m aloof and everything, right?

So these coping mechanisms, in order to try to fix the problem, right? You got to feel it first. So breathe, recognize, allow, just allow the sensations to be there without trying to change them. Then investigate once you kind of allow them. You’re like, Okay, this is uncomfortable. I’m feeling this tension, whatever it is, whether it’s rejection, guilt, shame, I’m allowing it to be there as contained. Now investigate. And so this is where you you ask, literally, the part of you that is feeling that, what do you need me to know? Right? What’s what’s important for me to know about the situation? What would you have me do right now? Right? What do you need from me? These are incredibly important questions, very simple, but just asking that and then listening to yourself, to those parts of you as they’re starting to share. Well, you know, the thing is, like she rejected us, and like that means she doesn’t care about us, and now, like we’re disrespected, and like, you got to go and say something to her, right? And then so you just listen to that doesn’t mean you do it right, but you just listen. And this is where you go into the next step, which is the V, right?

The validating. Now, you don’t have to agree with what’s coming up for you, but you do have to validate it, just like you don’t have to agree with your child, like with what their fears are. If they have a fear that there’s a monster under the bed, you don’t have to agree with it. But if you tell them there’s no monster under your bed, you’re dismissing their emotions. You’re dismissing their experience. You’re not empathizing with it. So you have to validate and say, I can understand why you would feel like there’s a monster in the bed. Sweet, and if, if I thought there was a monster under my bed, I would also feel scared, right? That’s validation. You’re not saying there is a monster under your bed. You’re also not saying there’s not and the same thing you go in, you’re checking you’re in that investigative state. This comes up. It says, Hey, like, you feel rejected and you’re disrespected. Now you got to go retaliate, or whatever it is, right? Okay? Like, I can understand. You feel that way, right? Like, if I got rejected, if I felt disrespected like that by somebody that I love, of course, we’re gonna feel that way, right?

That’s okay to feel that way. And as soon as you start to do that, as soon as you start to validate what happens to like, use a child as an example, they’re like, pulling out your pant legs, like, Mommy, mommy, or daddy, daddy. And you’re just like, hold on, hold on hold on right? And they’re gonna get louder and louder and louder and louder until you acknowledge them. And he’s like, What? Like, there’s a monster, my baby. Like, Oh, sweetie, I’m so sorry. Like, you know, you validate. Then they relax because they feel seen, they feel heard. It’s the same exact thing with ourselves and our own emotions. So we’re feeling this feeling of rejection, I’m not good enough, we’re disrespected, and then you just sit with it, oh yeah, that’s okay, though we’re allowed to feel rejected. We’re allowed to feel not good enough like that’s okay, and I understand why it would feel so hard, but I’m here for myself, and all of a sudden those inner, inner children start to feel heard, that emotion starts to relax because all the only reason it’s coming up is to try to get your attention so you can acknowledge it. Once you acknowledge it, because it has information for you. Once you receive that information, it doesn’t need to be there anymore. It doesn’t need to be as loud.

And then finally, the Express. Step right with this, validate, and express. Now it’s like, what do I actually do about this? Right? I may need to express this actually to my partner, and so the best way to do this is not to retaliate. Is to express your emotions, actually, let her know what you’re feeling, let her into your inner world. This creates, this is vulnerable to do, but this is also what the masculine leader does, right? This is what creates actual safety because now she’s connected to you. And so, hey baby, you know what? I was sitting with it and like that comment that you made, actually, I was feeling rejected. My body. Make sure you keep it on yourself and not say you rejected me, because that’s a projection. Like no. What happened is I felt rejected when you said that, and I understand that may not have been your intention, but that’s how I felt. And I was wondering if we could, kind of like, work through it together to figure out what we could out what we could do differently next time, right?

You’re expressing it now, you’ve received the wisdom something about that didn’t feel good. You don’t have to have all the answers, but just bring it up, share your piece of it vulnerably, and invite her into a conversation about it, and you guys can figure out what happened. And then you get the opportunity for her to get to know you better. And she’s like, Oh, I didn’t realize that. When I say that one thing, it really triggers you. I’m sorry, baby. Like, I didn’t mean to do that. And you feel heard. There’s a resolution to what actually happened, and now she’ll be more mindful of not saying those things in the future. Yeah, that’s all I can say.

Kevin Anthony 32:38
Well, you said a lot, and you know, the framework is great, and what I love about it is anybody who’s listening right now can literally take that framework that you just said and use it right away. That’s one of the things I love to do in this show, is to give people tools that they can take away from it, so that they didn’t just listen to it and go, Oh, that’s great, but it’s gonna take me, you know, 10 years of therapy, to be able to do that right like, that’s something they could do right now. Now, obviously portions of that can be challenging, especially depending on the situation in which you’re applying it to. So it might still be very helpful to work with somebody like yourself in order to, you know, go through that process,, but what you gave them already was very, very valuable. So I want to thank you for that.

Danny Salinas 33:23
Yeah, thank you for giving me the space and for the listener. I know that could be a lot to swallow all at one time as well, you know. But even if you did a few of those steps, like the ones that really stuck out to you, if you just implement that like, you’re still going to get, like, 1% better, right? So don’t feel like you need to do every single step exactly the same order and everything, just trust yourself as well.

Kevin Anthony 33:45
Yeah, absolutely. I want to move on in just a moment to the rupture moments. But I’m curious, is there anything else that you want to share with the audience when it comes to rejection before we move on?

Danny Salinas 33:59
I just want to share, like, a quick little story for me personally, of a rejection moment that was a big, powerful shift for me, and me applying, like, where this brave method came from. I’ll keep it as concise as possible. I was just at this at the show, and there was, like, this really cute girl that I saw. This was when I was, like, single in my days, and I was like, still into that cold approaching thing. And so like, I saw this girl, I like, go up to her, you know, we’re talking but then there was this big commotion that happened, and we kind of got, like, separated. And I was like, Oh, I saw her at the other end of the room. And I was like, I’ll approach her later. It’s kind of just like we got interrupted, whatever. But then literally, like, a minute later, I see her, like, walking towards the exit door, and she had to pass right by me to go to the exit door. And I was like, oh, man, she’s about to leave. Like, I saw her saying bye to her friends and stuff. And I was like, it’s now or never.

So as she’s passing, I’m just like, it was, like, a very spontaneous thing. I’m like, hey. And I had, like, nothing to say. I had no line. I was just like. I was like, Would you want. Go out sometime, and she, like, literally, like, kind of like, looks me up and down, and was just like, I’m gonna say no. And then she just, like, walked out. And I was just like, you know, like, totally just like, shame and guilt and rejection all that stuff. And I was literally, like, in mid-conversation with like, a buddy of mine. And, like, he saw the whole thing too. So it was just like, just like this. And I didn’t even tell him, like, hold on. I literally, like, she was passing by and I just exit, like, completely shifted attention. He was probably like, what the heck, you know? So it was just like this, this moment of a lot of shame. And I had this temptation to leave the venue and go home and just, like, literally, just go by myself. But I was like, this is an opportunity right here.

And so I literally sat down. I found, like, a little quiet spot in the venue, and I sat down, and I just closed my eyes. I put my hand over my heart, another one over my solar plexus, and I just like, I literally did. This was, like the the genesis of the brave method. I just went in, and I was like, what’s coming up right now. And all I heard, I was like, all I felt was like, this, this feeling of shame, that that heavy blanket. I was like, Okay, what do you need me to know? Right? And it was just like, well, like, we’re not good enough, obviously, right? Like, this woman just rejected us and, and that’s when I was like, Yeah, I can totally understand that. This feeling sucks, but I’m here, and I allow it, right? And then I remember at a certain point I was, like, talking to my inner child, and I was just like, you know, like, does this woman even really know us? You know, I just started asking questions. And it was like, well, not really. I’m like, yeah, she kind of only met us for like, a few minutes, right? Like, how deeply do you think she could know us also? It was like, what if she was like, a lesbian? Like, she could have been a lesbian. We have no idea, like, we don’t even know her that well, right?

So I started asking these questions and just kind of challenging the belief that I’m not good enough. And eventually, it started to calm down, but I just was there. For my part. I literally just sat there in a venue like this for like, 10 to 15 minutes, and I was in my own world. And then after just sitting with it, validating it. It just calmed down. And I was like, I opened my eyes, and I was like, Oh, I’m good. And I just, like, got up, started socializing again, and as if it never happened. And, like, that was a turning point where I realized I was like, wow, like this something so powerful here about just sitting with it, and that’s what then I started to actually do more cold approaching, to the point where it just that feeling came up and passed in like a few seconds, and I was able to alchemize that emotion of rejection so quickly.

And every time that I did, I got more and more confident, more and more secure, more and more outcome independent, until I could just approach practically any girl that I wanted to and even if I got rejected, I wouldn’t experience the feeling of rejection, because I was just like, oh, okay, no worries. Have a good one. Take care. Bye. So I just want to share that as a like. I know a lot of the guys might be in relationships, but take that extreme example and apply it to your relationship in something in a moment where you might feel rejected, right? And just make sure that you sit with it and validate yourself through that experience, because it’s, it’s, it’s, you’re worthy of it.

Kevin Anthony 38:08
It’s a great example. And you know, there are a couple of things I wanted to share about that. The first one is, is, if there’s any ladies listening, which normally there are, although our episode today is a little bit more focused on men, but realize the impact that you actually have on men, right? So in other words, like, and this kind of brings me to my second point too, which is, you know, you said, Well, she could have been a lesbian, for all I know, right? Yes, she could have been a lesbian and not into guys. She could have had a boyfriend. She could have been having a bad day like there could have been a million reasons that had nothing to do with you whatsoever. So that’s a valid point to make, right?

But then also, you know, from the ladies’ point of view, like when you respond, think about how you respond. Nobody’s saying that you need to say yes if you don’t want to say yes, but like giving him the stare up and down and like the look and then like no kind of thing instead of no thank you and just walking out the door. I’m not sure women necessarily always understand the impact they have, right? Because in that moment, you know, obviously, if they’re a pickup artist guy, they don’t bat an eye and they’re just like, Okay, next right? The next one. But for somebody who’s being really genuine, right? And somebody who tends to be a bit more sensitive, like, like you said yourself, I wanted to go leave the venue, right?

And you had to go through a process at that point in order to kind of get past it. So I would hope that the ladies listening would understand that, you know, you can have a pretty big impact. And then, of course, on the side of the men, you know, don’t take things so personally, right? Because you have no idea what’s going on on the other end, exactly. But love that a great example. Okay? I need to take a break for my second sponsor. When we come back, I want to talk about rupture moments and what they are, and you know how to deal with them, we might even see that they have some things in common with what we’ve been talking about so far.

Okay, men, are you tired of falling short in the bedroom and in your relationships? Do you want your woman to respect you and crave your cock? Do you want to be the man she secretly brags about to all her friends? What if you could become this man? What if you could not only master your masculine sexuality but also be the dream man who shows up for his woman in all the ways she desires? What if you could become so irresistible that she becomes addicted to you? If you are ready to become that man, then go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/men/. That is https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/men/. That is obviously a link to my Men’s coaching program. We work on all kinds of stuff. If you’ve listened to this show for any length of time, you have a pretty good idea of what we will cover in that coaching program.

All right, so let’s move on to what we call rupture moments. So can you explain to the listeners what a rupture moment is?

Danny Salinas 41:18
Yeah, so this is like, not from Webster’s Dictionary. This is my own personal definition of it. I like to keep the definition somewhat general, but then go into the nuances, I would just list the rupture moment as any moment, whether small or big, of like moment of disconnection or disharmony that occurs in your relationship with your partner or with anybody, right? Like a family from a friend, that can happen with any relationship. And I you know, Gabor Mate uses like capital T trauma for like those big events you know, that happen in our in our childhood, like divorce or war or rape, you know. But then there’s also little T trauma, which are the good things that should have happened for us but didn’t. And so those oftentimes don’t get seen as trauma, but they actually do cause trauma, but it’s those little T traumas.

And so in a similar way, we have like big R rupture moments, like cheating, divorce, things of that nature. But you know, we also have little art rupture moments where it could be just a simple moment of like, again, the back to the rejection, feeling rejected, and there’s a disconnect there. Now, right? Or feeling judged, right? There’s a disconnect or a lack of trust. Like, maybe your partner said they were gonna do something, but they didn’t do it. And now, even if they didn’t mean it, and now there’s a disconnect. Or another example is, maybe they forget a really important birthday or anniversary, and then that just felt like a big betrayal to you. You felt like you didn’t care. And so there’s this, like, just disconnect. So in that moment of disconnect or disharmony, that’s where the opportunity is.

Kevin Anthony 42:58
Absolutely. And you did a perfect job of tying these two topics together, which is that a rupture moment could be a rejection, right? It could be a lot of other things, but it could also be a rejection. So all that stuff that we were talking about earlier in the show about rejection, you know, one of those moments could create a rupture moment, which is a moment where we have this disconnect with our partner. I think most people listening to the show can understand what we mean when we say we have this moment of disconnect. I’m wondering, though, kind of like you did with the rejection. Maybe some examples of, like, what? What kinds of smaller T, types of rupture moments might one experience in their relationship?

Danny Salinas 43:55
Hmm, yeah. So I think this is a good moment to before diving into the examples is to maybe outline a little bit of like, I guess I’ll speak from my experiences that a rupture moment can definitely occur, because like you as the man, feels like you know Something happened, and now you’re you’re pulling and disconnected. Obviously it can happen if, like the woman is feeling disconnected, if, for me personally, based on my attachment style, which is I lean a little bit like in the past, let’s say I’d like to think I’m secure now, but like in the past, and if I’m not careful, the tendencies that will come up is that I lean a little bit more dismissive, right?

Avoidant. Dismissive avoidant. And so because of that, oftentimes I feel like, Oh, I’m connected. Everything’s fine, but she’s not feeling connected, right? So I think this is important to recognize, because whereas, like in the rejection example, it’s very much about our experience in a rupture moment, like especially those little T ruptures little sorry, little r ruptures, right? Yeah, it can very much be about her experience. And so now there’s, like, a slight shift in the role. But what’s interesting is actually the brave method. You can actually still apply that, but you just apply it to the woman now, or you just apply it to your partner, and it’s the exact same thing. You’re just doing it for her inner child now, instead of your inner child, right?

And so I just want to lay it out as like, some context, so some common like rupture moments that happen in my relationship, right? And my partner, she again, I would say, like she’s secure, but in our weakest moments, her tendencies lean a little bit more anxious. And so moments, where she feels disconnected like it’s like a little rupture moment, is like, if I forget to text her, like, on a particular day, or I don’t text her, I don’t send her, like, a good morning text, or if, like, I go all day and I haven’t even messaged her or called her and I’m just, like, working all day, or whatever, you know, I’m really in the zone that, to her is a big feeling of disconnect, even though I personally don’t feel disconnected for her, that’s like a rupture moment. And so you can experience a rupture moment, because it takes two to tango, right? You could be dancing and be like, Oh, I’m perfectly over here dancing but it’s like your partner is not following you, or she’s like, disconnected, then like you’re not actually dancing, right? And so that’s still a rupture moment, even if you might not feel it in yourself, and it’s still your responsibility to get her to feel connected to you, even if you feel connected to her. So let me pause there and see where you want to, kind of like, take that.

Kevin Anthony 46:33
Yeah, I think that’s good. The main thing that I really wanted people to understand was that you did such a good job of explaining, like, the word rupture kind of sounds big, right? So this is like the big R’s versus the little R’s. I wanted people to understand that rupture moments could be smaller things too. In fact, the smaller rupture moments are probably much more common than the bigger rupture moments. And that was really kind of the main point, and that’s why, like, giving some examples of, like, how this sort of plays out in people’s relationships. So because, you know, sometimes if we didn’t explain that, somebody might say, oh, yeah, we don’t have those. That’s fine, right? Because, you know, we didn’t have some major, you know, we almost broke up kind of moment, right? But there may be a whole bunch of other smaller things that are being overlooked because you’re not maybe recognizing them for what they are,

Danny Salinas 47:29
yeah? So, yeah, I’m happy to list more. So, I mean, that’s one of them right there. What I mentioned about, like, you know, some like, a partner, not messaging, not not like, for example, where this is the root of for my partner, it’s important for her to know that I’m thinking about her when I’m not with her, and the way that she knows that is when I tell her, Hey, I’m thinking about you, hey, like, how’s your day going? Right? Even though, for me, like, it’s not as important, right? So those are, like, that’s like, a little r rupture moment that happens, and if I’m not on top of, like, making sure that I’m messaging her right, and doesn’t mean I have to, like, go completely out of my way, and now I’m obligated to do this thing, just means I want to do that thing because, like, I want my partner to feel connected to me. So that’s like a moment right, where it’s very easy to send a message like, Hey, I got home safe.

But, or whatever the case may be, another thing would be like, this is another common one, which is like, not standing up for your partner right in the face of somebody else, or playing devil’s advocate, right? Like to your partner right when it’s like they need your support in that moment, even if you don’t agree with them, even like, there’s this goes back to the like, not jumping to the fixing it piece. It’s like you can, you can talk to your partner about, maybe where they are not having an open mind about their own behavior, or reflecting deeply enough, or whatever, but in the moment when they’re upset when somebody says something to them, whether it’s their parents, like, if you’re going to Christmas or, like, Thanksgiving, and then your own parents, and somebody says something, and then you’re like, you laugh at that, or you like, kind of like, Oh, she didn’t mean it like that. Like, you know, if, like your mother said something to her, like, those are little moments of disconnection, right?

Those little rupture moments where, like, she feels disconnected because she wanted you to stand up for her, or she wanted you to, at least, like, support her and encourage her and recognize that validate her. That’s really what she wanted, is the validation, right? Which back to the brave method. So it’s like two examples. I’m happy to list more. I’m also happy to hear any examples that you’ve seen. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 49:23
I mean, I think that’s good. I think that does a pretty good job of explaining to people, you know, what they are. Again, the main point I just wanted them to understand, you know, is how these things show up in relationships because they’re not always so easy to recognize. This, of course, takes us to the next step, and you mentioned that you know the brave framework will work here, but let’s just say you’re in that situation and you notice that she’s feeling disconnected. What are some ways that you can reconnect and create that sense of connection? Maybe that’s missing in that moment.

Danny Salinas 50:01
Yeah, so, you know, it’s funny, because actually created another framework specifically for the other way around. I said you can apply a brave method and you can and that’ll still work, but there’s one that’s a little bit more like, focused on that and like, I’m not going to go into it as deeply, because now you guys already understand the brave method and it’s similar. So I’ll just go quickly through it. So I call it the silver tongue technique, because really it’s like if you can learn how to do this, like, you can really help to reconnect your woman, like, lead her and guide her back into her heart, and that you yourself back into your heart as well. And you can really lead the relationship back into that connection, back into that place of harmony, right? And that’s where, that’s the repair, right?

So I’m from rupture to repair, and every time you do that, and if you have, if you like, master this framework, and you can do this consistently, every single time you do that, you’re building more and more trust, more and more love with your partner, and she respects you more, she trusts you more. She feels safe, right? And it doesn’t mean that next time there’s a rupture moment, she won’t still like challenge you, right? And you can’t necessarily just bank on all the times that you’ve done in the past and like, but I did it all those other times. It’s like, Well, it matters now, so you gotta show up right now. So the silver tongue technique is just silver, and it’s just sit in silence, inhale, listen to what she’s actually expressing, right? And if she’s not expressing anything, that’s when you can, like, you can actually ask her, like, Hey, what’s going what’s coming up for you, baby, I feel you disconnected, what’s coming up, right?

And then listen and then validate, right? The same thing at the V and the silver, and express or empathize, sorry, empathize, and then reflect. And so this, this one here, is really interesting, because if there’s one piece of that that I’ll that, I’ll just hyper-focus on, you don’t have to worry about memorizing that, another acronym and everything, because I know it’s gonna get complicated. Is really just the reflecting piece. This is the practical piece here that we can really take it. There’s one thing you can take away from this entire podcast. It would be this for me, and it would be that when your partner is disconnected, when they’re upset when she’s saying something to you, don’t get sucked into the argument, right? Because once you get sucked in there, you already know what’s going to happen. You’re going to get defensive, you know, start explaining yourself and go, I didn’t mean it like that. I was doing that, blah, and all of that is just creating invalidation in her. So instead, the easiest way to help her feel seen is literally so easy. It’s just to reflect back to her what she is saying. It’s the easiest thing ever. And so she’s like, I felt like when you know your mother said that comment to me, and you kind of laughed. I felt kind of disrespected, like you agreed with her, and I that made me upset. Okay, baby, so let me see if I get this right, right?

So what you’re saying is that in that moment that my mother said that comment to you and I laughed, you felt disrespected because I wasn’t there for you in that moment is, did I get that right? And you want to check-in. You want to keep doing this. Did I get that right? Am I understanding you correctly, right? And you want to look for those yeses, right? Because every single time you get a yes, it’s like you’re inching closer to connection, inching closer to reconnection, right? And you don’t even have to agree with what she is saying, but you have to validate it, right? And that’s part of the reflecting. And then, like, okay, so she says yes. And she says, No, be like, okay. Then help me understand, you know, I want to understand, baby, get a yes, and then once you get a yes, and it’s like, Okay, what else is important for me to know about the situation? What else do you want to share with me? Right? And you do it again. You just repeat, rinse, and repeat the same thing. Okay, so what I hear you saying is, and then you repeat what she said. Reflect back to her, Did I get that right?

Am I understanding that correctly? She says, Yes, okay. Is there anything else? And you just keep doing this over and over until she’s like, No, that’s it. You got it? Okay. Now pause before right, because that in that moment, now it’s like, okay. Now I want to share my side of the story. But if you just rush into that, you completely like, just ruin the work that you just spent so long doing, right? And so just sitting in that pausing moment for a second, putting your hand on, you know, on her leg, or whatever. Just like, holding your hand, and you know, if, if you feel like there’s an apology that’s warranted, like, just give it, even if you don’t feel like this is an apology that’s warranted. Like, you can apologize for accidentally doing something right? Like you can, you can accidentally bump into somebody and be like, Well, I didn’t mean it. Why would I have to apologize? I didn’t try to hurt this person. But you know that it means a lot to them to hear it. So why not just say, hey, sorry, man, I didn’t mean to bump into you. It’s the same thing, right?

Like in this moment, be like, baby. That was definitely not my intention, but I see how that made you feel, and I’m sorry. I. Yeah, and that’s it. Like, just let that land. Let her kind of sit with that and let her tell you what she needs, and then you can actually ask her, what do you need from me right now, right? And that’s it. And then, just like, have that conversation, explore that see where it goes, and if you’re able to do the thing that she needs, do it. She might just need some reassurance. She might just need you to hold her for a moment. You might just need some touch, right? She might need an apology if you haven’t already apologized, or she might need some reassurance that’s not going to happen again. Be like, I’ll be I’ll do my best. I’ll be mindful so in the future, this doesn’t happen again, right?

Thank you for sharing that. Boom. And then by that point, you don’t even really need to express your side of the story. Now, if you feel like you need to, because inside you’re like, Ah, it’s eating you alive. That’s when you lead with the emotions. Again, back to the brave method, back to the expressing piece, right? This is where you’re like, Okay, I appreciate all that, baby, and I just want to let you know what’s coming up for me. Are you? Are you open to receiving this? And if she’s open to it, then just say, you know, I hear what you’re saying, and I can’t help but to feel a little bit like this, a little bit like this, and this doesn’t invalidate what you’re saying, right? This is just how what’s coming up for me. I know it’s not true. I know it wasn’t your intention. And then you express your side of the story, right? So, yeah, let me pause there because I know that’s a lot.

Kevin Anthony 56:20
That was great. I mean, what you’re describing really is, is a foundational piece of communication, and one that I teach all my clients. It’s basically, I don’t call it the silver tongue technique. Personally, I strive for the gold tongue technique. No, I’m just kidding, just kidding, but, but, you know, whatever, whatever helps people remember it, but that is such an important key piece of how you communicate, that that repeating back and then asking for clarification and going through that process until you come to a mutual understanding is huge. And you know what’s interesting? I’ve taught that to a lot of couples that I’ve worked with, and it kind of blows their mind every time, and yet it’s so simple, right? It’s like, how were we never taught this in our lives? Like, okay, hold on. Let me pause for a moment. Let me think about what you just said. Let me make sure I understand it by repeating it back to you and getting your feedback right? It sounds so simple, and yet it’s something that so many people have such difficulty with, especially when they’re in the moment of being triggered, right, and the emotions are running, that gets a whole lot more difficult to do, right? Which is why it’s good sometimes to have acronyms and be like, wait a minute, what am I supposed to do, okay, yeah, yeah.

Danny Salinas 57:44
If you could come up with an acronym for gold man, let me know man might take it from you.

Kevin Anthony 57:50
I’ll think about that. Okay. So we covered what a rupture moment is. We showed how it related to what we were talking about with rejection. We also expanded upon what rupture moments are. We gave some tools that you can literally use right now when you have rupture moments to try to get back to reconnection. Are there any last things you want to share about rupture moments before we wrap up today?

Danny Salinas 58:19
Yeah, I guess in a similar way, I’ll just share, like, a quick story that I think just ties it all, you know, and it’s a very it’s more of like an allegory than is a story. But, you know, there’s, I remember the first time that I really did this for my partner, and it was just like we were in a moment of, like a little small rupture, moment, there was a disconnection, like, I had sent her this very vulnerable text expressing a lot of, like, really vulnerable things that I wanted her support with. And I think it was, it was a long text, and she was, like, overwhelmed by it, and so she actually didn’t respond back to me for like, a whole day, I think, like, like, I went to sleep and there was no text in the morning, there’s still no text. And it was like, I don’t think she thinks she even responded to it. I think I ended up calling her. It was just like, hey, like, I feel like a little bit like this kind of the rejection thing, you know, I was like, I felt a little bit like I just opened my heart and soul and like, not even a single text, not even like, a hey, like, I, I need some time to process this, but I’ll get back to you. It was just like, ghosted or something, right?

And I was feeling super disconnected. She was feeling disconnected. And so we finally, like, met up, and I remember that I had this framework that I just created, and I was like, I’m gonna try this. Like, I’m gonna try to go into this and, like, use this framework. I’m gonna keep myself accountable, because it’s so easy, like you said to like, just get kind of, like, what am I supposed to do again? Like, you know, so it’s, it’s good to have, like, a little thing. So I just, I applied this. And I just remember reflecting back to her over and over and over again, and I literally just saw Kevin, like, her entire like, just demeanor change in. Like her bitterness or her disconnection just melted right in front of me. And then, like, towards the end of it, she was just giving me these, like, googly eyes, man, like, you know, these, just like she was just so, like, in awe of what had just happened, right? I don’t think she’d ever experienced it before, and I was in awe of what just happened because I had never, I had not actually done that in such a smooth way, and let us both back to our hearts and both back into that repair, right from that little rupture.

And man, it just built so much trust, but also so much intimacy. I think we probably just went and made love right afterward, because there were all these emotions now, and we were super connected. So I guess the main takeaway is just simply that, like, while I wouldn’t ever advocate to consciously or create, like, intentionally create a rupture moment, like, they’re a feature of relationships. Relationships are harmony and disharmony, Harmony harmony, and disharmony. That’s actually life, right? And so like, this is not, this is not a bug. It’s something actually to know that is. It’s a reality. And when it does come up, it’s like, wow, reframing it and thinking like this mindset of like, wow, here’s a really golden opportunity to really like, to actually bring us into repair. And every time you do that, you actually like, it’s like, you’re going to the gym and you’re tearing muscle, and then you’re feeding it, it grows larger, right?

That’s literally the perfect analogy is for your relationship. Every time you successfully repair a rupture moment, the relationship grows stronger. But just like if you go to the gym and you work out, but then you don’t feed your body adequate levels of protein and all the other stuff that’s needed, you’re actually damaging your body. Same thing. If you don’t have a system for actually bringing ruptures back into repair, disharmony back into harmony, then you’re actually damaging the relationship. And this is what our resentment starts to build over years and years and years. So you definitely need to learn a strategy for that. And once you do every single time that repair or rupture moment happens. It’s a beautiful, golden opportunity to deepen instant intimacy and trust.

Kevin Anthony 1:02:08
Absolutely now, we can’t guarantee that every time you repair a rupture moment, you’re going to end up having great sex afterward, but, it does happen sometimes I wish we could. All right, Danny, we are actually out of time for this episode, but I really appreciated you coming on and sharing your knowledge and wisdom and tell the listeners where they can find more about you if they’re interested in working with you.

Danny Salinas 1:02:33
Yeah. Thank you. So the easiest place would just be Instagram at the Danny Salinas, or LinkedIn at Danny Salinas, or my website at the Danny salinas.com so those three places, Instagram are probably a little bit the most active on there. So you know, that would be the greatest you can see other my content. And you know, just shoot me a message, say, what’s up, and I’m happy to just meet you and get to know you and help in any way that I can.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:02
Awesome. And of course, those links are in the description, so go check that out if you’re interested in wanting to work with Danny or following Danny and seeing what’s going on in his world. All right, one last time, want to thank you for coming on the show and sharing your knowledge.

Danny Salinas 1:03:18
Thank you so much for having me on here, Kevin. This was a lot of fun, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:22
All right, everybody that’s all the time I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave me a review and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!