The Love Lab Podcast Episode 337 Transcript

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and your relationships.

Welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 337 and it is titled, what’s going on with the young generations and sex. I’ve talked about this a little bit on this show before. I did an episode on I think it was titled something like your ancestors had far more sex than you do, or something like that. And I kind of dove into it a little bit there. In that particular episode, I was talking a lot more about what was different between the older generations and some of the younger ones. This one, we’re going to focus primarily on just the sort of trends that are happening in the younger generations. It’s not so much a comparison, but there’s absolutely a trend occurring here that the younger generations are having significantly less sex. Now there are some potential good things about that, but there are also some potential downsides to that as well.

And so I think it’s something that’s worth discussing because it can have significant long-term impacts on those generations and on society as a whole. So I think it’s something that we should talk about. I think we should dive into why this is happening, the good, the bad, the ugly, as they say. And to do that, I have a guest with me today who has been on the show before. And you know, we had such a fun time. We started to dive a little bit into this topic in our previous episode, and then we were like, Okay, we can’t go down that rabbit hole because it’s too deep. We need to come back for another episode. So here we are today, but today’s episode is going to be a little bit different because it’s not going to be a straight interview. It’s going to be a discussion between, you know, peers, between two people who are doing education in the sex world.

And what I think is going to also be interesting. Obviously, we have masculine and feminine from here, right, which is, if you’re watching on YouTube, you can see my guest already, I haven’t introduced her yet, but you can see her there, so we can get sort of both sides of the coin that way. But also my guest is considered one of the younger generations, so I’m really curious to hear her take in what she sees. And also being an educator, she works with a very diverse group of women, so I’m curious to see what she sees with those women that she works with. So I think we can get quite a few different viewpoints by having us both discuss this topic. So before I go any further, let me just do a short break for my first sponsor, and then I will introduce my co-host today, and then we’ll dive right in.

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So before we go any further, let me introduce my guest today, which is Belle di Lorenzo. You may remember her from our previous episode where we were talking about how to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles for better sex. If you did not listen to that episode, you really need to go back and listen to it. It was fantastic. If. I have when we now 337 episodes. Okay? I have not gone back and listened to every episode I’ve ever done. I have gone back and listened to some of them because some of the people are really interesting, and I just want to listen to it again. And sometimes when I do go back, and especially with a good guest, and I listen to it more as a third-party outsider. I’m like, wow, that guest was really amazing. And that’s how I felt when I went back and listened to our last episode with Belle. I loved the content that you delivered. It was so clear, and concise, just it was awesome. And so I’m really excited to have you back on the show again. So welcome, Belle.

Bel Di Lorenzo 5:39
Thank you so much for having me. That’s so nice. I love that. That’s so great. I’m glad that you, that you enjoyed. It was such a great talk. I think when when two nerds come together and they just start talking about stuff that they’re interested in, it just flows really well.

Kevin Anthony 5:52
Yeah, you know, actually, interestingly enough, I got at least two comments on the YouTube video for that, for that episode where people were like, and they both used the same word, they’re two different people, and they both said, the two of you had really great chemistry.

Bel Di Lorenzo 6:09
Oh, nice. That’s so cool. I love that.

Kevin Anthony 6:12
That’s cool.

Bel Di Lorenzo 6:14
Well, to be fair, we were talking for like, about an hour before we started recording, partly about what we’re going to actually cover today. And it was like, we should actually just start recording at some point, because we just were just interested in similar topics, and one of them being what we’re going to talk about today. And I think that’s, you know, these kinds of conversations are just the best. I find them really, really stimulating.

Kevin Anthony 6:38
Yeah, I completely agree, so let’s just dive right in and just get into it. So let’s go. One of the things that I have noticed through doing the work that I’m doing, and I’m curious what your opinion is as well. I have noticed that the younger generations are definitely struggling more with not just sex, but both sex and relationships. So outside of the work that I’m doing here, you know, with relationships and sexuality, I also used to teach martial arts. For a long time, I taught martial arts, and for a while there, I was teaching young adults. So it was pretty it was all males. I think they were all males. Yeah, I had some adult females, but for the most part, like I would say 14 ish to about 18 ish in that age range. I was teaching martial arts for years. I did this, and I was always amazed at the fact that every single one of them, pretty much across the board, was not dating, and didn’t talk about girls at all. I’m like, I’m a 15 to 18-year-old boy. I saw all I can talk about I should be all, yeah, right, that’s all I can think about.

And I was just noticing that none of them were actually talking about and I would ask them, because, you know, I would see these, these kids every single week, you know, and there’s, there’s, you know, yes, I’m teaching them stuff, and we’re focused on the martial arts, but there’s always downtime in between stuff. And, you know, you want to establish rapport. And so I asked them questions about school, about their life, you know, stuff like that. Some of them, I knew their parents personally. So, you know, I would ask them about just, you know, how their life was going nice, kind of like, you know, they’re, they’re sort of second dad, like, all right, how’s it going with your dad? I know you guys don’t get that kind of stuff, right? So I had more insight into their personal, yeah, never, did they ever talk about women or sex or any of that stuff.

Furthermore, here where I live, you need to be 16 years old to get a driver’s license, and you can start driving on your permit at 15. And none of these kids, none of them had their permits, and none of them got their licenses when they turned 16. Now, when I grew up where I lived, you had to be 17 years old to get a driver’s license, and by the time we were 15, it was all we could think about was like, can’t wait to get my drivers license. I can’t wait to get my driver’s license. We would get our permit the first day it was available to get we would beg our parents to let us drive every opportunity they would allow us to and like, we all scheduled our driving test for our birthday. Literally, it was my birthday. I turned 17. I went to the motor vehicle and took the test. We couldn’t wait. And I noticed that these younger generations were just like, and I would ask them about it, they’d just be like, Yeah, I don’t know whatever you know.

Bel Di Lorenzo 9:43
So that’s crazy. It is. My mom told me the same thing they were like, having a car or having a driver’s license meant freedom, you know, for them. And it was very odd that I don’t drive. Like, the last time I drove was when I took my driver’s license, to be fairly sure, not giving it to me. That was the last time I drove. So then it was just walking public transport, Uber, and my parents are still baffled at the fact that I don’t have any, I don’t have much desire to drive, honestly.

Kevin Anthony 10:13
You live in a city, though, right? So you have access to,

Bel Di Lorenzo 10:16
Phenomenal public transport. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

Kevin Anthony 10:19
I don’t know about Buenos Aires specifically, but you know, you know, I grew up just outside of New York City. So, you know, in New York City, having a car was more of a pain than anything. It was more of a hassle like it was just having a car in New York City was like, why would you do it? You only did it if you were rich and you could afford to pay somebody to store it in a good garage where it’s not going to get stolen or vandalized. And then, you know, like it just it was not good to have a car in New York City unless you were really wealthy. But when you don’t live in a city, at least in the US, it’s a must, because everything’s spread out. You can’t get to anything. You can’t walk anywhere. It’s not really designed as a walkable place unless you live in the city. So it was just kind of amazed me that they just didn’t really care, but then they would complain all the time that, you know, there was nothing to do and they couldn’t see their friends, and it’s like, okay.

Bel Di Lorenzo 11:17
And to be fair, I think bringing it to our topic, I think a part of why men wanted a car is like, Well, where else am I gonna, you know, take girls and what, like it was, it was a bit of a, you know, this, I have the car. I can drive you places. I can drive you to the party, I can pick you up from the party, and then, you know, whatever happens, happens. So, that was another.

Kevin Anthony 11:37
Here’s a great example from my own personal life that shows what the difference is between, you know, the past generations and the younger ones because it brings both cars and girls in at the same time. Like I said, you had to be 17 years old to drive a car where I grew up. So when I was 15, my friend who was 16, okay, not old enough to legally drive a car, calls me on the phone one day and says, Okay, we’re gonna, we gotta go over and pick up these girls. So there were these girls that we were gonna go pick up and go out and do something with. He’s like, but here’s the thing, he’s like their parents, know, I’m not old enough to drive, so what he used to do is his mom worked nights and would like sleep all day, basically.

And so he would borrow the car without her permission, and we would go drive and do things all over the place all the time. And he wasn’t even old enough to drive. He didn’t have a driver’s license or anything like that, but we would do it all the time. So he says, their parents know that I’m not old enough to drive, so you’re gonna have to drive the car to pick them up. And I was like, I’m 15. I don’t know how to drive a car. He goes, Don’t worry about it. He says I will come over half an hour early. We’ll go around the block from your house, and I’ll teach you how to drive a car. He’s like, then I’ll drive most of the way there. We’ll stop at the end of their street. All you have to do is successfully drive into the driveway and out without stalling the manual transmission.

Bel Di Lorenzo 13:20
Oh, my God, you guys have automatics.

Kevin Anthony 13:24
Well, yeah, this one was a manual. So not only was it, no, yeah, not only did I not know how to drive, but I had to learn how to drive a stick shift in like 30 minutes, and then perform in front of these, yes, and forward and reverse, yeah. So he so he did. He came over, he picked me up, we went around, and he just went up and down the street, teaching me how to do it. We got to the end of the street for the girls. I got into the driveway and out without stalling. We got to the end of the block. I got out of the car. I’m like, it’s all yours.

Bel Di Lorenzo 13:57
Oh, wow. What was going through your head, you must remember this moment. I

Kevin Anthony 14:02
was super nervous. I was like, you cannot stall this car in front of these girls, exactly, but, but see, this is the thing. This is, this is the difference, since we’re talking about, sort of what, what the younger generations are like today for us back then, not only were we like, we wanted to drive so bad, we were driving illegally before we could even get driver’s licenses, and we wanted to drive so bad because our main goal was to go pick up girls.

Bel Di Lorenzo 14:32
Absolutely, right? Absolutely, absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 14:35
So it’s just very different from what we’re seeing today. I’m curious, so I told a story about my observation with working with kids in this age group. What has been your observation? You know, I know you work with a broad range of women. I don’t know how many younger women you work with, but you know you’re also relatively young yourself. So what do you see in your own peer groups, and what do you see with the women that you work with?

Bel Di Lorenzo 14:59
Yeah, it’s really interesting. We you’re correct. We work with basically women from all age ranges. We really wanted to be very strategic about our marketing and, like, sort of have, like, a demographic that we targeted, and we just kept realizing that we couldn’t find a pattern, because we have women in their 80s, in their 40s, in their 30s, in their 20s, and we’re like, Okay, well, this is, you know, it clearly, clearly different women are using vaginal gymnastics, which is what we teach in very different ways, along, you know, throughout their lives. So it was really hard for us to target a specific demographic. However, when it comes to the channels where we advertise stuff, you do see a difference in demographics. We’re really big on Tiktok, for example, which gave us a huge scare last week when it was supposed to be down, and then it happened for a day, and now it’s back. I don’t know. We’ll see what happens there, but we have a lot of younger women approach us through Tiktok.

And something that I, that I told you a few times, I think, is that the very first comments I get on our Tech Talk is, oh, my God, this stuff is amazing. I could, you know, I didn’t know the vagina could do all of these crazy skills. This is incredible. The second most common comment we get is, no man deserves this. And I always found that comment to be really interesting. And I always try to engage with people, so I asked them, What do you mean? Like, what does this mean? And, you know, we started conversations on that, and then a different and we’ll dive into that. But another comment that I get often is that, does this work when I’m celibate? And that was really interesting to me, because especially from the US I never really heard about like celibacy being practiced that much. I come from Buenos Aires. I come from Argentina, where we not so much now, but we do have a more conservative sort of upbringing. I certainly did. So for me, I was definitely a late bloomer when it came to sex. And a lot of my friends were too, but truly in the US. I never, I never really even heard of the concept of celibacy when it came to bigger cities, when it came to, you know, the mainstream, maybe, maybe in some parts of the country, sure. Um, but I found that really interesting. Those comments kept popping up even, even more so lately, like, what happens if I’m a virgin? Can I still do this? What does this mean?

And I find that really, interesting. And with all you know, women who are approaching maybe even their 30s, and it’s like, wow, this says this is a big shift. This is a big shift from what we’ve seen with, you know, the sexual revolution of women, where, you know, younger women were having sex in a more not attaching that to religion, and not attaching that to tradition, and not attaching that to waiting for the one. And this is a big shift that we’re seeing. And so I found, so those are some trends that I kept seeing. And then, obviously, late, you know, recently you guys, with the election, you had the four-beat movement, which was really big as well. A lot of women in tech talk talking about completely stopping, you know, their sex and relationships with men. And so that was another thing that I kept getting into conversations about because I find this stuff super, super interesting. So those are just the little trends that I kept seeing and that I’m that really tell me, wow, like, from the women’s side of things, things are things are not as easy. Like, you know, I hear a lot about how men are struggling and dating, but women are struggling.

Well, obviously, if men are struggling, it’s probably, it’s very likely that women who want to date those men are struggling as well. And so I just think that there’s a huge divide and and nobody really knows how to deal with it. So a lot of us are just being sedated by technology, and maybe, you know, our careers and stuff that might be really healthy, you know, like, let’s go to the gym. Let’s get, you know, let’s work on ourselves on the positive side. And maybe, you know, let’s spend all day playing video games on the more negative side. But I just keep seeing this sort of just comfort in being single and being celibate, not just single, because there used to be, you know, I think maybe the generation before me did have, you know, Sex on the CD and all of the whole have sex like a man, you know, have casual sex. And that was a big thing of that generation. And that’s, and I understand that, but those women were having sex now it’s, it’s not even being single and having sex is being single and being celibate, which I find just, just fascinating, just how the current Zeitgeist is moving.

Kevin Anthony 19:28
Yeah, and I think there are two different camps when it comes to celibacy. There’s there’s the the sort of angry camp who’s doing in this punishment. And then there’s the camp that’s, I think, becoming more close to religion. Again, these are things that we’ll definitely talk about a little bit later on in the show. But I kind of had to laugh a little bit. You mentioned the movement after the election, right? There were a bunch of women saying we’re not going to have sex with men anymore. But what’s interesting is, is they didn’t just say we’re not going to have sex with men anymore. They said things. Like, well, you know, now I’m gonna have to be a lot more choosy about who I have sex with. Or, you know, now I’m gonna, I’m gonna make sure he’s committed to me beforehand. Or, like, there’s saying things like that. And, you know, people on the more conservative side obviously just had a field day with that, because they said, so basically, you’re going to be doing all the things you should have been doing to begin with.

The stuff we’ve been saying you should do.

Exactly because, like, one of the comments I saw that was trending around, was all these women saying they’re not going to have casual sex with men anymore, right, to which the Conservatives said you’re not supposed to be having a lot of casual sex.

Bel Di Lorenzo 20:40
It was interesting how sticking it to the to the Conservatives was being more choosy when it came to sex, where it’s been the thing that Conservatives have been saying for the longest time.

Kevin Anthony 20:51
That was the irony of it, and unfortunately, I think that irony was completely lost on the left.

Bel Di Lorenzo 20:58
It’s been, it’s been very it’s, it’s been a wild ride. I find these discussions fascinating, because what does it mean, to stick it to men, and why? And I think that’s also it has a lot of assumptions attached to that because it’s assuming that the only reason you have sex is for men. It’s assuming that you don’t actually enjoy sex, and the reason why you’re doing it is to keep a man pleased, or which I find very anti-feminist. So I’m like, so Wait, so you’re gonna stop giving men sex because it wasn’t something that you did because you wanted to, because if it is something that you really enjoy, shouldn’t it be like, why would you punish yourself if that? If that makes sense.

Kevin Anthony 21:45
It makes complete and total sense. That. That’s why the whole withholding of sex, you know, if we take it outside of that sort of movement that was happening that was related to politics, and we just go back to relationships in general, we have seen throughout all time, using sex as a weapon in relationships, right withholding for certain reasons, and it never works out well, and it’s a sort of thing that somebody might do. And typically, you know, women would withhold sex for men because they’re mad at them for some behavior that the men did. And yes, it may punish them, but it also punishes the woman at the same time, it’s never a healthy thing to do. I mean, if you’re having problems and you’re not happy with somebody’s behavior, there are 100 other better ways to solve that problem than withholding sex, but that’s a discussion for another day, exactly.

Let’s before we go any deeper into the causes, I want to, I have a whole bunch of data here that I want to just throw out there real quick, because so far, what we have shared is our own observations, you know, as just people living in this world and also professionals. Now let’s find out, like, what do the stats say? So I did a bunch of research on this. Most of the data that I found stops around 2021, or 2022, ish, so it’s a couple of years old, but I don’t really think a whole lot has changed in the last couple of years, so I feel like it’s still relatively valid. So there’s a great article in Psychology Today by somebody named Justin LehMiller, and he wrote, that adults under age 25 aren’t having as much sex as generations in the past. Many of them aren’t doing it at all. So they did several surveys conducted in the United States and the United Kingdom, and they came to some conclusions. Number one, young adults are having less sex. Are having sex less often, and they’re doing it with fewer partners. This is especially true for young men.

For example, The data showed that the number of men reporting no sex in the past year rose from about one in five or 18 nine, 18.9% in 2000 to nearly one in three, 30.9% in 2018, so it rose pretty significantly number of men who have not had sex at all in the past year when they asked that question. The author says he’s documented something similar in his own research. He did a survey of 2000 American adults, age 18 to 44 actually sorry. The Kinsey Institute is the one who did this research, and they found that across genders, Gen Z adults reported a lower frequency of sex than people in their 30s and 40s. Furthermore, one in four young adults say that they have yet to have partnered sex with young men, reporting higher rates of sexlessness than young women. That’s pretty obvious why this young men reporting higher rates than young women. But isn’t that interesting? You know that they’re finding that nine. Only are they having less sex, but one in four young adults said they hadn’t even had sex yet ever. That’s pretty crazy. Yeah. They also found that Gen Z adults reported the highest levels of stress and anxiety.

Furthermore, lower levels of sexual activity were linked to higher levels of stress. That’s something we’re going to get into when we get into causes, but I just find that really interesting. So that was that was one article in Psychology Today reporting on some data, some of it from the Kinsey Institute. I found another interesting article in business. Insider on this too, and they were quoting a study from Rutgers University, which is right by where I grew up, as a matter of fact. And they did a study, let’s see men and women between the ages of 18 and 23 had significantly less casual sex, or sex without a long-term partner, than the young adults who came up 10 years before them. Let’s see. So they looked at existing data between 2007 and 2017 specifically examining responses about sexual activity, they found 38% of the young adults studied had casual sex in 2007 and that number dropped to 24% in 2017 so fairly sizable drop. After examining other data, the researchers believed decreased alcohol consumption, social media scrolling, increased video game playing, and young adults living with parents for longer periods of time led to the 14% drop over the 10 year period. I wrote all those down later on, so I want to dive into each one of those things and get your opinion on those and what you think about that.

But interesting nonetheless, the recent cohorts of young people adopt adult roles later in their lives and depend on their parents for longer periods. This is something that I really want to talk about because I’m really curious about your take on that this what, what I’ve termed in my list of reasons for this happening. And I don’t think I’m the only one that uses this term, but it’s this idea of delayed adulthood. These are people just starting later in life to take on the things that people took on earlier on in previous generations. Let’s see what else did they have in here. I got a bunch more. I don’t want to bore everybody with stats, but I do want to get a couple more of them in here. Data from the 2019 General Social Survey reinforced the idea that the United States is in the midst of a larger great American sex drought is how they termed it. Celibacy rates have increased steadily over the past three decades, but in 2018 the share of people who reported not having sex for the entire previous year was the highest on record. That’s pretty amazing. Nearly one in four US adults reported having set no sex during the past year. It appears Millennials are fueling that trend, and Gen Z is contributing now to from 2008 to 2018 the share of Americans ages 18 to 29 who reported having no sex doubled.

Bel Di Lorenzo 28:34
Young people going to talk about the pandemic, but then it’s until this is all pre friends even sold pre pandemic.

Kevin Anthony 28:40
Exactly. That’s what I find so fascinating about it. And young people are marrying later in life, if at all, and maybe having less sex as a result. So I skipped over a couple of them. I think people get the general idea from hearing that. So obviously you mentioned the pandemic, and that was one of the things that, you know, I do believe, has had an impact, and we will talk about but you can see this trend started long before that, and there is an absolute trend towards younger people having significantly less sex. So from what you heard with that, I mean, what are your thoughts on that data?

Bel Di Lorenzo 29:21
It’s insane, and it’s also not surprising. I think it’s a little bit of both. It’s, it’s very striking when you hear it, but it’s also, I think, when you start thinking about it, and you start thinking about the people that are that surround you, that are thought of those ages, or the people that you know, just maybe your peers of those ages. In my case, it’s it’s not. It sounds surprising. And we even see this in larger scales. You see countries where, you know, they’re the low replacement right when it comes to their population. And a lot of you know, in Japan, they’re having huge issues with this, and they don’t know what to do. In Korea, like they don’t know what to do. Right? Governments don’t know what to do. And part of it is, you know, people are not dating, people are not coupling. So what is happening? And that, I think, broadens the conversation to the realm of dating, and what’s going on with that. And I think we’ve all heard this recently, that just dating is just such a nightmare, and everyone so, you know, you have celebrities even talking about it. It’s super hard to date. Like dating is a nightmare. We don’t know if, like, the all the tools that we have available to us have helped or harm the situation. Even more, it seems to just be very difficult time to be in a relationship, or to start a relationship at the very least.

Kevin Anthony 30:43
You know, just to pause you for a quick moment. On last week’s show, I had somebody on talking about attachment styles, a man named Adam Lane Smith, and this whole idea of…

Bel Di Lorenzo 30:54
I love Adam Lane Smith. He is great.

Kevin Anthony 30:58
So we got into this topic, a little bit about dating and the technology stuff. And we were both in agreement that the technology, even though it’s technically made dating easier, has actually made dating more difficult and more challenging for people.

Bel Di Lorenzo 31:15
I think we’ve become that’s obviously just a personal opinion, but I think we’ve become extremely selfish in so many ways, and I see this in the advice that it’s given. And I think I have a unique perspective on this, just because I have my parents, who have been together for over 30 years. Most of their lives, they’ve been together, and then I try to show them stuff, you know, videos on Tech Talk, perhaps, of dating coaches, of modern dating coaches and, and some of the stuff that they’re saying, my parents are, like, vehemently disagreeing with, like, so, you know, the overuse of the term, you know, the red flag, or the egg, or the this, or the first sign of this, you should run away, And the first one. And I feel like we over-corrected in so many in so many ways. And this is just one of the many reasons why this is happening, right?

But I think in at least in the circles that I move, that I’m moving around, it’s a lot of the advice seems to be, if this person doesn’t fit this and this and this and this and this and this standard run away because there’s a million other, you know, so many fish in the seat, and we’re really quickly default to that. And of course, there are, of course, there’s many, many people available out there who want to date that you’re going to be very compatible with. But I think dating apps have given us. Have given us dissolution of, you know, doesn’t matter if this doesn’t work out the first, you know, at the first sign of trouble, it doesn’t matter, because you can just continue swiping and find someone else and you know, at your fingertips within seconds. And my parents, when I when I talk to them about this, they’re like, you know, a relationship is built between two people. And if, at the same if the first sign of trouble or the first sign of something that you don’t like, you run away. You’re always you’re never going to you never win the game. You just keep playing. And that’s, you know, maybe you want to keep playing, but you never win.

Kevin Anthony 33:18
But when you talk to these people, they’re never happy, right? So they’re frustrated all the time by it. But I think what you were mentioning is absolutely right here, which is that people aren’t willing to put in the work to actually build a relationship. They’re expecting it to be perfect from day one and day one, you know, they have all this, you know, social media influence about like you said, you got to meet this and this and this and this and this and this otherwise, you know, the red flag this, that the other thing, and they’re not putting in the time to actually develop a successful relationship. Speaking of Adam Lane Smith, I mean, a lot of what we talked about with the attachment styles, you know, he’s broken down attachment styles into subcategories. So it’s not just the main, you know, anxious avoidance, secure, disorganized. He’s got each one of those has subcategories. And what’s it I find fascinating about that is that so each one has two separate categories.

And what it does is it separates the ones that are truly the red flags from the ones that just have some sort of trauma or didn’t get something they needed in childhood. But you can work with them, right, they can learn, and they’re willing to learn, right? And so I thought that was kind of interesting, because that helps you see, okay, I’m in a relationship and this person has this issue the way, sort of the original attachment style worked. It was just like, well, if they have that issue, they’re just broken. And get rid of them and go find somebody that doesn’t have that issue, right? Whereas here you’re saying, no, no, hold on. Yes, there’s a subsection of people that you can’t work with that aren’t going to change, right, correct, but there’s all these other people over here that can learn. And are willing to, and you can, you can potentially work together to grow that.

So, yeah, I think that’s really interesting, because that’s a very big difference between the older generations, you know, your parent’s generation, even my generation, to some extent. So I’m considered Gen X, the generation I grew up in, and it was definitely more normal for us, maybe less so than our parent’s generation, who are the boomers, but it was definitely more common to stay in relationships longer, whereas what I see with the younger generations is just this constant, you know, churn and burn like through relationship and relationship and relationships. So I’m curious, you know, I don’t know what generation specifically you fit in. Are you? Are you considered Gen Z?

Bel Di Lorenzo 35:47
I think I’m the I’m in the mid intersection between Gen Z and Millennial. I think I’m like the last nine I’m 97 so I’m pretty sure that’s like millennial Gen Z. So right in the middle.

Kevin Anthony 35:59
Okay, so, you know, I mean, what is your experience with I mean, obviously, personally, but also, you know, just in your own peer groups when it comes to dating and how people approach it.

Bel Di Lorenzo 36:13
So from the female, obviously, from the female perspective. But what always, when I started dating, which was admittedly much later than everyone in my peer group. I instantly went for men who were older than me, but that was because it was very hard for me to connect with guys my age. And this is very common, you know, men, generally, men in their 20s, they’re, they have a completely different head that men in their 30s. And this is, you know, this is not no news, but so that was a big thing. But what happened to me was that, because I was very, I was very focused on my career, and then obviously a startup business, I’ve always been very business oriented, and I really love work, and I’m bit of a workaholic sometimes, but that’s something that’s very important to me, that was something that I couldn’t, I yet, couldn’t find men my age to sort of comprehend or sort of be there yet, whereas men who were a little bit older maybe they were, they weren’t so much threatened by it.

And also they felt like, you know, we were peers in that in that level. And I think a lot of what’s happening that we keep hearing about is that women just keep, at least at a younger age, they keep outperforming men in a lot of ways, like there’s more women enrolled in college, more women graduating college, more women, you know, getting C level positions in job. And obviously it’s starting to happen. It’s not that right now, every C-level employee is a woman, obviously, but we are seeing women out-earn men at a really fast rate. And I think some of our, this might be the controversial part of it, but I think our, our some of our biology hasn’t changed, or at least, I think most of our biology hasn’t changed, and women are still very much attracted to men who are as ambitious, or even maybe more ambitious than they are.

But when that pool gets smaller and smaller, because you just keep climbing that ladder, or you become more successful, you become more educated, you have less people to date, like, Who are you going to be attracted to? If you’re, you know, a C level, and you know, employee at a huge company you’re probably not going to, you’re probably not going to be attracted to the guy who’s just in college, maybe doing a philosophy degree. I could be wrong. And obviously there are many, there are many, there are many exceptions to this rule. But I think sadly or not, sadly, this is kind of what is going to continue to happen. I think, you know, women are still going to continue finding ambition attractive, and I don’t think that’s going to change anytime soon.

Kevin Anthony 38:53
I had another coach on. I’m drawing a blank on her name right now. She’s not, not too many episodes ago, but basically, what she does is, is work with that level, that C level, uh, woman. And the gist of that episode was the challenges that those women have. And what you were just talking about was a big piece of that is finding men that you know can basically out-c them very, very hard, very hard.

Bel Di Lorenzo 39:21
And those type of women, sometimes it’s almost like, when they try to sort of, quote, unquote, settle for men that perhaps are not, you know, as ambitious or more ambitious, it doesn’t end up working very well, just because they are already, because we’re still women, and sometimes, perhaps even if we are embodying a very masculine sort of Persona when we are at work and we’re being very assertive, and we’re being, you know, very much in our masculine energy, as some people call it, when we come back home, we probably don’t want to stay in that energy. And if. We do. It’s, it’s in most cases, rather than not, if the woman embodies sort of the more masculine energy and the man embodies the more feminine energy. It doesn’t always go well, there are exceptions again, but in most cases, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 40:14
Well, that’s a reverse polarity situation, yeah. And they can work sometimes. And I’ve actually known quite a few couples in reverse polarity, and they think it’s great, you know? But as an outside observer, I’m like, you stay together because you’re not challenging each other, right? Because you’re in poles, but your relationship isn’t healthy. If you actually really pay attention to how the relationship works, it’s not a healthy dynamic, and I think that because they have never really experienced it the other way around, they don’t really understand what they’re missing when they’re in those reverse polarity relationships, for instance. And this is again, a little bit of an aside, but I like that you brought this up. So in several of the couples that I’ve known personally who are in that dynamic, I know they think it works great, and they’ll even call themselves power couples. You know, they’re power couples, and they’re this and that, right? But I guarantee you that if you really get down to it with her, she’s not happy because she’s lacking something from the masculine that she desperately wants, and she can’t get it, so therefore, she fills that role herself and then tells herself that she’s happy in the role that she’s in, and she’s really not. But that’s, that’s a whole other thing.

Bel Di Lorenzo 41:35
Yeah, it’s, you know, I’m sure it can work. And I, you know, I personally haven’t seen it work. I’m sure it can, but I think for the majority of people, it doesn’t. But that means that, again, if we’re talking about women outperforming, outperforming, outperforming, and I am, and I would, and I’m the last person to suggest that we should sort of cap it or sort of like, Okay, should I maybe do less so that I can be, you know, more so I have more men available to me? No, absolutely not, because that’s going to make you extremely unhappy as a woman if you’re a very ambitious woman. But I do think that, and Adam Lane Smith actually talks about this quite a bit as well, is that right now, I think men, men can feel a little bit lost in what their role is, and that’s what we’re seeing as well. And nobody seems to know what to do about it.

Kevin Anthony 42:31
Oh, we know what to do about it. It’s just okay. It’s just that what they need to do about it has been politically incorrect for the last 10 years or so. But this is a great segue into talking about, what are some of the actual problems that are contributing to this, because we just hit on one of them. And then, of course, how do we? How do we fix those? So I always like to leave people with solutions to the problems, so we’re gonna, we’re gonna do our best to do that. I kind of missed my second break, though. So let me just go ahead and do a quick second break, and then we’ll get into I have a list of problems, and then we want to talk about, how can we actually solve them so that we can fix this issue with lack of sex in the younger generations.

All right, men, are you tired of falling short in the bedroom and in your relationship? Do you want your woman to respect you and crave your cock? Do you want to be the man she secretly brags about to all her friends? What if you could become this man? What if you could not only master your masculine sexuality but also be the dream man who shows up for his woman in all the ways she desires? What if you could become so irresistible that she becomes addicted to you? If you are ready to become that man. Then go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/men/ That’s obviously an ad for my Men’s coaching program. But I want to just throw this out here. I work with men, women and couples. If you’re listening to this and you’re like, these are the exact problems I’m struggling with as you’re listening to us talk, then just go to my website, just pick men, women, couples, whichever one, whichever category, works for you, and just reach out to me, because I can absolutely help you with all of these things.

Bel Di Lorenzo 44:13
Okay, so can I just say really quickly, I love both your ads. At this point, both of the sponsors have been targeting men, but both of them have the woman very much at the center of, do you want to give her more pleasure? Which I find really interesting, because a bit, you know, something again, I, as I said, a big comment that I get is, no man deserves this. No man deserves this. Blah, blah, blah, which I truly find fascinating of a critique. Because every time I’ve been to like a male site about, you know, how to how to have sex, like for men, and advice for men, they’re all about how you can give her the best orgasms. So I’m not really seeing that trend of like, selfish men not wanting to have women, to have the girls have a good time, if anything, even from a selfish. Perspective, men want to be the best you’ve ever had. So I don’t really understand this, like, this weird like, Oh no, man deserves to to have pleasure, because they don’t care about our pleasure. Well, it’s, I don’t know who you’re dating, but in every male website is about how you can make her X, Y and Z, and basically just really enjoy herself with you. So I yeah, I just find, found that that’s very, yeah, just very out of touch with reality.

Kevin Anthony 45:30
Well, thank you for noticing that about my act. Because, yeah, that is absolutely it. I mean, look, we just want to talk about relationships. Relationships are a co-creation, right? It takes both parties, and you’re never going to be great at relationships or great at sex if you only focus on yourself. Do you need to focus on yourself? Yes, you need to focus on becoming the best version of yourself that you can be. But then you also got to take that into the relationship and focus on the other person in that relationship as well. So anybody who’s teaching male sexuality in any way or anything, that is just purely focused on you and your own gratification has completely missed the point. And honestly, if all you care about is yourself and your own orgasm slash ejaculation, you don’t actually need a woman for that anyway. And see, this is why you and I need to do so many episodes because we could talk like whole shows about every one of these things.

Bel Di Lorenzo 46:27
Yeah, multiple conversations running at the same time.

Kevin Anthony 46:30
I want to talk. I have a list here of some of the causes. Some of them I mentioned when I was reading the stats earlier, because the research mentioned some of them. Some of them I added to the list as well. I’m just going to kind of run through them, and we can maybe bounce back and forth a few ideas about them. Okay, so what are some of the things that are causing this decline in sex in the younger generations? One that was mentioned in the research, and one that I’ve personally observed, that I think is an issue, is video games. One of the things that I observed with all of the young men that I was, that I was coaching in martial arts is they were all super into video games. And when I asked them, What did you do today? Because I would see them after school, generally, you know, what did you do today? Oh, nothing.

And just came home and played video games. What are you gonna do when, you know, after training, well, I got this homework assignment, but after that, I’m probably just gonna play video games, you know. So they spend an enormous amount of time in the virtual world on video games. Why do I think that’s a problem? I think it’s a problem because if you’re hiding in your room playing video games, you’re not out there meeting people and doing things with other people. We didn’t have video games when I was a kid. Like, we literally didn’t have video games. Like, I remember, I don’t know, maybe I was 12 when, like, the first video game came out ever, and it was crap, you know, it’s like, you know, we thought it was amazing at the time, but, you know, it really wasn’t much of anything. But what did we do? We spent all of our time outside because it was boring to be sitting in the house. There’s nothing to do, so to go out, ride our bikes, play sports, hang out with our friends, whatever. And I’m noticing that video games are keeping them isolated inside their own homes, and they’re not going out and socializing with other people their age.

Bel Di Lorenzo 48:17
That’s a bigger comment on society at large because while men are maybe, you know, playing video games, women might be in social media. So it’s just, it’s happening both ways. We’re just connecting much less. And to be fair, I think, I do think men are much, are at a larger risk. If you see the stats on men having fewer friends, and as they grow older, some men don’t have any male friends. Are very bad at keeping in touch with that, in having actual relationships with other men, whereas women typically are much better at the social aspect, and they continue having friends even later in life. But I do find that really, really, very pernicious for society, that we’re just living in this virtual world and and much less with each other. Because if you think about every you know, every good memory you have is probably shared with other people. So it’s if you’re not talking to many people, you’re probably not getting in many relationships.

Kevin Anthony 49:11
Yeah, and so number two on the list is the there’s the one that you just said, which is social media. This is another one that is often cited as being one of the big problems, and this is something that Adam Lane Smith and I talked about specifically because one of the things I said to him was, I find it so ironic that in a day and age where we have so much technology to make us more connected than ever, we actually feel more disconnected. And Adam brought in some actual stats because he’s actually researched this, and one of the things that he was showing is that the type of connection, when we do it virtually, doesn’t stimulate the same type of hormone release. So in other words, if you’re physically in the room with somebody, even if you’re not touching them, the interaction you have with them there stimulates the production of things like oxytocin. Right?

Whereas when you do it virtually through social media, all it does is actually stimulate dopamine. So you’re not getting that bonding chemical release, you’re just bonding hormone, no, you’re just getting the dopamine hit, right, which is basically just making you more addicted to it. But then you then you feel more empty inside, so then you go back for more you get more addicted to it, right? And you get this just sort of spiral where it just keeps perpetuating the problem. So yeah, video games, social media, another one that’s often cited, and I think that this one is actually caused by the previous two that we just mentioned, which is increased depression. So because people are more depressed, because they are less connected than they used to be then that, again, creates this sort of self-perpetuating cycle where it’s like, I’m depressed. I don’t want to go out and meet people and spend time with my friends, so I stay home on social media and play video games, which makes me more depressed. So then I don’t want to go out, so then I stay home and play more video games and do more social media, right?

Bel Di Lorenzo 51:01
And at least I’m gonna get the release of dopamine that I’m craving and blah blah, which is not an actual replacement for oxytocin, but is that hit that I need, and it’s what’s keeping me kind of feeling something, it’s something I don’t want to get to solutions right away, but something that I have implemented in my life. I’m an extremely social person. So I need to preface that by saying this, when Osiris happens to be an extremely social city, very easy to do every single night, or something to do every like you can literally meet up with your friends every night. And we have a society where it’s very common to be like, What are you doing tonight? I don’t know. Let’s hang out. And that’s very, very common. I wish that was true for most places in the world, and I think we’d really need that. But I’m a, you know, I’m a longevity nut. I love this kind of stuff. I really like health, and I really like optimizing my life for this stuff.

And when we talk about the Blue Zones, you know, those, those places in the world where people live the longest, what they did, what they found, what researchers thought they would find was people eat super healthy, people don’t drink. People, you know, exercise all the time, nope. What they do have in common, though, is an extreme sense of community. You know, doors are open, you hang out, you drink some wine with your neighbor. You can come and go. You were always in contact with people, the way that I sort of figure out how to optimize my life is I have, like, four aspects of my life that I kind of dedicate, try to dedicate equal time to, not always the same, but which is work and financial stuff, health and fitness. Then I have music and art and some sort of creative outlet. And then I have social so every single day, I try to connect in some way, either with a group of people or with someone.

But it needs to be live. It needs to be even, even this, which is maybe the technological the most, the closest we can get with technology right now. This still doesn’t count in my list of I need what I need to do today. So today I need to either get myself out there and talking to a neighbor, talking to my friends, or going out for dinner with someone. It needs to happen because it is something that ultimately will help your longevity. And I think something that, in one way that I do think society has moved in the right direction is we are much more health conscious, we are much more okay. I’m gonna go to the gym. I’m going to sleep this many hours. I’m optimizing. I’m bio-hacking. I’m optimizing for the best. And even if, again, we speak about selfishness, even if it’s a selfish reason, consider social interactions as part of your health routine. So if you put it as as a priority, as much as you put going to the gym, doing your meditation, doing your cold, plunging, doing all of the things that you do, consider it just as important to connect with a human being on a face to face level every single day, because that it’s studied, and his research that that does wonders for your hormones, for your regulation, for your mood and for your longevity. So that’s something that I would right off the bat say, this is it’s going to improve your life in virtually every possible way.

Kevin Anthony 54:14
I completely agree. You know, when they’ve been doing more recent research on addiction, one of the things that they’re also finding with addiction is that one of the main causes of that is lack of connection. So when people are heavily into whether it’s drug addiction, alcohol addiction, whatever it is, they’re generally very disconnected from their social structures that would normally be in and so one of the things that they’re doing now is not just like, Okay, we’re going to teach you how wrong and how bad drugs are. No, it’s like, okay, yeah, we’re going to, we’re going to do that, but we’re also going to get you integrated into a community, so that you have a support system around you, right? And that’s what seems to make the biggest difference. The next one on the list. Is we’ve already been talking about through all this, which is isolation, right? So how the video games and social media can create depression, depression can create isolation, right? So we can see how that cycle works. The next one on the list, though, I think is kind of interesting, and it’s something that we started to talk about earlier when it comes to, like, say, getting driver’s licenses or whatnot.

And that is this idea of delayed adulthood, and I’m really curious to hear about this from your point of view, because you are a younger generation, but I know that in my generation, we could not wait to be adults, for better and for worse, like a lot of times, I don’t think we necessarily realized the downsides that go with being an adult, you know. But we just, like, we just wanted to. We wanted to be old enough to drive as soon as we could, you know. We wanted to be doing all the adult things that adults do as soon as we could, you know, I can remember being a little, you know, like, I don’t know, five and like at Barb family barbecues, being like, watching all the, all the adults standing around drinking beers. And like, we wanted to drink beers with the beers with the adults, like we just wanted to be adults. It’s not like we even knew what beer was. And I remember the first time, I think my uncle gave me a sip of it. I was like, this is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted, which is how most children feel about it. But we just wanted to be adults. We wanted to do adult stuff. And what I’ve been noticing is that a lot of these younger generations aren’t so much interested in that they just kind of happy where they are being in their either young adult or sort of childhood stages. What do you think about that?

Bel Di Lorenzo 56:32
It’s really interesting because I, I am not the I Am. In this case, I’m very much the exception, just because I am the opposite. I want to do everything now. I want to do everything yesterday. So for me, it was like when I was in high school, I was like, I can’t wait to start a business and do this and do this. And so for me, it was very much the case, but I have peers and have friends, and obviously I know that’s not, that’s not the case. Not everyone has this crazy anxiety about life, but something that we did notice, there’s a story here that I find really encapsulates this. My parents were in Vietnam last year, and they were in this bus, and they saw this guy. He was in his 30s, with a huge backpack in the bus, and they started chatting with him. He happened to be from Chile, so they started talking to him, and he was like, Yeah, I’ve been traveling the world for the last, I want to say, eight years. This guy was, had been traveling the world, doing like, you know, construction work, and doing different gigs here and there, just being able to travel and get enough money to basically go to the next place.

And we’re seeing this super often, just people traveling the world, not really, uh, considering the path of the career and the, you know, first I do this, then I, you know, have a degree, then I have a career, then I climb the corporate ladder, etc, etc. And my parents asked them, like, how does this end? Like, you’re 30 now, you, if you look at your resume, there’s not really any job that you stayed at for longer than a month. How does this work? If you want to start a family, if you want to, like, how does this work? And it’s like, I don’t know. I’m like, I’m the trade blazer here, right? I’m the first, I, we are the first generation to actually do this. So I don’t know. He was basically saying, and that always struck with me. I that stayed with me a lot. And I remember my cousin kind of did the same thing. He decided to kind of take off after he finished university and just go travel the world and do this, this, this kind of jobs. And when I asked him about it, he’s like, look, I saw my dad work all his life only to be able to kind of retire at 56 and not really retire, because here retirement is not as good.

And, you know, economy, etc, all the stuff that we have going on around here, but he was only able to enjoy what am I only going to be able to enjoy my life when I’m 50? That’s not, that’s not a good way to live. I’d rather just enjoy now and then figure it out. And so I was like, I, man, I can’t really blame you. Like, I can’t really be too opposed to that. Like, I definitely understand where you’re coming from, because you’re healthy. Now you’re young, now you have the energy. Now you want to, you know, you want to enjoy as much as you can, and leave the, you know, the adult stuff for later, and not have to retire finally, at 60, and that’s when you get to enjoy. I get it like it’s not, it’s not what I chose to do, but I do understand it and so and so, I think, with the with information about this kind of alternative lifestyles, and information about the fact that you can travel and you can work remotely, or you can, you know, do all of this work and holiday programs and do this and do that, and this alternative realities that people can live, you know, we just with up with so many options people have chosen, you know, enjoyment now and then, you know, and then later, me will figure it out.

Kevin Anthony 59:51
Yeah, to some extent that I would say you’re right about that with the younger generations. And I would also say that because I’m. Lot of my life. When I was younger, I felt very much the same way, you know, I watched, you know, generations of my family work really hard, and, you know, struggle in life and not have a whole lot of enjoyment, and, you know, miss a lot of opportunities because, you know, they were working to support family or whatever. And so I felt very much the same way. However, I think in there, there’s a balance, right? You can, first of all, you can delay certain things, but other things you shouldn’t delay. In other words, like, Okay, if you want to travel, you know, a bit for a few years. Actually, that’s not necessarily a bad idea. I think people actually learn a tremendous amount when they get out of their country and the propaganda from their own society and learn what the rest of the world is like. That’s great, absolutely.

But I think the difference is, do you do that for two or three years, right? Or do you do that for the next 10 years or more, right? And then, of course, there’s the idea of, I might be delaying jumping into the career in the family. But am I still, you know, putting time and effort into, you know, some sort of, at least, learning towards a career, or, you know, learning how to have, you know, a proper sex life or a solid foundation of a relationship? Like, in other words, okay, you can delay certain parts of adulthood, but there are certain parts of adulthood you really shouldn’t be delaying. And I think maybe sometimes with these younger generations, they’re just delaying the whole thing, right? They’re just like throwing the baby out with the bath water, so to speak.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:01:36
And then there’s the stuff that you can’t really delay, because for women, there are some stuff that you can delay up to certain points, but probably not forever, right? And, you know, we have solutions now, and we have things that we can do to freeze our eggs and but even that’s not 100% every single time. In fact, the rates of success with that are actually not as high as we would wish for them to be. Maybe that will change, hopefully that will change soon. But there’s some things where the body hasn’t evolution hasn’t caught up to our new way of living, you know? And I find that really interesting. I feel like a lot of these things that we’re going to be talking about are are big over corrections. You know, we talk about how my parents generation, you know, they didn’t, they didn’t know a different path of life than than you know, you go to university, you start a job, you grow in that job, you get married, then you have kids, and then you retire at 60.

Our big over-correction was, I am not doing any of that. I’m going to start traveling now. I’m going to do it. I extend that for as long as I possibly can, while I’m healthy and while I have energy, and then we’ll see about the grown-up stuff we have, the over-correction of, you know, you know, being very sex-negative. And you know, sex can be a sin, and sex can be this, and sex is that, and all of these different taboos that we had around sex, to the sexual revolution, and let’s have sex like men and blah, blah, blah. And now we have a new overcorrection of actually, this is not making me that happy, and maybe we should be, and maybe I want to be very careful with the person that I allow inside my body. And so it’s, I think it’s just a story of just a pendulum swing one way and the other depending on what the current generation is doing.

Kevin Anthony 1:03:23
You know, that is a great observation, because something that I’ve noticed is that humanity as a whole always does the pendulum swing. It always swings from one extreme to the next, and it drives me insane, because as somebody who sees the bigger picture, so to speak, I’m just like, stop it, stop it. There is a middle ground. You don’t have to be here or all the way over here, to be fair.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:03:47
I like to think that most of us are in the middle, but I think it’s just that, just like people talk about the silent majorities, I think we can easily talk about the loud minorities. I think where, you know, in every generation, you will hear mostly the voices that are doing the thing that is extreme, much more than you will hear the common fall being like, you know, yeah, this is hard, but I think I’m gonna still try to date, and I’m going to be, you know, these are my priorities here and this. But, yeah, we are seeing these trends and I do think the there’s the delayed adulthood is it’s huge.

Kevin Anthony 1:04:24
There was one more cause on the list, and honestly, we’re already over time, and I haven’t even gotten to solutions yet. But the other thing I had on the list for reasons, for the cause of decline was sort of a resurgence of religion in some of the younger generations. So we definitely have seen some groups of young people who are reconnecting with some of the traditional religions. And it’s not even specifically one religion, but several different of the main religions, and they’re starting to, you know, like I’ve seen whole groups online. And I should have written the names down, because I don’t remember what they are, but there’s like, these sort of movements of young people who are just choosing not to have sex until they’re married, and so that’s that’s delaying things a bit as well. I don’t know if you’ve seen anything like that yourself.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:05:16
Not in my country. I feel like maybe we might be a little bit delayed on that still. But to be fair, I like to think, and I am the first one to criticize Argentina on absolutely everything, but I will say that I think we have a very healthy relationship with religion. Religion here is not too extreme, and religion here still plays a part. And I think because it’s, I think it’s surrounds faith a lot more than than organized religion, and we do have a lot of youth groups that they do a lot of good and a lot of and religion here is also responsible for a lot of organizations that help the poor and they help the people, you know, homelessness. So I think we have a really good relationship with religion. So I don’t think I’ve seen a resurgence, just because I don’t think it particularly left at any given point just yet.

Kevin Anthony 1:06:09
Yeah, that’s interesting. That’s definitely a cultural difference here, for sure. There was a huge push here for a long time to just demonize all things religion and so right last we were just talking about the pendulum is now swinging back in the opposite direction, and here we go. Okay, so just real quick. We only really are over, but a couple of things I can’t leave the audience hanging like this. So I had a list too, of like, okay, we talked about some of the things that are causing this decline in sex. I wanted to mention just some of the problems that this can cause for the individuals and society too. I’m just going to read them real quick. Decreased birth rate. You mentioned that earlier, right? So there are a lot of countries that are now struggling with like, how do we maintain a country when we are not replacing the people who are dying? That’s a problem. Another one is lack of experience when they’re older. This is something I see in my work, which is when I’m working with younger people, they literally don’t know how to have sex, or they don’t know what they want in sex. They don’t know what sex is supposed to feel like, or, you know, they’re just clueless when it comes to all things sex. And yet, they’re not that young.

You know, sometimes I have, you know, people in their 30s, you know, coming to me, and they’re like, I, you know, especially in when it comes to the younger men, they are experiencing massive performance anxiety, because they’ve, they have no experience. They all the, all the, you know, experience that we had when we were younger, you know, where we made all the mistakes and we weren’t very good, and we were like, you know, trying to figure it out, and then we kind of got a clue and started to get better. They don’t have any of that. So now they’re coming into a relationship, or they’re wanting to come into a relationship and date, and they’re just, they’re freaking out because they’re like, I have no experience. And the second it gets intimate, she’s gonna go, what the hell is wrong with you, right? And then she’s gonna leave. So that’s something that we’re seeing. Obviously, delayed adulthood can have a lot of problems. And we were kind of talking about that like your parents asked that traveler, okay, well, how does this end? Right?

Well, if you delay it too long, I’ll tell you how it ends badly. It ends with, you know, not being able to establish a career, not being able to make enough money, not having a retirement, not owning a home, not having a relationship, not having a family, all those things that you might decide you want later on, and then, of course, lack of a fulfilling sex life. When you’re older, you know that a lot of people who started early already have a lack of a fulfilling sex life, which is why you and I have such, you know, great jobs where we get to help people with this, but it’s already a problem. And if people aren’t getting the experience early on, when they’re younger, it becomes more of a problem. So those are just a few of the potential problems. I think you could make a much longer list than that, but you know when we’re talking about this and we’re having this and we’re having this discussion, I think it’s important for people to understand, you know, there are potential consequences to this shift in society and this change in lifestyle. So that, of course, leads us then to the very last thing, which is, what do we do about it? Right?

And so, you know, I’ll just throw a couple of things out there. And then I’ll let you throw some ideas out there too, if you have any. But you know, I think we kind of need to go back to some of the old ways. In other words, we need to go out and spend more time with people. We need to have real connection. We need to get off the devices. We need to put the video games down for a while. There’s nothing wrong with video games like you know, I do know some adults who have a healthy usage of video games, and that’s fine if that’s your thing and you want to do it every once in a while. Great. It’s not my thing, but if it’s your thing, great. But you can’t isolate yourself and only spend time in front of your computer screen, right? So go out, meet people, do things, Connect. Yeah, I think it’s really great to, you know, I tell people this all the time when it comes to, you know, sex stuff, I go when you’re younger, that’s the time to experiment and try all the things that you think you want to try. Do it safely, obviously, do it all with consent.

But when you’re young, that’s when you’re learning. That’s when it’s okay to make mistakes and screw up and, you know, that’s how you figure out what you like, what you don’t like. And unfortunately, I see a lot of people show up to me, and they’re 50 years old, and they’ve been married for 20 years, and they’re like, I think I want to leave this relationship because I’ve never had a threesome, and she doesn’t want to have one. And you’re like, like, Wait, What? What? You know? And so that’s I tell people, get those things out of your system when you’re young. That’s the time, and that’s when you get to get experience. Now, of course, you have to do it safely, right?

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:10:50
I love that your advice is, go have threesome skills.

Kevin Anthony 1:10:54
Yes, but, but safely and consensually. I’m not recommending you go out and do anything that is potentially dangerous, but I’m just saying that the time when you’re young is the time to express that’s where I meant now. That’s when you’re like, hey, I think I’ll try this musical instrument I didn’t like that one. Let me try this one over here, right? This is how you get to learn what it is you like, what it is you don’t like, what is you’re good at, what it is you’re not good at, and this is how you become, you know, the person that you’re meant to be. And I think sex and relationships is no different. And if you’re missing all of that early on experience, it makes it significantly more challenging later on in life. So those are a few things that I think would really help.

Obviously, you know, managing depression is another thing that is really important. So you’re a big proponent of exercise, as am I. So, you know, get out there, exercise, eat, well, go out and do things with other people. Manage that depression, take on what is a reasonable amount of adult responsibility. I get it like you can still, you know, be a young person and but, but Don’t shirk everything that is considered adult. You know, there are important things to do, and then you can still play and travel and do all of that. So those are a few, a few suggestions I have. What about you?

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:12:11
I have three very specific ones, so I’ll just keep it really short. So as I touched on before, schedule time to be social. And if you’re like, well, but I don’t have many friends, okay, there are apps for that. So this is where technology can actually help. So there’s something called, you know, there’s an app right now, that where you just have dinner with strangers. I don’t remember exactly the name right now, but you basically go and you have dinner with a bunch of strangers. You can you have an interview. They have, obviously a policy where they meet up with the people before, so they know that you’re it’s going to be safe. It’s in a public, public place. You go and you just, oh, it’s time left. Time left is a name. You go, you hang out, you start talking to people. And even if you’re an introvert, even if you’re afraid, you’re not going to get any better if you don’t start practicing. So go and talk to people. If you don’t have friends, you have meetup. Meetup again, another application where they show you what stuff is happening around you join sports groups, join runners groups, join a gym. Start talking to people at the gym. Lift waste. Ask someone else, hey, can you help me with these reps? Can you can you spot me like it doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter what you say. Just start and in the conversation. So there are some ways where technology can be very useful. Meet Up is a huge one.

We in Buenos Aires. We run a lot of events through meetup, and we just meet. We constantly meet new people. And if you have trouble, come to Buenos Aires. There’s a lot of them. But basically, do social things and schedule it as you schedule everything else. I would say, If you love video games, fantastic. Just schedule time for video games you want to do three hours. I think it’s a little much, but do three hours a day, fantastic. Make sure that two hours of your day are going to be out and meeting and talking to people, whether it’s your friends, whether it’s your family, whether it’s your neighbors, whether it’s people at the gym or if it’s complete strangers that you want to get to know, you need to, you need to work on that social muscle, because that’s what’s going to get you. You know, you go on a dinner with strangers, and then you hang out and, you know, you really get along with one of them, and then they invite you to their birthday party where you meet their sister, and apparently the sister is beautiful, and you guys hang out, and then you start a relationship. Like that’s how things happen. That’s how you start connecting, that’s how you start connecting the dots. And you get into relationships, and you do all of these wonderful things. So schedule social interactions as a priority in your life. The second thing I would say is I touched on this is lift weights. I will always say, lift weights, whether you’re a man, you’re a woman, phenomenal for your hormones, phenomenal for longevity, incredible for even the social aspect.

Again, the gym has such a nice community. CrossFit is one thing that has a beautiful community attached to it. But again, runners, groups, all of these healthy, health-oriented activities. They usually have really good communities attached to them, another way to meet people and kill two birds with one stone. And the third thing is going back to the gender war sort of issue. Get out of your eco chamber. Make it up. Make it a point to if you’re a man, listen to what women are listening to right now. What. Are the advice? What are women complaining about when it comes to the social market, and if you’re a woman, listen to what men are complaining about. What are the struggles that men are encountering when it comes to dating? Learn what the other side thinks, because then it’s going to equip you with, okay, what are the stuff that I need to avoid? What are the stuff that these people are complaining about? What are the stuff that I can do to be the exception and not just another man that women you know shy away from and not just be another woman that men are annoyed by. Like, how can I? How can I optimize to be the best for the other gender? If that’s what you’re attracted to, is what I would say. And that’s, that’s, you know, a broader conversation on getting out of your eco chamber is just important overall in everything. Just make it a point to listen to the other side always. Those are my three, my three advice.

Kevin Anthony 1:15:45
Those are great. Yeah, I completely agree. I think that’s great advice. I hope any young people who are listening can hear that, and I hope maybe it just shifts the way you’re thinking about life and how you approach it. Well, Bell, it was wonderful having you on as always. We went way over. I know we need to do we need like, a three or four-hour Joe Rogan format, where the two of us just get on here and talk for three hours.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:16:13
Timer, like a timer where, like, the Zoom tells us, like, enough, enough, enough, enough of this topic. Jump to the next.

Kevin Anthony 1:16:21
Yeah. So what we need is a Jamie like on Joe Rogan who’s in our ear saying, Okay, move on. Yes, yes, yes. Anyway, thanks for coming on and sharing your own personal thoughts and experiences. I know this is a little bit different format than what you’ve done before. I know we weren’t talking specifically about your work and your programs, but you know, since you were nice enough to come on here, please at least tell people where they can find you in your programs.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:16:49
Everything that we do, it’s at goddess.com and that’s g, O, H, D, D, E, S, S, and that’s where I have free guides on vaginal gymnastics, the course, coaching, the book, everything, all my hub is on that website, and this is something that is phenomenal for women’s pleasure. If you’ve never had an orgasm before and you’re a woman, we help women with that. We help women like this. Practice has just so many, so many benefits. And of course, if you have a partner, or you plan on having a partner, they’re not exactly going to complain about that.

Kevin Anthony 1:17:22
The link is in the description for that. I have read Bell book. I haven’t seen inside your course yet. I’ve only heard you describe it. I would love, at some point to be able to just peek in there.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:17:33
I’ll send you. I’ll send you the course. It’s crazy. I and I’m so nerdy about it. You we released recently a Guitar Hero of vaginas. So, like, it’s very, very gamified. So with each sort of different beat of the song, you do a different exercise. Women love it. It’s just and because it’s all recommendations that they’ve given us of the songs they listen to when it comes to sex. So it’s basically a vaginal gym.

Kevin Anthony 1:17:55
That sounds really awesome. I know I did read your book, and I thought your book was great as well, so definitely go check that out. Link is in the description and Bell, thank you again for coming on.

Bel Di Lorenzo 1:18:08
And thank you so much for having me.

Kevin Anthony 1:18:11
All right, everybody that’s all the time, and then some I have for this episode, and I will see you next week.

I hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing!