Sexual Attraction and Bisexuality

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 168. Titled, sexual attraction and bisexuality. Okay, so we’re going to cover we know what is sexual attraction, and we’re going to cover sexual attraction to not just the opposite sex, but also the same sex and what does that mean?

Kevin Anthony 0:53
And how do you know that you’re bisexual, I am going to state up front that I am definitely not an expert in bisexuality, or homosexuality, or transgender, or any of that kind of stuff. And there are going to be certain aspects of this topic that we are not going to discuss because it’s not relevant to the point that we want to make today.

Kevin Anthony 1:17
So if you’re listening to this, right, here’s what I don’t want. I know when people go, you didn’t talk about transgender, and you didn’t include this. And you did. We’re not attempting to be all-inclusive here. There’s a certain aspect of this that we want to cover today in this show. And we’re going to stick to that.

Céline Remy 1:37
And really, this came from a client of mine that I’m working with, and she is in a relationship in a heterosexual relationship married and her husband could notice that she had some kind of repression like that there was an attraction for her to whatever woman but that she never gave herself permission to do that.

Céline Remy 2:00
So he was really encouraging her to explore that. And this is something that she and I worked on together as well for her to get some clarity around that. And, and I helped her with different views around what does it mean?

Céline Remy 2:15
And so really, that’s the angle, we’re going to approach it more from that place of being somebody who identifies as a heterosexual person, whether you’re male or female, but then who might have different attractions or a desire for exploration of fruit, the same sex?

Kevin Anthony 2:38
Absolutely. And I’m glad that you said that the way that you said that because we are predominantly heterosexual. And so we’re going to be speaking about this from our area of expertise, which is what we have personally experienced.

Céline Remy 2:54
Yes, and I have some same-sex experience. And we’ll talk more about that in the show. So I feel like this going to help other people or other couples.

Kevin Anthony 3:03
Oh yeah, there could definitely be some juicy personal stories on both sides here.

Céline Remy 3:09
That before we get started, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor power and mastery. So if you’d want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 3:22
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Kevin Anthony 3:37
Alright, to start out with you put a quote here on the show notes that I think actually sums this topic up fairly well. Do you want to read it? Yeah. So

Céline Remy 3:48
this is the definition. I think that is the most inclusive in terms of what does it mean to be bisexual? And it comes from Robin Ochs who’s an activist and he does different things like that. But this is what the definition says.

Céline Remy 4:03
I call myself a bisexual because I acknowledge in myself, the potential to be attracted romantically and or sexual sexually to people who have more than one sex, not necessarily at the same time, not necessarily in the same way, and not necessarily to the same degree.

Kevin Anthony 4:24
Yeah. All right. That’s the end of the show. That’s all you need to know. So no, but it actually does a really great job. And I think we’ll talk about this as we go through the show more, but I love the part towards the end that says, not necessarily at the same time in the same way or to the same degree.

Kevin Anthony 4:42
And that’s going to be important, I think, as we talk about some of these different things. So next, you will also found on the Kinsey Institute website, a test to know whether or not you are bisexual and it asks you about eight questions or something like that. And then it gives you a score. So you took the test and I took the test.

Céline Remy 5:05
Yeah, so if you’ve been wandering and I bisexual or not, you could go and just type Kinsey scale test and it will pop up for you. And you can take the questions, you know in the test for yourself. So my score was spread dominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual. Alright.

Kevin Anthony 5:31
So I also took the test and mine came up predominantly heterosexual only, incidentally homosexual. So now you might be asking the question as I did, what does incidentally homosexual mean? And honestly, I have no fucking idea.

Kevin Anthony 5:50
So I when this score came up, and I don’t care what it says, like, I’m not ashamed of anything we talk about everything on this show is like if you don’t already know where I lean, like, you just haven’t been listening long enough. So I was curious. I was like, only Incidentally, homosexual, like, how did they even get Incidentally, homosexual? Out of the way? I answered those questions.

Kevin Anthony 6:10
So I went back, and I looked at the questions again, every question I answered, was straight up, you know, male, heterosexual, but there was one question on there. And that question said something along the lines of the thought of having sex with the same sex is and then it gave you a bunch of choices like you like it was a turn-on, it was, whatever, it was tolerated, it was disgusting. It was horrible, you know, like, you get the idea of the rage.

Kevin Anthony 6:43
And I simply answered, tolerable to it. And so that’s how somehow I got Incidentally, homosexual, which I think is, I don’t know, maybe somewhat misleading. And so I’m going to this is where we can talk about our own personal experiences a little bit here, you know, with, you know,

Céline Remy 7:03
are you going to talk about your incidental homosexual experience? Are you going?

Kevin Anthony 7:10
Okay, sure. Yeah, you know, I hadn’t thought about that. I totally forgot about it. Okay, this is such a great story. I’m glad you brought it up. Actually. I’ve told this story so many times to so many people, and I laugh every time I tell it. Okay, so we meaning both of us had this longtime friend who used to throw these really somewhat crazy parties at times, and they weren’t always sexual parties.

Kevin Anthony 7:37
But you know, there were some of them who were just kind of crazy. So he went through several times, this party where it was basically a dinner party, only you were eating sushi off the naked bodies of people. And so in this particular case, there was one naked female and one naked now. So you get to choose who you want to Eat Your Sushi off of.

Céline Remy 8:03
And you happen to be the sushi platter.

Kevin Anthony 8:05
I happen to be the male sushi platter and this occasion because I thought it would be frickin hysterical. Let me just tell you, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be because sushi is cold. It’s very cold, and you’re naked in a room. And yeah, it’s just, it wasn’t actually all that enjoyable. Anyway, that’s a whole nother whole other subject. So there happens to be a bunch of people all kind of around me as a table.

Kevin Anthony 8:36
And they’re a mix of men and women. And so you know, how much they interact with your physical body is kind of up to you and up to them. Oh, my I forgot you forgot one. I forgot one very critical element of this story. Okay, before we sit down, some friends of mine say, Oh, yeah, we’ve got these marijuana chocolates. Do you want any as like, Man edibles and I just do not get along?

Kevin Anthony 9:08
Like we really just do not get along. So I was like, well, I just taste it. I’ll just nip the corner of it. Like that’s it. Like I don’t even want to feel high. I’m just curious. I want to taste it. I just nipped the corner of this thing. And as I’m sitting there just talking with people, I can feel it coming on. It’s hitting me like a ton of bricks. And at some point, it’s time to get up and go into the other room and become a table.

Kevin Anthony 9:41
And I can barely get up and walk across the room. Like that’s how ridiculous this has hit me. So right away, I’m going Oh, no, this is not good. This is not where I wanted to be. This is not what I was expecting. So anyway, yeah, the critical part of the story is Is that I was completely out of it. As I lay down as the table, I just closed my eyes and I’m like, I just I, the whole room is spinning right now.

Kevin Anthony 10:09
So, now there’s a mix of men and women around me at the table here. And, you know, most people in this situation like this, even though we pretty much all know each other. And we’ve known each other for years. And, you know, we’ve had sometimes sexual relationships with modern people that were there over the years at different times, or ex-girlfriends, whatever, boyfriends, blah, blah, blah.

Kevin Anthony 10:34
So most people are being really civil and polite, and you know, they’re just, some are just taking sushi off you with their finger somewhere using their mouths, but it’s pretty tame. So at one point, I kind of like look up to see like, who’s around me, and as the room is spinning, and then I just put my head back down? Well, you know, people are just taking sushi.

Kevin Anthony 10:54
And whenever at some point, somebody actually takes sushi that’s closer to my groin but then decides to basically give me a blowjob. And I remember thinking to myself, Wow, that’s really brave, considering who’s around the table. And, you know, I was so out of it, I couldn’t even pick up my head to figure out who it was or what was happening.

Kevin Anthony 11:20
And it was only later on, that I started to realize, wait a minute, the only person who was close enough at that table to reach that part of my body was actually a man. And I thought, Hmm, I wonder. But I had no idea and it was already too late. Everybody was moved and gone, and like switched up. And I have no idea what happened. So here we are, about a year later.

Kevin Anthony 11:48
And I’m telling this story. And some of the people that were there, were present while I’m telling this story. And so I end the story with To this day, I still do not know if that was a man or a woman. And so a friend of mine, who is a man, not the man, but who is a man just gets a big smile on his face. And he says, Kevin, I was there. And it wasn’t mad. So I did not know that until about a year later, I had no idea

Céline Remy 12:25
and that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you score predominantly hetero. Incidentally, homosexual, just so we clear.

Kevin Anthony 12:33
All right. Well, you know, and the thing is, is like, honestly, you can’t tell the difference. Like, if your eyes are closed, like you don’t know the difference, you know, like, whatever.

Céline Remy 12:46
Well, if the person shaved, for sure.

Kevin Anthony 12:50
Let’s do they haven’t shaven, and it’s a little rough, then maybe you might notice the difference. Well, yeah, I mean, of course, I was pretty out of it, too. But I had absolutely no idea. But here’s the thing. Coming back to the only incidentally homosexual is the fact that when I was made aware of that, that it was a guy, I honestly didn’t care. I was like, Oh, that’s pretty funny. Whatever. I don’t care.

Kevin Anthony 13:13
So now some people may be thinking, Oh, there you go. You see, that means you’re bisexual. But I disagree with that. And I’ll tell you why. Because you know, you and I are nudists. We even did a show on our experience going to the cat dog in France, the Naked City, and all that kind of stuff. So we’ve been around a lot of naked people. I have seen a lot of naked men and a lot of naked women.

Kevin Anthony 13:39
And here’s the thing. If I see a naked woman, especially if she’s attractive like I feel almost emotional like there’s there’s an energetic something that just starts to move inside my body. I’m like, I feel it viscerally. I feel it like this attraction like Oh, man, look at that. Ah, you know, I can look at a naked man that has an exquisite body and I don’t feel that what I feel is like wow, he’s really ripped like, man I wish might have looked like him.

Kevin Anthony 14:16
Like that’s often like the reaction that I’ll have. Or I’ll even say if we see someone at the beach with an abnormally large penis. I’ll be like size of that thing, you know? But I don’t feel it viscerally. I don’t feel anything inside there’s no Oh, yeah. And that’s how I know that I would consider myself heterosexual you know, it’s not because of any experiences I’ve had per se because that you know.

Kevin Anthony 14:41
I just told you about an experience with a guy but I just don’t feel it inside. I don’t know, like, ah, but with women, it’s like, man, I could just see a picture on Facebook of like an attractive woman and I feel that I’m like so that’s how I know Yeah.

Céline Remy 15:00
Well, the conversation around bi-sensuality and bisexuality is a very important one to have, especially for women because I think that we women are pretty much all of us are by sensual, meaning that we feel very comfortable. being around other women, it’s natural to touch each other’s hair, or maybe even boobs or body to have a sensuality and a closeness to another female.

Céline Remy 15:27
And some women have an attraction to where they will lean more towards bisexual. But I think if we were being really honest, as women, we have that by sensuality kind of as innate as something natural, and that if we gave ourselves permission, I mean just put a few women together at a spa. And just notice what happens we kind of touching each other all over each other there is a sensuality that happens.

Céline Remy 15:55
Now, something that’s interesting that I’ve wanted to bring up too is just because you have an attraction towards somebody else doesn’t mean you have to act on it. And where people get it wrong is they start to torture themselves and then they start to stifle the energy down because they’re thinking this is not good.

Céline Remy 16:18
I shouldn’t and when you do that, you are literally cutting off some of the lifeforce energy that comes through you and you can’t even have it for your own partner anymore if you constantly bring this down. Now just because you feel something doesn’t mean you have to act on it

Kevin Anthony 16:35
yet that’s a great point. I also want to come back a little bit to you were just explaining how women are when they get together. And it is totally common and normal for women to be you know, they go to the bathroom into the same stall with each other all the time or they’re trying on each other’s clothes or trying on each other’s lingerie or feeling each other’s boobs.

Kevin Anthony 16:55
Hey, check these out, you know, like totally normal with 100% heterosexual women this kind of stuff happens all the time. But with men, it almost never happens. Like it just doesn’t and believes me I have a lot of friends that are totally you know, a lot of them are bisexual or they’re at least bisexual like they’re not afraid to give a guy a shoulder massage or whatever or look at a makeup we just don’t do that kind of stuff.

Kevin Anthony 17:24
We just don’t. We went for a mountain bike ride the other day we get back to the truck and my friend just you know because we got a couple of stops on the way home he just in the parking lot rips off all his clothes and he’s standing there naked and changes again but nobody cares nobody says anything nobody even thinks twice like I didn’t even notice actually at first cuz I was like loading bikes in the truck and stuff and then I was like naked over there you know like but nobody says anything or cares because this guy’s really just don’t care to be honest. So I

Céline Remy 17:59
want to come back to how do you know if you’re like by saying is bisexual if you are asking yourself and so some of the signs are things like if you frequently have thoughts about exploring sexually with both sexes, and it could just be in your head but if you’ve played with either one then that could be a good sign.

Céline Remy 18:17
Sign number two is that you feel sexually attracted to the same sex and you identify if you identify as a heterosexual then you’re like oh there is still this other part so that’s kind of telling you that number three you repress your attraction when you feel it’s not conventional or it’s not what it should be.

Céline Remy 18:38
So this is I think a lot of men find themselves there because they don’t want to feel something if there was something there or even just women like just people most likely it comes from like more religious upbringing or just societal pressure and theme like I won’t fit so I shouldn’t be so I’m going to repress it and this can go even further into our sign.

Céline Remy 19:03
Number four where you own gender makes you nervous where the kind of the homophobic where are they go this like it’s so much and there are a lot of movies by the way like this but the guy’s a douchebag and he’s like making all these silly jokes and like kind of like don’t touch me, dude, it’s gonna make us gay and then at the end of the movie like he like comes out as being gay right? Like he was in more than one of those stories in

Kevin Anthony 19:29
a really funny movie road trip or something like that. Yes, there go watch it. It has nothing really to do with being gay whatsoever, but it’s a very funny movie and it has that sort of subplot in the background.

Céline Remy 19:42
We have a couple more signs here if you can’t seem to be making up your mind one day it’s one thing the other date something else and last but not least, you usually free you frequently watch bisexual porn like or read stories of bisexuality or like that. You go to For your erotic material,

Kevin Anthony 20:02
yeah, no. I mean, this is a list that we made up a sort of off the top of our head after I wrote the list. And you know, for us, it’s a shortlist, if you listen to this show, we give you a lot of long lists. This was a kind of a shortlist. And I was like, kind of having trouble thinking of things to put on the list. So is it okay, when that happens? I go out and research and I think what do other people say?

Kevin Anthony 20:25
And honestly, there, there are a bunch of lists out there, you can go find them on the internet, but most of them really aren’t much different than this, they’ll use different words. And it will add a couple of things here and there that are like a Maybe, maybe not. But what that tells us is, is that there isn’t any clear cut, like Oh, if you do this, or you feel this, then you must be this, right?

Kevin Anthony 20:48
It’s not that black and white. And that’s kind of the point that we’re making here. These things that we gave you in the list are just ideas to get you started thinking and doing the inquiry as to who am I am I not.

Céline Remy 21:04
So from my personal experience, I would say also that my sexuality has evolved over the years, and it hasn’t always been the same or attraction. I’ve always felt naturally bi sensual, and when I had the opportunity to explore with women, it was not a good time. And then later in life, it came back and I was able to explore and have sexual experiences with women.

Céline Remy 21:32
And I was really questioning myself and then I think we come back to that definition at the beginning where you can feel attraction to both sexes, but not always, to the same degree, not always, at the same times, not always equal. And, for me, I’ve seen that over the years, things have changed.

Céline Remy 21:50
And there were times where I was really, really into a woman, but I still had a male partner, because the experience I have sexually with a woman is not the same as with a when it’s just not the same. And I like both. And then there are times in life where maybe you don’t want one or the other, you know, you’re just like really satisfied with one.

Céline Remy 22:12
And so for me, I’ve noticed that it has changed. So just because you claiming per se or label or having an experience doesn’t mean that you’re going to be in it for life. And maybe sometimes it’s something you want to explore to get it out of your system to know more what you like and, and just make up your own mind.

Céline Remy 22:32
Maybe it’s something you might come back to way later down the road. So be willing to be flexible, be willing to be open with how it shows up for you.

Kevin Anthony 22:42
Yeah, that’s a really good point is it’s not static or set in stone, and that it might fluctuate over time. You know, another thing that I would put out there too, is that if we look historically, you know, through different cultures over, you know, hundreds or even 1000s of years, we see that what is considered socially acceptable changes depending on the period of time.

Kevin Anthony 23:06
If you go back and study the Greeks or Romans, you would know that homosexuality and bisexuality and orgies and all that kind of stuff were totally normal, totally commonplace happened all the time. You look at a lot of paintings from, you know, even Renaissance period times, you will see hundreds of examples of all of this.

Céline Remy 23:27
And I think culture too, will change things because there are some cultures that are much more openly bisexual or homosexual. And there are some cultures that are not and repress it.

Céline Remy 23:40
And also we’re thinking about, like, for example, the Indian culture where it’s very normal, you’ll see men hugging, holding hands in the streets, because at least back then, because things might have changed from when I was in India, it’s already been 15 years. But women men, PDA public display of affection is not acceptable, accepted, or acceptable.

Céline Remy 24:06
Therefore, the only thing they can do is being affectionate between the same sex. So you’ll see a lot of men and being very affectionate. But that doesn’t mean that they’re bisexual. But it’s just an interesting thing to know also about the culture.

Kevin Anthony 24:23
Yeah, and so that’s, that’s why it’s important to understand that the culture that you live in the time period that you live in has a lot to do with what’s considered normal.

Céline Remy 24:36
Right before we dive into some of the different types of bisexuality, and come back to really a sexual attraction in general, let’s give a little break to our sponsors. And this is for all of you couples who are committed but feel stuck in a rut going through the daily motions instead of connecting the way you used to. If you are tired of stale mechanical sex that like spontaneous.

Céline Remy 25:00
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Céline Remy 25:21
So go to Celine remy.com, forward slash passion. And you can find more about the programs and in remy.com forward slash passion. So Alright, I want to go pretty quickly over the different types of bisexuality because I’m more interested in the sexual attraction that’s

Kevin Anthony 25:43
this is interesting, because I’ve never actually seen this scale-like, and it makes sense when you read it, I just guess I never really thought about it in these terms like really breaking it down and classifying it, but it’s somewhat well done. So I think people might benefit from it. Yeah, and

Céline Remy 26:01
this is where we put it in there. And there we are. This is not from us. We got that too from a search. But there are different five different types. So type number one would be heterosexual leaning. So it’s by individuals who consistently experienced greater physical and emotional attraction towards people of the other sex. But, you know, sometimes you’ll have a bisexual experience, so

Kevin Anthony 26:24
So mostly heterosexual, correct.

Céline Remy 26:28
The second one is homosexual leaning. So it’s by individuals who consistently experienced greater physical and emotional attraction towards people of the same sex.

Kevin Anthony 26:40
So mostly homosexual.

Céline Remy 26:43
You know, it’s like I mostly want vanilla ice cream, but every now and then I have a lot of chocolate. And then there is the variant type. So it’s by individuals who consistently experienced greater emotional attraction towards one gender and greater physical attraction towards the other sex.

Céline Remy 27:02
So experiencing this type of bisexuality can be particularly confusing since society generally expects a person’s emotional and physical attraction to match.

Kevin Anthony 27:12
Yeah, that one’s really interesting. It means that you get your sexual needs fulfilled by one sex and your emotional needs fulfilled by another one. That’s very interesting.

Céline Remy 27:21
And then there’s the 5050 type. Well, it’s a myth that all people experience equal attraction to men and women, there are bi-identifying individuals who do experience and nearly even split 5050 between their attraction to men and women. And then last, but not least, is the outside the binary, and that’s really the only little blip we’ll go into here.

Céline Remy 27:45
But many bi people find that potential partner’s gender expression is unimportant, and they are more interested in a person for their personality. So they’re, these people are more likely to be physically and or emotionally attracted to people who identify outside of the gender binary. In addition to men and women, these people may also identify as pansexual, which is similar implantation to bisexuality.

Céline Remy 28:11
But some people may identify more strongly with one label or the other or use both interchangeably or even they might be dating people who identify as they are non-binary. I mean, this is like a rabbit hole that we are not going to get into.

Kevin Anthony 28:26
Right? You know, honestly, it’s not really any. It’s not really much different than the 5050, right? Because in the 5050, you’re just as happy with a man or a woman. All this is really saying is, you’re not picking it based on the physical gender you’re picking it up based on the personality of the person and whatever gender they happen to be. They happen to be.

Kevin Anthony 28:48
So yeah, it’s a slight variation. But I would also add here, like, okay, so somebody broke this down, and they created all these different types. Don’t get hung up on the labels. It’s this whole thing that we do in society nowadays with labels, you’re this or you’re that or you’re this or you’re this thing, and that thing, really all it does is served to divide us.

Kevin Anthony 29:11
I know, I know, a lot of you’re like, Yeah, but it gives me an identity and it allows me to blah, blah, blah, okay, maybe but all I really see in our society is more division, and more division and more division, because I’m paying this and you’re 50 that you’re homeless or you’re hetero that or like Baba, like, honestly, just forget all of that. Don’t get caught up with what the labels are. Do what feels right for you as an individual and who gives a crap what the label is

Céline Remy 29:41
a great piece of advice. So let’s talk a little bit now more about sexual attraction and the psychology behind sexual attraction. If you understand the psychology behind it, it’s you’ll see that it’s not always straightforward, what makes it that we are attracted towards one person versus another. And how we become sexually attracted to someone isn’t always clear cut to those not always like this staff or you know for sure or how you got there.

Céline Remy 30:10
Sometimes it has to do with how successful we perceive a person to be. Other times that has to do with winning the person over you know, for some people, it’s like sad like that chase like that really appeals to them. Or the fact that they have similar personalities, or that the complete opposite, I mean, everybody is a little bit different.

Céline Remy 30:34
And I have some theories that were for sexual attraction, a lot of people are messed up. And it’s based a lot on our interactions with our parents, and how we were dealt with as children. So for most women, it will be something about being attracted to men that remind them of their dad. And if they didn’t feel very loved by their dad, they often will pick a man who will have the same qualities and behavior as their dad.

Kevin Anthony 31:11
Okay, so now you’re venturing into the big pink elephant in the room, the age-old debate that never seems to get solved, which is, is homosexuality, something you’re born with? Or is your nature exactly? Or is it something that you’ve learned, which is the classic nurture or nature argument? Let’s just say it’s both. It’s both.

Kevin Anthony 31:39
And it depends. It doesn’t mean it’s both in every person, it means in some people, they were born that way and other people, that’s a learned behavior. So now that we’ve got that out of the way, you can all stop any complaining or negative comments that you were going to put it is definitely both some people that literally are learned, which is why you will see them flip and flop back and forth, right. And for other people, it is literally nature like that’s how they were and it’s constant and it doesn’t change.

Céline Remy 32:09
That’s, that’s very good to bring that up. So I’m going to talk about number one because I was fascinated when I found this data. So apparently our mood affects how attracted we are to a stranger. And they did an experiment where they showed people photos prior to them meeting strangers.

Céline Remy 32:26
And there were two different groups, the people who were shown cute animal photos like little kittens and staff tends to feel more attracted to the strangers after having seen those photos than those who were shown photos of like snakes or scary things.

Céline Remy 32:42
So their mood, there was a stronger relationship between their mood and how they reacted to a stranger. So this is an important one to know that maybe just maybe if you are not sure if you want to attract somebody in your life, like check-in, like, how do you usually feel internally, and

Kevin Anthony 33:03
Alright, so here’s the deal, right? You’re a hetero couple, man, woman, you’re about to go out and try to attract a unicorn into your existence, right? Which is, which means it’s going to be same-sex for somebody, right? Just go on the internet and watch lots of videos of cute kittens before you go out. It, just trust me, it’ll work.

Céline Remy 33:30
The second thing that plays a role in sexual attraction is similarity. So we more often to the partner that’s about as physically attractive as we are. And there’s also a prominent factor when you consider your partners often have a similar intellectual capacity to your own.

Kevin Anthony 33:49
Unless, of course, you’re a wealthy older man. In which case, you will probably go after women much, much younger than you are, and probably a whole lot better looking than you are.

Céline Remy 34:04
There’s no denying that that is true. But in general, it is true that when you tend to have too much of a gap in your scores.

Kevin Anthony 34:17
I hate saying I know why. But it’s totally true. We talk about this all the time, right? Like on a scale of one to 10, right? You always look at couples and you say, oh, they’re both about a six, you know, or they’re, you’re always, you know, he’s a five and she’s like a seven, but it’s pretty close.

Kevin Anthony 34:33
Those relationships, this I mean, this is totally non-scientific. But those relationships actually tend to last longer than the ones where you’d be like, wow, he’s kind of like a four and she’s like a nine, you know, like that. Those generally don’t last all that long.

Céline Remy 34:49
And this was something that I think one of our guests had brought into one of the shows I can’t really remember. I mean, we had 168 shows. I can’t remember everyone but he was saying It’s about, two points are about the maximum gap. You can go like, yeah,

Kevin Anthony 35:05
I think it was like that was at the dating coach that we had on the show that was talking about that. I don’t remember either. I think it might, I think it might have been many,

Céline Remy 35:13
many the first night, but I don’t remember the last

Kevin Anthony 35:17
night. And he also ran a business where what he did was match people together. And he did this for years. And so one of the things that he noticed is if you match people together that were too far apart on that scale, it often didn’t work. But if they were closed on the scale, it did.

Céline Remy 35:35
But there’s also the part of the intellectual skill here, too. So they are there’s the physical one, but then that you have similar intellectual level, you may not be interested in the same thing, but that you brains function like and I feel like you and I really have that. And I didn’t have that in a previous partnership. And that makes a big difference.

Kevin Anthony 35:57
Yeah, especially nowadays, when there’s so much going on in the world that requires a certain understanding of the facts. If two people have two very different understandings of the facts, it can be very challenging.

Céline Remy 36:08
Yes. Something that was interesting about attraction to and sexual attraction, there is slip-ups is something that is an attraction. And I was like, oh, how does that show up. And the studies showed that when people with you are successful and clever, make minor mistakes, like spilling wine on their shirt, maybe have spinach between no tea from, we find them more attractive.

Céline Remy 36:33
I think it comes down to vulnerability, really, because I think when more because when you see somebody and you put it on the pedestal and you’re like, there’s a distance, it’s hard to feel attracted to somebody that’s like so much higher that you can’t reach if you see a vulnerability, again, it brings you back to that similarity, because deep down, you know, you’re in perfect. Ivor.

Kevin Anthony 36:54
Yeah. And I think that that really is the core of it, which is if somebody is too perfect, we don’t believe it. We don’t believe it. We think that they’re lying, or they’re, you know, they’re just putting on their best effort. And it’s all going to change later on. Right. So yeah, if we can see that they have little mistakes, then we go, they’re human. Yeah, they’re just like me in that sense.

Kevin Anthony 37:19
So yeah, for sure. I think that’s a good one. It’s really fascinating. I mean, we could do, we could do multiple shows on just the idea of attraction and what attracts one person to another person. And why did those things happen? We obviously do not have the time to go into that in this show.

Kevin Anthony 37:41
But anytime you’re going to talk about attraction, whether it’s, you know, heterosexual attraction, homosexual attraction, bisexual attraction, whatever it is, it’s worth taking at least a little time to understand the attraction in general, and how it works and why we tend to be attracted to some things and not other things. And that’s a deep rabbit hole, right?

Kevin Anthony 38:06
Because you could even start going into things like, we are naturally attracted to people whose faces are more symmetrical. Like that science, we know that for a fact, right? So there’s a lot of things that could potentially cause us to be attracted to somebody. And it’s, it’s a fascinating conversation, I think,

Céline Remy 38:26
well, and if there’s one takeaway from today’s show, and ideas that we’ve shared are, it’s really about the attraction again, you can feel it, you don’t have to act on it. And attraction can show up in many ways and, and in many different sex or people. And again, it’s to be celebrated.

Céline Remy 38:50
And you could have an emotional attraction, you could have a physical attraction, a sexual attraction, and you don’t have to always do something about this, but just celebrate the fact that you have a connection with somebody. And sometimes it will mean that you’ll be sexual but sometimes you’ll just be best friends or sometimes it’s just for a particular moment that you connect with somebody. Yeah, and

Kevin Anthony 39:14
I think the other big takeaway from this episode is doesn’t have any edibles. If you don’t want any strange experiences to happen to you

Céline Remy 39:28
incidental homosexuality that you are not yet open to the right. And you know, if it happens to you, it happens to you and you’ll survive. It’s not a big deal, especially nowadays, I believe, like it’s becoming so much easier to explore anything around the spectrum on your sexuality, and we don’t have to be in the closet anymore.

Céline Remy 39:50
I mean, we can tell the stories we can talk about our homosexual experiences or bisexual experiences and people pretty much all people have some experience of some kind And so actually celebrate that to the times where the event that it’s so much easier than it was then a different time for sure.

Kevin Anthony 40:08
And you know, as we know, this stuff has been around forever. And at periods of time where it wasn’t socially acceptable just went underground. It’s always been there, but it’s always been

Céline Remy 40:20
there. So give yourself permission to feel what you feel to explore your attraction always in a way that’s safe and in a way that has integrity. But give yourself permission.

Kevin Anthony 40:34
And if you need help with that, reach out to us and work with us. Just like Celine was working with her client and helping her client and her client’s husband work this out together, we can help you work through any of these types of issues that you might have.

Kevin Anthony 40:52
Alright, everybody, that’s all the time we have for this episode, and we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 41:10
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 41:24
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 41:25
and remember you are amazing