Is Porn Hurting Or Helping Your Relationship?

Kevin Anthony 0:12
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. Because well, sex matters. We are your hosts Kevin Anthony, saline Remy. Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. And this is Episode 58. And it is titled is porn hurting or helping your relationship?

Céline Remy 0:38
Oh, I can’t wait to dive into this episode. But before we get started, let’s do a big shout out to our sponsor.

Céline Remy 0:47
This episode is brought to you by Power and Mastery, the most complete sexual mastery training for men. So whether you want to have harder, stronger erections, last longer, or expand your sexual skills, Power and Mastery is designed to help you develop your physical and mental stamina, and enhance your sexual abilities. So you can find all about power and mastery at powerandmastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 1:12
Yeah, so this is going to be a really great episode. But before we get there, I really do want to make clear, we’re not against poor. Okay, we’re not 100% for porn, but we are not against porn. And you’ll understand what we mean by that as we go through this episode. And I also want to say for full transparency, that we do advertise some of our products or at least we have in the past on porn sites because that’s where our audience is.

Céline Remy 1:42
Well, that’s also where you can advertise about sexuality or sexual products. You can’t be on Facebook.

Kevin Anthony 1:53
So all of that is just let our listeners know that we are not against porn at all. And what we’re going to talk about in this episode is, you know, the places where it can be unhealthy, the places where it can be healthy, and if you are going to choose to use it, how to do it properly.

Céline Remy 2:10
Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 2:12
First, we’re going to start with some fun statistics. These stats actually come from porn hub 2018, sort of like year in review, where they get they put out this report every year about the statistics of use of their site. So there’s some really interesting stuff. We’ve used some of these stats before in other episodes,

Céline Remy 2:35
We have. If you ever go on there and just dive like porn hub and statistic and stuff like this, they show up and they make all these cool graphic. And it’s really neat. And every year they put out numbers, and you can really see the growth, the changes over time and the trends and what’s hot and what’s not. So, yes, one of the things that we have found is: well, number one is there are 92 million daily average visits on porn hub a day, like 92 million.

Kevin Anthony 3:10
That’s one site porn hub, what one porn site one day, in one day. Wow. And their stats show an increase every year. That was 2018. So that means this year is probably even more than that.

Céline Remy 3:26
Absolutely. One other thing that I noticed when I was looking at the infographics is that the US is the number one country to visit for a probably different reason. Maybe that’s where the demographic is at blah, blah, blah. But what’s interesting is that then it’s by more than doubled and the other countries the number of the visit of the US so what that means is the US as a country is pretty pervy.

Kevin Anthony 3:56
Yes. Well, there’s potentially a lot of reason for that porn hub is a US-based site. Yeah. So you know, obviously, for a lot of different reasons, like if you’re on the other side of the world, and you’re searching for porn, it’s not likely to be the first result Yeah, cuz can show you stuff that’s more in your language, your region, whatever. There’s a lot of reasons potentially why that is. America is also a big country with a lot of people. But yes, Americans are perfect.

Céline Remy 4:23
Before we go to the other numbers is to realize that there’s a lot of people who go watch born, it is something that’s on people’s mind a lot. So there’s still a lot of shame, there’s still a lot of like, like negative emotion associated with porn, and I kind of want to say, like, chill out, like, so many people are doing it. It’s time that we have a dialogue. And this is really why we’re having this episode today because we want to bring some, some understanding and some light on porn.

Kevin Anthony 4:51
Yes, a lot of people are doing it, there’s a lot of reasons for that, I would say that some of the reasons for the increase are obviously technology related. But some of them also is that our society is keeping us more and more distanced from actual human contact. So there are lots of reasons for that they’re not really the scope of this episode, so we’re not going to spend a lot of time on them. Let’s go to the next statistic.

Kevin Anthony 5:14
And this was one that I want you to remember, because we’re going to come back to this later on in the episode, and that is, the average duration worldwide, worldwide, is 10 minutes and 13 seconds, that means the average person spends 10 minutes, 13 seconds on a porn site, we will come back and remember that because we have a whole conversation about that.

Céline Remy 5:39
The last one that I was interested in is the balance of gender, and 29 29% is female visitors. And it’s up by 3% from the previous year. So it’s interesting because oftentimes, when we think about porn, a lot of people are like, against it thinking like this woman that are against born, are they saying, it’s only for men who want to objectify women? I kind of want to say, well, it’s like nearly 40% of the visitors like 29%, you know, like, it’s, it’s different. Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 6:20
nearly a third of the people watching,

Céline Remy 6:23
yes. And so you got to realize that it has its appeal, I’m dealing more and more with women who use born and yeah, and sometimes have issues with that. So understand that it’s not just one gender, it’s across both it It affects both people. And what I’m interested in is the next question. Because when we talk about foreign and in from the different people, one of the first thing that people say is provided by this born is cheating. So is watching porn, cheating with a Kevin?

Kevin Anthony 7:02
No, no, it is not porn is not cheating. However, if you are using it, and you’re not admitting it, or communicating about it to your partner, then that’s potentially a problem. It’s not cheating. But it’s a communication problem that you have in your relationship.

Céline Remy 7:21
So, you know, it’s something that’s happening in your mind, okay, sure. There’s something visual, and it’s all happening in your mind and in your brain. So remember, we always say your biggest sex organ is between your ears. So when you use porn, you stimulate your brain. And that’s how you can get excited. And if you view the private images of what’s going on the fantasies that are going on into somebody’s head and think that, well, that’s cheating.

Céline Remy 7:53
You basically are never able to fantasize, without that being considered cheating, you’re never able to like be having your own little fantasy world in your head. And I think that’s a very dangerous path to go on. I think we should be able to cultivate and give it a proper place for our imagination for fantasy for using our minds in order to get aroused, and the more we will judge that the more it will show up as sexual issues, dysfunctions and problems in the bedroom.

Kevin Anthony 8:29
Well, so. So basically, no, it’s not cheating. But if you’re going to use it, just make sure you communicate it with your partner, huh?

Céline Remy 8:37
Yeah, we’ll have some more guidelines, we will give you some good guidelines at the end of the episode on how to use it. And I want to say like, also full disclosure. I don’t watch porn. Kevin doesn’t watch porn, we’re not very good at watching porn. And

Kevin Anthony 8:53
actually, we have a very funny story about that, which is that when we did want to do some advertising for our products, when we knew that we were going to be advertising on a porn platform, because it was the only place that would let us do advertisements, even though the products have nothing to do with board whatsoever. We thought, well, we should really go look at this site. Like we want to know, like, what kind of stuff is here? And you know, what, what did the ads look like? And we kept putting it off. We’re like, we Yeah, you would think that most people would be like, Oh, my God, our homework today is to go look at porn like this is the greatest thing ever.

Kevin Anthony 9:35
You know, we were like, do you want to do it tonight? I really do you want to do it? Not really. So well, we’ll do it later in the week, you know, we kept putting it off, which was pretty funny. So so that was the first funny part about that story. The second funny part about that story is that we hired a graphic designer to help us build the ads for the platform and the graphic designer happen to be a female. So we were looking sir, and actually about hiring this person, because we were like, well, what if she’s offended by the nature of the content? This, you know, those are concerns that come up?

Kevin Anthony 10:12
So, but we approached her, we told her where we were, where we would be advertising and what types of stuff we wanted to do. And we said, you know, but we’re not really sure. You know, how, like, what the best things are? Her response was, Oh, don’t worry about it. I watch porn all the time. I know exactly what to design for you. And we were both like, really? Okay, give us so happy we found the right person.

Céline Remy 10:39
To finish that story, we did end up watching porn together. We did it together. And it was really funny because I wasn’t liking what I was watching, yet I was being aroused at the same time. We don’t really like this. This is not like how would make love or anything like this. But I was like, if I’m wrong, I’m kind of aroused. And then Kevin had a boner. And so I knew he was being aroused. But it was funny, we were noticing like what was going on. But for us, it’s definitely not something that we use, or have used, just because we’ve been able to stay very connected to our bodies and in touch with our sexual energy.

Céline Remy 11:21
We didn’t need this from the outside. So we have a different opinion maybe than somebody who always uses it. But we’ve worked with a lot of people, mostly men who considered themselves addicted, who had issues that came from watching porn. And so I think this is kind of where I want to move into is, first of all, let’s look at the positives of porn. And then we’ll look at the negatives because I think so many people always focus on the negatives, and we want to bring in some positive.

Kevin Anthony 11:49
Yeah, for sure. Well, because like, like we stated upfront, we’re not against it. And we can see where there are places where it can be beneficial. So we’ll talk that first. And then we’ll go into the places where we think it can be not so beneficial. So first one, porn can be used to create excitement and desire. So in instances where, you know, maybe couples have been together for a long time, maybe sex has kind of become boring and routine, they need a little something to get themselves going.

Kevin Anthony 12:21
Porn can be used as a way to sort of get that excitement going. I’ll give one example actually of this, which is not really porn, but it’s kind of similar, which is that you and I went to see a movie in the movie theater. A while back. I don’t know if you remember it?

Céline Remy 12:39
Yes, it’s Professor Marston and the Wonder Woman. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 12:47
And if you if you’ve not heard of the movie, it’s supposedly the true story about the guy that created the Wonder Woman comic book and how he actually had a polyamorous relationship where he had two wives basically, I love I don’t think they were both married. So it kind of follows that but there’s one particular scene in it where they have a really quite well done and hot threesome scene. And here, we both came home from that movie, and we were like, straight to the bedroom had sex.

Céline Remy 13:20
So again, in porn, there’s a different level of porn, right? There’s the soft porn, there’s the erotica. And then there’s a more hardcore one. And I noticed that for me, like these type of things will turn us on. So we would be more into the soft porn or the erotica, where it’s suggestive, but it’s not so much the come shot in your face or the full, like, zoom on the anus up with you know,

Kevin Anthony 13:42
you know, I don’t mind. I don’t mind that kind of stuff, really. But I’ll tell you why it’s not my go-to and why the movie actually was better for me.

Céline Remy 13:52
Oh, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 13:54
Because in so much porn, it has no heart. Just like bam, bam, bam, you know, spit on you. Fuck this, Fuck that, you know, and it’s really, it’s not loving, it’s not caring. It’s not even necessarily central in any way. It’s just hardcore graphic porn, you know. And what I loved about the movie was, there were three people who had massive chemistry and attraction. And were in a very vulnerable position. and allowing themselves you know, husband and wife allowing themselves to have a threesome for the first time with somebody else, which was a very vulnerable thing for them to do.

Kevin Anthony 14:38
And you could feel that vulnerability, that emotion like all that stuff, along with the, you know, sort of erotic parts of, you know, two beautiful naked women and the whole thing like so. That didn’t he was far more attractive than what we see in a lot of hardcore porn stuff.

Céline Remy 14:55
Okay, well, let’s continue to our second point stuff positive for porn. Yeah, go porn. It can be used to keep sex interesting. And it kind of ties into the first one with excitement and desire. But I think also maybe to, to bring in new ideas are like think of new stuff or fantasies. So yeah, just keep the interest.

Kevin Anthony 15:24
It might give you some new ideas or bring some new things in, I think maybe it’s just a different thing to do. It’s like rather than Okay, let’s go upstairs, you lay down, let’s do our, you know, few minutes of licking and stroking and then a few minutes penetration then died, rather than the boring routine is like, hey, maybe we start downstairs and we watch a little porn and then we go do this.

Kevin Anthony 15:45
And then we go to it’s just something different to throw in the mix. Hmm. Let’s see. Next one on the list. Okay, well, so sex could be potentially used if you say don’t have an actual partner to have sex with. Now, what’s funny is that when we put this on the list,

Céline Remy 16:02
let’s say it’s porn can be used in your partner. Yeah. When Kevin said that I was like, but why would you want to use porn? Instead of having sex with a partner? I was like, you always have a partner, you’ve got yourself and I was like, I don’t like this one.

Kevin Anthony 16:16
First of all, I wouldn’t want to use sex instead of having sex with a partner. And yes, technically sex with yourself is sex with a partner, that partner is yourself. But my answer to that was, Hey, you know, I’d like to see some tickets, maybe a little vagina, you know, it’s like, I don’t own any of those things. So you know, why not?

Céline Remy 16:40
So, yes, I mean, I can see that I think also, some people do use it as kind of that connection piece. And unfortunately, it’s very sad because our world,  we connect so much online, which is that real connection, but we feel more connected. And at the same time, we so much more disconnected from ourselves and from each other.

Céline Remy 17:03
And so that’s kind of, I see people using it as like, well, it feels like when she’s looking at the camera, she’s looking at me, and she’s telling me, she loves me or she wants me or I’m hot. So I’m living that fantasy for

Kevin Anthony 17:14
that. Well, as long as you understand that, that’s just a fantasy, and you don’t take it seriously, or literally, it can be a benefit. It makes

Céline Remy 17:21
you feel better. So hey, anything that does make you feel better can be that bed, right?

Céline Remy 17:32
Well, the other good benefit of porn is that it’s definitely a form of, of safe sex. That is true,

Kevin Anthony 17:38
totally safe sex, you’re not gonna get any STD or STI’s. No one’s gonna get pregnant, like, totally safe. So

Kevin Anthony 17:51
let’s see, our next one on the list helps you figure out what turns you on. So yeah, you might see certain things on there and go, Oh, I had no idea that I was into that or that I would potentially be into that. Because you never know, once you actually try the real thing you might be like, that was a veteran born? Yes. And not so much in real life.

Céline Remy 18:10
Yeah, we have a whole episode on sexual fantasies versus reality, debunking the myths where we interviewed an erotic author, and she talks a lot about that. So check that one out if you haven’t listened to it, because yes, it’s true. Sometimes in your head is much better than in reality. And then remember that porn is great entertainment. It’s entertaining. And it’s entertainment.

Kevin Anthony 18:39
Yeah, it’s totally entertainment. And you know, just like when you watch any other movie, you’re like, yeah, it’s just a movie. Well, when you watch porn, remember, it’s just a movie.

Céline Remy 18:48
Yeah, this is really what came up. Like when we were talking about that prepping for this episode. And I was like, you know when you watch an action movie, a spy movie, and you like you can identify with the hero and his kick-ass and all there’s an idea. It’s like, activating your inner bad guy, or good guy or whatever it is. And then you’re like, yeah, and it was just a movie.

Céline Remy 19:06
You’ll leave it there. Why don’t people do the same thing with born where you kind of go like a watch it and you’re like, this was a good movie, and I live it. They’re like, I don’t bring the expectations. Like, or like the things in real life.

Kevin Anthony 19:19
Hey, I identify with the man with the 10-inch penis. I can’t help it. Sorry.

Kevin Anthony 19:33
Well, it’s just because you didn’t measure it properly.

Céline Remy 19:35
I can’t hurt his ego.

Kevin Anthony 19:43
Yes, it’s a movie, right? It’s That’s all it is. They do edits, right? The guys don’t necessarily last as long and those porn videos as it looks like all kinds of things go wrong. The women aren’t perfect. They have all kinds of issues and problems if you don’t know what I’m talking about, go watch the series on Amazon called Ask a porn star, they will tell you and this is male and female, all about the crazy stuff that goes on. It’s a movie, it’s a movie set, and it’s not real.

Céline Remy 20:14
Yes. And it’s funny because I had a client who came to me and it was like, he’s actually an older gentleman who was still a virgin. Hiss sexual life is porn. He was telling me Okay, so when I watch porn, I see what they do with their body, the way they move or their so the way he props himself, but I’ve got this knee injury. So this doesn’t work. I don’t even know how to, to fold my body this way.

Céline Remy 20:39
And I was like, You do realize that most of the time the positions they take are very uncomfortable, but they just for that particular moment, and they only have to hold it for like two minutes or 30 seconds. It’s not something they are in it for like a half-hour. And I was like you also realize, right that they have got fluffy, like meaning people that will help you get an erection and get you like going. And if the correction comes down, you know, they do things in between, like it’s not always hard rock like going for Howard, and

Kevin Anthony 21:11
they’re probably 15 years younger than he is.

Céline Remy 21:14
And so so yeah, so if you realize that, that porn is entertainment, and it’s not a place to get your education about sex, you’re in a much better place.

Kevin Anthony 21:22
Okay, so that’s a great segue into where porn can be negative. Alright, so remember, remember that time that we gave you at the beginning of this episode, 10 minutes and 13 seconds, let’s talk about that time permitting. That’s a total time spent on a website, right? Think about this, you type in the URL, a webpage comes up, you get the homepage, right. So now you actually have to browse through this site. Maybe you got to find the genre that you’re looking for.

Kevin Anthony 21:54
Once you find the genre you’re looking for, you get all these different videos, and you got to go through the different videos and you know, weed out the ones that are just advertisements and junk weed out the ones that don’t have people that are appealing to you. Oh, that now you found the one that you want. How many minutes do you think that probably took? I’m guessing fastest? About two to three minutes. Yeah. Which means that you’ve got about seven to eight minutes left to actually masturbate to this porn. Assuming that you start masturbating the second that the prep comes on, which also probably doesn’t happen.

Kevin Anthony 22:34
So what I’m trying to get across here is that if you’re especially if you’re a man, you are training yourself to ejaculate way too quickly, way too quickly. So you know, we’ve given this stat and I don’t even know how many episodes of this show so far. But that in depending on the study that was done, the average man ejaculates in three to five minutes or five to seven minutes. Okay, it’s all under 10 minutes. Let’s just put it that way. And you are actually training your body to do that. If you put on a clip, masturbate within less than 10 minutes, and then you’re done with your porn. And the stats show us that this is true. Yes. Like, this is not just like, oh, some guys do that.

Kevin Anthony 23:21
But everybody else is like, know if the average is 10 minutes. Yeah, there’s gonna be some above the average. But that means 50% are below the average. So this is one of the things that we teach in our master your jacket nation, we also talk about it in power up your actions. But the idea is if you’re having trouble as a guy lasting long enough to satisfy your woman, and you know, we talked about what is long enough and all that and other episodes. But if you’re having trouble, and you’re using porn regularly, you might want to see the habits that you’re creating when you’re using poor.

Céline Remy 23:56
Absolutely. And then also like the habit that you created to exactly quickly as soon as you’re sexually aroused and turned on. Do you really think your body knows the difference? Oh, this is me in front of my computer and my screen you know I can do this quickly and then oh, now this is me you know sexy situation know if there’s a hot woman. It’s like, No, no, it’s no different. As soon as you like getting turned down and excited. The whole thing of like excitement the ejaculation happens. And you’re like, Well, why did I come too soon?

Kevin Anthony 24:26
Yeah, it trains you to go from zero, which is not turned on to 10 which is ejaculate like way

Céline Remy 24:30
too quick. pretty much instantly. Yes. And you do this enough time, which is daily for many. Some stats were saying that some people spend as much as five hours a week on porn sites.

Kevin Anthony 24:40
Wow. It’s training. Yeah. Well, think about that, though. How many times you do that. So if you do that, you know, once a day, even, you know, every day, the week

Céline Remy 24:49
that’s over an hour.

Kevin Anthony 24:50
Yeah. But think of like, you know, repetition is how you get good at anything. Right? If you want to learn to play the guitar, right? We got a bunch of guitars hanging here in the background. You got to play every day. That’s how you learn how to do it. And it’s anything else you want to get good at anything, you have to do it all the time. So if you’re doing this to porn all the time, you’re training yourself to be good at being bad in bed.

Céline Remy 25:14
Oh, that was very powerful. Make sure you listen to that one again. Okay, the second thing that we see that porn has negative effects is that it can become addicting. And there are different opinions when it comes to what truly happens. Does it raise your dopamine level and your brain which in terms of makes you want to always go go go after the pleasure? And then you addicted to that or does it not? You’ll find Bob’s cooler thoughts. Here’s what I have noticed from experience from working with so many different people is our brains ourselves tip, right? And we can it’s not so much what you use, it’s how you use it.

Céline Remy 25:55
And so I at the basic point is neither good or bad. porn is entertainment porn is what it is, the way you use it, and how you approach it is what makes it more or less addicting. And so if you’re one person who can never masturbate without watching porn, you’ve probably become more addicted to it than you should. If you can go on throughout your day without thinking about porn or having to be on porn sites for at least once or twice a day, then you probably are addicted. If you’re having sex with an actual woman in your thinking, it’s not as good as what porn gives me, you’re probably addicted to that. And we’re addicted to lots of small things.

Céline Remy 26:34
We can be addicted to eating cookies and sugars, we can be addicted to social media as I mean, it does hijack our brains and changes how we respond to the stimulus to what we get because of how it’s built. And the only way to decrease the addiction is literally to take breaks. And it’s always the same some people can do it like cold turkey, some people need to like go slowly, literally like if you think you’re in the camp of the addicted, like can you even go for a day for a week without like going crazy thinking about it or having to hold yourself back chain yourself to your desk and like lock the computer? He cannot then yeah, that never be a problem.

Kevin Anthony 27:16
Yeah, I mean, anything can be addictive, right? Like there are people that get addicted to exercise, even though technically exercise is good for you. And people get addicted to you know when there was that whole fad about how much water you’re supposed to drink. There were people who are addicted to over drinking water, which can also be bad for you, right? So yeah, you can get addicted to anything, it’s just certain things are a little easier to get addicted to the others.

Kevin Anthony 27:37
Sugar, caffeine, you know, nicotine, there are certain things that have that sort of poll. And porn can be one of them. There are plenty of people who use it totally responsible, and they have no problems at all. And there are quite a few people that just literally get addicted to it. So it’s something to be aware of, especially if you know, you have a tendency to have an addictive personality.

Céline Remy 27:59
Yeah, that’s true. And then if you notice that you have sexual issues and problems, then that probably would be one of the first places to start to look at

Kevin Anthony 28:07
Yeah, we’re gonna have to go a little faster on the next one is it gives you a lot of bad sex advice. Okay, so we already said that this is a movie and it’s not real, right? It’s just like, you know, you’re watching an action movie. And you see these people like, they’re standing on top of a plane and then they leap off was the plane explodes and then they grab onto another plane. And then you know, it’s like, you’re watching that going? Yeah, right.

Kevin Anthony 28:33
This is fucking bullshit. You know, porn is the same way. Like, it’s not. It’s absolutely not the reality of what it’s like to have actual sex. And that’s why it’s a little dangerous for young people to watch. Because young people don’t know what they don’t know. And so then they watch porn, and then they think, Oh, I’m going to learn how to have great sex from watching porn. Not American porn.

Céline Remy 28:57
Yeah. Okay, the ever Kevin here is about high can desensitize you. And that’s really more about how you use it and what you do. But some men, first of all, they don’t really feel their bodies their cocks anymore, and they have to, like jerk off really fast or put a lot of pressure to start to feel something again. And some of them are in a place where they don’t find being with an actual human being as attractive as what important. And I think that that’s really when it gets in the way.

Kevin Anthony 29:25
Yeah, and you know, we actually watched recently a movie like a regular movie that had to do with this topic. Oh, yeah. It’s called Don john. Yes. And, and what’s very interesting is as a young, very good looking man who’s got all the girls all the super hot ones. And he has sex with them on a regular basis, because he works in a bar. But he’s always disappointed because he has an addiction to porn. And the real thing is never as good as his porn. In fact, they show multiple scenes of him having sex with this, you know, hot woman, and then like live, they’re awake while she’s asleep. And then he goes into the other room and masturbates to porn.

Kevin Anthony 30:04
So it was just a very interesting movie, the way they showed how that can happen that sometimes you can sort of getting addicted to the fantasy of it, and then your reality doesn’t match up to that fantasy. And let’s let’s be honest, if you’re watching porn, you’re most likely watching very attractive people have very, let’s say, abnormally proportions bodies, whether it’s big penises, big breasts, whatever it is, right, and then you look around and you’re like, not only did not your partner’s look like that, you probably don’t even have anybody in your social circle that looks like that. So the real thing just doesn’t compare to what you see in the fantasy realm. And that’s where it can be dangerous.

Céline Remy 30:49
So want to remind you that porn can be used as an aid to pleasure but shouldn’t be the source of your pleasure, right? So it’s kind of something that you can use and bring in. And I would love to explore a little bit now how to use porn. What are the ways for us, right?

Kevin Anthony 31:05
So So yeah, how to use it, how to use it the right way, like how to use it responsibly, how to use it, so that it becomes a positive thing in your life and not a negative thing?

Céline Remy 31:15
Well, first of all, as a couple laughing, it’s such a great opportunity to explore fantasies together to open a dialogue about sex and preferences, you know, wherever you’ve dreamt of having a threesome, and then like, let’s watch a threesome movie together, like porn, and then be like, wow, I liked it. I didn’t like it. This is what came up like this is a great opportunity to talk about these things. And then it’s also easier because you can discuss what you just so so you don’t have to go back to past sexual experiences.

Céline Remy 31:42
Then you get stuck into the performance or the comparison, all of that you can just be like, this is what happened on the screen over there. This is what you know, had inspired me or didn’t. And I think that could be a good opportunity for people who feel a little bit shy to talk about what they want and who don’t know.

Kevin Anthony 31:58
Yeah. So that could be another question benefit, right? Yes, that you can use it to talk about the things that you like, don’t want that sort of thing. But so let’s say now you’re actually getting into your you, you’ve already determined that you’re going to use it. So how should you use it responsibly? All right, well, the first thing is to use it moderately. It’s like anything else, you know, use it moderately, like don’t make it become your every single day thing.

Kevin Anthony 32:23
Every single time you have sex thing. Like use it occasionally here and there when you need something different or you want to talk about the things that you like, or don’t like or whatever, but just use it moderately.

Céline Remy 32:36
Use it to get turned on. And don’t always masturbate while you were while you watch. So you don’t always create that habit. Leg that it’s not always like I masturbate, I come to porn. It’s like, Hey, I watch porn, I get to browse, and then I go on with my day, or I go and touch myself about the porn like watching it. So that’s another way of using it.

Kevin Anthony 32:56
Yeah, and here, here’s another big one for the guys, which is you have to use it as long as you want to last in bed with a woman, right? So if your number is like, hey, I want to be able to last 20 minutes, and but you’re always masturbating and ejaculating to porn in under 10 minutes? Well, you’re training yourself the wrong way, right? So you have to, you have to actually get through maybe two or three clips. And get yourself to that 20 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 33:25
And I would also suggest, as you sort of just did with the previous one, which is maybe you don’t ejaculate at all, maybe you watch your 10 minutes, or your 20 minutes, or whatever it is. And you can masturbate and don’t ejaculate. Yes, I know some guys are going, what, what? What’s going on here? The ground is shaking like something’s happening. It’s like, it’s possible, you can do this, especially if you’ve learned how to separate your orgasm from ejaculation.

Céline Remy 33:57
Absolutely. And then last, but at least is no switching videos sit for something fully, because the way people will go with us born is like about 30 seconds or these 10 minutes, you spend 10 minutes to scout for the one clip that lasts for two seconds that is going to excite you and make you come really quickly.

Kevin Anthony 34:17
Yeah, and they’ll go right for the come shot, right, the money shot or whatever it is. And just be like, Yeah,

Céline Remy 34:23
yes, use it to get off. So yeah, maybe I’ll maybe switch to more of erotica or something slower and sit through it and be like, Oh, this is what it feels like. because trust me, even when you have real sex, it’s not always like super hot all the time. And so you want to be able to be comfortable when it’s not as hot and steamy. Like the old days when we were younger before we had access to porn, you know? And you’d watch Skinemax, I didn’t know you’d have to sit through a whole two-hour movie to get one lame, sexy.

Céline Remy 34:50
And it was just a tiny little bit of it. Like oh my god, I saw the shade of a boob.

Kevin Anthony 34:55
No that was an elbow.

Céline Remy 35:00
As the takeaway remember, porn is fantasy porn is not real life. And, you know, when anytime you use porn, ever use it with your partner, or be honest that you use porn from time to time, don’t make it as something that you hide from your partner, or that takes away. Some people will watch a lot of porn and not give their partner attention anymore, that that doesn’t work.

Céline Remy 35:25
You can’t do that. So make sure it’s not a substitute to if like there are issues in your relationship and you don’t want to deal with it and make sure it whenever you use it and brings you closer to yourself and closer to your partner.

Kevin Anthony 35:38
Yeah, and so the title of this episode asked the question, is porn hurting or helping your relationship? So to sum all of this up, the answer to that question is, it all depends on how you use it.

Céline Remy 35:53
So use it wisely.

Kevin Anthony 35:55
That’s right. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next time week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 36:12
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Celineremy.com. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com. So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 36:29
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 36:30
And remember, you’re amazing