How To Make Sex Better

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin, Anthony, and Céline Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 174. And it is how to make sex better. Everybody wants to know how to make sex better. There are very few people out there who are like, No, I’m good. That’s it’s good enough, you know. And that doesn’t mean that not everybody’s having good sex.

Kevin Anthony 0:51
Because even people who are having great sex, you’re like, she asked if I could make it better tell me how. So we have a list of things to help you have better sex. And it’s not an exhaustive list. We don’t have enough time in this show to give you every possible thing that you could do.

Kevin Anthony 1:11
But there are some of the more common things that we teach and more common things that we hear people ask questions about. So yeah, we’re gonna, we’re gonna cover that. And hopefully, by the time you’re done listening to this episode, you will already be better in bed.

Céline Remy 1:29
Well, that’s quite a goal you’re setting out there? Well, the question is, is it all about techniques? Or does it come down to something else? And so we are going to give it to you straight so that you know exactly where to focus your energy on things that truly matter and make a difference. But before we get started, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power in mastery.

Céline Remy 1:52
If you want to join the Club of men who are great in bed, aha, those who know how to make sex better, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men, whether you want to have harder erections, last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 2:14
And if you are a woman, they’re listening to this and you man to this course of buying it for him. Or even do it together. While it is geared toward men a lot of it is to be applied to also if you’re in a partnership, we have some couples who go through it together. And then they get to discuss the topics and get the opinion from their partner. Right, they’re

Kevin Anthony 2:35
highly recommended that you work together on that make much better progress.

Céline Remy 2:41
Yeah, it works better when you’re both working on the same team and then pulling the same direction rather than like each trying to do your own thing and like canceling out each other’s effort.

Kevin Anthony 2:51
Absolutely. Okay, so let’s dive in. Number one, most of you aren’t going to want to hear this, but we’re gonna say it anyway, you got to get in shape. Let’s be honest, sex is a physical activity. Not only that, but a lot of the erection problems that men suffer from are a direct result of the physical condition of the rest of their bodies.

Kevin Anthony 3:20
So if you really want to be great in bed, you got to be fit. I mean, you don’t have to be like a bodybuilder or anything like that. But you got to have some basic fitness, like from a guy’s point of view, you’re going to be on the top right now, most guys are significantly bigger than their women. Not always. But even if they’re not, like you don’t want to be crushing your woman when you’re on the top right.

Kevin Anthony 3:42
So what do you do? Can you hold yourself up? Can you hold yourself up like that for an hour? Can you do it? I bet most people can’t. Right? So it doesn’t matter what position it may be. Maybe she likes to be you know, held up against the door jamb, right? Like, can you actually hold her up? Can you do it?

Céline Remy 4:03
And if you like to be held up, are you in? You know, the right wait for your person to do that for you? Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 4:10
exactly. I mean, what if you’re a woman and you know, you love being on top in that position where you’re like, basically sort of squatting not just on your knees? I mean, can you do that for more than five minutes before your thighs are on fire? And you’re like, Okay, I gotta stop this right? Yeah,

Céline Remy 4:29
so sex is a physical activity. So get in shape and don’t skip over that also when you are in shape. And you know, we going to do two things here. There’s the physical shape, but there’s also the health shape too. When you have underlying health conditions and issues it will affect your libido it will affect your ability to have sexual desire to go the distance and I think you know, we didn’t really specifically write it down in our tips but I will throw in like, look at hormones.

Céline Remy 5:01
And we’ve just done a couple of shows. So if you’ve been following us, you know that we’re pretty big on bioidentical hormones and that they do make a difference in how you respond in the bedroom. And so, if you want to have better sex, and you’ve, you know, you’ve checked out the things that you can do in terms of physical, you don’t have underlying health issues, but things are still not working properly for you mentally, like you may not have the sexual drive.

Céline Remy 5:25
Or if your man you know, have the erections that you want to have, then that’s when you have to go to your hormones and get that in shape as well. And then last but not least, we will mention that a lot of the medications that people are on even though they are, let’s say, common, it’s very common for these medications to have massive side effects and affect your libido and affect your sexual responses. So you want to look at that as well.

Kevin Anthony 5:53
Absolutely. So there’s, there’s a lot there. And I know a lot of people now they’re telling me, I got to go work out, but really, you do, you just you got to be in good shape if you want to have a sex drive if you want to be able to physically do it. Alright, let’s move on to number two on the list, which is to slow things down. It’s amazing to me like, I don’t know, I was gonna say, well, I’ll finish the first thought, which is, it’s amazing to me how many people don’t slow down.

Kevin Anthony 6:29
And one of the reasons that are amazing to me is just because it’s been a huge part of, you know, sex for me for a long time. So I guess maybe I just sort of think it’s totally normal. And I forget that other people are like, oh, yeah, right. Well, when working with couples, sometimes you lead them through these exercises, you’re like, Okay, now you’re gonna do this, you’re gonna give to him or her. And then they’re like, like, robotic going through the motions.

Kevin Anthony 7:00
And let me get to the next thing. Let me get to the next thing. Let me get to the next thing. And I’m like, I mean, granted, they’re probably a little nervous because they’re, they’re working with us, you know, and then in the position of learning, and they have to demonstrate but, but still, like, I’m like, wow, really, is this how you’re going through your sex life

Céline Remy 7:20
and slowing down, you basically start to feel more. And for some people, that’s when it gets scary. Because once you start to pause to slow things down, shit gets real. And then you got to be vulnerable, and you’ve got to be intimate, and there are feelings and emotions that come up. And then sensations too. And most people have what I call a pleasure ceiling, where they go like, this is how high I can go in my pleasure.

Céline Remy 7:48
And in, in what I can feel in my body, and once they hit that ceiling, they kind of have to bring the energy down because they like they can’t get over that. And one of the biggest things that we like to do is to help people go through that ceiling and remove it so that they can continue to expand to higher levels. Now, what happens is, most people are just afraid, they are afraid of what they don’t know, they’re afraid of losing control of what could happen.

Céline Remy 8:18
And so they hold on, and that’s how they’re not able to really fully enjoy. And you know, I’m saying that, and I am just as well guilty of that sometimes I get stuck in my head sometimes. You know, the other day, I was telling Kevin, I was like, I really want to do like a sex session where I get to fully surrender because it’s been a while that I have really let go and screamed in orgasms and, and just gave myself fully to the experience.

Céline Remy 8:48
I’ve been more like getting things done doing this a certain way, the light bearer in my head or something with a purpose. And I was like, it’d be really nice to experience a deep surrender. But it doesn’t just happen like by accident. I mean, sometimes it can you have to create a container for it, you have to create space for it.

Kevin Anthony 9:08
Yeah, and I love you brought that part up about the ceiling. And a lot of people are kind of thinking like, really, I’m pretty sure I can experience like as much as I want. But we were just this past weekend, we were at a business seminar where they were talking about, you know, how to be more successful at your business, how to make more money, how to, you know, dominate the industry that you’re in.

Kevin Anthony 9:31
And one of the things they talked about was that this is funny because I know you didn’t get this from that because we’ve talked about this many times before. But they really talked about the fact that they’re most people have a ceiling as to how successful they think they can be. And so I bring that up to say that. There are like, that ceiling could show up in any area of your life. Right. So maybe the ceiling is about how much money you can make.

Kevin Anthony 9:55
Maybe it’s about you knowing how high a title position you’re job you can add, maybe it’s about how much love you can experience. And maybe it’s about what you can experience in the bedroom when it comes to sex. But people do this all the time they put limits on themselves. So definitely don’t want to do that. The other thing I just want to mention quickly with slowing down is something I just did a video about this a few weeks ago on YouTube, if you didn’t see it, it was talking about the tantric pause.

Kevin Anthony 10:25
We’ll talk about it a little bit more later on in one of our other tips. But the idea is, as soon as you penetrate as a man to just pause, one of the things that we see a lot of men do is penetrate, and they’re off to the races. And that often leads to premature ejaculation. So the idea is, slow down, slow down, slow down, remove any ceiling to how much pleasure you think you could possibly experience,

Céline Remy 10:53
and give yourself time to explore. Alright, number three, learn how to last as long as you want. And that was more specifically applied to the men because for most women, we don’t really have that issue per se. But I will say that a lot of women go satisfied with one orgasm, and go like that’s it. I’m done. And limit

Kevin Anthony 11:17
themselves. I have my orgasm. Yeah. But how much more could you possibly experience if you allow that energy to build.

Céline Remy 11:25
So for the men listening, this comes down to understanding how your body, how your body works and being able to control your body rather than being controlled by it.

Kevin Anthony 11:39
Yeah, control your body rather than being controlled by it. What I’m going to add to that you should learn to control your mind, rather than being controlled by it. Not just your body, but your mind as well. And most people are on autopilot, the mind is dictating how they feel and what they do, rather than them telling their mind how they feel and what they’re going to do.

Kevin Anthony 12:03
Alright, number four, learn how to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. So this is similar to number three, not quite, because there are other ways to last as long as you want. But one of the ways to do that is to learn how to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation. So of course, we’re talking primarily for men here. But this is huge. This is absolutely huge. We’ve said this so many times on the show.

Kevin Anthony 12:31
And sometimes I’m like, Man, I’m sure the audience doesn’t want to hear me say this again. But it’s relevant over and over and over again, which is that, you know, most men ejaculate when you know, three to five minutes in one study five to seven minutes in another study. And most women do not orgasm until 20 to 30 minutes. You need as a man to learn how to at least be able to go to that 20 to the 30-minute mark.

Kevin Anthony 12:56
And honestly, the real magic we have found starts to happen around the 40-minute mark. So you got two ways to go. How do you get there? One of the ways is to be able to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation so that you can move that energy you can feel orgasmic sensations as a man without actually ejaculating. Why is that important? Well, if you don’t ejaculate, there’s no refractory period, you don’t lose your erection, you can keep going.

Céline Remy 13:24
So I want to come back to a couple of things. Because as you were talking, I was just having some objections coming in my head that we’ve heard in the past. Number one is that people might be thinking, it might be you, like, why would I want this to last longer?

Céline Remy 13:38
You know, I just I’m just happy with it to get it over with. And if that’s you, you’re probably just not having the sex that you want in like in you may not know what you want, and like and have to figure it out. You know,

Kevin Anthony 13:50
what’s amazing about that is when you say that most people are automatically assuming that it’s the woman who’s saying that. Right? And there’s a woman who always wants to get it over with faster. Actually, we have literally heard that from men.

Céline Remy 14:03
Yeah, we’ve heard it both ways. But that I wanted to bring that up, because I know that some people like why would I do that for 40 minutes? Like, who’s a good time or like, well, I can get it done in five minutes. So who cares, right?

Kevin Anthony 14:17
The teacher told me to do an hour’s meditation. I nailed it in 40 minutes. Like, No, you’re not getting the boy.

Céline Remy 14:23
Exactly. And this is why I’m coming back to that point. Because I think it’s essential to understand that and that sometimes I know in some of the comments we get people to say well, but like, why would you want to do this or like really not every woman wants it to last longer.

Céline Remy 14:43
They just wanted to get it done. And it’s true. It’s true that it does happen, but I really truly believe that’s just because they’re allowing life and stress to take over because when you are more relaxed when you’re happy. You’re very happy to dedicate 45 minutes or an hour More to your lovemaking.

Céline Remy 15:02
But when you are into a high-stress level, when you aren’t feeling really good when you have a health challenge, or mental pressure, emotional pressure, it’s more difficult to get there. And sometimes you like, Oh, it’s just one more thing to do. So I just don’t want to do it for long.

Kevin Anthony 15:17
If you can find an hour to watch TV if you can find an hour to waste on social media, right? If you could find an hour, you know, doing anything that sort of numbing you out and useless, you can definitely find an hour to make love. And that hour will be so much more nourishing for your mind, body, and soul than any of that other junk I mentioned.

Céline Remy 15:44
So it’s just an interesting concept that you’re bringing because I was just thinking about that today. And like, you know, what do you put into your body, what kind of media you’re watching books you reading stuff you’re listening to. And it’s the same two ways your sexuality, like what are you putting into your body literally and figuratively, but it’s the quality of it.

Céline Remy 16:08
And so we if you want to get better at sex, which is really the topic of our show today. It’s not just about that technique. While technique matters to like anything, if you’re a musician, you know that you don’t get better by thinking about it, or by getting through your warm up very quickly, you actually have to do things over and over. And it’s the practice.

Céline Remy 16:30
And it’s also having an extended period of time dedicated to that practice, that makes a difference. Just doing it once a week for three hours is not as good as doing it every day for 25 minutes. And with sex, it’s the same, we see that in our sex life when we have periods where we have less sex, it’s harder for you to have control.

Céline Remy 16:51
It’s harder for me to reach higher states of pleasure, quicker as I go like wide, it takes a while to get out of my head. And we feel like kind of a little rusty. And they’re like oh yeah. And when we have sex more often, we notice the difference of how easy it is to let go faster to have higher levels of orgasms to just enjoy it much easier.

Kevin Anthony 17:13
Yeah, there are so many parallels between music and sex. They’re all running through my head since you said that, but we won’t go there. Maybe I’ll do a video on that how music and sex are the same. All right, next on the list.

Céline Remy 17:30
Number five,

Kevin Anthony 17:31
be honest about what you like without fear of judgment. So this is really huge. And there’s so the first part of this is be honest about what you like, which really means you have to do the inner work to really get in there and admit, this is what I like. So in other words, there are so many people out there, and this is true of both men and women. Well, you know, like, maybe it’s a woman, she’s like, I really like anal sex.

Kevin Anthony 17:57
But, you know, it’s kind of this weird thing. And you know, I’m afraid to ask for it because he’s gonna think I’m weird. Or, you know, I mean, I even had a woman once like, very cheap, as cheap as the cheapest plate. I can’t pronounce that word today. Asked me she said, um, would you like, maybe sort of being okay with, you know, locking me in the ass?

Kevin Anthony 18:25
So because she was afraid to ask for it. So you have to get really honest about what is it that you really like? What is it that you really want? What is it that works for you? Because there might be things that are totally normal, that work for most people that simply don’t work for you. And then you know, you’re afraid to say something like, wow, most people that’s the way they that’s normal. That’s the way you do it. So I guess I’ll just go along with it. Right? know, you kind of really know what you want what works for you.

Céline Remy 18:55
You know this is your life. So live it the way you want. This is your body and does whatever your body likes and wants, you find people who will want to play just the way that you like to play. Number six, it’s kind of piggybacking on what we were just talking about earlier about being honest about what you like, which is to communicate, that’s when you have to get very aural about it. This is

Kevin Anthony 19:17
the other side. So the first one was you got to know what you want. The next one is you got to know what your partner wants.

Céline Remy 19:23
Well, yeah, and communicate with each other. And you know, you find out what your partner really likes and wants, you can share what do you like you guys can have discussions on what’s on your bucket list. When we work with couples, we give them this like whole thing that we’ve created with their sexual bucket list to go through and that really opens up the floodgate of communication. Now, what do you communicate?

Céline Remy 19:45
Do you communicate during sex? Do you communicate at different times? Our recommendation is to talk about sex before talking about sex in between sex, but don’t talk so much during I’ve always got to be in your head. Now it’s one thing to be like, hey, oh, I love what you just did do that again, you know, I will say that I’m guilty sometimes when Kevin does something, or Oh, how did you do that? Break it down, I need to teach this or we need to do it. This is a little different.

Kevin Anthony 20:16
But that’s why we’re the Love Lab.

Céline Remy 20:19
Yes. But ultimately, you want to talk about those things. That’s funny, because it’s one of the biggest aha, that couples who work with us have is that they reopen the lines of communications. And it’s like, it’s the basics. But when people have been together for a long time, they assume that they know what the other person wants. And like, see, they just operate from that. And everybody is in constant evolution.

Céline Remy 20:44
And what you may have liked sexually 10 years ago can be very, very different than what you currently like. So if you’ve been with your partner for many years, you can’t assume that what they lacked, in the beginning, is still what they want, and like right now, and then also going through life, you know, we have different things like pregnancy hormones, andropause, menopause.

Céline Remy 21:04
I mean, all of these things, they change us have challenges. All of these things create, like different challenges, sometimes right? opportunities for growth, for all of us, to evolve and change. So it’s important to stay fresh and stay constant.

Kevin Anthony 21:22
Yeah. So why don’t we do our ad before we go on with our list?

Céline Remy 21:28
Well, if you are a committed couple who feels stuck in a rut, and just going through the daily motions, instead of connecting the way that you used to, and you’re tired of stale, mechanical sex that lacks spontaneity and fun, and you don’t want to live a life of average, then Kevin and I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple platinum program.

Céline Remy 21:49
If you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. So go to selling remi.com forward slash passion to learn more about our program.

Céline Remy 22:03
And we really, really want to invite you like if you are feeling like your life is good, you guys are vibing connecting together, you like best friends, but there’s this one thing when it comes to sexuality, the intimacy part. That’s just not where it needs to be. This is exactly who we love to work with, and who we get the best results from. If you’re already on the verge of divorce, and you’re fighting with each other.

Céline Remy 22:27
That’s not what we do, we’ll send you to a therapist. But if you still love each other, and you want to make this work, and you want to take it to levels that you’ve never been to

Kevin Anthony 22:37
book a call with us. Yeah, and you’re everything that we’re talking about here, we’re telling you, we’re giving you ideas, but we’re not giving you the how-to. It’s not because we’re saying if you are wanting to get to have to it’s 49.95. You know, it’s not that it’s just that we couldn’t possibly teach all of this in a 30 to the 40-minute podcast format. So

Kevin Anthony 22:57
But working with us, is where we do have an opportunity to really get into the nuts and bolts on how to make this work for real in your life. Okay, let’s move on number seven on our list, be present, and into it pay attention to every detail. So, you know, these are always in an order that makes sense. Well, I tried to put them in an order that makes sense.

Kevin Anthony 23:21
And so the last one was to communicate, right, and find out what your partner likes and wants. The next one is to be present in it and pay attention. So they’re similar in a sense that, you know, number six was all about talking beforehand. Okay, here’s what I like, here’s what I generally want.

Kevin Anthony 23:39
But in the process of making love, like when you’re actually in it at that moment, you have to be totally present, and focusing on what’s happening at that moment, and paying attention to your partner. And this goes for both men and women. We tend to talk about this a lot from the man paying attention to the woman but the woman needs to pay attention to the man as well especially if she’s on top and she’s riding him.

Kevin Anthony 24:03
She damn well better be paying attention to what’s going on because of one wrong move and it’s like snap, crackle, pop, and show over, right? Not

Céline Remy 24:12
even just that but like she has per se the power to take him over his head. Yes, he can decide when and how quickly he comes. And then you know, paying attention to is like, how is he enjoying it like some someone sometimes just thinks, well, he’s a guy like he doesn’t really need the connection, the intimacy and all of that.

Céline Remy 24:32
But as men get older, they want that they crave it just as much and it’s important to include that and not just a penis. They have a whole body and they do like it to be included.

Kevin Anthony 24:43
Absolutely. I am not just a penis. Alright, but if you want to just focus on my penis, I’ll take it.

Céline Remy 24:53
Yeah, what’s the difference? Like vaginas? Women were like, well, yeah, I’m more than just a pussy but it’s Well, but give my heart and my attention and my body and that get to my policy and guess like, I’m not just a penis, I have a heart per se. But if you just give my penis attention, it’s fine.

Kevin Anthony 25:11
Well, you know, especially that you’re right, as the older we get, the more we crave that connection and that bonding. And actually, we’ve been saying that for years. And we just found out the reason for that recently, because there are things that you can observe, right. And a lot of what we do is observe how people operate and what works and what doesn’t work.

Kevin Anthony 25:30
And like, here’s the formula for what works. But you don’t always necessarily understand the mechanism behind it. We actually just found out recently that one of the reasons why men crave more bonding and intimacy as they age, it’s because of their testosterone levels job, and progesterone levels job. So they suddenly become a bit more on their estrogen levels tend to go up as a matter of fact. So they tend to start moving more into that touchy-feely, I want bonding connection space.

Céline Remy 26:00
This is real.

Kevin Anthony 26:00
It is it absolutely is real. But you know, anything is learned, you know, so like, you know, I can say that a lot of that for me, because I’m not that old yet. Right? You know, I mean, not that young, but I’m not that old yet, either. And I’m not at a point where it’s like, you know, testosterone levels are plummeting. And you know, I’m not in that space.

Kevin Anthony 26:22
And yet, I still, as I get older, crave more of the intimacy and the connection and this sort of depths that comes with that. And I think a lot of that just comes from really knowing what it is that I want in life and what really makes life worth living. What makes life amazing. And yes, sex is great, but it’s here and it’s gone. But the intimacy, the depths, the connection. That’s basically there all the time. It’s there forever. So, anyway, suicide,

Céline Remy 26:57
this is nice.

Kevin Anthony 26:59
Notice men, what that was just doing to her.

Céline Remy 27:03
I nearly got to her died. And like my heart opened, and now my pussy is open. Yeah. Shall we finish this show?

Kevin Anthony 27:09
All right, time to go. I see you all. Alright, not yet.

Céline Remy 27:14
Number eight, go to the edge and back down. And by the way, Kevin, I added something as you were talking. So our notes are slightly different. So you need to go through mine, you know, just saying, because it’s gonna throw you off.

Kevin Anthony 27:26
Yes, yes. Let me see you go and look, pay attention.

Céline Remy 27:29
So let’s talk about going to the edge and back down. And it’s not just for the men because you’ve probably we’ve done shows on edging, we’ve talked about that. We teach that in our courses. And a lot of people know that when it comes to men, Okay, you go close to your edge and come back down. But it works just the same for women.

Céline Remy 27:47
What I see happens independently of people’s gender is that when they get into a sexually aroused state, they tend to just be focused on that destination and how quickly they get there. And I often talk about it as a genital sneeze, that they just have this like, oh, yeah, it felt good. You might have heard me sneeze earlier to it felt good. Okay, great. So release, but there’s nothing much to it.

Céline Remy 28:15
If you take more time, if you go close to you and back down, you start to build up more energy, so that you don’t have just the genitals knees, it starts to become something much more encompassing and full-body experience. And when you allow yourself to do this to you will generate more sexual energy, you can also start to use that sexual energy to open up your heart to provide healing in your body to create more love with your partner.

Céline Remy 28:46
And we’ve talked about sex magic in another show. Also. I know because there are so many episodes and so many things we’ve done in the past like you can go back and find all of that. But the idea here is to not just go for the first sensation to back down and serve those waves of pleasure.

Kevin Anthony 29:04
Exactly. We call it riding the waves or surfing the waves. And the cool thing about these waves, if you’re learning surfers out there, the more waves you try, the bigger they get. Not always true when you’re on a surfboard.

Céline Remy 29:20
So we’re going to talk about number nine and then number 10 Because they are a go kind of together here. Number nine is to include the clit because let’s be real for most woman’s ability to orgasm it is click connected, and even if you can orgasm from vaginal penetration, if you know more about the clitoris and go back to the episode about the truth about the clitoris we dove in details into that the clitoris is not just a button it has legs it goes it’s it goes deep inside the vagina.

Céline Remy 29:52
Some people specialize that theorize that every orgasm is somewhat related to it connected to the Literally because of that. And so you want to include the clitoris because it’s a button of pleasure, and so much more. And without it, it’s much harder to have orgasms. So if you want to get better at sex, but add that in.

Kevin Anthony 30:13
Yeah. And I will say, you know, you said a button of pleasure. And then you said more alluding to the fact that it’s actually way bigger than that little bit that you see sticking out. I believe we did a whole episode on anatomy

Céline Remy 30:26
of. So I said the truth about the clitoris. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 30:29
So go back and listen to that one, if you haven’t. Also, if you work with us, whether you work with Celine, you work with the two of us, or your work with me, we include a whole section on that, where we teach you all about that. And trust me, it’s eye-opening for most people.

Céline Remy 30:47
Number 10, you want to include your sex muscles. And those are really essential and so essential that we’ve also done a show on that on cables and pelvic floor muscles. Here’s the thing, if you’re, you know, if you look at what an orgasm is, an orgasm is a rhythmical contraction of your muscles.

Céline Remy 31:06
And then there are some hormones that are being released. But if your muscles are weak, and you don’t have a good muscle tone, the orgasms are going to be weak as well.

Kevin Anthony 31:16
Yeah, and that is what I want to add into that really quickly. You know, we talked in the beginning about being in shape. If you’re a guy who is in shape, and you’re thinking, I’m already in shape, I got big biceps, look at my pecs, there’s no problem does not in any way mean that your sex muscles are strong because they’re often not unless you’re focusing on it.

Kevin Anthony 31:38
And then you sometimes have the other problem, too, which is, they’re super tense and contracted all the time.

Céline Remy 31:44
Absolutely. And that’s where I was heading is that for most people, that’s where they get stuck. It is that’s hyper attention. And that’s what we need to work on. But your sex muscles are essential. It’s one of the biggest secrets to have better sex. And see it doesn’t require anything else from the outside.

Kevin Anthony 32:03
All right, let’s move on to what is actually number 11. Now be willing to experiment, whether it’s for sex toys, or different types of sex, or whatever. But the idea is, be willing to experiment. If you really want to have great sex, you’ve got to try different things.

Kevin Anthony 32:21
And too many people get stuck in it’s this position, this position, or maybe this went on a crazy day, and they just keep going through the motions doing the same thing all the time. No wonder they get bored. Right? So you got to try new things, experiment with something due to the new place, try going longer than you usually go try

Céline Remy 32:43
cooperate sex tours, try an edible and see how it affects you. You know, you may not like it, but at least you tried something you

Kevin Anthony 32:50
we’ve done some experiments speaking. And we were like, really didn’t work for us. It really, really made the sex worse, honestly. And we laughed about it. We’ve tried some positions that were total failures, like shaking our heads going, that was a disaster. But it was fun anyway,

Céline Remy 33:12
which kind of leads to our last point about that fun. And that playfulness, which is our number 12, which is all about being playful, having more fun, people take sex too seriously. And that’s a problem. They address it like, I want to make it better. I’m going to learn this, I think I’m going to show up like this. That’s going to be the serious thing. Now,

Kevin Anthony 33:31
in the immortal words of Larry Flynt, you know, who is the Hustler magazine guy? Relax, it’s just sex.

Céline Remy 33:41
Yes. And so bring that playfulness, we always say, connection over perfection. And if you can really remember that, that will make the biggest difference in just the quality of the interaction that you’re having with your partner.

Kevin Anthony 33:57
Yeah. You know, I think I mean, all of these tips are fantastic. But I think that one is so big because if people can really do it, it takes a lot of the pressure off. And too many people have way too much pressure on themselves, and then they put way too much on their partner and that starts to make sex difficult.

Céline Remy 34:17
Oh, he’s gonna come she’s gonna have an orgasm right now. She had this Screaming Orgasm last night. I want her to do that. Again. Like the more pressure, you put on your partner like this, even if it’s like a good thing like an orgasm. The hardest is going to be for them to let go into enjoying the process. The more you want to pressure her to orgasm, the less she will walk it wanted overtime.

Céline Remy 34:40
That’s one of the biggest problems we see is I know guys want to do well and they want to please their women. And then they put that pressure out there and it just doesn’t work for the woman, especially long term and it doesn’t really work for the men either. So it works both ways.

Kevin Anthony 34:59
Yes. Okay, so that was our list of tips. But we do have a bonus. But wait, there’s more.

Céline Remy 35:08
You made it all the way to the end. So you’re gonna get some frosting tips, bonuses, because, hey, we showed you that to be better sex, it’s not all about the technique, actually, a lot of it is about your mindset, your physical shape, your emotions, all of these things that need to be in place.

Céline Remy 35:25
But there are a few things that we talked about, like your pelvic floor muscles, your sex muscles that you want to be good at, and, and things like that. And for men, when it comes to for us staying, there’s a few things you can do that will make a difference and take this whole thing of, you know, screwing into the next level.

Kevin Anthony 35:44
Yeah, you know, we did a YouTube video on this. And we’re always trying to think of like, you know, what, what would be things that would be helpful, what are things that a lot of people probably don’t know. And we tried to put as much helpful information out there as possible.

Kevin Anthony 35:58
But we don’t always know what people are going to like and what they’re not going to like. So we actually did a video on this, and people loved it. And so we thought it would be really appropriate to incorporate here in the show. So if you haven’t seen that video, you’re going to get it now. And you can always go back and watch the video as well because we’ll cover a little bit more in-depth.

Céline Remy 36:17
So the first tip is one that we’ve already talked about that Kevin talked about earlier with that tantric pause, which is to enter and pause to feel her energy. Don’t just slam and jam when you

Kevin Anthony 36:29
slam Yeah, either one is no good.

Céline Remy 36:34
And it might be awkward, like she sometimes might want to be like, Oh, come on, do me. But it is your responsibility to take over and be like, hold on, women. Take a deep breath. Let’s sink in. And there’s a time

Kevin Anthony 36:48
and a place for everything. So there might be a time when she’s just like, do me now and you’re like, I got this and you do it. But in general, for the most part, that’s not really gonna work for you, especially if you’re really working on how to last longer. It’s definitely not going to work for you to slam itin as Celine said

Céline Remy 37:06
number two, let’s talk about the free basics of thrusting Kevin.

Kevin Anthony 37:11
Speed, depth, and rhythm.

Céline Remy 37:16
That’s it. So you need to know, bead depth and rhythm.

Kevin Anthony 37:20
So what do we mean by that what we mean is very them,

Céline Remy 37:24
oh, you’re in there’s more than one way of frosting.

Kevin Anthony 37:27
That’s right, you can thrust fast, slow, medium, intermittent, you can change the speed up at different times based on how she’s responding. A perfect example of that would be to start off really slow. And then as her energy starts building and she starts moving her hips a lot more, you can start picking up the pace.

Kevin Anthony 37:47
You’ve got depth, you know, she may not want is deep as you like, you know, hitting her in the back of the throat, you know, right away. Maybe she’s like, you know, some just a tip. Yeah.

Céline Remy 38:00
It doesn’t count and rhythm. What is it that women love about their vibrators?

Kevin Anthony 38:07
It is a constant rhythm, and it doesn’t change.

Céline Remy 38:13
And so think about that when you are frosting because you want to bring some of these elements. And personally, I think a COC is so much better than a vibrator. So even if you may not be able to go the same distance as the vibrator, you have something that a vibrator never has. It’s a heart.

Céline Remy 38:30
And it’s an ability to connect no matter how much your vibrator is going to fuck you and make you come it’s not going to really speak to your heart.

Kevin Anthony 38:38
That is very true.

Céline Remy 38:41
That’s like a badass bonus tip frosting. Tip number three

Kevin Anthony 38:45
angle. Who angle do you mean it’s not just straight in? No, it’s not just straight in it could be straight and it could be little to the left a little to the right a little up a little down. And there are multiple pleasure spots inside a woman’s vagina that you could stimulate by changing the angle

Céline Remy 39:04
and there’s also a gyrating motion. It’s not just like hammering it is called screwing you want to have different motions in there too.

Kevin Anthony 39:13
That is also correct.

Céline Remy 39:17
And last but not least, when it comes to thrusting, there is a time of frosting and no frosting. Just going at it like a jackhammer is usually not the way to hit home really

Kevin Anthony 39:35
well, you might hit home but you might not. But and the other thing is to you know if you’ve really taken to heart what we’ve talked about and you’re able to go a long time and you’re able to ride the waves. This is absolutely essential if you’re going to ride the waves. Even if you take her through this huge screaming explosive. She just female ejaculate and all over your orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 39:58
She’s not going to want that same speed of thrusting that took her there, she’s gonna be like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, so back back back down a little bit.

Kevin Anthony 40:13
So you might bring it down to medium or slow, or maybe a total pause. If you were able to achieve that level of ecstatic, orgasmic energetic bliss between the two of you, I challenge you to both stops moving for a minute. And just pay attention to how that feels, how that energy circulating through your body actually feels.

Céline Remy 40:41
Lovely. Well, let’s go put these tips into practice given Yes.

Kevin Anthony 40:45
All right. That’s all the time. All right. Well, I don’t know. If I can convince you not to edit the show after we record this. And that might happen. But anyway, we hope that this was helpful. Once again, if you need help with any of this stuff, do not hesitate to reach out.

Kevin Anthony 41:05
As we said, this is not an exhaustive list of things. So if you have any other ideas that you want us to talk about, let us know. Give us comments, send us messages. Tell us what kind of stuff do you want to know more about and we will add it to one of our upcoming shows. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 41:34
We hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 41:42
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 41:54
vault. Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing.