How To Find Your Soul Mate

Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom, and your relationships.

All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 271. And it is titled How to find your soul mate. Before I jump into what exactly I’m going to be talking about today, I just want to address if you’ve been a longtime listener to this show, you know that the intro has always been Céline. And I, I did not want to change that for a long time. But as we are at the one-year anniversary, or just about, of Céline’sf passing, I felt it was time to change that. I still get a lot of inquiries from publicists, guests, and people that want to be on the show asking about Celine because I still had her in the artwork. I still had her in the titles. I still had her in the intros, all that kind of stuff. And it was time to stop explaining to people why it’s just me. So I re-recorded the podcast intro and you will be hearing that from now on as we go forward.

All right. Having said that back to the topic of this show, which is how to find your soulmate. So I am going to talk a little bit about soulmates. But the episode isn’t really so much about soulmates in particular, because that’s kind of a loaded term. But it ranks well when you’re looking at titles. So there you go. But what I am really going to be talking about is how to find sort of your person, you can call it the right one, you can call it soulmate, you can call it twin flame, whatever you want to call it. There are just so many people out there who are looking for the right person to be with. And I hear all the time when I do coaching, I mean all the time, so many of the single men that I coach, say the same thing. I’m looking for that person, and I don’t understand why I can’t find her. I don’t know what to do to find her. So that’s really what this episode is going to be about. We’re going to talk about what does soulmate really mean versus twin flame versus the right one? Where do you start? Right? So there’s gonna be some things to do to start. What do you do after that? Where do you find her? What do you do when you meet her? Now you’re dating what next? Right? So it’s going to cover all of those sorts of courtship topics, practices, if you will. So yeah, that’s what we’re going to talk about on this show, I think it’s going to be really helpful because I know this is a conversation I have with almost every single client that I work with. So I think this is going to be very, very valuable. And even if you’re in a relationship, this might still be valuable to you. Because you might be questioning whether or not you’re in the right relationship. And so what you’re going to learn here in this episode might help you figure that out.

Okay, before we jump into the material, a short word from my sponsor Power and Mastery 3.0 is here the men’s Sexual Mastery program you have heard about on the show for a long time is now even better. I have personally reviewed every module lesson video, audio, and PDF to see if there’s anything new that needed to be added. As a result, I have added 10 New videos one new audio eight new PDFs, and dozens of links to handpick products to help support your journey to mastery. In addition, there’s also a brand new user interface that makes it easy to navigate the course and find your course materials. So if you’re ready to become the sexual Master, you have always wanted to be then go now to powerandmastery.com That is powerandmastery.com. And the program is amazing. We have always gotten great feedback. And I finally had a chance to do all of the things that Céline And I wanted to do with this 3.0 version. So I know that she would be proud and happy that I have added to that and brought into creation, fruition, whatever term you want to use many of the ideas that we had over the years that we were selling and recommending this program, so go check it out at powerandmastery.com.

Okay. So, the episode title is how to find your soul mate. Now, as I mentioned in the intro soulmates, is kind of a loaded term, and I use it in the title because it is something that people are looking for. And so when you’re coming up with a title for an episode, you want to create a title that people are actually looking for. So that when they go on their podcast or app, or they go, you know, to YouTube, or whatever it is, and then they want to find a video on a particular topic, what words are they typing it right? So that’s really why I use the term soulmate because a lot of people use that term. But I want to really define what that is, versus some of the other terms that you’ve heard out there. Maybe, you’re not necessarily looking for the right thing, but let’s find out. Okay? So soulmate is generally considered to separate individual souls that are so similar that they feel like they are cut from the same cloth. The purpose of meeting your soulmate is to further your spiritual growth and do your spiritual work. So that’s, that’s sort of the definition of what a soulmate is.

And I think probably the most important thing there is to individual souls that are so similar, that they feel like they’re of the same cost. So what does that really mean like to people who are really compatible, who have a lot, a lot of the same likes and dislikes and interests and habits and things like that, where it makes it easy, where it feels like, wow, I don’t have to explain myself, I don’t have to justify, I don’t have to give up things that I love. Or I can enroll my partner in doing these things with me because my partner loves them also. So that’s really, I think, sort of the key part of soulmate Now, whether or not you believe that this person was the one specifically set aside for you before you showed up here on Earth, that’s a whole other topic. And you can choose to believe that or not. But really, if you think about it, if you look at the definition, to separate individual souls that are so similar that they feel like they are kind of the same cloth, well, maybe that cloth was big. And maybe there was more than one cut from that cloth, right? So don’t necessarily limit yourself to thinking that this one person was the one and there’ll never be another one just like that. Well, that’s true, there won’t be another one just like that. But there may be another one that is just as much your soulmate. And that’s important. One of the early clients I worked with a couple of years ago when I was getting back into doing men’s coaching after a long break, had met this woman. And he you know, it didn’t last very long. And they ended up going their separate ways. But he was absolutely convinced that this was the woman for him and that no other person would do. And that’s where I think we kind of fall into a trap sometimes with the whole idea and concept of soulmates and twin flames, which I’m going to get to next.

Okay, so definition of a twin flame? It’s a concept that comes from ancient philosophy, mystics sages, that says that at the time your soul is created, it splits into two where one half is the divine masculine and one half is the divine feminine. So this, this idea, basically of twin flames is that your soul split into two and is inhabiting two bodies, a masculine body and a feminine body. And that when they come together, there’s this feeling of completion. I’m sure you remember the famous movie line You complete me. Right? That’s, that’s the idea of the twin flame.

Does it exist? Maybe? Maybe not. Honestly, I don’t really know. But I don’t think that somebody should be necessarily holding out or waiting their whole life for this twin flame to show up. Now another thing that I asked See when it comes to twin flames is people claiming that their partner is a twin flame. But then you watch the relationship, and it is a complete shit show, right? And then they tell you that, well, I can’t break up with this person because they’re my Twin Flame. Let me just say this. If this truly was your soul that split in two and is now reunited, it wouldn’t be a shitshow, it wouldn’t be, there’s no way that your own soul has that much conflict within itself that your relationship becomes a shitshow I just don’t buy it. I think that when I see those, and I’ve seen a lot of them, I think there’s no way you’re actually twin flames, you’re just, you’re believing that and you’re using that as an excuse to stay in a dysfunctional relationship that’s not serving either of you. So don’t get too caught up in the idea of twin flame.

Now, this concept of soulmates and twin flames, we could talk a lot more about it, there’s a lot more that could be said, it’s not really the purpose of this episode. But I wanted to get those definitions out of the way right from the start. If you want to hear more about that way back when several years ago, Céline and I did an episode, it was episode 73, and it was all about soulmates and twin flames. So you can go ahead and look for that if you want more info on that particular subject. I will of course have it linked in the description, so it’s easy for you to find. So there’s one more type I want to talk about aside from soulmate and twin flame. And that is what I’m calling the right partner. And I think that this is a bit more realistic for most people. So what do I mean by the right partner? For you, really. So rather than thinking about soulmates and twin flames, I think it’s more realistic to talk in terms of finding the person that is really the right fit for you. And I think that’s really what’s most important, is don’t get caught up in that it’s my soul that split into two or this is the one soulmate that was cut from the teeny tiny piece of cloth and there was no more cloth to ever, you know, okay, all right, but just don’t get so caught up in that what you really want to do is you want to find the person that is right for you.

Now, you have heard many, many times in lots of romantic comedy movies and TV shows. Well, how do you know it’s the right one? And then the person says, Well, you just know, well, there is some truth to that. Sometimes you do just know, it’s a feeling that you have, like, whoa, this person is amazing. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for. And there’s also a whole lot more to it than that. If there wasn’t, we could just end the show right now. But there is a lot more to it. And so that is really what the bulk of the show is going to be focused on. So that takes us to where do you start. Where? Where do you start? All right, well, the first place you start is by creating a written list of the qualities, characteristics, behaviors, et cetera, that you want in a partner. It’s a simple step, but almost nobody has done this. I did this before I met Céline. I had a written list of everything. I was so frustrated by my previous relationships, and really wanted to create something better. And I sat down and I said, Okay, what is it? What is it that I’m really looking for? What is it that I really want? How could you possibly know if somebody that you’re interested in that you’re dating, could meet those things if you don’t even know what those things are? Right?

So start by creating a list. And of course, write the list down. I mean, I said to start by creating a written list. So a written list implies writing it down. But I have seen quite a few people that will say, Yeah, I have a list. It’s all in my head. I know what I’m looking for. Okay, that’s better than not having a list. But I strongly suggest that you write it down. When you’re coming up with this list, it’s really important not to limit yourself. Now that sounds obvious. But you would be surprised how many times when we’re trying to create something in our lives. fora manifest. You know, as you’ll, you’ll hear a lot of people in spiritual communities talking about especially New Age spiritual communities, people are trying to manifest something, and they’re writing down what it is they want, you’d be surprised how many of them limit themselves and they don’t even know, they’re limiting themselves. So okay, you’re, you’re an average guy. And you’re writing down your list of what it is that you want in a woman. And when it comes to the looks department, let’s just say you got a scale of one to 10. How many of you would actually write down you’re looking for a 10?

If you’re really being honest, you might say, of course, everybody wants a 10. But if you were being honest, and writing down a list of this is exactly what I’m looking for, in a real person, not some fantasy figure in a movie, or porn, or your dreams or whatever. But a real person that you could actually meet and date, how many of you would write down to 10? Probably most of you wouldn’t. Because you’d say, Look at me, you know, I’m 47 years old and bald, and I got a few extra pounds, and I don’t make a ton of money. Why would a girl like that ever want to date somebody like me? But the point of this exercise is to not do that, to be completely honest with yourself about what it is that you want. And by the way, when we’re talking about looks, departments scale of one to 10. I’ve just given you permission to ask for the 10. But maybe 10 isn’t actually even what you’re looking for. I know somebody a guy years ago, who specifically told me that he doesn’t like to date women that are that hot. Like, His thing was like, now he’s like, I don’t want a woman that hot. He had his own reasons for it. I’m not saying they were necessarily justified. But, you know, he specifically would choose women that were, you know, I mean, I hate to even use a scale. I mean, I was really using it just for illustration purposes, because I don’t even like the idea of ranking people. But for the sake of the conversation, yeah, he would intentionally pick women that were, you know, lower on the scale. And that’s what he liked. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. What is it that you like, you know, what is that you want, it’s, it could be anywhere along any scale? But the point is to just be honest with yourself about what you want and to not limit your beliefs.

So yeah, I just used looks as a scale just because it’s easy to think about, conceptualize, and understand. But it could be anything. It could be, how much money she makes, it could be, you know, maybe you’re into some obscure thing, like, I don’t know, maybe you’re into Viking roleplay, like live-action roleplay or something, you dress up as a Viking, right? Okay, and you really want somebody that’s going to do that with you, like, Would you write that down on the list? Because you’d be like, yeah, how many women out there are going to be into live-action roleplay Viking dress, like, doesn’t matter how many there are out there. If that’s what you’re looking for, put it on the list. That’s the point I’m trying to make here. Don’t allow yourself to be limited by the beliefs that you hold. That may or may not be realistic. And lastly, read the list on a regular basis. So create a list, write it down, don’t limit yourself, and look at the list from time to time, like look at, don’t just write it once and put it away and never look at it again. Keep reinforcing in your mind what it is that you’re looking for. And that’s really the first place to start. You can’t find what you’re looking for if you don’t actually know what you’re looking for. All right. So then what do we do after that? I have a great list. Took a lot of time putting this list together? What the fuck do I do with it?

So that takes us to the next part of this. What do you do after that? Okay, this next one is a huge question because I have every one of my clients ask themselves this question. And it’s an important one. And actually, I was just listening to I don’t remember who it was, I was listening to another expert in the field, the field of you know, sex, love relationships dating like that, that kind of field. And they actually asked the same question. I said, Yes, yes. That is the exact question that I have. All of my clients ask themselves. So I’m going to phrase it in terms of a man who’s seeking a woman however, however, it works Just as well, when a woman is seeking a man, everything that I’m talking about in this episode works just as well in reverse. If you’re a woman, and you’re looking for a man, do the same thing, write down that list, don’t limit yourself, and read the list on a regular basis. And then if you’re a man, ask yourself this. What kind of man would this woman date? I’m going to repeat that one more time, what kind of man would this woman date?

So you’ve created this avatar of who it is that you would like for your partner? What kind of man which you date? And be honest, be honest, if you need help, if you need feedback, show that list to somebody don’t necessarily tell them what it is, and just say, check out this avatar that I created of this woman. What kind of guy would you see her dating? And get some honest feedback from friends? Don’t say, could you see this woman dating me say what do you say? What kind of guy would this woman be with? And you know, whether you’re doing this as a self-assessment, or you’ve asked him friends to help you with it, you got to be really, really, really, really honest about that. Like, what kind of man would this woman likely date? And if you need some help, try to find you know, out in the celebrity world, this is not the greatest example. But try to find somebody out there who roughly meets that description, and then just look, what kind of people have they dated? Or are they married to or whatever?

The idea is, you want to figure out what that woman would be attracted to. What is what is this avatar that you’ve created attracted to? And then comes the second big question, which is sometimes very difficult for people to ask themselves. Am I that person? Right. So if you’re a woman, you’re going to, of course, ask yourself, What kind of woman would that mandate? Right? So if you’re, if your avatar of a man is a successful billionaire, you know, driving his Maserati around, or, or whatever it is, and then you know, okay, well, what kind of woman would that type of man want to date? And then the second question is, am I that person? Am I that woman that that type of man would be interested in? Or am I that man that that type of woman would be interested in? Right? So it’s a man, this is a tough one for a lot of people. Because a lot of times, if they’re really honest, and they sit down, they go I’m not really that guy, or I’m not really that woman. Right?

You really have to be honest about that. But here’s the thing. And Joe, do not get yourself down about this. If you ask yourself those two questions. And it turns out that you’re not that person. It’s okay. Don’t freak out about it doesn’t mean you’ll never date that person. But if you’re not, then start to create a plan to become that person assuming of course, that that person is who you would want to be. So in other words, let’s say you create an avatar of a woman, and then you ask yourself, What kind of man would she date? Okay, now you’ve got this avatar of this man. Now you’re gonna look at yourself and say, Am I that avatar? And you go, no, okay? But you look at the avatar of that man, you go, that guy is an asshole. That guy is not a guy would want to be if that’s the case, then you’ve done something wrong when you created your avatar of your ideal partner, right? Because the type of guy she would date, if that guy isn’t somebody that you would ever want to be, then that avatar is not the right avatar for you.

You need to go back to the drawing board and be more honest than you were before and create an avatar that fits better. However, if that avatar is somebody you’re like, Well, of course, you would date that guy, but I’m not that guy. All right, start to make a plan for how to become that guy. Now, I’m not saying it’s gonna happen overnight. Right? It might be so far away from where you are, that it might take a long time, but that is okay. First of all, depending on your belief system, people have different ideas about why we’re here like, sort of the meaning of life, right? If you’ve ever ever read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, right? What’s the meaning of life 42. Look, look up. The reason why they give 42 in that answer is it’s actually computer code because the computer that answered it, and that computer code actually means something in computer land, you can go look it up if you want to know why the answer was 42. However, depending on what your belief system is, the meaning of life really is to experience and grow your soul, so to speak.

So there’s this learning process that we all go through. In life we are learning, we are maturing, we are becoming closer to the one, the source of everything, God, if you will. And so people will say that’s the meaning of life. I’m gonna give a little truth bomb there to myself for that. I wasn’t expecting to talk about the meaning of life in this episode. But the reason why I bring that up is because when you’re looking at, okay, I want to become that person that I think my ideal avatar would be, and then you go, Fuck, that’s gonna take a lot of work. Yeah, it probably will take a lot of work. But the reason I bring up the meaning of life is because that’s kind of the point, right? That’s kind of the point of why we’re here; to become the best version of ourselves that we can be. That’s something I talked about on the show a lot about showing up as the best version of yourself that you can be.

So yeah, figure out what type of person your ideal mate would be with. And make sure while you know, ask yourself, whether or not you are that person. And if not, start formulating a plan, if you haven’t been working towards being that person already, it’s time to get started. And it’s never too late. So start forming a plan, and, you know, work on it a little bit every day, it’s gonna take time, don’t expect it to all happen all at once. In fact, if it does happen that quickly and you’re like, suddenly transformed into this person, it’s probably not real, you’re probably faking it, and it’s probably not gonna last. So just take your time and start, you know, little by little if, if she would be with a man who was like, super masculine, and, you know, a really good protector and knew how to fight or shoot guns, and you don’t know how to do any of that, start taking some classes, you don’t have to be a world-class, mixed martial arts fighter or, or competitive shooter or whatever it is, but just learn some stuff. Right?

It actually doesn’t take long, I was listening to somebody recently. And they were saying that you know, to become proficient enough to learn the basics of almost any martial arts system, you can do it in about a year, about a year of regular classes. Now, it’s going to take you years after that first year, to really perfect it, and for it to become part of who you are. But you can learn the basics in a relatively short amount of time. So don’t get overwhelmed by that’s just one example. Right? Just start doing the things that it takes to become that person. You know, if it’s, oh, you know, he holds a certain job or has a certain degree, you can go back to school or, or, you know, even learn on your own, you don’t even have to go back to school. And a lot of times these higher education degrees are nothing but a scam anyway. Oh, I have to give myself a second truth bomb for that one. But you can go, all the books are available in the library, go get them, read them, study them, learn about them, right? So there’s a lot that you can do.

And, you know, there may be areas where you don’t necessarily have the tools that you need in order to up your skills. And that’s where you go seek help. That’s where you can hire a coach like me to help you. That’s where you can go take, you know, martial arts classes or, you know, night classes at school to learn certain things or, you know, just, you know, maybe your ideal avatar wants somebody who plays music, take some music lessons, or just pick up an instrument and read some music books, and like, you know, teach yourself lots of people are self-taught on instruments. Of course, it it speeds the learning curve up significantly if you have an actual teacher, but you don’t have to, like some people say, I can’t afford to do this or that or I don’t have the time for regular classes of this or that. Then do it when you do have the time. And by the way, the whole time things like we’re all super busy, this world is crazy out of control. We’ve got way too much to do. All of us no matter what hands down. I completely understand. It’s the same way for me too.

However, if you’re really honest about how you spend your time, I guarantee you that you can find 30 minutes, an hour, 20 minutes, 10 minutes even to put towards learning something new. I’m sure if you looked at how much time you spent on Netflix, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok, or any of those others, you would realize that you have the time to learn and do whatever it is you want to do. You’re just not using your time wisely enough. Oh, that might be the first-ever triple truth on the show. Okay, so we’ve covered where do you start? Actually, if we go back to the beginning, we went over the definitions of soulmates twin flames, and the right partner for you. Then we talked about where to start, and then what to do after that. So we’ve got a pretty good foundation already. Gonna take a short break for my next sponsor, and then we’re going to talk about how do you find this person. What do you do when you meet her? And then once you’re dating, what do you do next?

All right. Hey, guys, do you know what makes a man great, you know, the kind of masculine man that women are irresistibly attracted to? And want? Is it money, job title, his physical body being great in bed, a big penis, great pickup lines, or maybe something else? But what if you don’t have those or only some of them? What if you’ve had a string of failed relationships are embarrassed by your bedroom skills, doubt whether you can rise to the occasion, worry about lasting long enough or are always stuck in the friend zone, I can help you if you are ready to make big changes, and finally become the man you have always wanted to be, then this is the program for you to find out more, please go to Kevinandceline.com./go/warrior. The link is in the description. If you have been thinking about it, if anything that I talked about on this show resonates with you, and you’re like, Yes, that’s what I’m looking for. Then please go check out Kevinandceline.com./go/warrior.

All right. All right. All right. So all of that stuff that I talked about so far is great and important. And it’s all stuff that you’re doing on your own, it’s sort of preparation for finding the right person. But then inevitably, everybody asks, okay, I’m doing all that. But how do I actually find her? And it’s a super-valid question. And I’m gonna give you some ideas on how to go about doing that. So number one is the most obvious one these days. And that is, dating sites, dating sites can help. Some are better than others. Anyone that has a more exhaustive list of characteristics, like if it takes a lot for you to sit down and fill out your profile for one of these things, and it asks you a lot of questions. If those questions are things that are important to you, then likely, this will be a better one than some of the ones that don’t ask as many questions, because it’s really helping to pair you with people who match like a lot of the important things for you.

So having said that, however, and you know, we’ve had some dating app people on the show, and it was great having them on the show, I learned some interesting things about how to use the apps. And you know, the positives and the negatives. But I’ve been hearing a lot from people lately, both clients and friends, that they’re getting frustrated with the dating sites, that they’re swiping all day long, they’re running out of matches, they’re not meeting quality people. And it seems to be a really common complaint. So if dating sites aren’t really the best place to meet people, then what do you do? Like where do you go? Well, you know, I’m old enough to remember, before there were dating sites. I’m sure many of you are too. But what did we do before there were dating sites? I mean, that’s the answer to the question really is, what did we do before we had this technology? Before we had the internet before we had social media? We just used to go out and do stuff. Now granted, dating sites and social media can broaden the amount of area you can cover and potential people you can meet. But that doesn’t necessarily always mean better quality.

So my recommendation is always to just go out and do things, do the things that you like to do, which is the next recommendation. Don’t go out and do the things that you think this is where you know, the hot women will be, or this is where the easy women will be, or whatever it is, or this is where the rich guy will be. If you’re a woman, don’t do that. Because you’re likely then to meet people that aren’t really a good match for you. Go out and do the types of things that you like to do and the things that you are interested in doing. Because if you meet somebody who’s also there, doing that thing, you know that there’s at least some level of compatibility there because you’re both like doing that thing that you’re out doing. So, you know, a great example of that is rock climbers. As a rock climber, myself, I’m going to speak a little bit from personal experience. But, you know, people who are really into like, rock climbing, we used to say all the time, it’s not a hobby, it’s not a sport, it’s a lifestyle. Because climbers will, their lives will revolve around climbing. Yeah, they might have day jobs and stuff. But that’s just to earn the bucks so that they can get out and go climbing. And they’ll spend a lot of time climbing. And so the, the recommendation always was for people who were climbers is like, you know, because every weekend you’re gone climbing because you’re training three nights a week in the gym, because your food choices and your exercise choices, and all that revolves around training for climbing. If you don’t date someone who’s also a climber, this likely isn’t going to go well.

And I remember this goes way back, there’s like, 20 ish years back, I would say at least, I remember I met somebody and we started dating. And when I told her, I was a rock climber, she kind of freaked out. And she was like, oh, no, I’m not gonna date you. Because she understood this about the rock climbers in their lifestyle. And she was like, that doesn’t work for me. You know, I reassured her that I was already at a point in my life where I was spending less time climbing. So that wasn’t going to be an issue. But, but it was just interesting that she had that reaction. And just using that as one example, but yeah, you know, if, let’s say you don’t like rock climbing, trying to meet somebody at a rock climbing gym, or at a at a popular rock climbing crag might not be the best choice for you. Unless you’re willing to embrace that, lifestyle, right? So, you know, just the millions of examples you could come up with, those are just some that are easy for me to talk about, because I’ve experienced them. But the idea is, go out and do things, you’re not going to meet anybody sitting at home on the couch, unless, of course, you’re on a dating site. So if you want to meet people, you just have to go out and do stuff. And sometimes you really don’t want to.

I mean, honestly, in this past year, since Céline, passed, there’s been a lot of times, where I really just didn’t want to get my ass off the couch. I just didn’t want to go out and do stuff. I mean, I wanted to do stuff on one level, and I just really wasn’t motivated to really get out there and do stuff. And, there were a lot of times when I just had to force myself. I just had to say, look, you know, you’re not going to meet people, you’re not going to you’re not going to have things to do to help you get through this difficult time if you just sit at home. So sometimes you just gotta force yourself to go out and do stuff. And again, do the kinds of things that you really enjoy doing because you’re more likely to meet people who also enjoy those things.

Okay, so that’s really my big recommendation as far as how do you find it, you can utilize dating sites, don’t rely on them. But just go out and do stuff. Do the things that you want to do. I hear too many people saying, well, I was gonna go on that vacation but now we broke up and I don’t have a partner so I’ll just wait until I have another partner. No, go on the vacation if it’s especially if it’s a super cool spot and something that you a place you like to go to on a regular basis because you might meet somebody there, but you never know. And that’s the thing. You never know when where how why exactly. You just have to put yourself in situations where that’s likely to happen.

Okay, so let’s say that you have made your list and started working on yourself to become the best version of you the type that she would day, you have gone out and you’ve done things and oh, look, there’s somebody that’s interesting to you. What do you do when you see her? Well, number one, don’t hesitate to approach or a lot of guys these days are super hesitant, and because of all the need to toxic masculinity, pickup artists’ stuff And they’re like, I so don’t want to be that guy. But here’s the thing, if you happen to meet her at this event, and maybe it’s a regular event of a group of regular people, you might have a chance of seeing her again, but otherwise, you likely won’t. And so your only opportunity is right then in there. So as long as you do it in a way that is nice and respectful, it’s okay. And you know, if it turns out, she’s married, or she has a boyfriend, or she’s not interested, it’s okay. At least you took a chance. If you don’t take a chance, you know, here comes another cliche, you miss 100% of the shots, you don’t take, gag, okay, but it’s freaking true, right. So it really is, if you don’t actually approach her, then you have no chance whatsoever. So I see a lot of guys hesitating there these days.

And I encourage you just do it respectfully, don’t come up with some cheesy line, just, you know, go over there and say, Hey, I noticed you from across the room. And I felt really compelled to come up and introduce myself, I’d like to know more about you and who you are. Could be that simple. Alright, next, Be your authentic self. Here’s another thing that I see a lot of people doing, they’re interested in somebody. And they want to try really hard to impress them, try to be that person that they think this person would want them to be. But it’s not really who they are. And so they’re not being their authentic self. This is always a problem because it’s not sustainable. So even if this sort of persona that you’re putting on for the person is attractive, and they do agree to go out on a date with you, or they are interested in you how long do you think you’re going to be able to keep that up, certainly not forever, at some point, you’re going to have to relax into your authentic self. And if it’s somebody who’s very different from the persona you pretend it to be, that’s going to be a big problem.

And you don’t want that you don’t want somebody choosing you because of who they think you are, or because of the potential for who you are. You want them to choose you for who you actually are. So it’s really important to be your authentic self. And then, of course, communicate to her what you want. So you know, sometimes people will approach and they’ll be their authentic selves, and they’ll have this sort of awkward conversation, but then they never actually say what they want. Well, what is it that you want? Hey, you know, I really enjoyed this conversation, and I’m really interested in getting to know you better, would you be open to potentially getting dinner or just a cup of coffee sometime where we could talk more, right? So communicate to her what it is that you want, or him. You know, these days, it’s super common for women to approach men. Now, some women don’t want to do that they’d rather be in the receiving side. And that’s perfectly fine, too. They’re operating more from their feminine, and they want to give the signals that they’re open to it, and then invite the man in and allow him to make the first move. That’s fine. And it’s also okay if you’re the type of woman where you’re like, No, I don’t want to do that. I just want to go up and ask him, that’s fine, too. You can certainly do that. Depending on the energetic dynamic of the two of you. It may work may not but you know, don’t hesitate if that’s what you want to do.

All right. So don’t hesitate. Be your authentic self, and communicate what it is you actually want. So the last thing to talk about in this episode, which is good, because we’re getting down to the end here is Okay, so you’ve done everything we’ve talked about through the whole show. Now you’re dating somebody? Is it story over? No, of course not. Because there’s a lot happening in those early years, honestly, that you’re dating, that can you could still potentially screw up and a lot of people do. And so what I want to talk about next is okay, you’re dating. Now, what do you do? How do you continue in that dating process? With the end goal in mind of still finding the right one? Just because you’re dating doesn’t mean you’ve necessarily found the right one, it means that you think you may have it means that this person seems to fit your list, but you won’t really know until you’ve invested some time in it. And that’s just a reality. So let’s talk about what to do during the dating phase. Well, number one, continue to be your authentic self, right? Like that. That’s a given. So I recommend being your President himself right from the start. But continue to do that, throughout the time that you’re dating, don’t try too hard to impress, and don’t try too hard to be something that you’re not.

Now you can, of course, still be working towards becoming that man that that you want to be that man that she would really want to date, which means that you are continuing to learn and grow. And that’s fine. So you can be changing and who your authentic self is, will be changing during that process. And that’s okay, as long as it’s authentic. Next, ask lots of questions to get to know each other. This is super important. Just ask questions, questions, questions. And you know, the thing is, it’s supposed to be fun this process. So don’t don’t think of it as work like you want to get to know this person. So have fun with it. And ask lots of questions. Tell lots of stories. You know, your friends have heard these stories about you 100 times, probably they’re sick and tired of hearing them. But this is somebody new, who doesn’t know these things about you, they haven’t heard these stories. And these stories are a way for them to get to know who you are now, and how you came to be who you are now. So you know, the old stories may not even have anything to do with who you are now as far as they’re not necessarily relevant to who you are and how you show up in the world.

But they show how you’ve come to where you are. So share all of that stuff. Share about yourself, even the parts you don’t think she will like, that’s another interesting one. A lot of times we hold back, like, we’ll share all the things that we’re like, oh, yeah, I know, she’ll like this. I know, she’ll like this, or I know he’ll like this. And, and I know he’s looking for this. But then we hold back the parts that we think they won’t like, I actually even did this in my relationship with Celine, I had some ideas about who I thought she was based on how I knew her. I mean, we were friends for about four-ish years before we started dating. But I didn’t know her really well, not certainly not intimately. And so I had these sort of preconceived notions about who she was and what she liked and what she didn’t like. And I was sort of holding back some parts of myself that I thought she’s not going to like that. But what I discovered through that process was that as I revealed more about myself and even the parts that I thought she wouldn’t like, is that she started going, Oh, that’s so cool. I’ve really liked that about you, and I’m over here go. Why did I hold back for so long right? Now, that’s not always gonna be the case, there may be times when they’re like, I really don’t like that about you.

Well, you want to know that as soon as possible, you don’t want to find that out two years down the road when you’ve invested all this time. So really share about yourself, everything, all the parts that that you think they may or may not like. And sometimes people have a really hard time being that vulnerable, so early on in a relationship, but it’s important for you to really get to know who each other is so that you can make good decisions about whether or not this is a relationship really worth investing time and energy into. So don’t try too hard to impress them, you won’t be able to keep it up, we’ve talked about that already. So that’s that’s sort of another version of being your authentic self. But people can be their authentic selves. And yet, magnify that authentic self, and keep trying to, like, show more, be more impressive, you know, really show those peacock feathers. You don’t you don’t need to do that you can’t keep that up. And oftentimes, it’ll really just come across as bragging, or you’re trying to impress and really isn’t all that exciting, Impressive, impressive, or attractive to the other person. So don’t try too hard.

It’s okay to do things now. And then that you think will impress them as long as it’s reasonable, and it’s authentic, and just don’t go overboard with it. Next, do your best not to be fooled by the honeymoon period and honestly assess how and where the relationship is going. Yeah, they call it the honeymoon period for a reason, because it’s that period of time, where everybody’s on their best behavior. And they’re, you know, they’re so clouded over by the chemicals of love and attraction, that they overlook all of the negative things and pretend they don’t exist. Until those love chemicals were off and then all of a sudden, all they see are the negative things and they’re like, what it’s not the easiest thing to do. When you’re in that honeymoon period there is literally physiological chemistry that is pretty darn strong. There And he’s really creating a lot of the experience. But it is possible if you’re, if you’re really, really honest, and you’re good at looking past the chemistry, you can really get a feel for whether or not this is going in the right direction. So yeah, do your best with that one. That one’s not always easy, but it can be done. You know, being authentic and asking a lot of questions all the time and reassessing periodically, where you’re both out at in the relationship and how you’re doing will go a long way towards that.

Next, be clear on where you want the relationship to go both short-term and long-term. So this is important too. So you’re dating, you’re, you know, doing your best not to be fooled by the honeymoon period, you’re being your authentic self, you’re asking questions, you’re getting to know the person, it’s important to say, hey, you know, in the short term, which could be X number of months, you know, this is what I’d like to see from our relationship. And maybe in a couple of years, here’s what I’d like to see. And maybe further on down the road, here’s, you know, my end goal of where I would like to be, it’s really important to share those things because you might be aligned in the short term, even the mid-term, but maybe not in the long term. Right. Or maybe you might not be aligned in the short term, but you’re definitely aligned in the long term. So it’s important to know those things. Because that will help you make decisions about whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

Next, have fun getting to know each other. So you know, when you’re asking the questions when you’re sharing stories about each other, you know, when you’re doing little things to impress each other here and just just have fun with it. Getting to know the person part is the fun, I see way too many people like that want to rush past this part, and just get to the end goal. It’s like, okay, let’s hurry up and get to know each other. So we can get to like, this is a serious relationship. And I will see that often with women, especially if they feel like maybe their biological clock is ticking, and they’ve only got a few years left, and they gotta find a husband, baby daddy kind of thing. And they’ll kind of rush through this process a little bit. Never a good idea. Take your time, definitely take your time. But yeah, enjoy the process, just enjoy the process, you know, especially you know, if you’re older, and you know, you haven’t found that relationship yet, it’s, it’s normal to start to feel a little impatient, and you want to kind of rush things. And my suggestion is, don’t don’t do that, because that rarely ever works out well. So just slow everything down, and enjoy the getting-to-know-each-other process. And then, you know, if it doesn’t work out, because look, some will and some won’t.

But if it doesn’t work out, thank each other and move on graciously. That mean, that’s, that’s all you can really do. I honestly suggest you should try to leave every person better than the way you found them. And that you should try to leave every relationship on good terms. It’s not always possible it takes too and maybe your partner is not willing to do that. But you should try the best that you can, you know, even if you spent a couple of years with somebody, and it was really working well for both of you. And then at some point, it’s not anymore. Just be honest with each other. And just be thankful for the time that you had together when it did work out. And, you know, thank the person for the experiences and the time shared and then move on graciously. It’s not an easy thing to do. But you have to try your best to do so. Okay, well, let’s say that that actually happens. What next, then? Well, you start the process all over again. And I want to just finish here by saying, don’t get frustrated. If you have to go through this process numerous times, numerous times.

Don’t get frustrated every time you go through it. You’re learning more about yourself. You’re learning more about what you like, what you don’t like, what you want, what you don’t want, what are absolute must-haves, and what are absolute deal breakers, and you are improving every time or at least you should be if you notice yourself repeating the same patterns from relationship to relationship, then I would suggest that you work with somebody whether it be a therapist or coach, or somebody that can help you recognize those patterns, figure out where they’re coming from, why you’re doing them how to break them and move on. But just remember, the best things in life are worth waiting for. So don’t get frustrated by the process. Take time. And yeah, just know that if you do the process, right, the rewards will be there and they will be worth it. Alright, that’s all I got for you on this episode. That is how to find your soulmate, or really what I like to say is the right person for you. And I hope that was really helpful. As always, if you need more, you know, check out my coaching program happy to work with you and help you on this process. Remember, I do sex, love, and relationships. So I’m there to help you with finding love and improving your relationships as well as having the best mind-blowing sex that you could ever have in a physical human body. All right. All right, everybody. That’s all I have for this episode. And I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join me in the passion vault at KevinandCéline.com/vault. That’s KevinandCéline.com/vault. Thanks for listening. And remember, as Céline used to say you’re amazing!