How Left Brain Analytical Men Can Understand Woman And Relationships

Kevin Anthony 0:05
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe and fun place to get real and learn about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom, and your relationships.

All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 305 and it is titled How left brain analytical men can understand women and relationships. So this is going to be an interesting episode, I think because, you know, when Celine my wife was doing work with primarily men, which she did for many, many years, there was this pattern that she noticed that so many of the men coming to her that were experiencing issues with their sexuality, we’re constantly stuck in their head, like really analytical like heavy type individuals. Now, that doesn’t mean that every client she worked with was that way, but there were enough of them, for us to see a pattern that wow, okay, men who tend to be stuck in their heads, tend to have a lot of problems with their relationships and sexuality.

And so we started noticing that pattern. And it’s interesting because my guest today has also noticed that pattern, and she’s going to help us sort of unpack that a little bit. She’s got personal experience, both being in a very heavy occupation and working with a lot of really left-brain analytical men, but also had the opportunity to spend a lot of time in places like tantric community. So she kind of bridges the gap between the two. So we’re gonna find out from her what her experience is. And, you know, if you are if you identify as one of those left-brain analytical men, you might learn something here. If you’re in a relationship with one of those left-brain analytical men, you might also learn something valuable here.

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Okay, my guest today is Jessica Gold. She was a former PhD chemist, and is now a passionate relationship coach for men and couples, Dr. Jessica has spent four years living in toxic communities in Asia, where she finally learned to get out of her head and have some really great sex. She helps powerful nerds in tech and finance master the art of relating to women. So welcome to the show Dr. Jessica.

Dr. Jessica Gold 3:26
Thank you. I’m excited to be here.

Kevin Anthony 3:29
All right, we got to start with a little bit of background here. Now I know your bio kind of says you’re a PhD chemist. But could you tell us a little bit about your background? Both your education, but also the work that you did in that field?

Dr. Jessica Gold 3:48
Sure, absolutely. I was all science all the time I was very dedicated to I wanted to do primary science, I wanted to work with the primary elements of material reality. And the periodic table was where I decided to go. And I really loved working with my hands and fixing things and building things. And just being a researcher in lab because there was a sense of like wonder and curiosity that we had as scientists, and just to ask really deep questions about life, and the universe and everything and then be able to research them even if they didn’t have direct applications necessarily. It was such a fun playground. My research was actually in using light to allow molecules to change shape so that they would interact with receptors in the brain differently. In one shape, the molecule would bind and in a different shape, it wouldn’t bind so I basically had an on-off switch that I could control with wavelengths of light, and later this was used to help blind flies start to see Again, for example.

So that was my, some of my PhD research. And then in my postdoctoral research, I was researching actually pain receptors in the brain and creating new versions of opioids to see to bind. These are sometimes opioid receptors, they associate with each other. So they’re like bio, Vaillant receptors, I can’t actually remember the words right now, it’s been so long. But it was really fun because I was doing the organic synthesis of some of these new types of painkillers. And then I was testing them in cells that I grew myself, I did all the in vitro work. And then I would actually do some of the in vivo work as well, in mice to test them in mice, sprains, mouse brains, and it’s really rare for a scientist to do that whole spectrum. Usually, you just specialize in one of those, but I got to do the whole thing. And I loved that flexibility. And I always wanted to learn more and to follow an experiment from like, an idea on paper, okay, we need to synthesize this molecule, and then I would synthesize it and then testing it the whole way. It was really fun.

Kevin Anthony 6:11
Awesome. Would you say that that is a primarily male-dominated field? I don’t know if it is or not, but I’m asking.

Dr. Jessica Gold 6:20
You know, I think it was starting to change. In my PhD, there were definitely a lot of women, maybe there were like a third of women. Although I did still feel like it was like an old boys’ club, I did get the impression that in order to be respected, I needed to remove any trace of femaleness from me. Because what was really highly valued, was working really hard, not being distracted by your body, not having emotions, just showing up the same every day, and doing as many reactions as you possibly could. And, you know, my PhD advisor, he didn’t have tenure, yet, he wasn’t a tenured professor. So he was really pushing as hard as a lab, you know, to publish a lot. And so, you know, I even heard him and others make fun of women, for having our cycles and things like this. So it definitely was still male-dominated. But when I moved into my postdoctoral research, my advisor was a woman. And I was very much more in the cell biology neuroscience side of things. And so actually, that was more female dominated.

Kevin Anthony 7:30
I’m not at all surprised to hear it’s primarily male-dominant. I mean, that’s what we think of when we think of hardcore science-type stuff. I think it’s very interesting, however, that you actually sort of, in front, like out loud, and in front of your face, we’re told that, you know, oh, you know, they’re laughing at women, because they have their periods, or they should show up the same every single day. You know, I have, I have a couple of good friends of mine, they started a supplement company a few years back, and they made supplements for, you know, basically the whole nootropic trend, right? So they have a very popular nootropic on the market right now. And when they were originally creating it, and testing it, you know, they were giving it to a lot of their friends, including my wife and myself, as sort of guinea pigs like, hey, try this out. Tell us what you think. Right?

So, you know, I was taking I was like, okay, yeah, I mean, it is definitely increasing my sharpness and my focus, and but it had way too much caffeine at the time in the early stages. For me, it was like making me super jittery. Anyway, the point of this story is this means that when my wife took it, she was like, wow, she was like, it works. But it makes me feel sort of like a man. Like I’m just like, on go mode all the time. And so we gave that feedback to them. And because basically, what my wife wanted to tell them was like, could you make a formula for women a formula that takes into account the change of our cycles? And how we don’t want to be in 100%? Go mode all the time, right? Yeah. And his feedback was, well, we thought of that when we were developing it. But we realized we’d have to make a different formula for every day of the month. So you scrapped it. And I tell that story, just to sort of validate, you know, what you were feeling in that moment, which is like, I can’t show up as a woman exactly the same every day and work, work, work, work, work, work, work that just doesn’t work for your biology.

Dr. Jessica Gold 9:31
Yeah, I mean, it’s interesting you say that because I did show up the same every day and work, work work. I just totally ignored my biology. And it is possible. However, I don’t think that that’s healthy for anyone, men or women. I mean, men actually have a testosterone cycle every 24 hours. So we all have ebbs and flows of our energy and we’re humans, we’re biological. We’re not Robots. You know, we’re not steel and metal. So I, yeah, I mean, I kind of I agree and disagree with that statement it’s that women aren’t supposed to.

Kevin Anthony 10:16
It’s not that you can’t because yeah, you can you can do it if you want to. But there’s a cost to that there’s a cost to denying your cycles in your biology that is most likely not going to lead to, you know, the richest most fulfilling happy life as a woman, right?

Dr. Jessica Gold 10:33
Yeah, well, I think what it did was it deleted the special wisdom that women have. And it took me away from my own power, which is more awareness, more centeredness in my body, and more honoring of what life is asking for from me right now, instead of like the rigidity, like, there, there’s a wisdom in all of that, just like the Earth has seasons, you don’t tell the earth that it’s being a less good Earth just because it has a winter. Or you don’t tell the sky that it’s doing a terrible job of being the sky, but just because it is having a thunderstorm? Yeah, these are all essential and required, and they bring a depth of wisdom that gets lost. Yeah, if you if you look down on it, absolutely.

Kevin Anthony 11:19
So this is a little bit of an aside this topic. And it actually is not on my you know, list of questions at all. But I kind of wanted to go there a little bit. Because, you know, the title of this is helping left-brain analytical men understand women. So lesson number one for today is women are not robots. And them having cycles and fluctuating hormones is not actually a bad thing that you have to try to mitigate or try to, you know, get them to ignore, if you can understand that that’s who they are. And that this is actually one of their superpowers, you can tap into those superpowers and use them to their advantage and your advantage, right?

Dr. Jessica Gold 11:59
Yes, I’m so glad we’re talking about this. I am secretly so passionate about it, but I never get to talk about it.

Kevin Anthony 12:06
We’re trying to help men understand women here. So you know, this is absolutely, you know, right in line with what we’re talking about. Okay, just give one tip.

Dr. Jessica Gold 12:17
So actually, if you start to work in tune with the cycles, whether it’s of the seasons and of nature or with your woman, then you might find that she’s actually more predictable, more understandable. If you’re like, oh, it’s actually her spring right now, or it’s her fall right now, then you can predict and decide like, Okay, what’s going to work better between us? What should I do to support her? You know, instead of saying, Oh, she’s hormonal, which is actually wrong, too, because when we have the hardest time with emotions is not is when we have fewer Hormones, levels of hormones drop. And so we’re feeling like raw and tender, then it’s not because we have more. Anyway, those are my two tips.

Kevin Anthony 13:03
Yeah, absolutely. You know, the reason why women seem like such an enigma to men most of the time is because they’re viewing women through the lens of being a man, right? So in other words, they look at a woman and they’re comparing her to him, and then I don’t understand it. I don’t get it. Why is she like this one moment? And like this next month? Why? Right? If you can learn to see it through the lens of a woman instead of through the lens of a man, it suddenly makes sense. And then you can tap into things like, oh, you know, she’s going into her Moon time, a time when she’s actually more in touch with her intuition than usual. Right. So maybe now’s a good time to ask her advice about something.

Dr. Jessica Gold 13:43
Exactly. Okay, and I’ll go ahead. A lot of discoveries in science. So contrary to popular belief, if you’re not a scientist, you might think science is all about logic and reason. But the best scientists had strokes of insight from going on a walk, or from their intuition. And there’s a whole book about it called, I think it’s called serendipity. serendipitous discoveries in science, and some really important ones came through this deep listening.

Kevin Anthony 14:13
And, yeah, science is the testing of ideas, but where did the ideas come from? Right. So, yeah, the ideas usually come from inspiration and inspiration happens in all kinds of interesting ways.

Dr. Jessica Gold 14:27
Yeah, like when you’re playing or when you’re outside in nature, when you’re not in that crunch, like fight, flight or freeze or fun mode, when you like, let yourself wander.

Kevin Anthony 14:37
Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So, I kind of started that, that line of questioning because I wanted people to understand the environment that you came from and how that is important to what you are doing now. In other words, you you didn’t just, you know, date somebody who was a left-brain analytical person In or you didn’t just have some friends that were like that, like you worked in it, you were immersed in it 24/7. For a lot of years, if anybody understands how many years it takes to get a PhD, and then working in it, you know, it’s just you eat, sleep, and breathe it for, you know, decades of your life. So you have a lot of experience in interacting with men who are in this space. And that’s what I really wanted to establish here in the beginning. Thank you. So now I want to go in a slightly different direction, which is having been in that environment yourself. I’m wondering if you were struggling with, say, relational intelligence or relationships, or if there was any sort of? Yeah, like, because you’re, you’re working in relationships now. And you’ve learned a lot from your experience. Does some of that come from your personal struggles in this area?

Dr. Jessica Gold 15:57
Oh, yeah, absolutely. So not only was I around like really left-brained men, I was that person too. I was cut off from the neck down, and wedded to logic and I dismissed emotions, or the body as uncouth, as distractions as weak. I mean, I came from a very extreme sort of culture in West Texas that really just prioritized logic and reason and, and saw anything associated with women as inferior. So I really tried to make myself into being more like a man so that I could be respected and do cool studies in life instead of just having to stay home. And what that did was, I, okay, I never had a single class in how to be a healthy human in my entire academic career, nothing about how to manage my emotions, how to communicate well, how to have pleasure, or great sex, zero education. And it really, really hurt me.

I was married to this man whow is a therapist, and I, you know, I’m grateful to him for so many things. And I thought I just had this unconscious narrative in my head of this is the role he’s gonna play. This is real, I’m gonna play and I’m gonna control everything to make it that way. And, all I knew how to do was be really defensive with him. And I didn’t know how to really relax, surrender, let go and be messy and have sex or have pleasure. And life was very efficient and had to all be like clockwork like this. maximum efficiency, and effectiveness, like that, was the goal of life. I had a lot of anxiety and anger in me, but I didn’t know what to do about it. I was ashamed of it. And so I was drinking way too much to cover it up and just numbing out. So that sort of scenario where all of those things are happening is unsustainable, you will burn out and I did.

Kevin Anthony 17:57
Yeah, that is not surprising at all. And thank you for sharing that. Because Okay, so that was your experience as a female. But I think that a lot of really left-brain analytical men experience a similar thing, right?

Dr. Jessica Gold 18:13
Yes. And we know this from people, even business coaches who do research in this area, have a say they’ve seen so many men in leadership, become very powerful, but then feel hollow and unsatisfied, and disconnected and lonely in their personal lives.

Kevin Anthony 18:32
Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, that’s, that’s a lot of the clientele that used to show up to work with my wife was these people, these men who were very successful, sometimes very powerful, every once in a while actually very famous. But they were absolutely struggling with relational intelligence, with just relationships in general. A lot of them were struggling to, you know, even get an erection in the bedroom. So, you know, this, this, if taken too far, right, this type of lifestyle and way of being can really have some detrimental effects. So that, of course, then leads me to the next question is like, okay, so you hit burnout mode, right? Where did you go after that?

Dr. Jessica Gold 19:24
Yep. So after going to Burning Man a bunch of years, I know. It might sound unbelievable. Unbelievable, but it’s really true. It was there. I mean, combined with a lot of other things that I was doing in the San Francisco Bay Area to push my boundaries to push my beliefs about what was possible. I had an experience there of being in an authentic relating community where nobody cared about my pedigree or my accomplishments or anything they cared about who I was in the moment and how available I was to have like a heart connection. It just blew me away. And after that, I went back to my cubicle and my commute and looked around. And I was like, this cannot be my life. And I was able to finally hear my heart saying you’re not supposed to be doing this.

And it was, I felt a lot of shame because like, I had a 10-year academic career at that point. And I was like, wait, I can’t just throw this all away and walk away. Oh, my gosh, you my family will be angry. What am I going to do? How am I going to make money, I knew that something else was calling me. So fortunately, I had my husband with me at the time, and he came with me and I went on a trip to start to explore things. We traveled across the whole world for a year and I on purpose did things that I would have been closed or a no to or thought were dumb or too touchy-feely or whatever. Such anyone? Well, I mean, one of the things I did was I lived on a permaculture farm in northern Thailand, where I like, was in the mud pit every day making these clay bricks to build natural houses. You know, it’s really like not very efficient. Well, in some ways to build things that way. And I got my hands dirty and just did something really simple in the earth. I also did. I think it was a two-week-long contact improvisation dance trip across the country of Georgia.

So contact improvisation dance was the furthest thing from my comfort zone I had ever discovered. There are no steps. There’s no logic, you’re just pressed up against a stranger’s body and being present in the moment and feeling how do you want to move together. Insanely confronting, I would spend a lot of the time crying in the corner. Yes, and I did you know, ayawaska in Peru with a therapist and tried to just really let go and understand what else is out there. And then I ended up doing some Tantra workshops at a Tantra school, which I thought I would hate. Because I was like, I’m not interested in gender binary. I had been in the queer community in San Francisco. And also, they had some very questionable claims that were very unscientific.

Kevin Anthony 22:24
Oh, we must hear more about this.

Dr. Jessica Gold 22:27
Oh, no, it was bad. Well, I mean, there was some good things there. And there are some bad things there. They were pushing things like that. The germ theory was, was a hoax or something, you know, really weird stuff like that, that comes along with the spiritual community sometimes, and some gender essentialism. And yeah, it was some bad stuff. But there was some good stuff, too. And I think I want to make sure that I’m answering your question.

Kevin Anthony 23:03
That was great, what we were really getting at there was, okay, you’re in this hardcore science, you know, the field for a long time. And you burn out because it’s not, it’s not serving you not just as a woman, but also just as a person as a human being right? And so you burn out from it. And then it’s like, okay, that’s what we call rock bottom, right? And then it’s like, where it’s always interesting to know, where does somebody go, when they hit rock bottom, what happens next? And so you did a good job of answering that, you know, you traveled the world, you went and did things that you never thought you would do, you probably never pictured yourself being in a mud pit, you know, making mud bricks or, you know, maybe in a Tantra potentially free love type community place. So these are, these are things that you did too, I would say not only push your boundaries, but maybe sort of reconnect with parts of yourself that had been suppressed for a long time. What would that be accurate to say?

Dr. Jessica Gold 24:05
Yeah, I didn’t know I was doing that though.

Kevin Anthony 24:10
But essentially, that’s what you did, right? Because you were you were shutting down that part of yourself in order to be that robot that they wanted you to be in the science world. So this is just a very interesting journey. And so now we got to take it from okay. That was the journey to sort of get you to where you are now. What did you learn from that? That you then realize, like, oh, I need to go out there and teach other couples or men or you know, people like, what were some of the key things you learned that you thought you really need to teach to others?

Dr. Jessica Gold 24:53
I would say there were three key things I learned and it really lit a fire under my ass to do this. So the first thing I learned was, I became aware of how strongly I was judging anything associated with women as weak or inferior that I had, yeah, really deeply internalized that. And I said, Wait, wait a minute. Wait a minute, what if I decided that all of those aspects of me were actually wise and equally deserving of respect? I mean, in Tantra, we understand the world is energy and emotions are just another form of energy, just like thoughts, for example. And they actually work together. So what happened was, I was catapulted into connection with my body, and my sexuality and also learned to recognize my emotions and work with them instead of suppressing them. And for the first time in my life, I felt respected because of my feminine qualities, not in spite of them. And actually, when I reconnected to my power and my full humanity, I found I was harassed way less.

Kevin Anthony 26:13
Interesting.

Dr. Jessica Gold 26:15
So that was the first thing I was like, connecting to my wholeness and feeling the power.

Kevin Anthony 26:19
Okay, well, we got we got a pause you there. So please don’t forget the other two. But we got to talk about that a little bit here. Yeah. Okay. So the I find that really fascinating, right? So what’s interesting is, is as we’re having this discussion, there’s so much value in this episode for women who are listening, even though we kind of titled it towards like, men, there is a ton of value here for women listening to this. You needed to actually reconnect with your body and your sexuality. And that was one of the pieces that was really missing. And this is something whether you’re, whether you’re a woman or a man, this is something that I mean, when I started this episode by saying, you know, my wife had noticed that she had worked with a lot of men who were in this sort of heady space.

And that was one of the key components, to helping them fix their problems was getting them back in their bodies, literally out of being stuck up here in the head all the time. Because when you’re up here, and you’re always in those heavy realms, right? You’re not connected to your physical body, not connected to your physical body, then you’re obviously not connected to your sex, right? And we wonder why men are experiencing erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and all these sexual problems they have. Because they’re not they’re literally not in their bodies, they can’t feel themselves. They can’t feel what their body is doing when they’re having sex, and they have no control over it whatsoever.

Dr. Jessica Gold 27:47
Yeah, absolutely. And you need really strong things like a lot of porn or a lot of drugs to like, get you into your body. Yeah, the thing is, if you’re like me, if you’re a very smart left-brain person, and you’re a leader, it’s, it’s really hard to let yourself Connect. Because I had a lot of fears about that. That would mean I would never be successful, I would be distracted, I would be weak. It felt shameful. And like, oh, and embarrassing, even like there was a very strong No, no, no, don’t go there.

Kevin Anthony 28:17
Yeah, that’s kind of setting. You know, the flip side of this is what I said a minute ago, which is there’s so much value in this for women too. I love that piece that you shared that you basically did a 180-degree reframing of all the things that I thought were weaknesses because I’m a woman or not good enough because I’m a woman, I suddenly realized, actually, were my strengths and my superpowers and the things that actually made me you know, who and what I am, that is a really huge, huge change. I mean, and I think a lot of women are exactly where you were before. And so I would love for the women listening to this, to really hear that message and realize that you can flip that around, if you can learn to see the aspects of being a woman is actually your superpowers, as opposed to being some sort of a weakness.

Dr. Jessica Gold 29:14
Yes. And embarrassingly, I would never have believed it or let myself go there. But that was the gift of non-dual tantric metaphysics. That was what did it for me, I needed to understand that there was a serious, sophisticated, long-standing tradition in human history that really fundamentally saw my feminine qualities as as respectful and complimentary as things associated with men. And you know, the tantra non-dual metaphysics was written about before our modern culture of capitalism, and there is this beautiful interplay of consciousness and energy of Shiva and Shakti. And it was through reading seeing and understanding that this was very real and very intellectual and very refined and knowing that there were very smart people who come before me that put this down, I needed that. I needed to know that as an academic that that existed in the world. And then I was like, Oh, I’m going to try this.

Kevin Anthony 30:19
So that’s another great point that you just brought up that I hope people take away from this episode is that you know, again, we titled it, how left-brain analytical men can understand women in relationships. But there are also women who are in relationships with these left-brain analytical men. Right. And so the point I want to sort of reiterate here is like, how do you get to them? How do you how do you get into their brain and get them to realize that there is something else other than just hardcore science, analytical business, you know, whatever? Right? And so for you, what it took was, you know, if somebody had come to you this, and this is the way Tantra happens for most people, it’s like, totally informal, right? You know, it’s like, they don’t even give you a book, they just like, Come, let me show you my tantric practices.

Dr. Jessica Gold 31:09
Oh, God. Exactly.

Kevin Anthony 31:14
Unfortunately, that’s a lot of people’s, you know, first introduction to Tantra. But instead, you know, approaching it from here is a 1000-year-old tradition, where so many generations have tried these things and refined them over time. And there is something I mean, you know, science doesn’t doesn’t completely discount the experience of people. Now, they won’t, they won’t base everything on that, because they want to do experiments to back up the experience of people. But if you’ve got people over 1000 years, practicing something, and all having the same experience, that’s a pretty solid body of evidence, wouldn’t you say? Yes. Anyway, the point is here is like, how do you get to somebody who’s really stuck in their head, maybe try approaching things from that point of view, like, don’t just go, Hey, I’ve got this crazy tantric practice that I want to do that’s going to make us orgasm 50 times, right? Like say, Hey, how about we explore this, you know, 1000-year-old tradition? And let’s figure out let’s see what they have managed to discover over time, right? So appealing to that. Yes, left brain NIS. And then using that, to bring them around maybe over a little bit into the right brain side.

Dr. Jessica Gold 32:35
Yeah, exactly. And I approached it from more a Hatha Yoga point of view, which is a very, sort of upright, clean practice. And so first, they gave me the intellectual framework, and I checked it out myself in the old mantras and the old books written in Sanskrit. And then I did this practice, a ritual that lasted an hour, and I built up to it over the course of a week. But it’s a very simple ritual, it wasn’t about sex or any weirdness, of just like opening and allowing and being in full presence with different men. After that ritual, it something clicked in me, I just had the felt sense of experience of like, reconnection to my body and my power. And it was undeniable, it was really a voice that said, Where have you been? I’ve been waiting for you, your whole life. So it was both intellectual. And then I just couldn’t argue with the embodied experience this like moment of awakening that happened. So that’s how you did it.

Kevin Anthony 33:42
So the intellectual piece is sort of the gateway, right? That’s what allows you to even start the experiment. But then inevitably, something happens that you can’t really necessarily explain intellectually, but you can feel and you know, and you’re just like, oh, oh, that’s what they were talking about. Right? Yes. So yeah, the intellectual can lead you into the more sort of esoteric or the there are experiences that we have that we just can’t explain through science and that’s that’s the reality isn’t I love that. Yeah. I have a theory of it, and I won’t go too deep into it. But this is sort of theory of spirituality how people start out and it’s like, you know, a lot of people start out because they’re given a religion right? And that’s just what happens with their family.

And then if they continue on down the journey and they do some investigation, they start to see the inconsistencies the incongruent sees in their religion that they were given, so then they end up going, it’s all nonsense, and I’m an atheist, right? And then if they keep going down that path, they start to experience things that atheism can’t explain, but the religion didn’t explain But science can’t explain. And then they end up coming around to what is often termed, well, I’m spiritual. I’m not religious, but I’m spiritual. It’s because you know, there’s something bigger, but you can’t explain what it is, and the other frameworks don’t fit. So it’s kinda like that when you’re talking about Tantra. And what happens when you have one of those awakening moments, you’re like, there’s something else there that I can’t really describe or quantify. There’s no scientific experiment that proves this, but I feel it and I know it.

Dr. Jessica Gold 35:28
Exactly. So well said. And I’ll say one other thing that helps transition just very simply, is just experiment. Because what you’ve been doing so far, is probably feeling frustrating, and you’re not getting the sex you want. And it’s hard, and it’s stressful. All I did was after this, I started living this way, by bringing in the emotional and the body components and relating to people that way, guess what, my life got less stressful, the friends around me were way more awesome. It was so much easier to socialize, my work got pleasurable even and I became more successful. So I was like, there’s no question.

Kevin Anthony 36:08
Best sales pitch ever right there. I actually, you know, I just did an episode, I think it’s the one that is alive as we’re recording this. So it’s one that was a few weeks ago when this actually airs. But the basic gist of it was, you know, how problems in your sex life can affect every other area of your life, right? And so it’s that basic idea that, so here, it’s not so much you were specifically seeking to solve problems in your sex life, but you were looking for something else outside of, you know, that hardcore scientific world. And when you found that sex was a component of it, you started to notice that it actually came around full circle back into the work part of the world and shifted that too, right? It’s because these things aren’t separate, right? They’re all parts of who we are. And so when we awaken and live in one part, we’ll see other parts start to light up as well.

Dr. Jessica Gold 37:04
Yeah, my teacher likes to say how you act in the bedroom is how you act in any room.

Kevin Anthony 37:08
Yeah, absolutely. That explains a lot of my behavior in public! Alright, we’re a little bit past when I need to take a break. So I want to take a break and I don’t want to come back because there are still two more things that you wanted to share. So can we take a quick break?

Men of you tired of falling short both in the bedroom and in your relationship? Do you want your woman to respect you and crave your cat? Do you want to be the man she secretly brags about to all her friends? What if you could become this man? What if you could not only master your masculine sexuality but also be the dream man who shows up for his woman in all the ways she desires? What if you could become so irresistible that she becomes addicted to you if you’re ready to become that man and then check out my Become the man of Your and her dreams coaching program by going to KevinandCéline.com/go/manofherdreams/. That’s KevinandCéline.com/go/manofherdreams/ all one word, don’t worry about the long link. It is in the description. All you got to do is click on it.

Okay. So I asked you if there were anything, any things that you learned from this journey. You said, there were three and we covered one so far. So what are the other two?

Dr. Jessica Gold 38:29
Okay, so these are big. And, by the way, I’m so appreciating your direction, and you’re just keeping us on track. It’s very, it’s like, Oh, I love this.

Kevin Anthony 38:39
Thank you.

Dr. Jessica Gold 38:44
So the second thing that I learned was secrets about what is possible for men, sexually, that I had never heard of before. And I wouldn’t have believed if I had heard it. Now, it may be a little controversial, though, I’m sure you’ve probably talked about this before. But what I learned was that through becoming more embodied and doing energy work, men can choose to have different kinds of orgasms, and can have multiple orgasms. And when I, you know, had my tantric lover, and I witnessed him do this, and I also witnessed how he held space for me. It checkmated my entire experience of sex and instead of just performing to please Him, or running a script unconsciously or being afraid, and trying to make it all go in ice and control it, he wouldn’t let me and he was like, I’m not here to push this to my end because I may or may not choose to ejaculate. I’m having orgasms already. Over here. I want you to go as deep into your pleasure as possible. And I’m going to sit here until you let go.

Kevin Anthony 39:55
Yes. I’m so glad you had that experience with a man.

Dr. Jessica Gold 40:01
It was revolutionary, it changed my entire life. And so witnessing how men can study sex and hold space and have so much pleasure in their bodies, I was like, What the fucking fuck. I know, it’s a very technical term. I became so passionate about this. It’s really radical because it takes sex out of the for, for procreation only bucks bucket and puts it into this whole other realm of a playground where you can really use it as a spiritual experience. Well, that’s a whole other can of worms. But even just having this freedom and flexibility to not have linear sex, where it’s foreplay, penetration, orgasm, then you go to sleep.

This whole other experience and it was like nerd sex, I got to, because I would let I would help my lover, figure out how turned on he was and I wanted to help him have energy orgasms and not ejaculate before he wanted to. So I’d be like, What number are you at? What number are you at? What do I need to do? And I just loved it, I loved them permission to be awkward, have nerdy sex, and really get into the technical details of our pleasure and be really aware of it and talk to each other. It changed my whole life, I knew that it would change the lives of a lot of men. Because also when they studied sex when he studied sex this minute Lee he studied, you know, what do you do? If you’re having challenges with erections? And if you’re finishing sooner than you want to? Or what if you can’t finish at all? So, you know, we’re just we’re in this community where I can openly talk about all of that. And yeah, that’s point two.

Kevin Anthony 41:45
That’s huge. So you know, the whole name of this podcast, the Love Lab podcast, the reason why that came about is because my wife and I would do exactly what you were just describing. We would dig out over, like, how did you do that? And like, What did that feel like in your body? And then you know what happened then? And then like, we would just totally geek out on that. And so we used to say that our bedroom was our lab, right? Hence, that’s where the name one day when we started, right? I’m like, it’s the Love Lab, right?

Dr. Jessica Gold 42:15
So that I decided to I was like, why can’t I study sex? The way I studied chemistry? Why is it laudable to study molecular sex connections between molecules, but shameful, the study human sex. I was like, This is so crazy. I’m going to change this.

Kevin Anthony 42:30
It is crazy. There are some reasons for that. But that’s a whole other show. Yeah, most, mostly about disempowering humans. But that’s, that’s a whole other whole other topic. I do want to come back a little bit to something else that you were sharing in there, which is it? Okay, so for me, from my point of view as a man, so I recently just turned 50. So I’ve been around a while now. Wow. Thank you. And, and, you know, having studied Tantra, and you know, doing this work for a living, you know, my own sexuality has evolved to the point where, you know, for me, when I make love to a woman, the best part for me is feeling unbelievably powerful energy that she generates, as she goes through her multiple orgasmic waves over however long a period of time that is, so in other words, most men approach sex from the point of view that the ultimate destination is an ejaculation, right?

Yeah. And from that point of view, they don’t really care how long it lasts as long as they get to the ejaculation. I’m always trying to help men reframe that and realize the ejaculation actually isn’t the ultimate goal. In fact, it’s a very short and fleeting moment, and you could experience hundreds of times more pleasure if you could take a woman far enough along this journey for her to have really massive rolling multiple, you know, not just clitoral, but g spot and cervical orgasms. And for me, when, when my woman literally blasts off into a long rolling cervical orgasm, I equate it to like, it’s like sticking your penis in an electrical socket. It’s like, it’s like you remember the old metallic album Ride the Lightning, right? That’s what it’s like, you’re just like, wow. To me, there’s no better experience in lovemaking than that, right? My own ejaculation. It’s like, okay, that was cool. But like, like that, right?

So you gotta challenge both men and women to reframe the way they look at sex and realize just how powerful that experience can be for both men and women, obviously, for most women, you know, we know about the studies that show that the average man you know, lasts anywhere from three to five minutes or five to seven minutes and we know the average woman takes at least 20 to 30 He minutes to get close to her orgasm sometimes longer than that. So women for a long time, have been in very unfulfilling sexual relationships, because their partners were never able to take them to those places that they are capable of going. If they have somebody that can stay there with them, right? So it’s just it’s kind of revolutionary for both men and women alike when a woman finally has a partner who can go there, and then actually allows herself to go there. Yeah. Which is probably that’ll probably take a while because she’s never even had the opportunity. So she’s like, I don’t know if I get I don’t know, this is kind of scary, right?

Dr. Jessica Gold 45:39
Yeah. You know, I do want to say most of the men I work with actually are in a different boat where they’re like, I’m ready. I want to do this. I’m so ready to go deep and I don’t care. I’m my ejaculation is great. But it’s not the goal, but what they find is that they’re a woman is closed to it. And I was close to it, you know, from purity, culture, religious indoctrination, shame, or maybe just not being comfortable getting messy and being afraid that we don’t look as good as we could for him. Also, there was another one in there, but it went away. But there’s a lot of stuff that can come up. So it’s hard to for women to believe that this is something that’s good. Oh, yeah, indoctrination that really sex is only for procreation. And it’s kind of weird, if you like, really enjoy it. So a lot of things prevent it even. I know, there are a lot of men out there who are amazing lovers and really care and are so ready to help a woman go deeper, but we have our own stuff that prevents it as well.

Kevin Anthony 46:48
Well, that is definitely true. Okay, so let’s move on to number three, as we’re getting close to the end of the show here.

Dr. Jessica Gold 46:57
All right. Okay, so point number three was? Well, the third thing that happened was, I really experienced how powerful it is to have really great sex. And I always feel a little nervous when I say that, because you know, we live in this world where that can be taken the wrong way. You know, that’s not an invitation when I say that I’m sharing my experience, but it was like, Oh, my God, I had no idea that it was, so it was possible to feel this good in my body. And it and then it was how good it felt to just, well, I’m gonna say this be fucked into a puddle. And just totally dissolve my sense of who I was, and fully let go of control and just merge into that space of oneness, and fully trusting someone. And when I had access to this space regularly, I mean, it’s a really extraordinary energetic and mental space, and we can visit it for free anytime we want. But when I started incorporating this into my life, everything was better. I felt more powerful, the world was more vibrant. I was happier. And I thought, wow, this is a really powerful thing that has been taken from us.

Absolutely.

And I have been furious ever since that. You know, we were not taught that this is our birthright as humans. Mm. Those are the reasons that I faced down a whole ton of shame, and decided to step out in this avant-garde field to be a relationship and intimacy guide and coach.

Kevin Anthony 48:51
Well, I think the way that you’ve described it, if that doesn’t light somebody up, and get them interested in learning this stuff, I don’t know, what will I love some of the words that you use? Because they’re words that literally I’ve heard from the women in my life that, you know, dissolve into nothingness? Or I’ve heard, dissolve or? Yeah, like, sort of dissolve into, you know, a million points of light, or I have even, I even had one woman say, she said, What did she say something along the lines of like, I couldn’t get up off the floor because I was a quivering puddle of, you know, whatever, you know. And on the catwalk. Yes. So I’ve heard those exact words that you’re using from women in my life, and it’s just like, that is what is possible, and then what effect does that have on your life?

And, you know, again, this is not like, Oh, it’s just you know, what women benefit from an orange just what men it’s like what we can both benefit from when we can have our relationships and our sex be like that, like, wow, what does that create? And what does that allow us to then go out and create in the world? Hell yeah. All right. So we’re pretty much at the end of the show. I had a ton of questions. I didn’t ask you, but it’s totally okay. I think we accomplished what I really wanted to accomplish today, because we really talked about, you know, what happens when we’re too much in our heads, right? And what are the benefits of getting out of our head and getting into our body? We talked about how using tools like sexuality and tantra can help us do that, how that can help us get into our bodies, and how that can really ripple out through the rest of our lives in very positive ways.

And so, you know, if you are a man who’s very stuck in his head, you’re a woman who’s very stuck in your head, you’re dating somebody who’s you know, or in a relationship with somebody who’s really stuck in your head, there are tools and people out there that can help you get back into your body experience, sexuality and an energy that flows through you that is so powerful, that you may never even have experienced before in your life. And it could actually radically change your life as it did for you. And it did for me, too. I would say my evolution was a little slower over a longer period of time. Like it wasn’t like one breakthrough moment that was like, Ah, right, you know, but it doesn’t really matter. We all have our own journey, it doesn’t matter how we get there. The point is, is that we embark on the journey, and we do eventually get there. So Alright, last thing, tell the listeners, if they’re interested in working with you, where can they find out more about you and the work that you do?

Dr. Jessica Gold 51:56
Yeah, so definitely check out my website, it’s bliss-science.com. And I have a program you can sign up for at any time. It’s called the tantric man. It’s a combination of one-on-one sessions with me and doing some of my on-demand programs. So you can feel confident knowing how to develop full-body energy orgasms and all the yummy things that we talked about. It just takes three months. And so you can find that on my website under courses. You can also follow me on Instagram, I’m at Bliss.science, and LinkedIn, Facebook as well.

Kevin Anthony 52:32
Awesome. So I have one last question that I asked all the guests that come on my show. You should have no problem answering this one at all. That is what is your best sexual talent?

Dr. Jessica Gold 52:47
Ah. I mean, well, I think what I really love about what I was able to give myself permission to do through my tantric training, and I ended up spending over four years in my training after that first aha moment. But it’s really this ability to just let myself be a mess and make weird noises and just be like in my body and totally let go and surrendered to the pleasure.

Kevin Anthony 53:22
Yep, there is. From a man’s point of view, there is nothing better than when your woman just completely lets go, screams, makes noises like whatever. Yeah, that is the best. All right, Jessica, I want to thank you for coming on the show and sharing your wisdom.

Dr. Jessica Gold 53:45
It’s truly a pleasure, Kevin. Thank you.

Kevin Anthony 53:48
All right, everybody. That’s all the time I have for this episode. And I will see you next week.

I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends. And for more free exclusive content. Join me in the passion vault at KevinandCéline.com/vault. That’s KevinandCéline.com/vault. Thanks for listening. And remember, as Céline used to say you’re amazing!