Kevin Anthony 0:00
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, the place to be for honest and real talk about relationships and sex, whether you’re a man or woman, single or a couple, this is the show for you. I am your host, Kevin Anthony, and I am here to help you have the relationship of your dreams and the best sex of your life.

Kevin Anthony 0:26
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 399 and it is titled, Penetration Techniques to drive her wild. First of all, 399 thank you for being here, especially if you’re a longtime listener. Next week is obviously episode 400, and I have something fun planned for that episode, so make sure that you tune into that one celebrating 400 episodes of the Love Lab podcast, which is really fun and exciting.

Kevin Anthony 1:01
Okay, so today we’re going to be talking about penetration techniques to drive for a wild, and a couple of weeks ago, on the show, I had some guests on. I had Dr Saida Désilets and her partner, Aaron Michael, and we were talking about common penetration issues. So like, you know what can happen, what can go wrong when penetrating? And that brought us into a whole discussion about how penetration is not just a one sided event, that there are two sides to it, right? There’s the masculine penetrating, and then there’s the feminine receiving. That was a great episode, but I thought that I would also do a follow-up to that on different types of penetration techniques, because it’s one thing to talk about. Okay, here are the problems that can happen. And you know that’s valid, absolutely valid, and important to talk about. But equally as valid is, well, okay, how can we do it? Right? How can we really make the most of this? One, to avoid any of those negative, negative things happening. And two, really, to maximize our pleasure, have the best sex we can possibly have. And so that’s what we’re going to talk about today.

Kevin Anthony 2:17
And you know, it’s titled penetration techniques to drive her wild. But this isn’t all just about the male. This isn’t just, you know, teaching men how to do it. This is, you know, describing to both men and women, you know, the best ways that you can possibly utilize penetration in your sex life to have the best sex you can possibly have. So that’s what we’re going to be talking about today. I got all kinds of stuff. I got things that you should do before you penetrate. I have things that you should be doing when you first start penetrating. I have a list of things that you shouldn’t do, the whole what-not-to-do list. And then, of course, I’ve got the What To Do List, which is a list of different techniques to maximize pleasure during penetration. And I also have some interesting data from a study published in P, L, O, s1, talking about some of these techniques and what women report works well for them. So I’ll be sharing that with you during this episode as well.

Kevin Anthony 3:23
But before we do that, of course, there’s always some ads to help pay for the show, and today, I have something brand new and really exciting to share with you. I don’t know if my excitement for this will really come through in this ad, but I’ll do my best. Are you ready to build deeper intimacy and a more passionate relationship? I hope so, because I am introducing the sex, love, and intimacy app for singles and couples, which I am calling Intimacy Mastery. It is your personal guide to mastering Love, Sex, and connection. With this app, you will get a personalized plan tailored to your unique relationship goals. You will enjoy daily lessons, real world challenges and guided reflections, all designed by me Kevin Anthony, your trusted guide and coach, track your growth, celebrate your wins, and get expert feedback every step of the way, access exclusive resources, videos and proven tools right at your fingertips, whether you’re single or partnered, this app will help you create the love life you truly desire, and the app is available right now. Go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/go/app. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/go/app.

Kevin Anthony 4:55
Okay, that is the official ad for my new. To an AI-powered app. However, I don’t think it truly captures the excitement I have for this product. I have partnered with a company called Studio. You may have seen other experts who have apps out there, from a range of different areas. Everything from golf teachers to music teachers to, you know, all kinds of stuff, and I have worked with them to build an app where I’ve created a whole curriculum for the app. And when you, when you sign up, it asks you a whole bunch of questions, and it steps you through, and you get to tell it about your relationship status, your goals, the areas, maybe where you’re struggling, and it takes all of that information using AI, and it builds you based on my curriculum, a customized plan just for you, and it steps you through. And you can choose if you want daily activities or weekly, but it is an app right on your phone that basically coaches you every day, little by little, on how to have the most amazing relationships and the best sex, and it is all based on my content.

Kevin Anthony 6:10
I’ve also trained the AI assistant in the app, which is basically your AI coach on all of my content, so all of my videos, all of the resources that I give out to coaching clients, so that when you have a question, right? Like, oh, you know, my partner sent me this text, what does it mean? Or, you know, she said this, or he did that, or, you know, how do I go about handling this situation that came up? It will answer you based on my many years of knowledge and training. So I know a ton of people personally who go out there and ask chat GPT relationship questions. In fact, it’s one of the ideas. One of the ways that I got interested in doing this was by watching my friends. They would ask me questions, because they know what I do, and then they say, Well, I asked chat GPT, and it said this, right? And it’s not that chat GPT was necessarily wrong, but like those apps are not specifically trained in, you know, sex, love, and relationships, and so this one is so why ask chat GPT when you can ask this app and get better information.

Kevin Anthony 7:22
So please check that out. https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/go/app. I’m really excited about it. I have been using it myself, and it even blows me away at how good it is. Like, that’s how I know that I’m selling something that is worth it. When I myself get excited about it, when I use it, and I’m like, Man, this thing is good, then I know that others will think it’s good too. So please check that out.

Kevin Anthony 7:49
All right. So today we’re talking about penetration, the holy grail of sex for most people, not necessarily for everybody, but most people, when it comes to sex, they view penetration as sort of being the Holy Grail. Uh, although, believe it or not, and I’ve talked about this on the show before, there are a lot of women who do not orgasm through penetration alone. Hopefully, after today’s show, we will decrease the number of women who do not orgasm through penetration, because I’m going to give you all kinds of ways to make penetration better, better for both of you. All right, so now we have to start with before you even penetrate. This is critically important. So before you penetrate, you have to realize that penetration starts long before you insert something into something else, generally speaking, a penis into a vagina. And by that, I mean it starts with proper foreplay. And part of the problem is this is that, you know, too many people don’t think about sex and foreplay until they’re in the bedroom and they want to penetrate. And they’re like, Oh yeah, there’s, there’s a little bit of stuff I got to do first in order to make that happen. Just, just, just a little bit of, like, hurry up, get through it, and then we get to penetration.

Kevin Anthony 9:21
But as you’ve heard me talk about on the show many, many times, it really starts long before you make it to the bedroom. And this is the whole constant state of arousal that I’ve been teaching for many, many years, where I’m teaching people like you know, when it comes to turn on in the bedroom, it starts long before you get to the bedroom, you want to do the little things, day in and day out, to stoke that fire, that way you don’t have to go from, you know, completely unaroused, no desire, closed up, no lubrication, to, how do I get to be open and lubricate? And ready and longing for penetration.

Kevin Anthony 10:03
Obviously, there’s always going to be a little bit of that that has to happen, but the idea is that there’s some level of turn on already, because you’ve been doing the little things day in and day out. You’ve been appreciating each other. You’ve been, you know, telling each other that you love each other. You’ve been kissing each other, hugging each other, cuddling with each other, grabbing each other’s butts, doing little, what I like to call random acts of sex. I was listening to a doctor who’s really big in the health and fitness space and sort of the biohacking space, and she has this idea of these exercise snacks, which are like these little bits of exercise that you can do, you know, get up from your desk and do 30 seconds or a minute of some exercise, you know, rather than just staying seated in your desk all day. And I listened to that the other day, and I thought, Oh, my God, that’s exactly what I’m talking about when I talk about my spontaneous or random acts of sex, they’re like little things that you can do with and to and for each other that keep stoking that fire, right? So a little touch here, a little hand job, a little oral sex, like little things like that that don’t have to go anywhere, don’t have to take a long time, but that continue to stoke that fire.

Kevin Anthony 11:24
So when you think about that in terms of penetration, it’s like do those little things so that you’re already building anticipation, you’re building arousal, you’re building desire. It’s so important to start with that, you know. And the thing is, you know, for men, they generally think about penetration. It’s like, okay, I have an erection. I’m ready to go, right? But what they don’t realize is that, for women, it’s not like that. It’s not just like, oh, okay, I’m open and lubricated, I’m ready to go. For women, they need to relax, they need to slowly open, they need to lubricate, and they need to build arousal first in order for there to be some desire in most cases. And so I think a big part of how do we eliminate some of the problems that occur with penetration is just understanding that too many times, what I see is that when it comes to men and women, the problems that we have are simply not realizing or recognizing that We’re different, especially nowadays, there is so so much just stuff out there about there’s no difference between men and women and this blah, blah, blah, and it’s all the same and equal this and equal that.

Kevin Anthony 12:50
And it’s like that really does us a disservice that denies key qualities of what it means to be a woman or what it means to be a man. We can’t just say everything is the same, because it is not, and it is so easy. We don’t need studies. We can just simply look at each other, talk to each other, communicate with each other, and know that we are different. But here’s the thing: that’s a good thing. It’s a good thing that we’re different. I love to use the sign of the Yin Yang. In fact, I will pop it up over here, one that I created, that I really love and that I will show more often. I’m going to do another episode on this, but it’s one that incorporates masculine and feminine into the Yin Yang, because we are different. And in that symbol, it’s like we are opposite halves of the whole, right? And of course, in that symbol, you have a little bit of each one inside the other as well. I just think that’s such a beautiful representation. Yes, we are different, and as long as we understand that and we embrace that, and we don’t see that as a problem, then we can learn how to work with each other, and that’s really what it’s all about.

Kevin Anthony 14:14
So men, yes, you have an erection, you’re longing to penetrate the second you get a boner, and you’re like, Okay, let’s go. And then you’re not understanding why she’s not ready yet, why she’s slowing you down, and why she’s going, Ah, that doesn’t feel good for me, right? And you’re like, I don’t understand. Like, I thought we were having sex, right? But if you understand how her body works, then suddenly it all makes sense. And you go, okay, yeah, I do have a raging erection right now, and I really do want to penetrate, but I understand my partner needs something a little different, right? And, you know, it works the other way around, too. Ladies, I know you get frustrated when he just wants to go straight for penetration, and it’s just a matter of understanding, you know, how it works and how it is to be in a male body, and the reason why he wants to do that.

Kevin Anthony 15:04
Now, I’m not saying that’s a pass to just let him do whatever he wants, but it just helps create some understanding. The more understanding we have about each other, the better things will go. Right? So again, penetration starts long before you insert a penis into a vagina, even though the man may have an erection and you’re ready to go, she isn’t. She needs to relax, she needs to slowly open, she needs to lubricate, and you can help her with all of that. Of course, practice your constant state of arousal before you get into the bedroom. But once you’re in the bedroom, continue with touching her, kissing her, helping her build her arousal. Start touching, you know, places that are outside of her genitals or her breasts. There are lots of really sensitive areas. I have a whole thing. You can find it https://www.powermastery.com. It’s like 11 erogenous zones before you get to her genitals, right? So these different places you can touch in her body that will turn her on and get her, you know, wanting penetration before you ever even touch her genitals. So that’s really important.

Kevin Anthony 16:17
And you know, if you do a good job at all of this pre-stuff, then she should basically be longing for you to penetrate her, right? She should be asking you to penetrate her. And that’s kind of a fun thing that you can do sometimes, you know, sometimes it’s like, okay, let’s, let’s get her, you know, to a point where she’s open and ready for it, and then, and then we go. But you can also use it as a way of sort of teasing and building anticipation, where it’s like, she’s asking you, like, Oh my God, I need you inside me right now. And you’re like, not quite yet, right? And you can continue to play with that, work with that, tease her a little bit until she wraps her legs around you and pulls you in as hard and fast as she can, right. Have fun with that. That’s kind of the fun of sort of playing with that arousal and desire and building up that longing to penetrate. Now, having said that, once it is time to penetrate. There are some things you want to do as well. So whether you are a man or a woman, you want to make sure that there is enough lubrication.

Kevin Anthony 17:37
And women know this very, very well. Women know that when there’s not enough lubrication, this just doesn’t work. It’s painful. Sometimes it even burns. You know, the inner labia can sometimes, like, be kind of sucked inside in a really uncomfortable way. Like, lubrication is important, and lubrication is created from both the man and the woman. So, you know, if you’re healthy, especially if you’re young, you should be lubricating with enough, you know, proper stimulation. So, you know, you want to make sure that she has enough lubrication. You also want to check. I mean, if, God, there’s, you know, there’s nothing wrong, you should be producing some lubrication as well. And I know men will say often, well, you know, yeah, I used to when I was younger, but, you know, now that I’m in my 40s, like that doesn’t really happen anymore. Or, you know, whatever. I’m in my 50s, and it still happens all the time. You know, you call it pre come right where, you know, if you build enough, turn on, it just starts, literally dripping out of your penis, and that’s a good thing. That’s what it’s designed to do. It’s designed to help with penetration and create lubrication.

Kevin Anthony 18:51
So you want to make sure that you’ve got enough stimulation on both ends for that to be happening, because that will significantly improve the ease of your initial penetration. You also want to make sure that she is open. So the first thing is making sure that her labia are open. And you’ll see, when she’s turned on, they will just naturally open by themselves, and when she’s not turned on, they’re generally closed. How obvious that is, it sort of depends on the woman and the size of her labia. So, you know, smaller labia sometimes will appear a little bit more open, even though she’s not that turned on yet, whereas larger labia often will kind of like stick together, and it’ll take a little bit more for them to open. But in either case, you will notice that when she is ready to go, they will be open. So if they’re not open, she’s probably not ready yet.

Kevin Anthony 19:56
When she is open, you want to penetrate her slowly, even if there’s plenty of lube, even if the labia are open, slow penetration is almost always the best way to go. Now, there may be some instances where both of you are hot and heavy, and she’s like, ” Get that thing in me right now, you know? But honestly, that’s just not how it normally goes. And you know, you see that in movies, although you won’t see the actual penetration, but they’ll make it like the super fast thing, you know, you’ll definitely see it in porn. That’s another thing. Remember that porn is not real life. In porn, they’ve had fluffers. They’ve probably been having sex for a bit already. Unfortunately, in some cases, there are drugs used to open things, and like, it’s just not real life. So, you know, I believe it or not, I still hear guys say things like, Oh yeah, I couldn’t wait to just jam it right on in there. And I’m just like, just I do the face palm, and I’m just like, No, no doesn’t work. Like that. Come on now.

Kevin Anthony 21:08
And I’ve heard this from men who who you know, are older and have had a significant number of partners, and I still sometimes hear these things said by them, and I’m just like, when in your life have you ever seen that really work, and yet you’re still holding on to this idea. It just blows my mind sometimes. So penetrate her slowly. Trust me, she will appreciate it, and if she wants it faster, she’ll let you know. She will let you know. Another thing that’s really wonderful to do while you are penetrating her slowly is to look into her eyes. Look into her eyes. It is a really vulnerable thing for a woman to open herself wide and accept you into her, and she wants to know that you are present there with her while this is happening. So it’s really, really helpful. You know, as you are slowly penetrating, just gaze into her eyes, trust me, she’s looking in your eyes, whether you’re looking at hers or not, and that just helps her feel like you’re really connected to her in this extremely vulnerable moment. If you haven’t been doing that one, trust me, you need to do it. Try it.

Kevin Anthony 22:31
And then, you know, come back and comment on this video and tell me what your experience is, because I guarantee you it’s going to make a difference. Just that one simple little thing. Okay? And then lastly, once you are fully in, pause for a moment, pause for a moment, you don’t have to go. It’s like the starting gun didn’t go off. There’s no race that has to happen that now you’re in, it’s off to the races in pound town, right? Okay, yes, that can happen sometimes, but it is absolutely the minority of times that you will penetrate your woman. So just pause for a moment. Feel the sensations. This is an amazing thing that’s happening. Right? There is a penis inside of a giant, and both of you are, or at least should be, feeling some pretty intense sensations just from being there, right, without even any movement. And that can be extremely pleasurable. It also helps guys who want to last longer.

Kevin Anthony 23:42
It also gives you an opportunity to get used to feeling the energy of being inside your woman, which, if she’s really turned on by this point, and hopefully she is, can feel really intense. And so, guys who you know struggle to control their ejaculation. It’s like they penetrate. It’s like sticking your dick in an electrical socket. There’s all this sexual energy moving right. Then they’re off to the races because they think, you know, that’s what they’re supposed to do. And is it any wonder? Why, in less than five minutes, they ejaculate, and they’re done, and she’s like, What the f I am, barely even aroused yet. So just slow down.

Kevin Anthony 24:32
In fact, when, when you’re done, initially penetrating. Pause for a moment. Pause. Look into her eyes, acknowledge this moment of vulnerability for both of you, and feel the sensations right before you go any further. So this, of course, brings me to my list of what not to do’s, and I’ve kind of covered them already. But I really want to make sure that the What Not To Do’s are clear, like really clear. So what not to do? Number one, don’t penetrate too early. So I covered a whole bunch of stuff already on what to do before you penetrate. Do that stuff. Do all of that stuff. Now, I know it’s going to vary, right? It’s not always going to be a 30-minute lead-up to penetration. Maybe it’s 15 minutes, but it works because her level of arousal is going to vary. It’s going to vary based on what’s going on in life, and what the moment is that you’re having sex, and how much constant state of arousal stuff you did. So you know, it’s going to vary. It’s not always going to be a whole big, long thing, because sometimes guys are like, oh, man, that sounds like a lot of work. It’s not really that much work, and it will vary. But do all that stuff. So don’t penetrate too early.

Kevin Anthony 25:58
Next is, don’t penetrate too quickly. Please do not penetrate too quickly. It’s not about speed; in fact, that can often be rather uncomfortable. Savor the moment, you wouldn’t take a glass of expensive fine wine and chug it like you know, a bottle of water after you just finished a workout, like you wouldn’t do that. Well, you shouldn’t do that. You would sip it slowly. You would savor it. You would enjoy it. Do the same thing with your penetration. Another thing I just mentioned a moment ago, don’t start sprinting like the starting gun just went off once you penetrate. You do not have to just start, like, going, you know, to pound town, you know, 100 miles an hour, nonstop, like just, just don’t again. There will be very few and far between moments where she’s going to want that, and when she does, she will let you know. Otherwise, it’s safe to assume to start slowly. And another what not to do. The last one on this list, and this one is primarily for the guys, but it’s focusing only on how it feels for you and not how it feels for her. And this will make more sense when, when I do the second half of the show on the what to do’s.

Kevin Anthony 27:34
But you know, just because a particular thing, like, you know, pounding really hard, you know, in a straight in and out fashion feels really good for you, and your penis doesn’t mean it feels really good for her. And I think a place where a lot of guys go wrong when it comes to penetration techniques is that they assume that what feels good for them also feels good for their partner. And that’s not necessarily the case. Some things will feel good for you, but not for her. Some things will feel good for her, but not necessarily all that great for you. The goal is to find techniques and positions and such that work for both of you, where you both find it mutually stimulating.

Kevin Anthony 28:17
And I’ll say this, there are some times where I’ll do a particular technique with my woman that doesn’t necessarily provide a lot of stimulation for me. I mean, it’s fine, it’s not bad in any way, but I know it really works for her, and so I want to keep doing that, because I know it’s really working for her. So this idea is like, you know, it’s not just all about what you feel and your pleasure, but to pay attention to your partner and what’s working for your partner. And that goes both ways. Ladies, you should be doing the same thing too. You should be paying attention to, you know, what’s working for your partner as well. But definitely, in this situation, it’s generally the guys who are more concerned with, you know, oh, wow, this feels really good on my penis. I’m going to keep going without paying attention to, oh, this is actually not that comfortable for her, right?

Kevin Anthony 29:10
And I talk all the time, you know, teaching guys in this particular instance, like how to use their visual acuity, like, pay attention. What expression is she making with her face? What is, you know, she flushed. Is she turning white? Like, is she’s like, ah, you know, is her body tensing up? Is it relaxing? Like, pay attention to all that stuff. And ladies, you know, that goes for you too. You know, in your case, it’s often paying attention to his arousal level to see. Is he getting too close to ejaculation too soon, right? And then shifting your behavior in order to help him, you know, last longer and stay in control. So definitely, you should both be paying attention in this particular case. You know, guys pay more attention to what’s working for her. And like I said, that will make more sense in a moment when I get to. To all of the things you should be doing, and these are all the different techniques and ways that you can do things differently during penetration that can really increase your pleasure and make sex so much better for both of you.

Kevin Anthony 30:13
But before we do that, got to take another break. Men, life is just too short to fall short in the bedroom. In today’s day and age, it is no longer acceptable to be mediocre at best, or even worse, if you are struggling with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, ejaculation control, or poor skills in the bedroom, then power and mastery is for you. This three-course program will have you rise to the occasion every time, last as long as you want, and wow her with your skills in and out of the bedroom. Join the exclusive club of men who have taken charge of their sex lives by going to https://www.sacredfemininearts.com/bjmastery That is https://www.sacredfemininearts.com/bjmastery. You know a lot of what we’re talking about today, you can learn inside power and mastery, as well as a whole lot more stuff. Yes, power and mastery will help you have longer, harder, stronger erections. Yes, it will help you learn how to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation, so that you can master your ejaculation and have control, but it also teaches you sex skills as well. So please go check that out https://www.sacredfemininearts.com/bjmastery.

Kevin Anthony 31:43
Okay, all right, I did ads today for two of my favorite products, my power and mastery, that I put so much heart and soul and work into over the many years that it has been out. And of course, my brand new product, which is my intimacy mastery coaching app, which I am super excited about. So I mean, I know nobody really wants to hear commercials while they’re listening to interesting content, at least. I hope you find it interesting. But I really do believe that both of those things can significantly improve your relationships and your sex lives. I wouldn’t put it out there if I didn’t think that.

Kevin Anthony 32:23
Okay. So next is, what do we do? So we’re talking about penetration. We’ve talked about all the things you should do before penetration, right? And then we talked about, you know, basically, how to start penetration, right? So there’s like, all the pre stuff, then there’s like, actually doing the actual penetration. But once you are inside, right? Once you’ve achieved penetration, there are different things that you can do during penetration that can significantly increase the pleasure for both of you, and that’s what we’re going to talk about right now.

Kevin Anthony 33:04
So the first thing to keep in mind is that penetration isn’t just about in and out. It’s not just about in and out, right? You don’t just insert in out, in out, in out, in out. It could be, but that gets a little boring, and there’s way more that you can do. And so the first thing that you should be doing is moving your hips. Move your hips side to side, round and round, up and down, right like, just move your hips. And when you’re doing that, pay attention to her reaction when you move a certain way. How does she react to it? Right? She will likely react in very favorable ways in some positions and then maybe not so favorably in others. And so figure out which ones really work for her.

Kevin Anthony 33:53
And when we say move your hips, I’m not just talking about the guys. So when it comes to penetration and moving your hips. Guys, move your hips. Move your hips. I don’t care if you can’t dance. You don’t need to be able to dance in order to do this. If you are a dancer, just think about your dancing, but horizontally instead of vertically. But women also can move their hips, and it’s really for them about changing the position of their hips. So one of the things that you can do is use like a wedge-shaped pillow. I’ve talked about this before. I talked about it recently in a video that I did with Karen bigman of taboo to truth, we were demoing. We were really demoing. We were holding up to the camera a pillow made by a company called Tabu, and it is my absolute favorite wedge-shaped pillow to use. It just works. There’s something about the size, the shape, the angle, the way it’s designed, that just works for my partner and I so you can find that on my website.

Kevin Anthony 35:06
If you go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/products/, look for Tabu. It’s the company name, and they sell it. It’s a great pill. I’ve been using it now, probably for about two years or so, and it’s held up really well. The cover is washable. It’s just, it’s just great. So anyway, that’s just one example. You don’t have to do that. There are different positions you can use to change the angle of your hips. The idea is that ladies, you can shift the angle of your hips in order to make the penetration better. And guys, you can move your hips a bit too. And if both of you are doing that, you can really create some pretty amazing sensations. So don’t think about just straight up, linear in, out, in out, move your hips. So, some other things that you can do are vary the depth of penetration. So that’s often called shallowing. Yeah. Shallowing is a term that they use, you know, obviously, when you are just using, you know, penetration in, you know, the very, you know, first, you know, beginning sort of shallow part of the vagina.

Kevin Anthony 36:18
But you can vary the depth of penetration. So you can switch back and forth from shallowing to deeper penetration to short strokes to long strokes, right? So varying that can create good sensations. Now, you know, we talk about this a lot on the show when it comes to pleasuring a woman, and we often say, you know, find something that works and stick with it. Like if we were teaching a master class on oral sex or fingering techniques, you know, we would say, when you find something that’s working, stick with it, right? And that is generally true. However, when it comes to penetration, you know, if you’re really paying attention to what’s going on, you’ll notice that, you know, a technique will work for her for a while, right? Because you’ll feel her arousal and her excitement increasing in her breathing, and then it’ll come back down again, right

Kevin Anthony 37:12
So when stuff like that happens, just change it up. Change it up. Sometimes changing that up is actually really, really good for her and for you as well, right? So, for her, because sometimes she needs different stimulation in order to keep the arousal going. And then for you, because sometimes, you know, guys that, as I said earlier, they just want to, like, hurry up and just get to pound town straight in and out, but that usually leads them to premature ejaculation. So changing, whether you’re changing the depth of penetration or some of the other things that I’m going to talk about in a moment, can really actually shift the sensations you’re feeling and help you last longer as well.

Kevin Anthony 37:58
So varying the depth of penetration and using a technique that is often referred to as shallowing. I forgot to mention that when we were talking about changing the angle of penetration, which is often referred to as angling. I don’t necessarily care if you remember the terms, but the reason why I’m pointing those out is because when I get to the part about the study that was published in PLOS ONE, I can’t say that fast for some reason, they’re going to use those terms. They’re going to use terms like angling, shallowing, rocking, flexing, renewing, pairing, stuff like that. And so you’ll understand what I’m talking about when you hear me read those research results. So, so far we have covered angling and shallowing, and then I put it in here, because I think this is a beautiful practice that comes from more of the tantric arts, and that is what we call stillness.

Kevin Anthony 38:56
So pausing and practicing stillness from time to time. It doesn’t have to always be about constant motion. Sometimes, stillness can be extremely pleasurable. So one of the things that I’ve noticed over the years, and I’ve seen this with multiple partners that I’ve had over the years, is that, you know, sometimes you’ll notice, as you’re doing penetration, she’ll be getting really, really close, but not quite going over her edge into orgasm. And she’ll get really close, and then it’ll come back down again, and she’ll get really close and come back down again. And that’s normal. There’s nothing wrong with that. That’s part of her sort of riding her own waves. Sometimes she’ll go over into orgasm, and do that several times, if she’s multi orgasmic, and sometimes she’ll get close, but not quite. One of the things that I’ve noticed is if she’s really turned on and she’s gone through a few of those cycles, and she’s gotten really close, but hasn’t yet quite gone over the edge into orgasm.

Kevin Anthony 40:01
Sometimes, if I pause in really deep penetration and just don’t move my body and just allow all of the other, it’s not a distraction, you know, but like there’s movement, and there’s things happening and all that. I won’t call it distraction, because it’s part of, you know, the this part of penetration and thrusting and sex, but when you calm all of that down, right, and there’s just her open, aroused, pulsating genitals and your, you know, hard, pulsating genitals, sometimes just feeling that energy alone is enough to actually send her over her edge and have an orgasm. And so I’ve experienced that many times where, you know, we’re having great sex, and there’s plenty of waves up and down, and then I’ll just pause with deep penetration inside her and just feel both of those. You know, her energy, I’m feeling her energy. She’s feeling my energy, and then sometimes that literally just pushes her over the edge, and she’ll go into orgasm. So try that. Play with that. Experiment with that.

Kevin Anthony 41:10
You know, sometimes, often, people think there has to be movement or motion or friction or something in order to get there. And that’s not always the case. And you can. You can play with that. You know, you can. You can pause multiple times throughout the lovemaking session. Maybe sometimes it pushes her over, maybe it doesn’t, but it’s just part of varying all of that up. If you think about this, let’s use a music analogy here for a moment. If the music is just always the same thing, it’s always the same. It doesn’t really do a whole lot for you, right? Like, maybe it does for a little bit, and then you’re like, Oh, my God, really, can it do something else? The best music is the music that moves. Not just moves you, but the music itself moves. It can move in lots of different ways. It can actually change tempo, right? It can change in volume, it can change in time signature. It can change in key. It can have moments of, you know, basically quiet, and then moments of lots of notes. So like when we’re talking about music, and we’re talking about, hey, talking about, hey, swing this, that’s the difference between, like, boom, boom, boom, boom, and boom, boom, boom, boom boom, right?

Kevin Anthony 42:31
We call it swinging it like you’re adding a rhythm to it, right? And changing all of those variables is what gets you to move through the music. The same thing is true with sex. So when we’re talking about varying angles, when we’re talking about varying the depth of penetration, when we’re talking about stillness in music, we say all the time, the pauses between the notes, the silence between the notes, is just as important as the notes themselves. And a lot of times, especially you know, younger musicians, when they’re learning how to solo, they want to fill every second of space with a note, and it’s like no work the balance between silence and notes, and if you do that, well, you move people. The same thing is true with sex, and so that’s why I had to add the pause practice in there. Let’s see what else we have on the list. Okay, change the speed. That’s an obvious one, right? So you can speed up, you can slow down. You can do that many, many times, in many different ways, lots of ways that you can change speed.

Kevin Anthony 43:45
You can change the rhythm. That’s another thing that you can change. So you’re not always doing the same rhythm all the time. So those are some pretty easy ones to conceptualize and think of as ways to improve the experience of penetration. And here’s another one. This one is where you’re using the pubic bone to rub against, basically, you know, the mons, pubis, and the clitoris. And this is something a lot of people don’t realize is actually happening, and they don’t necessarily think about it. But you know, you can have tremendous sensations from penetration without going in and out. In other words, if you are, you know, deeply and fully penetrating, so that your pubic bone is up against hers, but you’re moving your hips side to side, or around in circles, or just rocking, you know, some motion like that. Not only is she feeling the fullness of the penetration, but she’s also getting stimulation directly to the clitoris. And if you’ve ever paid attention to any of the episodes we did where we were showing the anatomy of the female, you know the clitoris isn’t just the little part. That you can see sticking out, and that there are legs that go underneath the labia, right?

Kevin Anthony 45:04
So stimulating that whole outer area is also stimulating the clitoris, believe it or not. So doing that, you know. So this is what they call rocking, right where you’ve got your pubic bones up against each other, and you’re moving around and generating stimulation that way. So that is something that can be extremely pleasurable, and adding to the mix as well. Next is using your pelvic floor muscles, so both men and women can do this, but this one is a little bit more geared towards the ladies, because you have muscles that surround your entire vagina, and they are often talked about in quadrants, top, bottom, left, right, and you can learn to control all of those individually. In fact, if you go to https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/products/ and you look for the goddess pompoire program, on there. That is not a course that I made, but it’s a course that a woman who I’ve had on the show more than once has made, and it is probably the best. It is.

Kevin Anthony 46:13
It’s not even probably, it’s the best course I have seen anywhere to teach you how to do this, the graphic illustrations and animations, just I’ve never seen anybody do such a good job at showing you exactly what it is that you’re attempting to do. So if you go check that out. Kevin Anthony, coaching.com, forward slash products, look for the goddess pompur program. The young lady who put that together is amazing. She’s been on the show twice, and it’s just a great program. So if you want to learn how to do that, check that one out.

Kevin Anthony 46:56
And yeah, if you can learn to control your pelvic floor muscles, you can create extra stimulation. So from the female perspective, you can learn how to contract and release those muscles in many different ways, and you can create rhythmic patterns that feel extremely pleasurable, not just for him, but also for you as well. And then, of course, guys, if you learn how to strengthen your pelvic floor muscles, well, it will help you last longer, because you’ll have better control over your ejaculation. But let’s say you are in one of those moments of stillness, you can learn how to contract your pelvic floor muscles and basically flex your penis and create pleasurable sensations for her without moving the rest of your body. So using your pelvic floor muscles, often called flexing, excuse me, is something that can create some really, really pleasurable sensations during penetration. You also have completely withdrawing and then penetrating again. That’s something that’s called renewing, which can be very pleasurable.

Kevin Anthony 48:04
I will say that tends to work best once you’ve been having sex for a while and she’s really open, and there’s lots of lubrication. But it is something that can often work well, and there is a sensation that women describe. Obviously, I’m not a woman. So I can’t tell you exactly what this feels like, but there is a sensation that women describe upon the initial penetration, if they’re open enough and if they’re lubricated enough, that is really pleasurable. And so that idea of renewing, fully withdrawing, and then rep penetrating allows them to experience that pleasurable sensation multiple times in a row, which some women really like. Next, we have added clitoral stimulation. This is something that’s called pairing, right? So during penetration, she can be using her hands. She can be using a toy. There are lots of new toys where you don’t it’s like, Look, Mom, no hands. In other words, it’s hands-free. There’s a company that makes some vibrators, one that kind of goes on her mom’s pubis, one that goes around your cock, and it’s a proximity sensor, and every time you thrust and get close, it creates some vibration and stimulation on the clitoris. That’s just one example.

Kevin Anthony 49:22
You can, of course, just use a vibrator, and you can use your hands, depending on what position you’re in. If you don’t have to hold yourself up with your hands, you can actually use those free hands to also stimulate her clitoris. So adding some clitoral stimulation is really good, you know, I’ve done this on the show too. I don’t remember the exact numbers off the top of my head, but I’ve done a couple of shows where I really dove into the stats when it comes to sex. And one of them, one of those stats, was how many women orgasm from just penetration alone. And. There’s actually a significant number of women who don’t orgasm from just penetration, but they do tend to orgasm when you do pairing, which is penetration, with some clitoral stimulation. So that’s something that you can add to penetration as well.

Kevin Anthony 50:18
And of course, you can also add some anal stimulation. Many people find that to be very pleasurable. With that one, you just get, you’ve got to find out what she likes, is that something she actually likes, does it feel good for her? There are many different ways you can stimulate the anus. Find out what works for her. But that is another thing that you can potentially add to the mix to your penetration. So that was a list of, you know, I called it the what to do’s, but it’s like you have, we started with all the things you should do before penetration. Then we talked about how to actually do the initial penetration in a way that works really well for both of you. And then we talked about, once you are already in, how what are some techniques that you can use to make it better?

Kevin Anthony 51:04
So I hope that from all of those, you’ve got some new ideas now, ways that you can make this experience more enjoyable, more pleasurable for both of you. Now, I mentioned earlier that I had a study that was published in PLOS ONE, which many of you have probably heard that it’s a fairly prestigious journal. It was published in April of 2021, and it is titled, Women’s techniques for making vaginal penetration more pleasurable results from a nationally representative study of adult women in the United States. So they did surveys, as they often do with these types of things, and they asked women about some of these techniques. So I gave you the list of techniques already, and I told you how you might be able to use them. Now I’m going to tell you what women reported as far as how they work for them.

Kevin Anthony 52:07
So we talked about angling, right? That’s one of the first ones we talked about. Nearly 90% of the respondents said they use angling, which involves rotating, raising, or lowering their pelvis and hips during vaginal penetration in order to adjust where a sex toy or penis rubs in the vagina. So 90% of women use this technique. 90% of women wouldn’t be using it if it wasn’t working for them right. The next one was shallow, which we talked about. Also, roughly 84% of women said they make vaginal penetration more pleasurable by using shallowing or some kind of penetrative touch just inside the entrance of the vagina. Remember, we’ve talked about this many times. The G Spot is, you know, only about a knuckle to maybe two, depending on the woman, deep inside the vagina. It’s not very deep. This is why I tell guys who are always worried about, oh, my penis is too small. I’m like, it doesn’t need to be particularly large or long in order to reach pleasurable spots inside the vagina.

Kevin Anthony 53:13
So 84% of women said that that technique created more pleasure for them. And then rocking. Rocking is another one. We talked about that as well. 76% of survey respondents said they increased their own pleasure during vaginal penetration through rocking, where the base of the penis or sex toy rubs against the clitoris during penetration by staying completely inside the vagina rather than thrusting in and out. So we talked about that 170, 6% of women increase their pleasure with that one, willing to bet that the other 24% that, at least some portion of them weren’t, weren’t doing it, which is why they didn’t report using it. But there are probably a few where it doesn’t work for them, but it does work for most women.

Kevin Anthony 54:04
And then the last one in this study was pairing, where roughly 70% said they use pairing, which refers to when a woman or her partner reaches down to stimulate the clitoris with a finger or a sex toy during penetration. So that gives you an idea. We talked about the techniques, and I gave you way more than that. I gave you a longer list of additional techniques, but in this particular study, angling, shallowing, rocking, and pairing, those four were specifically studied, and anywhere from 70 to 90% of women said that those techniques increased the pleasure of penetration. So use them. They’re obviously working, and experiment with all the other ones that I mentioned as well. You know, I talk about this all the time, and I’ll just say it again. I am a firm believer that when people have healthy, mutually fulfilled. Ongoing sex lives. They tend to be happier in general. They tend to have longer, more successful relationships, and that spills over into the rest of their life, also, right?

Kevin Anthony 55:11
So they tend to do better at raising children. They tend to do better in the workplace, right? And let’s just everything gets better when people are satisfied, are having happy, healthy, fulfilling sex lives. So that’s one of my big goals here with the work that I do, obviously don’t focus on just sex, you know, I work a lot with the relationship outside of sexuality, but sex is an important component. And so, you know, anything we can do to make it a better experience for both parties, I think, is a positive. So now you’ve got all this new information about penetration. You know, these new techniques go out there and try them, have conversations with each other, like, Hey, would you be interested in trying this? Do you like this? Would this work for you? Try some of these different techniques, and talk about it afterwards. Did you like when I did this, or did you like when I did that, right?

Kevin Anthony 56:12
And then just play with it. Have fun. I have a client right now that I’ve been working with so many of the clients that I work with come to me generally, because they’re having challenges. But every once in a while, I get clients who come to me, and they’re like, I’m not really having any challenges. I just want to make sex the best it can be. And I’m working with a client like that right now, and I’m having so much fun with her, because we’re not we’re not slogging through the childhood trauma and the depths well, although that’s fine too, you know, I enjoy helping clients through that as well, but we’re just having so much fun because we really get to dive into how to make sex better, like, what fun things can we possibly come up with to make this experience, this sort of core experience of being human, better, right? And that’s, I think, that’s really what today’s episode was about. How can we make penetrative sex better for both parties involved? So I hope that you learned something today. I hope that you get to try some of these out. I hope that you experience more pleasure as a result of it, and with that, that is all I have for this episode. I will see you next week for episode 400.

Kevin Anthony 57:36
I hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe, leave me a review and share it with your friends, and for more free exclusive content, join me in the passion vault at https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. That’s https://www.kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault/. Thanks for listening, and remember, as Celine used to say, you’re amazing.