Getting Past The Awkward Dry Spell

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is Episode 199, which is almost at that 200 mark. And it is titled getting past the awkward dry spell. So we have a guest today. And what we’re really going to be talking about is her journey and we’ll get way more into this. I don’t want to give too much of it in the intro but her journey from basically taking several years off of exploring her sexuality or having sex at all.

Kevin Anthony 0:59
And then what changed her mind how she got back into it, and then hopefully some really juicy stories about her sex flirtations that happened after that. So I think it could be really inspiring for people. Because you’re really going to hear both sides, you’re going to hear the casino, sometimes people are like, No, I just need to be celibate, right? And then later on in life, they’re like, no, no, I just need to go out and fuck everything that moves.

Kevin Anthony 1:25
Right. And so I think I’m pretty sure you’re gonna get both perspectives today from somebody who really has experienced both like, why did she decide to do that? Both of those things, and what was her experience with those? And so I think there could be a lot of value here for people who are in either of those positions going, well, maybe I should do this. Or maybe I should do that. Right?

Céline Remy 1:49
Yeah. And like picture this that you sitting down grabbing your favorite drink of any kind doesn’t have to be alcohol, but kick back, relax and kind of be this warrior and live vicariously for Laila. Let’s just give a big shout-out to our sponsors before we bring in our guests. If you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 2:21
Whether you want to have harder erections, last longer, or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com. So make sure you go check it out. Our guest today is Layla London. And she just recently decided to explore her sexuality. After three and a half years of a self-imposed dry spell. She woke up one day and said, Hey, what the heck am I doing to myself? Why have I just shut up that side of my sexuality, and he needed some physical contact badly.

Céline Remy 2:51
So basically, she decided to stop wasting the pretty and get out there. And she set out on her sexual road trip and scratched things off her sex bucket list. And now she’s getting laid exploring kinks, and having all kinds of fun and sifting for the emotions that it stirs up in her. She is blogging and podcasting about it and anonymously. And she is here today on the Love Lab podcast. So welcome Leila Landon.

Layla London 3:22
Thank you, guys. I’m so excited to be here today with you. I can’t wait to jump into all the juicy details.

Kevin Anthony 3:31
So if you haven’t if you’re watching, if you’re listening, I should say and you’re not watching on the video, then you won’t notice anything different but if you’re watching on the video, you might notice that you can’t see later this face so she is staying anonymous. But if you are watching the video, you have a great shot of her breasts so Exactly.

Layla London 3:54
But I don’t know if they’re there. They’re showing out the way they showed. Like I said I forgot that we were I had to tip the camera down so I’m like, I don’t know if they’re really you know, they’re kind of smashed. I have a sports bra on under here. They’re not really placed the right way. But that’s okay.

Kevin Anthony 4:13
Nice to look at nonetheless.

Céline Remy 4:16
And to do you you have permission to stare at somebody’s breasts Kevin 30 plus minutes. Like wow, how often

Kevin Anthony 4:24
glued to the screen.

Layla London 4:28
There’s your bonus. You’re really gonna watch the episode now.

Céline Remy 4:33
So Leila, let’s get back to the beginning. Uh, how on earth did you end up being celibate for like three and a half years? Let’s start with that.

Layla London 4:41
Yes, let’s roll the clock back. Okay. Well, you know, that kind of wasn’t necessarily intentional. It’s just that I think probably like a lot of people you know, you get very I’m a type-A I’m very driven in my business life and I just kind of got to this point where I was so caught up in my business doing well, and I was getting a lot of rewards from that the money, you know, that was great. And I started to really associate sort of who I was and get a lot of my positive, you know, added girls and feedback from the success of my business.

Layla London 5:21
So I really just kept, you know, you and you’re getting that positive reinforcement, you keep pouring into it, pouring into it, pouring into it. And I really just was kind of a little bit obsessive about it, and I enjoyed it, you know, and, but I was obsessive to the kind of to the detriment of some other things. And my personal life was one of those things, it just kind of became a perception of mine, that anybody that wanted to date me or spend time with me, you know, that that was taking away from the business and work, and I kind of protected that like, as a relationship in a way, you know.

Layla London 5:57
So I went along, and then three in it, you know, three and a half years into it, I really just had this epiphany, where, you know, and people ask me, Well, what, what drove that? I don’t know, to be honest with you, I but I remember the moment I was in the bathroom, in the mirror, I think had just gotten out of the shower, you know, as like, like we do you know, I’m checking my body, you know? And I’m like, yeah, it looks good.

Layla London 6:21
And you know, what, what am I doing to myself, I’m like, I am wasting the pretty someone needs to get the benefit of this. And I, I haven’t had any sort of physical touch physical contact in three and a half years. This just has to stop. So very quickly, put on my business hat. You know, I’m like, Okay, wait, there’s a problem. Now you gotta solve it. And I just kind of went into business mode about it, came up with a plan of action and executed it, and we’re literally within about 10 days. That was the end of that. Oh.

Kevin Anthony 7:01
Yeah, you know, it’s funny, it reminds me a little bit of before we got together, oh, my gosh, I thought the same thing love. When I had when I saw recently, and I were friends for several years before we got together, we were in different relationships. We’ve talked about this on the show a lot. And finally, when our relationship situations shifted, and we were both actually available for each other, I reached out to Céline and said, hey, you know, if you’re, if you’re still interested, you know, and her response was, I’m too busy working on my business.

Céline Remy 7:34
For you, I’m too busy with my business, or did you must

Kevin Anthony 7:37
miss out?

Layla London 7:41
Obviously, you overcame that, because you guys are together, right?

Kevin Anthony 7:45
Yeah, that’s a whole other story. But I’m curious, before we get too much into the, you know, sexual exploration type stuff. I’m wondering if there were any lessons that you learned about yourself during that three-and-a-half-year period? Like? Well, you know, you said it wasn’t intentional to decide to be celibate for three and a half years, but nonetheless, you were so did you learn anything about yourself? What do you need, what you were missing? What did you want?

Layla London 8:13
Well, I would say that it was what I really learned, you know, isn’t hindsight. You know, I think that’s kind of what our biggest a lot of times that our biggest teacher is because sometimes when you’re in something, you don’t really see the forest through the trees. So for me, what I took away from that is I just realized about habits and intention. And when people find themselves stuck in something, it’s because it’s really become a habit.

Layla London 8:40
And it’s familiar, it’s like whether you’re good at working out, or you’re not good at working out, you know, it’s not, I don’t know that it’s so much it is discipline, but also, you know, the discipline, I think is in the beginning, and then things become a habit, we just become accustomed to doing them every day, or not doing them every day. And that’s the big thing. That was the key takeaway I had just gotten so accustomed to not having physical relationships, that it became it was it felt normal. This is, and

Kevin Anthony 9:13
this is, this is actually a really good point to bring up to people because you know, you know, we work with a lot of clients, and you know, some of them are dating frequently, and some of them aren’t and want to be, and I think maybe something they don’t realize is they’re not doing the things in life that would create the outcome that they want, right?

Kevin Anthony 9:32
So for instance, if your outcome is you want to have dates, and you want to have connections, and you want to have sex with people, but you’re not making the space for it in your life, then you’re not congruent there. Right? So I think that’s a good point for people to realize is like if you’re really in that dry spell, take a deep look at your life. Where are you not creating space? Where are you not creating the right mix of ingredients for the outcome that you want?

Layla London 9:59
Yes, And, you know, or just simply put, you’ve made it a habit not to, you can make it a habit to do it, you know. So it’s just as it really is just as easy one is just as easy as the other, the perception is that maybe it isn’t. But it truly is. Because once you know, once you just get accustomed to it, and you’re used to it, it’s second nature.

Layla London 10:21
It’s just something you know, you do, it becomes a lot more effortless, and you’re not really thinking about it as much in the beginning, you know, you’re kind of feeling your way around in the dark, just a little bit, you know, if you’re trying to get back into it, but it very quickly kicks off. And, you know, it’s like, I guess you want to say riding a bike just comes back.

Céline Remy 10:43
So I want to come back to that moment in time when you realize that being celibate was a problem for you. Why was that? Because I think that was a really defining moment. And that’s probably what lit up a fire under your ass to start moving forward.

Kevin Anthony 10:57
Your genitals

Layla London 11:01
there was a fire going somewhere, that’s for sure. No, I think it was just it was I really, that’s where I came up with the term stop wasting the pretty, you know, it’s just like, everybody has, it’s not just a, you know, feminine term. I mean, you know, like, you have all these things to offer, why are you wasting them? Why are you shutting down that side of yourself?

Layla London 11:25
And I just thought this is completely wrong, you know, this is a part of who I am. And I’ve just totally turned it off. And, you know, and suffocated it. And I knew that to be balanced and really to, you know, feel whole, you know, I’m like that this is not going to work. So, so I just quickly get a one ad.

Kevin Anthony 11:48
That reminds me of years ago, a mutual friend of Céline and I, who’s a very intelligent person, were having a conversation just about work stuff, and I was not doing coaching work at that time. And we were just talking about it. And you know, what I was up to, and his words were if you have knowledge that you can use to help the world and you’re not doing it, you’re an asshole. That’s literally what he told me. And I was like, I guess he’s kind of right.

Layla London 12:20
I agree. And so I’ll, I’ll play on that even farther. And I’ll say, you know, especially to women, because I don’t know that I find men shut down sexually as much as women do that’s just been, I might be wrong about that. But that’s just been, you know, from having to be a female and having female friends, you know, this is what I see.

Layla London 12:38
And I, you know, so I’ll tell when I run across women that are doing this, you know, I just have that same sort of in the mirror heart to heart that I had with myself with them and tell them to listen, who are you to deny the world all of this, somebody needs this Don’t be selfish, you know, you know, you got to put that pretty out there. So you know, that’s really just kind of how I see it. It’s like, there’s you you have the stuff to offer, you know, you shouldn’t be doing it.

Kevin Anthony 13:07
And the other thing we know is that you know, it doesn’t last pretty no lasts forever.

Céline Remy 13:14
It ships and there are things that you had that you won’t have again, so my, my hairline

Layla London 13:22
it’s true. It’s, that’s another point. I mean, I don’t want to scare people, but you know, it doesn’t. It’s just this, this does not last forever, you know, we’re every we have different chapters in our lives, and they’re all you know, you can still be sexy and attractive at every stage, but it is going to be different. And, you know, I, I know I can admit, as a woman, there’s, you know, I’ll look back at pictures of when I was younger, and I’ll say, oh, you know, cash.

Layla London 13:53
I remember thinking I look back and I go cut it really looked good. And I remember thinking at the time, oh, I don’t know if I look okay, do this. Does this look fat? Does it you know, or whatever. You’re just caught up in stupidness. You know, so I just know like, you can literally waste a pretty and but I’m not gonna let that happen. Oh, yeah,

Kevin Anthony 14:10
I know exactly what you’re talking about. Because it wasn’t that long ago, I was looking back at some older photos of myself. And you know, when I was in my 30s I mean, I was rock climbing all around the world mountain biking all over I was still I mean, I’m still pretty fit not to say that I’m not but I wasn’t super fit super lean, like single-digit body fat numbers, you know?

Kevin Anthony 14:30
And I had no fucking clue that I was that attract. I looked at some photos recently. And I was like, holy shit. I was good. I should have had a line of women waiting. But I had no clue. I didn’t I didn’t even know I did. I didn’t even have the awareness of it. Otherwise, I would have started it some more.

Céline Remy 14:52
So let’s talk about that. You said that you did a total like one ad. And you basically went from three and a half years of a dry spell and you said, I think you said 10 days that you broke it. So I want to know, like, how did that happen? Because I see a lot of people come up with excuses or say like, they don’t have the how-tos. So you might have a how-to that worked for you that might work for others. So please share that.

Layla London 15:18
Yes. Okay. So, first of all, I kind of got really clear with myself like, well, if you’re gonna do this, like, I wanted to make it fun, you know, I wanted to prevent, I wanted to prevent just the quick one-off, and then reverting back. So I needed I knew myself in I knew, you know, like, within, if for business, you know, I always have a goal, like, what is what am I trying to accomplish?

Layla London 15:42
So I got really clear on what I tried to accomplish, and I decided that you know, if it’s fun, I will stay, I will stay with it. And I’ll be interested in carrying through with it. So I kind of decided at that point that I was going to come up with a sex bucket list, and give myself a year to knock things off.

Layla London 16:01
And that was really through this sex bucket list and this commitment to this year of having fun, that that’s how I was going to pull myself out of this and make sure that I established a good habit, a fun habit that, you know, I would want to maintain. So I made the list. And then I very quickly thought, well, now what do I need, I need men so

Layla London 16:28
well, okay, that is the easy part. But it’s quality over quantity. So that’s, that’s where it gets, you know, a little dicey. So it was, I had to kind of create a little bit of a system there too, you know, qualify quickly and move things forward quickly so that I can get on to the fun stuff. So I quickly joined some dating apps. And you know, when I was honest, you know, but that I put that up on my profile, like, this is what I was doing, you know, that I had a sex bucket list, and I wanted to knock things off, well, of course.

Layla London 17:06
insane, insane, here’s the funny thing is, you know, because I put that out there, and people could see what I wanted to do and accomplish. They got on board with it, too. And it was like, you know, you’re coming together. And you both have a common goal right out of the gate. And so that made it fun. And, and it was also being just completely honest about, you know, what I was trying to do and it was an icebreaker and a conversation starter, you know, and people that had already done some of this stuff that said, Yes, I could leave you safely through trying that.

Layla London 17:41
And we’ll have a lot of fun and experience with that, or, Hey, I don’t have any experience with that. But it’s on my list too. So let’s do it, you know, and then you’re either with someone that’s leading you and has more experience, or you’re with someone that you’re kind of locking arms and you’re like, Okay, here we go, you know, we’re doing this together. It’s our big adventure. Yeah. So it was just, it just is fun.

Layla London 18:03
And the first guy that I, you know, met and really thought, Okay, I’m clicking with him, you know, I have a system, so where I just, you know, it’s chatting back and forth quickly, then I want to move to the phone call because I want to hear your voice. This tells me a lot about somebody, then I will meet them personally. And it’s face to face, you know, like at a Starbucks or whatever, just to see, is there chemistry?

Layla London 18:26
You know, do we can I, the things we’re talking about doing here, you know, could I see myself doing with you, and then once that’s established, you know, then we just, we just kick it off, you know, we just pretty much go right into, you know, dating or friends with benefits, whatever you want to call it. And there’s no pressure on anybody that this has to go a certain place that goal really is that we’re gonna, you know, we’re going to do, we’re united on the fact that these are some things that we want to do together.

Layla London 18:58
And from there, you know, a lot, a lot opens up, I’ve had so many great relationships along the way. I mean, because when I started doing this, that was six years ago, and I’ve maintained it, so you know, and

Kevin Anthony 19:14
okay, so. So you talked a little bit about your system, which was great. If you weren’t gonna sort of layout the steps. I definitely wanted to ask that. But you kind of laid out how you went through it with, you know, starting with the chat and moving to the phone call moving to, which I think is great for anybody that’s dating. So then we talk, obviously, with a lot of clients and a lot of friends and they all struggle with this.

Kevin Anthony 19:36
How do I decide whether or not this is a good one, right? And they put a lot of energy into people that turned out to be total duds. And so anything that can help them any sort of a system that they can do to help them get clued in is great. So thank you for sharing that with the audience. And now I really want to dive into this sex bucket list because I got a lot of questions about this bucket list

Céline Remy 19:58
was the sex bucket list on the dating profile, or do they have to connect with you? And then they get an email with it? Is it on a Google Doc? Like, how does it work?

Kevin Anthony 20:08
Somewhere?

Céline Remy 20:09
Do you sign up?

Kevin Anthony 20:11
To hire somebody to write an app for it?

Layla London 20:15
Yeah. So okay, so what I do know, what I said is I just basically, you know, I said, I put right out there, I, you know, I’m coming at a three and a half year dry spell, I want to make my sex life a priority, I’ve created a sex bucket list, and I really want to, I’m looking for somebody, you know, fun and adventurous, who wants to scratch something, he helped me scratch some things off my list. And so then that’s, that was sort of the, you know, I just left it at that.

Layla London 20:43
And then from there, you know, guys would reach out and say, what’s on your list. And, you know, I have, I kind of have a sixth bucket list, or I’ve always wanted to do that, you know, X, Y, and Z. And so it just, you know, because it was a really good icebreaker and a way to start to sort of let the people know where you were going, like, if they were, someone was like, Okay, I’m looking for marriage, right now, then they probably would have passed me by, you know, so it was just presented to be more casual and fun. And, you know, let’s just see where it goes.

Kevin Anthony 21:12
So on a sex bucket list, there can be a wide range of things from very tame, to really crazy and out there. And I imagine over six years your list contains a pretty broad spectrum. But I’m curious. What was the very first thing that you checked off that list?

Layla London 21:32
The very first thing while it was just breaking for obviously, like breaking, breaking the dry spell? Check? That’s a good question. What was the first thing? I think it was? I wanted to learn how to squirt. And so somebody did that quite proficiently. I didn’t believe it. You know, just that this is ridiculous. Who is this guy? Like? He’s so confident. He says, oh, yeah, I can do that. So it’s like, come on. Seriously.

Kevin Anthony 22:03
Right. So this is cool. Because you had never squirted before. And how like, How many times did it take just the one time you guys were together, and he got you the squirt?

Layla London 22:13
The very first time. We were together got the first try first time made me squirt.

Kevin Anthony 22:20
What did you think about that?

Layla London 22:22
I did, by the way. I did. I did end up seeing him for three and a half years after that.

Kevin Anthony 22:28
So there was a lot of squirting. I assume you invested in a few sex mats. Because it mats.

Layla London 22:36
I don’t know how many beds I cannot tell you like how many hotel room beds have been wrecked. By him and I good for you? Yeah, I mean, there was just I couldn’t believe it. Like the first night, there was not really a dry spot on that bed. And I couldn’t I just after that first time with him, I literally had to, he’s like, you can stay you know, like, stay the night and I was like, now I gotta go.

Layla London 23:09
I was literally trying to pull up my pants and my legs were still shaking. I just thought I needed to get out of there and process like, what the fuck just happened here? Like what happened? And somebody knows my body better than me. I don’t even believe it. Like this guy’s a Jedi Master. Yeah.

Céline Remy 23:28
So to all our male listeners, if that’s a skill you haven’t yet learned see how important that is? Well, could transform a woman’s life.

Kevin Anthony 23:35
Not only that, but we actually have a fair amount of women who say they want to learn how to squirt. Yeah. So ladies, if you’re listening, keep in mind, zero experience. She didn’t even believe it was possible to happen on the first try. So if she could do it, you can do it too. You just have to learn how totally

Layla London 23:54
I didn’t even know Yeah, I literally didn’t know anything about it. Didn’t know how to make it happen had never even come close to myself. I never tried. I just put it out. You know, I’d seen it. And I’m like, that looks really cool. I want to see can my body do that? How do they do that? You know? And so when a man said, oh, yeah, you know, oh, yeah, I can do that.

Layla London 24:19
And I just was like I’m like, Okay, I almost went there. Like, just to challenge the fact that no way. No way, you know? Yeah. So yeah, it was just, it was the instant No, you know, I don’t believe that. And anyway, needless to say, that was like the last time I question.

Céline Remy 24:48
You. So I want to know because you said that you saw each other for free and half years after that. Were there kind of were you more into doing open relay friendships? What kind of format were you using? Am I used to using it? And has it shifted throughout those years?

Layla London 25:09
Yes, good question. So yeah, in the very, in the beginning, I was just very upfront with everybody like this is, you know what I’m doing. And I don’t expect that one person is going to come along and meet all these needs and ticked off everything on this list and want to do everything on this list. And so, therefore, anybody that I was with, knew straight out of the gate, that I would be having other partners as well. And they were, you know, they were free to do the same.

Layla London 25:34
There was just, you know, and you had to be okay with that. And, and if, and if anything changed, you know, then, of course, I would hope that someone would come to me and tell me, and throughout the years, you know, I had several open relationships. And then as they changed, I had also very deep, committed loving relationships. And, you know, where you start out one way and things, feelings develop, and things change.

Layla London 26:01
And that’s all part of it. You know, that’s, that’s just life. You can’t really, I was a little naive in the beginning, because I thought, again, with my more business sternness, I’m like, yeah, no, this is, don’t worry about me, I’m not gonna be getting attached to anybody. And I’m pretty, you know, I’m pretty good at staying strong that but you don’t really, at the end of the day control that. So feelings do develop.

Layla London 26:26
And it’s, it’s not a big deal. You know, you just have a conversation with somebody. And, you know, a lot of the guys, I was actually surprised at how many you know, how it was the other way, it was the guys, at some point saying, you know, they’re developing deeper feelings, then, because of that, you know, then they’re not sure how they feel about now, it’s different about knowing that I’m seeing other guys and being intimate with other guys. So you just cross that bridge when you get there.

Céline Remy 26:53
Yeah, I love how you just like it, it’s not a big deal, because that’s kind of how we feel. And like, it’s all about communication, you just have to be clear. And when things shift, again, you bring that to the table you brainstorm, you may find ways to still, you know, find creative ways to stay together or separate or whatever. But I love hearing that somebody else is finding it just as natural and normal as what we always do because most people make a big deal out of that. I don’t

Kevin Anthony 27:22
know what was on her bucket list. But I can tell you that there are only about three, maybe four things that I absolutely would not be up for, and everything else is fair game.

Céline Remy 27:34
Alright, so we’re going to dive more into a bucket list. But first, let’s give a little break to our sponsors. Yes, Kevin, you’re going to know more about your bucket list, okay. If you are loving our show, and you want to find ways to help your sex life and your healthy relationship given I have put together products that are ours and our handpicked affiliates, we’re very picky about who we choose what we like what they have to offer, there have to be really good stuff.

Céline Remy 28:04
And so if you want to support us go and purchase any of the products from us or our affiliates because it supports the way the work that we do. And we can continue to help as many couples as possible, or as many singles to it don’t really matter as many people with their love life. So you’ll find anything from biohacking supplements, courses, books, I mean, tips so many things that

Kevin Anthony 28:25
so you don’t destroy so many beds. Exactly.

Céline Remy 28:29
So good to go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/products. And when it comes to sex mats, I think we have one I have like we have like four and

Kevin Anthony 28:40
we keep some upstairs-downstairs. Travel. Yes. Very important.

Céline Remy 28:47
We can’t live without that. So maybe do you want to go a little bit into like, where this? Oh, well.

Kevin Anthony 28:56
Yeah, I have very specific questions. I definitely want to ask you about this bucket list. So the first one I asked already, was what was the very first thing that you checked off the list? The second question I have is what is the wildest craziest most over-the-top thing that you’ve done that was on that list?

Layla London 29:15
Oh, well shoot the pressure. I mean, see some people be like, Oh, that’s not well, I mean, this next parties I think, you know, having sex in front of other people. Strangers, you know not with strangers I haven’t actually done when I’ve gone to sex parties. I’ve gone with a partner and so the first six-party I went to that was a big story. And then

Kevin Anthony 29:46
is it a good story? Alright, the second one sounds better.

Layla London 29:52
Well, I would say this I would say the first one was just eye-opening because I have really had all these freaking See the ideas about what it was going to be. And they told us I say, it was like a masquerade. So we wouldn’t get these masks, and I thought it was just going to be all these beautiful people dressed to the nines.

Layla London 30:11
And we’re gonna be in this, like house on the hill, you know, just like a movie. And we roll up and we’re in the suburbs. And I’m like, You know what, your station wagons all over the place, like, what is going on? We walk into someone’s house, and it’s a takeover of their home. And every room is like, covered in plastic. And they had a potluck with bubbling chili, and I was like, oh,

Kevin Anthony 30:38
no, no, no, chili is a bad idea for a sex party. I won’t tell the story. But when there was a sex party went to where there was a catered meal beforehand, and they served beans, let’s just say, not a good idea before a sex bar.

Layla London 30:54
Somebody wasn’t thinking, that’s all I gotta say. Like, as a woman, I was like, oh, no, like, oh, is eating this, you know, it’s greasy. It’s bubbly. Like I was, I was mortified. So anyway, but you know, so we make our way around. And, and most people were naked at that point because we got, we got there a little bit late. And I just was really, it was just normal people.

Layla London 31:20
And I really thought, and which is great, by the way, and I tell this story, you know, again, when I get to look retrospectively just was, it was a good lesson because that’s what successful sex is for. It’s for everybody. It’s for normal people, you know, and I had just this Hollywood idea in my head, like, we’re gonna get there,

Kevin Anthony 31:39
I thought it was gonna be Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut.

Layla London 31:42
Everybody’s gonna be beautiful. And like, they came off the, you know, a magazine cover, and it just was everybody, you know, you could possibly think of, you know, all different body types ages, you know, and so once I kind of got over that little shots, like, oh, okay, not what you know, not what I was expecting.

Layla London 32:04
Then I got started walking around, we got relaxed, and I got into it. And since it was my first time, I wasn’t ready to just, you know, start having sex in front of all these complete strangers. But what we did was we ended up in a room where there was an every most people were there with their partners in that room, and they were having sex, and nobody was touching each other, it was all just kind of separate, but then people were walking through and you could watch and be a voyeur, or however you wanted to experience it.

Layla London 32:31
And I decided that I, I didn’t want to have sex, but I was ready, you know that my partner was definitely going to have like the best blow job of his life. So I gave him a blow job and let and let other people watch. It was really interesting because I could hear people behind me talking and watching and, and I, that was exciting, because I could hear that it was tough, but I could, I could hear that what I was doing was turning them on.

Layla London 32:58
And so that was kind of my first little indication that I’d like to be watched, I had to know that. But through that experience, you know, that’s what sort of then open some more doors to experience some other things where I’m more, you know, I get to be watched, and I enjoy that. And I didn’t know that about, you know, just hadn’t figured that out about myself.

Layla London 33:20
But that’s the beauty of the bucket list is sometimes you go there you go, you experience something, and it doesn’t in your mind, you thought it would be a certain way and it doesn’t actually end up what you thought or what you thought you were gonna get out of it. You don’t but something else reveals itself. And then that just opens up a whole nother realm of possibility.

Layla London 33:40
So everything has been positive that I’ve done even though you know, and some of them weren’t exactly as I thought they would be. They lead to other amazing discoveries. Yeah, I

Kevin Anthony 33:51
love the point that you made about you having this idea of what you thought a sex party would be like and then you got then you realize, wait a minute, it’s just we’ve been to a lot of sex parties. So you know, they’re always just in somebody’s house in the burbs. Sometimes the houses are rather large and nice. Sometimes they’re not you know, people have rented houses. But the thing is regular Yeah, you remember that one?

Céline Remy 34:24
Yeah, they were like roosters everywhere and you had to be careful about like not destroying things like rent renting. They

Kevin Anthony 34:30
rented an Airbnb and whoever’s Airbnb it was they had this theme of roosters. And so it got nicknamed cock manor because there were these roofs and they were like porcelain roosters everywhere and you like don’t bump the table and break the car. Back to the original point, which was that you suddenly realize that it’s just regular people, like old people, young people, fat people, skinny people, gorgeous people, people I’d like to look at but it’s

Layla London 35:01
everything. Right? Yes, yes, yeah, it’s

Kevin Anthony 35:05
definitely just the Hollywood version.

Céline Remy 35:07
And I think it really helps us do nothing, especially for us women to realize that the image that we have from magazines are all airbrushed and not real, and that we put in our heads as, as this ideal women. Nobody really is that. And once you start to go there, and you’re like, Oh, she’s got pubic hair or a little satellite, it’s actually normal. Oh, there’s a little champion, is there too cool?

Céline Remy 35:28
Well, and she’s just gorgeous. And she’s loving herself. Well, why don’t I do the same thing, you know, and it’s so liberating because then you just come to a place of acceptance for yourself. And I’m sure it works both ways. I’m just coming at it from a female perspective. Yeah,

Layla London 35:45
no, I agree. 100%. And we sort of I think, for women, we’ve, we need to see examples of it in other women, and that’s why it’s so beneficial because all we see in the media is the perfect image. And then we’re like, oh, okay, so you know, we need to, we need to see it represented, you know, among the sisterhood, the real, the real, the real women of the world, you know, so it’s great.

Céline Remy 36:13
So for me, it was like seeing a woman with body hair. Because that was always obsessing on my legs, like properly wax or shave and like, whatever, you know, and it’s like, this lady couldn’t care less. And I was just like, Oh, she’s right, who cares? And it doesn’t stop me from having pleasure, orgasm, why am I obsessing so much about that, and that totally changed everything for me. And the first time I gave myself permission, because, at wax, it’s not always like, perfect, there’s a time of regrowth. Then when the first time I went somewhere and did not apologize for not having a wax, it was a huge thing. And so liberating.

Layla London 36:50
I have a quick little funny story, I have a friend who used to be an exotic dancer, and she, we both do yoga, and we went to yoga teacher training together. And I, you know, and I became really good friends with her. And I said, I kind of asked you what is going on with your bush? Like, what’s up with that business?

Layla London 37:15
And she’s like, and then she starts laughing, you know, and I go to the shirt because I knew she had boyfriends or your boyfriend, like, doesn’t like, doesn’t care, or you know, is this and then when she used to be an exotic dancer, I go, did you let it go like that when you were dancing? Did anybody hear she’s like, Listen, this policy is gonna get eaten whether or not it’s shaved or.

Layla London 37:39
And I was like, really? She’s just like, men don’t care, you know? And I was like, oh, okay, you’re right. I know, here I am being the woman that cares. And she just like, doesn’t matter. They don’t care. I was like, thank you for that lesson.

Kevin Anthony 37:58
The thing also is, is that there’s somebody out there that has every preference, right? So there’s always gonna be somebody that loves a full Bush, somebody that loves to trim somebody that wants to completely shave, and like, there’s somebody out there that loves it no matter what you write. So

Céline Remy 38:11
even if it’s not their preference, she’s right. They’re still going to eat that policy if it’s in front of them.

Kevin Anthony 38:19
hair out of the teeth, but they’re still happy. Totally. She’s

Layla London 38:23
a beautiful woman. Like if they could make you know, I know. Like, I cannot see a man turning her away. Because she wasn’t it was you know, her she wasn’t waxed or she wasn’t shaved. And, and but I remember at the time, just going, Oh, is that? Is that style coming back? Is that what we’re working with? I just wanted to know, you know, it’s just asking her, and then I go, so Do you get any pushback on that? And she’s just like, no men don’t care. Yeah, they’re gonna go for it.

Kevin Anthony 38:54
Okay, I got one more question about the bucket list. And we’ve got some other questions, too. But this is one more question on the bucket list. I’m wondering if there was something on that bucket list. That was like another, like, pivotal moment or the most memorable thing like this has been a journey over six years. Is there some point in there that was really like this huge light bulb epiphany? Something like that?

Layla London 39:19
Yes. A Game changer. a life-changer. Yes. Is it was exploring BDSM

Kevin Anthony 39:28
I knew she’d be a candidate for BDSM because he’s a type personality and they absolutely need BDSM please continue with that story.

Layla London 39:37
So I just thought, you know, okay, let’s just try it. You know, I just want to find somebody that’s experienced that can show me some things because I just didn’t know anything about it. But you know, I’d watched an eye there were things about it that I found erotic Keno and I was drawn to didn’t totally understand why but again, you know, it’s no judgments, my bucket list. I didn’t have to have a big reason for why I wanted to try it. It’s just like if I wanted to try it, it went on the list.

Layla London 40:05
So, you know, I met someone that said, Yeah, you know, I have experience in this. And, you know, I can absolutely kind of lead you through it safely. And you know, you can, and he’ll respect my boundaries and all that. And I have to say, I want to say this to people that are listening for that to find that one guy. I mean, I had to talk to a lot of Ding Dongs there.

Layla London 40:32
And then yes, in this in on this subject matter, it is really, really widely misunderstood. And the perception is, it’s about you know, women on our knees, and oh, yes, sir. And you know, that all that garbage that you see, just put kind of try to put that aside, because it’s not, it’s misrepresenting it.

Layla London 40:55
It’s misrepresented in porn, and then a lot of guys see that and think, you know, they can just have sex with you the first time and who’s your daddy, and who owns this pussy, and you know, all that stupid shit. And it’s like, you’re not my daddy. And you know, you don’t, you know, shut up, you know, like, you don’t have a right to ask me this really like this, I have not given you permission. So. So I just want to put that out there.

Layla London 41:21
Because it’s you do have to kind of weed through a lot of goofballs. But when you find somebody that’s really good at it, it’s a whole, it just opens up a whole nother world. So that was just my hugest revelation. And it helped me understand why there were men in my life that were great on paper, and had all the right stuff. And I couldn’t figure out what why don’t I? Why am I not totally loving this guy? Why am I not just like, what something feels off?

Layla London 41:53
What is it? And it was really just that I needed to I need a dominant man, I need a man that knows how to lead and knows how to be the man and that with my life and my business life and making all the decisions and having to put that hat on and that armor on, I need to come home and be in my feminine, I need to be the woman. And, you know, if you’re asking me to make all these decisions, and sort of lead as well, it’d be over time it became for me a turnoff. It just wasn’t, I didn’t feel like this was somebody I could go the distance with.

Layla London 42:30
And I didn’t understand why I was feeling that way. So it was confusing for a lot of us for a long, very long time. Because, you know, I would just pick the nice guy. It’s like, all these things on these boxes. You know, everybody loves his family. He’s a doctor, you know, this that the no check, check, check. And it just wasn’t, you know, but there was always that nagging inside of me like, you are bored with this, like you, you are not happy? So, yeah,

Kevin Anthony 42:58
this is a huge point that I think a lot of women are missing today, given the current societal structure, the push against masculinity, the push for women to be that everything, do it all get it all done kind of thing. I’m willing to bet that when the current culture dynamic passes over, you’re going to see a resurgence of women looking for strong masculine men that whom they can feel safe, and whom they can surrender to doesn’t mean being passive. It doesn’t mean any of that stuff that people think it means.

Layla London 43:36
But yeah, not a doormat.

Kevin Anthony 43:39
They Exactly. So yeah, I think we’re gonna see that because I think that what you just described is a common experience for so many women out there right now. And I love the fact that you were able to figure it out and you use BDSM as a tool to get there. Now, you don’t have to use BDSM as a tool to get there. But it was a way because when you start playing with power dynamics like that, it becomes really obvious.

Layla London 44:04
Well, oh my gosh, I mean, there’s for me, it just opened up a whole new world, there’s nothing like it for me that I’ve ever experienced. Even just in the sex act, everything leading up to it is the way we relate outside of the bedroom just as much as inside of the bedroom. Phenomenal. Like this, is that’s the type of dynamic that keeps me hot for somebody constantly. Like it doesn’t shut off. I don’t care for grocery shopping. I’m like, the energy is buzzing.

Layla London 44:42
You know, we just, it’s like, We’re like two little kids. We just want to be around each other. It’s electricity and, and. And you always and it’s the one thing to that so endears you to that person that you can you will be brave enough to have a big disagreement with them, but you trust and know that you can go there with them.

Layla London 45:05
And it’s okay that you’re gonna, you know, you’ll, you’ll come out of it, working it out, you know, I mean, there’s just, it’s because there’s so much trust and connection and it demands great conversation and dialogue to be successful. And that’s what great relationships are based on anyway. And so when you get to go into it, with that door already open, and you know, most of us like tricks you into it, because normally, you might be like, oh, I’m gonna hold back a little more shut down, I’m a little more reserved.

Layla London 45:37
With this, you can’t do it. You cannot do it. And you have to push past that. And you’re pushing past that for other reasons. But then it makes you know, all the other stuff, conversations about the difficult, anything difficult to super easy and comfortable, and you’re able to do it. You know, it’s very fluid.

Kevin Anthony 45:59
From the moment at the beginning of the show, when you described yourself as an A-type personality, I knew there was going to be a BDSM story. I knew it. I knew it. I was just waiting to pull it out because I knew it was there.

Céline Remy 46:13
So I’m curious if you have any advice for our listeners if they like wanting to explore more? What are some of the things that you would tell them they should do? Or like the first step?

Layla London 46:30
The first step to exploring more sexually?

Céline Remy 46:33
Yes, yes, obviously, because that’s kind of what we’ve been talking about. But yeah, and wherever, you know, I think it could work both like, wherever they single, they’ve had a dry spell, or even if they’re in a relationship, and they’re like, they’re not going after what they want, because basically, it’s for anyone who’s realizing they’re not getting what they want, basically, sexually.

Layla London 46:52
Right. Okay, so my big thing, the thing that’s driven this whole, you know, really, I just a simple thing has driven this whole process for six years now, is the sex bucket list. And I checked, you know, I update it, and I change it because I learn new things, and I want to try new things, and it grows and expands, you know. And so I would say that that’s the best place to start. Because that’s kind of like, you know, where you’re steering the ship.

Layla London 47:18
And then, you know, if you’re by yourself, also with a partner, because it’s kind of fun, like, you know, you can say, let’s make this list together, you make a list, I’ll make a list. Let’s exchange I’m gonna show, you know, like, I want to spice things up. And I actually, because I feel that sex bucket list has been such a powerful tool for me, you know, to keep my sex life, hot and spicy and fresh, you know, over this, this amount of time.

Layla London 47:45
I created a little course, it’s just a freebie that people can where people can go and I walk them through how to make a sex bucket list, you know, just give them ideas, get them going in the right direction. Because a lot of times people are like, well, I don’t know what turns me on. Where do I start? You know, I mean, you think you know what it is now, but you also know you want to branch out? So you know, I kind of have some tips and tricks for you know how to

Céline Remy 48:09
work in the gets it if they want it.

Layla London 48:13
Okay, here’s the kicker. It’s almost done. I have just had to do the landing page, and it’s almost up. So by the time you enter this, I will we can put that in your show notes. I assume?

Kevin Anthony 48:24
Yes. Absolutely. Yes. Okay. It’ll be a website. I imagine.

Layla London 48:29
It’ll be on my website. Yeah. It’ll be on the curious girl. diaries.com. Definitely. But also just, you know, I’ll put I’ll get you the link to it. That’s like the last thing I was just talking to the platform that I’m posting it on. And I was like, okay, yeah, now I got to do the landing page. And so I was getting tips for it, how to do it. So it’s almost done. Once I once it’s done, then boom, you know, the URL is created. So

Céline Remy 48:51
okay. Yeah, that’s great. And we’ll add it there. And there’s always the curious, curious girl diaries. Is that is that the one.ca? Yes.

Layla London 49:03
thecuriousgirldiaries.com

Céline Remy 49:03
you also have a podcast if they want to hear more about your juicy stories, because we kind of like winding down this episode. Like, what’s your podcast? Where can they listen to it?

Layla London 49:13
Yeah, the podcast is called the curious girl diaries that you can find on any major syndicator of the podcast, you know, iTunes, Spotify, iHeartRadio, anything, Google it, it’ll boom, it’ll pop up. It’s been around for six years, so it’s easy to find. But I always recommend just people go to the website the curious coronavirus.com From there, you can link anywhere you want to go to all of my social media.

Layla London 49:37
You can leave me a voicemail. I love to get voicemails from people. I get back to everybody. Yeah, you can click on the pink tab on the right-hand side and leave me a voicemail and I respond to everybody’s questions. We can talk about whatever you want. You can ask me something or just make a comment. And then also, you’ll have the sex bucket list and everything that I’ve got going on there. Yeah,

Céline Remy 49:59
sweet. Is there something that would make you stop? Have you ever thought like, hey, if this happens, that’s when I stop, or like what’s going to meet what’s going to be like for you on this journey to continue it as it is or change things around?

Layla London 50:15
Well, I, used it this year originally, I thought this is good, I’m gonna do this for a year. And to knock these things off my list. And that’s gonna be that I’m gonna go right back to my vanilla life as I knew it. And obviously, that didn’t happen.

Kevin Anthony 50:34
What you said, right, no going back,

Layla London 50:37
totally, you know, like, my eyes are open. And it’s fun. And you know, your sexuality is just like any aspect of your life, it’s growing, changing, evolving, and you’ve got to put effort into it. And, you know, it doesn’t as I said, it becomes a habit. Over time you don’t, it doesn’t feel like it’s a grind or anything, and it’s so fun. It’s so rewarding. But, um, so yeah, I am not going to stop No, because because of that aspect, because you’re sick.

Layla London 51:06
You know, we’re, we’re so wired for pleasure, you know, it’s a huge part of who we are as human beings. And I want to keep that going, I want to make a conscious effort to have the habit of focusing on my sex life and making sure that that aspect of me is fulfilled. And that can be you know, who, who that’s with overtime will do and will change. And that can be exclusively not exclusively, you know, it’s just a matter of, you know, who’s in my life and what’s right for us and what’s agreed on.

Céline Remy 51:40
Awesome. So we can link to our last question. And you probably, I think there has been on the two guests, that would be you and another guest who was a porn star who didn’t blush, but we want to know, what is your best sexual talent?

Layla London 51:55
Now, okay, it is now handjobs. Mm-hmm. I just took this course. And I have, I didn’t know like, I really, I feel I was, I have been ignorant up to this point on all the different ways that you can touch a penis and how you can totally drive a man crazy. Again, with my type A, I’m kind of competitive about, you know, when I’m with somebody, like, I want to rock their world, I never want anybody to say like, that was just okay. Yeah.

Layla London 52:28
So I’m very, I’m very determined, as much as I’m submissive, you know, and I love to be, you know, have a dominant man really kind of leading me in the bedroom and all that stuff. I have a, I want the experience that I give my partner to be just a standout. And I took a class and I learned how to give a really great erotic massage and, you know, touching his penis, and I felt, I mean, just unbelievable, all the different ways you can do it, and the reaction that you get from your partner, and you know, you can touch him in ways that he cannot make these different, you know, hand motions and do all this and to be able just to tease and build it up and the moans that he makes.

Layla London 53:17
And I love the little like when you’re when you get right to the edge, and then you’ve got to taper back a little bit like oh, that that is just so sweet to me. Like I love that. Anyway, I have. Yeah, I have. That’s my new that is my new sexual superpower. Like I can sit there and do that for over an hour to you like and enjoy every second of it just as much as you love. Oh, yeah, yeah. And it’s not just that, you know, it’s not. I mean, I say I’ve been guilty of just the, you know, the standard porn, jab, jab, jab. You know, there’s so much more. There’s so I mean, I think I’ve been creative. I feel like I felt like I had been creative. And no, oh, no, I’ve just to broaden my horizons. Yeah, I’m

Céline Remy 54:05
so glad you did. I’m totally going to plugin because I have a Touch of love, which is a course that teaches women how to give hand jobs like that too because I would agree once you know how to do it. It is so much fun for the giver as much as the receiver I’m going to

Kevin Anthony 54:20
highly recommend all women take this

Layla London 54:26
as the receiver and as the giver I mean, I did it with a partner and then he came on my podcast and we talked about it and you know, I didn’t realize how just little like men how little men get that much focus on their penis from from from their partner. And it was like, Oh my gosh, like I wish I knew this sooner you know, because again, I love to please my partner, and men love their penises. I mean, you know, and if you can show it as much love as they love it, you’re cooking with gas.

Céline Remy 55:07
I call it worshiping the COC. When I work with couples, I have a whole module on that. It’s like, that’s usually where the men are sold in like we’re signing up for this program of worshiping Yeah, we win. Where do we pay? Where do we sign up?

Layla London 55:22
And it’s just as empowering for the woman. Like, I’m like, Oh, I got skills like, oh, yeah, you’re gonna be dying if you lose me.

Kevin Anthony 55:35
You know, that may have been the most in-depth answer. We’ve gotten to that question on this show. That’s great.

Céline Remy 55:42
Thank you, Leila. That was awesome. Awesome conversation.

Layla London 55:47
get your Ph.D. and penis.

Kevin Anthony 55:49
Yes, yes, yes. I fully support these PhDs for all women.

Layla London 55:57
You’re gonna remember 199, your favorite episode.

Kevin Anthony 56:04
All right. Well, thank you, ladies, so much for being on the show. We are definitely out of time. Or I would keep asking you questions about stories from your bucket lists, but unfortunately, that’s all the time we have. But thank you so much for being on the show.

Layla London 56:17
Thank you guys so much for having me. And everybody. Don’t forget, you can find me at the curious girl diaries.com.

Kevin Anthony 56:24
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 56:41
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Thanks for listening. And remember,

Céline Remy 56:57
you’re amazing