The Biggest Mistakes Men Make When Trying To Attract Women

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin, Anthony, and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 178. And it is titled The biggest mistakes men make when trying to attract women. Okay, a couple of things, we got a little housekeeping right from the start here.

Kevin Anthony 0:45
This is not about being a pickup artist. Like, let’s just get that out of the way we do not condone people who consider themselves pickup artists and just want to see how many women they can pick up, and how many women they can sleep with. That is not what this is about.

Kevin Anthony 1:02
If this were about that, you would actually get a much different list of stuff, because it would really be all about like, you know, whatever it takes, this is going to be for men who actually really want to attract quality women and relationships. So you know, the guys are like, I can never find the girlfriend or I never seem to choose the right woman.

Céline Remy 1:27
And this always comes out in a few years in the relationship. I’ve dated several women, we all have it we always have issues.

Kevin Anthony 1:35
Right? Exactly. So that’s really what this is about. And you know, ladies, even though this might be about how men can attract women, I would highly suggest you listen to this. Because what I think you’re gonna agree with a lot of what we say is you’d probably be sitting there like doing the bobblehead thing going yes, that’s exactly what I want

Céline Remy 1:54
to send it to all of you, man friends. Right, exactly.

Kevin Anthony 1:57
Send it to your man friends. And you know, what you might also get out of it if you’re a woman is you might not realize that these are things that you actually do want. And by listening to this, you might go oh, you know, I never really thought of it that way. But they’re right. That is actually what I would want a man to do. Right? So it might actually help the ladies on the dating scene as well.

Céline Remy 2:23
All right, well, I’m excited about today’s show. But before we dive into our subject, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 2:41
Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com. Alright, so we have actually a lot of mistakes. And by the way, I kind of want to say out front, like, don’t get all worried like we I think we have like 13 of them. The idea we’re not like pointing a finger or saying like, are we doing all of these things wrong is for you to know, like, Hey, how can you change things for the better? Yeah, I

Kevin Anthony 3:12
know this is you have to realize, like, we just have to say this, right? If we want anybody to actually hear this show, we have to come up with creative titles that get people like, oh, yeah, I want to know what that is. Right? This is just This is how you do anything across social media and how you get noticed today, marketing is called marketing, right? So don’t get hung up on Oh, sure.

Kevin Anthony 3:38
It’s always the guy’s fault, right? Cuz this is these are sometimes the feedback that we get on YouTube and such where, oh, yeah, you’re always blaming the guys, it’s always the guys. You know, look, it’s not about that. What we’re really trying to do here is help you do the right things. And

Céline Remy 3:57
there will be a part two at some point for the women. Let’s talk first about some of the mistakes. Number one, they go to the wrong places. So if you’re wanting to track a certain type of woman, you need to go where she hangs out. And that’s where you don’t want to go like where, where there are women that you wouldn’t want to date?

Kevin Anthony 4:19
Well, here’s a here’s how this shows up a lot. Right? Like, I can make up numerous examples. But how about a guy who’s like really outdoorsy, you know, like he’s totally into doing sports and things outdoors. And then you know, he goes to like a fancy nightclub to try to pick up women.

Kevin Anthony 4:37
And then he, later on, they’re like six months down a year down in the relationship and he’s like, she never wants to go camping with me. She never you know, like ladies who like to go to clubs. I know that there are women who like to go to clubs who still love to do outdoorsy things. It’s just an example.

Kevin Anthony 4:55
But the point is, is that if you want to find somebody that likes to do the same things you do has similar interests to you, then go do those things that you’re interested in and find the people who are doing those same things.

Kevin Anthony 5:09
If you go someplace to try to specifically to try to meet somebody, and it’s not the sort of place that you would ever really be, or that’s not really your personality, then what are the chances are that you’re going to find somebody that is compatible with you?

Céline Remy 5:24
Well, then you want to think about age groups. And maybe also I don’t know if the term class is the right word. But you know, if you’re looking for so now

Kevin Anthony 5:33
you’re offensive. I know. That’s the dirty word. You realize in Western society, we do not admit there’s a class structure, even though there very clearly is there clearly

Céline Remy 5:43
is and so you got to be aware of that, depending on who you want to be with. And so sometimes it’s easier to go to different places. That’s not exactly who you are, because it’s easier to get the girl right. But it doesn’t make for long-term relationships.

Céline Remy 5:59
So by the way, all of these that we are sharing today are to help you to have a long-term relationship. It’s not just to have like a one-time fling, because I think it’s easier to just have a one-time playing, at least for many people, maybe not for you. But

Kevin Anthony 6:13
for Yeah, that’s why I said at the beginning of the show if we were doing this for pickup artists would be a very different list. Because you may care about long-term compatibility, but here you do.

Céline Remy 6:23
Number two, they pretend to be someone that other than they are. This is huge.

Kevin Anthony 6:29
That’s why it’s at the beginning of the list. Because we couldn’t go we couldn’t go too quickly by this rule, if we ran out of time in the end. The biggest mistake and ladies do this too. By the way, this is not just men, so many people in the dating world do this, which is there on their absolute best behavior, they do things that they wouldn’t normally do.

Kevin Anthony 6:52
Three years into the relationship, like, you know, like a lot of guys like, oh, I’m on the first date, I’m going to impress her show or what a chivalrous man, I am going to open the door for her, you know? And then like six months later, she’s like, where’s the dude who used to open the door? I really liked that what happened to him? Right? Well, because it wasn’t him. It was him pretending

Céline Remy 7:12
but if you’re a guy who burps a lot of farts a lot, and then at first you hold it back, and then you rip it all out it’s a true story. It has happened.

Kevin Anthony 7:20
So yeah, it

Céline Remy 7:21
may not be who she wants to be with. She’d be like, oh, I’m stuck with that. Had I known that from the beginning, I may not have gotten in that relationship,

Kevin Anthony 7:28
personally. Okay, like, just this is so funny. But like, I would never recommend to any guy that like on a first date, you just rip one. But I will say this, it is important to be yourself. So if it’s important for you to be able to just rip one that Yeah, go for it. Go for it.

Céline Remy 7:51
He didn’t know where you’re going that today

Kevin Anthony 7:52
I really didn’t. But just to finish that point, because it’s so big, I don’t want to laugh it off. But the reality is, is you have to be who you are, there’s a couple more on this list that is somewhat related to that. So we’ll get a little deeper into that as we get deeper into the list.

Kevin Anthony 8:12
But just keep in mind, if she is attracted to you, or falls in love with you. Because of somebody, you’re pretending to be, it’s never going to work out well in the long run, because you’re never going to be able to keep it up eventually you’re going to revert back to who you really are. And she’s not gonna like it.

Céline Remy 8:30
And you know, being exactly who you are is a lot to do with being upfront with your thoughts and ideas and not holding things back because you’re afraid of not being liked. So it’s not just about like, oh, the behaviors but also just about your ideas.

Kevin Anthony 8:44
What a perfect segue into number three. Which the first half? No, but the second half? Yes. Number three is they try to be the nice guy and they try hard to be liked. So they’re similar yet different. So let’s tackle the first half. They try too hard to be the nice guy. Okay, now Selena, I’m gonna put you on the spot. Do women generally find the nice guy sexually attractive?

Céline Remy 9:13
Most of the time now, they will find him adorable or like my best friend on like super grade, but it’s not somebody that they will want to have sex with.

Kevin Anthony 9:26
Okay, so you’re on a first date, or maybe you haven’t even gotten the first date yet. You’re literally just trying to attract her wherever you are and get her to have a first date with you. She’s not going to do that if she thinks you’re like friend zone material or if she does say yes to like getting a cup of coffee at Starbucks or something like that. You’re going to find out that it’s totally platonic and be very disappointed.

Céline Remy 9:50
Yeah, the thing that’s interesting is about the balance because while there are women who are attracted to the bad boy and all of that, ultimately we do want to have a nice But a nice man is somebody who will treat us right. But not who’s like a. How do you say that when you want to feed off, you know? Thank you.

Kevin Anthony 10:14
Again, right? So you want to be nice? Like you don’t want to be an ass, right? Correct. But you don’t want to be that super soft, wishy-washy Nice Guy bending over backward because you don’t want to offend. This brings us to the second half of this one, which is they try too hard to be liked. You know this is maybe not true of all women.

Kevin Anthony 10:34
But I think it’s true of most women. They are fantastic. Bullshit detectors. Yes, true. They really are. And if you are trying too hard to be liked, they will know it. And here’s the thing they won’t respect you is Am I correct on that? Absolutely. They’re not going to respect you if they think that you’re just desperately trying to be liked.

Céline Remy 10:57
Now, which leads us to mistake number four, which is about suppressing your sexuality, because I think its kind of like all goes hand in hand. So there’s the nice guy, and then there’s, well, I’m going to repress my sexuality because I do not want to be a sexual predator.

Céline Remy 11:14
But the problem with that is, if you don’t show up being a sexual being, from the start, you most likely going to end in the friend zone category. And it’s very difficult to move away from the friend’s zone category to become a lover or something else.

Kevin Anthony 11:33
We have a perfect example. This just happened with a friend of ours recently. She’s been back in the dating scene again, and she met this guy and this guy is He’s good-looking. He’s athletic. He’s actually quite wealthy. He’s got a lot going on in his life. And they went on multiple dates. And there was like, literally, zero move for him whatsoever.

Kevin Anthony 11:58
And, you know, a lot of times, right women, you don’t like it so much when the guy comes on to you like right away and starts, you know, sort of propositioning you and stuff like that. That’s Mistake number five, right? Well, we’ll get to that in a minute. But, but what you do like is after you’ve had a few dates, and you’re starting to see that there’s some potential here, you’re like, Okay, now, why isn’t he hitting on me? Why isn’t he trying at least a little bit? Right? Yes, yes. I

Céline Remy 12:28
mean, I’m nodding. Yes. So

Kevin Anthony 12:31
not everybody is watching on YouTube. That is correct.

Céline Remy 12:34
You know, what’s interesting about that is it’s such a delicate balance again, but I do think that it’s important to be a sexual being now you don’t have to pour it on the embarrassing. But to just have that little zing and energy that spark from the start is important. Because

Kevin Anthony 12:51
you want to create that spark, you want to create that attraction, that polarity, and let’s face it, women want to be wanted. And that’s true. We do you want to be wanted, even if you don’t necessarily want to give it you will at least want to be wanted, right? Like you want to know that there was another piece to this suppressing this Shut up.

Kevin Anthony 13:16
Yes, just came back to me. Here’s another problem with suppressing your sexuality, which is that if you are a sexual being, and sex is an important part of our relationship to you, and for many it is, I mean, it is for both of us. I know it’s not for everybody. So if it’s not your thing, that’s fine. But for a lot of people, it is and the problem is, is if you suppress it too much, and you come across as not really being very sexual.

Kevin Anthony 13:40
Let’s say that that person that you are courting is the type who isn’t very sexual. They’re gonna go this is great. This is a perfect match. Like, he’s totally not pressuring me for any kind of anything. Like, this is perfect, this is what I need. Then you get into a relationship and then later on down the road, you’re kind of like, okay, this is getting ridiculous now like, when is the sex gonna happen? Right?

Kevin Anthony 14:01
And then you start you know, being more of your normal sexual self. And then she’s like, I don’t understand what’s wrong with you, all you ever want to sex Don’t you love me for who I am and bla bla bla bla bla, right, you see how this creates problems down the road.

Céline Remy 14:15
Now let’s talk about the other side of this, which is to be too overtly sexual to start with. And I know it can be tricky because you know, you don’t want to suppress your sexuality, but you also don’t want to be on the opposite side where you’re overly sexual from the start.

Céline Remy 14:32
And as much as we love to be desired to be as a sexual object, there is a fine line and usually, we do need to have some type of connection first with the person before we feel flattered by that. If we are only seen as a piece of meat from day one. It’s usually not what we want. It might be what we want to for like a one-night stand or something like this, but usually not for a long-term relationship.

Kevin Anthony 14:59
Yeah, no Right now the guys are rolling their heads off. These women are so difficult. It’s not really that difficult. Really, it’s just yourself. Don’t try too hard. But try.

Céline Remy 15:13
That’s the key to trying it another climate is really challenging for a lot of men nowadays, because there’s always a fear of being called a predator or being like put as like, an abuser, and you’re like, I don’t want to offend her. And I find the dating scene to be challenging.

Céline Remy 15:32
And it’s, it’s, it’s challenging both for men and women because they don’t really have clear roles anymore. And to be truly honest, as much as women love and want to be independent, they still do want to be chaste. They still want that to happen most of the time. And so you got to find that perfect balance there.

Kevin Anthony 15:51
It’s an interesting contradiction.

Céline Remy 15:55
So true. Let’s, let’s move on to question two mistake number six because I think it’s a very important one to talk about. And it’s if you focus too much on getting to know your questions. So when it comes to asking questions to women, you know, like, I’ll be very honest, if you like, keep asking me.

Céline Remy 16:18
So what is this about you and this and that like and try to make a connection or a conversation happened by asking all these questions, I will absolutely shut down like I will not enjoy it. Now, not every woman is like this. But again, we’re giving you these guidelines.

Kevin Anthony 16:38
Don’t really want to be interrogated, but I get it from the man’s point of view. It’s like it’s somebody new, you don’t really know a lot about them yet. And so you’re, you’re trying to avoid awkward silences.

Céline Remy 16:48
Let me tell you what you should say instead of asking all the questions, I’m like, Oh, that was still in the middle of my thoughts. Let me finish that because I’m about to give you a jam here. So rather than just like, what do you do? What’s this? What’s that? Like? You let her talk a little bit? And when she mentioned something like, Well, I don’t know, like and had lunch with my girlfriends? Like, tell me more. Tell me more as an open-ended question where she gets to explore more? Or how does that make you feel?

Kevin Anthony 17:27
That’s a great one to ask a woman. Yes.

Céline Remy 17:29
You just opened the door to feelings and connection and her to be able to talk about exactly what she wants him to tell me more, it means you are interested in what you want her to talk about, which we all really want. We want to be able to just be like, Chatty Cathy. And at the same time, how does that make you feel?

Céline Remy 17:48
Also, brings that connection to the emotion? So these would be the better questions because it also requires you to listen, you don’t just go so how does that make you feel? Like it has to be coming from the discussion. You know, like, it could be like I had,

Kevin Anthony 18:05
I can see it. Now. He’s got the questions like written, written in the palm of his hand, and she’s speaking and he’s like, how does that make you feel? Looking at his hand? So how does that make you feel? No, it’s got to be timed appropriately. Absolutely. But you’re absolutely right, which is that? It’s much more personal, and it creates much more connection. If the questions are more genuine, you know.

Kevin Anthony 18:32
So what is it? So tell me about your job? I mean, not that you can’t ask those questions. Because you know, what somebody does for a living does tell you something about their personality and all but you know, go deeper than that, and ask follow-up questions and be curious about who she is.

Kevin Anthony 18:48
But don’t get too caught up in basically the list of questions, the standard list of questions that you probably ask every single woman on every date that you go on.

Céline Remy 18:59
That’s good. All right. Mistake number seven, you display too much nervousness and insecurity around women. There’s only so good, here’s a fake. Why do we see a guy who looks frail, because the insecurity and the nervousness make you weak?

Céline Remy 19:17
Oh, we want to smash you. Remember, like, let me show you how strong pathetic. I know it sounds terrible. But there is a part of us like if we basically don’t want to date a man who’s weaker than us. That’s just the bottom line.

Kevin Anthony 19:34
Yeah. Well, we’ll talk more about testing at the end of the list. But yeah, basically what you’re doing is you want to know if he can handle you and any situations that might arise. I mean, all of this stuff when you’re dating, you’re trying to meet people. It’s all kind of just sussing out like, Okay, what is it that I’m looking for?

Kevin Anthony 19:59
I’m looking for just Sex one nightstand? Am I looking for just a little fun dating? Am I looking for a relationship? Each one of those has a different level of criteria that you have to meet. And all of this stuff is assessing whether or not those criteria can be met through this particular connection. So yeah, you want to know those things.

Céline Remy 20:18
And you know, it’s fine to be a little bit nervous because everybody is bonafide

Kevin Anthony 20:23
show up. Right? So it’s, it’s a do show and you’re like, your voice is a little shaky, and you’re like, you’re tripping on your words. Are you shaking a little? Are you afraid to ask for things like? It? Is it okay? If we go here? Like, no, no, no, of course, you’re gonna be nervous, especially if she’s really high, you’re really attracted to her, you’re like, Oh, yeah.

Kevin Anthony 20:49
And it’s okay to be nervous. Just don’t show it. You know, it’s just like any other, you know, sort of high-stress situation, I think about if you’re in the boardroom, right. You’re in the boardroom, and you’re, I don’t know, you’re having a meeting with investors, or, or with another company, you’re going to do some sort of joint venture with, do you show up like a wishy-washy, like, you know, of course, they’re gonna walk all over you, your company, and you are going to get completely screwed, right?

Kevin Anthony 21:19
But at the same time, are you nervous about it? Of course, you are. Because you know, that deal is probably going to be worth a million dollars or more to you, right? So yeah, you’re nervous, you want to make it happen, but you don’t show it to them. Same thing here.

Céline Remy 21:33
Powerful stuff, I want to do a small break here to invite you, all of you listening. You know, both Kevin and I offer coaching, we coach both separately, and we also coach together. So if you have found that person, and you’re a committed couple and your relationship, and it’s no longer fun, or you’re missing the part of that sexuality, or you want to get back to feeling closer again, these are all things that we can help you with, we have an amazing program.

Céline Remy 22:02
And if you give us 90 days, we can help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion. So to know more about our couples coaching program, go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion

Céline Remy 22:19
And if you’re not yet in a relationship, and you’re a single guy, and you want to get to some help to just raise the level the bar of who you are as a man, and who you attract, you can work with Kevin or me one on one, and we can help you get there. And Kevin is really, really good at that. So go to Celine remy.com, you’ll find everything to work with us there.

Kevin Anthony 22:43
Absolutely. While we do teach a lot of the same things, we each have our own styles, and whoever you resonate with the most is who you should work with. And I’m telling you, the New Year is always the time to finally do those things that you constantly say that you’re going to do.

Kevin Anthony 22:59
And then you don’t do so if you want to get your romantic life, your relationships, your sex life, back in gear where they’re supposed to be, there is no time. Like right now. Alright, mistake

Céline Remy 23:13
number eight, they stay within their comfort zone talking to women. Oh,

Kevin Anthony 23:18
this is a good one. So, you know, like with most of these lists, and I say this every time we have like a long list, but you know, a lot of times we sit down and we write our list of things that we think and then we go out and we research we go what do other people say? And then you know, a lot of times we’re like, okay, we already got that on the list.

Kevin Anthony 23:36
Or sometimes they’re like, Oh, that’s interesting, hadn’t thought about that one. This one came from doing some research, and I really liked it. And that’s why I wanted to put it on the list. So what do we mean by staying within their comfort zone? Well, here’s the thing. It’s somewhat related to not being yourself, but you can still be yourself, but stay in the comfortable part of yourself. Right?

Kevin Anthony 24:01
So let’s say that you’re having a conversation and something comes up that has to do with whatever the political winds are, you know, talking about at that particular time, well, you don’t want to offend this person, or maybe have her be turned off. So you will completely avoid it and just stick to the topics of conversation that you feel very comfortable with.

Kevin Anthony 24:28
There are several problems with that. The first one is, is look, if she’s gonna have massively different political views for from you, then you want to know that right away, like, don’t, don’t let that get in the way. And that’s just one example. It could be anything that could be about money.

Kevin Anthony 24:42
It could be about all kinds of things that tend to be divisive like you want to get that stuff out right upfront so that you don’t have any sort of problems down the road. But here’s the bigger one that I see. And you can tell me something if you think I’m right on with this one. women like men who take risks, especially calculated risks, not necessarily foolhardy risks, but like, it might be a risk to bring up a particular topic.

Kevin Anthony 25:15
But if it’s something you really believe in, and you have good reasons for that belief, even if they don’t agree with you, they will at least respect you for bringing it up for having a valid reason for it, and for being open to discussion about it.

Céline Remy 25:33
Absolutely, absolutely. And, you know, being the boring guy is not going to lead you anywhere. And I think taking a chance and a risk of exposing yourself, well, I will, basically from the start, set the tone, don’t take it personally, if she doesn’t like you like that personality.

Céline Remy 25:54
But I think you’re going to have a much better quality relationship if you are yourself from the start and willing to take that risk to this chance to talk about the uncomfortable things to do the uncomfortable things and just step out,

Kevin Anthony 26:08
most women like a man who is bold absolutely go out and get what he wants. Yeah, and that doesn’t mean doing it in an asshole way or taking way. But she just wants to know that like, there’s a spark there, there’s a fire, there’s a drive, right. And when you stay too much in the comfort zone, it’s just like, same old, same old, boring,

Céline Remy 26:30
Stephen saying that going to bring sparks in the long-term relationship, that’s for sure. I’m gonna move on to mistake number nine and kind of like good, move a bit quicker for a few things. Mistake number one is by thinking that he can buy her attraction of or love. And I think everyone who has any degree of wealth is very familiar with that.

Céline Remy 26:52
Because, in a sense, wealth attracts so people will want you but you never know, do they want you or do they want your money. But you can also when you have a lot of wealth, be like I can get anything I want if I pay high enough. And the thing is, yeah, you can get anything you want. But you can never get true love. You can never get that genuine, authentic things.

Céline Remy 27:14
And there are people who are totally attracted to money. And that’s kind of one of those jokes like, what do you need to attract a woman a big fat wallet or a big deck, right? And then the thing is, I kind of want to say that this is not true. Like we should stop making those stupid jokes. It’s kind of the jokes about the blondes, like come on.

Céline Remy 27:33
Not every blonde is stupid. And not every woman is just utterly fascinated with money, we want some more because guess what a lot of us women are making our own money. And a lot of women are actually earning more than their men counterparts. So we really don’t need you the same when it comes to money as we did before.

Céline Remy 27:52
So if you approach it from like, I can buy anything I want, especially her attraction or love, you could buy her attraction probably but her love, you can never buy it.

Kevin Anthony 28:00
Yeah, that’s a big one. So you know, it’s okay to buy her things and all but don’t expect it, that’s all that you need. You’re still gonna need all the other things that we’ve talked about. I mean, if you want to have a real relationship, like a relationship with depth or a relationship with true love, I mean, you can have a superficial relationship that way, but

Céline Remy 28:22
anyone can have that. Mistake number 10. Thinking that dress kissing her or seducing her is wrong. And this is kind of fascinating, and it kind of ties in a little bit with the holding back where your sexuality mistake. But I think it’s such a good one because some people are conflicted right now. It’s like, is it manipulative? If I want to seduce this person or attract this person?

Kevin Anthony 28:49
Do you know what some of the V? Like most selling? I shouldn’t say one of the most selling genres in books is Romance. Romance. But what is every romance novel, every romance novel? is they’re mostly written for women.

Kevin Anthony 29:11
And they are a guy seducing a woman over and over and over again with various different you know, details, but that’s basically what they are was so lame sometimes. But why do they sell so much is the question and the answer to that is because women want to be seduced.

Céline Remy 29:29
So kick that idea that it’s wrong because it’s definitely one of the mistakes. It’s

Kevin Anthony 29:34
not the seduction. That’s the problem. It’s the intent behind the symptoms deduction. That is the problem.

Céline Remy 29:42
This is huge of all make sure you heard that, that it is the intent behind whatever you’re doing, whether it’s to seduction or anything else. Like if it’s coming from a place of love, it will end up way better than if it’s coming from a place of fear of manipulation

Kevin Anthony 29:59
right? So so if you’re seducing her, just because you want to get her in bed for one nightstand, and then never talk to her again, or return her text messages or calls or anything like that, that’s a problem. But if you’re seducing her, because you’re genuinely interested in her, and you’re genuinely interested in having a relationship with her, that is completely different.

Kevin Anthony 30:21
And that is a great way to create some attraction and some polarity. Trust me, she wants to be chaste. She wants to be seduced, she just wants it to come from a place of love and genuineness.

Céline Remy 30:34
Alright, mistake number 11. Thinking that you have to have money or looks to get a girl.

Kevin Anthony 30:41
Yeah, this is a good one to this one. There’s another one I picked up from doing some research, which is, you know, does it help to have money and good looks? Of course, it does. But let’s be honest, here, there are no if and or buts about it, if you have money, you know, you’re going to have a nice car, you’re going to have means it’s going to be attractive, if you’re good looking, you know, everyone’s attracted to good looking people.

Kevin Anthony 31:06
But it doesn’t mean that if you don’t have those things, that you cannot meet people, and that you cannot have connections, it doesn’t mean that at all. And the article I was reading where I got this particular one from, had a whole series of photographs of really not particularly attractive men with very attractive women. Some of them were even wedding photos.

Kevin Anthony 31:33
So you can’t just say, Well, sure, they went out on a date once you know, it’s possible because looks are what attract us initially. But they’re not what keeps a relationship together long term. And trust me, you can ask any, you know, famous Hollywood whatever person or they’re all model looking right, and the relationships are a disaster.

Kevin Anthony 31:57
They’re on like wife number six, now, you know, right, and every single one of them was hot, like ridiculously hot, but the relationship didn’t work. Because that’s not what a relationship is about, right. So all that means is that you have to use the gifts that you do have may meet your personality.

Céline Remy 32:16
And you also have to have self-love, because it all comes from the inside. If you accept yourself, just the way you are as you are, other people will do the same. So if you saw hang up on like, oh, I don’t have the looks, or this, there’s something wrong about me, until you come to peace with that part of yourself, you will attract other people who will judge you for having that or not having it.

Céline Remy 32:38
And so that’s when it’s time to do the inner work and the time that you can look in the mirror and not be bothered by who you are and what you see you you’ll find that other people will react the same way to you as you are not doing to yourself,

Kevin Anthony 32:50
you know, and this guy’s you know, we’re so fortunate that we have the advantage that it looks don’t matter as much. It’s, it’s kind of sad, but it’s true. Like, we get a lot more passes in the looks department, you know, like, if we, we have a good personality, and you know, we’ve got something going on in the world, and we’re doing things and making things happen, you know, we might be a little rough around the edges will still love us, right? So,

Céline Remy 33:19
yeah. Alright, let’s move to mistake number 12. If you do whatever she wants, in the hope that it will impress her and makes her like you. This is quite a mistake. Because we don’t, we don’t really want you to do everything we want. As a matter of fact, we don’t like it when you say no to us, but we will respect you.

Céline Remy 33:38
And I think if you don’t have her respect, if she can have you her way with you and always like, manipulate you or do what she wants, she will not be fully attracted. So it’s again, it’s that very important and delicate balance there where you don’t want to take her opinion into consideration.

Céline Remy 33:57
You don’t want to you do want to please her, you do want to make her, you know, impress her and make her happy. But it shouldn’t be the extent of you not being yourself or trying so hard to impress her.

Kevin Anthony 34:10
Right. So that would be like, Okay, you’re talking about going on a date. She’s like, hey, why don’t we go here and do this thing. And it’s like, the thing that you despise the most. And you’re like, Ah, okay, yeah, sure, if you want, we’ll go do that. And then the whole time, you’re freak in miserable.

Kevin Anthony 34:26
Because you don’t even want to be there doing that you either can’t eat the food, you don’t want to be doing whatever it is, you know, she would like it more. If you said, Oh, okay, well, that’s a great idea. However, unfortunately, you know, I can’t eat the food there or I don’t like that particular activity.

Kevin Anthony 34:43
But here’s another idea. How about we do this? And she might say, well, I don’t really like that one. And then she’ll come back and say, how about this and then you go, yeah, you know what? I like that idea. Let’s do it. I’m gonna take you right now.

Céline Remy 34:54
And do you ever think to at least be honest, you could be like, I really don’t like doing this but I’m willing to do this with you because cuz it could be fun, but I don’t like it, at least be really upfront with it, you know, rather than just tag along.

Céline Remy 35:06
Absolutely. I want to talk about our last mistake here because we probably could do an entire show on it, maybe we should, and maybe at one point we will, but it’s all about the woman’s personality. And so if you are being annoyed when women test you, rather than see it as an opportunity to grow, that is a big mistake. And yes, we do test you, we do not do it on purpose,

Kevin Anthony 35:30
except for the audience. What you mean by that,

Céline Remy 35:33
We will be so subtly and not so subtly testing your confidence in something testing how strong your opinion is testing your love for us testing your dedication.

Céline Remy 35:51
And so by doing that, we’ll sometimes like will be like, asking things, or maybe we’ll make a comment or say like, I don’t think you can do this or like, I don’t know, like, Could you really do that? Do you know? So like, we’re trying to help you to show us that you’re this strong being so we doubting who you are, right? Here’s

Kevin Anthony 36:11
what you’re looking for in that situation you’re looking for, does he respond back and say, Well, of course, I can do it. I’ve done it before. I know I can do it. Or even if you’ve never done it before, you’re like, oh, yeah, I know, I can do this. I’m 100%. Sure. Or do you say? Yeah, you’re right. I probably can’t.

Céline Remy 36:29
Oh, that was so bad. When you said that Kevin felt that direction it was down like it was like deflated in two seconds deflated

Kevin Anthony 36:40
your lady voter.

Céline Remy 36:44
was so bad. But it is true. And you know, most women don’t realize that they do that. But we will do some little tests will. Sometimes it will be a little bit annoying. It’s true. I will admit it. But you can’t hold it against us. You just have to be okay with it.

Kevin Anthony 36:59
This is why I wanted women to listen to this, even though we’re talking about men trying to attract women, right? Because how many women raise your hands? Now? How many of you were not aware that you do these subtle little tests to your man all the time?

Kevin Anthony 37:14
Yeah, I know, I know, a lot of hands just went up. And the hands that didn’t go up? Well, some of you were already aware, which is why you didn’t put your hands up but the rest of you are lying. Cuz you know you do.

Céline Remy 37:29
Yeah, I think when they will probably make an entire shown that there is so much more to talk about it, but at least have this idea and hold that as some of the basics when it comes to the mistakes,

Kevin Anthony 37:38
right. So So just to sum that one up a little bit, like from the man’s point of view, is to not get annoyed by that to understand that women testing you is part of who they are. Right? And because they’re that’s their way of sensing whether or not they can trust you and

Céline Remy 37:53
whether or not we’re safe, which really comes down to safety, ultimately, and it’s not always conscious. But yeah, that’s a deep, deep like that, that desire for safety is so strong for us women for sure. Yeah. So let’s talk to wrap this show up a little bit. You know, now that we’ve walked you through all of these different mistakes, and you probably are looking at them, and I’m like yet some of them may do some of them, I don’t, but they give you a good idea.

Céline Remy 38:21
Now, why would you want to try to change these patterns if you find yourself doing some of these mistakes? And really, what it comes down to is when you change the patterns, then you can attract higher quality women if you always have issues, and you’re like, Well, I don’t know why. But women always do that.

Céline Remy 38:41
The one common denominator is you while they might still be doing that is how you react to it. And so it’s important to understand that how you show up will also affect how the other person interacts

Kevin Anthony 38:53
with you know, that’s funny, what you said just reminded me, I was sort of self-coaching a friend the other day, you know, who was having some troubles. And one of the comments he made was that you know, he’s had a bunch of relationships that all had this similar thing.

Kevin Anthony 39:09
So I just, you know, as a bro, I got to be like, okay, dude, if all your relationships tend to have the same problem, what’s the common denominator? It’s you. Really, it’s you.

Céline Remy 39:23
If you find yourself in this place, and you want to make some of the changes, how do you go about that? And I’ve got a little formula here that I wanted to share with you. Number one, you have to know yourself and nobody from the outside is going to give you the answers.

Céline Remy 39:38
You have to find them from within. And trust me, we love a man who really knows himself, who knows and says, This is what I can do. And this is what I will not do it. I’m the king of my kingdom. This is what we do in this kingdom. If you want to join in great if you don’t want to find somebody else who wants to you.

Céline Remy 40:00
If it’s really hot, number two, you got to learn to be comfortable being alone because too many people go from one relationship to another and feel so empty within and uncomfortable alone and trying to feel that whole with somebody else, which never works.

Kevin Anthony 40:16
Well. Not only that, but we’re talking about attracting women here, right?

Céline Remy 40:20
feel lonely and align you so need

Kevin Anthony 40:24
our women spectacular bullshit detectors. They are even better neediness detectors, and if they detect that you are in that needy place they are you running for the hills?

Céline Remy 40:35
Absolutely. Here’s what you want to do you want to start to get clear on the type of woman that you want to date. And then you want to look at what kind of man would this particular woman want to be with? And you want to look at how different is that men from who I am?

Kevin Anthony 40:54
Be honest, the honest gotta be honest here.

Céline Remy 40:57
This is huge. We do that in our private coaching with clients too. And it’s definitely a question that stirs up a lot of things. So

Kevin Anthony 41:04
when you’re looking at a supermodel and you’re like, What kind of man? Would she date which you date James Bond? Or would she date Mr. Bean? James Bond. Sure, if you don’t know who either of those is, you’re probably really young.

Céline Remy 41:20
Now, the last step after that is, once you’ve become clear about, you know, who you want the kind of woman who the kind of man you want to be, basically, you’re not going to change everything in one day. And what you need to do is every time you take an action, is to ask yourself, Am I taking this? Am I getting closer to the person I want to be? Or am I remaining in my comfort zone in who I truly am?

Céline Remy 41:48
And the expansion will feel uncomfortable, any expansion and stepping out of your comfort zone will be a little not so good. And a client of mine at some point was like, Yeah, but I don’t like doing it because it’s like, it’s just doesn’t feel as comfortable or like, it doesn’t feel as easy. And I was like, well, that’s the point. If it just feels easy and comfortable, you’re just doing the same thing.

Céline Remy 42:08
And if you do the same thing, you have the same results, and you’re trying to be the same type of woman. So you want to be able to take steps out of your comfort zone and you want to ask yourself like, am I taking that step in towards the direction of that new person I want to become? Or is it taking me away, and then you can make a decision on which direction you want to go.

Céline Remy 42:27
And ideally, you want to take as many steps as possible every day towards the person you want to be. I managed to do it. We thought we’re sneezing at the end. job for my nose was like, totally like, you know, like itchy. I was like, Can I make my point? And this was it. Ladies and gentlemen, I just like hit the hammer with that sneeze.

Kevin Anthony 42:55
This show was always real and raw, including bodily functions. All right, well, that I think was a fantastic list. And I think if you could really learn those things, you will have such an easier time attracting women as well as you will attract better quality relationships all around. Alright, everybody, that’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 43:32
We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 43:39
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com

Kevin Anthony 43:53
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 43:55
And remember you’re amazing