Sex Tips Straight Guys Can Learn From Lesbians

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin, Anthony, and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 179. And it’s titled, sex tips straight guys can learn from lesbians. I think this is going to be a fun show. As a guy myself, I can honestly say, for most men, they have some sort of lesbian fantasy, they just do.

Kevin Anthony 0:51
It’s like one of the most common fantasies for straight guys is that they bring this lesbian in with their, with their partner, and you know, so I think that this is going to speak to a lot of men. But here’s the thing, this isn’t really just about addressing their fantasies, because one of the things that men often say, and you’re like, I coach men, so I hear this, like, you know, I’m working with somebody right now.

Kevin Anthony 1:13
And he’s like, you know, I met my, my partner when we were very young. He’s like, I didn’t really know much sexually, and he’s like, I feel like I’m fumbling around and I don’t know what to do. Right. So this is another thing that men say a lot. And so one of the best ways to figure out what women like is to ask women, right, so

Kevin Anthony 1:32
So our guest today who’s going to help us with this not only is a woman, but she also is a lesbian, which means she knows how to pleasure a woman so you are going to get advice, probably about the best advice that you can get. I think we’ll see what she says when she comes on.

Céline Remy 1:51
So before we introduce today’s guest, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. If you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skill.

Céline Remy 2:12
There is something for you at power and mastery.com. So go check it out.

Céline Remy 2:17
Today’s guest is Genevieve she is our go-to erotic leader. She’s a former professional dominatrix. She’s also a certified erotic blueprint, Master Trainer, and accelerated evolution coach. She has a magnet comm lab, an undergraduate degree in psychology with a master’s in education, who are gonna take a little breath here, there was a lot to unpack.

Céline Remy 2:40
And when she’s not turning someone on to the fullness of their pleasure, she is playing with her five-year-old son’s rock garden or making love to her incredible partners Sabrina in New York City where she resides. So welcome, Genevieve.

Genevieve Pleasure 2:54
Thank you so much. I’m thrilled to be here. I can tell it’s gonna be a lot of fun already.

Kevin Anthony 3:02
Okay, so we have one or two somewhat silly questions to start, and then we’ll dive into the deeper stuff. So so the first question is, I kind of alluded to this in the intro, but the first question is, why do you think most men are so obsessed with lesbians and how they have sex?

Genevieve Pleasure 3:23
I love that question. I think it’s, I think it’s because men actually want to please women, like there’s a deep desire to have a woman, you know, on her back in full arousal. I mean, there’s nothing like that when you’re, when you’re sitting there giving oral sex to a woman that you love. And they’re just writhing in pleasure. It’s like the entire world stops.

Genevieve Pleasure 3:47
So of course, of course, that’s what they want, because it feels amazing. And then there’s this question of like, well, how do I do that? I can do that for myself. But how do I do that for this beautiful person in front of me? So I think it really comes from a place of deep love, like really just wanting to have that experience. It’s It’s mesmerizing. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 4:10
it is. I completely agree with that. I was actually saying, so. So last night, Selena and I were making love and we had a wonderful experience. And she had a couple of really great orgasms. And so this morning, we were on our usual morning walk. And we were kind of talking about it. And I said, I said There literally is nothing more amazing in this world than watching a woman in like, for orgasm, not holding back. Just that space that she gets into is so powerful and so magical. So yeah, I agree with you.

Céline Remy 4:44
Like do you think that the way lesbians approach sex with each other could translate into good heterosexual sex as well?

Genevieve Pleasure 4:52
Yeah, well, the first thing that I think people miss out on and hetero couples are that lesbian sex doesn’t stop. Right? So because there isn’t this peak climactic endpoint, you just keep going. So sometimes our sex is five seconds. And sometimes it’s five hours. And it just keeps going, going and going.

Genevieve Pleasure 5:15
And I don’t think traditionally men have been taught how to do that, and how to create that cycle where you’re just going. So I think that’s the biggest to me. That’s the biggest thing that’s like, Wait, doesn’t everyone want that? Doesn’t everyone want to have an entire afternoon of sex? Where you can just keep bringing it in? Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 5:33
Yeah. I mean, I would think, yeah, doesn’t everybody want that? I do have to say that we have had some clients, mostly men who don’t last nearly as long as they should who’ve said, Uh, why would I want to do that? But they’re probably not the majority.

Genevieve Pleasure 5:54
Well, there’s a satisfaction then. Right? Like, what I’m looking for is it the reason it lasts so long is that both people are really fully satisfied. So it’s not like you’re trying to get something it’s not like trying to go somewhere like, you’re already really happy. And what I’ve noticed with lesbian sex, good lesbian sex, because sometimes lesbian sex is just like bed death, they call it lesbian bed death.

Kevin Anthony 6:18
I hadn’t heard that term before. Oh, it’s a term that.

Genevieve Pleasure 6:24
But for where I see it actually happening, it’s that both people are so already erotically satisfied with themselves because self-pleasure tends to be celebrated in the lesbian community. Hey, like self-pleasuring next to each other is celebrated self-pleasuring in the house, I don’t care if my partner didn’t dinner, I’ll say, I’m going to go self-pleasure.

Genevieve Pleasure 6:45
And there isn’t this feeling of oh, my gosh, you’re supposed to do something right now. Or it’s just like, it’s a cultural norm. And so you already entered the sexual experience feeling really turned on, and then it can go anywhere, instead of the pressure that I hear for most men, which is like, I need this right now. Right? It’s boiling. And I need this right now. What do I do? Yeah,

Céline Remy 7:07
you know, I believe that in a heterosexual relationship, you can totally have that as well, because that’s what we experienced Kevin and I. And that’s also what we teach when we talk about our constant state of arousal. So I think independently of his sexual orientation, it’s more a state of mind. And it is possible to access that whoever you are same-sex relationship or other sex, like, it doesn’t really matter. It’s really how you approach it.

Céline Remy 7:32
But I think, also from the woman, and I’ve had a little bit of experience with women as well. And I actually thought that it was going to be so awesome. The first time I was going to have sex with a woman. And I was very disappointed because it was a woman who was very masculine. And she was just kind of very much like a guy. And I had thought that it was going to be soft and gentle.

Céline Remy 7:54
We’re going to caress each other. I mean, I had this whole, like, fantasy, and when it really happened, I was kind of like, you know, fingering me are going on. And I was just like, hold on, like, Wait, like, let’s like, I can get that with a dude. Like, let’s do the other stuff that, you know, they don’t want to take time for so I think also depends on the individual because not everybody is going to do it the right way.

Genevieve Pleasure 8:17
Yeah, totally. the queer community is very, there’s heteronormativity within the queer community, where people have to take roles, right. But my partner and I don’t do that we just play. Right. But that’s, I think, a beginner level of sexuality where you think there’s a role we have to play.

Genevieve Pleasure 8:35
And then, and then like, half of the lesbians will be the witches. And were the dildos and the other half. And there’s so much more available to everyone hetero homosexual, and everything in between. Absolutely. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 8:48
All right. So now we got some of that beginning stuff out of the way, right, we understand why this might be important and why they’re there most likely will be some good value for everybody, as we continue on in this. Let’s talk a little bit more about your history. And because obviously, you bring a lot more to the table than just being a lesbian. Having same-sex partner, right. Like, there’s a whole lot more to it. So

Genevieve Pleasure 9:20
thanks for saying that. It’s true.

Kevin Anthony 9:27
Tell us a bit about your sex work journey, your dominatrix experience, sort of how you got into that, and how that’s shaped not only what you do as far as the work that you do, but how that also translates into your own personal life and love maybe.

Genevieve Pleasure 9:43
Yeah, absolutely, you know, I feel like sex workers were always like, we have a calling as sex workers just know they’re meant to be sex workers. We’re like the Mary Magdalene continuation, right. And so I always had this feeling that that’s what I was supposed to be doing in this lifetime. Once I became a legal age, I went on Craigslist. And this was back in the day when Craigslist was poppin. Right? I went right in there.

Genevieve Pleasure 10:07
And there is an ad to be a dominatrix. And my girlfriend at the time was like, 10, you’d be excellent. I mean, I was already like, spanking her. And, I mean, it was crazy like that the kink was really sexy and fun already. Did you just like just, you could make money doing what you already do go do this. And so I thought it was just gonna be like, I don’t know, like what you see in movies, you know, like, I would just show up and start flogging people and call it a day.

Genevieve Pleasure 10:37
And then like, go home, like I don’t, I wasn’t sure. And what I found was that it was so much deeper, I was really, and this really speaks to the place I was working. It was a place called rapture, which unfortunately got shut down by cops because all the nice places often get shut down by cops. But it was a really nice place where we were really supported and really held.

Genevieve Pleasure 10:59
And our manager was amazing. And I actually had intensive training. Like they taught me about the psychology of kink, they taught me about safety, they taught me about corporal punishment, and how to do you know, ties and all of that. And so I went in with this, like advanced knowledge that I think most dominators is didn’t get in, you know, in New York City.

Genevieve Pleasure 11:22
And that gave me this ability to really transform people in the sessions, right, so I’d have men, sometimes five, six men a day, and they would come in these were usually Wall Street men, because of the level of pressure in their jobs, right. And they wanted this relief of like, I don’t have to hold, I don’t want to hold the torch anymore. I’m done. Give it to someone else.

Genevieve Pleasure 11:44
And so I knew the psychology already behind who was coming in. So I knew, Okay, I have to create a safe container for them, I have to create a place where they feel they can let go. What do I need to do? And who do I need to be in order to do that? And I had to find myself I was 18. I had to find myself like, what is it like to ground in my feet?

Genevieve Pleasure 12:03
And to feel really strong in my spine? And to know that I own this place? Even though there’s a grown man in front of me. Can I settle into that? Yeah. And so our sessions became so much more than just the whipping and then right that we had so many fun moments like that. But the psychology behind it was fascinating, fascinating, and see grown men break down in front of me crying while they were orgasming. Right.

Genevieve Pleasure 12:30
And I was like, this is fast. This is amazing. To me, the relief and the freedom that’s allowed are truly incredible. So that sparked the journey. For me that sparked the journey of like, there’s so much transformation available through our sexuality if we can learn to release the shame. This is what these guys were barreled in, right? They’re coming in terrified of being seen. They all use students, right? It was terrifying.

Genevieve Pleasure 12:55
And if I could just love them there and celebrate them and be like you want to dress up in that cute little outfit and do some cross-dressing. And then I can celebrate you and I can put on your makeup and then I can whip you and we can celebrate that like, what if that’s what we do. But if that kinky shirt is awesome. And then I would see his release in his body. I was like, Oh my gosh, he’s not holding anymore.

Genevieve Pleasure 13:17
He’s not tense. He feels relaxed, he feels open. There’s something to this. And so for the last 15 years after that experience, it’s really been about how do I help release shame in the everyday so that sex becomes a constant transformational experience for people. Every moment. It’s really an alchemical tool, right? It’s cool that you can shift anything.

Genevieve Pleasure 13:39
And I think that’s why men love going down on women so much, right? Because they literally see the energy changing before them. At least I do. I noticed a woman kind of shy, nervous, tense, and then all of a sudden she’s rippling through in her orgasmic ecstasy. And I’m like, Whoa, right. That is power. That’s true power. Yeah, that’s it sex does for us sex is available for all of us to have that. Amazing.

Kevin Anthony 14:04
Yeah, I love how you bring that piece in about how sex can be so powerfully transformational because it really can be if that’s your goal, if that’s your intention, if that’s how you want to use that energy, it can absolutely transform your life.

Kevin Anthony 14:19
And I think in our society, we use sex to sell everything that you can think of, you know, we use it for all kinds of things. We, we use it politically to, you know, destroy our opponent. I mean, we use it in every which way that you can think of that’s unhealthy. But let’s refocus. Let’s like shift that and realize that it can be used in healthy ways to

Céline Remy 14:44
one part of the story that I love too, is that you talked about having a calling as a sex worker. And a lot of people have this idea that if you do sex work, you are your drug addict, and you are I don’t know you have a pet When you give all your money to this person, it’s a terrible life.

Céline Remy 15:03
And I know a lot of people who do sex work and being a sex illogical body working myself working with sexuality, there are some common threads even though it is different. So but I’ve been around in some of that community and most of the people that I know, who do sex work are very healthy, very happy. And they’ve chosen that.

Céline Remy 15:21
And I really liked that you mentioned that because I think it’s important for most people to understand that while there are some victims and sex trafficking and all of these adverse sides, I’m not saying it doesn’t exist. But a lot of the women who do choose to go into this line of work, it’s something that they feel a strong calling and desire to experiment with for themselves.

Genevieve Pleasure 15:41
Yeah, absolutely. And that’s even for people that I mean, I was 18 and broke, right? I do have a funny, funny enough history of drug addiction, not during the time that I was a sex worker. But it’s funny, you brought that up. But for me, it wasn’t, it was like, Oh, I could go get all these other jobs available to me. Right. And I knew that because I’ve known so many sex workers at this point.

Genevieve Pleasure 16:02
Sometimes it is people that are marginalized and right. But there’s an empowerment that happens when you step into it. And when I think the key here is that the place that I worked with setup in a way that we were empowered, right, and they believed in the decriminalization of sex work, and they believe that we, you know, we were truly transformational beings, like they were proud of us.

Genevieve Pleasure 16:23
Whereas in other places I had worked, it was as black, it was dirty. It was grungy, it was what you think of right? And so it’s really about, what’s the mindset? Is this work transformational? Can it be always transformational? And, and to me, it’s really freedom. We’re giving people so much freedom in that work. I love that you brought that up. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 16:43
All right. So let’s shift gears, again, a little bit here. Because our topic is really about, you know, what can men learn about pleasing their woman? Right, so let’s see, it’s kind of what we alluded to in the title. So we talked about all that stuff, because we wanted to get a feel for your backgrounds, and you know, you know, basically what your personal experiences.

Kevin Anthony 17:09
What your job experience is that kind of stuff that is formed your opinions and the methods that you use. And so now we’re going to talk a little bit about what those actually are. So from that experience that you’ve had, when it comes to, say, men and sexuality, what’s the biggest lesson that you’ve learned, like, the biggest aha moment that you had? From all of that? Yeah,

Genevieve Pleasure 17:35
I, honestly, that there’s not that much of a difference between men and women. I guess. So. And this is like a bit edgy because people don’t like this, right, because we’ve got all these schools of masculine feminine stuff, which I think is beautiful and amazing. But when I’ve, at this point, seen hundreds of people in their erotic pleasure. And when they’re truly at that place of eroticism, and surrender, it’s the same, it looks exactly the same.

Genevieve Pleasure 18:04
The difference is how we get there. Right? The difference is how we get there. And then some people have roles of how they want to get there. So men tend to be in the more dominant initiatory role. But when I was dominatrix that was my role. Right? So it’s interesting how easy it is to flip and be like, wait a second, I can take home whatever role I want, I’m not stuck in this way.

Genevieve Pleasure 18:28
I could be the one more surrendered, even if I’m a man if that’s what feels true in the moment. And it’s way more about being authentic with your pleasure, man, it is about this performative sexuality that so many of us are taught. And I think our culture teaches us as well. We have to show up a certain way. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 18:46
Yeah, that that’s interesting. I agree with you that when people are really truly in that moment, there really isn’t any different. And I like how you made the distinction about how you get there. And I’m wondering if you could explain that a little bit more like, like, what would be a difference between how a woman gets there versus how a man gets there?

Kevin Anthony 19:05
Because this, this would be fascinating for men to understand, because too many men are like, Well, I just do this, and it works for me. So it’s gonna work for her too. Yeah, no, that’s generally not true. So,

Genevieve Pleasure 19:16
yeah, yeah. So, again, working with hundreds of people, I’ve noticed there’s not too much of a difference. But what I have noticed is that the stereotypical person in their masculine right, so what I mean by that is the one who’s going to be initiating more, right, which sometimes is my role in my partnership, and sometimes it’s my partner that depends on the day.

Genevieve Pleasure 19:35
So whoever is in that more masculine young energy, they tend to kind of go for it, right, without their partner necessarily being ready or open. And it becomes a lot of work. Right. It’s a lot of work. And this is something I think the lesbian community really understands, is not to push through that right not to push in barrels. through to get the person open and turned on.

Genevieve Pleasure 20:03
The lesbian community is pretty good at the flirting and the right, but the directness of what they intend and all of that we kind of understands how to do that. And so I think what’s missing is for that dominant role to, to not be afraid to ask. Lesbians do this all day long right to not be afraid to ask, what would you want right now? What you want right now.

Genevieve Pleasure 20:27
And instead, I think what happens is men go, Oh, I got to figure it out on my own, even though the person’s right in front of them, right, I got to show up, is that pure, right? It’s much easier for us to just be like, I don’t know what to do right now. Can you help me? I have no idea. Right? Because we’re not the other person’s body, we don’t know. And so I think, I think that we’re bypassing or we often bypass what the other person needs, because we have this idea again, of what it’s supposed to look like.

Genevieve Pleasure 20:55
And if that, if that can start to calm down. And we can start to get curious instead and question the person and learn their nervous system more, then they’re going to open on their own, and it won’t be as hard. It’s much more challenging when the person is stressed out. Like for me, after a long day at work is gonna be a lot of work, you’re gonna have to like, give me a massage, make sure the setup is all right.

Genevieve Pleasure 21:21
Like the way you have sex with me better be strong, like No, right? Because I’ve been in work mode all day long. I’m the CEO, right? And so it’s hard work. So it’s much easier. If you instead ask, what do you need right now, and I’ll go, oh, I need a foot massage. I need a massage right here. I need you to set this. And then I’m ready. And I’m open already. And you’re not second-guessing. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 21:45
All right. But you just got three important tips there. Number one, don’t just push through and try to force it to happen. Number two, don’t be afraid to ask what she needs at the moment. And number three does stuff like this is something I coach men on all the time, and they need it. Like we think they should know this, and many of them don’t, which is what you just said towards the end there.

Kevin Anthony 22:12
Which is like, hey, at the end of the day, here’s what you’re going to need. Give me a massage, like set the scene, right? Like, make it comfortable for me make it warm, you know, whatever. These are, these are basic things that we think everybody should know. But a lot of guys don’t. And they just dip right over that. And they’re just like, Alright, let’s go, right.

Genevieve Pleasure 22:31
Absolutely, absolutely. And it’s, and sometimes what I want is for you to just, like, like, flip me over and fuck me, right? Sometimes I’m really, and I think that’s a misconception is that women always want the candles in the bathtub. And that’s not true. Like, sometimes they’re, like, ready, and they’re kind of annoyed that you’re like trying to figure out what to do. Right?

Genevieve Pleasure 22:51
So the best thing to do is to ask, what mood are you in right now? I want to connect with you sexually? How can I show up with you? They’re like, what do I how can we do that? And so I in my bedroom, we have tons of games, we do lots of communication exercises, like, it’s just so we keep allowing ourselves to be in the moment. Right? And, and as be, it’s more playful, it’s more playful.

Kevin Anthony 23:17
Alright guys, guys who are listening, right? Did you hear what she just said? Right? Alright, cuz I know a few of you are listening to this rolling your eyes. I kind of think of games now. I gotta like but listen to what she said. They have games, they do stuff, right? This is the kind of stuff that women actually want.

Kevin Anthony 23:36
So if you’re a guy, and you’re listening to this, and you’re trying to pick up tips, really pay attention to these little things, I should just kind of drop that in there. But I’m making a point to reinforce that because it is something that women want. In general, you know, we’re generalizing, of course. But these are valid tips.

Céline Remy 23:53
And I think that part also about us being ever-changing, just because yesterday, something worked and we wanted that doesn’t mean we wanted the next day or even then the next hour. And I make that understanding that we’re cyclical. I see that all the time. Like sometimes in our cycle, we mourn that dominant phase and like I’m going to be on top I’m going to do all the work, and then at another time we’re like.

Céline Remy 24:15
Just do me I lay down here and advertise it’s like helped me get out of my head and I can’t feel my body overtimes like Oh, I’m so responsive. All I need is this like it’s, it’s once you understand that and also I think as women really own it, where there’s nothing wrong with you that you’re going to want different things at different times and that you can embrace all of the different facets and personalities and they can all show up in the bedroom and I think which is kind of fun too if you are in a monogamous relationship because then you kind of have like multiple partners

Genevieve Pleasure 24:47
yeah. I mean I’m so my partner and I right like we literally I feel like there’s like seven people just between the I was polyamorous and now I’m like I don’t even need I’m good. Like I don’t every single day is completely different. I’m with a different body, right? Because I’m really attuned to like, wow, who is this today?

Genevieve Pleasure 25:08
What kind of we’re gonna do kinky sex today? Well, yesterday, we were having really romantic sex. I’m very confused, right, but I’m gonna let it it’s great again, you can really get all the flavors and when you can celebrate that, I love that. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 25:21
Jokes of man, right? Like men are all like, oh, I want to have all these different women cuz I want variety and blah, blah, blah, then they don’t even notice the variety that they have constantly in front of them every day.

Genevieve Pleasure 25:33
Every day all the time. Oh, my gosh, so good. Yeah, yeah, I think this the steps would be really supportive here the orgasmic arc steps because

Kevin Anthony 25:43
perfect. That’s your next question. Celine was going? Oh, great.

Genevieve Pleasure 25:47
Okay, go ahead, shoot it, give it to me.

Céline Remy 25:51
I felt like it was a perfect segue to dive into this method that you created that you call the orgasmic arc. So tell us more about those steps.

Genevieve Pleasure 26:01
Yeah. So I realized over the years, right, I’ve been, I work with couples have been working with couples forever. And I work with top high-level CEOs. So we’re talking like CEOs of huge, huge, huge, huge companies. And they’re busy, right? And so they come to me, they’re like making me a sex master.

Genevieve Pleasure 26:18
But I can’t like to take them for a week, right? I can’t take them for a week and like, just have them take off work. And it doesn’t work like that. And so I was like, I need to come up with a really easy six-step process that they can think of in their head when they’re seducing their partner. Right. And then, and then they could just use that. And I can tell like, the results have been incredible. These guys, thank you.

Genevieve Pleasure 26:42
And even for her like, it’s been really because she’s like, oh, I never really realized what was happening in my body. And now I’m really tracking it. Yeah. So six steps. And it’s called the orgasmic arc, because the purpose is to bring you both of you together, or if you’re giving only then bring your partner into orgasm, right. And so the first step, this is the one that I was talking about before, this is a bypassed step, the first step is safety.

Genevieve Pleasure 27:10
And we missed this one a lot. And I think I really learned this as a pro-Dom, right, I really learned this when I was a dominatrix, because I was like, I can’t just start beating someone up, I need to first ground, make sure they feel comfortable, make sure they’re okay. Like, this is a big experience that’s going to happen and the safer that I can be in my body, the bigger transformational sexual experience they’re gonna have.

Genevieve Pleasure 27:36
So the first step is safety. And what it looks like when it’s achieved is the body’s gonna kind of drop-down, you’re gonna, it’s kind of these are all very subtle. So it’s hard to notice that if you can become really good at tracking a body, then you can really start to get it. So what I noticed in the body is that the holding the tension around the shoulders and the hips start to let go on the breath becomes more like an ocean wave.

Genevieve Pleasure 28:01
It’s just a little more subtle sign that the person’s not feeling safe is if they’re not giving you eye contact, right? This is just like clear signs. If their breath is held, if you touch them, and they pull away, they’re not flirting with you. They probably just don’t want to be touched. They don’t feel safe yet, right? And so what you do to create safety is you ask them, you ask them say…”Hey, I noticed that you’re you know, you’re not looking at me right now.”

Genevieve Pleasure 28:29
Is there something up, and there’s something you need to share or something you don’t feel safe about? And that’s sexy. Y’all bring that’s hot, that’s sexy and hot. We want that. Okay. And the other piece about it is the more the better you are at creating safety, the more orgasmic expansion she can have.

Genevieve Pleasure 28:49
I absolutely, I promise.

Genevieve Pleasure 28:52
So that’s my that’s the stuff I could talk about all day long because it feels like once we have safety down is much easier to do the rest of it.

Kevin Anthony 28:59
Well, because we’re we only have so much time on the show. We won’t talk too much more about that. But I love that that is your first step. I actually just recorded a video on this. It hasn’t launched yet on this exact topic for men, because it absolutely is the most important and that here’s the thing that that I see with a lot of guys is they think well, I’m your partner or I’m your husband or I’m your boss, you’re safe.

Kevin Anthony 29:25
Of course, you’re safe, right? They just assume that that level of safety is there, but maybe it’s not. And when we talk about safety, we’re not even just talking about physical safety. It might be emotional safety as well.

Genevieve Pleasure 29:38
Yeah. And has nothing to do with you either. Like the safety and someone else’s body has nothing to do with you, but you can support the person and find safety. The other key thing I’ve noticed over the years, a woman will naturally go into arousal when she feels safe. My second step is intrigue.

Genevieve Pleasure 29:54
That’s arousal. She’s going to do it. Normally you don’t have to do anything to her. She will just start breathing or coming close to you. It’s amazing. This is again, this is the thing that lesbians understand, right? You cuddle Shit happens. She’s gonna move towards you. It’s gonna have

Kevin Anthony 30:13
valuable tip men cuddling?

Céline Remy 30:16
Yeah, totally. But I love the safety part too because I think that, as you said, also, we don’t always know why sometimes we just don’t feel safe, it could be that the door is open. And you just need that door closed, you know, even though you’re in

Kevin Anthony 30:30
your own home, or the actual door, like to the room, to the

Céline Remy 30:34
room. Exactly. And so whatever that is, also, I think a lot of women deny themselves that connection to their body. So it’s about giving yourself permission to want what you want and what you need. And this is, you know, while you men can do a lot in like helping us create that container. I think it also has to come from us women to be able to voice those things.

Genevieve Pleasure 30:58
Absolutely. Most women don’t even know what authentic pleasure feels like in their bodies. Because we’re used to being like I’m supposed to be turned on right now. Right. And like a pussy which lesbians get opposed to you should be very open and wet before any sort of penetration goes in it open and wet, and like deeply craving you like coming towards you.

Genevieve Pleasure 31:24
Right, we’re not penetrating the policy, the policy is actually just landing on top of you. That should be the energy so to get her there, it’s so much safer to start. And then you just watch, she’s gonna, she’s gonna open on her own. Of course, there are more steps. So we won’t go through them today. But yes,

Kevin Anthony 31:39
well, we can go through all the steps today, I didn’t want to shut you down and not allow you to go through the steps. I just didn’t want to spend too long on the first step, because then we’re gonna run out of time. And well. Let’s continue on. Let’s go into step number two, then probably we’ll take a quick break, and then we’ll continue on with the steps after that. Okay, great.

Genevieve Pleasure 32:00
Step number two is “intrigue”. So the rest of the steps are much easier, we don’t go too deep into them. Because really, that’s safety setup brings everything else home intrigue just means that her breath is gonna kick in and her body’s gonna move. And the way that you do this is if you know that safeties happen, it’s happening, it’s going to happen already.

Genevieve Pleasure 32:16
And your job is to just help maximize, right, so she’s breathing or energy is moving. And you’re just like, Where can I touch her right now to increase that? That’s it. And it’s permission for a lot of women. It’s like, can I really be this turned on? Yes, you can. Let me keep giving you permission, right? Lots and lots and lots of permissions. That’s step two.

Genevieve Pleasure 32:38
And then after a while, it’s going to happen and she’s going to show you a part of herself, there’s gonna be like a shoulder, or maybe like a bud or a pussy or boob, like something’s gonna move towards you. That’s Step three, directionality. Your job is to meet that part fully. A lot of people like to meet it for a second and then move somewhere else.

Genevieve Pleasure 32:58
And you’re like, just gave you my boobs, stay on my boob. Right? Stay there, I’m giving it to you for a reason, right? So so this is a point of like, deep focus, and needing not like not just like half did, we really want to feel you with her. Right. And, again, what will happen often as we speak too much through this point, so stay, stay, stay until she opens.

Genevieve Pleasure 33:26
So let’s say she gives you a boob. Right. And then she’s in her turn on in her arousal and she gives you a boob, you want to stay there until you feel her do something like an exhale, right? Or like, there’s gonna be some sort of sigh that needs to happen. And then you can move to another part of the body, eventually, you’ll get to the busy, right. So that’s step four, openness, see, so we can speed right through them.

Kevin Anthony 33:52
Yeah. We’re gonna talk a little bit more about that. Let’s take a quick break for our sponsor,

Céline Remy 33:58
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Céline Remy 34:18
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Genevieve Pleasure 34:39
I love it. I love it. So step four is that openness, it’s what we call the orgasm, right? Or we call it the climax, and it’s really just like she’s either crying, right? I just want to let that be there. Sometimes crying is the orgasm, so she might be having what I call a crygasm she might be having an actual like or Guys in through G spot or clitoral or squirting happening, or it might be just a sigh.

Genevieve Pleasure 35:06
Right? Like, thank you for meeting me here kind of energy, right? So that’s what we call openness. And now most people just, they think they’re done. There’s another. Okay, there’s another tip for the guys out there is we’re lesbians, I think rock, okay? The guys will just get up at that point and be like, okay, so what do we, um, oh, because they’re two more steps.

Genevieve Pleasure 35:36
And the two steps are so good. So what will happen after the orgasm, or the crygasm, or the release, right is the body will start and I’m not very sciency. But will it will start to give off some awesome chemicals, right, we’ll have the oxytocin Tosun, rash, and all of that. And what that creates in the body is amazing, deep healing for the cellular structure of the body. Right.

Genevieve Pleasure 36:00
It’s also awesome for any emotional healing that needs to happen between the two of you. So you’ll naturally move into this place that I call beingness. And that’s when everything gets really still, I’m sure, I think a lot of people can relate to that time when you’ve had really good sex. And afterward, you just like, Go, like there’s no movement possible, right. So that’s going to be the new Mo, using the orgasmic arc that should happen in every sex sexual encounter.

Genevieve Pleasure 36:27
And if you’ve actually moved through the steps, so then you’re there, and you’re being us, and you’re just hanging out. And then the last stage, you’re going to notice, she’s going to start to like nuzzle up against you, or like, kiss your tea, great, like cute little things are gonna happen. Or she might start feeling turned on again, and her body might start moving. And she might be like, oh, I want more. Here’s where lesbians continue to have sex.

Genevieve Pleasure 36:48
Okay, this is the last step called the expression stage. And it’s where the authentic expression comes out. So this might be words, like deep love and appreciation for each other, it might be like that, or it might be like, Oh, my God, I’m so turned on, can I go down on you? Right? Like, here’s another authentic expression happening for my body, because you’ve cleared out her mind at this point.

Genevieve Pleasure 37:09
And her body is really open. And so you get to just kind of swim together in this place. And then the arc, what it’ll do is it’ll keep looping. So this is how we have sex for four hours. It just keeps going. We just keep looping and looping and looping. And I think what I see a lot of men doing is they’ll go to, and I’ve, you know, slept with a lot of men from the sex work world, right.

Genevieve Pleasure 37:32
And so what, what I’ve noticed is they’ll just keep moving through the first four. And they don’t give that spaciousness, like, you have one orgasm, and they’re like, we’re gonna do it again. And I’m like, Ah, like, I just need to, like, integrate what just happened, right? Like, give me a moment to be in feel and then come back to you authentically, because it seems to just be like orgasm after orgasm. That’s not sustainable, and it won’t last.

Kevin Anthony 37:57
And you know, another thing I’d like to point out for the guys when it comes to that arc is that that arc isn’t just about that session, and how long you can keep that session going. Because, you know, for some guys, they may be thinking, well, you know, once we both had orgasms like I don’t really want that arc to keep going, right, like some guys are, are like that.

Kevin Anthony 38:16
But I think what they miss is, is that, you know, doing those last two steps, you know, when she says she wants to cuddle when she wants to talk to you about it afterward, that’s actually setting the scene for the next encounter that you have whenever that is, and I think that’s a big part that they miss, because they just think it’s like, peripheral kinda like whatever, take it or leave it, I don’t really care kind of thing.

Kevin Anthony 38:41
And then completely missed the point that this is essential to you coming back around and starting the arc again, and another time and moving faster through those first few, she’ll open faster, she’ll relax faster, all of that, because she’s got that intimacy and safety established, then you’ve basically come full circle.

Genevieve Pleasure 39:02
It also makes people love quickies. I used to not love cookies. I love cookies. Now, because I moved through the whole arc. I can do it in five minutes with my partner and it’s awesome. Like before our workday, we go through the arc in five minutes. I have an orgasm, I cry a little we connect for like, five minutes. When you get really good at it. It doesn’t have to last forever. You can accordion and out however you want, but then you feel complete. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 39:26
I’ve got one more thing that I really want to use. You’ve said it a couple of times. And it’s funny because this just came up in a session you were having with some clients too. And so I think it’s really valid and relevant to what we’re talking about. But you’ve mentioned it a couple of times. Oh, then I just cry and then like at some point you’re like and she’ll just cry, you know, and that’s okay, right.

Kevin Anthony 39:47
And the reason cuz this is we’re saying primarily geared towards men, right? And it’s lesbian tips for men. Here’s the thing, man, if she cries, it’s not necessarily a bad thing. Yeah, right. it like it might just be a release of some emotion. It might even be good emotions, it could be a good cry, it could be a releasing of past trauma that had nothing to do with you whatsoever.

Kevin Anthony 40:11
And the problem we see is these men take it personally, like, oh my god, she’s crying. What did I do? How do I fix this? Right? And I just thought it was worth pointing out that that, you know, coming from you, and like the way you’re saying that it’s like, this is a normal thing that can happen.

Kevin Anthony 40:28
And we know it is and somebody knows it is too. So I just kind of want to put that out there for guys like listen to the women here in this discussion. This is part of truly deep-connected lovemaking. And it will happen from time to time.

Genevieve Pleasure 40:41
Right? I love that. And there’s, it’s really just about what’s happening in the body. Right, like, so when she’s crying. Is she breathing? If she’s breathing while she’s crying, you’re probably doing a great job. Don’t stop. She’s right. She’s in the openness. I used to hate it when people would stop. What are you doing in the middle of an experience? Yeah,

Céline Remy 41:07
so good. So Genevieve, if you could give men one tip on how to make love to women, what would it be?

Genevieve Pleasure 41:20
I think patience. Yeah, patience. It’s, it’s like, and I get it guys because my partner, when I look, I’m like, oh my god, I just want to fuck up shirt out of you like, right, I have that feeling in my body. It’s very masculine. And it comes in sometimes. And I know that feeling. And I know that it can be really overwhelming and kind of frustrating to hold. I get I totally get it.

Genevieve Pleasure 41:42
But if you can just breathe and be with your body and remain willing to stay patient and recognize that she will open. If you aligned to her speed, just stay with her tempo, then she’s going to be giving you what it is that you create. You don’t have to bypass or push through any of it. Yeah.

Céline Remy 42:02
Awesome. And then did you have any advice for couples who want to bring in a lesbian or bisexual woman in their lovemaking? Because we’re looking for that unicorn right?

Kevin Anthony 42:16
There. I know men are all thinking questions in there. Yeah,

Genevieve Pleasure 42:19
I love I mean, group sex, orgies and unicorns, and all that the artworks, no matter how many people are involved. Like, follow this step, even with the three of you, right? Follow the seven. And so you start with safety, right? Like, okay, do all three of us feel safe?

Genevieve Pleasure 42:35
What do we need right now to make sure you feel safe, and then her and then the, a lot of those unicorn experiences can be very performative and feel kind of shallow, right, just from experience myself. And so to make it not so shallow, it’s making sure you’re actually moving through the steps like you have the framework now. Use them.

Céline Remy 42:55
Awesome. So where can people connect with you and find more about the work that you do?

Genevieve Pleasure 43:01
Yeah, totally. So the websites Genevieve pleasure.com, they can go there. And then we have a great community of people who are pretty orgasmic Ark. Like their enthusiasm for this. And they love asking questions about it. And it’s called the orgasmic Ark community on Facebook. But our O is zero. Otherwise, Facebook kicks us off. So put a zero and not a no.

Céline Remy 43:21
I was surprised that was like high on Facebook doing that.

Genevieve Pleasure 43:25
Yeah, that’s a trick.

Céline Remy 43:31
All right. We’ll have all the links in the description. But I know you’ve got books, you’ve got the multiple ways for people to work with you. So go check our Genovese website. And then we have our very last favorite question that we ask all of our guests, which is, what is your best sexual talent?

Genevieve Pleasure 43:49
Oh, wow. Okay, this is so fun. My pussy just went. She was like you’re talking about me? Thanks. Okay, my best sexual talent is that I just my policy does so many cool things. Like she’s so alive. And so excited and so loving. She has no fear. She’s just like, hi, I love you. You’re amazing, right? Like, just from years of work on her.

Genevieve Pleasure 44:21
She’s just like with it. And she’s fully attuned to me, and we connect all the time. And so my G spot can actually move out of my pussy and wave hello to people. It goes outside. So no one has to go and find her. She’s like

Céline Remy 44:40
amazing, amazing.

Kevin Anthony 44:43
That’s the first time we’ve ever gotten that answer.

Genevieve Pleasure 44:48
She likes that she really likes having a dungeon on her. So appreciate it.

Kevin Anthony 44:53
I have to say from a guy’s point of view. I love a woman with a talented pussy. Oh, People are thinking of all. Don’t they all have talented PCs? No, actually, they don’t all have talented BOCES. And this is not to say anything bad about any of the women out there.

Kevin Anthony 45:08
But some women have consciously focused on it and learned how to master it. And some habits. Some are just kind of going in the default, but the ones that have really learned how to master it. There’s nothing better. Oh, cool. Thank you. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 45:43
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing.