THIS Is Why You’re Not Happy In Your Relationship

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Céline Remy 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 151 into this title, this is why you’re not happy in your relationship. Ooh, what a title. I do strongly suggest that you stick around through the whole episode because I’m pretty sure you’re going to learn some stuff in this one. There’s so much that happens in the dynamic of a relationship.

Kevin Anthony 0:54
And I think so much of it is completely and totally misunderstood by people. So and we’re really gonna dive into that we have a special guest on the show. Today we’re going to unpack what we mean about that. We’re going to unpack why relationships are not here to make you happy. In fact, they might have other reasons for being in part of your life. So we’re gonna dive into all of that stuff. I think it’s gonna be a fascinating conversation. So let’s go

Rachel Fiori 1:20
get ready. But before we get started, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 1:47
Our guest today is Rachel Fiory. She is a mystical therapist and intuitive empaths who certifies coaches and trains individuals on how to master life and love. With 23 years of professional experience as an expert in mental, emotional, and behavioral, virile health. She integrates the spiritual aspects of universal truths, so people can heal and transform at the deepest level humanly possible. Whoo. Welcome, Rachel to the love lab podcast.

Rachel Fiori 2:21
Thank you so much. It’s such a pleasure to be here. I’m very excited about our conversation today.

Kevin Anthony 2:28
You know, whenever you read that first ad, I always like to watch the guest’s face to see how they react to it. She was like stone.

Céline Remy 2:37
I’ve got this, this is great stuff.

Kevin Anthony 2:40
We’ve had reactions with people that we’ve had people we’ve had, like women nudging their husbands.

Céline Remy 2:50
So I want to dive right in, because Kevin led us into this earlier. So he mentioned if relationships aren’t here to make us happy, then what are they here to do?

Rachel Fiori 3:02
Yeah, they’re here to make you conscious. They’re here to make you conscious. They’re here to show you absolutely everything within yourself that needs to be seen, healed and loved, in order for you to become a more powerful loving being. And that also then translates to being a more powerful loving partner.

Céline Remy 3:22
Yeah, you know, I used to years ago before Selena and I were together and I was doing some coaching on my own. I used to use a phrase called relationship as a path to enlightenment. I don’t know where I got that from. But that’s kind of how I used to, to view it.

Kevin Anthony 3:35
And so yeah, I was wondering if you answered the question really well, and I think I, for the sake of the listeners, it would be great if maybe we could just expand on that a little bit. So what do we mean when we say, evolve our consciousness? Like, what are we really getting at with that?

Rachel Fiori 3:53
Yeah, great question. So first of all, I think, I think a lot of people misunderstand what it means to be a conscious person. And so let’s clarify that really, what it means is an acute level of self-awareness. It doesn’t mean you don’t make mistakes. It doesn’t mean you never feel pain or negative emotions. That doesn’t mean that you don’t make a bad choice. You know it because that’s the human part of you.

Rachel Fiori 4:20
But to be conscious means I am so acutely self-aware of my triggers my programs, my patterns, that went my woundedness that isn’t yet healed, that when I get triggered, and I realize I’m running a program, I can stop. And I can do the healing and the processes that I’ve learned in order to continue my own healing, and wake up more awakened more versus projected onto my partner that the reason why I’m unhappy is because of him or her.

Rachel Fiori 4:53
So really, what it means to be conscious is to be so self-aware that you now are living in a level of truth. versus my old woundedness giving me these illusions of what I think is going on in my relationship.

Céline Remy 5:07
So I knew this was going to happen when we wrote these questions. But we’ve asked, Well, two questions, but one of which was on the list. I’ve already got another question that’s not on the list going off the path, so to speak. But so when we talk about that, right, you’re saying that people are so aware of where they’re at, and the fact that their own wounds aren’t healed? and all that.

Kevin Anthony 5:32
But here’s my question is, I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met, who truly think that they are aware, who truly think that they have a certain level of consciousness, how, how, let’s say you’re in a relationship, and your partner really thinks like, they’re totally aware. Like, they know everything that like, hey, like, I know what all I’ve healed all that stuff already, right?

Kevin Anthony 5:55
Because we hear that a lot when we work. I’ve already healed that. And it’s like, yeah, fucking kidding me. Right? So how do you deal with that with someone who thinks that they’re already conscious and awake and aware? Yeah, really isn’t it?

Rachel Fiori 6:07
Sure beautiful? I love this. So the first thing we have to understand is, just because you’re spiritual doesn’t mean you’re conscious, they are not one and the same. Being, that’s the first. There it is. It’s, we think we’re spiritual. And we do all these practices. And that makes us conscious. That is not what consciousness is if you’re spiritual, Awesome, cool. You can be spiritual if you want to. Cool, that’s nice, have fun, and it’s great.

Rachel Fiori 6:31
It doesn’t mean you’re awakened, they are not one and the same. If you have a tremendous amount of knowledge, and you’ve read 4000 books, and you have a photographic memory, you know, every word, every line, and you can quote, people left and right, that doesn’t make you conscious, that makes you intelligent, and intelligence and knowledge is not wisdom, they’re not the same, to be conscious is to be wise. And that means the knowledge you’ve gained, you’ve integrated it.

Rachel Fiori 7:00
And let’s put it very simply, if you really were highly conscious, there’s no such thing as you being triggered by your partner ever. So how triggered are you how regularly Are you triggered into what degrees are you triggered? lets you know your true level of consciousness. Because if you’re bothered by your partner, you’re not yet conscious.

Céline Remy 7:20
This makes me happy because we very seldomly triggered by each other.

Céline Remy 7:26
It’s interesting, because we had this conversation the other day, and you said, it’s really cool because we almost never get triggered. And I said I said, Actually, we don’t ever get triggered. We occasionally will get annoyed. Yeah, no, like, Alright, but we’re never triggered. Like, I see that word triggered is like, you know, if you know anything about guns, right, you pull a trigger, you pull a trigger, and there’s a certain point where it breaks, right?

Kevin Anthony 7:49
And that’s what you literally call it, you pull it into you, you pull the slack out until you feel it break, right. So when I think of a trigger, that’s what I think of it’s like something snapped, right? And you’re like, oh, now I’m triggered, right? That never happens to us, we occasionally, okay. But we don’t ever really get triggered.

Céline Remy 8:07
That’s true. I want to come back to something that you mentioned earlier. And I know it’s gonna throw Kevin off because it’s a question that’s later in the line, but I’m going to bring it right now. He doesn’t like that at all.

Kevin Anthony 8:21
Now, I’m triggered, you can’t do that.

Rachel Fiori 8:24
So what I wanted to know is how do you shift from blaming someone else’s actions? Because you mentioned like, you know, when you enter that space, you hurt my feelings or is happening because my partner is doing this or I can’t do that because he/she this and that. So always put the blame the shame, the reason why you are unhappy on your partner. How do you shift from that?

Rachel Fiori 8:49
Yeah, what a beautiful question. So the process that I teach when I coach couples, is, you first learn that self-awareness of Oh, look at that I’ve been activated. I’m triggered and triggered really means am I running a program you learn to ask the question, am I running a program so if I’m hurt, if I’m unhappy, if I’m frustrated, if I’m angry if I’m anything other than peace? It doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It doesn’t mean anybody’s wrong. We get rid of the pointing fingers the blame the shame of myself or anyone else.

Rachel Fiori 9:23
And instead, we learn to live from the level of truth that’s a universal truth, not my truth and your truth bullshit that’s out there quit that comes from the ego, my truth my treat quit. What is the truth in the scenario? What is the truth? And a lot of times it is not what you think you see with your own eyes, but I’m seeing this and my partner’s baba baba baba. Okay. What is the truth in the situation though? And that means we learn what programs we’re running that were mostly implanted when we were children. They were programmed in there.

Rachel Fiori 9:56
By the time we were seven years old. why people don’t know that you’re running These patterns and these programs from your subconscious. And your partner simply did or said something that activated a program that boop, now it’s running. So when our partner really does show up in an unloving way, an unkind way, because doesn’t mean that doesn’t ever happen. It means Oh, look at that, though, I’m really bothered by that’s a trigger, I wouldn’t be bothered by that. If I didn’t have an unhealed wound. That’s the first part.

Rachel Fiori 10:26
When I do the work, and I heal my stuff, I’m no longer triggered doesn’t mean my partner didn’t show up with a program that’s unloving. But when he or she does, I can say, oh, okay, what’s really going on here, as I see the programs that you’re running, and I can give loving patience, I can love you through that program while setting a loving, healthy boundary with the behavioral program you’re running in what I teach people, they learned the difference are behavioral programs, they learn to identify them, what are the behavioral programs, you’ll never heal?

Rachel Fiori 11:01
At the level of behavior, it doesn’t heal the root cause of the behavior is a symptom of something deeper period. Okay, so when we learn to look at things in what is my mental programs, what are my emotional programs? If I’m triggered, I first take self-responsibility, am I triggered? Am I running a program? You know, my partner may have triggered it and done something first. But am I running a program, the only person I can heal is myself.

Rachel Fiori 11:30
So I now get to see my partner, and his or her programs that are kind of icky, and yucky and bullshit, I get to see their yucky programs and say, Oh, my God, what a gift that’s showing me mine, which means I get to heal me. And it’s such a gift. And so if I then take the process that I teach is, I now get to see what problems Am I running? Is there an inner child showing up, and then move through the process of healing that I just did self-healing, I just did absolute deep transformational healing on myself?

Rachel Fiori 12:01
And then I’m able to not add more shit to the contaminated energy that my partner brought up with his programs right now. I don’t add more to it. Instead, I heal, you see? And then I say, well, thank you. It’s not okay to talk to me that way. I’m so sorry that you’re frustrated, though. See how I learned to validate the emotion. The emotional program is never wrong. I validate that.

Rachel Fiori 12:26
But then I said that loving boundary means there’s no judgment and that you just showed up this way. And there’s no excuse. We don’t justify behavior. But we lovingly set boundaries instead of don’t you talk to me that way. It’s I’m so sorry. You’re frustrated? sweetheart. It doesn’t mean you can talk to me that way. They’ll don’t take it out on me. But I’m really sorry. You’re having a hard time right now.

Kevin Anthony 12:49
So many things in there.

Céline Remy 12:51
Press replay. Really good. Rachel,

Céline Remy 12:56
I want to just point out a couple of them. I mean, I, I could basically point out all of them. Because you know, sometimes when a guest says something on the show, I feel like we need to repeat it because the people listening need to hear it again. But there’s two things that I really, that really kind of jumped out to me. The first one was when you were making the distinction between what people say is my truth versus the truth.

Kevin Anthony 13:17
And the reason I wanted to point that out is that what I really wanted to say about that is, while it’s true, everybody does have sort of their own truth. I think there’s a very fine line there. And that, unfortunately, in today’s modern society that has been given to people so that they can use it as an excuse. Yep. Right. 100%? Because what do people do? They have their own opinion, they have their own wounding their own stuff, right?

Kevin Anthony 13:44
And then they’re gonna sit there go, Well, this is my truth. So I can say to you, whatever I want to say to Yes, but it’s not really your truth. It’s just your own inner wounding. And you’re hiding behind this is my truth. So I’m going to stick with it, which is exactly completely different from the objective truth of the situation. You got it. So really point that out.

Kevin Anthony 14:05
And I love and I love that. And I want to say that is we do we’ve learned to hide behind it. But this is my truth, which means I’m justified and taking my stamp. Well, how loving Are you being right now? That’s what when you do the work with the coaching that I offer, it’s seeing Well, what programs Am I offering right now? And are they loving or not?

Rachel Fiori 14:24
And when I realized that I’m actually coming from a place of non loves very unloving what I’m offering right now, I can let go of that. And I can see the real truth, the actual truth, which is oh my gosh, I’m coming from wounded but so is my partner on what happens when somebody is coming from woundedness. Do we want to judge and criticize and take stances and create opposition between the two of us or do we want to love each other through it and be on the same team? Absolutely.

Céline Remy 14:50
Yeah, I like to use the term I think that whole like this is my truth is spiritual bypass is it’s total spiritual bypassing. It is absolutely is so the second thing that I wanted to point out because I thought it was a really great way that you explained it. And I think that people would benefit a lot from hearing it again, which is that whole idea that when you’re triggered, all it’s really doing is pulling up a past program.

Kevin Anthony 15:13
Yeah. And this idea that we have these past programs that are either running in the background all the time, or are getting turned on at certain times based on actions that we perceive as somebody doing something to us, but really what it does is just turn on one of our programs.

Kevin Anthony 15:28
Exactly, exactly. And here’s the beautiful thing about that, when you really learn how to do this work and see things from that perspective, oh my god, it’s just a program. It is so incredibly healing immediately. When, because it removes shame. It removes judgment, we’re, we’re learning to see the truth, oh, my God, I’m running a program, you’re not your programs, the deeper you have no program, the truth of who you are, doesn’t judge or belittle or criticize or get defensive. That’s not the truth of who you are.

Rachel Fiori 16:03
That’s how you’re showing up. Because those are the programs that are in your subconscious. See the difference in that. So the beautiful part about it is you’re running past programs, they’re getting triggered and activated and they’re running on autopilot. When you see them for what they are, and you have an understanding of what they are, then you can transform them through easy. So you are not your programs. But your programs are showing up to sabotage the loving bond that you and your partner could have if these programs weren’t in the way.

Rachel Fiori 16:34
So what do you do when? So for example, I’m pretty good at spotting the programs now, because I spend a lot of time observing myself. And here, I’ve been on earth for 38 years now. So I’ve got experience right at watching myself. But I still find myself having a difficult time stopping the program when it starts to run. And more specifically, is there is a tendency for me to either go really quickly to frustration or anger.

Céline Remy 17:04
And once it starts running, and it doesn’t matter, it could be anything on the outside, like I’ve really noticed that it’s just the program I go to, it doesn’t matter what happens on the outside is that it’s really hard to stop it. Or there’s the other program where I go in my head and spin and spin and spin and overthink and overthink.

Céline Remy 17:23
And I mean, I will do the breathing exercise, I will meditate and it can stop for a while. But then it comes back and I feel it’s a constant battle. So what do I do? What do I listeners do if they’re like? How do I like, basically, once the program has started running? And I’m new, I’m in it, how do I be interrupted, interrupt it?

Kevin Anthony 17:46
Yeah, so so this is tricky because it’s actually a process to learn how to do all this because these programs are powerful, they’ve been running your whole lives. They’re very strong, and they get they go on autopilot, and they don’t stop. They’re doing what they were trained and program to do, which is run. Right. And it’s exhausting. It is exhausting. And it’s absolutely exhausting. It burns our energy. And it fatigues us because programs run energy, everything is energy.

Rachel Fiori 18:12
When you mentioned as it goes in my mind. Those are your mental programs. So the first thing is, through the coaching, I offer I teach people to separate the programs. The first step is to see the programs and you write them down their mental programs, emotional programs, behavioral programs, and then inner child wound programs. You’ll spend one week on each type of program in order to identify that’s what’s getting activated during these scenarios. That is what’s coming up. So you get used to seeing them and separating them.

Rachel Fiori 18:45
And it’s very important to learn how to separate instead of just lump all your programs together, this way too overwhelming to heal them. And most of the time you can’t when you do it that way. So you separate them out. That’s the first part. Then you learn. Part of it is learning how to drop in and connect to your heart space, you have to actually be connected to heart energy because that’s where feminine energy comes in. And feminine energy is the energy is transformational and healing period.

Rachel Fiori 19:13
And that’s what it does. So when you then look at your programs, no longer look at I’m like, go away, stop. I don’t want you here. That’s not loving. You learn how to fully and finally completely love yourself all of you. Because you start loving your shadow self, all of your programs. It’s the opposite of trying to get rid of them that’s not loving. It’s embracing them and accepting them that they’re there and realizing they stem from a core and eight, nine times out of 10 the core the roots of that program comes from some woundedness or unhealed trauma.

Rachel Fiori 19:58
And just to quickly say most people Blink trauma, they think of the worst things. I didn’t have trauma, I had good parents. Okay, good, good for you, except that you did have trauma. Because you’re a human. You’re human. And your parents weren’t enlightened beings unless you were raised by Buddha after he was enlightened, or Jesus after he was fully in the Christ consciousness, your parents made mistakes, and they didn’t realize how they were programming you.

Rachel Fiori 20:25
That’s part of the program, I offer, just understanding a deeper truth. And everybody has little micro traumas that have gone on healed, that micro-trauma isn’t healed. That’s why the program runs. So you learn to see the program, that program, and that program just got triggered. Cool. Now we connect the dots to get all the way down to the root, when you see what the root actually is, most of the time, it blows your mind.

Rachel Fiori 20:52
And then it’s there it is, when you see it, you can love it into transcendence, and it’s gone. When you heal the root like that every program that was attached to that root Gone.

Rachel Fiori 21:03
Gone. Yeah, that’s powerful and beautiful. Obviously, it’s deep work.  I’m really grateful that there are people like you who can support people who go through that because I think sometimes on your own, it can be difficult. And it’s easy to think sometimes you’ve reached it. And really you haven’t, I think until you really come to that place of inner peace.

Céline Remy 21:24
You know, sometimes you have a level or you’re like, oh, I think I got a new level of it. But really, if it gets retriggered, you haven’t gotten to the root just yet. Exactly. Yeah, that’s good to have somebody who can help you with that.

Kevin Anthony 21:37
So. So this, of course, begs the question, which we actually have written down. I’m curious if there are any potential traps that prevent people from being able to go through this process.

Kevin Anthony 21:56
The choice, you can refuse to do it, you have free will choice is beautiful. And it is also damning because you can choose to not do the work. And there is no such thing as this work, not working. There’s no such thing, it doesn’t exist. It is 100% effective if you do it. So you can choose to just not follow through. You can choose to not do what you’re guided to do. You can choose to not do your homework.

Rachel Fiori 22:25
And if you don’t do your homework, nothing’s going to heal. Of course, that’s like saying, Oh, I want to lose 40 pounds to get in the best shape of my life. And then you sit on the couch and you know, eat potato chips and binge watch Netflix, you’re like, Yeah, but I’m getting in shape. No, you’re not doing the work. You know, are you watching people working out on YouTube or on TV? Like, Oh, look, I’m watching it. doing the work.

Céline Remy 22:48
Yeah, you know, and I would add to that, too. So you know, in my many incarnations in this one lifetime, I’ve done a lot of different things. And one thing that I used to do years ago when I was in my early 20s, was work as a personal trainer. So I love your analogy here. Because one of the things that I used to laugh at all the time was, people would come in, and they’d have their giant grande de mocha, whatever thing from Starbucks, and then they’d get on the treadmill for 30 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 23:17
And I would just laugh let’s have a go, you realize, you might have burned off a 10th of just that one drink alone that you just had, which means they’re going through the motions, but they’re not actually doing the work. And so I can see that as being another potential trap where people think I’m doing the work. I’m in it every day, I’m really doing it. But are they really doing it?

Kevin Anthony 23:39
Exactly showing up for your coaching session every week with me in this program, just for an example. That’s not enough. showing up for the coaching isn’t enough. You have to do the homework every single day in between our sessions. And if you’re not really applying it and integrating it, why would you think anything is going to change? It doesn’t and then people get frustrated, or it doesn’t work, you’re not doing it.

Rachel Fiori 24:05
And when people do the work it is it blows their mind how free they become how loving the relationship becomes. Because now there’s just a sense of freedom and understanding and support and love and safety. Safety comes out of this because it’s like, oh my god, I’m running programs off. It’s okay. I see your programs.

Rachel Fiori 24:26
I love you when you heal that I’m right here, whatever you need me to do to support you, but you powerfully heal yourself. I mean, it’s just miraculous what happens in a relationship when people decide to do over work like this and go this deep.

Kevin Anthony 24:39
So I can hear a few people on the other end of this broadcast. I can already hear what some of them are thinking. Fuck this sounds like a lot of work. Like,

Céline Remy 24:54
Welcome to Earth, right

Céline Remy 24:58
and I just wanted to preempt any Buddy on the other end thinking that as they’re listening to this broadcast, and I want to say, is there anything else in life more important than this? The answer, in my opinion, is no, there’s literally nothing that is more important than your own consciousness, your own evolution, and have amazing relationships.

Kevin Anthony 25:20
I agree with that 100% It’s why I do the work that I do for people. It affects everything. It affects everything in your whole life is affected by your ability to heal all this stuff, to no longer be a puppet of your programs. And to be able to have a loving, blissful relationship that is strong and powerful. And then you move through life with whatever life challenges come because they come that’s part of the human experience.

Rachel Fiori 25:46
When challenges come, you’re powerful. Now you can handle anything, because you are equipped emotionally, to handle the things that are being brought to you. You know, some traumatic thing, somebody in your family dies, that’s very painful. But can you absolutely become more powerful through your grief? 100%? Absolutely Can you just have to learn how you have to be willing to learn, I always say it requires two things.

Rachel Fiori 26:16
And when people want to come for coaching, two things are required. You have to be willing, that means willing to learn anything. And you have to be devoted to doing it. Willing, willingness and devotion. You can heal anything through willingness and devotion.

Rachel Fiori 26:33
I love this. So it gives you a little break for our sponsors, which is Kevin and I and then we go right back into the rest cuz I have more questions, more things I want to hear. So this is for all of you listeners if you are in a committed couple who is stuck in a rut and just going through the daily motions instead of connecting the way you used to.

Céline Remy 26:52
And you’re tired of stale mechanical sex that like spontaneity and fun, and you don’t want to live a life of average, then Kevin. And I would like to invite you to join our highly sexed power couple Platinum program. If you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually, so that you can fly with more purpose and passion in life. So to learn more about our program, go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion

Kevin Anthony 27:21
So if you’re a couple, and you’re constantly getting triggered, the need that deep work, go see Rachel first. Fix all that stuff.

Céline Remy 27:32
Yes.

Kevin Anthony 27:34
And we’ll help you get the relation the sex part of your Okay, we got a lot more questions did you have to

Rachel Fiori 27:44
have one that’s not written that I just wanted to cover when before we go into some of the more positive things too. But one of the things because we were talking about some of the things that are in the way of people, what I do see is that some people are addicted to what they identify as their trauma or their wounding. And I was just curious about your perspective, Rachel on this, because to me, it’s always a red flag.

Céline Remy 28:10
When somebody walks in and says, This is my trauma. This is my wounding like they’ve really appropriated it themselves. And it’s part of their identity, and the thinking the healing it, but really, they just feeding it. And it’s just my opinion here. So I’m curious about what’s your opinion on that? And then maybe also, is there a way to stop to identify with that?

Kevin Anthony 28:32
Yeah, that’s a beautiful question. I see it a lot as well in that they’re running an identity program. So really what they’re doing, and I’m going to talk spiritual, and then I’ll get I’ll bring it more to simplicity in a moment. In the spiritual terms of things, they’re identifying with something that is a false self. That’s just ego, it’s this is my identity, my trauma is my identity.

Rachel Fiori 28:55
My trauma tends to bring me connection attention, it of course, in superficial unfulfilling ways, but I don’t realize that because it’s all I know. And so I’m very eating I’m very ego, ugly, attached to my trauma because I take it on as my identity. So part of then incorporated through the program and the coaching that offer is, you start to see over a period of time that you are not your trauma, you’re not you that’s not your identity, you are not the trauma programs you run are not that’s not the truth of who you are.

Rachel Fiori 29:30
So what is the truth of who you are, very quickly, very simply, when you learn how to drop into your heart space, connect there and let everything else go? You have an instantaneous physiological response in the body. All the happy, calming chemicals get released from the brain. This is how powerful we are that you can actually breathe, learn what it means to connect the heart energy, and your entire biochemistry changes instantly.

Rachel Fiori 29:59
And how do you know that you feel it in your body? So that’s part of this is, you know, asking people when I take them through this process, okay? Now, how do you feel what’s going on in your body right now? And everybody’s different, but just in general, people will say things like, I feel calmer, I feel peace, I feel relaxed, I feel good, I feel a little high. Those are the more common types of responses. Now, you know, you’re connected to heart energy, heart energy is the truth of who you are.

Rachel Fiori 30:29
Now, people have a reference point. So when they start to run a trauma program, are you connected to the truth of who you are? Or is that the false self? Well, no, this really, how do you know the difference? Now remember your reference point, and then you just keep bringing them back to the reference point of how does this really feel to be in my trauma programs, they now can compare and contrast what’s going on in the body, stress, tension, contraction, that the chest will get tight.

Rachel Fiori 30:58
You can have a million symptoms, they can now compare and contrast the Holy shit, I am totally fuckin up my whole body, everything in my energy system is fucked up. When I run these programs, they see it now. Because they can feel the difference. And then it’s a matter of Okay, so connect with the truth of who you are, and let those go do that for just 10 seconds. And they start to feel really good. That’s how you learn inside of the body, how to detach from your programs.

Céline Remy 31:29
Beautiful,

Céline Remy 31:30
yeah, that that’s huge. Unfortunately, in our society, today, one of the things that are really being drilled into people is that they’re victims, right. And so they start to associate all of this stuff with this is my pain, my trauma, my this my that right? And it really sticks. So if you’re listening to this, and you didn’t get every word of that, pause, go back, listen to it again, right? As many times as it takes because you really need to let go of that shit.

Kevin Anthony 32:04
Yeah, it needs to be healed and processed and loved and to transcendence. And then the other part of it is, when you do that, you will awaken. You realize the gift of why you went through that because there’s always a lesson there. The lesson then gives you the gift, it comes through lesson and gift. So what is the lesson intellectually, I don’t care what anybody thinks they know about their lessons and what they needed to learn going through a traumatic experience, maybe a troubled childhood or something.

Rachel Fiori 32:35
intellectually, this isn’t I’m not talking about knowledge that will not heal you that will not transform you at all. I’m talking about taking the lesson, integrating it and then you are a gift. You are a gift. So I’ll give a quick example because I want people to know this in real life. So when I grew up, I had a very abusive childhood had my dad died a few days after my fifth birthday, the man who became my stepfather was a physician who’s bipolar.

Rachel Fiori 33:04
He was mentally ill he was very abusive. And I grew up in that my whole childhood. And the lessons in there were what I do now for people, I realized my first shift into awakening at 13 years old was, ah, he went on one of his abusive rants and I just froze, my jaw dropped, and like 400 pounds lifted off my shoulder, as I realized, this has nothing to do with me. He’s running his own program. It’s not personal to me.

Rachel Fiori 33:33
All his abuse, all this shit is not actually about me. He’s vomiting and purging his own pain, his programs, his low self worth his self-hatred onto me because that’s what he learned. Right? That was my first shift in awakening. So I realized then growing up like I never took anything personally anymore. I mean, it sucked. It fucking sucked, because the abuse then stopped. It was bullshit. But I didn’t take it personally. I realize I don’t have to try to please him, I don’t have to get good grades for him excelled sports for him. I do that for me.

Rachel Fiori 34:05
And so when you learn, okay, so why did I go through that? What is the lesson, and part of the lesson for me was to be able to absolutely integrate the fierce warrior, because only a fierce warrior lives from the truth? When you see the truth of what my programs are, you know what I went through, I’m not a victim. But I went off to college saying there’s no way this didn’t fuck me up. I’m not there’s no way.

Rachel Fiori 34:33
This did not fuck me up. And I was on a mission for myself to realize how I was fucked up so that I wouldn’t repeat the patterns and the programs. That’s living from truth not Oh, look at me. I play college sports. I get good grades. I’m awesome. I have so many friends like no, there is no way I wasn’t fucked up from growing up in the US. Like that’s common sense. So just figure out how I didn’t have to shake myself for it. I just had to be willing to see how I was messed up.

Rachel Fiori 35:05
And that’s just oh my god, these are the programs I run. Oh my god, this is the program that’s the program. Oh, I can heal that and love my inner child right now instead of blaming this other person who’s triggering my shit, I go into my own shit and heal and love it. Wow, am I powerful now? See, that’s the difference. That’s what you learn how to become powerful and loving, and no more shame and blame.

Rachel Fiori 35:26
Yes, and I love that I want to tie this to our title of the episode. This is why you’re not happy in your relationship, you’re not happy because you expect your partner to fulfill your needs, and you don’t want to look within to do the inner work. So now where do we go from there? So let’s say that you understand this concept and like, okay, I want to start to take responsibility. What advice do you have for people to move out of this codependency usually that they’re stuck in the insanity that they stuck in their relationship?

Kevin Anthony 35:58
Yeah, good question. So first, I would say, go to the masters of self University comm send me a message myself or my assistant will get back to you with a consultation so that I can take you through this program. That’s the first thing. And the second thing is when you really do the self-work, and you realize you’re so powerful, and that you deserve to love yourself. When you love yourself, there is no such thing as not being abundant.

Rachel Fiori 36:24
When you’re powerful in your ability to heal your own pain, there’s no such thing as not being abundant anymore. And I mean abundant in every way, abundant with love abundance with peace. So your partner, then you take the burden off of your partner, your partner is not here to fulfill your needs, you’re not an infant, step into your power, stop living in this disempowered state where someone else needs to fulfill you or fill your needs or meet your needs or make you happy.

Rachel Fiori 36:49
That is such a thing about how trapped you are and your inner child’s woundedness. Only infants only babies are that dependent on everybody meeting my needs. You’re supposed to be a divine powerful being. And the truth is you are you’re just not showing up in that way. So when we realize oh, my God, I’ve lived so disempowered this whole time, my whole life so far. Yep, yeah, have you ready to be powerful? Sure. That’s where freedom comes in. It’s also where the hooks you have in your partner of making you happy, let go.

Rachel Fiori 37:20
And oh, my God, when there are no more hooks, guess what your partner tries to do all the time, make you happy. And when you’re already happy within, and I take responsibility for my own happiness, then when my partner has a rough patch or a bad day, I don’t take that personally, I can love him through that. I can be patient, I can offer grace to the relationship because I’m not a burden anymore. I’m patient and loving and powerful with him or her.

Rachel Fiori 37:49
And vice versa, then when my partner is very loving and does all these wonderful things that partner tend to do, oh my god, you see it more, you’re in more gratitude for it, all it does is overflow, you’re already filled cup. It’s no longer filling your emptiness up, you’re already full, then your relationship is nothing but abundance. Because even if your partner is having a bad day, or a rough patch, or a rough month, you’re still full. And then when they heal whatever they need to heal, they come back around, you’re overflowing. You were always winning when you approach relationships in that way.

Céline Remy 38:25
Yeah, I got goosebumps. So tell us what do you think is the secret key to a happy relationship.

Kevin Anthony 38:38
Realizing that you’re powerful enough to love and heal yourself and that happiness really truly comes from within, we just don’t know how that is. We don’t understand that yet. So if you’re willing to learn how to go in and heal your programs and your old woundedness if you’re willing to learn how to do it, and then do it. You can’t be happy in your relationship.

Rachel Fiori 39:04
You can’t it’s impossible to be unhappy in your relationship. When you do this work. It’s impossible. There’s nothing but happiness in the relationship. And when challenges come. And you know, negative emotions are normal, they’re healthy for a human. It’s not that you’re unhappy in the relationship is just, oh, this is frustrating today, and you move through it together, that’s still not a lack of happiness if that makes sense. You still have peace in the relationship.

Rachel Fiori 39:33
So there’s no more struggling or fighting or opposition creating, you know, opposing forces and being enemies anymore. It’s just, oh, this was challenging this month, okay. You dealt with it together. There’s no more being unhappy when you just decide to do the work on yourself and become a truly powerful sovereign divine being. Just do the work.

Céline Remy 39:57
Team us

Kevin Anthony 39:57
that’s what we call each other Team US.

Céline Remy 40:03
It stands for unstoppable success, by the way. That is amazing.

Céline Remy 40:11
All right. Well, as usual, when when we have great guests, we go through about half of the questions that we’ve written. But we are getting close to the end of the episode. So we do have one more question that we always ask people at the end of our episodes whenever we do interviews,

Rachel Fiori 40:28
but before we get to our juicy question, Where can people find more about you? I know you’ve already. I mean, please, again, share your website. Again, if you have any special gifts for our listeners, go ahead. And we’ll have all the links also in the descriptions.

Kevin Anthony 40:43
Absolutely. So go to masters of self university.com. Check out everything that I offer through there, you can also email me directly, Rachel, at masters of self University Comm. you email me directly, myself or my assistant will get back to you and schedule a free consultation so we can talk about how my programs or myself might be able to help you. You can go there. Wonderful. Thank

Céline Remy 41:07
you, Rachel. Now, are you ready for our last question? Oh, I can’t wait. We want to know what is your best sexual talents?

Kevin Anthony 41:16
My best sexual talent? Wow, that is a juicy question. So I would have to say I would have to answer that through my partner what he tells me is that okay to answer through him when he always tells, he always says that I should coach people on sex because I’m like a professional. He’s like, you give the best blowjobs. I don’t know how you work that magic with your mouth.

Rachel Fiori 41:41
And the way you move your body is I couldn’t ask for anything better. And I will tell you that that comes from the fact that when I’m intimate with him, my heart is exploded open, and I have sex, and I move through sex through my heart space, not through my genitals. That’s the difference. That’s the secret for me.

Céline Remy 42:05
Awesome.

Céline Remy 42:06
That’s the secret in general. Well, you know, I didn’t set up the sound effects for this episode, because I thought we’re going to have a serious conversation. And now I’m kind of glad actually that I didn’t because I would have been hitting that truth bomb sound effects, like 100 times throughout this episode.

Kevin Anthony 42:26
So I forced myself to be restrained on All right. Well, Rachel, thank you for being on the show. It was a fantastic episode. I sincerely hope that people could really hear and understand some of the really valuable points that were made. So thank you for being here with us.

Rachel Fiori 42:47
Thank you so much for having me. You’re both absolutely wonderful. It was such a pleasure to be here with you. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 42:53
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 43:10
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.Thanks for listening. And remember, you are amazing.