How To Love Yourself And Have Hot Sex After Divorce

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman, single or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Celine Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Amy Edwards 0:28
Alright, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 128. And it is titled How to love yourself and have hot sex after divorce with Amy Edwards now, I think this is a super relevant topic, because so so so many people we know especially around our age and even younger these days, are going through that exact thing where maybe they got married young, it didn’t work out for whatever reason.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
Now they’re suddenly finding themselves in a single land. And depending on how long they were, they were married, they might be like, Whoa, the whole dating game has changed. I don’t know what to do. Who am I? How do I operate in this world? Like there are so many questions about what do you do from that point on?

Kevin Anthony 1:15
And so we’ve got a special guest today who’s going to help us answer some of those questions from her own personal experience. And we’re definitely going to dive in a little bit with, you know, whatever hot sex story she has both before and after.

Céline Remy 1:32
So before I read Amy’s bio, let’s just give him a big shout out to our sponsor’s power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer in the bedroom, or increase your sexual skills, there is going to be something for you at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 1:59
Today we have Amy Edwards, is 48 and is a rock musician, radio personality, author, actress, accountability coach, and both guest host as well as a mom to two girls. Wow, that was a lot of roles there. She’s definitely multitasking and hopefully doing it all well. Amy’s platform is about rocking life to the fullest. And she believes strongly in helping others overcome their fears.

Céline Remy 2:24
In order to reach their goals. She hosts her new show the Amy Edwards show now streaming on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, YouTube, and wherever you get your podcasts. So welcome, Amy to the love podcast.

Amy Edwards 2:38
Oh, thank you so much. And thanks to you both for having me. I’m so excited to be here cuz I love talking about this kind of stuff. So to have this conversation with you.

Kevin Anthony 2:48
Yeah, you know, with that bio, and so many different things that you’ve done, we could do a whole bunch of different podcasts.

Amy Edwards 2:56
I’m, I’m glad you brought that up. Because I believe in being well rounded and going for it in a lot of different ways. And I think that sexuality is a big one that you can lose, especially as a woman as you get older. And as you have children. And I, I have worked to maintain my sexuality and maintain that aspect of myself, because I think it’s so, so important to our humanity to our wholeness to our beingness.

Amy Edwards 3:25
Do you know what I mean? And so, yeah, I have a list of things I do. Sure. But I think that it’s, it’s part of that whole picture of me as a woman, and I want to inspire other people to just go for it in whatever regard. It’s just, it’s, it doesn’t sit well with me when women push aside their sexuality.

Amy Edwards 3:43
And I think that it’s really easy to do, especially after a divorce. Maybe you’re depressed and things like that. And I’ve been through all that. And so, anyway,

Amy Edwards 3:51
we’re going because of a big part of it, going to dig into all of that. And I completely agree with you. By the way, I told the story on the show once before, but I keep it really short. I had an English teacher when I was in high school, who used to brag about her husband all the time.

Kevin Anthony 4:04
And she used to say that he was a renaissance man. By that, she meant that he was good at so many different things. So that well, that idea of being well rounded. I remember being in high school, not being well rounded at the time, thinking, I want to be like that guy I want at someday I want my wife to say that about me. Right? So yeah, I love that idea of being well rounded.

Céline Remy 4:25
And you have reached that.

Amy Edwards 4:26
had that part of its part of being a human right, we’re neglecting other parts of ourselves if we aren’t paying attention to that. I’m in this mastermind group right now. And it’s all about that it’s B, it’s getting yourself fit to serve the world.

Amy Edwards 4:38
But they address it from a physical perspective, mental, emotional, spiritual, financial, you know, it’s like, pay attention to all the aspects and sexuality is just a really big one that can get pushed aside so easily in a relationship or when you’re by yourself.

Céline Remy 4:55
So we want to take you a little bit back there

Kevin Anthony 4:59
and going on a journey. Yeah.

Céline Remy 5:03
So we can use what was your level of self-love early on in your life and during your marriage too. So where were you back then? Because right now you’re rocking it. And you’re awesome. And we love this. But it wasn’t always like that. So let’s go back.

Amy Edwards 5:18
You know, I’m glad you asked because I’ve had a lot of time to reflect this last year on my own progress with myself love. And I have recognized the ways that I have been in a state of unworthiness, and not valuing myself. And the more I work on self-love, the more I value myself, and I cheated in both my marriages, so I had one marriage. So if, you know, the last time I dated was, I was like, 24, before this time, and I got married at 26 until about 32, went straight to another relationship that was a marriage and had another baby.

Amy Edwards 5:58
And so that’s the one I’m coming out of. So it had been over 20 years since I had dated. But even as I reflected on myself love it, I was, I was putting too much value in other people loving me. And I always have, and I think, and I don’t know where that comes from, I really don’t, I’ve done a lot of souls searching on it. And my parents had a good relationship. So I’m not sure if I just put too much value in how I looked, and validation from other people.

Amy Edwards 6:32
I think that I had a friendship in elementary school that I loved her so much. And she hurt me, like in different ways. She just had her own issues. And I think maybe I just searched for validation outside myself and wasn’t really, truly loving myself until this year until I really made the concerted effort to do it. And, and it took some work. And it’s not that hard. It just takes consistent effort, just like anything else. I think it’s a practice, everything is a practice.

Amy Edwards 7:02
And so I really worked to develop that practice and reflecting on both those marriages and cheating. I’ve been I got very curious, I think it’s important to get curious when you have things that you might feel shame or guilt about, or you devalued yourself. Maybe it’s an addiction, maybe it’s cheating. Maybe it’s you know, shame over God knows what you can get curious about why you did those things.

Amy Edwards 7:27
And I got really curious about the cheating in particular, like, what was I searching for? And I’ve realized that I just constantly felt like being in a relationship. I was cutting off other options, but I was really just searching for validation in other ways outside of myself. And it’s not the healthy thing to do.

Kevin Anthony 7:47
Yeah, you know, that’s interesting. I don’t want to go too far down that road. I love what you’re bringing in there. But I would love to do an entire episode on why people cheat. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I would love to talk to you more about that because that’s actually a really deep conversation. But I don’t want to get too far off the track of the topic of a particular one. So neither

Amy Edwards 8:08
it just, it just was my about my own self-love. And so I really haven’t had a chance, to grow in that way.

Amy Edwards 8:16
Yeah. So So what we’ve established is that early on, in your early marriages that you were, you were lacking some self-love, and seeking a lot of external validation. So that kind of leads us into our next question, which is, so how did that manifest in your marriages?

Kevin Anthony 8:31
Like, what were your marriages? Like? Were they happy? Were they fun? Were they tumultuous? Were they up and down? Like, what? What were your relationships, like?

Amy Edwards 8:40
They were very different. The two of them were very different, I think just because of my age, and becoming a mother. And so the first one was really fun. But we were different fundamentally. And once that came out, I knew that that wasn’t where I needed to stay. We were fundamentally different in our political and religious views, because I’m pretty much like a freewheel and hippie, and he is conservative and Catholic, and, and just started to not mix.

Amy Edwards 9:04
And, and, and, you know, I think there’s a self-love aspect in that too. Like, I didn’t pay attention at the beginning of both of those marriages, to some red flags that I knew about, including that one. And then in my second one, he, he drinks a lot, and I knew that and it just, I knew that, that that could be a real problem down the road.

Amy Edwards 9:29
And it was, and yeah, I’ve done a whole podcast about that, as a matter of fact, and just about my own issues with alcohol and substances and how I married somebody that had more of an issue than me, so I looked like the good one.

Amy Edwards 9:46
That’s been an interesting thing to get curious about as well. So they were good. I would say I set a second marriage, you know, sexuality sexually. It was much more open and free, and I really moved into a new space of my own sexuality. And so that was a real plus. But I still had cheating issues, I still had things that came up with my own self-love where I wasn’t really loving myself.

Kevin Anthony 10:11
I love how you are seguaying us right into our next question all along the way so far,

Amy Edwards 10:16
I am trying to stay on topic.

Kevin Anthony 10:20
This is great because you started to talk about sex in the relationship. And the next question literally is what was your sex life? Like, during your marriages? Did you have hot sex? So So sex, a lot of sex, and really no sex? Were you satisfied? Not satisfied?

Amy Edwards 10:34
I am gonna be very candid. And so if you’re one of my ex-husbands just turn this off, right?

Kevin Anthony 10:41
If you’ve ever been for me, or keep it on, and maybe learn something,

Amy Edwards 10:45
um, my first husband, maybe because of his Catholic upbringing, and all that, you know, I guess I didn’t, I was wanting to explore and be more adventurous and he, he wasn’t really willing to go there. I was like, when do you masturbate? Tell me these. And he wouldn’t tell me and I was like, it was frustrating for me, because, I’d missed a sexual person.

Amy Edwards 11:04
And I’m interested and curious. And I want to know what people do. And in my second one, he was super open. And so it started out really hot, really, really good. And I was like, I am alive, this is great. And I’d already had one child. So I think you know, as a mom, you just get caught, you can get kind of in that mom mode. And that’s not, that’s not a sexy place to be. And so I was really excited about that.

Amy Edwards 11:29
And over time, unfortunately, have faded, and it faded a lot to where I felt like that part of me was dying. I was very sad about that, and I didn’t know what to do. And I tried things with our marriage, and it didn’t work. And I, I just thought is this it, you know, and I take pretty good care of myself, I always try to look good. And I was like, I felt like he was telling me that he what he was telling me was, this is all I deserved.

Amy Edwards 11:58
And it was just not even a sexual relationship. It was just, it had just evolved into something. Sad, and I was really sad about it. And for years, I tried, and I don’t want to give him give too many details in there. I don’t want to hurt him or anything. But it just for me was not satisfying in any way. And I don’t know, you know, I think as a woman, do you feel like your beauty might fade, you feel like your body is changing. And I’m like, tick-tock, you know, like, I really want to live my life.

Amy Edwards 12:34
And I ended up having sex with someone else. I was in a band. And like, we were like a cover band, we did fun stuff and get me on stage. And so one of the guys in that band, and I was he was kind of in a place when his own relationship where he wasn’t really happy. So you can see what happened, right? So we had sex one time, and I just felt alive again. And I was like, holy shit, holy shit. This is a whole part of myself, that I am not actualizing right now.

Amy Edwards 13:07
And I, it made me sad. But it also made me happy to rediscover that. And so I knew I had to get out of my marriage or change it in something had to fundamentally change. So I went to him. And I told him, can we live apart for a while because something’s got to change here. And I thought still we might get back together. But things once I said that to him, he took it really hard and was going through his own path and his own growth.

Amy Edwards 13:37
And he just it just didn’t work out. I knew that by like the next day. And then you know, within a couple of months, we separated and I had to file for divorce. And I kept on with that guy for a while. But I was still in a situation where I was not valuing myself because he was cheating too. We were both cheating. And that all came out in a really ugly way down the road.

Amy Edwards 13:58
I learned a lot. But one of the things I really learned was how important sex is to me. And so I knew that whatever relationship I was in again, that’s just a priority, just flat out a priority.

Amy Edwards 14:12
There are so many lessons in what you just said. I mean, I just want to recap a couple of them for the audience, just so people understand and like really hear what she just said. Her marriage started out, as you know, good but hot sex and much better sex than her first marriage. And over time, for whatever reasons which we could delve into. But we don’t really need to at this point. It devolved and became a sexless marriage and after a certain amount of time, right. There was resentment.

Kevin Anthony 14:46
There was also a desire to awaken a part of yourself that was basically dormant and that is what really drove you to the cheating. And so the lesson for people listening is Don’t let your relationship get to that point. Right. So, because the thing is, is, if you’re a sexual being, you know, like we’re singing and I am both very sexual beings too. It’s a huge part of who we are, which is partly why we do the work that we do.

Kevin Anthony 15:11
But the thing is, is if that part of us was forced to be shut down with no other outlet for it, what’s going to happen? It’s good to explode out somewhere at some point, right? And in this case, it happened to explode out with, you know, a bandmate. Right? So it’s, it’s totally understandable and easy to see how that can happen in the context of a relationship.

Amy Edwards 15:32
And you know, what, I don’t really know the key to making sure it doesn’t happen. Because in the beginning, we weren’t tuned in and intimate had an intimacy. And we talked about, okay, let’s always be clear, and communicate with each other. Let’s always keep this but over time, it’s not like it happens overnight. You know, it’s this really gradual thing. So, you know, as I look to other relationships in the future, I’m like, how do I learn? How do I maintain,

Amy Edwards 16:04
you have to work on it all the time, you can never get complacent. It’s like, we make sure that we have a date night, every week, no matter what, there is a date night, there are things that we do to make sure that we never get to that place. And the times when we do get there. We call each other out on it, you know, if it’s been, you know, two weeks or even five days, right, and we’ve only had.

Kevin Anthony 16:27
Well, I was gonna say, and we’ve only had sex once or twice. Usually, that’s like a big red flag for us, you know? And we’re like, yeah, whoa, okay. We’re working too much. We’re too stressed out. Something’s going on here. Talk to me, right.

Céline Remy 16:38
And that’s so good. Yes, you have to listen to episode 100 of the love lab podcast on how to keep the attraction alive in long-term relationship. We talk all about the secret ingredient of polarity. And so yeah, we can help you down the road, Amy.

Amy Edwards 16:55
Bring up one more thing that you talked about, which is, you mentioned that your age was something that was coming into your mind about, oh, I’m getting older, maybe I’m not as attractive as I used to be. And I wanted to say something. It was a conversation I just had this weekend with another male friend of mine. And we’re all about the same age range. He myself, you so we were talking he was asking me a lot about the work that Selena and I do.

Kevin Anthony 17:21
And I was telling him some of the struggles that people have as they get older and how, as they let their bodies go. And we were speaking specifically in regards to men who watch a lot of porn and they watch these beautiful, perfect bodies, and then they look at their spouse, and they’re like, Oh, you know, she doesn’t look like that. Right? Because, you know, she’s twice as old. Right? And, and so many other things have happened. She’s had three kids, you know, she’s twice the age, all blah, all that kind of stuff that happens with age.

Kevin Anthony 17:47
And he actually had a very interesting comment. Because I was I was basically trying to use him and his wife as an example. And his wife, actually, I mean, I’ve known them 15 years now. And she looks basically the same as she did 15 years ago. And so I said, Well, yeah, but look in your particular situation, right? Not a whole lot has changed. So you’re still looking at basically the exact same thing you were looking at 20 years ago, right?

Kevin Anthony 18:14
And his actual, his response to me actually was, Well, yeah, that may be true, he said, but actually, the older she gets he got he said, the more attracted he becomes, he actually said that, that that sort of natural process of aging and changing brings up more things that he finds attractive, there’s something about that, and I totally agreed with him.

Kevin Anthony 18:37
But I was just saying, from clients that we work with, they often say, well, not the same as it used to be. But I wanted to put that out there because I wanted people to know, not just you because you mentioned it, but people listening. There are a lot of men out there, me and my friend who I was talking about included, who actually think that our women get sexier as they get older.

Amy Edwards 19:03
Yes. And we do because we grow into ourselves more. And there’s a lot of appeal to that. So I mean, I definitely feel a lot more confident and sexier. And all those things than I did 10 years ago.

Amy Edwards 19:16
Confidence is very sexy.

Céline Remy 19:18
Yes. And it’s funny because earlier you mentioned like you didn’t know if it was your second marriage, and you were, you know, in your 30s. So you felt better. And I can totally relate. I think as women we just mature in our sexuality, like, the more that we age, the more comfortable we feel to ask for what we want. We know how our body operates. It doesn’t always take as much time it’s more fun, we, we don’t have inhibitions.

Céline Remy 19:41
We’re like, whatever you know, and it’s like because you let go you enjoy yourself more and then the experience gets better. So I do have to say to that, I’ve experienced that too, that as I’m getting older, my sex is getting better but I’m also loving myself differently and that makes a big difference because I’m not ashamed anymore be like,

Céline Remy 20:00
Oh my gosh, he’s gonna see how my labia look, because they’re not like, Oh no, like, oh, there’s this I’ve got hair like, I couldn’t care less anymore. I’m like, this is what you’re getting. And I’m freaking awesome, you know.

Amy Edwards 20:15
And the more that ties back into self-love, the more that you move to the more you’re like, I’ve got it going on.

Kevin Anthony 20:21
Oh, my, you are like the queen of segueys. Okay, so than literally the next question. Yeah,

Amy Edwards 20:27
I felt that one.

Amy Edwards 20:30
The next question is I’m actually skipping one, which is even funnier, right? Because I was gonna skip a question and go to this one, and you set us up perfectly for it. So you know, we kind of established what things were like before. Now I really want to get into like, what are you doing now?

Kevin Anthony 20:43
And so the next question is, what was the first thing you did to love yourself after your failed marriages, so you, the marriages didn’t work out? Do you realize that you needed to up the self-love? What did you do?

Amy Edwards 20:53
I got depressed and fell apart. That was the first thing I did. Yeah. So I, you know, I really just got on a journey of myself. And I didn’t quite see that that’s what it was at first. But I just kept delving into what are all these things I’m feeling and how can I get better. And I, I am pretty candid about my use of psychedelics. I’ve been on a psychedelic journey as well, for the last couple of years.

Amy Edwards 21:20
So it’ll be almost three years in January since January 2021 is almost three years since that, that I had that conversation, let’s live apart. And so the divorce was just complete in October. So it was a very long process. And I had a real progression, overall of this self-love. And I had to go from feeling like I need someone. And I mean, I fell in love with that guitar player, drummer, guitar player guy from my band, you know, and it was not a healthy love at all. It was dark and not coming from a place where I loved myself.

Amy Edwards 22:00
And so I had to go through that and I had to fall apart. And I had to have my heartbroken and like a bunch of different ways. And I did something called Five Meo DMT. Are you familiar with that? Yeah, Bufo. And so I did that two years ago in December of 2018. So that 2018 was a very dark year, I also got sick because I got this horrible sinus thing. So I kept losing my voice and it was tied. And you know, I’m so I use my voice for that list that you said, that’s my voice. That’s what I do.

Amy Edwards 22:31
And so it was debilitating for me and just added an extra layer of just depression. And I, I felt like, I just didn’t know who I was. And I needed to heal in all these different ways. And it was my throat chakra was just blocked. And I had, I hadn’t spoken my truth I hadn’t. I hadn’t been truthful to myself. And over the next year 2019, I started to come out of that buffo experience that was so powerful, I really began to heal. And I was so surprised.

Amy Edwards 23:06
And suddenly, my higher self gave me some gifts. And I had a pretty intense reactivation of the buffo a few months out of that, and I suddenly became a vegan, I suddenly stopped smoking, I suddenly just quit drinking coffee, really random shit that I didn’t see coming. And I was just realizing that I was stepping into my own value.

Amy Edwards 23:31
And at that point, I really started meditating. I started doing those practices that we all know we should do, but we don’t always do. I’m like meditation and just slowly and just incorporating more things into my life that I knew were healthy. And by the time I got to 2020 this the beginning of this year, I had a really into I did I was last December, and then a mushroom journey in January.

Amy Edwards 23:57
And those really helped shift some patterns in my brain because I tend to ruminate, and I tend to get in a track in my brain that I can’t fucking get out of like a broken fucking record, like, you suck, you’re never gonna meet anybody, you know, you’re getting old, you know, no one’s gonna want you just bullshit that we think. And this helps really reset my brain patterns.

Amy Edwards 24:23
And I also ended up doing some ketamine infusion therapy this year as well, which really changed my brain, and those conjoined with the practices that just general daily practices that I do to love myself really came together and especially with the pandemic too. So this year, I entered a new phase where I was by myself I had dated, but the dating progression was not good. I was still putting validation on Do they like me? What can I do?

Amy Edwards 24:56
And I was forcing it into what I think I thought it should look like fell in love with someone who I was forcing him into some way that I thought it needed it to be. And I got my feelings really hurt by him at the beginning of the year, and my worthiness just went dipped way down. And so doing all these things, I knew something had to change because I didn’t want to feel like this.

Amy Edwards 25:24
So at the beginning of the pandemic, I looked at myself, and I’m like, well, this is it, you may just have you. What if you just have you? What if you? What if it’s just you? And I was like, Well, okay, what if it is? Well, then I better have a damn good hot sex relationship with myself incorporation with the rest of this, right. And I better love myself, like fucking crazy. So that was the path I embarked on. And,

Amy Edwards 25:52
sorry, that is a very powerful moment, right? Because, you mentioned the use of different substances, and they can absolutely have value. I mean, they’re even testing some of this now, and in working with soldiers with PTSD and all that, so we know that they have value. I would also say to anybody listening, that that’s only one path, that there are many different ways that you could achieve that.

Kevin Anthony 26:12
But one of the things that it eventually did was bring you back to yourself and realize that you didn’t, you’re no longer needed to seek externally, that validation. And it’s funny because I had a similar journey before Selena and I got together where I had a bunch of, you know, relationships, three years, five years, four years, whatever. And each one ended up failing at the end of the last one.

Kevin Anthony 26:37
I just literally said to myself, I’m done. Like, I’m done. Like, I really don’t care anymore. I’m not even gonna look for a girlfriend, I’m just gonna do my thing. I’m gonna just play music, do whatever I do, and just enjoy myself. And then of course, what happens, right? And so yeah, it’s that idea of really coming back to yourself and being okay, being with just yourself that I think that actually makes you more attractive to other people.

Amy Edwards 27:07
It hands down does and you’re right, those things that I did are just tools, they are just tools, if someone needs them, there are many other types of tools there are as meditation, there is breathwork, which is extremely powerful. There’s an there’s just music, you turn to a creative outlet, which is beautiful. So there are all different types of things that you can do to tune back into yourself. I use these tools.

Amy Edwards 27:35
But you’re right, it brought me right back to myself, and I really just sat down and was like, fine, then fine, then I’ll just love myself. Great. So I dove straight into that, and especially with the pandemic because I was just here by myself, you know, so I was like, Okay, I’ll not drink I’ll, because a lot of people, you know, did drink a lot during the pandemic.

Amy Edwards 27:59
And I was like, my kids don’t really like it when I drink. And I’m like, I don’t need it right now. So I just got healthy, I ate healthily, I lost weight, I just devised how to exercise at home. And I just, I just started treating myself with a lot of value. And I’m really into Go ahead.

Céline Remy 28:17
Okay, so I want to come back into this journey and raising your value and the steps you’ve taken because now we’re getting really into some really good meat here. And But before that, we’re just going to give a quick little break to our sponsor on it. And we’re going to tell you all about, you know, those times when you’re in to use so much into what you’re doing that you can’t think about anything else, right?

Céline Remy 28:41
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Céline Remy 29:02
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Kevin Anthony 29:26
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Céline Remy 29:27
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Céline Remy 29:50
Okay, so

Amy Edwards 29:53
I might as well just tack on to that really quick on it is Aubrey Marcus’s, of course, and Aubrey Marcus is that’s the master Mind that I’m in now is fit for service, which is also led by Aubrey Marcus, which is amazing. So I just want to just give a shout out to that, because it’s really changed my life. So

Kevin Anthony 30:10
wonderful.

Céline Remy 30:10
And Onnit is a great company, we use the products. This is why we advertising them. They have Good stuff, good. Good ethics. So yeah, I’m out. Okay, so I want to say one thing that you said was when we asked you what was the first thing you did? You said I got depressed. And I went down. And I love that answer. Because a lot of people think that it has to be rosy that all a sudden you had an epiphany and your world got perfect.

Céline Remy 30:39
And you gave yourself permission to go down that path of being uncomfortable, but learning to be okay with that we talk a lot about being comfortable with the uncomfortable with the discomfort. And I think when you stopped running away, and you started to feel things, you no longer there needed to get the outside things that you would use maybe drinking or eating unhealthy to numb things out, you started to feel things and that probably led you to feel more comfortable cutting those out of your life and making the healthy choice.

Céline Remy 31:11
Because you finally gave a voice to yourself to how you start to feel you didn’t you stopped fighting that. I can’t feel that this is dark. This is not good. And I think I mean, that might be one of the biggest mistake people do they don’t feel really what’s really going on. And I was curious, in your opinion, what do you think is the biggest mistake people make after a divorce?

Amy Edwards 31:34
Oh, wow. Well, yes, you know, and I’ve been on a real path of that. Just recently, too, I read a book called existential kink, you guys have probably read that book, if you read it?

Céline Remy 31:43
No.

Amy Edwards 31:46
it’s so good. And it but it’s all about, you know, loving the dark parts to and allowing them to be out. And that’s some like back then I didn’t realize I’m about letting it out. Right letting the darkness out and sitting with it. And, and, and allowing it in a certain way. But she even takes it further. Like, can you love it and get off on it. And, and it loses its power over you at that point.

Amy Edwards 32:13
So the biggest mistake that people make after divorce has got to be just not focusing on loving yourself, just like you said, you know, when the relationships don’t work, just say, I’m going to just focus on me, I’m going to really do the work on myself and be in this space with myself. And it’s just so easy, so easy to fall into those traps of other relationships and dating and moving too fast and working.

Amy Edwards 32:39
And then I got to do them, you know, whatever the hell it is, rather than just slowing down for a minute. And being like, what really makes me happy. And then you get a lot more perspective on the mate that you’re looking for. You know, and he gave me, I took I started a list about a year and a half ago as I was dating of the type of person I really wanted and a Frankenstein list of the people I had dated.

Amy Edwards 33:01
And I was like, Okay, I’ll take this from him. I’ll take this from him, I’ve got the whole list on my phone. And, you know, I just tweaked it over time. And as I learned more about myself, I was like, Oh, I really do want someone that’s empathetic, I really do want someone that knows how to take a good picture or, you know, just whatever it can be little things and big things.

Amy Edwards 33:19
And, and, you know, I just thought maybe this exists, maybe it doesn’t, but at least it gives me a lot more clarity, and doesn’t let me settle for something that because I’m worth this list. And I even took that list further. I even wrote, okay, this dream person that I’m dreaming up Who’s he with? And so I started a list of myself,

Amy Edwards 33:42
who is he with what kind of a woman and I was like, that’s the kind of woman I want to be that fucking goddess Queen right there? And, and there’s everything on the list, you know, everything from business success, and what I’m like there too, you know, giving amazing blowjobs of whatever the fuck. And so, you know, it really gave me a chance to focus on myself in that regard, rather than just putting it externally.

Amy Edwards 34:05
And once you can become that person, suddenly things will fall into place. And I’m saying this from a point of when you and I booked this when you guys and I booked this podcast, I was single. And I was like, this is where I am. This is it. And right after that this person manifested in my life, and I’m still in shock, you know, and now I’m having sex and amazing sex and like, like, wow, you know, I didn’t see that coming whatsoever. Okay,

Amy Edwards 34:32
I’m gonna ask about that amazing sex in a moment. But great. I want to say, I actually did the exact same thing. I made a list and I had everything on the list. And it’s funny because I think I showed you the list at some point, maybe in the beginning of our relationship, but every once in a while, you know, like, she’ll do something cool.

Kevin Anthony 34:49
And she’ll have some like, cool, you know, trade or something that happens to come up and she’ll go, was that on your list? So we talk about the list all the time, but I love what you did. You actually took Get a step further than what I did. This is straight-up from business mastermind type of stuff, right? Because when you’re doing a business mastermind, and you’re, you’re creating your client avatar, right?

Kevin Anthony 35:10
And you’re trying to figure out who do you have to be to meet that client avatar, right? But you did the same thing in your personal life, which is something that I don’t think a lot of people do. I didn’t do this. When I made my list. I didn’t go, who do I have to be to step up to find the person who meets that list? But it’s a fantastic idea.

Céline Remy 35:28
Well, Kevin, had you worked with me, I would have got, like, take you for that practice. This is the number one thing I have every client who’s like, I want to have this girl, she needs to have this and that and I’m like, Okay, so what kind of man or woman like with that person date. And then like they get those are less and like, not be that person. That’s why

Kevin Anthony 35:46
I wanted to reinforce it. Because now that’s what we do with evil. But a lot of people never think about that. Because I’m saying but you know, back those years back, I didn’t think about that either.

Amy Edwards 35:57
It never really occurred to me. But the more work I did just studying myself studying how to be if I want a high value, man, I have to be a high-value person myself. And so it was interesting. And you know, I have I fully actualize that list. Not quite yet.

Amy Edwards 36:18
I say that because I’m thinking of money in particular, you know, like, Am I making the money that I imagined that person on that list yet? That’s this whole other conversation about its wealth and knowledge, you know, not a lack mindset. But anyway, another conversation, but yes, it’s so cool to do I recommend people do that. Absolutely. And, and just taking time, just taking time after a divorce.

Kevin Anthony 36:42
Okay, so now, you’ve done all of this workaround self-love. Yeah, manifested this new person in your life? What is sex life give us the juicy details, tell us to tell everybody listening, what they can expect once they’ve done the work?

Amy Edwards 36:58
Well, I’m gonna back up just a little bit. That’s a little bit but we’ll get to that. I want to say how my progression went through the pandemic sex-wise. So I knew that this was all I had, right? This is this is it? And so I thought, well, if I’m going to have hot, hot sex with myself, what’s that going to be like? And so I really tapped into that, and with masturbation, and I got really in touch with my own body and my own self, and I just learned to love it, and get off on it.

Amy Edwards 37:31
And rather than masturbate, thinking of images, or looking at porn, I just really, really tuned in to the sensations in my body. And like, I mean, I have all the time I needed that right? away, they’re in bed for two hours or whatever, or an hour, you know, however long it takes, just really like honing in on how my body feels. And that was really cool. I had never taken the time to do that. I don’t, I don’t think No, I hadn’t.

Amy Edwards 38:00
And I’m sure a lot of women do that, I think but, um, you know, with breathwork, and just with everything, and I started even to, and this is a sex magic thing I’ve learned now I was just naturally doing it. Because I’m really into like magic. And Alicia,

Kevin Anthony 38:16
we did a whole episode on that.

Amy Edwards 38:19
I love it. And so, yeah, so I, um, you know, just started naturally, like, thinking about a certain affirmation, I was going to say earlier on and affirming things and affirmations. And so, you know, I would just get fixated on one thing, whatever it was, like I am loved or, you know, whatever you want to manifest money flows to me, that’s okay.

Amy Edwards 38:40
Do it about money, who fucking cares? And, and I would just really tune in with how I felt. And think about that. And so that got really just great. And I was just like, I’m, I’m great with this, you know, and you can really satisfy yourself and I just really forced myself to go What if you never get another deck in your life or something? You know, what if and, and I’d like a good solid five months with no buddy else. And that was

Kevin Anthony 39:11
No dick. That’s terrible.

Amy Edwards 39:12
It was a long, long time. For me. I think the longest I’ve gone since I started having sex at 15. So, that was such a cool thing to explore. I mean, if we’re gonna be candid about it, I just, I remember one time or two times, really, I even like put on like a fucking hot like lingerie thing. And just did it in front of a mirror. And I was like, okay, and, and I think those are just great things to explore. Like, just fucking go for it with yourself. Like, why not?

Amy Edwards 39:44
And, um, and so now this has led me to be a lot more in touch with myself in the sexual relationship that I’m in now and more than a sexual relationship love relationship. Like it’s happened very, very quickly and it happened. I was on a retreat for the Aubrey Marcus fit for Service Group and in October and it just so happened we did a lot of divine masculine and feminine work that particular day with Stefanos and Christy, I don’t know if you’ve heard of them, they’re incredible.

Amy Edwards 40:16
And we took a break, we did powerful work where men had to bow at our feet. And it brought all the women and the men to tears because it made us face our own value. And that same day, my divorce was final, I checked my phone, and I was shocked. I was like, Whoa, and after we did that powerful work, we did some other exercises, too, that was just exceptionally powerful. And I, I responded to my ex-husband, because he said the divorce is final.

Amy Edwards 40:50
And I responded. And I said I love you. And I wish you so many good things for your life. And I was just shocked at myself. I was like, holy shit, I don’t think I would have replied that yesterday, you know? And, and he replied it back. And I just thought, what a step forward, because two years before that, we were having things like supervised visitation and dark, dark things.

Amy Edwards 41:13
And I mean, just, if you continue to work on yourself, it will manifest in ways that you don’t even see coming, and you will find a piece in your heart and a piece of yourself. And that is where I reached. And that day was just an extremely powerful day, October 16. And I also connected with this man there. And I kind of I was just I felt something and I was like, Huh. And then about a month later, he rolled into town to do all these podcasts, but then did mine as well.

Amy Edwards 41:41
The Amy Edwards show a quick plug. And, and. And just from that moment, I knew something was there. And we went out after the podcast just to get a bite to eat. And then it just took off from there. And now this sexual relationship is more open and more loving and more adventurous. And he’s better than the list. He’s everything on the list. But better. And I’m sure you are to write his list. And um, yes, right, you make the list. But then suddenly, you’re like,

Amy Edwards 42:16
holy shit, this is better than the list. How is that possible? universe? Show me more. Right? And so what specifically Would you like to know like soup when I was running late for this podcast? Because I couldn’t we couldn’t seem to get out of bed.

Kevin Anthony 42:34
I would love to know more about that. But we don’t have time for it today. But

Céline Remy 42:37
what we will ask you is our very last question that we ask all of our guests, what is your best sexual talent? Oh,

Amy Edwards 42:46
wow, my best sexual talent? Oh, god, that’s a really tough question. Let me think for a moment.

Kevin Anthony 42:50
many to choose from.

Céline Remy 42:55
After five months of self-pleasuring, and knowing her body, she’s discovered so many more things. And now she knows how to tune into her partner and can take him to higher levels. So

Amy Edwards 43:04
yeah, true. It’s true. And you know, I mean, I don’t even think he would be able to answer the question. I, well, first of all, I’m just surprised at, like, my own growth in sexuality, and that there are still things to learn and explore and do and how wonderful that is. And, like, I’m curious to explore it with one partner without looking outside for validation and what that can bring to your life as I’m sure you to know. And, and I just haven’t really had that.

Amy Edwards 43:38
So we’ve talked about that. And sex-wise, it’s so hard because right now I’m feeling so in tune with my partner, you know, it’s not like a dating thing where you just hook up. And I think tuning into myself is probably a really good sexual talent and being able to really love the moment. I’m going to go with the presence at the moment. Now I’m going to go with presence in the moment because I’ve just recently been discovering that it’s not about being goal-oriented.

Amy Edwards 44:11
It’s not about the orgasm, it’s not about the end. Really get present. Really get present. And like you said, getting in touch with my body and just those sensations and not making it about an end goal, and orgasm and achieving orgasm. I don’t even like that phrase achieve orgasm, it’s like oh my god, I have to achieve it.

Céline Remy 44:31
Ah, much work

Amy Edwards 44:37
I am getting an Award at the end? Presence.

Kevin Anthony 44:39
So what you’re describing the presence being present, also, that is a master skill. And that is sort of the, what we would call the mastery side of being a great lover that we teach all of that stuff. We’ve done lots of episodes. We’ve covered all of those topics before so

Amy Edwards 44:57
so did I just achieved it did I just win?

Amy Edwards 44:59
If you did, I would just tell our listeners that if you want to know more about what she’s talking about there go find those past episodes because we really broke that down. And like, really? What does it mean to be president and relationship? Why is it so important? How do you do it all that kind of stuff? It is a beautiful skill.

Kevin Anthony 45:18
And it is, like I said, sort of a mastery skill, right? So like, I don’t know, if you ever achieved your dream of being really good at blow jobs or not, as you mentioned earlier, great at it.

Amy Edwards 45:30
Can you stay present?

Kevin Anthony 45:35
watching the video, there’s a little simulation that I got to help

Amy Edwards 45:39
you stay present, right? You’re not like, oh, I’m ready for this to be over, or whatever you’re like, really love what you’re doing. I love what you’re doing and love the moment because this is all we fucking got this moment right here.

Céline Remy 45:53
Amy, this has been amazing, great communication. tell our listeners how they can get more of you and listen to more of your stories. And yeah, where can they find a hold of you?

Amy Edwards 46:04
Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I have a brand new show called The Amy Edwards show. And it is all about rocking life-transforming life, the most efficient way possible. Because I’m we’re all busy, right? So just develop these practices with me to tune in.

Amy Edwards 46:21
I have amazing, amazing guests and talk about something different that we can hone in on every single week. And you can find anything you need at AmyEdwards.com or find me on IG @ real Amy Edwards. I’d love to connect.

Céline Remy 46:34
Awesome. Awesome. Yeah, thank you so much. And we’ll put all the links in the description, as always. Thank you.

Amy Edwards 46:40
Thank you. And I just want to say thank you too, for all that you put out there in the world. You guys this is such valuable messaging and just modeling it with your own relationship is really powerful and inspiring. So thank you, and thank you for having me on.

Amy Edwards 46:54
You’re welcome. Thanks for coming on the show. There’s so much more we could talk about so many more fun stories, I’m sure but we are way out of time. So everybody, thanks for listening and we will see you next week.

Kevin Anthony 47:12
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 47:20
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault. Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing