How Hormones Affect Your Relationship And What You Can Do About It

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab Podcast, a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman single or couple, this is the show for you. Because well, sex matters. We are your hosts Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
All right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 82. And it is titled… “How hormones affect your relationship and what you can do about it?”. Okay, so this is going to be a very interesting episode. This is something that comes up a lot in the work that we do. It’s also something that we’ve been reading and studying about a lot over the years also.

Kevin Anthony 0:50
Now, before we jump into that, I do want to state we are not experts in hormones. We’re not doctors. We’re not Ph.D. scientists studying this in the lab. So, you know, take some of it with a grain of salt because what we’re going to do is we’re going to present to you information from people who are professionals who do study this for a living. We’re going to tell you what our own observations are both with ourselves and with clients that we work with.

Kevin Anthony 1:22
And then you can kind of draw the conclusions for yourself. So we’re gonna have some really great information and we’ve got a lot of notes to share with you. And it’ll still be only scratching the surface of this topic because it’s deep.

Céline Remy 1:35
Yeah, when you were preparing it, I was like, I don’t think we need like three episodes or like a whole class. I mean, there is so much and when you start on the road to balancing hormones, understanding hormones, there’s a lot of little tweaks and changes and when you do it naturally, it’s something that takes a little bit of time.

Céline Remy 1:54
So also know that this is not a quick-fix solution, but what this will help you with is to understand a little bit more of the behavior. So today we’re going to focus a little bit more on the female side and female hormones. But please notice that hormones are happening in both males and females.

Céline Remy 2:14
And that while they are different in what’s happening and which ones are really playing in, like the levels of the most likely as what’s different because a lot of hormones are similar. It still affects both it

Kevin Anthony 2:28
Yeah, we’ll talk a little bit more about that. So have a great quote to, to read from a UCLA, Ph.D. who studies this and her take on exactly what you just said. So we’ll get into that.

Céline Remy 2:41
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Kevin Anthony 3:09
Okay, so before we really dive right into all this hormone stuff, everybody’s heard of hormones, everybody basically has some understanding of what they are. But just so that we’re 100% clear on what hormones are, I just want to read to you the dictionary definition of what is a hormone. So hormones are a class of signaling molecules that exist in all multi-celled organisms and in humans include commonly known examples like melatonin, testosterone, and cortisol. Obviously, that’s a very short list because there’s a whole bunch more.

Kevin Anthony 3:45
So hormones are silent drivers of behavior and personality. That’s key. Remember that because this is a lot of what we’re going to be talking about. So hormones are silent drivers of behavior and personality and the molecular fingerprints are on Everything from attraction to appetite. Basically all of our behaviors. Decades of biological and psychological research have found that certain hormones are associated with specific traits and behaviors.

Kevin Anthony 4:11
But in reality, the human endocrine system is so complex, that the same chemical may behave radically different from person to person. Okay, so and I believe I got that I forgot to write it down. I got that from psychology today. So that’s, that’s their explanation of what hormones are. But the point I wanted to really make by bringing that up.

Kevin Anthony 4:35
One is, you know, the first bit is, you know, tells you what a hormone is. But the second bit is, I don’t think a lot of people think so much about how much of their behavior and the things they do on a regular basis, day to day are actually not their own choices and decisions but dictated by their hormones.

Céline Remy 4:58
And I think how appropriate the Cuz I’m kind of grumpy today. I am about to bleed. So I know what’s happening right there in my body.

Kevin Anthony 5:10
That’s one of the keys, right? That’s why we want to have this conversation in the love lab today because most people don’t realize how much of their day to day behavior is actually driven by their hormones. And if they did, if they truly understood that, then they might make different decisions. And so the whole point of the title is like how the hormones affect your relationship.

Kevin Anthony 5:31
But what if, in your relationship, you understood that your wife was about to bleed in a day or so and that she’s grumpy because the hormones are changing? Might you approach her differently knowing that then you would if you just thought she’s just being a fucking bitch today? She just got damn grumpy and you know what? Fuck that like, right?

Céline Remy 5:55
I’m gonna mirror grumpiness back at her which is absolutely not going to help

Kevin Anthony 5:59
It’s like the worst thing. You can do and also for you,

Céline Remy 6:01
if you’re the one knowing your cycle, it makes a lot of sense because then you don’t take things personally, you’re not blaming it on Mercury Retrograde or the latest Facebook post because it really doesn’t matter. Like it’s something outside of yourself. Because really, it’s all about your hormonal balance and your ecology within yourself.

Céline Remy 6:19
So I know that right nights like shifting and changing and it’s like this moment before the bleeding where there’s an explosion that needs to happen. So I think a few deep breaths, I increased my self-care and that’s how I can make it for the day without having any murders. The only blowout should be the one in my panties at the end of the day.

Kevin Anthony 6:47
Well, for the most part, Yes, that’s true. Okay, so you started something to talk about the fact that we would be talking mostly about women’s hormones and that might bother some people that why are they only talking about women? Men have hormones too? Yes, that is absolutely true. And I put this I want to just read this short paragraph to you. This comes from a UCLA Ph.D. evolutionary scientist named Marty Hazelton.

Kevin Anthony 7:19
She studies this in her lab. And she was asked in an interview, the question you say that some people, including women, have pushed back against discussing the influence of hormones. Why is that? So? When you start having these discussions about hormones and how they affect things and instantly triggers some people and they’re like, No, no, no, it’s not hormones. So here’s her answer to that.

She says I get a strong sense that if you ascribe a women’s behavior to biology, people will automatically think that women are automatons driven by their hormones and unable to regulate their own behavior.

Kevin Anthony 7:55
That is false. There is a female stereotype whereby anytime we woman does something a little bit difficult to understand than it is hormones that make women irrational. But nobody says that about men. For that reason, those who are concerned about women achieving equality with men worry that if we talk about women and hormones, then people will say such things as women shouldn’t hold higher office and so on.

Kevin Anthony 8:19
That’s silly, because men have hormones, too. And the last part and this is kind of the key part for me when I read it, is, our hormones Don’t make us crazy. They don’t make us a rational, they nudge us. And to the extent that we understand what those hormonal nudges are, we can exploit them.

Kevin Anthony 8:36
And that’s what I really wanted to talk about in this episode. It’s understanding the nudges that we’re getting from our biology enough that we can then exploit sounds like a bad word, but what it really means is learn how to work with them,

Céline Remy 8:51
Rather than fight against…

Kevin Anthony 8:53
Rather than fight against them.

Céline Remy 8:54
Exactly. I’ll go against the flow, which makes things harder and so it’s like okay, accepting where you are. And then listening, listening deeply to what the messages are. Because ultimately, I know if you remember our episodes, your new vagina is talking, are you listening? It’s all the same anything from your body is always there to show you what your body needs, ultimately, little things, little adjustments that you can make.

Céline Remy 9:20
And so if you feel a little bit grumpy or tired, it’s because you need some downtime, you need less responsibility. And so creating your life and at least space because maybe you do have a nine to five job and you have kids and you have responsibility we all do. But at least create a window in your day where you have a half-hour for that unwinding to happen you have like whatever it is 20 minutes, half-hour an hour, that create those times for you to listen and act on what your body needs.

Kevin Anthony 9:55
Yeah, and at the end of this podcast, we will give you a list of things that you can do to help regulate your hormones. We’ll get there towards the end. But first, let’s just talk a little bit more about the effects of hormones. And oh, and I wanted to just say one last thing to we’ve kind of already covered why we’re talking primarily about women.

Kevin Anthony 10:14
But yes, men have hormones. Yes, men have fluctuation in hormones. There are studies that show that men’s testosterone levels are higher first thing in the morning, and they decline as the day goes on to that can account for different changes in behavior. But they do tend just by the very nature of being men to be a bit more stable, and therefore, that’s why we talk about them less. These is just fewer fluctuations going on there.

Céline Remy 10:41
But I think also men need to understand what a woman goes through because and we’ll talk a lot about that too, is that what can you do to help your wife, your girlfriend, your partner, like when she’s going through like once you understand that there’s a pattern here, it makes things so much easier and you can become much more successful in supporting her and creating safe for her and in helping like with her sex drive.

Céline Remy 11:03
Which in turn will make you feel so much more successful and will help to pump up your own testosterone level which makes you feel like a guy and give you good energy and boners. So, I want to talk about a study that okay, the source is cosmopolitan. So okay, let’s be real. It’s not the greatest source in the world. But in that study, they found that 57% of women prefer Facebook to sex.

Kevin Anthony 11:30
Yeah, so they did a poll. Right? Exactly. People.

Céline Remy 11:35
I’d have thought that it was really scary. And I just had this conversation with a client of mine, where she was explaining to me that she, it doesn’t matter to her whether she’s watching TV and snuggling or having sex with her boyfriend, it gives her the same.

Céline Remy 11:50
And as she was talking, I was thinking, Well, I mean, it’s really not the same. Like as much as I love watching a movie and cuddling on the couch with Kevin having sex with Kevin Gives me a way different set of reactions in my body and feeling afterward then after we watch a movie.

Kevin Anthony 12:06
So what that tells us is is that that 57% is not having good sex,

Céline Remy 12:12
Also that 57% is hormonally imbalanced. In this society, it’s really easy because we are constantly bombarded with chemicals with things that would have X in our, in our hormones and our bodies. So we have to become extremely vigilant.

One of the first places where we start to become out of balance and disconnected with our hormonal system is through contraception and was specifically with the pill or any device that will give you hormones directly into your body because nowadays, you can have patches or IUDs with hormones or anything that supplies hormones.

Céline Remy 12:50
What most people don’t realize is that basically what it does is that it suppresses your body’s natural cycle is basically kind of tells your body like you’re on a pregnant mode forever. So that it doesn’t get pregnant because it’s already thinking it is pregnant, and it’s tracking everything. And so you’re not going through the same cycle and hormones that go in and out like in during a month’s time.

Céline Remy 13:21
Now, the pill has a lot of different side effects that a lot of women are very familiar about, like depression, block cards and weight gain, which lowers your sex drive so many different things, you know. And one thing that people don’t always realize, too, is that the type of pill that you on can dictate whoever you’re more likely to want to have sex with your partner, or other people.

Kevin Anthony 13:47
Yeah, that that was something also that Marty the researcher I mentioned earlier, also talked about which is that certain types of pills, because there are different types of pills out there. Imagine most women will be familiar with that. And depending on which one you are, it might make you more prone to do one or the other.

Kevin Anthony 14:06
So for instance, Marty says, In the US, the predominant formulation is the combined bill that might put women more in an Austrian state, whereby they are more interested in sexually attractive characteristics. So if their partners are not as sexual, sexually attractive as potential alternatives, they might look around a little bit more, whereas women who are on more progesterone heavy formulations might be more in the extended sexuality mode.

Kevin Anthony 14:33
And so they are particularly interested in having sex with their partners. And then she says, Why do we have sex when we are not fertile in the first place? Perhaps it’s because it shows up investment from partner So interestingly enough, right? Whether or not you’re more attracted to having sex with people other than your partner, or your partner has a lot to do with the actual hormones going through your body at that moment, and obviously the different types of hormone formulations in the pill can influence that?

Céline Remy 15:01
Yeah, it’s fascinating. Now, something that most people don’t know about is that also the bill can really hinder your love life. What it does is that it messes up with your sense of smell. Basically, it makes you more attracted to people who are wrong for you romantically. Of course, it can also suppress your sex drive, but that thing around the smell, this has happened to a lot of people where they were married for many years, or they were dating somebody.

Céline Remy 15:30
Then they decided to be off their birth control, whoever is because they wanted to get pregnant or they took their relationship to the next level, and we’re just like, okay with that, and all of a sudden, the woman just doesn’t feel the same attraction towards the partner. I was reading this story of this woman who said she had been married for 20 years. Well, basically probably like she got off the pill and because she was going through menopause or anything, and she said, as soon as she got off the pill She hated the way her husband smell like she could not stomach it.

Céline Remy 16:04
And then what she realized after that is she never had really good sex. And she kept thinking something was wrong with her because you know, but what was happening, which, in hindsight, she figured out is she was having sex with the wrong person. Once she stopped the pill, and she was able to choose mates that were more aligned with where she was at and who she was, suddenly sex became much better.

Kevin Anthony 16:28
Yeah, now, this is an interesting thing where some of the modern science and our own observations start to diverge a little bit, because according to Dr. Hazleton, Marty, again, you know, she doesn’t really believe that going on or off the pill would really influence you whether or not you’re still attracted to your partner. However, we have personally seen it with friends and clients and we have read numerous accounts from other people who say the opposite So I don’t think modern science is ready to admit this yet.

Kevin Anthony 17:05
Like a lot of things, they’re not ready to admit. But that doesn’t make it not true. So it has been our experience that that can happen doesn’t mean it’s always going to happen, doesn’t mean that if you’re on the pill, and you’ve been with this person all your life that if you go off, you’re certainly going to hate them. It doesn’t mean that at all. But it does mean that that’s possible.

Kevin Anthony 17:24
You know, another thing that they were talking about when we were researching this, because you’re talking about the smell, right? And how that smells change based on, you know, the being on the pill or not how that affects your hormones. They were also saying that other things that affect your body smell can confuse your choices when it comes to picking the right partner to Mm-hmm. So these hormones, you know, enemy pheromones. Exactly right? You’ve heard of pheromones, right? And so these pheromones are supposed to create certain desires in the opposite sex.

Kevin Anthony 18:00
But with all of the products that we use nowadays, you know, whether it’s your body lotion, your shampoo, your so your makeup, your deodorant, I mean, the list is like a mile long, your fabrics, detergent, all of this stuff is actually covering over your natural pheromones so that people can’t smell them. And it’s subconscious, you know, it’s not like you’re, you’re like, I smell your pheromones, but, but those signals that help you actually choose a partner that’s right for you are being totally blocked out by all of this other stuff.

Kevin Anthony 18:32
And I want to say we’re not 100% against the pill. We’re not like trying to make the pill a bad thing here. But I have personally been in relationships with numerous women who were on the pill who had no idea that this kind of stuff was happening to them as a result, and it’s not something that doctors who prescribe this really tell you. In fact, most of the time if you have irregular periods and you go to the doctor and they just say I would just put you on the pillow Get everything all regulated out

Céline Remy 19:01
It will clear out your skin. And then when you want to get pregnant, you get off we just put you on hormone control for like the day you go into puberty until you like, no more bleeding.

Kevin Anthony 19:12
Yeah, I think what we really wanted to share in this show was just to make people aware that while some of those things are true, there are some unintended consequences as a result that are rarely ever talked about.

Céline Remy 19:25
And so make an informed decision. Like, like whatever you choose, make it from a place of being empowered and knowing the side effects and what it does for you. And then that’s really what matters.

Kevin Anthony 19:38
Okay, so this next part I’m going to lean heavily on you for which is okay, so all of this talk about hormones and how they affect us. What we really want to get from this is we want to understand how the hormones work so that as you know, Dr. Marty said we can learn to exploit them. And all that simply means is like I said earlier, we can learn how to work with them rather than fighting against them.

Kevin Anthony 20:06
And so what I thought would be really helpful would be if you could kind of lead us through the phases of a women’s cycle, what the hormones are doing in those phases and how that might affect your relationship. And you know, like what the partners could do about that?

Céline Remy 20:23
Absolutely. I am super excited about this. I have to say that a lot of this information comes from john gray, the man who wrote way back the book from Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. He wrote another one on beyond Mars and Venus. That was like a sequel 20 years later with like the new insights.

Kevin Anthony 20:43
So that’s the new one. So for those of you listening, we’re not quoting 20-year-old research here. This is a new book written by john that has a lot more updated information. Yes,

Céline Remy 20:52
I think it was written in 2017. And it’s spectacular. I’m loving it. And so a lot of this information comes from him. So I want to give credit for It’s due. And I also want to say that there was a whole book from Miranda Gray, called the optimized woman that I found many years ago that really helped me where she broke down the cycles day by day. And when I started doing that, it all started to make sense, all the different things that I would feel and experience and I was like, Oh my gosh, I’m not crazy.

Céline Remy 21:21
There is really something. So there are a lot of people out there that have done extensive research and have like studies and cases and like so many different things, and so withdrawing from all these different people plus our own because again, this is a love lab, so we use ourselves are the guinea pig. So the first thing that I want to say is we’re going to be talking here about a woman’s monthly cycle. If you are going through menopause, or have gone to an is done with your past menopause and you’re no longer bleeding, you’re still going to have some of these fluctuations happening.

Céline Remy 21:55
What you can do is to look at the moon as guidelines to give you the idea. That means that Around the full moon, this is kind of the ovulation time so the five days around the full moon would be kind of like the ovulation time. While the new moon the five days around the new moons are more like the bleeding time. And if you time this and you can start to see this same pattern so the new moon would be for your bleeding and full moon for your ovulation if you’re no longer bleeding to help you with the feeling that if you are still bleeding, go with your own schedule with your own body.

Céline Remy 22:28
So we’re going to start with the bleeding time right the first five days of her periods. Most women have anywhere from three to seven days. I kind of feel effects in my body for about five or six days even though I’m no longer bleeding or I’m just like spotting at the end. This is really where your hormones are really low. For a woman when she’s in that time. It’s all about she needs some quiet time. She needs some self-nurturing and she needs some bonding time with her partner, but also like a no pressure

Kevin Anthony 23:00
So what does that look like as a guy, it’s like don’t ask her to do many things? It’s not the right time to ask her to give you a blowjob and a massage. It’s the right time to give her a massage or tell her that she’s beautiful. or hold her or maybe like, do the dishes and the extra dishes you know, this time or maybe volunteer to either make dinner or go out and get something so she doesn’t have to

Céline Remy 23:26
be here for her. Like this is a vulnerable time. There’s sometimes some weeping some emotions, really don’t take anything personally, like let her be. Just know that she’s doing a good job of clearing cleansing like it’s releasing. Well, there was no baby that got conceived. So it’s releasing the unfertilized egg and pushing all of the old out so that she can be like fully refreshed again. So energetically, it’s a lot of work to do that.

Céline Remy 23:53
So understand that for some women and we have a whole episode on what is periods And why you should do it. And we’re not going to dive too much into that. There is a misconception, though, that it’s not a time to have sex with a woman and all of this, it actually is not true. bonding can be really good. But it’s not a time to have like, super hard bonding sex and might be more into lag, heart-connected. tantric lovemaking expectation. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 24:24
Yeah. And then also, this would be a good time for cuddling on the couch.

Céline Remy 24:29
Yes, absolutely. So these are the first five days of our periods. Now we’re going to move to the second phase. So they basically the following five days. So what happens in the body of a woman after she’s done bleeding, then the hormone levels are slowly rising, especially estrogen. Okay. And this is a very interesting time in a woman because usually just after you’re done bleeding, all your senses become really clear and you have a lot of things Energy again.

Céline Remy 25:01
And it’s also a place where you feel very balanced in terms of your masculine and feminine side. And there’s like, there’s a time where she needs to feel appreciated and admired for what she can do and accomplish. Something that’s interesting too, is if you hear that being admired, and for things she can do and accomplish, it kind of sounds a little bit like a guy, right? kind of sounds a little bit masculine. And I think the danger here is to not go overly masculine.

Céline Remy 25:36
For me, this is really where it is like, and especially when I get close to the ovulation time, which will go in a second into the third phase because there is a rise in testosterone. And so there’s this tendency of like, okay, you can do it all you have a lot of energy you finished bleeding. So what that time is really good. She’s done bleeding you want as the partner to connect with you. Your woman. And so what john gray says is that if you don’t connect during that second phase as a couple, and you know, like this, this deep connection, your connection during the sex of sorry, during the rest of her cycle will be less.

Céline Remy 26:18
So that’s very interesting because you set yourself up for success as a guy. So right after she’s done bleeding, that’s when you want to connect, come on to her flirt, plan maybe a day to a romantic time, even if it’s for the next week, but like talk about that nurture, like that energy.

Kevin Anthony 26:38
Yeah, absolutely. So so you know that she needs a little bit more sort of downtime, a load time, self-care time during the bleeding week. Now we’re in the second phase, this is the time to sort of reconnect in a strong way. And that will set you up for success as you go.

Céline Remy 26:55
I love what you said about connecting in a strong way because remember what I said that the danger here is not to overdo it as a woman. And so I think that if you step up as a guy, it will help her stay feminine and not go too much towards the masculine where you guys are cockfighting basically.

Kevin Anthony 27:14
Yeah. And that’s a whole polarity thing. We’ve talked about it many times, we probably should do yet another episode because it’s like the number one problem we see with all of the couples we work with. But that’s for another show.

Céline Remy 27:26
Alright, so now we’re getting to the third phase here, which is the ovulation phase. So you know about a relationship. That’s where she can conceive basically, that’s when you can create a human being. But that’s a very important time to because anything can be created. It’s not just human life. This is like very fertile ground for anything. And so during ovulation, her estrogen levels double but so I had testosterone is at its peak.

Céline Remy 27:54
And so I know for me, it’s really weird because we’ve been talking about that a lot in-joke about it because in a sense that I’m at my most fertile and feminine phase, right? Because I’m ripe, fertile. Estrogen, like loaded, but my testosterone also peaks and I kind of feel a lot like a dude, I want to get it done. And I also just kind of, I want to go get it. It’s like you want to fuck.

Kevin Anthony 28:24
That’s so here’s the thing, right? So this is this is nature’s way of getting the job done right? So yes, you’re technically at your most fertile where you could conceive. And so rather than sitting back in a receptive mode and waiting for the right man to come, nature’s giving you a kick in the ass and saying, Get out there and get that cocky.

Céline Remy 28:46
Literally, so she wants a connection. She wants romance like this is the time for it. Now, remember, if you’re not trying to conceive, this is like, you know, be careful when you’re doing this because everything is increased.

Kevin Anthony 29:00
But this is also the time where she really wants sex generally the most and she’s probably most open to like harder sex faster sex, pounding sex, like, these are the moments where you I know you get into like, she’s, you’re like, I couldn’t get enough you couldn’t pound me hard enough. That’s the face for that.

Céline Remy 29:22
It also happens just before I bleed. And so that’s that’s for the phase of the cycle, which is basically the last 12 to 14 days. By the way, guys, we like putting this as a 28-day cycle, just because that’s kind of the standard, but know that it varies. Sometimes it will be 27 days, sometimes 32. Some women have way longer cycles. Again, we’re talking about an average and that’s a 28-day cycle, but you have to adjust with where you are.

Céline Remy 29:51
So those last days at four face basically something really interesting is happening. It’s her progesterone level is Hi, basically, the progesterone comes in because it starts to prepare the lining of the uterus if there were a conception and pregnancy to make it grow thicker and make this great little house for baby to grow in, right. And so what happens in that time is that she wants social bonding. So up until then she kind of wanted time with you.

Céline Remy 30:22
And now what’s also very important is social time, especially time with girlfriends or going out for like art exhibitions or different things like that, like that social bonding. Something that’s very interesting about this is Do you remember when you were telling about the different types of pills that women would use and if it was more progesterone loaded, they would have a tendency to want to have sex with people out? Isn’t that interesting? Because progesterone does want you to connect with people outside.

Céline Remy 30:54
And I was like, this is really cool because these are two different experts saying the same thing by the way, which our was just like, Oh my gosh, this is amazing. It’s like getting me really wet and excited. So that’s the kind of thing that turns me off. Anyway. So what can you do there as a guy, it’s kind of really important to just let her do her thing. And for you, as a woman, it’s your time to watch out, don’t give more than you receive.

Céline Remy 31:19
Because if you do, so, you’re going to start to build resentment. So for a lot of forms, and that’s when they start to feel very cranky. And sometimes it’s associated with PMS. Because, hey, that’s how these those are the days that lead to bleeding. And so they’re like, oh, I’m just grumpy because I’m bleeding. But now you’re grumpy because you haven’t paid attention to your body and to what it needs.

Céline Remy 31:40
And if you feel resentful, it’s a sign that you need to back down and you need to do things that bring you pleasure and no longer pressure. And so that’s also a good time for you to support her to go out with her girlfriend. That’s a good time for you guys to go out together or

Kevin Anthony 31:58
That’s so yes, I encourage her to go out and do stuff for their girlfriends, for sure. And also, it’s a great time like, you wanted to have people over to do a movie night or a potluck or a music jam or you wanted to go out to a concert or whatever it is. Those would be the appropriate times to do that.

Kevin Anthony 32:20
Now, you know, we know, of course, it’s not always easy to plan in advance and know exactly when that it’s going to be. But yeah, the idea is that, well, we’ll get into that right before we jump into how we can like what types of things we can do. So I’ll just stop there, and we’ll get back to it.

Céline Remy 32:38
The one thing here though is that that’s the last phase whereas a guy, there’s not so much you can do to make her happy, which I know it’s kind of hard to wrap your head around because usually, you want to make her happy. You want to be successful, and he had some more by taking a step back. But if you remind her to take time for herself, if you remind her a few take the kids and be like hey go do your thing this is how you can help her? Okay?

Céline Remy 33:03
And also just for the women, it’s important to know that this is not a time where you depend on your partner. This is a time where you use inner source things for yourself. And this is beautiful magic of this is when you do your breast massage, jade egg or your Yoni steaming all of these practices is like the perfect time for your pleasure practices. And by the way, if you’re like, how do I do that? I don’t know how to start, go to see my online courses because I’ve got you covered.

Céline Remy 33:36
And I have courses for you that can take you through those pleasure practices, and you can find them on my site. So one thing that I want you to remember is that declining libido is not normal. Most people say it’s normal, but it’s kind of like it’s a side effect of an imbalanced, like lifestyle or it’s normal because it has become normal. Yes, most people to be out of balance. Yes, thank you, Kevin. And so by keeping your hormones in place in balance, you can keep your mojo and your fire stoked.

Céline Remy 34:10
So if you don’t feel like you’re really feeling it and stop it simply because you are out of balance. And now we are going to show you and tell you things that you can do. And this is a really quick little idea that we’re giving you. We wouldn’t need way longer to dive into each one of these. But it’s to inspire you to start to take action.

Kevin Anthony 34:32
Yeah. So what I started to say before now is the appropriate time to get there, which is that it’s not always easy to know, what phase of a cycle somebody is in. One thing that we have observed from our own friends and again, clients is that you know, the client will tell you, oh, yeah, I just I related or I’m in this phase or I’m in that phase. We know just by observing their behavior and listening to them.

Kevin Anthony 34:59
They’re not actually In the face that they’re in, which means they’re not actually aware of where they’re at. The reason is, is because most women don’t track it. They just kind of roughly guess, here or there. And you know, guessing and being off by a couple of days could mean you’re in a completely different phase than you think you’re in.

Kevin Anthony 35:17
My suggestion is if you really want to be able to take advantage of knowing where you’re at if you’re a woman, or where your partner’s at if you’re a man is to track this, and there are lots of ways to do it. There are tons of apps, you can have it all on your phone, whatever, you know, just find a relatively accurate way. Now, if you’re going to use it for birth control, find a very accurate way. If you’re going to use it just for tracking sort of where you’re at so that you can make good decisions then at least find a reasonably accurate method.

Céline Remy 35:51
That’s kind of fun. And we have one that you can have access to that if put on your phone that’s mine and so you can see my data and see exactly where it is. I take my temperature every day. When I bleed, so we use that for birth control. And it works very well when you do all three different things. And that would be a whole other episode that we’re not going to get into.

Céline Remy 36:11
But yes, apps are easy. It’s on your phone. It’s like a no brainer. So get an app and track it. And it might even be interesting for her if you if she doesn’t really track well, and you start to know her more than she does and might be like, Yeah, really? Are you trying to say that? So what happens?

Kevin Anthony 36:28
Some banks, sometimes that’s true. Sometimes I’m like, oh, you’re here and you’re like, No, I’m not. And then you look at your app and you go, shit, Yes, I am.

Céline Remy 36:40
I don’t want to agree to this.

Kevin Anthony 36:42
But it’s only because I have gotten used to the patterns. And when I see a certain pattern, I go, Oh, okay. I know where you’re at. I also, by the way, if anybody’s listening who works for one of these companies that makes these apps, I have some great ideas for how to add some functionality to these apps that the men can utilize. So it’s that one of these days. All right, let’s jump into the things that you can do to help stabilize your hormones.

Céline Remy 37:16
So there’s a woman got a doctor called Sara Gottfried, which I really love her she’s written lots of books on one is the hormone cure. She has one on brain and in aging and stuff. I mean, I’ve read them all they are fantastic. I recommend any of her books if you want to dive in more detail. She has something that she calls the Seven Pillars of health. And basically when you break it down is to eat well, to move your body to sleep have a good quality of sleep, I think meaning like watch your brain like rebalance your brain also and use your brain.

Céline Remy 37:55
Soothe, you know saving is reducing your stress. Connect, connect is all about like social bonding, which we are becoming so bad at as humans. We are so connected online and so disconnected where it matters. That actually will bring our hormones out of balance. Her number seven is detox. Because like I said at the beginning, we have so many things in this world that are like chemicals. So detoxing will help our bodies.

Céline Remy 38:27
So using those seven pillars of eating well moving, good sleep, thinking, soothing, connecting, and detoxing, will help balance your hormones. We have a couple of details there, right? Yeah, favorite things like what do you do for reducing stress? What works for you, Kevin?

Kevin Anthony 38:46
Okay, what works for me, one of the things that work really well for me, is exercise moving, I’m super active and I need to be moving all the time. And just going out and whether it’s going for Bike Ride doing some martial arts just working out whatever it is just moving really really helps. Sex also really helps blow jobs really hell all joking aside for I don’t know what it is but like the second you start a blowjob I feel like days of stress just melting off.

Kevin Anthony 39:22
And it’s not has nothing to do with the Jackie rating or relieving any part. It’s just the act of doing it like stress melts off. Some other things for me as a guy are just doing little projects. You know, I like to work with my hands and like build stuff and also, you know, if I have a particularly stressful day, sometimes I just want to go in the garage for 30 minutes, 40 minutes and work on an on a piece of a project. And that’s massively distressing for me.

Céline Remy 39:50
So things like also meditation, deep belly breathing, yoga, these things will have you want to watch your eating habits and we’re not we don’t have time to get into that. And we get way more in detail to in our courses Power Up Your Erections where we help you with like, what to eat and stuff. But you want to maybe add some superfoods. So things like maca, that’s really good for your hormones ashwagandha that also will be very good for you, reducing your stress level for your brain and different things like this.

Céline Remy 40:19
One thing you want to consider when we talk about your hormone balance is your gut health. Most people’s guts are out of balance. And so you want to like get your microbiome into this like into a good shape. And it’s not just popping a pill of probiotics. It’s much deeper than that. And

Kevin Anthony 40:38
that is a series of episodes in and of themselves, but just know that a lot of the hormone production in your body is actually regulated by your gut. So if your guts out of balance, your hormones are going to be out of balance. Absolutely. So yeah, that’s a deep subject but just know that in the modern lifestyle. All these processed foods and foods that are loaded with hormone-mimicking substances and things completely throw your gut and your hormones out of whack.

Céline Remy 41:08
Yeah. You want to also maybe change the way you do sex and change your sexual routine, you know because sometimes you’re stuck in routine sex has become awful and stuff. And it’s like removing the destination. Increasing the connection, the intimacy that for these different types of behaviors will help generate different hormones too. Just seek you a health professional, somebody who knows beyond just a regular doctor or somebody like a naturopath or somebody who has more of an allopathic like

Kevin Anthony 41:42
somebody that really understands what you want to avoid is going to a practitioner who’s just going to prescribe a pill to you and say go on your merry way. This will fix everything because one thing that you should probably have learned by now if you’ve listened to us for any length of time if you’ve taken any of our courses. We do not believe in a quick fix, you know, take the magic pill and everything’s going to be better.

Kevin Anthony 42:06
Why? Because it never works. And there’s tons of science to prove that. What it really takes is long term commitment to changing your lifestyle. That’s how any real change happens. It doesn’t matter. If you want to lose weight, you want to fix your gut, you want to get a better sex life, you want to last longer in the bedroom. You need to make specific changes over a period of time.

Kevin Anthony 42:29
You literally have to change your lifestyle. It’s your habits. It’s the way you do things every day, how’s it going to retrain your body and actually solve your problem? no quick fix pill is going to do that ever for anything.

Céline Remy 42:42
a holistic approach. That’s what we support. So we hope this was helpful. This was a longer episode, but it was really dense. Maybe you should listen to it again, especially parts of that, talk about it with your partner and start to pay attention start to track start to see the patterns and make small changes.

Kevin Anthony 42:59
Feel free. We mentioned a lot of resources, different authors and scientists and stuff, feel free to dive deeper into their work because they go way deeper into all this stuff. They give you all the background and the research and all that kind of stuff. It’s fascinating. And especially if you’re somebody who’s been struggling with having your hormones out of balance, this could radically change your life. Yes, radically change your life.

Céline Remy 43:23
So all the links will be in the comments. And don’t wait. Start now.

Kevin Anthony 43:28
All right, everybody. That is all the time we have this week and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 43:44
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Celine Remy.com. That’s si CELINEREMY.com So join us in the sex vault to continue You this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 44:01
Thanks for listening

Céline Remy 44:03
and remember, you’re amazing