Steamy Sexting — How To Sext Like A Pro

Kevin Anthony 0:12
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single or couple, this is the show for you. Because, well, sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony, and Celine Remy. All right, welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 48. Céline is already laughing, and we haven’t even started yet. This episode is called steamy sexting, how to sext like a pro. So you know, I often do these intros, and I’m like, I’m excited about this show, you know, and then I tell you why I’m excited about it. And today is no different. I’m excited about this show. Because in prepping for the show, it actually got Celine all hot and bothered.

Céline Remy 1:04
Yes, it sure did. I was just giving you a little boost of energy before we started recording.

Kevin Anthony 1:10
Oh, yeah, I got a boost.

Céline Remy 1:12
Rubbing myself all over you.

Kevin Anthony 1:15
Well, there you go. So you know, this stuff works. [laughs]

Céline Remy 1:19
There’s no doubt.

Kevin Anthony 1:22
So in this episode, we want to talk about exactly what we mean by sexting, we want to talk about what not to do how sexting can go terribly wrong. And we also want to talk about what to do, and maybe some things that you haven’t thought of when it comes to sexting. You might have a preconceived idea of what sexting is. And we may give you some new idea.

Céline Remy 1:48
So to be clear, we do not recommend texting as a form of advanced communication, right. So do not attempt to deal with your relationship issues via text.

Kevin Anthony 2:00
This is the worst. So if you’ve listened to our episode on communication, I know we talked a little bit about this. But text messaging is not the type of thing where you should be talking about, your triggers. Or, where you should be discussing important directions for the relationship or anything like that. It doesn’t convey enough information. And it’s just way too easy to misunderstand what the other person is saying.

Céline Remy 2:30
Absolutely. And then you can’t really unsee it. You have to do damage control. That just really sucks. So we are so blessed to have access to such technology nowadays, there are so many things that we can do. Maybe you remember the times when we used to write each other steamy love letters. I wrote love letters, as a matter of fact, okay, so I’m a romantic, I love writing, I love reading.  I think it was about 15. And I was totally in love with this guy. And, you know, by the way, this in retrospect, it was a very ballsy move, you know, 14 or 15, I was in love with that guy. I wrote him a poem, like something really romantic and brilliant a love letter.

Céline Remy 3:21
And then I went to his classroom and put it in his desk. We have classrooms where we sit in specific areas, we have a desk the way you can open and put your textbooks and stuff. So I knew where he would sit, I put my letter there and I signed the letter. He saw it and he read it and of course, and he shared it with a lot of his friends. They all made fun of me. That was really awful. And I hated myself for having done that. I felt very sad. I cried for a long time because I poured my heart into this letter, you know, and he didn’t understand really what it was all about. And now in retrospect, I’m thinking wow it was very ballsy to do something like that, and I signed it.

Kevin Anthony 4:04
Well, if you’re gonna write something like that to somebody, yes, you should sign it. Because I just remember, you were children and boys are extremely mature at that age. So you can’t take any of that personally. But I would also say to the listeners that, you know, writing old fashioned letters is awesome, too. And for the millennials who are listening, Celine is not that old. She’s a millennial, also. So writing letters is still works for millennials.

Céline Remy 4:38
Well, the reason I brought that up is because I do remember the joy of writing a letter of giving that letter somebody of reading a letter receiving one. And I think that technology has made things much easier, where we can have access to information right away, we can share our thoughts and our innermost desires with somebody like with seconds. And sometimes it’s important to still give it a little bit more thoughts, you know, when you sat in front of the paper, and really like connected with your heart, and sometimes we don’t do that for the texts. So it’s just something to remember. And we knew a lot of things with texting and sexing. And I’m really excited about that.

Kevin Anthony 5:21
For sure. So I think the first thing that we want to talk about is, when is it okay to sext? Oh, and you know, so we asked ourselves this question when we were preparing for the show, and we both actually had slightly different answers. And I think I think both are equally valid. So my answer was, well, it’s probably a good idea to know sort of where somebody’s at when you sex them, right. So and the reason I was answering that way is because I actually had this happened to me once, I thought it was hysterical. But you know, this sort of thing could potentially get people in trouble.

Kevin Anthony 6:01
I was working for a big corporation. And I was in a meeting in one of the conference rooms. And I don’t remember how many people were probably 10 people in this room sitting around a conference table, and my company cell phone will happen to be sitting face up on the desk on the table, the table, and I got a sex with a picture that flashed on my screen, and I went, Oh, shit. I can’t remember if anybody saw if they did, they didn’t say anything. And they were polite.

Kevin Anthony 6:42
But so my answer of sort of maybe you should know where people are at, like, you know, if you know that somebody is spending the day with their mom, maybe that’s not the best idea, or if you know, their work, or in a meeting, and maybe just wait until you figure that probably in the place where you like, here’s a good example. Don’t send them a super hot text, like with a great picture, maybe while they’re driving, that could cause an accident.

Céline Remy 7:12
Well, and it’s funny you saying that given because I’m I’m kind of like the trickster. And I’m like, of course, I’m gonna send a sex text when you at work. I’m gonna make it hot and more fun. So I’m totally the opposite than you. I’m like, I’m gonna find the most inappropriate moment to be sexual. And yeah, we’ve done that many times.

Kevin Anthony 7:35
So, I’m my own boss now.

Céline Remy 7:37
No, that’s true. But like, for me, actually, that’s a turn on to do something when I know it might be a little bit uncomfortable because I think it’s more fun. So when I was thinking, when is it okay to say next, one of the first things was, well, I think you want to set somebody that you’ve met in person. And one of the things I see happening is people get into these like, discussion, and I’m putting air quotes there, where they have not yet met in person, and I starting to get into texting, and then they could get into sexting. And here’s the thing, I’m thinking if you haven’t shaken somebody’s hand, or give them a kiss on the cheek, like, why would you send them a picture of your tits? Right? Really, or like something really hot and steamy?

Céline Remy 8:23
So I think as a guideline, maybe wait until you’ve met that person in person, and you can like have established because sometimes we can get stuck into our fantasy, and be like, Oh, yeah, this is gonna be like, such a great relationship. And then you meet in person, you’re like, Oh, isn’t that compatible? Why did I send that picture? Why did I say that? You know, and well, you know, when it comes to things like pictures, or even potentially text, you know, itself, we have to understand that anything that is put in a digital form, lives forever.

Kevin Anthony 8:56
So even if you send it and they deleted on there, and you delete it, on your end, it still lives in cyberspace somewhere.

Kevin Anthony 9:06
yes, yeah, that’s somewhere in the ether is an NSA data center located out in Utah, that collects every single electronic communication that is made in the world, literally in the world. So yeah, everything lives forever. And so if you don’t really have that trust established with somebody I do, you really want to be sending them, you know, nude photos, or really explicit suggestive texts or things like that. So it’s just something to consider.

Céline Remy 9:37
And then the other thing that I thought about was actually to be true to yourself. So if you are, I consider myself a highly sexual person, sex is very important, and it’s not something I’m going to put on the back burner. And then you know, three months into the relationship suddenly become sexual, you know, I’m like, it starts from day one, or even day minus three. Like before you know, me, you already know where you get into. And so I’m like, be yourself, if that’s how you talk. If you like to be upfront if you do a lot of sexual innuendos and jokes around sex or talk about it, then just be yourself.

Céline Remy 10:16
And the biggest thing when it comes to sexting is a fear probably a projection of like, why if I put it all out there, like, is this person going to judge me? Is the person not gonna love me? And ultimately, and I know, we’ve talked about that in several of our shows, I think it’s better to be 100% yourself, and not take things too personally, when you like you show your true colors, you show who you are, and then the person can be like, yes, this is my perfect flavor of ice cream, and I want to like it.

Kevin Anthony 10:49
Well, I think that is a great segway into the next topic: which is what not to do when sexting?

Céline Remy 11:00
Okay, so very, the very first one, make sure you sex the right person.

Kevin Anthony 11:05
I know this sounds really simple. And everybody’s going well, duh, of course. But how many people listening have actually sent a text message because they were busy. They were multitasking and grabbed their phone real quick. They went into text messages, boom, fired off a message and then realize they clicked on the wrong text message, you were replying to a different message that was in your little inbox there. And you accidentally click that and we’ve all done it. I know, I’ve done it before.

Céline Remy 11:32
Absolutely. How many people did multiple people at once, and they’re like, Oh, this, this person for Tinder and that person from whatever. And then it’s like, oh, that’s Friday night. That’s Tuesday night, that’s Wednesday is it gets a little complicated,

Kevin Anthony 11:44
especially if they don’t know about each other, which they should go listen to our episode on poly, and whether or not you should be poly. But they should. And just be sure that you’re texting the right person, because I don’t know about you. But if you’re like most people, you probably have a text from your mom, right next to a text from your partner next to a text from business associate or client like they’re all just mixed in there. So be careful who you’re texting. The internet is full of funny examples of people who’ve accidentally texted the wrong person. So don’t be one of those people.

Céline Remy 12:26
So that kind of is a good segue to number two things not to do. Make sure you reduce sex before you send it. So there’s something called autocorrect. And it does a lot of funny things.

Kevin Anthony 12:39
Oh, it sure does. So the thing not to do is just type real quick and just fire it out. What you want to do instead is actually read it and make sure it says what you think it says. And just for fun, because you know, we’d like to have fun. We were on the internet and we found a few examples of funny things that people have sent. Okay, so let’s see. The first one is in my hands would rummage through your golden girls. Girls? That person meant curls? Yeah, yeah. Damn that auto correct.

Céline Remy 13:16
Okay, how about the sleep with me? Question mark. I want a baby. That’s one of those times when you want to be grammatically correct.

Kevin Anthony 13:25
punctuation is important.

Céline Remy 13:27
I want to baby not I want a baby because then that’s like, I’m gonna run away.

Céline Remy 13:33
Imagine that. But you just met somebody, you haven’t even had sex with them yet. And they’re like, sleep with me, I want a baby might scare you a little bit,

Céline Remy 13:42
I have to say. I’m a stickler when it comes to punctuation and writing things properly. And I’m noticing that a lot of people don’t form proper sentences and their texts.

Kevin Anthony 13:54
And it really bothers me. Well, that’s a whole cultural thing. It’s because it’s a pain in the ass to type whole sentences and punctuation. You gotta hit Shift and go to different screens and get all that stuff. And so it’s evolved into just, you know, share with me question mark.

Céline Remy 14:10
I am sorry, but that’s not for me.

Kevin Anthony 14:12
But we’re going to get how to do it properly. So yes, you’re right. It is not a turn on. And, and it’s gotten into abbreviations because people don’t want to do a lot of typing. But let’s get to another one, which I really liked a lot. This is a woman and she’s texting the guy. And it says thanks again for an amazing first date. And he says, anytime when is the second date? I can’t wait to see those big beautiful nipples of yours. And then immediately, he fires back with. Oh, I’m so sorry. I meant dimples.

Céline Remy 14:47
I’m gonna go jump off a bridge.

Kevin Anthony 14:50
Fuck, I’m gonna go jump off.

Céline Remy 14:53
So that’s what a good thing here is like, if you do type something wrong, then use humor, because usually it helps defuse situations,

Kevin Anthony 15:00
right? Yeah. Oh, yeah, we had another good one, too. Although, this one, I don’t think was a mistake, but I’m still gonna put it in the category of what not to do. Some people might like it. I don’t know. So the man texts the woman says, want to be my girlfriend with no D on the end. And she texts back girlfriend

Céline Remy 15:29
with the D the proper spelling, right?

Kevin Anthony 15:32
And he says what? She then replies back and says you forgot the D? Then he replies back says Don’t worry about the D baby. You’ll get that later. Maybe he did actually make a mistake and he just fixed it with a funny line of humor. But I’m going to say that you know, maybe saying something like that might not go over so faithful.

Céline Remy 15:58
Okay, one other thing is that what not to do? And it’s to send an unsolicited a deck back on YouTube. And they weren’t asked for it works both ways. You know?

Kevin Anthony 16:08
Yeah. Oh my god, the idea of sending the dick pic now is like, it’s like, you know, internet lore is based on story after story of people sending unsolicited dick pics. And at this point, it is so cliche, that is completely ridiculous. In fact, it’s so cliche that just to be anti-cliche, I actually said something to dick pic once was grocery shopping. Yeah. Well, here’s the funny part is that, you know, we’ve been together for years, and we’re already married and all of that. And I never said to her.

Kevin Anthony 16:48
You know, we send like flirty texts back and forth and stuff. So one day, I just thought it would be absolutely hysterical. And it was quite funny. She laughed, we had a good time. But in general, I would say, yeah, steer clear of the dick pics, especially if they were not asked.

Céline Remy 17:12
Well, I have to say, though, my response to your picture was: Did you just send me a dick pic?

Kevin Anthony 17:18
That was

Céline Remy 17:23
I have to say I looked at it a few times, and I got turned on.

Kevin Anthony 17:28
But if you have that kind of rapport with each other, that it’s okay. Otherwise, I would suggest that you don’t do it. In fact, there have been whole careers ruined by people sending unsolicited dick pics, politicians have had their careers destroyed from sending unsolicited dick pics, so just don’t do it. And then the last one on the list is trying to be somebody that you’re not, right. And so then kind of already talked about this before we got into the one not to do this. But she was saying just be yourself.

Kevin Anthony 18:02
If you’re really sexual and flirty, be really sexual and flirty, if you’re more timid, be timid, if you’re the type of person that wouldn’t normally say the word dick, or cock. And that’s kind of a stretch for you. If you if you try to send a text and all of a sudden you’re like, yeah, that big cock, or this that, like, it’s not going to come off as genuine, it’s going to come off as trying too hard, and trying to be somebody that you’re not.

Céline Remy 18:28
So absolutely. And I think there’s different levels of sexting. So as we are now stepping into what to do, and how to do it properly, I know that’s the moment you all have been waiting for. Remember that. I was like to say that next day, like dirty talking, I like to rephrase it and call it erotic talk. Because there’s different levels of it. So you can be really crude and rude. And some people will really like that, or you can be much more subdued or just like, like, say it without saying anything. And that could be, you know, much better.

Céline Remy 19:05
It doesn’t have to be like 100% sexual, it could also just be about making your partner’s day making somebody else’s happy, you know, and it could just down the surface of like looking good, smelling good. Like it doesn’t have to be generally oriented.

Kevin Anthony 19:26
Right. So that’s, that’s one of the things that we definitely wanted to get to like, yeah, there’s, there’s a certain way to text in a sexual manner. And then what we also wanted to bring into this discussion was maybe opening your mind outside of just, you know, sexy things. Think of what other ways could you quote, sext. That would not be maybe so explicit, but would really be a turn on for your partner, or be even very romantic. That’s something

Céline Remy 19:58
I think that was you reading a study. And what they found was that people who are in establish relationship tend to sex more. And that would make tremendous sense, because, like I mentioned earlier, like one of my guideline is don’t affect somebody that you haven’t met in person. If you don’t have that level of trust of that person, then then it probably doesn’t make sense to go to that level. So people that are an established relationship, it might makes it much easier. What I like about that is, you know, we are all busy. And we tend sometimes to just take each other’s for granted, or we live together. Sometimes people forget that they are also sexual beings.

Céline Remy 20:41
A little text can go a long way in a long term relationship. And it really doesn’t require much effort, it’s way faster than going to buy flowers or even sending this to me love letter, it is a quick 30 seconds, action that you can take that can really create a deeper connection with your partner. So I think it’s really worth it. Now, how do you do it?

Kevin Anthony 21:08
We’ve got some steps here. Step number one is to get into details of what you want to do to them and be specific. Before we go any further in that, I do want to make the distinction that how you do step number one, it’s really going to depend on whether or not you’re texting a man or a woman.

So this is a great example. So we had a friend over for dinner. He was just starting to date a new woman. So we were asking him all kinds of questions about her and how they relate and how they communicate. And you know, all that kind of stuff that sex geeks talk about. So then the subject of texting came up, and we started talking about and what was really funny was, both Celine and I were giving him advice on how to sex.

Kevin Anthony 22:02
All of the things I was telling him he should write are things that I thought a woman would find really romantic. And all the things that Celine was telling him to write were all the things that she thought a guy would think would turn him on. So she was writing as if she was writing it to me or to a guy and I was writing it as if I was gonna write it to her or another woman, right? So can we realized in that moment when we were going through that exercise, that it actually really is sort of specific?

Céline Remy 22:32
Mm hmm, totally. So one other thing, and that’s what I always tell people is, don’t just go for the general thing, like you’re so beautiful, or you such a nice man. Like, it kind of goes above people’s head and they go like, Yeah, but what does that mean? And so if you want to be more specific, you can really talk about the way your hair flows down your shoulders and rushes on, you’re back as like, so enticing. or talking about how the color of the sweater that they’re wearing is making their eyes pop.

Céline Remy 23:10
So you’re looking at a small detail. And you are finding a way to describe that with very specific, like, details around that. And that helps the person to be like, wow, this, this person is seeing me, all of me and not just like the whole general idea. But like, wow, they’ve taken the time to pinpoint on something really small and detail oriented. So it becomes much more meaningful.

Kevin Anthony 23:37
Yeah. So if you’re a guy, and you’re listening, I hope you wrote down everything that she just said, because if you’re a guy and you’re in your sexting a woman, doing that exact strategy is going to get you very far. So noticing small things about her and writing it in a way that’s actually romantic and yet sexy at the same time.

Céline Remy 23:59
That was joking with we’re prepping for this episode where I was like, well, we women really want to have our mind stimulated, right? Our biggest sex organs between our brain, our ears, it’s our brain. So like, that helps to activate our brains through the sex thing. And we kind of want a combination of romance and gang bang. So it’s like, we want it all right, we want the romantic guy. And we also want the bad boy. And depending on who you are, where you are in the relationship, you want to bring forth more one or the other. But we kind of want both.

Céline Remy 24:33
I know it can be confusing for men, because they’re like, so she wants me to tell her she’s the most like, amazing woman and that I want to like, I don’t know, spend my life with her on worship her every day that I’m alive. Okay, this like big romance, right? And at the same time want to take her from behind?

Kevin Anthony 24:55
combining, I want to take you from behind every day forever.

Céline Remy 25:03
Yeah, could work. At least for me.

Céline Remy 25:09
So so really think about that. So I think that was the game changer for our friend when we explained to him that narrowing it down to this very nitty-gritty, specific details of that. And, and then, you know, like, go beyond just the appearance also look at their characters like is it? Is it like how they can, like, easily make conversation with people or like whatever that is, I like their intelligence. So the way they love and it’s like, wow, okay, this makes a big difference.

Kevin Anthony 25:42
Absolutely. Let’s look at number two on the list, which is referred to something you did together. This is a good one. This is actually what I did with my dick pic. It is because we, we had made love in the morning. So I took a picture post lovemaking. Then I waited. And I sent it to her, you know, like midway of the day. I told her that I was remembering and thinking about the amazing lovemaking that we made in the morning is referring to a very specific, beautiful moment that we had shared earlier.

Céline Remy 26:17
And what a beautiful combination there Kevin of the romantic and the Bad Boy, that’s right.

Céline Remy 26:24
Wow, I am so proud of you. You are so good at this.

Céline Remy 26:30
And you know, here’s the thing, too, when you remember something that you’ve done together, I don’t know, but you but for me, it can go a long way. Let’s say we share a romantic gesture, or really good lovemaking, I will probably think about it anywhere between 100 to 1000 times over and over. And usually it will turn me on every single time. This is why I do it over and over. Because you know it has really nice benefits for me. So when you get to relive that, again, that moment, still get the same chemical rush hormones, things happening in the body. And so you get to be in that constant state of arousal. So much.

Kevin Anthony 27:10
Just about to say that yesterday, it seems like you’re putting yourself in a constant state of arousal to something we talked about a lot on the show.

Céline Remy 27:18
Yes. So here’s another thing that you can do send a suggestive photo. suggestive versus graphic is a big difference. That is a big difference.

Kevin Anthony 27:30
And actually, some of the sexiest pictures I’ve ever gotten had no nudity whatsoever. Like I’ve gotten a picture of like, the side of a woman’s neck. And like the way her hair was just foot is like, yeah, that totally does it.

Céline Remy 27:45
Eyes know the mouth. Or it could be a hand that’s going into an A pants and you’re like, Oh, I know where this is going. I know some people say never send a picture that has your face a new body parts together like

Kevin Anthony 28:03
not if you want to run for political office. Otherwise,

Céline Remy 28:10
that’s kind of my fault. But that’s why I was like, it’s still important to bring it up there. Because I’m like, and again, if you’re in that relationship, it’s like it’s fun. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 28:19
Well, you know, all joking aside, if there’s any sort of potential sensitive job, or, you know, life circumstance that you have, then yeah, you would want to avoid that. For sure. Yeah, we have a friend who he’s retired now. But for many, many years, he worked as a school teacher, and anything of, you know, sexual nature, even if it was going to a meetup group that had a topic around sexuality. Yeah, he always just made sure that he just wasn’t in those pictures. Absolutely. didn’t want it to interfere with his career. And then, you know, once he was retired from teaching, you know, he was like, Okay, now I can, I can totally show you know, who I am and what I’m doing and not worry about it. But he just needs to keep those two worlds separate for one.

Céline Remy 29:09
And then the last step into how to do sexting, right is you want to build sexual tension. And again, this is about finding your own flavor. So be comfortable using words that you do use, but also sometimes surprise your partner but doing something that they don’t expect. So if you do never, like if you never say cock, maybe just using it, there could be the first step, you know, or like, whatever that is, but you want to build some sexual tension, because you want to also step out of just the friendship zone, where it’s just about making the other person feel good. You also want to make sure that they know that there’s something more than just a heart to heart connection. And so like sex connection there, too.

Kevin Anthony 29:48
Yeah, the sex building, the sexual tension is a really good way to use sexting, especially if you know you’re going to be seeing each other soon. And then by the time we do see each other you’re both turned on

Céline Remy 30:00
TV and ready exactly that it’s kind of like foreplay short by like 20 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 30:09
Not that we recommend cutting foreplay short, but you know,

Céline Remy 30:12
you changing it, you switching it up.

Kevin Anthony 30:14
It’s actually is foreplay.

Céline Remy 30:16
For me. It is. Yeah. So remember, sexting is not just sexual, but it could be sexual innuendo, it’s about making someone that someone’s day by saying something nice, like, a little text. Thinking about you today, I’m thinking of you right now. That’s very sweet. And it’s genuine. Or I’m making your favorite meal, can’t wait to have you home, like I care about you. Or something like, stop making me think about you. I’m busy working. And you know, depending on what you want is like if you want to have a conversation, it’s really good to ask questions that way just forces the person to answer so you want to have a banter back and forth. So create that.

Céline Remy 31:05
And if you just want to have like one text and be done, then don’t create those questions or things that require the other person’s to answer. And then, as a general thing, what’s important when you are texting and sexting is to notice the person. So remember with the specific details, to appreciate the person and acknowledge what they do. And if you put this notice, appreciate and acknowledge you will crush it.

Kevin Anthony 31:37
Yeah. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. We hope that you picked up some good sexting tips. And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends

Céline Remy 31:59
And if you want more. We have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at kevinanthonycoaching.com. That’s c e l i n e r e m y.com. So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 32:16
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 32:18
And remember, you’re amazing