What Women Really Want In Bed

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the love lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you are a man, woman, single or couple. This is the show for you because well, sex matters. We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is episode number two, what women really want in bed. Oh, this is going to be a good one is going to be really juicy. We’ve got so much to cover in this podcast. Honestly, one show couldn’t even really cover it all. But we’re going to do the best that we can.

Céline Remy 0:50
And be prepared because we’re going to give you a lot and we know that there’s still plenty more that could be covered. So this is a great way to start with some of the guidelines and ideas and it’s obviously not going to be everything.

Kevin Anthony 1:07
As I said, we could maybe do a whole series on what women really want. And because that changes all the time, so we’re going to do the best that we can. We have a great list of things that if you mastered you would truly be a master in bed. So let’s dive right it. Alright.

Céline Remy 1:26
So I want to say that the number one thing that women do want in bed is confidence. Confidence from the lover that they are with and confidence is such a very attractive trait and it has a fine line between being confident and cocky.

Céline Remy 1:48
And so finding the balance when you approach a woman is super important, but also being able to show up in the bedroom with that confidence that you know what you are doing. You are a man that knows himself knows what he likes and wants. And that’s how it shows and she feels that.

Kevin Anthony 2:10
This is really big. And it’s something that I think maybe is lost with a lot of men. They’re not really sure what’s the difference between being confident and say being a dictator in the bedroom. And so I think I really want to stress that there’s a big difference between those two. So you don’t want to show up as a guy in the bedroom saying, All right, this is like a business meeting and I’m going to take over and I’m going to dictate I’m going to say it goes like this and we’re going to do that and, you know, flip over woman and you know, that’s not confidence in the bedroom. That’s just being an asshole. Really.

Céline Remy 2:46
Yeah, and I was gonna like when you were saying that, Kevin, I was thinking of the scenario of the guy that’s asking every three seconds Do you like it? Is that good? I having an orgasm, faster, total opposite of confidence.

Céline Remy 2:59
We’re giving you the two extremes here. And basically, you got to find that middle way. Where are you not constantly asking and doubting what you what you’re doing? But you’re not also just like making it so imposing that there are no other choices for her in there as well because it is a co-creation when you’re in the bedroom.

Kevin Anthony 3:21
Exactly. And as a guy, you want to come in, and you want to be confident in a way that you’re, you’re directing. But you’re also open to any feedback. Like I used to use this example all the time. When it comes to sort of the, what we would call the conscious confidence of a man, right? So it’s the end of the day, and it’s time for dinner, and you’re thinking that you want to go out for dinner. And you say to your woman, you say where would you like to go for dinner? And then she comes and she says, Wow, I don’t know. No. So that is a guy. You know, we’re problem solvers. We’re right. So we’re going to be like, okay,

Kevin Anthony 4:00
well, what kind of food? Are you in the mood for? How far away? Would you like to drive? How long would you like to wait? Do you need to eat now? Do you need to eat? You know, in an hour from now? Like, we’re going to ask all those questions. But if you notice, as a guy that doesn’t usually work very well, does it? It doesn’t usually get you any closer to the answer. And so what works really well as a guy is to say, Hey, honey, I know that you love Thai food. How about I take you to your favorite Thai food restaurant?

Kevin Anthony 4:31
Now, the thing is, it doesn’t really matter if she wants Thai food or not. Because she’s going to respond. And she’s either going to say, Oh, my God, that’s you. That was a perfect idea. Thank you so much. Or she’s gonna say, you know, maybe I’m not really in the mood for Thai food. And that’s perfectly fine. Because then you get one step closer to what she really wants. And she feels like you are taking charge without dictating. And without? What’s the right word I’m looking for? Like, you’re guiding her in the right direction. You’re taking charge, but you’re not imposing?

Céline Remy 5:12
Yeah, totally.

Kevin Anthony 5:15
So where I’m going with that is the same thing is in the bedroom, right? So you come up with ideas, but you don’t try to solve her problems. And

Céline Remy 5:23
We don’t want to be fixed.

Kevin Anthony 5:24
No, you don’t try to tell her what she’s going to do. But you step in with confidence. And you say How about we do this. And then you pay attention to the feedback that you get.

Céline Remy 5:35
As a woman, we hear that a lot that women hope and wish that man would know what they want, even when they don’t know what they want. It’s a place that many women get stuck in. And when you take that step of helping us figure out what we want, we are actually super grateful. There is also a place where the power play can show up. And that’s another thing that women want in the bedroom, in that terms of the power playing where you can take charge, where basically you are telling her what to do because it can be a real massive turn on.

Céline Remy 6:15
And probably also means that sometimes she wants to be the one who’s in charge and telling you what to do or like really like guiding how the experience in bed is going to unfold. So that power play is essential. I think that most people don’t spend enough time acknowledging that they want the times to be fully receiving or giving taking charge, I think of it like giving receiving being in one or the other mode. And I think that it links with the confidence piece. But it’s taking it a step further.

Kevin Anthony 6:54
Absolutely. That dynamic can really go in either direction in a typical male-female heterosexual relationship will see it manifest as the man taking a little bit more charge. But it doesn’t have to be that way. As long as there’s polarity in the relationship, and that’s agreed upon. And that works really well.

Céline Remy 7:14
Yeah, and I also want to say that we are cyclical beings, and there’s time during the month where I just want to be in charge. And there are other times where I want to just do nothing. So if that’s a woman who’s in touch with her on nature, and is aware of the ebbs and flow of the energy of how she feels, it will be very normal and natural to have different desires at different times.

Céline Remy 7:41
And I think that’s the place that is most confusing for most guys is to be like, okay, yesterday, she wanted this particular thing, and now she wants the opposite, but she seems happy. I know, for you guys, it could be like really crazy. Like, I don’t comprehend that. But for us, it is just who we are.

Kevin Anthony 8:03
Okay, guys, if you were just born yesterday, you might not know this. But if you’ve been around for a little while, you’ve probably figured out that women change their minds a lot. That’s why women are often compared to water, right there, the water element, because it flows, it flows, and it’s always moving somewhere.

Céline Remy 8:24
And we want you to be the bank of that water of that river, where you give us a place where we get to flow be in that in that like total flowing energy, but you are creating that container, which brings back to that confidence. That’s really what that confidence and that taking charge. Looks like it’s giving us room to be expressing who we are in that flowing form. But it has a little bit of a defined container.

Kevin Anthony 8:53
Yeah, it’s that I got Yeah,

Céline Remy 8:54
I got it,

Kevin Anthony 8:55
no matter where you flow, no matter what happens, I got

Céline Remy 8:58
you these are the magic words when she can feel that you’ve got her. She can be anything she wants. From a crazy like waterfall river to a little stream, you know, a little bit of water, and that it’s okay because he’s there, I got you. Like, if you can show up with that energy with that attitude, if you can even say these words, these three little words, most likely it will melt her,

Kevin Anthony 9:33
it really will have one more thing to that idea of the fact that the woman is often changing, and what she wants in any given moment might be different. Because one of the other things that a woman really wants in bed is a man who is aware of where she’s at, he can sense these changes, he can tell that she’s flowing in a different direction and then adjust. So for instance, you know, a lot of times guys come into the bedroom, they’re super turned on, like the first thing they want to do is penetrate and pound. Right? They just want to like they want to get in there.

Kevin Anthony 10:10
And they’re like, yeah, like, let’s go for it. But how many women want to do that right from the start? I mean, it happens sometimes happened last night. But usually, that’s not the case. But just because she doesn’t want that when you start doesn’t mean that she’s not going to want that later on. And so that one of the true mastery skills for a man is being able to pay attention enough. Look for the signs. Where is she at? What is her face saying? What does she have a smile? Does she have a little like, Ooh, that’s a little uncomfortable look on her face?

Céline Remy 10:46
Does she move away? One of the things I notice is if somehow a stroke is a little deeper than what I wanted that moment, I’ll ever go a little bit or left my passion this like move it, it changed the angle. So if she’s doing that intention, the angle A little bit, that’s probably because she is either feeling the discomfort or pain or she’s not feeling the sensations she’s looking for. And so she wants the angle to be different to create a different experience. So that ability to read her, and is essential it many women are not even always aware of what’s happening.

Céline Remy 11:28
It’s going to be even confusing for us because you could start something and you can be like, oh, you know, today, I just want slow, and I just want to be held and told I am beautiful. Go to this slow movement, dancing type lovemaking. And then you know, could be 20 minutes and or something like this. Then you’re like, wow, things are shifting Naaman like to my animal. It could be confusing for her because you’re like, wow, I started feeling so different like it was different nights somebody else.

Céline Remy 11:59
But in that container of the “I’ve got you” it is okay to show up as that more reserved person and then into that wild animal face, because it’s okay, within that time to show every facet of her sexual expression.

Kevin Anthony 12:19
And so as a guy, you have to pay attention to all those little things, and readjust, you know, sometimes something will tell me, I’m in the mood for this. So I’ll start that way. But then I’ll be paying attention to where is she going, she might start with her legs down and just one like soft and gentle connection and the next thing that her legs will be over her head. And like, that’s a pretty clear sign that something has shifted.

Céline Remy 12:46
So I think that kind of leads us to another point here in terms of newness and freshness that women do want in bed. And you know, it’s fine to have your things at work and somewhat of a routine at times. But like, we want to have that newness every time. And Eunice doesn’t mean that you have to have the capacity to a book and have learned all hundred positions and go for each one’s of the newness means that the way you look at her is like the first time you’ve seen her.

Céline Remy 13:24
That’s that newness, that freshness that no matter how many times you’ve seen her naked, when you see her breasts, you just can’t wait to, like worship her to like, touch her to be with that naked body. And that is something every woman wants to be adored, to be wanted to jump

Kevin Anthony 13:49
is laughing because I’m staring at her like a piece of meat, right? I see her naked every single day. And I never take it for granted. Every time I see her naked I get turned down. I’m like, Oh, yeah, even if we spent the whole day together naked. If you put clothes on, I look at her. And I think I’d like to see her naked.

Céline Remy 14:08
What she looks like. So bringing that up, that’s kind of wild men also in there, that’s back to that confidence piece where you can look at her like she’s a piece of me. It has that last component of Oh my God, I can get enough of you. And I want you and you are so beautiful. so addicting. Like, I just want you she wants that.

Kevin Anthony 14:37
Yeah, and let’s just clarify. When we say a piece of meat, we mean, like look at her in a way that that means you really want her but not just want her with loss, but want her with love and compassion and, and sexiness and lust and all of that together. We don’t want anybody to misinterpret what we mean by that. That’s actually a term that we use us between each other a lot like, Oh, are you looking at me like a piece of meat? Sure.

Céline Remy 15:04
Well, this is funny because we’re both vegetarians. So that’s the type of meat we go for.

Kevin Anthony 15:15
I want to bring in another thing that women want in bed because it really directly relates to what we were talking about with trying to see the signs and how things might be changing while you’re making love. And that is communication. Because as Selene pointed out, maybe the woman doesn’t even really know exactly where she’s at, or exactly what’s changing in the moment. And so I know the guys who are listening when we talked about that a moment ago, you’re going Oh, great. Like, I’m not a mind reader. I’m supposed to be paying attention to these signs. And yet she doesn’t even know where she’s at, like, How am I supposed to win at this?

Kevin Anthony 15:56
How am I supposed to be good at this? How am I supposed to figure this out? So of course, look for the signs. And if you’ve been with your woman for a while, you’ll get to know what some of those signs mean. And when you’re in doubt, just ask, communicate. Like if we’re making love really slow and gentle. And then I see her legs spread wide. And I’m starting to think, oh, maybe she wants a little bit more, you know, energy a little bit more in the lovemaking, you know, I can start slowly to ease into that and then pay attention. But if I’m not sure what the signs going on, I might simply ask her what you want right now. Where are you at?

Céline Remy 16:39
Well, maybe also, I’m thinking about that. And I think it’s a great idea. But like, if you want to make it easier for her is like, kind of make it more of a yes or nowhere she doesn’t have to think too much. So it’s like, hey, like you want more of this, or you want to go faster, kind of like bringing in some dirty talk. I like to call it more erotic talk. But like that way, it doesn’t take her too much out of her head and thinking what do you want and then goes like, Oh, shit, I don’t know what I want and panicking and freezing, where you can give her options that can make it a little bit easier.

Kevin Anthony 17:15
Yeah, that’s a great idea. So instead of saying, What do you want, you might say? Do you want to go faster?

Céline Remy 17:22
Uh-huh. Exactly. Are you in the mood for that? Like, you know, whatever, how you guys talk, you know, and I always recommend people to talk about those things on how to talk in the bedroom before you are actually in the bedroom. Because everybody has different things that turn them on and turn them off. And some people find certain words offensive.

Céline Remy 17:44
And if your partner does not like a certain word, and you are actually using it, as you are making love, it could totally terminate the lovemaking. And so having a clear idea about what can be appropriate for your partner in the bedroom, so that you know which name you can use for different body parts and, and ways of talking is something I really recommend to explore before and then just give it a try.

Céline Remy 18:10
And honestly, it’s not a big deal. If it’s just like, makes it that turns her off, then find something that turns her on-again, and get get the engine going again, you know, just because something’s flops at times, you know, it happens sometimes to try a new position and it just doesn’t work or, or sometimes, you know, there’s like things that happens with the body. And you’re like, oops, that self just came out of me. And I didn’t mean to and how embarrassing. Come back and continue.

Kevin Anthony 18:40
That’s actually something we teach in one of our online courses, which is being afraid to fail, be afraid to make mistakes, try something and if it doesn’t work out, well, that position didn’t work very well. We fell off the bed or you know, whatever. And then you just laugh about it and readjust and go on.

Céline Remy 18:55
Yeah. Don’t be afraid.

Kevin Anthony 18:57
Yes. You know, I love how just in the natural course of our talks or discussions, we have these just perfect segues, because what I want to cover next is foreplay, and how it begins long before you ever make it to the bedroom.

Céline Remy 19:13
So she wants for play. But foreplay is not just what you thinking, I must go down on her for 10 minutes, or compressor or certain way or kiss her Amen. Yeah, yes to all of that. But as Kevin said, it starts way before you in the bedroom, the kisses can be happening throughout the day. So groping, the innuendo of like some sexual energy of things happening between the two of you, all of that works and needs to be happening all throughout the day.

Kevin Anthony 19:47
That’s something that we call being in a constant state of arousal. So when you’re doing those things throughout your day, you’re always in this little bit of a heightened sense of sexual arousal so that you don’t need so much to get going when it’s actually time to be in the bedroom.

Céline Remy 20:04
And that once you in the bedroom, let me guess Let me tell you another thing that she wants. She wants you to slow down.

Kevin Anthony 20:14
Oh, yeah. This is a big one. Let me think if there were the like one of the most important things that I could possibly teach a man when coaching him in the bedroom, it’s slow down.

Céline Remy 20:31
I know it sounds silly, but like literally, if you think you are going slow, slow it down again, if you think you’re touching her lightly, do lighter. And just think of different things. Like let’s say you’re stroking her klutz, and you’re thinking that super light, you want to have like a feather-light touch, she’s got over like 1000 nerve endings. Usually, she has about double what you have on the head of your penis.

Céline Remy 20:57
That means that what feels like good friends you and very intense for you think to double for her in terms of sensations. So it’s really important to remember that when you are touching her, but also in terms of slowing things down. Women tend to be more like the water that takes a little bit of time to born. But once she’s boiling, and it’s going it goes on for a long time.

Kevin Anthony 21:22
Many of you may already be aware of these numbers because they’ve been out in the public domain for decades. But when they did some of the original research about how long it takes a man to achieve orgasm, versus how long it takes a woman. The original research goes basically like this, the average man ejaculate in five to seven minutes. The average woman has an orgasm in 20 to 30 minutes. That’s a big gap. So guys, how are you going to make it to 20 or 30 minutes if you don’t slow down?

Céline Remy 21:58
Exactly. Yeah, and I think actually slowing down works both ways slowing down for women as well. In this society, we are constantly rushing from one thing to another, we are distracted and we have demands all the time. And sometimes we tend to view the lovemaking and the reaching that orgasm as the one thing to do. And then as we take less time to stay into our pleasure, the body just kind of like doesn’t have all that it takes to have a really strong orgasm.

Céline Remy 22:28
So you can go for like a it’s kind of I call it a gentle sneeze, that very first orgasm like okay, great if I get but honestly, it’s not like the potential of what your body can do. And that’s slowing down off not just going for the first sensation, whether you’re a man or a woman will make a difference in the quality of the orgasm, and orgasmic sensations and pleasure that you feel in your body.

Kevin Anthony 22:53
This is another one of those topics, we could do an entire show on the slowing down. Because there are so many reasons why you want to slow down, we could do an entire show just on the different levels of sexual ecstasy that you could reach if you took the time to slow down. Not only that, from the woman’s point of view, if she goes too fast, too quick, she’ll pull the man right over into ejaculation. So for her slowing down and not running towards that orgasm right away, will actually help the man last longer. The longer he lasts, the more levels of ecstasy they can reach. I mean, that’s, that’s a super short explanation we could talk on and on and on about that.

Kevin Anthony 23:34
But we don’t have that much time in the show. But what is related to that as another topic that we wanted to cover, which is to not have an agenda when you’re making love. lovemaking is not about having an orgasm. If you’re a guy, it’s not about ejaculating. And this is a problem because of so so many guys when they were young, and they discovered their penis, and they started masturbating, it was all about the orgasm slash ejaculation. First of all, let’s just say they are not the same thing.

Kevin Anthony 24:09
Orgasms and ejaculation are two separate things that actually tend unless you’ve been trained otherwise to happen at the same time. But they’re not. And you can separate them, we have a whole course on how to do that. That’s not what we’re here to talk about today. What we’re talking about now, though, is don’t have an agenda. Your agenda isn’t to get to the finish line, your agenda, more, you don’t have an agenda, what you shouldn’t be doing is just focusing on the journey itself.

Céline Remy 24:33
Well, and remember about her making it all about her how we want to be worshiped if your agenda is simply to worship her body and make it all about her. Yeah, that’s something that she wants. And I like to also ask people, you know, what does love making provide for you that think beyond just that, that that physical release that the orgasm is, and lovemaking brings closeness, intimacy, and that’s another thing that women truly want into the lovemaking, that intimacy and also bridging the gap between spirituality and sexuality, that there is more to sex than just the animal drive.

Céline Remy 25:24
There are different levels that you can access. And, you know, you like spirituality is we’re not talking about religion here. But just as a concept that there’s something bigger than what you are, there’s something more than what the bodies of what your eyes can see this energy, and that in some ways, we are all connected. And when you make love, there are times where you can lose the cut, like the confines of your body, like the knowing where your body ends and starts and you can lose the like what usually make boundaries and in space and time and reality gets altered.

Céline Remy 26:07
You can literally open portals to step into like different realities. And it’s a state that cannot be accessed in a five minutes lovemaking. It’s a place that you can reach when you have created a certain level of trust and intimacy and depth with a partner. It’s a place you reach when you have no agenda, where you just get to be present.

Kevin Anthony 26:36
If you really want to take sex to the next level, you really need to understand this concept. You need to understand how you can use sex to bridge the gap between the physical body and your spiritual essence or spiritual body. In French, actually, they have a saying, for that brief moment, they often use it to describe an orgasm, but it’s called liberty. And I know I’m not a French speaker, so I probably mangled that. So then you can pronounce it properly for the audience.

Céline Remy 27:10
“La petite mort”.

Kevin Anthony 27:12
Right? Which, which is the little-death? Uh-huh. And well, that sounds kind of gruesome, right, the little death, but what they’re really talking about here is in that moment of orgasm, time stops, there’s there is no time, you’re in this space in between realities. And it doesn’t just have to be an orgasm, you can actually achieve that sort of timeless space, through this prolonged beautiful multi-wave lovemaking. But you can only get there. If you slow down, you take the time to build the energy and go through the waves, it’s if you’ve never experienced it, it’s something you really should try.

Céline Remy 28:01
And I guarantee you that she wants that even if she doesn’t specifically know it. But it is something that when especially when I work with couples, most of the women tell me this is what I want, they know there’s something more to sex than what they’ve been taught. And finding a partner who is willing to explore and go to these other places is something that most women want. Last but not least, the last thing that she wants our sex skills in the bedroom.

Kevin Anthony 28:28
So how are you going to do everything that we just talked about? Well, you do have to have a little bit of skill. But I want to say this first, which is that we saved sex skills for the last not because they’re the most important, but actually because they’re sort of the least important. In other words, if you master all of the other things that we’ve talked about during this podcast, the skills become less important.

Kevin Anthony 28:52
If you can do the connection, if you can have confidence, if you can start the foreplay beforehand, if you can make it all about her and worship her body, if you have no agenda, if you can bridge the physical and the spiritual gap, and you have the intimacy, all those things that we talked about,

Céline Remy 29:08
you’re already most of the way there. And you know, sex skills can really be learned. And I feel that it’s easier to learn how to press a certain button, like stroke a certain way than it is to really embody those character traits, it takes longer to find those traits. So if you focus more on being rather than doing, I believe that you are closer to, to that place that she wants you to be in. And having said that, learning some basic skills on how to master your body, how to use your body, in the process of lovemaking is absolutely going to help and it’s going to take you to that next level.

Kevin Anthony 29:53
In our power mastery series, our online courses, we teach a lot of this stuff to men, we teach you to grow the master your body, hmm.

Céline Remy 30:03
And not just your body, but also master her body where you get to know what she likes what she wants. And that, again, comes with the communication piece that is so important. So if you don’t have the communication skills, Nope. No matter how many things you can do with your fingers, you still missing something.

Kevin Anthony 30:20
We also teach how to master your mind, because your mind is very important in this entire equation. Yeah, so sex skills are important. They definitely help they kind of tie the whole package together. Mm-hmm.

Céline Remy 30:34
Well, that was juicy for today. I hope you got plenty.

Kevin Anthony 30:39
We covered a lot of ground. I just hope that we gave you enough because there was so much to cover in this one episode. I imagine in the future, we’ll be doing more episodes that are more specific. We might break some of these down further. Feel free to let us know if there’s a particular thing that we covered and you’re like, I want more than that. Let us know in the comments. Yeah,

Céline Remy 31:02
we’ll do a show. Email us if you got a question. We’re happy to make this about you and helping you upgrading your sex life.

Kevin Anthony 31:11
All right, that’s all the time we have for today. Thank you so much for joining us.

Kevin Anthony 31:20
We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 31:27
And if you want more we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at kevinanthonycoaching.com. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 31:44
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 31:46
And remember, you’re amazing.