25 Life Changing Hacks For Couples

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast, a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin, Anthony, and Céline Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 185. And it is titled 25 Life-Changing hacks for couples. So we are going to give you hacks for your relationship hacks for your sex life. They are basically a lot of the things that you and I do.

Kevin Anthony 0:48
But they’re also things some of them that, you know, we’ve learned from, you know, just years of working in the field. So it is a fantastic list. If you could actually do every one of these, you would have a spectacular relationship, guaranteed.

Céline Remy 1:04
So take out your notebook, or whatever you’d like to write on. Because you need to remember this or you know, listen to the show over and over. And make sure you share this episode with as many people as possible because we want everyone to experience great love great passion for a lifetime. I’m excited. To be honest, we had to I mean, we were on a roll and we stopped at 25. It’s not an exhaustive list.

Céline Remy 1:33
We also tried to do a few different things, you will hear things that we do talk about a lot because I mean they are things that need to be said over and over. And since we learned through repetition, that’s one of the ways that it works. But we also tried to give you little things that may not be like the first things you think about. So hopefully you’ll be surprised and learn

Kevin Anthony 1:53
are plenty of new things on here that you’ve probably never heard.

Céline Remy 1:57
Teach it or what does it teach an old dog a new trick?

Kevin Anthony 2:01
No, that is a myth. You can absolutely teach old dogs new tricks. So

Céline Remy 2:06
that’s what we’re about to do for everyone listening. You might be a young dog though.

Kevin Anthony 2:13
Alright, be a down dog. Doggy style.

Céline Remy 2:19
Let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsors before we get too crazy. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power in mastery at power and mastery.com it is the most complete sexual mastery training for men.

Céline Remy 2:34
Whether you want to have hard directions last longer to increase your sexual skills, there is something for you at power and mastery.com. So make sure you visit the site after the episode The link will be in the description below or simply go directly to power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 2:51
Okay, so these are not in any particular order. We just sat down and brainstormed a list. Selene was on fire. She was adding them so fast. Like I was trying to skip down to the next line in the shared doc and I was like, wow, I can’t even keep up your dear so on fire. So yeah, no no particular order, we’re just going to kind of go through them and give you kind of an explanation of what each one is. So let’s start with the first one. Number one, greet each other with love.

Céline Remy 3:21
And that’s really how this episode came to be. Because I noticed this morning. At this moment, we not waking up at the same same time I have a different morning routine that I do something by myself, that takes me like 45 minutes. And so instead of like I was like how can I fit this in my schedule, what I decided to do was to just wake up earlier, and I just put on the alarm clock go as quietly as I can like a little mouse often I wake up just before that.

Céline Remy 3:45
So I try not to wake Kevin up, and then go downstairs and do all of my little rituals. And what I noticed is when Kevin comes downstairs later, it’s like we like Good morning love. Hi, how are you? And I was just realizing how amazing it was to be greeted with love and I realized that it’s not always how I grew up when I saw when my parents greeted each other or other people that I know. Granted I know not everybody’s a morning person. But there’s something so

Kevin Anthony 4:14
sweet you’re not I’m not a morning person.

Céline Remy 4:16
And you’ve greeted me with love. So the concept of that is it really when you see the beloved sled that love show through your eyes communicate with it for you. You haven’t liked seeing each other and have that excitement.

Céline Remy 4:34
Sometimes we’re back to the dog and doggy analogy but I sometimes compare that to you know when you have a dog the dog is always happy to see you when you get home the dog wagging its tail is like ready to jump on you in love all over you. Every time you come into the room. The dog is like oh my gosh, you’re here. I’m so excited. You’re here. You’re my playmate. Think about that attitude and show like sharp like this for your partner.

Kevin Anthony 4:57
Yeah, and so you know this morning we Come down, we say good morning, you know exactly what the kissing hump is. We also do that every time somebody comes home. Yes, that’s kind of one of the rules in our house is if somebody is out and you come home and the other person’s home, you stop whatever you’re doing, you know, within reason.

Kevin Anthony 5:16
Obviously, if you’re in a meeting or something like that, you know, I can’t hold on boss, let me readout, you know, but otherwise, we go out of our way to make sure that we agree with the other person.

Céline Remy 5:26
Okay, let’s move on to number two, share appreciation. If you have been listening to the Love Lab for a while, you know that we have been, we’ve been talking about this for

Kevin Anthony 5:38
years. This is one we talk about a lot.

Céline Remy 5:41
But why do we do that? It’s because it works sense

Kevin Anthony 5:45
Exactly. Because it works. That’s why it’s super important to share the things that you appreciate about each other on a regular basis. Here’s the thing, a lot of times this is true for guys, maybe not as true for women. But a lot of times we think these things, but we don’t voice them.

Kevin Anthony 6:03
So we might think, Wow, she looks really good in that outfit today while we’re in the middle of doing something, but we don’t stop and take the time to say I tell her later when I’m done with this thing. And then we forget

Céline Remy 6:13
right later never come right later never comes and she won’t come. Because you forgot to appreciate her.

Kevin Anthony 6:21
Well, remember, appreciation is lubrication. We say communication. But yes, appreciation is also lubrication. So, yeah, just the idea of all just the little things, if you notice your hair, if you notice her outfit if you’re appreciative of the fact that she made a nice meal or on the other side if you appreciate the fact that he took all the trash out, or he fixed the thing around the house that was broken.

Kevin Anthony 6:45
Or he picked up the clothes that are normally on the floor, you know, whatever it is, make it a point to voice those things and let the other person know that you know what you noticed. And it makes a difference to you and you appreciate it.

Céline Remy 6:59
And little dip for the women who are like, well, he doesn’t give me appreciation. Don’t just wait until he does it, ask for it. And you ask him I was asked given Give me three things, five things, seven things. I’m in some ways, again, the 17 things if I’m really crazy. But the whole point is rather than waiting and thinking oh, he’s not giving me what I need, or he’s not appreciating me ask for it.

Céline Remy 7:22
And then it’s literally going to create a new habit. And it’s a new game. And it’s a game we play all the time, we try to play it every single day. And if it’s more important to her than it is to him like it is in our relationship, then I often receive it more than Kevin does. But I also make sure to appreciate him in many ways that work for him. Alright, let’s move on to number three.

Kevin Anthony 7:44
All right, number three, sleep naked. Alright, I, first of all, I hate sleeping with clothes on less now because I’ve been focusing on not moving as much but I tend to move a bit when I sleep. You know, it’s I get all tangled up in whatever clothes. Frickin is uncomfortable.

Kevin Anthony 8:03
But the point about Sleeping Naked isn’t so much about your comfort level. It’s about sharing the reality that skin-to-skin contact as you cuddle and as you know, maybe touch each other when you wake up in the morning and you’ve got access to all the right bits. And it just, it really really really creates an atmosphere that leads to more cuddling, more touching more fondling more turn on.

Céline Remy 8:30
And the other cool thing too is that it brings it to normal to be naked. And not just touching each other doesn’t have to always lead to something else. Yeah, because for a lot of people that like oh, if she’s naked and we happen to be naked together, then it has to go somewhere.

Kevin Anthony 8:46
Yeah, this is a big misconception about being naked. This is what people who don’t understand things like nude beaches and all want to ban everybody from because you’re naked. That must mean you’re all having sex. No. being naked has nothing to do with sex. It just so happens that to have sex, you’d have to get naked or at least partially naked, just to hold but boy, you’re flying down and watch out for the zipper. Naked has nothing to do with sex.

Kevin Anthony 9:19
That’s this is just as simple as that. So yes, there’s no, there’s no expectation that just because you’re naked, you’re gonna have sex, maybe you will, maybe won’t, but we will say this We talk a lot about the constant state of arousal. This is one of those ways that you can create that constant state of arousal the more naked you are, the more turned on you are I mean, that’s true.

Kevin Anthony 9:40
Especially when it’s warm out is one of the reasons why I love summer, you know, because you’ll be walking around either naked or like hardly wearing anything and it’s just every time I see you walk by you could be mopping the floor and I see you go by I’m like a piece of me

Céline Remy 10:02
to move on to number four, number four is about getting physical together. So whether you like to work out, exercise together, go for a walk, but do a physical activity together. There’s something about moving that energy getting into your body and sharing that moment together. That is really healthy for relationships and not in a competitive way.

Céline Remy 10:26
It’s not like, Hey, I did 100 pushups, how many did you do, I’m going to be to adapt, you know, but it’s about also sharing, sharing, like different like goals and things, which we’ll come back to it later pride. But maybe you each have a goal to lose a certain amount of weight, or to build certain muscle mass, or to feel healthier in your body or be more flexible. So you get to encourage each other on that goal and support each other.

Céline Remy 10:52
And, you know, sometimes working out is, it can be challenging or difficult. You’re not always in the mood. But having a buddy to do this with keeps you motivated and going.

Kevin Anthony 11:02
Yeah, as part of our morning routines one of the things we do every morning is we work out together in our little home gym. So we

Céline Remy 11:09
do that’s great. And then sometimes in summer, it’s naked. That’s true. TMI, TMI, sorry, sorry,

Kevin Anthony 11:16
the constant state of arousal. Alright, number five on the list, meditate together. This is actually a really great practice. I mean, meditation itself is a great practice. And you know, I don’t think we have enough time really to talk about all of the benefits of meditation in this particular episode. But not only is it amazing for you for many, many reasons. It’s really great to do it together.

Céline Remy 11:41
Well, and here’s why. If you’re not doing it, you want to do it. Because you might be thinking, Yeah, okay, these hippies like, I don’t want to join that come on, they can do it on their own. When you make love, love-making is better when you present when you want to be in the moment when you can get out of your head.

Céline Remy 11:58
But the process of getting out of your head is a habit that you create every single day by learning to tune out the thoughts and connect with your body by just being present. And it doesn’t just happen by accident. Through meditation, you develop that practice, you do a daily practice, whether it’s five minutes, 10 minutes, 20 minutes, half-hour, I don’t care, it doesn’t matter.

Céline Remy 12:20
It’s through the regular practice of showing up to be present, observing your breath of whatever you’re doing, or listening to a mantra guided meditation, whatever you like, there are so many different styles, but it teaches you to get out of your head to tune out the thoughts so that you can become more present. And mindfulness makes sex better. It tends Tenex it

Kevin Anthony 12:42
Yeah. So you know, if you ask women, what is one of the number one things that they want during sex, it’s a man’s presence. And if you ask anybody, a man or a woman, what one of their number one challenges is, during sex, it will be getting out of their head. Yes, always is we’ve worked with 1000s of people at this point.

Kevin Anthony 13:02
It’s nearly everybody has some challenge, getting out of their head and getting into their physical body and really present for the sexual act. I don’t know if this has always been like this, but it’s definitely an issue in our modern society. Because it’s far too prevalent from what we’ve seen, like nearly everybody we work with has this challenge?

Céline Remy 13:24
Well, I think we all overstressed and that’s another thing like when we feel stressed, you when you’re stressed, you’re not horny. So Meditation allows you to reduce some of the stress so there’s physical exercise, hence why being like being physical together. So there’s a lot more behind those hacks than just what we’re sharing in this short little time that we have with you today.

Céline Remy 13:45
Alright, let’s move on to our number six is about cultivating your own passion while you are in a coupleship. And it’s amazing to share everything together, it’s still important to keep your own individuality. So having a relationship is about creating inter-dependency, not codependency. So it’s about having the things we do together but having the things that feed me what is it what are your passions, I don’t care what they are good.

Céline Remy 14:16
Give yourself time on a regular basis to feed your on passion because when your cup is full, and you flowing with this creative energy with these juices, you will feel happier, you will feel hornier and it will we’ll look into your relationship and not

Kevin Anthony 14:33
only that it’s more attractive to your partner. In fact, I just did a video on this on YouTube not too long, about not too long ago about the fact that men have to be passionate about something because that passion comes through in who you are in your relationship and it’s very attractive to women. If women see you and you’re like there’s nothing really about life that I’m all that excited about.

Kevin Anthony 14:56
I don’t really have any hobbies and am passionate about what is like, like totally unattractive to a woman. But if a man is like, I am absolutely passionate about restoring old cars, and she’s like, I don’t give a fuck about cars, just care about that. But what she loves is the fact that you’re passionate about it. Because if you’re passionate about something, then she knows that you can be passionate about her.

Céline Remy 15:19
Ooh, and it works both ways. By the way, just to be clear. I love number seven,

Kevin Anthony 15:25
are you number seven? I know we’re going back and forth,

Céline Remy 15:27
but didn’t go for number seven. I still love it.

Kevin Anthony 15:31
Alright, number seven, the person who cooks doesn’t do the dishes. Oh, yeah, you do love this one, because you love to cook. And then I got to do all the dishes. Yeah, uh-huh. Well, okay. So we’re joking. And we’re laughing. Although we are being serious, that is often how it works in our relationship. The point is, is it’s not put all the burden of a daily task on one particular person.

Kevin Anthony 15:53
So if somebody you know, has the task of doing all of the cooking, while the other person’s probably on their cell phone or doing whatever it is they do, then when the meal is over, then the other person gets to rest. And then you get to, you know, do the dishes or clean up the counters, or whatever it is. And so you’re sharing the load, we’re going to talk more about that when we get to the end of the list. And we talked a little bit about keeper roles, too, because there’s somewhat related those two,

Céline Remy 16:24
I will come back to that. Number eight, if you can, we know it’s not possible for everyone, but have your own separate room that you can close the door and lock if you want to. But having a space that you call your own has a space that you can decorate for.

Céline Remy 16:42
Exactly, I don’t care how you name it. But it’s whatever like this is like your space. And it doesn’t mean the other person can go in and you can invite your partner in it. But it’s something very special. If you can have a place that is yours. And where you can do anything that

Kevin Anthony 17:00
you want. Yeah, you know, and if you don’t have a big house, you can do double duty. I mean, we literally film this show in my this is my man cave slash studio slash guest bedroom. Like it does kind of everything. But you know that that’s why my guitars are all hanging on the wall over here. And there’s other music equipment that’s off this set that you can’t see.

Kevin Anthony 17:20
And this is my place where I come to just play music, sometimes read a book, you know, watch a video or something like that. It’s just kind of my little getaway space. And we don’t have a huge house. So we don’t have a bunch of extra rooms. I don’t have a whole basement, I can turn into my man cave.

Kevin Anthony 17:35
But you know, how often do we have guests? Not that often? How often? Do we record videos and podcasts? Well, we do pretty frequently, but it’s only for an hour or two here or there. And the rest of the time I get to use it as a man gave.

Céline Remy 17:49
Yes. And it works. It’s if you don’t have a full room, have a corner in a room have a place where you can have your own altar or something special that’s dear to your hearts.

Kevin Anthony 18:03
All right, number nine. Thank each other for everything. You know, this is again, somewhat similar to appreciation, but it is different, right? Because in appreciation, you say, hey, you know, I really appreciate that you did so and so blah, blah, blah, okay, that’s great. But in this one, it’s more of like, oh, you put that thing away that I left on the counter. Thank you.

Céline Remy 18:28
Thank you for being you. Thank you for being amazing, you know, thank you for making my life easier. Like, just, it’s just that

Kevin Anthony 18:36
thank you for having such an amazing penis. Couldn’t be that too?

Céline Remy 18:41
Exactly. It was I mean, as you can see, it’s you don’t have to stop, you know?

Kevin Anthony 18:48
Well, the cool thing about this is sometimes when I teach men in coaching, as the appreciation, you know, we call it the appreciation game, but the practice of that, sometimes I gotta think about things. And I got to come up with a thing. And first of all, I tell them, It’s not that hard, like, and I show them all the different ways in which they could find stuff.

Kevin Anthony 19:07
But this is even easier than that. You don’t have to think of anything. If the person did anything, even remotely, you know, cool. Just say thanks. Like, as you walked in, you walked out of a room and you forgot to turn the light off, and they turn it off for you. And you’re like, Oh, hey, thanks for doing that. And the

Céline Remy 19:25
the thing too in the thank you if you can make eye contact and just like take a half a second to just I see you and I love you.

Kevin Anthony 19:32
But might be the six it might

Céline Remy 19:37
not deltoid to be in the mood, create the mood. So you’ve probably heard us talk about this. The misconception is we’ve got to be in the mood to have sex and we’re going to wait until both of us and it happens that all the planets are aligned at the same time and basically it happens about never. And so the idea is that you don’t wait for that you create the mood.

Céline Remy 20:00
And we have lots of other hacks and tips and techniques and episodes on how to make that happen. So, scroll into the Love Lab podcast show to Find episodes that cover that subject. But really understand that it doesn’t matter whether or not you are in the mood, you just need to choose to do something about it.

Kevin Anthony 20:19
This is huge. This is one of the biggest sex life hacks that you will ever learn. I know it sounds simple, and you’re like, but I thought I needed to learn the tip, triple tongue twist, nipple, blah, blah, blah. But no, no, this is probably one of the biggest sex life hacks ever. Because too many couples, sometimes I’m not in the mood. Who cares if you’re in the mood.

Kevin Anthony 20:42
Here’s the thing too, about women are most of the time, they don’t start out in the mood. I mean, this is really true. Like they got way too much going on in their head, especially if their mom or if they work, which is basically every woman she’s either a mom and or she works right, especially in today’s day, and it’s too much going on in her mind. Like,

Céline Remy 21:02
in some moments reverse. Like we don’t feel the desire and the arousal until we like pass we realize it later. So it’s like you gotta really like give like if you know that about yourself. Understand that somehow your brain and your body connect differently. And you just have to wait it out. And then suddenly, we’ll click Nick. Oh, yeah, I was aroused. Or I was open. I just didn’t really realize you

Kevin Anthony 21:28
forgot. It’s the other way around. Like we’re hoping we get a boner like, huh, yeah. All right, let’s do it. But for women, totally different. They don’t feel that desire first. You got to get moving first. And then the desire comes in. I wouldn’t say every woman but a lot of women and not every time I remember, women are constantly changing and flowing. But that is a relatively true generalization.

Kevin Anthony 21:51
Yes. All right, number 11. Don’t share constructive criticism. Oh, yeah. This is a good one, too. Because, honestly, there’s really no such thing as constructive criticism. That’s not there’s criticism. That’s also here. Well, that and that’s exactly the point. You said it right there. That’s all you hear?

Kevin Anthony 22:13
Because the reality is, is yes, there is constructive criticism, there are things that you can say that you know, hey, maybe need to be said, because somebody needs to change something, or they could be doing something different or better. The problem is, the only thing they hear is the criticism.

Céline Remy 22:30
Yeah. And honestly, don’t think about your partner as this pet project that you got to change and improve. It’s not like home improvement is all you need to Do not husband improvement, a wife improvement, or whatever that is. Don’t focus on that. Honestly, change happens better by appreciating each other.

Céline Remy 22:50
And it’s funny when people are like, Yeah, but like, he doesn’t do this, or she doesn’t do that. Why should I appreciate her and like, watch, when you have a kid or a partner, it doesn’t matter? When do they change when you nag them about the socks left on the floor. Or when you tell them, I just really love it that you started picking up your socks more often.

Kevin Anthony 23:09
It’s positive reinforcement versus negative reinforcement. And, you know, if we’re talking about children, they’ve done studies on this, which one works better. And positive reinforcement always works better. The problem with negative reinforcement, is that we don’t have a lot of time to go into this, but it only motivates people to a certain point. In other words, it motivates them just far enough to not get yelled at.

Kevin Anthony 23:28
But it doesn’t really create any lasting change because all they want to do is avoid the punishment. Whereas if you do it the other way around, it actually will create some lasting change because they want to always be in that place of like, I did a good job.

Céline Remy 23:44
Alright, we’re getting like, about halfway through so we’re gonna keep moving. So we’ve got number 12. Apologize when you’re wrong. And then let go. A simple I’m sorry is simple. I apologize. And then both let it go, but being willing to acknowledge I was wrong, I made a mistake. I’m sorry, or I apologize. Go so long.

Kevin Anthony 24:08
If you’re watching the video, you probably saw me like my head going down and shaking. I was in a relationship in the past with somebody who literally she could not apologize for anything ever. Like, you know that there’s a lot of times where we’re partners won’t apologize for little things.

Kevin Anthony 24:27
But if they know they were really out of line on a big thing, they’ll apologize, you know, so that’s better at least because at least on the big things, you get some acknowledgment that yeah, I fucked up, you know, but I had I’m not gonna say her name, but I had her she would just, she could never say she was wrong ever. She could never, ever apologize.

Kevin Anthony 24:51
The best you could get like if you had hands down 100% proof that what she did was absolutely wrong, like no gray areas. at all like black and white, you fucked up, she would just go silent. That was the best I could get if she didn’t argue back with me. I knew she got it that she realized she had fucked up. But the problem is, is terrible because it builds up massive resentment.

Kevin Anthony 25:16
Because even though I know that she’s realized that she did something wrong, because she’s just gone silent, and she’s not arguing with me that no, I really did it. Right. Like, that was how I always knew once she knew that I was right, she would just go quiet. It still would nag me like, why can’t you just say I’m sorry?

Céline Remy 25:34
Yeah, it’s simple, simple. Few words. You know, you’ve heard the saying, right. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? And that’s kind of where it comes down to? And ultimately, the simple I’m sorry or apologize, or I won’t, I was wrong. They just allow you to be happy and just be at peace in yourself, in yourself within yourself, and in your relationship.

Kevin Anthony 25:54
That’s something to not, I mean, I’ve generally always been the kind of person that does say I’m sorry. So I don’t really know what the other person’s feeling. But I have to imagine that it’s having a negative impact on them as well. Because they know they act up and they just can’t say it. You know, it’s totally digging it then as well over time. Yes.

Céline Remy 26:16
Alright, let’s take a quick break here for another little invitation to your dear listeners, if you are a committed couple, and you feel stuck in a rut and you love, by the way, all of the life hacks that we are sharing with you, we’ve got way more than the 25 that we have put together here.

Céline Remy 26:32
And we can help you bring the passion back between the sheets, have great sex, and move out of the average capital into the power couple that you are. So if you give us 90 days, we can we’d like to invite you to join us in our highly sex power couple platinum program which will help you to be synched up sexually and have more passion and purpose in life. So go to Celine remy.com, forward slash passion to learn more about our program, we can’t wait to work with you. Oh my goodness, we are on the at the number forteen.

Kevin Anthony 27:08
So here we go. Okay, let’s

Céline Remy 27:09
let’s talk less, can we do that?

Kevin Anthony 27:11
Oh, boy, that’s hard for us. We can just talk a little faster. How about that? Number 13 Always expect that your partner is doing their best, this is a good one. Because a lot of times we just get annoyed at people for the things that they do. And we never stopped to put ourselves in their shoes and think about Wait a minute what’s going on in their life?

Kevin Anthony 27:30
What’s really happening with them? And are they really trying and, you know, if you have a good partner, they’re most likely trying even when they do eff up, they’re most likely trying and you can’t really be mad at somebody if they gave it their best? And they still have to up like you. You can’t you know,

Céline Remy 27:46
and love to the idea that you see the best in the person, right. And I think that’s even in another point where it’s like, rather than like, Oh, he’s always this jerk, or she’s this, like, now expect the best from your partner and know that they really do it. Number 14, you are on the same team not playing opposite teams.

Kevin Anthony 28:07
This is huge. This is so huge, because so many of the couples that we see there, they’re literally it’s like two opposing teams in the stadium like the stadium is the house. But you got two opposite teams competing all the time. This is not how any intimate relationship is supposed to be.

Kevin Anthony 28:29
Whether you’re married, you’re just dating or you’re just casually fucking it doesn’t matter. This is not how a relationship is supposed to be. You need to be on the same team. And if you have kids, then you really got to be on the same team. Because those kids will split you every opportunity they can get to get their way you have to be a united front on the same team

Céline Remy 28:53
doesn’t mean you have all of the shared same opinions and views on everything. But it’s that unit, that strength that comes from being united, and sometimes it’s okay to be united in one viewpoint that may not be used because it’s important at that moment to show the united front.

Kevin Anthony 29:14
Yes, I mean, this is why you have you know, boards of directors, you think they all think the same thing all the time. No, but they’re a team and they’re working together for a common shared goal.

Céline Remy 29:23
You already talking about one of the things we have, they’re going to number 15

Kevin Anthony 29:29
Oh yeah, give what you enjoy giving. This is another great relationship hack. Okay, so what do we mean by that? What we mean by that is that you know, you should always be giving to your partner, but a lot of times people think it’s a chore, you know, it’s like, oh, or they’re doing it just to get something back, like here around the guy. I’m going to give you a back rub so that hopefully you’ll get turned on and you’ll have sex with me, right?

Kevin Anthony 29:52
This happens all the time and that’s the wrong reason to be giving. So in your relationship, you should be giving to your partner, right and your partner should be giving to you. But you should be giving things that you actually enjoy giving, if you love to give massages, then give massages. But if you hate giving massages, don’t give a massage, give her a district ticket to go get a massage and give to her in some other way that you do enjoy.

Céline Remy 30:15
Yeah, and the thing is, when you give what you enjoy giving, you never come to a place where you’re like, I don’t want to give anymore. It’s too much. And also that, like, you don’t have to have expectations that if I give this, he has to give it back to me the same thing. It’s like, no, it’s like, what is the thing that really lights you up? What brings you that element of joy?

Kevin Anthony 30:38
This is why I’m so good at Oral say. Because I love giving it

Céline Remy 30:43
this is why I am so good at oral sex

Céline Remy 30:51
or that you are good at it too. So absolutely. Just being silly here.

Kevin Anthony 30:55
Alright, number 16 have shared common goals. Yeah, this is really big in a relationship is that you have some shared common goals like what are your goals together? Is it that you want to have kids is it that you want to build a business is it that you want to own a certain home live in certain places travel to certain places like whatever they are, these are the types of things that really keep you going together over the long term is that you have shared goals that you’re both working towards.

Céline Remy 31:23
And that kind of leads us to number 17, which is to have a larger purpose for being together. So you have the goals, the short term, long term goals, but you also want to have something that’s bigger than that, that larger purpose. And this is really important in a long-term relationship.

Céline Remy 31:41
At first, you can sustain yourself on water and sex really, that’s a really unique, it’s like, so high from the endorphins and all of the hormones that are a little water, a lot of sex, exactly. But if you’ve been together for a long time, then you know that things do change. And then life happens and has a larger purpose. And if you’ve done any, like self-development work or working on your business and stuff, they always ask and start with what’s your why, why are you doing this?

Céline Remy 32:09
And you want to bring that same principle to your relationship? Why are you being together? What’s the larger purpose because you will experience difficult times? And that’s deeper why that deeper reason is what makes you take together even when things are tough. And

Kevin Anthony 32:26
it’s got to be good why? Because seriously, because you know couples that have been together for a long time sometimes the why is because I don’t have any money and I can’t be here be you know, this is what women think a lot of times when they’re stuck in relationships, they don’t like that. Well, why are you in this relationship?

Kevin Anthony 32:43
Well, because he’s a good provider because I raised the kids all these years, I don’t have a degree and I don’t have any job experience. And I can’t really leave and I’m kind of like that’s not a good one. A good one could be you know, maybe you’ve been together for a number of years. But you both agree that you really want to not only have children but raise awesome children.

Kevin Anthony 33:05
Like that’s a shared common goal that you have to raise little human beings and turn them into good people, you know, like that could be it could be you want to build a business together? It could be that just the

Céline Remy 33:18
the fact of you being together is adding more positivity into the world.

Kevin Anthony 33:22
Yeah. So we had some friends that that was that was how they decided whether or not they should stay in a relationship or not. They said as long as us together bring more good into the world than not, then we should stay together. But that was what their shared goals like they wanted to positively impact the world by being together. After about a decade or so when they realized that wasn’t really happening.

Kevin Anthony 33:45
They said You know what, we still love each other and it’s all great, but we’re not having that impact anymore because of the way we’re relating together and they chose to separate but that’s a great shared common goal. Okay, at number 18 have a date night Oh, we talked about this all the time. We can go by this pretty quickly because

Céline Remy 34:06
we just did a whole show on that just a few weeks ago said you can go back to Lesson three like why you should have a date night and all of these things because we talked about it for 40 minutes.

Kevin Anthony 34:17
You should definitely listen to it if you weren’t sure you will be by the time you finish that episode.

Céline Remy 34:23
Number 19 commit to regular Central Time. And we wrote central times not just sexual, but to a time where you are naked together playing with each other’s bodies without expectations. Ideally, it would be nice to have some sex because ultimately I mean that’s what it is to be in a relationship with somebody otherwise you’re just friends. So, every relationship is different, but committing to regular time that you cultivate wherever you call this yours.

Céline Remy 34:52
Tantra time, your sex time, your sexy time like I don’t care but it’s about putting energy into that part. Have your relationship because it’s so easy to get lost in all of the different roles that you play? I am a mom, I am. I am a lawyer I am this I am that. And then it’s like, oh, yeah, my wife and then like, I am we lovers and lovers, what’s that, like, we totally forgot about that. She wants to have that and commit to that time regularly.

Céline Remy 35:21
And I know for some, it sounds not sexy to have to write it down. And to put it into the calendar, but our lives, we live by our calendars. If it’s not in our calendars, it doesn’t happen. And so if you are noticing that your sex life is not happening the way you want it, then start by putting it on the calendar and start flair. And then little Bella is all you know, you don’t have to go to penetration just go for like naked massages, or oral sex or just sensual touch and then see if there’s anything else that can come from it if you want.

Kevin Anthony 35:52
Mm-hmm. Okay, number 20. Housekeeper roles. This is somewhat similar to what we’re talking about with the dishes versus cooking. But there is a distinction here that is different. So way back on the show, we had a couple on called Rondo and Sierra and they’re the ones that use the term keeper roles. We kind of had an idea of that, but we never really formalized it in that way. So give them a little shout-out for that.

Kevin Anthony 36:17
But basically, what it means is, there are certain things that each one of you, it’s sort of your responsibility to take care of and know why this is such a huge relationship hack is because when you have it clearly defined, then there’s no I thought you were going to do it. I thought you were gonna do it. Well, you usually do it. Yeah, but I was busy doing like, you just know that this is your thing to take care of, and you just do it.

Kevin Anthony 36:39
That way, you don’t have to do the nagging thing, like I keep asking you to do the thing, that thing? You know, it’s like, no, you know, like, for me, I’m, you know, this is so typically, you know, man, but like, I take care of all the dirty shit outside, you know, like, it’s my job to, you know, clean up the dead animals or to take out the trash.

Céline Remy 37:00
Like yesterday, however, I had these indoor plants that are starting to like, not look so good. And so basically what I did is I put them outside, and I said, one of the years to take care of the outside.

Kevin Anthony 37:12
Right. But that’s the thing is by doing that, by making it clear, you know, who’s gonna take charge and responsibility for what thing? You don’t have any that resentment that builds up because things aren’t getting done, or maybe not getting done the way that you thought they should get done. Like, that’s another part, right? Which is that because I’m the keeper of a particular task, I get to decide how it gets done. That’s true.

Céline Remy 37:34
And you decide what tasks you want because, in that particular couple, I think Sierra really liked doing the trash and stuff. So it’s not like they don’t have to be like gender-specific keepers. Like what is it that you love to do? Or that you at least that doesn’t bother you.

Céline Remy 37:49
Because let’s be frank, taking care of a house in a household, there are things that need to happen that you may not really, really want to do. But there are things that you might be okay doing.

Kevin Anthony 37:59
And that’s the thing. And so you get to choose, and you get to pick the ones that you like doing better, which means you’re more likely to do them. So for instance, I don’t necessarily like scooping up dead animals and taking out the trash, right. However, I hate vacuuming. I just hate it. It’s just such a tedious, annoying thing.

Kevin Anthony 38:19
Nobody has designed a vacuum that a man wants to use. Trust me, I know, I know exactly what I would design. And that would make it so much easier. But I don’t have time to design a vacuum. So. So I would take the trash task over vacuuming any day of the week,

Céline Remy 38:34
I’ll take vacuuming because I don’t mind it. See, that’s how it goes. Yeah, see that communication? This is something that we sat down, we shared different things. And we’re like what needs to happen? Do we need to do it all? Do we can we outsource some of these things, because that’s another thing. You don’t have to do everything yourself. You can outsource things.

Céline Remy 38:50
And then what’s left who wants to take care of what and that’s how we get to that. Number 21. Don’t argue about things you don’t care about. This is huge. This is huge. Some people get energy from arguing. And that’s not a healthy way to get the attention that you seek want and need. And really in a relationship if you realize that you could really let go about this and it’s not something that you care about. Let it go Let it go stop arguing. Save your energy for things that truly matter.

Kevin Anthony 39:21
Yeah, for sure. You do not need to draw a line in the sand over stupid shit. You really don’t. Okay, next 20 to have code words to defuse arguments. This is actually really good. So if you’ve had a discussion already, and there’s something that tends to come up over and over again and you’ve talked about it and you’re aware of it, you could say hey, Okay, the next time this comes up, how about you know, I just say, muskrat Jack muskrat. But

Céline Remy 39:53
we had the example where I tend to spin and get too anxious with things So, I overworked, overstressed myself and it’s totally self-created. Now, if

Kevin Anthony 40:05
you don’t tell him your code word, don’t make up a different codeword. We can’t have that code word out in public. The code word then but just muskrat, it’s a generic code were the parents, by the way, if you don’t get the reference,

Céline Remy 40:18
but the thing was, I realized that if a given comes in and tells me, okay, you’re stressing yourself out, this is not going to work. What does it do? It keeps me more stressed. And I’m mad at him that it doesn’t work that you know,

Kevin Anthony 40:31
that’s the point is you can’t say even if you’ve had the discussion before, like, let’s just say, you know, the person happens to I don’t know, always get angry at a certain thing that happens. You can’t say, oh, there you go. Again, getting angry about that thing. The first thing it does is a trigger, instantly trigger. Communication. But since we’ve had this, I could just simply say, muskrat,

Céline Remy 40:56
red, banana, whatever you want it to be, it doesn’t matter. We chose something that was actually funny. And that is for us. And that’s one of the things when you have all these little code things to you feel like you’re a team, it builds like, you know, you have a whole vocabulary that’s your own?

Kevin Anthony 41:13
Well, yeah, and the thing with our covert is because it’s funny that when I do say it to you, it totally makes you stop and laugh. And that diffuses the whole like getting in that manic mode

Céline Remy 41:23
does. And so try it because it really works. It will just stop the pattern interrupting an interruption work?

Kevin Anthony 41:31
Well, that’s exactly what it is. It’s a pattern interrupt. Yes, that’s it that I mean, technically, from a psychological point of view or NLP point of view. It’s a pattern interrupter.

Céline Remy 41:39
So give yourself permission to go crazy on that. Alright, we’re coming to our last few ones here. So number 23. This is a little bit more maybe for the guys, but well for the women for the men, but have a honey to-do list. So you don’t have to nag him. And usually, I find that these types of lists work best for the guys. And you just put down all the things that you want to be done. And then you can just let him take care of it when he wants,

Kevin Anthony 42:06
I have a honey-do this for you as well, you know what’s on it, sex, me.

Céline Remy 42:19
And I and I take good care of my list, and I make sure I do it often.

Kevin Anthony 42:24
Check a lot of things out.

Céline Remy 42:27
But again, the whole idea is that you have to learn to let go, you have to let the other person be who they are, and do things in their own timing, even if it’s not your own. That’s one of the things that you have to learn in a relationship. And you’re there multiple ways to do the same thing.

Céline Remy 42:42
And even though we always think that our ways are the best way, it’s okay, as long as you get there, if the route they took is different, as long as you get to the destination, that’s all that matters. But I find that the lists also can help us also with the list, you know, maybe you have a, we can only have five items at a time rather than like there are 87 items that need to be taken care of because it can be overwhelming.

Céline Remy 43:06
But the good thing about the list too is that you don’t have to go interrupt your partner when they get in the middle of something or at an inconvenient time. And then they can just be like, Hey, I’ve got the energy or extra time, I want to do something for her that will make her happy. Is there something on the honey to-do list? And speaking off the list, because we don’t really have it in here. One of our lists that I found worked really well was to do a romance list.

Céline Remy 43:30
And so I had put together a document with all the things that I considered romantic. So that and that was at the beginning of our relationship. And you know, now that we like six years in Kevin hasn’t even opened the document in years. But at the beginning, it was a good help for him when he felt like I want to do something romantic for her, and I’m not quite sure you would open it or get inspired by

Kevin Anthony 43:52
it. No, I know you well enough to know what things you like to think are romantic, but early on, it was good because you know, every woman is different, like what you think is a romantic gesture. Another woman might be like, whatever, you know, and vice versa. So yeah, it was very helpful in the beginning. Okay. Number 24.

Kevin Anthony 44:09
Commit to the relationship fully. Who, you know, this is another one that we see a lot where, you know, people say they’re committed to a relationship. But when you look at their actions, their actions don’t show that they’re really committed.

Céline Remy 44:23
They have one foot in one foot out, they still looking that the grass is greener somewhere else so they keep an exit open somewhere.

Kevin Anthony 44:30
Like the song says, I got one foot on the platform and the other one on the train right here. You’re always leaving little wiggle room there. That’s not how a successful relationship works in a successful relationship. You literally burn the boats right so you know exactly.

Kevin Anthony 44:46
You know the story about why when the Army showed up on the shores, the general burned the boats so that the people the soldiers would have no choice it’s fight or die like and that’s not saying fight or die. relationship. But the point is, is that you burn the boat, you close the door so that you have no choice but to do everything you can to be successful. Yeah,

Céline Remy 45:09
that’s powerful. And it can be scary. And unless you’re with the right person, if it feels too scary and you don’t want to do it, that might be a sign that it’s not the right relationship. Mm-hmm. Number 25. Last on our list for today.

Céline Remy 45:23
Be honest. Above all, be honest.

Kevin Anthony 45:27
Yes, radically honest, compassionately, honest. But be honest.

Céline Remy 45:34
You know, I think it’s fantastic to be able to be 100% yourself with your person. And this is also what honesty is yourself fully. And also, just don’t hold things back. Don’t hide things. Be honest. If something is not working for you, like have that communication, and just be willing to go to the places that even don’t, you know, don’t look as good.

Kevin Anthony 45:59
Yeah, and if you’re a guy, this doesn’t mean dumping all your emotions all over your woman but not being on you. I look fat because I really feel insecure. And I really this I really that and I’m dumping it out. That’s not what I mean. It’s not I mean,

Céline Remy 46:11
now, do I look fat in this outfit?

Kevin Anthony 46:14
No. In fact, that is The Most Slimming outfit you Oh, you look amazing. Is that what we’re talking about? Okay, that was a little bit of a joke. But guys, you seriously, you know, if a woman ever, ever, ever asks you if she looks fat, there is only one right answer to that question. No. Well, I

Céline Remy 46:37
don’t know. It’s a good one. We had made a video years ago.

Kevin Anthony 46:40
That no, you cannot say she looks fat. You’re right.

Céline Remy 46:43
You can’t say she looks fat. But you could say this is not the most flattering outfit.

Kevin Anthony 46:49
You could say that. That’s honesty. That’s about as far as you can. You can No, say she looks fat. You could say, You know what? That’s not my favorite outfit on you. I like the other one that you wear a lot better.

Céline Remy 47:01
Yeah. And you look so sexy in that rabbit in our van. Yeah. So honesty, honesty all the way. Is my penis too small? Well, you know, honey. I really like that Dell, though. That 10 inches dildo that we bought. No, just kidding.

Céline Remy 47:16
Okay, this is the end of the show. And we get a little crazy.

Kevin Anthony 47:18
Okay, yeah. But you know, you got to tell them how you really answer that question. Because sometimes guys will ask, Is my penis too small? Yeah. So how would you answer that question?

Céline Remy 47:28
Do you know? I would, I would share all the ways that I’m satisfied with the penis.

Kevin Anthony 47:35
Okay, that’s good, that’s a good start. So first of all, I mean, you’ve had a range of different sized penises. If this is truly the smallest one you’ve ever had, then you can simply say, like you just said, which is here’s all the ways you know that it works for me. If it’s not the smallest you’ve ever had, then you lead with?

Kevin Anthony 47:55
Oh, no, I’ve had smaller, of course. And then and you know what those were okay, as well. And here are all the ways in which your penis does work for or you

Céline Remy 48:04
can be like, you know, I’ve measured and my G Spot is only three inches deep. So you’re like, double that. So you got

Kevin Anthony 48:11
Yeah, I mean, the average male penis is five inches. And yes, the average G Spot is only you know, three to four at the most I guess, maybe I be as far back as five but still, the average person is going to hit that right you know, so you’d have to be a pretty enormous woman because by five you’re already like service level deep.

Céline Remy 48:32
You’re right. You’re right.

Kevin Anthony 48:33
But anyway, the point is, is that yeah, that so now you know, women listening for man ever asked you if his penis is too small. Now you know how to answer that question.

Céline Remy 48:44
And to ask if she’s too fat, or it makes her look fat. Do you know how to say that most? Right.

Kevin Anthony 48:48
All right. We made it through the entire list of 25 things. We talked really fast. And now we need to go get a drink of water.

Céline Remy 48:57
But we do hope that it was helpful and that you got some good pointers and you hack and please put them together like put them into action because this is really where it makes a difference. It’s one thing to know something but it’s another to do it.

Kevin Anthony 49:11
Oh yes, that is very, very true. All right, everybody. We hope that was helpful. That is all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 49:32
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 49:46
Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing.