What Is Your Sexual Personality Type?

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab Podcast, a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman single or couple, this is the show for you. Because well, sex matters. We are your hosts Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 86. And it’s titled What is your sexual personality type? All right. Everybody loves to do personality tests. They’re like the biggest thing on Facebook and all the other social media and everybody’s putting them on their websites. Why? Because they are fun.

Kevin Anthony 0:48
But if you can also learn something from it something useful that you could use in your life, then that’s even better. So we have a special guest today and we’re going to dive into a personality type. test that she has, and I think it’s going to be really fun.

Céline Remy 1:03
Yeah, we’re going to make it sexual and sexy and juicy and all of that. But before we introduce our guests, let’s give a shout out to our sponsor, power and mastery. So if you want to join the secret club of men who are great and bad, then check out power and mastery. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. You can find it at power and mastery.com.

Céline Remy 1:27
So, today, we have a special guest her name is Vanessa Marin, and she is a licensed sex therapist specializing in helping people create extraordinary relationships and sex lives through her online courses like finishing school and how to orgasm and the passion project that couples blueprint to rediscovering desire and reigniting The Spark. As well as her one on one coaching work. She helps people stop feeling embarrassed about sex and start having way more fun in the bedroom. sounds just like what we do. So we’re really excited.

Céline Remy 2:03
She’s joined in the business by her husband Xander, and the two of them facilitate honest conversations about the challenges facing modern-day couples and equip people with actionable practical tools. Yes. And never team just like us. We so excited. So today we have Vanessa here with us. So welcome, Vanessa,

Vanessa Marin 2:25
thank you so much for having me. I’m really excited to be on the podcast.

Kevin Anthony 2:30
It’s a pretty impressive bio that you have there. So we’re really excited to dig into some of your knowledge and see what we can pull out there.

Vanessa Marin 2:41
It’s always so funny listening to a description of yourself. I’m like, Oh, yeah, that’s me.

Céline Remy 2:47
I’m blushing.

Kevin Anthony 2:50
Enjoy it because apparently you’ve earned it to put a lot of work in to be where you are. Yeah, so let’s dive right in because the questions are always the juicy part. And before we get into the personality quiz itself. I want to learn a little bit more about you. And so I’m always curious when I read somebody’s bio, and they actually went to school to become a sex therapist. So the first question I had is, why in the world made you decide to go learn sex therapy? study that?

Vanessa Marin 3:21
Yeah. So I have a funny story, actually, it really traced back to my parents trying to have the talk with me when I was about 11 or 12 years old. So I have this very distinctive memory of my parents, you know, trying to start asking the question, we were in our minivan cruising home from grandma’s house after dinner, and my parents looked at me in the rearview mirror and just asked, you know, if you have any questions about, you know, sex, you can ask us.

Vanessa Marin 3:53
And it was very obvious to me at that moment that even though they were telling me if you have any questions you can ask it was very clear that I was not supposed to ask any questions. And I remember being very confused about that and thinking, I do have a lot of questions. I’m starting to hear things, you know, from my friends on the playground at school and stuff like that. And I wanted to be able to ask and I just felt super confused about why am I not supposed to in this moment.

Vanessa Marin 4:21
And so even though I had no idea what a sex therapist was, barely knew what sex was at that moment, I just remember thinking, you know, this shouldn’t be so hard to talk about why is this so difficult? And so that really was the motivating factor that I just kind of kept coming back to that belief over and over again, why is this so hard? Why is it so embarrassing? And so yeah, once I got a little bit older and started realizing this actually is something that I could do for a career.

Vanessa Marin 4:50
I started trying to figure out how exactly to go about getting that training because I’m, as I’m sure you guys know, there’s not really a super clear defined career path for becoming a sexuality professional,

Kevin Anthony 5:02
Yeah, that’s because not only did your parents not want to talk about it, nobody else really wants to talk about it either. And I love your story it is so much like I think pretty much most of our show is not yours because you grew up in Europe and it was a little bit different. But for most of us, it was the same thing. Like think about that scenario, right?

Kevin Anthony 5:21
So you’re a psychologist, and your whole thing is like helping people communicate and talk to each other and that kind of stuff and helping them with their relationship. So what did your parents do? They waited for the worst moment like in a car, they got their back to you. They’re looking at you in the rearview mirror, and then they’re having this awkward conversation, right? I think that’s kind of what most of us went through in one awkward form or another.

Céline Remy 5:44
Well, little did they know that this was going to spark an entire career and I guess the time you read like, oh, I’m becoming a sex therapist, by the way. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me anything. Wink wink.

Kevin Anthony 6:00
Had they realized that was going to be the result? They probably would have a different type of conversation.

Vanessa Marin 6:05
They probably would have. Yes.

Vanessa Marin 6:08
But they’re very, they’re very cool about it. Now. They’re super supportive. And it has helped us as adults, you know, have more open and honest conversations, sometimes a little bit too honest. We’re going in the other direction. But it’s definitely, you know, really appreciated that now. It’s a topic that we can talk about, and it doesn’t have that same level of shame and embarrassment that

Céline Remy 6:28
it used to. Well, that’s good. So I was curious. So do you talk about sex with your parents because I do like so? You know, like being like a sex educator to sex illogical bodyworker, I mean, I went through all these different trainings and same I actually was teaching workshop where my mom came, where I was teaching hands-on like, genital Assange and like, like breast massage all of these things for women and she was there she came to most of them that I did when I was in Switzerland. And I was like, I didn’t think my mom was actually going to give and receive a full like a pussy massage. And she did. I was like, This is awesome.

She also used to come to me with her sex questions. So I know a lot about my parents’ sex life and was like, it’s a little awkward at first. And I was like, and then I thought, you know, it’s okay. It’s easy for me. So I’m just curious, like, Do you even have this type of dynamic? Or am I just a weirdo?

Vanessa Marin 7:18
Your mom, I love to go to that and just dive fully, you know, head in headfirst into that so great. We talk about it kind of more in the sense of my business rather than them asking me personal questions. But we did have last year, we were doing this big launch around my female orgasm course. And so I had a conversation about orgasm with my mom for the first time ever and just sort of talking to her about, you know, what did you learn about this growing up?

Vanessa Marin 7:47
What did you think it was? What was your journey? And so she was definitely a little more uncomfortable. Easier to talk about, like how’s your business going? How many courses are you selling, and to talk about her own personal history, but She really surprised me, she did it. And she was very vulnerable and really open. So it was great to be able to talk about orgasm with your mom.

Céline Remy 8:09
Liberating.

Kevin Anthony 8:12
Alright, so I want to start to bring this a little bit closer to the sexual personality types. And what I was curious about is so you’ve been working as a sex therapist since 2002. So that’s a pretty good amount of time, which means you’ve probably worked with a lot of people throughout that time.

Kevin Anthony 8:30
And I’m curious, is it the working with clients that where you started to notice certain patterns that were coming up again and again, basically, I’m curious how your work kind of brought out this idea that there are certain patterns, certain types that you could kind of classify people into.

Vanessa Marin 8:51
Yeah, this model and pretty much all the work that I do is definitely inspired by the clients that I work with. Just really starting to notice, you know, past And themes that were coming up over and over again. So one of the classic conversations that I would see in my sessions is there would be a couple and they’d be talking about their sex life. And there would be usually one partner who would say, you know, okay, I have a higher sex drive, I want to be having sex more often my partner has a lower sex drive, we feel kind of mismatched in that sense.

Vanessa Marin 9:22
And the lower sex drive partner often would say, well, but I have sex with you. So you know, why aren’t you satisfied? It’s just never enough for you, you know, I give you what you want. And the other partner would say, No, but that’s not what I want. I don’t want just sex. I don’t want you just throwing me a bone or doing me a favor and that kind of way. And so I started thinking about, you know, we’re not just talking about sex here, because that would be, you know, that would be resolved in these particular couples.

Vanessa Marin 9:48
We’re not talking about that here. And so I started thinking about, you know, what else? What other dynamics are we talking about? And so I started thinking about this idea of the personality types around, you know, what is it that we’re really looking to extend variance from sex. So for some people, sure it is just the pure physical enjoyment of it. But for a lot of us, there are so many other dynamics that get wrapped into it that, you know, that’s what we’re really looking for.

Vanessa Marin 10:12
So I started really taking a look at all my client notes kind of playing around with different couples when I see them and seeing you, what is it that that that each person is really looking to experience in the bedroom?

Kevin Anthony 10:25
All right, and so that’s how you kind of put things together into the different personality types. Very interesting.

Vanessa Marin 10:32
Yeah, that was the main, you know, the main reasoning behind this personality type is what is it that we’re each looking to experience? And I wanted to put it in a personality type of quiz thing because just like you said, at the top of the podcast, it gets fun. We all love quizzes. I take the dumbest quizzes sometimes. What pizza topping are you?

Vanessa Marin 10:50
This is so dumb, but I’m still kind of compelled to take it. I wanted to, you know, wanted to give people some actually genuinely useful information that could open up a conversation with their partner. So that’s why I think this model works well is that it feels playful and you know, kind of silly and fun. And so it might feel a little bit easier to say, Oh,

Céline Remy 11:11
I think I’m this type, or maybe I’m this type, or I don’t even understand this type. It makes no sense to me. It just makes the conversation feel a little bit easier to open up with your partner. Mm-hmm. Awesome. So we definitely want to dive in more into the different person personality types. But before we kind of start to bring them in. I was curious because, on your site, you mentioned the Myers Briggs, the enneagram. And so is like your personality types based or related to these different types or is it something of its own?

Vanessa Marin 11:45
I took a look at other personality type models when I was building this because I just wanted to see you know, what other sorts of dynamics come up and it so it’s not, you know, they’re not based on it’s not like a Myers Briggs test or it’s not an enneagram test, but I definitely looked at little pieces. Though Oh, yeah, enneagram type, I wonder if that might relate to this personality type. So I sort of used that to flesh out these initial ideas that I’ve had about like, this is a dynamic that I see a lot with clients. This is another one. So yeah, I used it to sort of

Kevin Anthony 12:14
build it up a bit more. So that’s very, that’s interesting. And I think important to write because as you said, there’s a ton of real sort of dumb but fun tests out there. And what I think is cool about this is, you know, anybody can make up a test. But if you’re given your background, you know, and the people that you work with, if you’re taking that personal experience, that education that you have, and then using established models to sort of fleshing out what these personality types are.

Kevin Anthony 12:42
I guess the point that I would like to get across to people who are thinking about taking this is that it’s not just a silly little thing that you know, somebody who’s doing internet marketing conjured up and decided to throw out there for fun like you could actually learn something from it.

Vanessa Marin 12:56
Absolutely, yeah, I’ve worked You know, I’ve heard back from a lot of people People who’ve taken the test and said, Yeah, I was I, you know, just nailed me, you know, reading over that that was exactly how I relate to sex or even just, you know, looking through the types got me thinking about this aspect of my sexuality that I’ve never really considered before. So it definitely is really useful. I want it to be fun, but useful is the most important.

Céline Remy 13:19
So, can you give us an example of a common type that you see a few personality types? Is there one that tends to like, be more often, like describing somebody? And then I’m going to take the question to the second part. Is there a difference in gender? Do you see that men versus women have different responses or have a type?

Vanessa Marin 13:44
Yeah. So I tried to make the types you know, I wanted them to be as represented as possible. There were other types that I had in mind, but I was thinking, you know, I’ve seen maybe two or three people who are like this in my whole career. The ones today that I’ve kind of completed the quiz with are the ones that are the most common, but I can point out a couple of them and sort of share some of the dynamics that tend to come up. So one of them is the decompressor.

Vanessa Marin 14:14
And so for the decompressor sex is all about stress relief. It’s a way that you blow off steam, you unwind, you just kind of let go of whatever chaos was going on in your day. And you really enjoy that experience after sex. When you feel you know, all that tension has just left your body. So you might really enjoy just you know, basking in that afterglow after sex is over. Maybe it puts you right into a deep sleep. A lot of people use sex to you know, to help them sleep. So for the decompressor, I do tend to see more often than males are decompressor types than females are.

Vanessa Marin 14:51
And sometimes that can even be a point of frustration. I hear a lot of women and heterosexual couples will tell me like she just goes right to sleep after sex. I’m all amped up to where I want connection and, you know, and he’s, he’s out, he’s out cold. So that can be useful to know that, you know, that’s what’s going on with the decompressor type. Another very common type is the Explorer. So for explorers, sex feels like your playground sex is really all about trying new things, experimenting with different things. You’re they’re very curious about sex and really wanting to, you know, just explore and try new things. explorers don’t tend to take sex too seriously.

Vanessa Marin 15:32
So it’s not that all these experiments need to go perfectly, so unexpected. Try a new sex position. And you know, they fall out of it, someone falls out of the bed like it’s not a big deal. It was just fun to have tried that. So that’s another super common type and I tend to see a pretty even mix of male and female it might skew a little bit more towards male but it tends to be pretty evenly mixed. And then another really common one Is the giver.

Vanessa Marin 16:01
So for the giver sex is all about giving to your partner you really want to see you know that your partner is enjoying themselves a lot of givers will even say my partner’s experience is more important than my own experience. If my partner’s not enjoying themselves, there’s no way I can enjoy myself, myself. And interestingly, the giver givers tend to be skewed much more masculine as well.

Vanessa Marin 16:25
I think a lot of people have this stereotype of men as being selfish in the bedroom and actually is definitely not the case, especially with these giver types. Wow. So that’s,

Kevin Anthony 16:35
That’s actually really big. Because I think the stereotype really is the opposite way around. The men are always just taking all the time taking. So it’s very interesting to hear from a professional that actually givers are more men. Now, one of the things that we see in people that we work with, we see a lot of men that call themselves givers, but really they’re just takers.

Kevin Anthony 16:55
So we don’t want people to get confused with that because there are a lot of guys out there job but I’m a giver. I’m a giver really all they’re doing is sucking the energy out of everybody they have an encounter with.

Céline Remy 17:05
Well, my experience from having worked with over 1000 like thousands by now of different men, it’s like, definitely the decompressor right was the first one where that’s number one. And I also want to add something to that is I think there’s a way to move beyond the decompressor because oftentimes, like men who do sex a certain way without circulating energy, that’s really why they’re so tired but there’s a way to you can still use sex to reduce your stress but you don’t have to be totally tired afterward.

Vanessa Marin 17:36
It does not have to knock you out.

Céline Remy 17:40
Exactly. And then of course around the giver, I was like, I was like, I heard this so many times. I’m a giver. And I love that we are talking about this because again, as Kevin said, it is a misconception and I do see men want to give, they want our pleasure like women. It’s so important that like She’s like, I just want to do a good job. I want to know she’s enjoyed it. And I want to know that she’s pleased. It’s more important than anything else.

Céline Remy 18:07
If we could just any women listening right now could just take this in and understand that you man is here to please you. And that all it takes is for you to ask for what you want or request wings and stuff. You know, there are plenty of people Vanessa can help you, we can help you in many hours, we are here to help you. Like ask for what you want and get your needs met in the bedroom, right? But if that’s all that’s needed, you just need to speak up and you can get what you want.

Kevin Anthony 18:35
And learn how to be a good receiver. That’s kind of important.

Vanessa Marin 18:40
Thank you. It’s a skill. I mean, a lot of people wouldn’t think of it as a skill, but it absolutely is. So yeah, with each type, you know, their strengths of each type and their challenges of each type as well. So it’s really an invitation just to take a deeper look, take a deeper dive into your own relationship with sexuality and what are some ways that you could go even further and What are some ways that you can? Yeah to challenge some of the sticky points that come up for you?

Céline Remy 19:05
Also,

Kevin Anthony 19:06
so we have the I’ll let you ask the question, but I’ll set it up a little bit of a fun question. Okay, sorry, it’s time to do an ad first

Céline Remy 19:15
We just wanted to give a second shout out to our sponsor here? Before we dive more into the personality test this is so exciting. But first, we want to ask you are you longing for more connection, deeper intimacy and red hot passion in your relationship? If you are a committed couple who loves each other but has lost a spark and has fallen into a boring routine, we have a special invite for you we’ve created relationship synergy, a cutting edge next level intimacy program for the modern capital to help you fire up your love life.

Céline Remy 19:44
So give us 90 days and we’ll help you transform your love life forever. And you can find more about relationship synergy at CelineRemy.com/synergy, and that’s how you can find it kevinanthonycoaching.com/synergy. Okay, back to our personality types. Yes.

Kevin Anthony 20:03
Okay. So, of course, as we’re, we’re prepping for this. We’re like, oh, I wonder what type we are? No, I will yet we didn’t go. Like, take a test and answer a bunch of questions. What we did was we read through all the personalities, and we said, which ones really resonate with us? Where do we feel like this is part of who we are? Now, our list, we found it hard to narrow it down to just one each of us. But before we get there, we were really curious. What is your sexual personality type?

Vanessa Marin 20:35
Yes. So I like to think of the model for some people. There’s definitely one that really jumps out that you’re like, that is absolutely me, from most people around two to three types they tend to really resonate with and I think that can even be fun to is trying to rank Okay, I think if I had to pick this one’s my top, but this is a super close second. That kind of thing. So the two highest ones for me, I’m definitely an explorer.

Vanessa Marin 21:00
The one that I just described I really for me sex really does feel like my playground my opportunity just to you know, explore and experiment and try new things. I also am very much a prioritize or so for the prioritize or you want sex to be something that you and your partner really prioritize in life and you might even go so far as to schedule sex because you like to have that regularity.

Vanessa Marin 21:24
That consistency. So there’s a part of my brain that just loves that idea, love knowing that it’s something I can rely on that we’re not, you know, using excuses about being too busy or too tired because we all have those excuses. But really understanding that sex is something that my husband and I make a priority regardless of whatever else is going on in our lives.

Céline Remy 21:46
Oh, this is good, right

Kevin Anthony 21:47
so now Celine?

Céline Remy 21:49
Yes, I get to go. So it’s very funny Vanessa cuz I have the prioritize the Explorer, so just same as you there and I also added the spiritual list and you haven’t yet introduced this and it’s funny because I could have added more and I was like I should stop at three because I was like oh I really like oh I do relate to the giver to in this but my top three I was like if I have to do top three is probably that. And so we haven’t yet spoken about the spiritualists Do you want to introduce that new type for all of the listeners here?

Vanessa Marin 22:24
Yeah, so the spiritualist sex is a way of connecting yourself to some sort of higher power. And so obviously people define that in incredibly different ways. But we’re sex is really a deeply spiritual transcendent experience for you. It’s much more than just the physical act that

Céline Remy 22:40
we’re doing. Mm-hmm. And that really works well because what I’m seeing is for me, there’s a combination of like, okay, we make sex a priority, so I don’t let the I’m too busy or too tired or I’m not in the mood. Like it doesn’t matter like sex still happens. You know, these Don’t stop me. And then we can get into we call it silly sex. So it doesn’t matter, you know, like we could get into like crazy laughter like, or whatever, like, we don’t control these. And sometimes we will just be like talking up a storm while we making love and like laughing about things and trying things.

Céline Remy 23:13
And other times it will be like, they’ll be like beautiful music and it’s kind of very “trancey” and we massaging each other. Then we like, penetrating and like, just kind of not really talking. Sometimes I like, imagine the energy and like, I could be like, let’s say I’m writing Kevin, and I lift my arms up. I feel like we just had that the other day, right? Where I wasn’t telling him but I literally was riding him and I lift my arms up.

Céline Remy 23:39
And I was imagining that I was tapping into the creative source of everything, right, that one place where we all come from, and I literally was seeing this kind of like gold light and energy and that I could like just tap into this and that I was becoming this conduit, this vessel for my body. And so Kevin is inside me, right? Because we’re making our I’m not saying anything and all of a sudden he starts to like, shake and shiver and move like this like because he could feel like energy pouring into his body just from me doing this and nothing had been said verbally and it just, you know, it’s all happening in the moment.

Céline Remy 24:16
Like it’s not very super, like obvious, but that was so cool because that’s literally how that element played into our lovemaking session at that time.

Vanessa Marin 24:26
Yeah, yeah. It’s, it’s really, really cool to have that energetic exchange is such an important part of the experience for the spiritual. So you know, really being able to feel that kind of connection and that flow of energy. So it’s so cool that you had such a recent experience with it. And it also just goes to show how many different flavors of sex we can have. I think that a lot of us, we get a sort of tunnel vision of sex has to look this way or be this way. And we really forget that there’s this entire range of experience that we can have with it.

Céline Remy 24:59
Absolutely. And I love that you brought that up. And don’t worry, Kevin, we’re coming back to your personality. You’re gonna tell us your different flavors, but I love what you’re saying the different flavors. I like to call it like the buffet of sex when I talk with my clients because I feel like most people are in the fast-food type sex where all they know is this one lane that goes really fast. And it’s not very fulfilling. And I’m like, No, let’s make it this buffet experience. It’s never-ending.

Céline Remy 25:25
And it’s like, there’s tons of food on the table. You can try anything you want. It keeps like replenishing itself. And that’s really once you start to approach sex from that perspective, sex becomes so much better. And you let go of the expectation that it has to look a certain way and that’s when like, it opens up to a totally new dimension.

Vanessa Marin 25:44
Yeah, yeah, we definitely have that in common. I always love using food analogy. I love the food analogy. We can get that it’s a buffet.

Céline Remy 25:54
Absolutely. So Kevin, tell us about your personality. What did you pick?

Kevin Anthony 25:59
Okay, so I also was trying to limit it to just three and then and then I was like, but really, I gotta throw one more in there. So I have the Explore, which we all have, which I, you know, I think for us, we’re like you were just describing sex can be very different from session to session, it can be anything from silly sex to crazy hot sex to just distressing to whatever, like, this is huge range of the way it shows up every time. And we love that. And we’ve learned not to set any expectations and however, it is at that moment. That’s how it is.

Kevin Anthony 26:35
And that’s beautiful, you know, so definitely the Explorer, also the prioritize or because this is like one of the big things that we teach people all the time, you know, like scheduled date nights, and, you know, all these different sorts of tools that they can use to make sure that sex is a priority in their life. So it’s like, yeah, I mean, this is literally not only what we teach, but what we do. So that’s got to be on the list. And then as I was reading down the types, I also and we did this separately, by the way, she did hers and I did mine we were, we were in our little corners, taking it by ourselves, you know, and then we compare notes again.

Kevin Anthony 27:11
But I also had the spiritualist on there as well. And, you know, this is something that we try to teach a lot of people and some people just get it and some people really don’t get it this whole idea of the spiritualist thing because for us sex really is a spiritual experience. And if you approach it that way, especially if you’ve learned enough skills to be better than your normal, you know, three to seven-minute lovemaking. You reach these levels that literally you’re having a spiritual experience. It’s probably the closest thing that most people will experience in a human body to God, as they say, you know, and so that’s just such a huge part of it for us and we try to tell people like if you could just learn how to do this.

Kevin Anthony 27:59
What you experience will be so much bigger, so much better so amazing. Like you won’t even believe it and they just look at you like deer in headlights. Now I’m realizing, realizing now that maybe that’s because they’re not the spiritualist type. So that might be a little hard for them to understand. That’s good to know. And then, of course, so stereotypical, but as I’m reading down, I almost didn’t put it on the list, but I’m like, I gotta be honest with myself. I had to throw the giver on there. I mean, so as a man, it is actually it really is important to me that you are enjoying it and that it’s all good for you.

Kevin Anthony 28:43
And, you know, as a younger man, I could have sex without really any attachments or not really worrying too much about you know, even though I always cared if, for some reason she did and I was like, Well, you know, okay, but as I’ve gotten older, actually Literally limit my enjoyment. So in other words, if she’s not into it, and she’s not really wanting to do it, I don’t actually I don’t enjoy it because I’m too like, like we both This is a co-creation, we got to be in this together. It’s not just about me here, you know, getting off. And so I realized when reading those kinds of has to be.

Vanessa Marin 29:25
Yeah, my husband is saying that one’s high on his list as well.

Céline Remy 29:28
So lucky.

Vanessa Marin 29:29
Yes.

Céline Remy 29:33
So, now that we’ve described some of them, and that’s not all of them, and we might have time to introduce a few more but we were curious about are there types that are more or less compatible? Yeah.

Vanessa Marin 29:46
Yeah, this is another part of the model that if I know you guys are going to share the link for how people can find it. But I give Yeah, I talk about what particular ones can be challenging, you know, certain challenges that can come up between different types. And I also just want to normalize You know, every couple has dynamics that are going to be challenging. So it’s not that, you know, if you’re one type and your partner’s another type, you guys might as well break up right now, you know, we all have our stuff to work through, for sure. So one of the challenging matches matchups is between the spiritualist and the pleasure seeker.

Vanessa Marin 30:21
So we haven’t talked about the pleasure seeker yet, that is the type that they really genuinely just enjoy the physical experience of sex. So I’ve talked to pleasure seekers before about this model, you know, this personality type model and they’ve said, like, I don’t even understand what you’re talking about like it’s just sex like we do it because it feels good. They’re just so one-track-minded about it. And for them, you know, it’s a great experience, it can still be a lot of fun, very enjoyable, but it really just is about pure physical pleasure.

Vanessa Marin 30:52
And so that can be a challenge with the spiritualist because the spiritualist is wanting to have this deeper, richer, energetic experience with As the pleasure secret is really just wanting to have that pure physical pleasure of it. So again, it’s not a total deal-breaker, what this really comes down to is just being able to have conversations with each other where you share. This is the kind of experience that I’m looking to have. This is why I like to have it this is what it feels like for me, it just for the two of you to feel like you can understand each other and, and be able to, you know, relate to what it is that you’re wanting to experience. I

Kevin Anthony 31:24
think this is one of those things like you know, when you meet somebody you want to find out what their Eastern sign is their Western side, what their Myers Briggs is and this one people, please please, the sake of your long term relationship, find out if you’re aligned sexually.

Céline Remy 31:42
And then most importantly, it’s kind of like when you learn each other’s love language. You may not speak your partner’s love language at first, but because you’re choosing that person, you’re learning to speak that language in a way that they can receive it and I feel like it’s very similar with the sexual personality type, like you saying, yes, you may be Pleasure seeker. But it doesn’t mean you don’t want to experience deeper spiritual like that’s the deeper connection. And just because you more of a spiritualist doesn’t mean you wouldn’t go for like some really fun exploration seeking pleasure.

Céline Remy 32:14
It’s just like, of understanding the dynamic and sometimes might and one might need it like more than the others you like, let’s give it to you the way that you like it most today, and then sometimes it’s also a gift to your partner to be like, let’s do it your way. Just like the other night when I said, Let’s watch any movies you want. It’s like it’s gonna be the same in the bedroom, right? You want sexually. My body is yours.

Kevin Anthony 32:42
Okay, it’s time to wrap things up, everybody. Just kidding.

Vanessa Marin 32:49
You bring up a good point to that it can be fun to role-play all the different types too. So even if there’s one that you’re you don’t really relate to. Could you still try having that flavor of sex? A lot of times it just a lot of people don’t even realize that that’s what their partner was looking to experience or that that even was an option. So again, that’s why this really just comes back to opening up conversations and helping us realize, Oh, that’s what you’re wanting to experience. Okay, sure. That sounds fine to me.

Céline Remy 33:17
I love this because it’s not about trapping you into a box and saying you’re this and this is you’re stuck forever. It’s about opening up a dialogue in a conversation. And it’s also about being willing to explore beyond the comfort zone, because ultimately, once you’ve been in a relationship for multiple years, you know that it’s so easy to get into a routine, right? And people are like, Oh, well, if I just learned like, read the Kama Sutra or got this new sex toy, and while they can help to a certain degree, and they did just a band-aid, they’re never gonna fix what’s going on.

Céline Remy 33:49
And so being able to have those tools like this, a sexual personality type can help you be like, you know, we’ve never experienced it or I’ve never played as a gear or Whatever that is, and it’s like, what would it look like for me? Because you’re not even like even though you have those descriptions of what the types are, you’re not saying you do A, B, C, D, and that’s all you’re doing. So you’re giving people a way of like, well, this is what you usually like, or height looks like for you. And then I think it sparks this inquiry of like, how does it express itself for me?

Vanessa Marin 34:22
Mm-hmm, exactly. Exactly. You totally nailed it. Yeah. So I definitely never want it to feel like you know, this is just who you are, and you’re locked into that box. And that’s it. It’s just a way to start a conversation to start exploration and a curiosity.

Kevin Anthony 34:37
So I have a new question that just came up. So the question that was on the list to ask Next, I think we’ve kind of covered already, which is like once somebody goes through the test and finds out what they are, like, how can they use this information? And, and I think we covered that pretty good about what that means.

Kevin Anthony 34:53
But one of the things that popped into my head as we were going through that part of the exchanges, I’m wondering if you’ve ever seen somebody who showed up to work with you as one type, and through the course of working with you realize that maybe they shifted and now they’re a different type?

Vanessa Marin 35:10
Oh, that’s a really interesting question. Let me think about that for a second.

Vanessa Marin 35:17
I don’t….you know, one thing that definitely does, I think a huge part of my work is helping people overcome shame and embarrassment. And so, you know, a lot of us have a lot of blockages in place that prevent us from experiencing, you know, our full sexuality. And so a lot of times, it’s, you know, there’s sort of this unveiling process of like, oh, once I get all these blockages out of the way, here’s what my you know, my true self is.

Vanessa Marin 35:46
So I don’t know if I’d say, you know, I started with someone who is a giver, and then they, you know, change to the spiritualist through the course of the word, but somebody who might not ever have identified themselves as a spiritualist beforehand then starts to realize that Yeah, that actually is at the core of my experience.

Céline Remy 36:04
That’s awesome. So tell our listeners where they can find more about you what’s happening in your life where they can find you. Of course, the link to the test will be in the comment section. And if you go to the site, it’s in there too. But if you have a link, Please give them anything so that they can also learn more about their sexual personality types.

Vanessa Marin 36:25
Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, definitely go to the link that will be in the show notes because that’ll send you over to download the quiz. You can figure out which one you get you know, the full report of all the different types. You can also just find me at my website, VM therapy com so it’s my initials, my initials, vmtherapy.com.

Vanessa Marin 36:44
We have a really great weekly email newsletter that we send out every Friday you get free tips and advice and techniques, and we cover a different monthly topic. And then I’m also on social media. I most frequently use Instagram and VM therapy over there so we’d love to connect with you on Instagram as well. Awesome Vanessa so we always have a special question for I guess.

Céline Remy 37:12
That’s how we always end the show here. We want to know what’s your best sexual talents?

Vanessa Marin 37:19
Best sexual talent. Oh my gosh, I have a lot of different answers.

Kevin Anthony 37:27
We’ve got time.

Vanessa Marin 37:32
Okay, the first was just my head first button, purely technique. I’m very good at blowjobs I really enjoyed blowjobs those are a lot of fun for me. And then I wanted a little bit more than the next answer that popped into my mind was just communication. And again, it’s just kind of coming back full circle to what we started talking about is that you know, in my own personal life with my husband, we’ve gotten really good at being able to communicate about sex, even when we’re feeling embarrassed, even when we’re feeling old layers of shame surface, and our sex life has really become so magical and special because of that emphasis on communication that we really can both work on.

Vanessa Marin 38:14
And then it also is a huge part of my professional life as well. You know, I love to think that I help other people feel more comfortable communicating about sex and trying to set a good example for it. But that’s definitely it’s really just the core of everything that I do.

Kevin Anthony 38:29
Yeah, you know, what I love about asking that question to people, is that what it really shows is that you walk the talk, right? So that’s what I love about is it pulls out from people like when you ask them, you kind of turn the focus back on them. It’s no longer about Oh, I’m here to teach you. It’s like, Well, what do you actually do in your real life. So I love to hear that you use this stuff in your own personal relationship and that you’ve seen wonderful benefits from it because that just shows everybody that it works.

Vanessa Marin 39:00
Yeah, absolutely everything that I do in my work, it’s really, you know, I make sure to practice it on my own as well. And a lot of times it just originates from, okay, I’m really struggling with this, I’ve got to figure out, you know, what’s some sort of thing that we can do together that I can explore on my own? And definitely, you know, you guys mentioned in my bio that my husband has started working with me just in the last couple of years.

Vanessa Marin 39:22
Once he became part of the business as well, that just opened up a whole new realm for us to have these kinds of conversations and share, you know, yeah, we’re a real couple. We drive each other crazy sometimes. And we have really boring sex sometimes. We know we go through a lot of the challenges that everyone else does. So we like to be super transparent about that and say, you know, we don’t have everything figured out.

Vanessa Marin 39:44
But what we do have is a commitment to keep trying new things and to keep putting that effort into it. And I hope that that serves as an inspiration for other couples that, you know, we don’t have to be perfect. We don’t have to have everything figured out. We just have to keep moving forward.

Kevin Anthony 39:58
Mm-hmm. Well said, That’s so true. That’s life. Right?

Céline Remy 40:03
Yeah. Thank you for being such great role models. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with our audience. Make sure you all go to the M therapy calm to figure out your quiz. Find more about Vanessa to stay connected with her. It’s been a pleasure having you on the show. Thank you so much, Vanessa,

Vanessa Marin 40:22
thank you so much. I had such a blast with you guys. Great questions.

Kevin Anthony 40:28
Thank you. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 40:46
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at CelineRemy.com that’s celinemy.com so join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure.

Kevin Anthony 41:03
Thanks for listening,

Céline Remy 41:05
and remember, you’re amazing.