This Is The Type Of Man She Wants & How To Be Him

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man or woman single or a couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:28
All right, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 232. And it is titled this is the type of man she wants and how to be him. Okay, I’m going to tell you after I read the ad four stories that have happened to me recently that inspired this episode. They were all conversations that I’ve had with women recently. And they all centered around what they were looking for in men, and how men in their lives currently presently, either aren’t stepping up, or did display something that they really, really liked. So that really got me thinking about what is it that women really want from men in today’s modern society.

And, you know, some of it may be easy to guests, and some of it may not be our society is putting a lot of pressure on men to be things other than what they really should be. And that’s something that we’ll talk about. So yeah, this is gonna be a great episode, if you are a man listening, please, please, please stay tuned, I have a list of all of the things that she really wants from you. And I also have ways for you to get those skills or become that man, if you’re not already there. And it’s okay, if you’re not there. Most men will not be there for every single one of these things on this list. And that’s okay, because life is a process. We are continually working on ourselves, or at least we should be to become the best that we can be. And so you know, if you’re out there and you’re struggling to find a partner, or you have a partner, but the relationship isn’t going the way that you want it to. The first place to look is at yourself and figure out where can you improve. Where can you get better? Where can you become the man who has the most amazing relationships? So we’re going to talk about all of that.

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All right. So I’m going to tell you four very short stories that inspired this episode. I’m not gonna give you the names of who these women are. I’m sure they would like to stay anonymous. But what it does is demonstrate I mean, these conversations literally happened in the last week, like within a week for different women telling me these stories. So obviously, there’s something going on out there in the world right now that is creating a need for a show like this one. Story number one. So I was speaking with a friend, a longtime friend of mine, who is bisexual, and she was telling me about a situation where she was with a guy recently. And she was she started out by giving to him she was giving him a massage and you know really just kind Like giving him all the energy and attention and that was fine.

And she was already turned on by it. And then at some point, he just gets up, kind of grabs her, throws her down on the bed and just takes charge. And one of the things she said was she got super turned on by it. And now here’s the interesting part. Now, a lot of times you might say, Well, okay, so that’s not such a big deal. But I mentioned that she’s bisexual. And what’s interesting is, is that she said that when she’s with women, she likes to dominate. But all of a sudden, she was with this man. And she started out by dominating. And he allowed that for a little bit. And then he was like, Okay, that’s it, my turn. And once he kind of flipped it over, she got instantly turned on, and couldn’t keep her hands off of him.

And so that was an interesting story that illustrates that even women that may be a little bit more on the masculine side, or even women that like to dominate, say, when they’re with other women still crave a man who can dominate them. And we’ll talk about dominate is such a, such a loaded word in today’s society dominate, like, oh, no, you can’t dominate a woman. That’s old-school caveman bullshit. That’s not what we’re talking about. And I will get far more clear with you on that. As the show goes on. Story number two. So I had a long, longtime friend come over recently, to give me a massage, she does bodywork professionally. And she knew that I’d been under a lot of stress. And so she came over to give me a bodywork session. So she did, she gave me an amazing bodywork session really helped some of the areas I hold a lot of tension.

And she was working in Céline’s session room, which is still set up as it always was, for the most part. Céline when she would do work with clients, she liked to work on the floor on a time mattress, as opposed to like a massage table. That’s important to the story. So anyway, at the end of the massage, I was just laying there on the mat just sort of kind of blissed out from, you know, getting a good bodywork session. And she just laid down on the floor next to the mattress. Now, you know, this is somebody I’ve known for many, many years, at one point at least have a very close inner circle of friends of both Céline and I. And so, you know, rather than have her lay on the hard floor, I said, come over here and lay on the mattress with me. I wasn’t you know, trying to go anywhere with it.

I just wanted her to be comfortable and just support it. And so she laid on the mat, I just put my arm around her and I held her. I wasn’t expecting anything. A couple of minutes later, she just starts crying. Now, I have no idea why. Right? There was no, she wasn’t in like a sad mood or there wasn’t anything like that going on. And but I know from past experience, that sometimes emotion just moves through women, and the best thing that you can do is hold space for him. So I just held space for her. And I assumed it had nothing to do with me. Of course, we talked about it later.

And it didn’t have anything to do with me whatsoever. Had nothing to do with the bodywork session, it was just that in that moment, she felt safe enough to just let out some emotion that she was holding in. And what’s interesting is, is, you know, I’m not her partner, I’m not her boyfriend. I’m not, you know, intimate with her in any way. And yet, she still felt safe enough to do that. And so what that goes to show is that this is a need, and if a woman isn’t getting that need in her primary relationship, she’s going to be seeking it elsewhere. So that’s Story number two, and we’re going to talk about that need later on. And one of the really, sort of pro-level skills that you should have is a man that she’s looking for. Okay, third story. having a conversation with another friend.

She was telling me initially how excited she was that this guy that she was interested in, she might actually see him. And so, you know, she had been on a trip before she went on the trip. She told him Hey, I’m going to be on a trip but when I get back I would love to see you He said, Great, let me know when you’re back. So she gets back and she says, Hey, I’m back would love to see you. He says, Okay, great. Let me look at my calendar and see when I’m available. So then he gets back to her and says, Yeah, I had a chance to look at my calendar.

But nothing else. No. Okay, here’s when I’m free. or would this date work for you or anything? It was just kind of weird. So what does that story have to do with that story has to do with following through? Right. So he started to follow through and she got really excited. Yeah, okay, I’m back. I reached out to him as I said, I would and then he got back to me like he said, he would and then he dropped the fucking ball, like, majorly dropped the ball. And that was a problem. So you guys don’t necessarily realize how something small like that really affects her. But she was really let down by that. And so we’ll talk more about following through and keeping your word as well.

Okay, last story. I am visiting some friends over the holiday time. Good friends of mine, they were really good friends of Céline as well. And their husband and wife, they’ve got two kids, I was hanging out at their house. As relationship coaches do, you often end up in a conversation about relationships. And the woman in the couple starts telling me about a relationship she had prior to her husband now they’ve her husband and her have been together for a long time. They’ve been married for a long time. But she was I don’t even remember exactly how it came up. But she was telling me about the previous one where, you know, the person that she was with? Just let’s say she was like, hey, what about this? Oh, whatever you want, or Yeah, that’s fine with me, or he basically never really had his own opinion.

And so the conversation really went to Well, she didn’t respect him. And she couldn’t trust his opinion, because it will always be like, Oh, whatever you want, or, and you know, Selena and I have talked about this a lot. Like we always use the restaurant example of, hey, where do you want to go to eat? Well, wherever you want, whatever you like, right? It drives women crazy when you do that. They want a man who has his own opinions, who has strong opinions and who has conviction, meaning that if somebody challenges that opinion, you don’t roll over right away and go, Oh, yeah, that’s right. Okay, sorry. You’re right. So those were four stories that happened literally in about a week.

And what they were demonstrating to me, every time I would have one of these conversations is wow. There are a lot of men out there that are really messing up either their current relationships or the potential relationships if they’re dating because they’re not doing certain things that are really important to women. So as a men’s coach, I hear that and I say, Okay, we need to get men up to speed. We meaning me, I guess. But I’m not the only one that does this kind of work. There arem plenty of people out there doing coaching for men. So all of us, there’s plenty of men to go around. We all need to be out there and educating men because I mentioned at the beginning of the show, there’s a lot of pressure from society, for men to not be men anymore. They’re really feminizing men and masculinizing women, and it’s creating a huge problem in relationships, which in my opinion, is the true intention behind it.

You know, they’ll say all kinds of things like, you know, we’re trying to make men, you know, understand more not be such, you know, old school asshole, you know, masculine, blah, blah, but that give you a million excuses. Oh, women, it’s all about women’s lib and giving them equal rights. And they’ll come up with a lot of excuses. But honestly, in my personal opinion, I think they’re intentionally trying to destroy the bond between men and women in the family unit. Got to give a truth bomb for that one, because that one is a big truth bomb. And unfortunately, a lot of men are falling for it. Some of them are falling for it because they’re just they’re literally just buying into the ideas, which in my opinion, are wrong. But some of them aren’t necessarily falling for it.

But because there’s so much societal pressure, they’re going along with it, because they don’t want to be perceived as that old-school macho asshole masculine guy. In either case, it is not Doing the men or the women any good. And so we need to do what we can to try to correct that to guide it into a better place where we can take the things that worked from the past from men and masculinity that are tried and true, and work and that women want. And then bring them together with the things from the present, you know, things that maybe weren’t as developed back then like good communication skills and emotional intelligence, and those and we can bring both of those together to create a healthy, masculine man that women absolutely crave desire, dream about, right in their journals about get wet over, like, that’s the kind of man you want to be. And so that’s what we’re working on.

I have quite a long list here of traits that women are looking for, I have a few things that I will not mention that you probably think should be on the list but aren’t, and I’ll tell you why they’re not on the list. And then I’ll tell you how you can become this man, it’s a lot to get in. I’ve already probably prefaced this talk too long as it is. So we’re just going to get in and get rolling as fast as we can, what is it that women really want in a man? These are not in any particular order, by the way, they are just a brainstorming session of mine, based on my coaching work my relationship with Céline, and all of the women I have conversations with, Okay, number one, a man who is actually masculine?

Yes, that’s right. Women actually want a man who is masculine. We have done whole episodes. In fact, we did two of them on this show, I think one of them was even Episode 100, which is why I remember the number because that goes back quite a ways. But we did shows on polarity. And it’s really, really important that people understand that polarity is sort of a hot-button term. These days, everybody’s talking about it. And you’ve got, you’ve got men on the one side with the sort of extreme form of polarity that they teach, that tends to polarize people. And then you got people on the other side, they’re like polarity is all a bunch of bullshit. And it’s old-school masculine crap, right.

As is often the case, the middle is really true, you do want to have polarity. So what does that mean? That means at least one person in the relationship needs to be more on the masculine side, and one needs to be more on the feminine side. And the more polarized you are, the stronger the attraction is going to be. So for most women, even the ones that appear a little bit masculine, like single moms who are like getting shit done, and you know, filling the role of the masculine, yeah, they can do it. Women can absolutely do it. And Celine has said this on the show many times she’s like, look, men, if you don’t step up, and fill the role of the masculine, then we women will like she has said that numerous times on this show.

And she’s absolutely right because I’ve seen it happen more times than I could possibly count. And so you see that happen a lot with single moms. But just because they can fill that role doesn’t mean that they should have to fill that role or that they even want to fill that role, they actually really want a masculine man to fill that role so that they can relax into their feminine, which is where they truly want to be. So if you are not a masculine man, if you’re kind of one of those more like New Agey softy guys, just know that the majority of women are not going to necessarily be attracted to that. And the ones that are, you’re probably not going to have a great relationship with them. Because you’re either going to end up with reverse polarity or no polarity at all. And the relationship is going to be difficult. So number one, she wants a man who is masculine.

Number two, a man who has strong opinions and convictions. This is story number four that I was talking about, like this drove her nuts that, you know, you know, she’s an MD, right? So she is highly educated, she is motivated, she runs her own practice. And for her, like coming home at the end of the day, and you know, asking him questions or whatever you want, Oh, whatever. Just drove her crazy. And I had this conversation with her. And I said, Well, really what happened is you just didn’t respect him anymore. And she’s like, Yeah, you’re right. She’s like, you’re right. So we want a man who has strong opinions and convictions.

Now, does that mean that you hold that opinion, no matter what, because I have decided and this is my opinion, and even though no new information has shown up that contradicts that I’m still going to hold it because I decided and that’s that. No, that’s not what we’re talking about. We women want is they want a man who has a strong opinion, but that is also open to new information and revising that opinion if there is no compelling information, but what she doesn’t want it, she doesn’t want a man who as soon as he’s challenged on his opinion, just goes, okay, yeah, you’re right, nevermind. And women will test you, they will do things like that they will come and confront you, if you’ve really state a strong boundary or opinion, they might come and test you. And they’re looking to see, see, here’s the thing, when that test happens, the guy’s like, oh, shit, oh, shit, I don’t want to be mad at me.

I just want her to be happy. So I’ll just go along with, you know, her challenge. That’s absolutely not what she wants. And she instantly loses respect for you when you do that. What she really wants is she really wants you to say, No, this is my opinion. And let me tell you why. She wants you to stand up to her. She does. Now, she doesn’t want you to be an asshole when you do it. But she does want you to stand up there. But let’s say she comes to you with compelling information that contradicts your opinion. She also wants you to go Hmm, okay. I’ll take that into consideration. I will read that article, or research that thing. And I’ll let you know what I think about it.

So women absolutely want a man who has strong opinions, and who has conviction. Number three, they want a man who is a good communicator, women naturally tend to be better communicators than men, especially in the older generations, men were absolutely taught not to share their emotions, not to talk about stuff, like be stoic, you know, that whole thing. You know, that kind of stuff just doesn’t fly anymore. In today’s relationships, today’s relationships are far more sophisticated. And both men and women in those relationships are more sophisticated. And they require a high level of communication. So it is no longer acceptable for you as a man to not have good communication skills. This was another thing in Story number four speaking with my friend, the doctor.

That was also an issue in her previous relationship, too, is that he was not good at communicating, where he was at what he wanted what he needed. So that was another thing that kind of drove her crazy in that he would just get quiet. Like if they had an argument and there was some sort of, you know, challenge going on there. He would just get quiet, not saying anything. This generally drives women absolutely nuts. So please don’t do that. Learn how to communicate, learn how to communicate effectively and compassionately. So you need to be able to express what you want to express. But do it in a way that is compassionate, calm, and clear, not fly off the handle and say a bunch of things you didn’t mean to say, oops, well, yeah, you communicated right, you communicated lots of stuff.

But what you communicated wasn’t good, or wasn’t in a way that they could hear you. Or maybe actually was insulting in some way, right. So you don’t want to do that you want to learn really good communication skills, we have done entire episodes on this show on how to improve your communication skills. So if you’re lacking go look up one of those episodes, it’s all there. All right, number four, a man who can hold space for her emotions. This is another big one. So this is Story number two, right? Where, you know, she just starts crying out of nowhere in a random moment and situation. The fact that she was able to do that was amazing because it meant that she felt really safe in the space with me in that moment.

And at the same time, I felt a little sad, because I know that she has a partner in which she obviously didn’t feel safe with him in that space. Well, I shouldn’t necessarily make that assumption, because maybe it was just in that moment when those things were coming up. But I would say that that is likely the case that she hadn’t gotten to that level of intimacy or depth with him yet where she felt comfortable. So you know, when somebody came along, who was able to meet her there, which I assume we could do, because we’ve known each other for a long time.

Anyway, a woman really wants a man who can hold space for her and not get into the I got to fix it. Got to fix it. Oh, you’re crying. There’s something wrong. I’m a fixer. Let me figure out what it is and I’ll fix it for you and you’ve heard There are a million times guys that don’t always want you to fix or solve their problem, they just want you to listen and hold space for them. So that is a big must, you have to learn how to do that. If you get so triggered in the moment that you have to try to figure out how to solve it, that’s a problem, you need to figure out how not to do that how you can just be okay in the uncomfortableness of her emotions, right and hold space for her. Number five, a man who supports her to succeed Oh, this is another big one.

This is something I was reviewing. Because we’ll talk about that. When we get down to number 10. And when we talk about EQ and relational intelligence, I was reviewing the book on relational intelligence written by Adam Bandeli, who we had on the show also on episode 221. And that was one of the things as I was kind of reviewing it, because I knew he’d have some good stuff in there related to this, specifically around the EQ relational intelligence stuff I was looking for. But I also came across, you know, a part he had in there about a woman who was supporting her man to succeed and be the best that he could be.

But it goes both ways. So as a man, you should be encouraging your partner to be the best she can be and be as successful she can as she can be in whatever endeavor she chooses. And that can be scary for guys sometimes, because what if the Endeavor she chooses happens to be her career? Right? And you’re like, Well, okay, but if she’s really successful in the career in her career, then maybe she’ll be away from home for too long because she’s working long hours, or, you know, maybe she’ll end up having an affair, because she’s always on those business trips, or, like, there’s fear about that.

And you see that in relationships where one partner or the other is like, I don’t really want to, I don’t really want to support them too much in that, because then what if this happens, or what if that happens, right? Hey, that’s the chance, you just have to take. You want the person you’re in a relationship with to be the best version of themselves, they can be. And to do that, you have to help support them. And so that’s something definitely that women of today want. Because women of today are far more career-oriented and success oriented. And so they need a partner who’s going to support them in that.

Okay, number six, a man who follows through with what he says he will do. Story number three, right, which was he said he would get back to her with dates and times when he was available for them to get together and he fucking dropped the ball and didn’t do it. All she got was crickets, crickets because he didn’t do what he said he would do. And it was a massive letdown for her. And she went from being really excited to see him and go on this date to be like, great. Another one who doesn’t do what He says He will do it. Now I know, it’s a small thing. And maybe something came up, maybe he’ll have a good reason for why he didn’t get back to her. I don’t know, I haven’t heard any more of that story. But it is one example of men just not following through with what they say they’re going to do. And I’ve had this conversation many, many times.

And the reality is that men don’t really see those small things as really being a big deal. You know, obviously, if he said, I will meet you at the restaurant at five, and they don’t show up, they understand that that’s a big deal. And that’s gonna get him in trouble. But when they say, Yeah, I’ll take the garbage out, you know, in 10 minutes, and then they do it four hours later, they don’t realize that, that is really a big deal. Because in their minds like, Well, I told you, I take it out, I took it out like it got done, right. But the reality is, is you told her you would do it at a certain time, and you didn’t do it.

So therefore you didn’t do what you said you were going to do. And a small thing like that once, no big deal. But when you tend to do those things over time, over and over and over again, they start to mount up and it starts to teach her that she can’t necessarily trust what you’re going to say. So it is extremely important guys. You follow through with whatever you say you’re going to do. And if you don’t think that you could actually follow through with it, then don’t say it. Because here’s the thing is a lot of times guys are like well, I don’t know, but I’ll tell her I will and I’ll figure it out, you know, one way or another, they’ll eventually get done. No, don’t do that. If you can’t take it out, and I’m just using one silly stupid example. But if you can’t take out the trash in 10 minutes, like you said, Then don’t tell her you’ll take it out in 10 minutes, just tell her I will make sure it is out before the day is over.

And then of course you got to make sure it’s out before the day is over. But just don’t promise things that you can’t keep. And if for some reason you do promise something and then you don’t keep it. explain to her why and there should be a good reason not just because oops. Or I just get to it or whatever, there should be a good reason if you have a good reason you’re like, Hey, I know I said I would take the trash out in 10 minutes. However, I got a phone call from work and it was an important thing and I had to take it. And, you know, it went longer than I thought. And then I missed my window and I had to move on to something else. But I made sure it got out before you know, the morning when the trash truck guy, whatever, right? You get the idea. Okay, number seven, a man who makes her feel safe. Alright, this was number two, Story number two, write a man who makes her feel safe.

Now we did an entire episode Céline and I on safety and what that really means. Because a lot of times you guys are like, well, of course, you feel safe. It’s not like I’m gonna hit her. I’ve never done anything physical torture, this is not just about physical safety, that is a component of it. But there’s far more than just that. So I don’t remember what episode that was, it was probably within the last five or 10 that Céline. And I did. And I think the last episode we did was to 23. So it’s probably somewhere between 212 and 223, there was an amazing episode in there on safety and what that really means and why it’s so important to women and how you can cultivate that is a must-listen-to episode. All right, number eight, a man who is 100% all in on the relationship.

You know, I did four little stories to sort of illustrate why this topic came up. But this one I’m just remembering now as I’m talking about it, this one also came up very recently in another conversation where women want to know that you’re 100% in the relationship, and even if you tell them that you’re 100% in, but you’re not they can feel it, they can sense it. And they do not feel safe in a relationship when they can feel that you’re not 100% dedicated to it. And it will absolutely ruin a relationship, especially over time because the longer you’re together and you still haven’t committed to really being 100% in that relationship, the more she’s going to resent it. And the more it’s going to bring up little things and the more little arguments you have, you’ll have and stuff like that.

So women definitely want a man who is 100% all in, even if let’s say you’re in an open relationship or poly relationship, she still wants to know that you’re 100% all in for whatever role you’ve chosen in that relationship with her. Number nine, a man who will take charge and listen to her guidance, okay, women love it. When you take charge. We have used this example Selena and I many, many times on the show, where it’s like, Hey, let’s go out to dinner. And she says, What do you want? And you’re like, oh, I don’t know, whatever you want. She hates that. She absolutely hates that. What she wants is you to say, how about we go to this restaurant? Now here comes the second part, though, which is listening to her guidance.

What if she comes back and says, Oh, you know, we just ate there the other day? And or that’s not my favorite place? How about we go somewhere else? She doesn’t want you to go? No, I’ve decided that’s where I want to go. So that’s where we’re going. She wants you to go. Okay, if that’s not where you would like to go, how about this, let me propose another idea. And then see what she says. So you’re taking charge by coming up with ideas by making suggestions. But you’re also taking her opinion into account. You know, in my relationship with Celine, I always would take charge, but I would always listen to her. Also, there was a trip that we used to go on every year with a group trip.

And we always had a lot of fun. We never had any bad experiences there. And it was always a great break. It was just after the winter, we’re kind of hitting spring. And he just wanted to get out and it was in nature. And we really always enjoyed the trip. And then this is actually we had to make arrangements for it at the end of 2019. And because it’s at the beginning of 2020. And at the end of 2019 Céline says to me, I don’t think we should go on the trip this year. And I was like, why not? We always go on the trip. We love the trip. And she said, I don’t know. She said I just have a feeling that we just shouldn’t go this year. Now, this meant having to tell a lot of friends of ours that we weren’t going and So I was like, Okay, it’s a little awkward. I don’t really have a good reason.

But I had known Céline long enough and well enough to know that she was extremely intuitive. And then when she really got to hit on something like, Hey, I think this is what we should do or what we shouldn’t do that I should listen to that. And so I did listen to that. I said, Okay, I trust you, I trust that you have a strong feeling about this. And we’re going to say no to the trip. So we did say no to the trip. And then what happens just a few short months later, COVID and the whole world goes nuts. And of course, this was an international trip, right? So traveling across borders, and all that kind of stuff.

Wow, was that a great decision not to have done that. And I just had to trust and listen. So really, a woman wants a man who’s going to take charge, but also that really listens to her when she does have guidance, women are amazingly intuitive. You should listen to them, especially if they’ve done the work on themselves to so that they’re a much more clear channel. Alright, number 10, a man who is emotionally mature, what does that mean? A man who has high EQ, which is a term for emotional intelligence, somebody who understands his emotions, knows how to deal with his emotions and work with his emotions. And then I also have your EQ slash relational intelligence, because they’re not necessarily the same thing.

Relational intelligence includes EQ, but then expands on EQ with a whole set of additional skills that are really important. I mentioned Adam Bandeli, who we had on the show. He wrote a book called relational intelligence. He’s a PhD, industrial psychologist, it was a fascinating discussion, it was episode 221, I highly recommend you go back and listen to it if you want to know more about EQ and relational intelligence. But these are really important skills that every woman wants. And they will absolutely make any relationship anywhere, not just your intimate relationship with your partner, but your relationship with your kids, your relationship with your parents, your relationship with your friends, your relationship with your co-workers. If you have high EQ and relational intelligence, you will improve every relationship in your life. So really important to have high EQ, and good relational intelligence skills. And basically, to sum that up, you need to be an emotionally mature individual. Unfortunate, unfortunately, almost none of us learned that growing up. So we have to make it a point to learn it as adults, and it’s really important. All right, let’s take a short break for a little word from our sponsor. Yeah, baby. I know you get so excited over the sponsors.

But sponsors, whether they be me or other sponsors that we’ve had on the show, they are what make it possible for me to keep putting this information out there. And so supporting me and supporting this show, through you know, working with me through buying products from our sponsors, that’s what makes it all possible. So are you a couple Are you or relationship and sex life where you want them to be? Are there changes you would like to make but just don’t know how maybe you think there is nothing that can be done, I challenge you to make 2023 the year that that changes.

If you’re not 100% happy with where your relationship or sex life is then get help today and change your life. Go to Célineremy.com/sex-coaching-couples and schedule a strategy call with me today. So we can map out a strategy to get you where you want to be so you can have it all your way. And that is Célineremy.com/sex-coaching-couples and book your strategy call today. Link is in the description so you don’t have to remember it. This is for couples coaching. Which is always the best way if you’re in a relationship is to work with both people. However, if you’re not in a relationship or your partner is not wanting to maybe do the coaching with you, and you’re listening to this as a man and you’re hearing all these things I’m talking about and going shit I got some work to do I got some things I need to get better at.

Then you can of course always reach out to me personally for just men’s coaching, but in any case Célineremy.com/sex-coaching-couples for couples coaching. And you can also from the same website, find my Men’s coaching as well. Okay? Number 11, a man who knows who he is, it’s really important as a guy that you, you understand like you know who you are you feel grounded in who you are. This sort of like midlife crisis, I don’t know who I am, I’m trying to find myself kind of thing. It’s fine, because a lot of people go through that. But just know it is extremely unattractive to women. Like, they don’t want a man who’s still trying to figure out who he is.

They want a man who knows who he is, and is very firmly in solidly embodying that. So that is important. And hey, you know, if you have to go through that sort of process of soul searching, finding yourself, that’s fine, do the work that you’ve got to do. If you’re in a relationship already, hopefully, your partner is supporting you through that, if you’re not in one, my suggestion is to find who you are first before you get involved in a serious long-term relationship. Number 12, a man who has done the work to heal his childhood wounds. Ooh, yeah, this is a big one. You know, I’m very, very quickly approaching 50. And, you know, a lot of the people that I spend time with our 40s and 50s. You know, of course, there’s some 30s in there and some 60s in there, too.

But I’d say the majority of us are, you know, 40s and 50s, at this point. And the common feeling in those age groups is that people don’t want to have to be the teacher or the healer for their partner. And this is something that happens a lot when you’re younger, right? You find somebody who’s amazing, and all these ways, but they got this big problem. And you’re like, that’s alright, I can fix him. Haha. No, you can’t, and you shouldn’t dry. But people do. And they do this all the time. So as you get older, you start to realize, like, Hey, I don’t want to be the one to have to teach them this stuff. I don’t want to be the one that has to teach them how to be good in bed.

I don’t want to be the one to have to teach them how to hold space, how to teach them how to communicate, how to teach them how to be the man in the relationship or whatever, like, women, especially as they get older. Want a man who’s done the work now? Does that mean you have to be 100%? Perfect, and the work is done? No, because the work is never done. Right? But they do want a man that at least has done a fair amount of work to heal that childhood. stuff that gets in the way of so many relationships. So that is an important one. Number 13 A man who takes care of his body? Yes, yes. They do appreciate and want a man who takes care of his body.

Now does that mean you have to look like a bodybuilder? Do you have to look like a Chippendales dancer? Absolutely not. And you would be surprised when you really ask women what they really want now. Are they going to turn down a guy who has all these other things we’ve been talking about? And also has a Chippendale body? No, they’re gonna be like score. But if you ask them, Is it necessary? Is it a requirement, the majority of women would say no.

But they do at least want a man that is in decent shape. They don’t want a big overweight slob who kind of smells bad, doesn’t groom himself, or any of that kind of stuff. They want a man who takes care of his body. By the way, taking care of your body shows them that you are responsible and that you are willing to take care of other things to say the thing is if you can’t take care of yourself, how you’re going to take care of them. Right. And even if they have all the money in the world, they have the big job, they have the title, they have all of that and they don’t really need you to take care of them.

They want you to take care of them. And they want to know that you can take care of them. So if you’re not even taking care of your own body, they’re gonna look at that and go, How in the world is he going to take care of me? Number 14, a man who is good in bed. This is really important. Most women, with few exceptions, really do want a man who is good in bed and, you know, again, it’s another thing that most of us were not taught. So if you have difficulty getting erections, if you have difficulty lasting long enough, if you don’t know how to, you know, go down on a woman really well or, you know, use your hands on her, give her a great massage or make her orgasm at least once or multiple times.

Take her through waves of ecstatic bliss. You need to learn how. Go to powerandmastery.com Or hire me as a coach. I will teach you how to do those things. But when women are really honest when they really tell you what they want and what’s important to them, they will tell you that being good in bed is important to them. Number 15 a man she can count on in difficult situations are you a fight flight or freeze He’s the kind of guy, women really want guys that in a difficult situation will step up and do what needs to be done. So not everybody is by default a sort of fight some men are freeze or, or flight.

But you can overcome that through training, you can train yourself to be able to handle difficult situations when they arise. And those could be emergency situations a car accident, or, you know, somebody tries to mug you on the street or something like that. But they can also just be, you know, difficult life situations, family member dies, or there’s some sort of legal thing that has to be handled, she wants to know that she can count on you that you can stay calm, cool, collected, and go, Okay, let’s form a plan. Let’s figure out how to do this.

And then you do it. Really, really important. Okay, number 16, a man who can provide for her Now does that mean you have to provide for her? What if she has the six-figure CEO job, because there are plenty of women who do have those today, that’s perfectly fine. But she wants to know that, let’s just say she ever lost that job you could actually provide for her. Women do want to know that. Again, it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be the provider, but they want to know that you are capable of it and that you are okay with it.

You know, that was one of the things with Céline and I in our relationship, we both worked, we both earned money, and we both made roughly the same, I think most years I made a little bit more than she did. But I also worked more than she did you know because she worked less so that she could have the time to do the things, the other things in life that she wanted to do, like take care of the house and cook the meals and do all that which she absolutely loved to do.

I told her that if I could get to the point where she would never have to work again where she could just dedicate herself to that and that I would be perfectly happy doing that. But she did enjoy doing the work that she did she she honestly loved making a difference in people’s lives. And so she would have probably never stopped that completely. But she would have definitely liked to know that she can only do it whenever she felt like it. Okay, 17 A man who is a good and present father.

So you know, here’s one of those things. If you’re a younger person, you’re in your 20s or 30s, or even approaching 40s Yet, you have to understand that the overwhelming majority of women want to have children they do even though they say they don’t you know when they’re 25 or even 30 Later on, trust me, they’re gonna get to a point where the biological clock is ticking even though the biological clock isn’t really a real thing, not a physical thing. Anyway, it’s more of a mental thing. Most women are going to want to have kids and they’re going to immediately look at you the man and go with this guy. Make good father material.

That’s just a fact of life, whether you want to admit it or not. Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. Number 18. A man who is loving, right? So all women want a man that knows how to express love to her. That’s a pretty obvious one. Number 19, a man who shows appropriate emotions, ooh, what do I mean by appropriate emotions? Okay, something we’ve talked about on the show before is women want to know that you have emotions. So if you’re discussing something about the relationship, they want to feel you not just hear you, right?

Women are really all about feelings, and they want to feel you they want to know that you are emotionally invested in the relationship and that you can effectively and adequately express those emotions. However, as a man, you do have to be careful not to, you know, come home from work after a stressful day, because maybe you know that your job is talking about layoffs, and then you’re worried about how you’re going to support the family. What they don’t want is you to come home and dump all of your stuff all over them and be like,

I don’t know how I’m going to make money and what’s going to happen if this and that and I don’t know. And that is an absolutely huge turnoff. I suggest that you get yourself a good male friend or even a female friend who’s willing to listen to you or a therapist and dump all that shit on them. Don’t do it on your partner. However, she does want to hear how much you love her. How important she is to you and how happy she makes you feel. She wants to hear and feel your emotions, but she doesn’t want you to dump all your insecurities and stuff on her All right, number 20, a man with the skills to protect her.

This is a huge one for me, you know, I’m a martial artist, aside from being a multi-discipline black belt martial artist, I’m also highly trained in all types of firearms use. So, you know, as a blackbelt swordsman, so I’m good with blades, I’m good with guns, I’m good with my hands. I hope to never ever have to use any of those other than just training and knowing that I can, but it’s there if I need to. And I know that that always helped Selene feel safe, she knew that, that she could count on me if a difficult situation ever arose. And you know, one did actually arise one time there, there’s a there used to be a sushi restaurant not far from our house. And we used to walk there in the evenings, somewhat regularly. And one day, we were walking, and there were some random guys standing on the street, and talking about women who are having intuition.

He turned around and he asked a question, as we were walking by and Céline immediately said, Don’t engage with him. Like, just ignore him. I was going to answer his question. And then, you know, I’ve learned to listen to her. And I said, okay, yeah, it’s, you might not be all there. And turns out, he was a completely crazy guy, what, like ballistic because we ignored him yelling and screaming. And you know, something was really scary, like, this guy was posing a legit threat. So then he starts following us down the road. And so things like, Oh, my God, what are we going to do? What are we going to do? Now? At the time, I only had one weapon on me, which I did have days, I usually have two or three.

But I did have one on me. And I just said, Okay, I said, Just stay calm. I said, right now he’s following us. But he’s not running after us. I said, he could easily start running after us and try to make up the gap. But he’s not. So that means he’s more just threatening and posturing than actually being a threat. I said, but don’t worry, I literally have a weapon in my hand right now. I said, if he does start to charge us and come close to us, what I want you to do is immediately run to the restaurant and go inside. And I will stay here and deal with the situation. So women want to know that you’re capable of doing that. Now in that particular situation, if you’re curious what happened, he very slowly, you know, walked down the street following us shouting all kinds of profanities, he threw an apple out of his backpack at us.

And we just kept walking into we made it to the restaurant. And then we went inside and he disappeared. Now, obviously, is he still waiting for us? When we go outside? I know No. But you know, it’s the same thing. Well, we walked here, we have no choice but to walk home, I guess we probably could have called an Uber or something. But I said we’ll go outside and we’ll see what’s what. And she knew the drill, she knew what to do. And it turned out to be no problem, we walked home a different way just to make sure we weren’t going to go past where he was hanging out the last time and all was good. But anyway, women want to know that you do have the skills to protect them if you need to.

Okay, 21, a man who makes a difference in the world, women really want to know that what you’re doing makes a difference in the world. And remember, guys, you can make a difference in the world in many, many different ways. Even the most seemingly simple job can potentially make a difference. Like, you know, even if you’re working in a fast food restaurant, and all you’re doing is flipping burgers. But you know, you have contact with patrons that come in, and you affect them in some positive way that makes a difference in the world. Granted, that’s a small example. But the point is, is that you can make a difference, no matter what you do. Like you don’t have to be the president of a country in order to make a difference.

In fact, you probably make a bigger positive difference in the world if you’re not the president of a country. But women definitely want a man who is doing something in the world. Especially the really good women want a man who’s really trying to do something and make a difference in the world. 22 a man who has a big vision. Women want to know that you have a vision, a vision for the relationship, a vision for your career, a vision for your life together. In the future, you know, a vision for your kids, whatever it is, they want to know that you have a vision that you’re working towards. And number 23 a man she can trust without a doubt I did an entire episode very recently. I think it was called the one thing that if Every relationship needs to have something titled something like that.

Anyway, it’s an episode on trust. What is trust? Really? How do you develop it? What happens? If it’s broken, how can you get it back? Trust is super, super important. And a woman wants to know if she’s really going to commit herself to a relationship with you that she can trust you. 100% And she never ever doubts it. That is really important. Okay, who took me longer to get through that list than I thought? But there you go, there are 23 things that women really want in a relationship. Okay, what are some things that I didn’t mention? Number one model like looks number two, millionaire billionaire money. Number three, fancy car number four fame. And number five brags about his accomplishments all the time?

Why didn’t I mention those aren’t those things that women really want, don’t they want a guy who looks like a model, don’t they want a guy who’s rich, don’t they want a guy with fame and fancy cars and all that? Some do? Some do. But if you really, really get down to it, and women are really honest, the majority of them don’t really care about those things. What they do care about is all of those other skills that I just spent 45 minutes telling you about, those are the things that really matter to women, not the model-like looks, and this is why you’ll often see a very attractive woman with a guy who’s maybe not so attractive. And of course, the first thought is, he must have a lot of money, or he must be famous, right? Or maybe he’s got a really big cock. And he’s really great in bed, navy.

But the reality is, he probably has a bunch of these other skills, and he’s probably a really good man. And that is what is attractive to her. And so she doesn’t necessarily need the model like looks or all the money or whatever. So that’s why those things are not on the list, because they’re superficial. And they’re not what most women are looking for. All right. So that brings me to how can you become this man? Number one, you need to do this for yourself, first and foremost, okay, great if you want to do this, so that you can score the woman. But really, you need to do it for yourself. Because if you’re doing it for somebody else, you’re probably not going to keep up with it.

And you’re probably not going to do the amount of work it takes to be able to master all those skills, because it’s going to take a lot of work, it’s going to take years, maybe a lifetime to master all that. But it can be done. It’s an ongoing process, you should be working on it. And you should be doing it because you want to do it because you want to become that man. There is really no better pursuit in life than to try to be the best that you can be. And know that when you change yourself, you will literally change the world around you. Super important. It all starts from the inside. We say that on this show all the time. So if you want to be this man, do it for yourself. First. Understand that this is an important pursuit and know that as you’re changing yourself, you are literally changing the world.

Okay, having said that, you want to make sure that you learn how to be a healthy masculine man, Céline and I have talked about this before you have the old school, sort of what we would call the macho asshole masculine, who was masculine, but was missing a lot of the traits I just went over. And then from there, men tend to realize, oh, I don’t want to be that guy. So then they get into being sort of the softy spiritual guy, which, you know, unfortunately, lets go of some of the masculine traits that were good and only takes on some of the lighter traits and it’s missing the masculinity piece. And then if a man continues to his development, he gets to really what is more of a healthy masculinity that combines the both has the soft skills of the of the new agey spiritual guy married with the masculine skills, the healthy masculine skills, have the sort of old school masculine. So you really learned you really need to learn how to become what we would call a healthy, masculine man. And there’s a lot of pressure in this world to not do that. So this is really, really important. We need as many of those healthy masculine men in the world as possible if we are really going to create the world that we all want to live in.

Number two, be secure in your opinions. So you should have opinions and you should hold them and of course, also be open to potentially changing them. If new information comes along. You absolutely have to learn good communication skills. That’s number three. We have done whole episodes on this show on how to improve your communication skills. There are lots of strategies that you can use. Anybody can learn how to do it. Some people are natural communicators. Some people are not but anybody can learn it. You want to learn how to hold space, so don’t take it personally when she cries. It’s probably really not about you.

You don’t have to fix everything right learn what it truly means to hold space for a woman and her range of emotions, everything from tears to anger and in between, right, you need to learn how to hold space for that. Number five, follow through with what you say you’re going to do, man, if you could take even just one thing away from this episode, it’s follow through with what you say you’re going to do integrity, integrity, integrity, say what you’re going to do, and then do what you said you were going to do really super important. Sounds simple, but I can’t tell you how many men have difficulty doing this, for fear of letting her down or maybe they not gonna do it, or they want to make her happy.

They say all these things and they don’t actually follow through with them. Not good. If you find yourself doing that, just catch yourself and go, Okay, I realized I did that. I’ll do better next time, it’s going to take time to change that pattern. Number six, commit 100% to your relationship. If you can’t commit 100% to being in it, then it’s probably not the right relationship for you. Number seven, increase your EQ relational intelligence, go back and listen to our episode on that figure out he covers the essential skills to building relational intelligence. Find out what those are and work every day to master them really important. Number eight, find yourself we talked about this, make sure you really know who you are, so that you can show up to your relationship firmly in your power of here’s who I am.

Do the healing work. A lot of people haven’t done the work that they need to heal all of those traumas, you really need to do it, you just there’s no avoiding it, do whatever you need to do. If you need to see a therapist, if you need to work with a coach, if you need to process it on your own, whatever it is, find the modality that works for you, and really commit yourself to doing the healing work. We’ve all got trauma under the surface. And we need to figure out what that is and move it out and heal it. It’s super important. Number 10 train your body. Again, you don’t have to look like a bodybuilder. But don’t look like a big out of shape. slob either have some pride in your physical body, you only get one in this lifetime, right? So you want to take care of it.

And you want to show that you’ve got the dedication and the discipline to do that. Number 11. Learn how to be good in bed Powerandmastery.com Powerandmastery.com Powerandmastery.com or Célineremy.com. And select under work with us men’s coaching with Kevin, and get on a call with me and figure out how to finally learn how to be good in bed. Get on purpose, figure out what your purpose is in life, figure out what it is women love a man who has a purpose and who is driven to complete that purpose. So if you don’t have one, find one, you got to figure out what it is. Understand appropriate emotions.

We talked about that before? What are the appropriate motions that she wants you to share, right, and then a really healthy interrelationship to share and one of the ones that you should probably be sharing with your therapist or your friend and not necessarily your woman. 14 have a vision for where you are going. So it’s really important to have a vision, hey, what do you want to create in life? You know, I have a great male friend, he’s a really good friend of mine. And we have this conversation a lot. You know, he’s like, Well, maybe I want to do this. And maybe I want a woman who does that. And maybe I want this, I said, Look, you’ve got to figure out what it is you really want.

Because you can’t know where you’re going, or how to get there if you don’t know where there is. So what’s the vision? What are you trying to accomplish in life, once you know what that vision is, then you can start taking steps to get there. And last one, get help in all these areas. Look, we don’t have to do this stuff all by ourselves. It’s hard. We don’t even know where to start sometimes. So you know if any of these things are places where you’re like, just don’t even know where to start, get help. Whether it’s a therapist or a coach or good friends, whatever it is, there are tons of it. You can hire a personal trainer, you can hire a psychologist, you can hire a psychiatrist, you can hire a coach, you can hire a sex coach, right?

I mean, most of what I’m teaching you in this episode, I can help you with so if you want hire me as a coach to help you with that great. We’ve interviewed tons of people on the show who do similar work who can also help you the point is just don’t get stuck thinking you got to do it all by yourself and getting nowhere. So, you know now, I mean, I’m sure we can make an even long are less than the 23 things that I made, but you have a pretty good idea of what women are looking for. If you don’t possess at least the majority of those, or if there are a couple of key ones that you’re missing, or maybe you don’t really have any of them, start doing the work today to get there.

It will make you a better person, it will improve every relationship in your life. And then you can have the relationship of your dreams. Don’t you want that? Of course, you do. We all do. And even if the relationship of your dreams is simply the best relationship with yourself, because you just like to be alone, and you want to live by yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that too. But make sure that you’re having the best relationship with yourself. Because if you’re there by yourself all the time and you’re not happy with who you are, because you’re not living up to your own expectations, then do something about it. All right. Whew, that was a lot. I didn’t think this episode was going to be that long. Thank you for sticking in there and listening to the entire thing. I hope that you learned something very valuable. And you know, Hey, ladies, I hope you listened to this show is well, because sometimes you all aren’t that clear on exactly what it is you want also, so I hope that maybe that cleared it up for you. Maybe you went Oh, yeah. Uh huh. Right. That is, that is actually what I want. Because sometimes you don’t know especially if you haven’t had it. So hope it was super valuable. That’s all I have for you for this episode. And I will see you next week.

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Céline Remy 1:06:43
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at Célineremy.com/vault. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 1:06:57
Thanks for listening.

Céline Remy 1:06:59
And remember, you’re amazing