The Dynamics Of Open Relationships

Céline Remy 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab Podcast, a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman single or couple, this is the show for you. Because well, sex matters. We are your hosts Kevin Anthony and Céline Remy.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Now, all right. Welcome back to the love lab podcast. This is Episode 80. And it is coaching Randy through the dynamics of open relationships. So this is going to be kind of fun. It’s sort of a virtual coaching session. Now, Randy didn’t actually want to be on the show, but he was okay with us using the questions.

Kevin Anthony 0:50
And so what we thought we would do is sort of recreate as best we could in 30 minutes the actual coaching session that Randy had. So We’re going to go with sort of through his questions, and we’re going to answer them the way that we did. Now, keep in mind, his coaching session was a lot more than just 30 minutes. So, you know, it’s gonna be a little bit of a condensed version of, but you’ll get the idea.

Céline Remy 1:16
The other thing too is the questions were a starting point. And when you are live, sometimes there are things that come through, or there’s just like, you bounce off something you just said, and keep going down the rabbit hole of something else. So what was really interesting about the questions he had like he wanted to prepare and be able to get the most value from our time together.

Céline Remy 1:39
It was so helpful to see those and then we realize that these questions are universal for people who are looking to open their relationships, who would answer on an understanding about how the whole thing works. We thought, hey, making a show from it. So we did get his permission and yes, still needed to keep it as anonymous as possible. We did change his name. But that’s the only thing the rest is all real.

Kevin Anthony 2:09
That’s right. So if you think you know who Randy is, you don’t.

Céline Remy 2:16
So I’m really excited. And I want to jump into our questions. But before we do that, I want to shout out to our sponsor power and mastery. Obviously, you’ve heard about our sponsors. If you’ve been listening to the love lab podcast, and you know that this is the best place for men who want to be learned how to be great in bed, basically, power and mastery has three different online courses, whether you want to have harder, stronger erections, or you want to last longer or you want to have better skills, there is a course for you and you can check it all out at power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 2:52
All right, well, let’s just jump into you want to maybe give a little backstory about Randy. Because we’re going to jump in and his first question is he wants to understand his friend’s desire for an open relationship, but maybe we should set the ground about sure who he and his friend are.

Céline Remy 3:10
Absolutely. So Randy is in his 50s. And he was recently traveling and went to Europe. And he was interested in seeing, like, how does it work in other places? How do people flirt? One of the things that was coming up for him to was it was finding it difficult to date here, and that oftentimes a lot of women and his age group felt very jaded with life and relationship. And he’s definitely more young, youthful and wanting some.

Céline Remy 3:44
It’s not the youth that he’s looking for, it’s the radiance, it’s the energy of excitement and still wanting to have a life because when you’re 50 you’re a little maybe over half of your life, but you still got a good portion of it left and so you don’t want to start, like going down here. The 50s is when it just kind of starts being good.

Kevin Anthony 4:05
Yeah, I mean, everybody’s attracted to radiance and wants radiant. And I think in his case, it really was more that he was just wanting somebody that still had some optimism for life. Ya know, it’s like, like you said, he’s still got a big chunk of his life left and who wants to go through that with somebody who’s basically over it?

Céline Remy 4:24
Absolutely. So he met somebody while traveling. And while she was a bit younger, the relationship right now is long distance, there might be a potential for living in together or not like there’s a lot of components to it. But that’s kind of the background without giving too many personal details so you understand more where he’s coming from us.

Kevin Anthony 4:47
And there was there’s one more detail that factors in when we talked about opening relationships, which is that she was just out of a long relationship.

Céline Remy 4:56
Yes,

Kevin Anthony 4:56
and so she has hesitancies jump right back into another which is understandable

Céline Remy 5:01
Yes. And he didn’t get into this relationship like hey, this is what I want it’s coming more from her but because he’s having such a beautiful connection with that woman he is considering opening up or seeing what this look like and so this is why really he wanted some coaching and reached out to us because he wanted to know well how to make it work what was possible and like make a more informed decision based on that

Kevin Anthony 5:32
Okay, so now you understand where he’s at which means his questions will make way more sense

Céline Remy 5:40
Absolutely. So he started the by wanting to understand if his friends desire for an open relationship is selfish and maybe a naive or is it something that’s genuine and kind and workable? And so what’s he gave us a little bit of things saying like she doesn’t want to be controlled the cuz she’s just been out of a long marriage, she wants to be free of the rules of common relationships and create her own.

Kevin Anthony 6:07
Yeah. So there’s, there’s this idea when it comes to open relating, and you’ll hear people actually say this, I’ve literally had people say this, they go, you just watch your cake and eat it too. That’s all. That’s all. You just want your cake and eat it too, right? Like this is this is what people will say when they’re jaded about open relationships. So you see a little bit of that here in his question, which is, he’s wondering, Is this just selfish and naive?

Kevin Anthony 6:33
Or is it genuine? He’s wanting to know, like, does she really just want her cake and eat it too? Or does she really have a genuine desire for it? Now, my take on it, just from what we know about the situation is here’s a woman that was in a long term relationship that ended badly and she is not sure if she wants to jump into another one of those but she’s having an attraction to Randy.

Kevin Anthony 7:02
And she’s interested in spending time, of course, there are some additional hurdles as well like the distance between the two of them. So this actually, to me is one of those cases where it would potentially make sense to try an open relationship.

Céline Remy 7:18
One thing that I want to mention here is, is really knowing your why, why do you want to go into one style of a relationship over the other one. And if you’re going to do another relationship, just because you’re thinking, I want an open relationship, because I want to have a shitload more sex and I’m having currently, that’s usually not the best reason for saying it doesn’t always mean that’s what you’re going to get.

Céline Remy 7:46
Because, you know, scheduling gets tricky and managing a lot of people. One of the very first thing that people need to understand is anytime you open up a relationship, and you add people, everything gets magnified. That means the love gets magnified but so do the issues or the resentments little things.

If you getting going into an open relationship from the for the wrong reasons, you really going to hit your head against the wall if you’re doing them for the right reasons where you want to have a grove where you want to experience something you want to see something alternative in her situation she did the traditional route.

Céline Remy 8:29
She did the “Let’s get married”, let’s do all of this and it did not end the way that she pictured when she said I do for life. And so I understand that then comes the point where like, wow, if what I did what I’ve been told was going to work out didn’t What else is there I want to try the other alternative because this was such a letdown. And so coming from that place of curiosity is a great place. Trying open relating because you want to fix your broken relationship is not a good reason.

Kevin Anthony 9:04
Yeah. And we actually hear that we’ve heard that quite a few times from people where they say, Well, I’m not getting enough sex in my relationship. So I’m going to try open relating, or my relationship isn’t really working. So I thought if we brought another person in that that might fix it. This is like the insane thing where people are like, why our relationship is bad. So we’ll have a child and that will somehow make it all better. Like it’s completely ridiculous.

Kevin Anthony 9:28
A point that I like to make a lot is that you have to realize that having a relationship with more than one person exponentially increases the dynamics involved. So it’s just two people, you just have a dynamic between two people, most likely, sometimes there can be dynamics between family members that also get in the way of your relationship, but for the most part, it’s just two people.

Now you bring in a third person, that doesn’t just mean one more dynamic, it actually means two more dynamics because you have the relationship between these two and then the other two, right, every combination of the three that exists is another relationship dynamic.

Kevin Anthony 10:07
And so you’re we’re complicating things exponentially, you know, add a fourth person in how many dynamics are there between every person in that group of four. So it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s not that easy. So your point, something about doing it for the right reason is so important because you are embarking on a challenge that’s going to be harder than what you’re used to, especially if you’ve never done it.

Céline Remy 10:34
And I think it’s very important to have that discussion together. If you’re like, Randy, in a situation like that, and one of you is wanting to open up is, to be honest, why do you want to open up Is it because you not having all your needs met? And you’re like, hey, you’re not my forever partner and I don’t want to be stuck and then, you know, not have any more options or is it because we want to do this together.

Céline Remy 10:58
One thing that Enough, we will talk more about this later for the questions is, what’s important is it should add to your relationship and not take away. So number one, you want to have clarity of your wife. Number two, you want to be honest, even if it hurts about why you’re doing it, and then you want to choose to gather to embark on this. And now in order for this to be successful, you need to put certain things in place. And you need to do this as a team.

Kevin Anthony 11:30
Absolutely. And so one of the things that she said Is she wants to be free of the rules of common relationships so that she can create her own rules. And well, yeah, that’s basically what open relating is like you are free to create whatever rules for relationship you want. So from our point of view, I think we both agreed that the Y seems to be legit. That’s step one.

Céline Remy 11:54
So let’s move on to the second question here. So for him, he’s trying to wrap his head around that He’s saying the idea of an open relationship bothers me less if I keep myself detached from her. But she wants to be close to me but still be free to indulge. She said she longs for a deeper connection with me but doesn’t want it to close her off to the world. That’s so common where there’s some people think that okay if I will love deeply it can. It can only be one person. Open will.

Céline Remy 12:31
Open relationships don’t mean that you are shallow and it’s not deep. You could do it like this. Or you could just be a swinger and not have like a deep connection, but a lot of people and I know from me and when I was doing open relationships, it was all about love. It was all about the connection. And so I learned how can I love somebody fully intensely and love Somebody else just with the same intensity, and it’s never the same.

Céline Remy 13:04
Anyone who’s listening who has children, you know, you love all of you kids. And it’s, you know, people say I love them the same, but if you really look at it, you love them with the same intensity, hopefully. But this is a different bond with everyone, but that you can value that bond and that difference. And I think it’s the same with open-relationship here.

Kevin Anthony 13:28
Absolutely. And there’s, there’s this misunderstanding that, to go deep, it has to be just two people. And so this is a false dichotomy that we’re presented with all the time, which is, well, I can have multiple people and it’ll just be kind of shallow, and we won’t really ever go deep and we won’t really, you know, get to the really good stuff, or I could just settle down with one person and go deep. that dichotomy isn’t true.

Kevin Anthony 13:55
You can still go deep and you can still have all that stuff with more people. Yeah. can be a little harder, it’s going to take more time, right? Maybe more time, because there are only so many evenings you can spend talking with each one, you know, or only so many trips and travels and things that you can do that will take you into those, those deeper levels. But it’s absolutely possible.

Céline Remy 14:18
Yes. And so, remember, it’s, it’s all about you create your own rules, right? There’s not like, Oh, we follow this roadmap. Sure you can. These are guidelines like we’re giving you here. But here again, it’s about creating your own rules. And so if we, if we read to the next question, I forget will help to answer that today because she says that what happened recently was unplanned and simply an exploration that’s planning it or not planning make any difference? If so, was it really not planed, you know.

Céline Remy 14:52
For him in his eyes, what happened was very likely, like, intense, you know, and so he’s trying to find this balance of the scales, you know, that would involve intense. Such a good question. Because some people know for sure they want to go into an open relationship. Some people, a kind of happens like for him here where, in my case, I didn’t specifically seek that out, but I had a partner who said, that’s what he wanted.

Céline Remy 15:27
And so I knew getting into the relationship, that’s what we were going to do. That’s how we created things that worked for us created rules and guidelines, more guidelines than rules, you know, but like really made it a beautiful, safe container to explore that.

Céline Remy 15:45
What I see here too, is someone who has been in long term relationship who is finally out and who’s still young and wants to explore, and I find it very wise to be like, Hey, you know, I have this deep connection with you. And I don’t want to go right back into another serial, monogamous relationship before I know for sure the things that I want in life.

Kevin Anthony 16:11
Yeah. And so, as you said, you can intend this to be in an open relationship where you say, I’m going to go out and look for this and try to create it. That’s one-way men and the other way is okay, here are the circumstances before us. And what style of relationship would work well with the circumstance? And I think that’s where they’re at here. Where Yeah, she wasn’t going out and searching for an open relationship, nor was he, but they find themselves in this situation where, you know, she stated that she longs for a deeper connection with him.

Kevin Anthony 16:48
And at the same time, she wants to create her own rules because the old way didn’t work for her. So, again, I think this is a pretty good fit for trying to miss out. Now, I would also say that, because neither of them was like, and we’ve met people like this, we know, plenty of them were like, an open relationship is our thing. You know, like, like, that’s who we are to the core. That’s just, that’s our way of being. I don’t know that that’s their way of being in this case. So I would also caution both of them to say, Okay, so this seems to fit what you want at this moment.

Kevin Anthony 17:31
But make sure that you realize that it might change in the future, right, in one way or the other. We don’t really know. But because it’s more of an exploration, because it’s an openness to see what you can create at this moment. Just know that what you eventually end up creating might look very different.

Céline Remy 17:55
And so that was definitely one of the advice that we gave him was: if you are doing this, do it for yourself. And don’t do it for her. Don’t do it because like, Are you too scared that you’re not gonna find somebody else as great, do it because you are absolutely utterly excited about the exploration and who you will become in the process of learning, open relating, don’t do it move away to the other side of the planet.

Céline Remy 18:23
And then three months later, realize that you guys are not a fit, and then be really resentful or sad that you left your old life and now you’re like, in Europe somewhere, and that’s not working out. You have to love it every minute and not the attach of it to really last forever. And you want to have the growth

Kevin Anthony 18:43
and see it as an adventure. Yes. Right. Like, look at it, have a world of possibilities just opened up to you that you could create it any way you want, huh? Yeah, that’s amazing.

Céline Remy 18:58
So I’m really excited about the next Question because we spent a lot of time in our coaching around that question and I’m going to give it enough time. So basically, Randy’s question was what scenarios would be okay, each of us going out with separate partners? or bringing a bird in the bedroom? Or do we do like one time encounters on the multiple start times, but stop when there are feelings that grow?

Céline Remy 19:23
Do we do couples exchanging partners near each other? I mean, or do we completely separate with no knowledge of the encounter? Do we report back after in detail after each encounter? Do whatever but tell the ever people when affection grows for someone on the outside? Wow.

Céline Remy 19:42
And this is why I’m saying like this is where we spent most of the meat of our coaching time with him because there is so much and I think everyone who’s exploring this has these questions. I sure had these and the first thing I want to say is that okay?

Kevin Anthony 20:01
Go for it. And then I guess there’s some before we answer the individual questions, there are a couple of general statements that we can make. And you go first I’ll go second.

Céline Remy 20:10
Okay, absolutely. So the first thing I want to say is that there’s no set rule. We asked him, What do you want? what feels good for you? And for me? It was I always liked to know every detail, I actually got turned on knowing everything. Something that was very important to me was inclusion. And that meant that I had a right to be on the day to that’s my partner went to anytime I chose to, like I didn’t have to ask, do I have permission, I could show up if I wanted to, or if they were making love in the bedroom, I could just be there.

Céline Remy 20:50
And because I had this inclusion, right, I very seldomly used it, but it took a lot of the pressure off of like, what happens if my partner goes away on a date, and I feel so lonely and miserable. And then I can don’t want to be by myself at home, crying my eyes off while they’re having sex and the time of their life. So if that’s such a scenario happens, I could tag along and be like, hey, I need extra like attention or need love or want to be included. And that was always Okay, some really, you gotta start to take each one of these scenarios.

Céline Remy 21:29
And that’s why in this particular podcast, we want to take you through that. But that’s what we did with Randy. We took him down more of each scenario and had him look at Hey, what feels good, like, how does your body react to that? What do you like what gets you turned on until he started? You know, like, Oh, this is probably what would feel right.

Céline Remy 21:49
And one last thing before I let you talk, Kevin is please remember that there is a big difference between what you make in your head and what truly happens in reality. I found that it was always harder in my head when I was thinking about the scenarios than when I was actually living them.

Céline Remy 22:09
Because in our minds we have a tendency to make things may be harder or like we forget the love that comes when more people are together, we kind of see all the problems but in reality, we forget that people are truly kind and compassionate, especially when you’re together to like, you know, make love, it’s really what happens and you can move through little hiccups or, or insecurities much more easily as a team than by yourself.

Céline Remy 22:38
And I think that it’s really important to know that even if it sounded good in your head, that might not be really good in reality, or if it sounded really not good in your head, it actually could be really good in reality, so keep the doors open.

Kevin Anthony 22:51
Absolutely. Some other general I mean, as you said, Every one of these is dependent on the actual situation right? So We could answer all of these for Randy. But they may not necessarily apply to you. But there are some general things that I think are really important, some of which you answered some maybe new ones that I’ll add.

Kevin Anthony 23:11
One is, whatever you decide, you both have to be in agreement. I know that sounds ridiculous, at least simple, but it’s true. And you have to be really honest about that. You have to be really honest about being okay with it, whatever you sit down and negotiate, you both have to be in line with that. Mm-hmm. Which is very often not always the case. And one of the reasons why is because of communication.

Kevin Anthony 23:39
So my second general statement is you have to really communicate openly about all of this. You can’t hold back. You have to be 100% honest with what you’re okay with what you’re not okay with. When you’re sitting down to figure out how this is going to work for you. You just have to be 100% honest You don’t say go until you’re really in agreement, like really in agreement.

Céline Remy 24:07
So one thing that we brought into light for Randy was the idea of seeing yourself as a team and writing things down. And I know that you’ve got some story from being in open relationships that you might want to share at some point, Kevin, but some of the things for sure that that is important is those things need to be clear.

Céline Remy 24:29
And I believe that in writing is better than verbal. And so it’s creating your relationship agreements, and know that those agreements will change over time. When I started, I think we had a six pages agreement because we were trying to think about every single detail. And then as you know, you’re like four years in the relationship.

Céline Remy 24:51
You feel so much more comfortable, you kind of ditch most of it and maybe you just have a couple of things, some of the things that you absolutely need to know In remembering is how do you do safe sex? How do you actually have sex with other people? Do you use condoms? Do you disclose STI, I mean, all of these things are absolutely crucial. We’ve done a whole show on how to talk about STI, like how to have sex, safe sex.

Céline Remy 25:18
So for more details on how to go back to that particular show, but this needs to be very clear. Another thing to remember is it has to add to the relationship, not take away. And so if you go to a party and you meet another hot babe, and you’re like, Oh, I wouldn’t want to fuck this person knows that. If that’s a true connection. The excitement, desire will still be there in a day after you go home and talk with your partner.

Kevin Anthony 25:50
Yeah. And so one of the most common rules and I know it’s a rule I certainly had, and I think you have that rule as well is there’s no calling up your partner at the last minute and going, I met this person and I really want to have sex with them like, No, absolutely not you and you’re out and about in your partners at home thinking that life is all good doing their thing.

Kevin Anthony 26:12
And then they get this frantic phone call or this call where there’s suddenly pressure to make a decision right there and you don’t know the details. Absolutely not like something said. If there really is a genuine attraction, it will still be there a day later, two days later next week, whenever you can schedule your day unless your agreement is don’t tell and anything goes. And that’s a different agreement.

Kevin Anthony 26:38
It is a different agreement. It’s not one that I recommend, and we can go into that later. But I want to tell you reminded me of a funny story that I wanted to tell about agreements and whether or not you should write them down. Okay, so I was in a relationship. And we had decided that we were going to transition our relationship into an open relationship and we talked about this, and we did have some rules. Now we didn’t have a six-page, you know, list of, you know, agreements for it.

Kevin Anthony 27:09
But we had I think about four or five main agreements. They were things like, no calling the person last minute and saying I really want to do this. There were things like the next day. You know, you have to tell them all the details. safe sex was a must. And there were one or two more like they were bit more high-level things, as opposed to some people, get super detailed. And

Céline Remy 27:36
you have one about no ejaculation inside a woman.

Kevin Anthony 27:39
Yes. Yeah, that was one. Yeah. So all right, here’s the funny part of the story. We are traveling to an event, and the event is a sex-positive event. It is actually an event that is all about poly people. So it’s a four day weekend, out at a site where they were taking over an entire hotel. They were doing this whole event with having teachers come in doing workshops and you know, some play parties at night and stuff. And we’re driving there and we are driving with a friend of ours who’s also a coach in the sex-positive world and relationship world.

Kevin Anthony 28:25
And just to make conversation from the backseat, she says, so where do you guys agreements you know, like, We’re on our way to this Bali thing? Where do you guys agreements and my partner’s sitting in the passenger seat? She goes, we don’t have any agreements. I like almost swerved out of the lane I was in I was like, What? What do you mean, we don’t have it. And then I listed all the agreements, you know, the four or five, six that we had, and I’m like, we’ve talked about every one of these things.

Kevin Anthony 28:53
Every one of these things is an agreement. What do you mean we don’t have agreements. And that was the moment in which I really realized that because we didn’t write them down, that somehow they weren’t considered actual agreements. I don’t know how that is. We’ve clearly spoken about every one of these.

Céline Remy 29:15
And isn’t that didn’t you reach out to us afterward to me in my previous partner to ask for our agreements so that you guys could make an agreement like started from what we had written and made you on? I’m pretty sure

Kevin Anthony 29:27
that you did. I said, Well, what are your guy’s agreement? I want to see what you wrote, you know, so I use that and we made a new list of agreements. Not only did I write it down, but I also had it saved digitally on my phone. So that if this ever came up at any moment, I’m like, wait, I have the agreements.

Céline Remy 29:50
And I think that this was the part that was one of the biggest takeaways for Randy to realize that they could decide this as a team. Know that things could change over time that maybe at first you do something a certain way, then you feel more comfortable or you try to explore something else.

One other thing that we also mentioned was we recommended maybe starting playing together with other people first because then you can start to see how you interact, how it feels, it’s easier to say stop or, or like into reconnect and to create something so maybe take baby steps, you know, you don’t have to go all the way first.

Céline Remy 30:31
You could basically make love next to another couple. I mean, for a lot of people this is like groundbreaking when that happened Reggie for most is it is and I’m no I’m saying like this and I was like Africa was about 23 the first time it happened and it was just like yeah, it’s been a while. So for me, it’s kind of part of like it’s kind of natural. My dad is no it’s not a biggie for me, because it’s like been there done that numerous times. I can’t even count it anymore. But it’s like, if I remember to the first time it was solely liberating so you could start with something like that.

Céline Remy 31:03
And then there could be a let’s talk you know like you can make love and play out some fantasies and remember free some doesn’t always mean that it’s to go on the guy could be two guys on a girl How do you feel as the dude as Randy being next to never men with a penis and would you want to play with that penis or not? Do you want to be involved? Do you want to direct them? Or do you want to just watch like never think to his maybe you just want to watch her being fucked by somebody else? Yeah, some people are into some people into that.

Céline Remy 31:36
But see this there are like there are no limits. Anything you can imagine is worth trying as long as you both you know in full consent and you’re not hurting anyone. I mean, you know, if it’s constant hurting for BDSM, why not but still you know what I mean? But, so like, try the scenario starts with Baby steps and sees which one feels good. And then the one most important thing is always come back to gather, wherever it’s the very next day.

Céline Remy 32:13
Whenever if you live together then after you go on a date with somebody else, you go back and sleep with your partner in the same bed and by sleeping and just living doesn’t mean to have sex, but always make sure that then you go back to nurture your relationship again. And the more you can feed that relationship, the more secure you will feel and the easier it will be to open up to have our experiences.

Céline Remy 32:39
And the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And it’s okay to say I need to slow down. It’s okay to say this doesn’t feel good. It’s okay to say I need reassurance that you love me. And this is what the coming back together really is about. It’s about saying I just had a great fuck with this person and I’m coming back to You and I love you.

Kevin Anthony 33:01
Yeah, you know, you just reminded me of a rule. So assuming that Randy and his partner agree to be, you know, what people call primary sort of the primary relationship and then they, you know, explore outside of that. You reminded me of a rule that I think is kind of a must in these scenarios. That’s the veto rule.

Céline Remy 33:21
Yes. That’s right. I forgot that one. Yeah, totally talked about this one Friday.

Kevin Anthony 33:25
Yeah, exactly. The veto rule is this. If we are considered primaries, we are the main unit and we decide that we want to have any sort of lovers or interaction outside of that. In order to keep the integrity of us. We each have to have veto power, which means that if for any reason, we need to call a red light on what’s happening like a hard stop. We have the power to do that. So let’s say I was having a lover on the side and for some reason

Kevin Anthony 34:00
That particular person maybe was triggering to you, or there was maybe bringing in some drama into the relationship or something that was sort of destabilizing for us and negatively affecting us, you would have the power to say, No, I need you to stop. And then me, I have to respect that. I have to say, Okay, my primary commitment is to you in this relationship. And if this isn’t working for you, then it’s not really working for me either. And a change needs to be made.

Céline Remy 34:32
Yes, and don’t use it lightly veto power is something that you only use when it’s absolutely necessary. But knowing that you have that also helps you feel more comfortable opening up. So we kind of getting close to the end of our show, and we’ve got a lot more there. But I think this gave us a really good idea about the dynamics of an open relationship with Where you know where you can start going?

Céline Remy 35:03
And to sum up, some of the other thing that I really want to mention because he had a question about, hey, what happens if she has sex and then I don’t or if I want sex, I would have to go and get it out. Like maybe I’ll even have to pay for it, you know, or so things like that, and that doesn’t feel good. And the thing is, you have to remember that being an open relationship is not always like that’s what that’s like, or you had sex now I have to go have sex. Like sometimes one has a lover and another one doesn’t.

Céline Remy 35:32
Sometimes one has three lovers and the other one has just one or none. And it is always a great opportunity to be like, I’m like, hey, if she goes on a date, you could be doing something you really want to do. You could be reading you could be working on a project playing guitar going to hang out with guys or do something like that feeds you or you could have another lover but it’s really not about she’s having this so I need to have that she just had sex for somebody. I need to do this Same thing, that’s not how open relationship work. So

Kevin Anthony 36:03
and we actually see a lot of people try to do that. And it and it ultimately drives them crazy because it never really works out like nothing in life is 100% equal, your monogamous relationship isn’t 100% equal? Like it just isn’t right? Like somebody gets more of the chocolate cake regularly.

Céline Remy 36:25
They get more of the chips and hummus, right?

Kevin Anthony 36:27
You know, it’s like, it’s never going to be 100 It’s not like we’re over here counting chips like you get five chips over here, you get five chips over here, you know, like, that’s not the way that it works. an open relationship doesn’t work that way either. So, you know, if you’re thinking that, well, she had sex three times. So now I have to go out and find somebody to have sex three times and

Céline Remy 36:47
It never should be a should. It has to be natural and it has to feel good. You have to be a fool. Yes. And what’s beautiful as what you start to learn when you an open relationship. is to start to listen to your needs and to yourself because you have to set boundaries. You have to speak out for what you want and need in order to get those things. This is something that a lot of people don’t practice.

Céline Remy 37:12
And by the way, you don’t have to be in an open relationship to start to learn to do that you should be doing this in any relationship, setting boundaries and asking for what you want and needs. Because ultimately, that’s how you can be fulfilled in a relationship. And I want to say that if you’re not good at relationship, monogamous relationship, don’t think that you’re going to be good at open relating.

Kevin Anthony 37:34
No, you’ll just be bad at more than one relationship.

Céline Remy 37:39
So think of those as you play grounded. We barely scratched the surface, but we hope that this gave you a new place to start some new things. As always, we are more than happy to support you on your growth and diving into details and we’re available for coachings and supporting you on your journey and did you have something else you wanted to add about we about coaching sessions on the air?

Kevin Anthony 38:06
Oh, yes. So this we call this a virtual coaching session one because, you know, it’s via this medium that we’re using, right, which is the podcast, but also because we couldn’t get Randy to actually be physically on the show with us to sort of go through a coaching but we wanted to offer out to the audience, one on-air free coaching session.

Kevin Anthony 38:36
So you will come on the podcast with us for 30 to 40 minutes or so. And you can ask about anything about sex, love, and relationship and we will provide coaching for you right here live on the podcast.

Céline Remy 38:52
And just to be clear, this can be done online. It’s You don’t have to be physically here where we are at the studio. You just have to show up up on camera and be willing to have your voice right there. So, you know it’s can be sensitive because it’s like, wow, this is like really edgy. I don’t want to talk about these things. But some people are fine about this. And so if you are interested, please send us an email at support at…. What’s the email?

Kevin Anthony 39:22
supported the love lab, but it’ll be in the notes, just click on the link to send us a message. And we’ve only got one slot. And we expect to get more than one message. So what we’re going to do is we will take all the requests in and we will try to find someone that we think would make the most engaging session for listeners and we don’t really have like official roles, you know, like a whole long list. It’s like it’s going to be our decision.

Kevin Anthony 39:51
We’re going to look at you know what your story is what you want help with and find that if we can help you in a short amount of time in a way that really benefited Official to you and that the audience would get value from. Absolutely. We’ll do our best with it.

Céline Remy 40:05
Yeah, so she doesn’t email give us details about what you want support on. And hopefully, you’ll be like you want to come on the air with us.

Kevin Anthony 40:12
All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the love lab podcast. If you enjoyed this show, leave a comment and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 40:30
And if you want more, we have an entire digital library with the best sex tips and Relationship Advice at Celine Remy.com. That’s kevinanthonycoaching.com. So join us in the sex vault to continue this adventure. Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing