Making The First Move, Rediscovering Great Sex, Mind Over Penis & Finding The Right One

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin, Anthony, and Céline Remy. And we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 183. And it’s titled, making the first move of rediscovering great sex, mind over penis, and finding the right one.

Céline Remy 0:43
That’s quite a

Kevin Anthony 0:45
show that is quite a show. So if you’ve listened to us for a long time, you know that we’d like to take the questions that you the listeners have? And we’d like to answer them on the show.

Kevin Anthony 0:56
Because while we want to help people and answer their questions, we also realize that many people share the same questions and that we can help more people by sharing the answer with the entire audience, not just one person at a time. So we’ve actually got some really fantastic questions.

Kevin Anthony 1:16
And they are things I know, I know, I know many of you struggle with. So hang in there, you’re bound to learn something, and one or two of them are just going to be playing fun no matter what. So

Céline Remy 1:31
I love questions. You know, when I read a book, some of my favorite parts are always like the testimonials or the stories of people because I find that there’s always a piece in it that has a valuable lesson for me or a little nugget of wisdom that they can take home. And then it just makes it so much more human than you can relate that, really we’re all the same even though we look so different.

Céline Remy 1:55
And we think we’re so unique, and we have so many issues and stuff. But really, most of us struggle with similar issues. And so that’s why I love to be able to share that, of course for the sake of our listener’s privacy with only sharing their first name so that you know people can feel safe sharing their questions because they are rather intimate. So before we get on with question number one, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power mastery.

Céline Remy 2:25
If you want to join the secret club of men who are great in bed, then check out power and mastery at power and mastery.com. It is the most complete sexual mastery training for men. Whether you want to have harder erections last longer or increase your sexual skills. There is something for you at power and mastery.com.

Kevin Anthony 2:45
Okay, so let’s dive in with the first question which comes from Cara. And Cara says, My biggest challenge is making the first move and being comfortable in my own body. How do I get there? Okay, this is a very interesting question. Number one, because I’m assuming that Kara is a woman, just based on the name, I apologize if I’m wrong on that, but basically a woman’s name, we are

Céline Remy 3:10
going to assume it is a she.

Kevin Anthony 3:12
So the first thing I would say about that is that in generations past, the woman never made the first move. Today, it’s all about the woman making the first move, because men have been so scared by the ME TO movement that they don’t actually want to make the first move a lot of them. They’re like, What do I do? What do I do?

Kevin Anthony 3:32
What if she, I don’t want to be accused of blah, blah, blah. So it’s much more common now for women to make the first move. But here’s the thing, you don’t have to if you don’t like to be the one to make the first move, you don’t have to be the one to do that.

Kevin Anthony 3:48
What I would suggest is finding a man who actually does want to make the first move. In other words, somebody who’s not afraid, because honestly, anybody who’s stuck in that and afraid anyways, probably not the kind of man you really want to be dating. So I would say that is the first thing is don’t feel the pressure that you have to be the one to make the first move. I know it’s all the rage today. But you don’t have to do it. Now. If you want to be the one to make the first move, then that’s different.

Céline Remy 4:19
So how would you like to be asked out Kevin, as a guy? Do you have something that you would find not too intrusive or lovely if a woman asked you a certain way?

Kevin Anthony 4:35
That’s a good question. You know, for me, that all depends on how we know each other, and how we met. And I say that because, you know, let’s say I don’t know, it’s somebody I met at a rock climbing gym. You know, maybe it would be cool if she was like, hey, you know, next week because people tend to go to the gym at the same time all the time.

Kevin Anthony 4:59
You know whether it’s climbing I mean, gym or regular gym or whatever, it would be fine if she was like, Hey, how about, you know, maybe we go out and grab some coffee or tea or food or something after, you know, we work out and go, that’d be cool. Yeah, sure, I would love that, you know, like, something more subtle, like that would work for me rather than, like, totally in my face kind of thing.

Kevin Anthony 5:19
Because here’s the thing is, if a woman comes up to me, and she’s super strong in her like, taking charge, and going to do it right away, I’m gonna think she’s totally in her masculine, this is not going to go well, because I’m in my masculine, she’s in her masculine, we’re gonna have no polarity. And it’s just not going to work in me butting heads all the time. So right away, that would be a turn-off for me. But if she came in a more feminine way, then I will be much more likely to be like, Yeah, that sounds like a great idea.

Céline Remy 5:48
He said that’s a good segue into how I tend to tell my woman client to do it. Because I believe that ultimately, it is better to be chased by you men and have him do the pursuing for the long term polarity of the relationship, we may think that we want to be the one in two in charge that we want to do it all. And I was that person. And I was in that relationship where I took more of the decision.

Céline Remy 6:20
But after a few years of doing that, it was not serving me because you do expect to man at some point to grow some and decisions, right. And unfortunately, when you started the pattern from an event before the relationship started, it’s hard to change it, it’s not impossible, you both need to be aware of it, and you could change it.

Céline Remy 6:42
So what I always suggest is, is an in-between, meaning that you can open up the door for him to know that there’s an invitation without doing it all the way. So it could be something along the lines of like, hey, I really enjoy our time. If you ever want to spend more time, I’d love for you to call me. So you let him know you’re interested so that he can feel safe.

Céline Remy 7:07
And he’s not like, oh my gosh, I’m going to trespass on boundaries, you know, but at the same time, you’re still letting him do that real like the first move. So that keeps that polarity alive. But you did let him know that you were interested. Or, you know, I mean, it could be very direct to like, I really like you. And I’d be interested to see where this could go as a relationship, you know, or I just want casual sex? Is that what you want?

Céline Remy 7:35
You know, like, basically, it’s to open up the lines of communication and discussion, slightly open the door, we’ve given him the opportunity to say yes, or no without trapping him. And that feels very empowering as a woman too, because then you can be like, wow, I took charge without being overboard.

Kevin Anthony 7:52
Yeah, so you know, if you are, if you’re a woman who tends to be at least 51% in her feminine, then I completely agree. And I highly suggest what Selena is saying, which is to take the feminine approach. Now the feminine approach, you know, people mistake it as being weak, it is not weak at all. And in fact, it’s actually unbelievably powerful, in a sense that, you know, if you’re really doing it correctly, you get us, men, to do what you want.

Kevin Anthony 8:22
And, and like it and think it was our idea, even though it wasn’t even our idea, to begin with. Right? That’s really the true power of the feminine. And so when people say, Oh, the feminine is softer, it’s weak, or it’s this or that, no, it’s incredibly powerful. It’s just a different type of power.

Kevin Anthony 8:41
So I would suggest using that now, if Cara, you happen to be a more masculine woman, let’s just say maybe you’re looking for a same-sex relationship, and you tend to be more in the masculine role, then I would say, then, then just you got to own it. Like, you got to own it, like get into your masculine at that point, there’s no sort of in-between. If you’re in that role, you just got to be like, I’m the fucking dude. And this is what I want, and I’m gonna go get it.

Céline Remy 9:13
Now, there was a second part of the question about being comfortable in her own body. And this is a process and unfortunately, there’s no magic trick or pill that you can take that will change how you relate to your body, but it is in everything that you do. If you make a commitment to love yourself and your body more. Look at what you’re doing on a daily basis.

Céline Remy 9:35
Are you dedicating at least 510 minutes a day to loving yourself through a self-care practice through how you adore your body, the type of clothes or jewelry you put on? The kind of food do you put into your body? I mean, you can look at it from all the different aspects, the kind of self-care practices from just you know what, I don’t know creams that you put on or how you do your hair to meditation or yoga.

Céline Remy 10:00
Get to relax or bubble baths, you know, like all of these different things matter. So if it is your goal to become more comfortable in your body, you have to take a step every day that says, I love my body in myself. And progressively you are going to become more and more comfortable. Now, the first step might feel uncomfortable. And that’s where people stop because they’re like, well, it’s so difficult that I’d rather revert to what feels okay.

Céline Remy 10:27
If it’s not uncomfortable, you’re not pushing hard enough, and you’re keeping, you’re still doing the exact same thing and not stepping outside of the box. And outside of that. Limitations or whatever you’ve created. So you’ve got to push yourself a little bit. So I say, start with looking at what you’re doing. Are there habits that you can stop because they’re not serving you?

Céline Remy 10:49
Do you criticize yourself every time you look in the mirror and be like focusing on all the parts you don’t like about your body? Whether it’s the hair, the cellulite, the floppy skin, whatever that is. And now maybe start complimenting yourself, start looking at free things you love about yourself in the mirror every day. And then make it a practice to do something that sells your body and yourself that you love it.

Kevin Anthony 11:10
Yeah, that’s a fantastic answer. And you know, there’s a documentary made years ago, called May I be frank, and it follows the story of this guy, Frank, who’s overweight and unhealthy and how his journey on how he got back to being healthy again, but in the very beginning of it. And what starts his journey off, is he’s in a restaurant and the restaurant, they asked him a question, and I don’t remember what the exact question was.

Kevin Anthony 11:35
But basically, his answer was something along the lines of, you know, how can anybody love me if I don’t love myself? Pretty powerful, right. And that’s what started his journey as he realized he needed to love himself first. And so that’s very similar to what you were kind of saying is that it really comes from the inside, if you love yourself, first, you’ll feel more comfortable in your body.

Kevin Anthony 11:57
Now, here’s the second thing. And this for my opinion, anyway, is that if you’re looking in the mirror, and you don’t like something about yourself, then you have to take action steps to change it. And that’s the thing is, it’s one thing to look at yourself in the mirror and go, I don’t like who I am. But then not do anything about it and constantly be down about the fact that you don’t like who you are. It’s another thing to go, you know what I don’t like this particular thing about myself, maybe it’s the way my body looks.

Kevin Anthony 12:26
Maybe it’s a behavior I keep doing. But as long as I know that I’m doing my best. And I’m doing something to try to change that even if it hasn’t changed yet, at least you know that you’re doing something about it. You know, we can’t help how we’re born. Like if you’re not comfortable in your body, because you don’t like the way you look. You know, maybe you want to look like that supermodel, you know, in all the magazines and stuff, which of course isn’t real anyway, it’s all airbrushed and fake.

Kevin Anthony 12:52
But let’s just assume for the sake of this, it is. You want to look like that. But maybe you were born to a family that is just more heavyset, like everybody in your family is more short and round. Okay, so you can’t help that that’s how you were born. But you can make the best of it.

Kevin Anthony 13:10
You can be the best-looking, shorter, rounder person out there. Right. And maybe it’s not even about looks. Maybe it’s about you know, you develop the most amazing personality that just people just want to they gravitate towards you. They want to be around you. Right. So

Céline Remy 13:27
again, it’s an inner job. So it starts, it starts from within, and then it radiates out. And that’s really the key. Absolutely. Let’s move on to question number two, it is a long question that has multiple parts. And I’m going to read just a little bit of the background. So we know more about Eric. And then he’s got a four-part around that. That will take each one probably separately.

Céline Remy 13:51
So Eric says that he is 62 and he’s in a committed monogamous relationship of 43 years, our sex life has been rejuvenated in the past year and has reached new heights in the past six months that I previously fought. Unbelievable. This is awesome. The challenge is due. For me learning more about the female anatomy. My wife, it turns out has an amazing G spot that squirts and quits with delight.

Céline Remy 14:14
Her arousal is slow and builds commitment cumulatively and expensively. Our playtime normally exceeds two hours, occasionally three or four. I’ve discovered that my pleasure is very connected to hers. Witnessing her pleasure is such a turn-on.

Kevin Anthony 14:30
Okay, before we go into the struggles first. Yes, yes, we have to give you a big hand, Eric. And I just wanted to make a quick comment here is that notice Eric’s age group. It’s older, right? Most people think that sex is on the decline. By the time you’re in that age group. You know you’ll hear a lot of people haven’t been married for 43 years they haven’t had sex and forever.

Kevin Anthony 14:55
When we do it’s that’s what you often hear from people and too many people assume that when you get older, that’s just the way it is. That’s just the way it is right? Like the song goes, but it’s not true. And here’s a beautiful example of that. The second thing is, is that their sex life wasn’t always like that. Right?

Kevin Anthony 15:16
So it’s one thing to be like, what we’ve always had this 43 years later, we still got it, you know, but what about all the people who are like, I’ve never had that, right. So the beautiful thing here is that they didn’t discover it until they were in their 60s.

Céline Remy 15:29
Yes. And in their 60s, they have the best sex of their life,

Kevin Anthony 15:34
right? Hmm, absolutely. And one other thing that I want to point out is, I know many men, when you’ve coached them have told you this, and my clients tell me the same thing. There’s always a session in our packages where we go over the female anatomy with all of our male clients and even female clients too. And we often get the feedback that that was amazing that they learned so much that they didn’t know.

Kevin Anthony 16:01
And notice, he says right here, that the change is due to learning more about female anatomy. So it’s such a powerful thing, it doesn’t matter how old you are, doesn’t matter how long you’ve been there, and you can have great sex, right? And you’re never too old to learn new things. So I just want to give a big shout-out to Eric for that. And I want everybody to see what an amazing example that is. Now, let’s talk about their struggles. So number

Céline Remy 16:28
one, she struggles to climax that frustration can be a joy killer.

Kevin Anthony 16:32
So this is all I know exactly how you’re gonna answer.

Céline Remy 16:37
Number one, you cannot pressure women into an orgasm, right? So the more pressure you put on her, the less likely it’s going to work for her. Number two, it’s not about the destination. It’s about the journey. Like it’s so much more important. Like it doesn’t really matter whether or not we get there like just like, enjoy it. And, and let go. And don’t focus so much on having to go there.

Kevin Anthony 17:09
It’s not the destination, but the journey. You are also

Céline Remy 17:13
singing today. Playing so much guitar this weekend he wanted like just bring it on to the show. And

Kevin Anthony 17:20
maybe that’s what it is. I don’t know. Yeah, well,

Céline Remy 17:24
the joy killers because you’re too focused on the goal. And if you can just let go, because really, orgasms happen from letting go. And orgasms also, like I always say, and that’s probably the party say, Oh, I know how you’re going to say orgasms are not like flowers and chocolate, things that you give to her an orgasm and is a state of being that you open yourself up to as a woman.

Céline Remy 17:49
Now, it does help if your partner knows how to touch your body in certain ways, yes. But ultimately, it is your own ability to step into a different frame of mind that allows you to surrender and let go. And it doesn’t happen if you’re too focused on getting there, or getting there in 30 minutes, or doing it a certain way. And you got to be willing to just let it happen. However, it wants to show up today.

Kevin Anthony 18:13
Yeah, that that’s even more than, you know, what I basically knew you were going to say was you have to relax into it and let go and that the more you try to force it to happen, the less likely it is to happen that I knew you were going to answer that part but you went above and beyond

Céline Remy 18:30
always overdeliver. You shared I’m gonna read the second part and maybe Kevin, you can answer that one. He says I often can’t keep up with her. We use massage oral and various dildos and vibrators to extend play in our concocting four and five-act play scenarios with only one or two depending on my erection. That’s great, but at the height of her arousal, she heavily craves intercourse.

Kevin Anthony 18:59
Okay, this is not just a problem for older men. Honestly, if you have a really open and sexual woman who really gets into her sexuality, no man can keep up. I don’t care how good you are. At a certain point, you know, if she really wants to, she can just go all day,

Céline Remy 19:23
we become these bottomless pits and it’s like an insatiable hungry being that can never be fully satisfied.

Kevin Anthony 19:31
And you don’t have to worry about maintaining erections. You don’t lose energy. When you have an orgasm, you gain energy. It’s just like so first thing is, you should know that this is not necessarily a problem with you, or the two of you as a couple like this is if she’s really finally accessing this and this is something we see a lot too, right. Well, a woman who really, and I’m not saying she never had an orgasm or she never had great sex with you. That’s not what I’m saying.

Kevin Anthony 19:59
But if she’s opened up to a whole new level, I have personally witnessed it multiple times in life. When a woman finally gets opened up to a new level of sexuality, she becomes like this insatiable lion. And she’s like, more, more, give me more, right? That’s a difficult thing to keep up with. However, there, there are a few things that we can do. So, you know, when you say depending on your erection, and you say, can’t keep up with her, I don’t 100% know what you mean by that.

Kevin Anthony 20:36
I don’t have enough information here to know exactly what you mean. In other words, you’re in your 60s. So when you say you can’t keep up, does that mean you’re physically tired? Or does that mean that you can’t maintain an erection? Or does that mean that you ejaculate sooner than you want to I mean, it could be any of those, it could be all of those, it could be different combinations of those? So let’s just very quickly address each one.

Kevin Anthony 20:59
The first one is, if it’s a physical thing like you just physically can’t keep up, then I would suggest adding some workout routines, I have actually had an idea brewing in my head for some time to help men with this. So you know, stay tuned for that, that might happen sometime this coming year. Just seating that out there. But, all joking aside, sex is a physical activity, and you actually do need to be in shape for it.

Kevin Anthony 21:30
So if you really want to be able to go the distance, your body has to physically be able to do that, if you’re going to be on top and you’re gonna hold yourself up like this for 40 minutes, you got to be able to hold yourself up like that for 40 minutes, right? Like that’s, that’s just, that’s just that I’m gonna, I’m gonna skip over to the next one, which is a jack elating sooner than you want to.

Kevin Anthony 21:52
So if you’re doing these huge, long, multi-hour lovemaking sessions that it says that you’re doing, and you can’t, not ejaculate. During that time, I would truly suggest that you focus on learning how to separate your orgasm and your ejaculation. So that you can continue to ride the waves of pleasure over and over and over again, have multiple orgasms yourself, but without ejaculating so that you don’t lose your erection and have to wait through that refractory period.

Kevin Anthony 22:24
So that’s a skill that you can absolutely learn, that can make a big difference in the very long lovemaking sessions. And the last one is maintaining your erection. This one is a little bit trickier only because there could be a bunch of different reasons why you’re not there, we can come back to the health physical part, right? So you know, if that’s the case, then again, going back to the advice of the workout, like, you make sure that you get in shape, you get healthy.

Kevin Anthony 22:55
But erection issues are also often psychological. So then you got to figure out what’s going on? Are you putting too much pressure on yourself to maintain interaction, keep in mind erections come and go. If you’re having sex for over an hour, then most likely your erection has gotten really hard, unless hard and really hard. And a couple of times. Now, if you’re in the How long did they say?

Céline Remy 23:27
Or did he not over two hours, three to four hours? Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 23:30
So if you’re, if you’re in that camp, where you’re in the two-plus hours, three, four hours, of course, your erection is going to vary. I mean, I think our What was our record, like six hours, and then I was like, oh, I gotta go to work. I would have loved to have seen how long we could have kept that going, though, but the point is, is during that I didn’t have a super rock hard erection the entire six hours it comes in it goes.

Kevin Anthony 23:57
And so don’t be worried about that is the point. As long as it goes, it comes back again. If it goes and doesn’t come back again, then you know, you might want to look at it a little bit.

Céline Remy 24:09
So there are a couple more parts to this, where he says that we both are prone to get stuck in our heads. I’m going to answer this one shortly because we’ve actually made one or two shows on how to get out of your head and have better sex and so we’ve covered it extensively on other shows. So look back into the history. But ultimately, there’s no other way than practicing every day to drop from your head into your body.

Céline Remy 24:40
And it doesn’t just magically happen when you close the door. It’s everyday habits and things that you do so I always suggest people learn to quiet their mind using meditation or deep belly breathing even 510 minutes a day to learn that because the mind is called the monkey mind never stops running.

Céline Remy 24:59
You just need to know how to put it on the backlog, or how to, you know, another analogy that I like to use with our minds is that you fought like a train that keeps passing and passing, you can simply just look at the train passing and be okay, you don’t have to jump on every wagon because there’s something false that is appealing. And so if you can just be like an observer of the thoughts without having to do something about it, it will be better.

Céline Remy 25:26
And, again, go to our other shows where we extensively go into that. And then the last part of the issue here that I thought would be interesting to us to talk about too, is that he’s saying that he’s more sexual and performs better early in the day, while she responds better in the evening. And this is such a common problem that we have different schedules differently be those different things that we prefer. And there are a couple of things I think, as you know, Eric because you’ve been married for 43 years.

Céline Remy 25:57
We make concessions, compromise, you know because that’s how it is like if you know, your partner likes it a certain way. And you’re okay with that. I say that when it comes to sex, usually it is wise to follow the woman. Meaning that if you want her to be really satisfied, if you want her to want more sex, you got to give her exactly what she likes. Now, I do understand that the body will perform better during the day.

Céline Remy 26:29
So maybe you could have a creative solution where you could really mention that to her have a discussion be like, hey, my erections are stronger, I can fuck you better in the morning, can we do some, you know, a couple of times a month for a week, like I don’t know how often you have sex, like whatever works for you, can we commit to doing a few mornings, a month, you know, and then also, that may be in the evening.

Céline Remy 26:56
It doesn’t always have to be with your penis, you know that he likes you’re happy to please her. But know that in the evening, it might be a little different. Or it might be more few fingers Tong or toys or things like that.

Kevin Anthony 27:08
I would add to that, that you might want to ask them questions about why you perform better in the day or the mornings and why she performs better in the evening. So let me give you a couple of examples of what I mean by that. For instance, a lot of people can’t really get into the mood for sex until they know that their to-do list for the day is done.

Kevin Anthony 27:30
So people who tend to like I can’t, I just can’t during the day, as I have really only worked for me in the evening. It’s usually because they can’t settle their minds, until the evening, once all the to-do things are done. And then they go, Okay, now I can relax. And this is huge for women. If women can’t relax, they’re not going to be in the mood. That’s just the way it is, right? So I would ask, you know, questions like that to try to figure out why.

Kevin Anthony 27:53
Because there may be little changes that you can make in your lifestyle and your routine that suddenly make it such that it works for you in the evening, or it works for her in the day. So you’re not just compromising, which is a perfectly valid thing to do. But you’re not just like, Well, I’m just gonna suck it up.

Kevin Anthony 28:10
And always do it in the evening, when I’m not at my best or she’s gonna suck it up and always doing it during the day when she can’t relax into it, you might be able to alleviate some of those things that are in the way. And then you’ll both be happy to do it in the day or in the evening. And maybe sometimes you do it in the day.

Kevin Anthony 28:26
And sometimes you do it in the evening like that, that might be a good compromise where like, hey, you know what, tonight, we’re going to do it in the evening, because that’s where you really shine and you love it. I’m going to do my best. And then the next time we’ll do it in the day so that there are definitely ways to work around that.

Céline Remy 28:42
Absolutely. I like that too. Alright, so we’ve got two more questions and it’s just, you know, we’re still moving on. So hang in there with us. But before we move on, we want to invite you so if you are a couple who is in a committed relationship but is struggling with, you know, life sex or going through the motion is just kind of feels like Same old, same old, and you’re ready to have more spontaneity and fun because you don’t want to just have a life of average.

Céline Remy 29:09
You want to be like Eric and his wife at 62 Finding the best sex of their life. Well, given an AI can help you get there and we’d like to invite you to join our high sex power couple platinum program. If you give us 90 days, we will help you bring the passion back between the sheets and be synched up sexually so that you can thrive with more purpose and passion in life. So go to kevinanthonycoaching.com/passion to learn more about this life-changing program and the link is in the description below.

Kevin Anthony 29:39
And as we’re answering these questions, you can get an idea of some of the types of things that we help people with, and when we say you should learn to do this or you should learn to do that if you want to figure out how to learn how to do that. You come to reach out to us and we will help you.

Céline Remy 29:52
So the next question comes from Nick and he says my wife and I have a wonderful relationship always open with each other I myself put too much pressure on myself to perform to where I can’t mind overrides everything. I always beat myself up when it happens.

Céline Remy 30:09
Also, I love having sex with my wife so much that I find myself having a difficult time getting up as well, after days of having sex every day, sometimes twice a day, I just want to be the best for her just looking for it ideas and progression. We always try new stuff and keep things spicy.

Kevin Anthony 30:26
Well, let me just say, Mr. Nick, that you have a problem that most people wish they had.

Céline Remy 30:34
Abundance, you have a

Kevin Anthony 30:35
problem of abundance? Yes. All right. So that’s, that’s not a bad place to start. So you know, okay, the, there’s, there’s really two parts here that I see that really stand out, the one is putting too much pressure on yourself and beating yourself up. And then the other is not being able to perform because you have so much sex that you’re kind of tired. So we need to take each one of those sort of one at a time. So putting too much pressure on yourself.

Kevin Anthony 31:00
Now, I don’t know enough about your sex life, I don’t know where your wife stands, I don’t know how satisfied she is. But it’s entirely likely if she’s having sex with you that much. She’s liking it. Because generally, if women aren’t liking it, they just don’t really want to do it anymore, right? This is what we tell people all the time. If she, if your partner is not interested in sex, it’s probably because she’s not getting the kind of sex she likes or loves.

Kevin Anthony 31:24
So if she’s willing to have sex with you that often she’s probably doing pretty good, in which case, the pressure that you’re putting on yourself is probably unwarranted. So the first piece of advice that I have is to really look at, you know, how, how is lovemaking going. In other words, if you’re having sex frequently, if you’re having sex for relatively long periods of time, if you’re doing fun things, if she’s feeling satisfied, then you don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself in order to perform.

Kevin Anthony 31:57
You’re already doing okay, just keep doing what you’re doing. And then the second part is, you’re having sex a lot, and you find it difficult to get up. I’m assuming you mean to get an erection by that. The question I would ask you is, if you’re having sex that frequently, like twice a day are you ejaculate every single time? Because if you are, and you’re having, you know, ejaculating twice a day, every day, you’re past your 40s. And that’s, that’s right, and you’re past your 40s. Because we don’t know where you are. But let’s just put a little like, in the background, or even 30, even 30s. Exactly,

Céline Remy 32:33
I would say like after 25 Probably yeah,

Kevin Anthony 32:36
yeah, exactly. Then my suggestion would be, you might want to look at it again, learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation so that you’re not depleting yourself and you’re not tired. That’s the one thing about being a guy is, you know, we do have to rely on our physical body to work properly in order for this, you know, sex to happen. And so we have to realize that about our penises.

Kevin Anthony 33:03
Well, they need a certain amount of care, right? Like, and I don’t just mean like grooming or whatnot. But it’s a physical thing. It’s like a muscle like you couldn’t do a million bicep curls, right? Because your bicep would fail, and it just wouldn’t work. And you’re like, I don’t understand why you know. So you got to look at how you’re using it. And you might have to come up with some strategies, especially as you get older.

Céline Remy 33:27
Yes, and we can help you do that you can work with Kevin, you can work with me. Or you can go to power and mastery.com to learn how to separate your orgasm from your ejaculation.

Kevin Anthony 33:35
Yeah, and I would just also add to this, that the two separate things that we just talked about here could indeed be related. Right? So the pressure to perform that you put on yourself can potentially be getting in the way of you being able to achieve interaction. So that’s why we kind of titled this part mind over the penis, right? Because getting your mind in the game is very important.

Céline Remy 34:00
But you know, I also want to ask the women on the show here, I want to say that it’s not just all about your penis. While we do love talk, we do love intercourse like we can do anything I do. You can be very satisfied with other things. So that can take some of the pressure away again to perform that you can satisfy her in different ways using your digits using your tongue caressing her.

Céline Remy 34:24
You can do different things like not always the intercourse part and intercourse doesn’t have to be this like slamming hard thing all the time. You can have a much more gentle, slower intercourse that doesn’t require having a super, super rigid penis the whole time whereas if you’re softer, it still feels good.

Céline Remy 34:45
So you can also change how you do sex in ways that can work for you both and that would be another suggestion and idea to help you enjoy it more put less pressure and not be so focused on whether or not Not just super hard to achieve what you’ve told yourself you had to achieve.

Kevin Anthony 35:06
Alright, we have one last question here. And it comes from Steve. Steve says, How do I find at age 67, a healthy independent woman to have an exciting relationship, it is not an easy task to find one who is not overly possessive and likes her own freedom. Yeah, this is a very common issue that people have. If she is single at age 67, then she probably is pretty independent.

Kevin Anthony 35:40
Now, there could be many reasons for why she’s single, you know, it could have been the death of you know, a previous partner or something like that. But, but that’s, that’s not a bad thing. Being overly possessive is not a good thing. But liking their own freedom, and being self-sufficient isn’t a bad thing. Here’s what I would suggest.

Kevin Anthony 36:03
By the time you’re 67 years old, you basically get to the point where you’re like, enough of bullshit with life, right. And that’s, that’s great. So the advice is, to take that sort of attitude into looking for the right person. In other words, be really upfront about what it is you want, and what it is you like, like, none of that’s trying to, like, talk around what you really want to be nice and like, don’t want to offend anybody, right?

Kevin Anthony 36:31
The politically correct dating profile, if you’re online, just be like, here’s what I want, here’s what I’m looking for, and be totally upfront in your masculine about it, and anybody that doesn’t like that, will self select out of your world. And, and the people who are like, oh, yeah, that works for me, too, will self select into your world.

Céline Remy 36:54
This is something that we’ve heard multiple times, from both ways from the women and the men who are in their older phase in their life. And often the challenge is that they don’t find people in their age group with the same stamina or excitement and zest for life. And some, often they fall into the category of like, well, and they just want to be home buddies.

Céline Remy 37:20
And, and, and watch shows all day long. You know, and, and nothing else. So the other thing is, whatever it is you like to do, go do these things and look for people they’re like because if you are an active person, and you work out, or you’d like to be outdoor, go for clubs, go places where these people are there,

Kevin Anthony 37:43
right. So if you’re looking for a healthy, independent woman to have an exciting relationship with,  go to the types of places and do the types of things where healthy, independent women would, would be like, you know, go travel, go travel on your own, a lot of times you’re like, travel by myself, go travel by yourself because there’s probably likely a healthy, independent woman who’s also traveling by herself. Right. And the

Céline Remy 38:07
another part of that is something that we’ve talked about on the show, probably several times, but I want to bring this concept again, is, so it seems like you have a general or pretty good idea about the type of woman you want to attract. But you have to look at the other part of the equation, which is what kind of man this type of woman wants to be with?

Céline Remy 38:29
And once you look at that, then you have to look in the mirror and see, am I that man? Or is there are a huge gap. Because if you are that man, then keep doing what you’re doing that she will come here and you might just have to be patient. That’s true. But it can happen. If there is a huge gap, then you are not going to attract the person that you want. Because it’s all about a matter of vibration and energy.

Céline Remy 38:55
So you’ve got to do the inner work first, if you don’t seem to be able to attract this woman, it’s probably because you are not the man that this type of woman would want to be with.

Kevin Anthony 39:04
Yes, thank you so much for reminding me of that point. It is something that we talk about a lot when coaching men is you know, what kind of man would guys always come I want a woman who’s like this, this and this right? The guys always have a pretty good idea. I want you to need to I wanted to look like this.

Kevin Anthony 39:21
I wanted to like these things. Right? So yeah, one of the questions we always asked is, what kind of man would that woman want? And how can you be that kind of man? fantastic advice.

Céline Remy 39:37
Wow, we did it. We went through all the questions and we hope that you got lots of little pieces and nuggets and that it was inspiring. We always love your questions and comments. So feel free to email us at support at the Love Lab podcast.com. The email is in the description. We love to hear from you. And once we have enough questions we’ll make another show again because It’s always so fun to do that.

Kevin Anthony 40:02
Yeah. And you know, sometimes we get really busy we have a lot of guests and things and so we can’t get to the listener questions as quickly or frequently so we may have a store of them for a while, but please feel free to send us questions we will do our best to get them on the air and help you out.

Kevin Anthony 40:20
Alright, everybody, that’s all the time we have for this episode, and we will see you next week. We hope you liked this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 40:37
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 40:51
Thanks for listening. And remember,

Céline Remy 40:53
you’re amazing