Introducing Role-Play In The Bedroom

Kevin Anthony 0:11
Welcome to the Love Lab podcast a safe place to get real about sex. Whether you’re a man, woman, single, or couple, this is the show for you.

Céline Remy 0:20
We are your hosts, Kevin Anthony, and Celine Remy and we are here to guide you to go from good to amazing in the bedroom and beyond.

Kevin Anthony 0:27
Alright, welcome back to the Love Lab podcast. This is episode 181. And it is titled, introducing roleplay to the bedroom. So today, I’m the bad boy. Celine cannot resist.

Céline Remy 0:49
So if you’re not on the video, Kevin’s wearing his glasses and leather jacket and going all in for this role-playing. I’m going to take and make this episode short because I’ve got stuff to do. I’ve got a husband to do, obviously. So that’s right. See how it’s working?

Kevin Anthony 1:08
Sorry. I got first I gotta take this off. I can’t see your thing.

Céline Remy 1:16
Well, let’s just say that when it comes to role-playing as Kevin undresses, which is another fantasy of mine, let’s keep going keep rolling, keep moving, and little imagination, some humor. And that’s really all you need in the bedroom to have fun to play and to keep the passion alive.

Kevin Anthony 1:35
Yeah. Thank you for doing the intro today. Well, I had to get out of my silly costume. Well, yeah, actually, it’s not really silly. Those are things I actually own. Not props really.

Céline Remy 1:49
Well, before we dive into today’s content, we have a lot actually that we’re going to cover we’re going to talk about the difference between role-playing and fantasies. What do you do if your partner is not into it? What what do you do if your partner freaks out so many different things, some of our tips to roleplay in the bedroom.

Céline Remy 2:07
So it’s going to be a comprehensive look at role-playing and hopefully, it will inspire you because it can be fun when it’s done properly. But first, let’s give a big shout-out to our sponsor’s power and mastery.

Céline Remy 2:18
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Kevin Anthony 2:40
Alright, so this is a fun topic. And it’s an interesting topic. We’ve actually had people requesting not this specific topic, but similar things. And so we’ve never done it before we thought, hey, now’s a great time to do it. It can, however, be triggering for some people.

Kevin Anthony 3:03
And it can be controversial for some people too. So I think we’re gonna do well, I think we’re doing we’re gonna do a pretty good job of really going through it and making it accessible to everybody. It’s not going to be triggering, it’s going to be controversial. Not that we have a problem with that.

Kevin Anthony 3:19
But what we want to do is we want to make it such that everybody would listen to this episode and go. It’s worth trying. Right? That’s kind of the idea. And if it’s not for you, it’s not for you that that’s fine. No, no big deal. But

Céline Remy 3:33
so we wanted to start with a definition of role-playing versus fantasies, like, what’s the difference? Are they the same because sometimes they are inter used interchangeably. And really, it’s a bit of a fine line when it comes to both they can be somewhat similar. But they can be also different, really, in roleplay, you are very present in the moment.

Céline Remy 3:57
And what you are doing while fantasy-free tend to be more in your head, which often takes you away from the present moment. I tend to see fantasy as kind of this place where people go to on that fantasy island and they kind of over there on their own.

Céline Remy 4:13
And oftentimes women feel it when they make love with somebody who is stuck in his fantasy and they go like he’s not really here with me. Well, when you’re doing the role-playing, most people are engaged within the act and you are really present you are using each other’s energy.

Kevin Anthony 4:33
Yeah, and that that really is the difference is that in the roleplay you’re really present and everything is happening physically right there. What we tend to see with couples is when somebody really loves the fantasy part of it, most of the fantasy is actually going on in their head.

Kevin Anthony 4:52
So what do I mean by that? Well, what I mean is, you know, maybe he’s pretending to be somebody because all we’re gonna do a roleplay thing or we’re going to do some sort of fantasy thing. But most of the scene and most of what’s happening is really just what he’s imagining in his head. So you know, he’s maybe going down on her.

Kevin Anthony 5:11
And, you know, he’s imagining, or now here’s a better one, she’s going down on him. And he’s imagining that there is a woman sitting on him that he is going down on. But that’s all just happening in his head. And he’s not verbalizing that it’s not part of the shared experience. And that that’s where we draw the line between the roleplay and the fantasy.

Kevin Anthony 5:32
We’re not saying that one is necessarily wrong, although we do see that in the fantasy. You know, the way that we’ve described fantasy that can cause problems between the two people, because as you just said, saline, the woman can instantly feel when you’re not really present. And you’re off in Fantasyland.

Kevin Anthony 5:52
Now, it does go both ways, because sometimes women get lost in fantasy land, too. So we’re not just saying this is a men’s only problem, neither of you should be lost in your head and fantasy land, you should both be very present, and interacting with the other person.

Kevin Anthony 6:10
So that now the thing is, you could say, alright, so you know, all this is great, your, your co-workers now whatever, you know, like you can bring it in, you can still kind of have that. But it’s got to be part of what the two of you are doing.

Céline Remy 6:25
And welcome back to how to do it really well, because there’s a way to roleplay in a way that enhances your relationship. And there’s also a way of doing it where it could create some triggers. So we don’t want you to do it the wrong way. Now, why would you want to roleplay it’s pretty simple, really, right? It will spice things up, you know, you start to use your imagination, you shift things and you experience something new.

Céline Remy 6:51
And when you do something new and different, then suddenly you have that new energy, you know, in a relationship, they call it NRA in new relationship energy, that means that’s this special quality of this new relationship when you’ve been together for over two years, you usually don’t have that NRA anymore. But doing things differently like this can bring up back some of those Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 7:15
and I want to make a distinction, you gave two things there at the same time. One is to spice things up. And the second one is to do something new and different. And the reason why I made them two different things, rather than just one thing, even though they sound kind of like the same is because spicing something up may mean that you’re taking it to another level that you wouldn’t normally go to, like, oh, we wouldn’t normally go there, you know.

Kevin Anthony 7:41
So you’re gonna do something that’s sort of pushing your comfort zone, right. Whereas doing something new and different, might just be something that’s, that’s, you know, on the same level that you’re used to, but it’s just something different. Right. And that’s why I wanted to clarify, because you may be thinking, we always do new and different things.

Kevin Anthony 8:00
So but you might want to do it, you might want to take it to the next level and really spice it up. You know, or you might say, hey, I don’t wanna, I don’t need to spice things up. Like we’re spicy enough. But you may say, but I still want to do something new and different. So that’s why I kind of broke them up into the two different ones. But there’s also another reason why you might want to roleplay

Céline Remy 8:25
Yeah, because it can help you to play out something that you don’t actually want to do in real life. But that somehow turns you on. And that’s people have a conflict with that about, well, I like this thing. Let’s talk about a schoolgirl and somebody older, like, you know, schoolgirl, it’s, it’s kind of the classic fantasy, but if you’re a schoolgirl, usually you know the age of sex and of having sex, right.

Kevin Anthony 8:52
So that would be wrong. And that’s not something he wants to do in real life.

Céline Remy 8:56
But you could lay it out in your roleplay and get that excited about it. Yeah,

Kevin Anthony 9:03
no, I know that there probably are people that fantasize about it being an actual school girl. But I have to say that honestly. That’s wrong. Sorry, sorry. You know, we try not to make anybody wrong for their, their sexual desires. But if you’re desiring sex with somebody who is that young, it’s just flat-out wrong. We just have to call it what it is. However, you can still have that fantasy.

Kevin Anthony 9:27
Because it’s not the age like when I see a hot-looking woman dressed up as a schoolgirl. I’m not thinking about her being an actual school girl. What is the turn-on? The turn-on is the short skirt. The thigh highs, right? Like it’s not because oh, she’s Yeah, they’re kind of cute. But the turnout really is the fact that she’s wearing a sexy outfit. And that’s perfectly fine.

Kevin Anthony 9:55
So you can do this schoolgirl fantasy thing you know, it’s in every like not teashop there’s that as long as you’re not imagining it at being actually a young girl because that’s just not right. But there are other fantasies you might want to play out that you wouldn’t really want in real life. So for instance, I started this show with, sunglasses and a motorcycle jacket. Right? So what I was trying to get across in that was like, the classic Bad Boy fantasy, right?

Céline Remy 10:23
He’s gonna take her to impose himself on her.

Kevin Anthony 10:27
Right? And but here’s the reality is that, you know, there are aspects and we’ve talked about this many times in the show, there are aspects of the bad boy that are appealing to women, there is no doubt. But at the end of the day, she doesn’t really want an asshole she doesn’t want an asshole who’s gonna treat her like shit, cheat on her leave her whatever it is, you know, that the bad boy always ends up doing in like every movie you’ve ever seen, right?

Kevin Anthony 10:49
But you can live out that bad boy fantasy, through something like roleplay. And there’s, there’s lots and lots of scenarios that you could come up with, that are like that, they’re things that, you know, could be fun to do in roleplay, that you really just don’t want in real life, like you just don’t really want to. It’s harder to roleplay say something like a threesome, but it is possible to do.

Kevin Anthony 11:15
And this is another area where a lot of times, you know the guys like why roleplay? Let’s fucking do it, right? But a lot of times the woman’s like, no, no, no, no, but she might be willing to roleplay it however because that’s a place where she feels safe to do so. So, you know, I don’t need to give you any more examples you can think of playing more yourself. The idea is, is that it really is an opportunity for you to be able to do things in your sex life that you wouldn’t actually want to happen in real life.

Céline Remy 11:49
And we’ll give you a few more ideas at the end to think if we have time, we’ll throw in some ideas. We got a whole list. But let’s talk about how do you enroll your partner? I think the biggest challenge is that people feel embarrassed or shy about expressing themselves. What if my partner laughs make fun of me? What if they flat out say no? What if they judge me think that I’m a weirdo?

Céline Remy 12:11
What if they abandon me after I share my heart’s desires, you know, I mean, these are valid fears. And now, we are going to assume that you have a relationship where you have good communication to start with. And that you have established a foundation in which you can be who you are without judgment or as little as possible because sometimes we still do judge other people, even our loved ones. So that you can feel free to express yourself.

Céline Remy 12:38
But the very, very first thing that you need to have in place, if that’s not yet the case, is you have to declare your bedroom, a judgment-free zone. And this is essential because when it comes to sexuality, you only grow from experimenting with new things, to try out different things with exploring beyond your comfort zone.

Céline Remy 13:00
And if you feel that you have, you don’t have that safe container for you to explore who you are, you’re never going to be able to grow and morph into a better person and into having better sex that only comes from different experiences. So having that foundation as having a bedroom. a judgment-free zone is key, you can bring the judgments back into the kitchen for any other things. But when it comes to that it’s a judgment-free zone.

Kevin Anthony 13:33
You shouldn’t have too many judgments in your relationship to begin. But yes, for a sure judgment-free zone. The next thing is to make sure that this section is how do you enroll your partner, which is assuming that your partner may or may not be all that thrilled about this new idea, right? So one of the things you want to do is make sure that they know that you want this to be in addition to your sex life in your relationship and not something that’s lacking with them, right? Like, oh, well, you don’t do this or you don’t that or whatever it is,

Céline Remy 14:04
that you’re not gonna give them what they currently have is taking away from what they have. So for sure. Number three, you know, you realize that people often feel silly and ridiculous when they start role-playing, right, that people will start to giggle or they break out of character or they’ll be like, Oh, I shouldn’t do it this way. Or like, this kind of doesn’t work, you know.

Céline Remy 14:26
So you got to push past that self-judgment. And it’s crucial to get into the fun stuff, to understand that it is normal that you might, you know, break out of character or giggle or something, but try to move beyond that. And really try throwing yourself into the role as though you were on stage.

Céline Remy 14:44
Maybe you can even have a script that you have written and this is why for a lot of people it helps to have their hair done differently, makeup, clothing, wardrobe, whatever to alter who they are so that they can step into character. Now in order to roleplay, you don’t need to have the costume I’m really not into costumes like I couldn’t be bothered.

Céline Remy 15:03
But if we do any roleplay, we just pretend like we’re able to get into that without having to have the character the costumes. However, if you find that it’s too difficult, then use those props. Yeah, apparently,

Kevin Anthony 15:18
I’m so much in the bad boy role today that my headphones keep making my hair stick up on the top. If you’re watching the video, I’ve readjusted my headphones like three times because I keep getting these hair parts like a mohawk. But aside from that, you know, number one was a judgment-free zone, meaning don’t judge your partner for the fact that they want to do this.

Kevin Anthony 15:39
And then number three really is don’t judge yourself. Right? Like, allow yourself to just be free and not worry about, oh, I look ridiculous, or whatever. It’s all in good fun. Number four is to reassure your partner that if it’s not working, you will stop the roleplay. And that’s kind of important because it comes back to making that safe space.

Kevin Anthony 16:01
Again, you know, you’re trying to enroll your partner, they may or may not be all that thrilled about this idea. And so, alright, we’re gonna try it. But what if I’m not liking it, right? You say, Okay, great, then we’ll stop. It’s literally that simple.

Céline Remy 16:15
And we’ll come back into the nitty-gritty of the How to in a little bit because I think it’s essential. But here are some ideas too, you want to negotiate a roleplay, or scenario that works for both of you. And again, we’ll dive in more into that about, hey, what do I do if I don’t like my partner or what my partner wants? Right? But it’s, it’s an essential part.

Kevin Anthony 16:37
Yeah. And, yeah, we’ll talk about this more later. But definitely make sure like, cuz there’s a big range of potential roleplay and fantasies, right. Everything from like a super team to just completely out like way, way the fuck out there. If you’re trying to enroll your partner, don’t start with the way the fuck out there. Just don’t start with something that’s easy. Absolutely.

Céline Remy 17:05
And then remember that it’s all about fun. When you are role-playing, it’s about fun. So don’t get too lost in it. So I want to talk about that one that was really important because that comes up a lot when we work with couples, which is, what if I don’t like what my partner wants? And we see that a lot when somebody has a desire for something.

Céline Remy 17:27
They might have voiced it and the other one first response was no. And then what happens is, let’s say he said he suggested something. She said no, right away, then he started to internalize that saying, oh, there must be something wrong with me, or I’ll never get my needs met.

Céline Remy 17:43
And then she could be looking at him. Like, maybe he’s perverted. Well, maybe he’s gonna cheat on me if I don’t do that, or like, oh, no, I need to make sure like we still have the sex Awwad. So it’s, it can get really sticky there.

Kevin Anthony 17:59
Yeah. I wanted to make a quick comment. Based on what you just said, you know, I was working with a client not too long ago. And he was running into that a lot. Where any, almost any suggestion he would make, it had nothing to do with roleplay. Even, by the way, the default response from her would be no. It almost didn’t matter what he said, just hey, how about know what No, did it? No. Right?

Kevin Anthony 18:24
I just kind of wanted to say, because this is something he and I had to work through, which is, if you’re automatically getting a default response of No, no matter what it is that you’re asking, there’s something else underneath it. And that’s the point I just wanted to make here is if you’re getting no’s constantly, and sometimes the noes come before you even have a chance to fully express the idea or the task that you have.

Kevin Anthony 18:50
If that’s the case, then there’s likely something else beneath that. No, and you need to figure out what it is. So I mean, that could be a whole show in and of itself. But I just wanted to throw that out there. Because I know that a lot of guys run into that. You know, are they just like, Hey, honey, I thought maybe we got no,

Céline Remy 19:08
no. Yeah, and that’s fine. So that leads us to our sponsor ad, if you are a committed couple who is stuck in a rut and you just going through the motion, you getting a lot of no’s in your relationship. Maybe you’re not having the sex he used to be you feel like it’s mechanical, there’s no more spontaneity, and you don’t want to be stuck there. You don’t want to be an average capital.

Céline Remy 19:31
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Kevin Anthony 20:04
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Céline Remy 20:30
So what if, what if I don’t like what my partner wants? You might be wondering, and I’m like, Cool. Now number one, let’s start with what you need to do is not to say no, it’s to say thank you so much for sharing. So it’s very different. Because the first reaction you get a reaction is to run the other direction, or say no, but really, like, it took guts for your partner to share what they wanted to open up their heart and to share this really precious, vulnerable side.

Céline Remy 21:00
So start by acknowledging the fact that they indeed shared something vulnerable, thank them for trusting you enough for holding dear that piece of information. And that will already set the tone to be very, very different. Imagine if you were met with a thank you rather than a no when you share your deepest fantasies. Wow.

Kevin Anthony 21:22
Yeah, the problem is no one closes the door right away. It’s like, there’s not even discussion at that point. Whereas saying, like you may be feeling now. But you can rather than saying, No, you’re gonna be like, Okay, thank you for sharing that. Let’s talk about it. Exactly.

Céline Remy 21:37
This leads us to number two, the discussion about you want to be curious, how important is this fantasy to your partner? And you may want to ask questions, like, is this a fantasy that you want to try in real life? Or is it just something you wanted to share this idea with me? Yeah, no,

Kevin Anthony 21:58
that’s really important. I am so glad that you put that one on the list. And I’ll tell you why. Because one of the fears that come up a lot of the times with this roleplay is this is a trial run for the real thing. This comes up a lot. Well, if we do that, then the next step is you’re going to want to do the real thing.

Kevin Anthony 22:19
And that is not necessarily the case, so that’s often the woman’s fear if she’s the less adventurous as far as the roleplay is like, oh shit, if we roleplay a threesome, the next thing is he’s going to want an actual threesome. And she’s like, No way, I don’t want to go there. I don’t even want to roleplay it, because then he’s gonna want to do it. Right. It also goes the reverse way as well. In that, you know, so there’s, there’s the, I don’t really want to do that in real life.

Kevin Anthony 22:51
And then there’s the, what if she really does want to do that in real life, right? So so the flip side that happens for the man sometimes is like if we roleplay the threesome, and that involves another guy, she might actually decide that the roleplay was so good. She wants to try the real thing. And that’ll scare a lot, a lot of people too. So that’s why it’s so important to have this on here is make it clear from the beginning?

Kevin Anthony 23:17
Is this just something you want to do in fantasy? Or is this something that you would actually like to do in real life and be upfront about it? Because if you’re like, hey, you know what, I want to try this in roleplay. Because I eventually do want it in real life, you got to set that upfront. So then they can decide, I absolutely do not want to go there in real life. So I don’t even want to do this particular roleplay.

Céline Remy 23:40
Then you can ask things to like, is this a fantasy that you want me to be a part of? Or is that something you want to explore on your own? Because again, if you freaking out about the fantasy, and maybe they just wanted to explain to share that, but then do it on their own, then that’s very different. Also understand, like, what levels of involvement were you hoping to get from me?

Kevin Anthony 24:04
What elements of this will be real? And what elements of this will be simulated?

Céline Remy 24:09
It’s really to start to have a curious mind and to ask some of the good questions, you know, how central is this fantasy to your sexual expression and fulfillment? Because if it might not be something you like, but you understand that it is central to your partner’s fulfillment, you might be willing to find a way to make it work much more than it’s like, well, it just would be something nice.

Céline Remy 24:34
Something I’ve been thinking about. It’s like, well, then just go buy a Porsche. You know, like, whatever that is, but these questions will help you to understand that and also be willing to ask the question, what do you think would be like for you if you never got to play this fantasy? Like, go there with your partner? And feel the pain, feel your partner’s pain if that’s something that would be really, really sad for them?

Céline Remy 25:02
And then are you willing to let this your beloved live with that? Or do you want to help? You know? So, you know, maybe revert or rewind and listen to all the questions again, because they were very good, take some good notes for and have that discussion.

Kevin Anthony 25:18
Yeah, those questions are fantastic for starting a discussion about getting into roleplay. I mean, that’s a framework for you right there.

Céline Remy 25:29
Absolutely. And then what you want to do is also to learn and educate yourself, you know, maybe you didn’t know about that fantasy, maybe you want to go on having sometimes forearms like rabbit holes for like that you have everything you know, but research things, educate yourself, see what could be possible. And then last but not least, is there a part of the fantasy that you are into?

Céline Remy 25:56
Because oftentimes, there’s a big scenario, and sometimes we are no two parts of it. But there are places that we are yes to. And this is one of the very important things to do, as Kevin was mentioning, rather than being a know right away is like, what can I be a yes to.

Céline Remy 26:13
And that will change how you interact with one another because there is always something that we can be open to. And that way this, it feels like you meeting at least, if not halfway partway your partner, and if everybody’s making an effort, then everyone gets to get the benefits.

Kevin Anthony 26:39
Alright, so next, what if my partner finds my fantasy freaky? Ooh. Because this could potentially happen. I would say that if you have been honest and upfront in your relationship from day one, about who you are, and the types of things that you’re into, and then to like, you probably will not run into this scenario.

Kevin Anthony 27:09
However, we have seen over and over and over again, that when couples come to us, and we start talking about these types of things, there’s one partner over there, like deer in headlights going like, what they like, what they’re going to what

Céline Remy 27:27
it can happen to if you were if you got together really young, and then you’re still together congratulations. But you’ve evolved and grown and you kind of forgot to update each other.

Kevin Anthony 27:41
Right? But that’s the whole point, right? Is if you’ve had that communication and that level all along, there shouldn’t be any real freaky surprises. However, it can happen. It can happen, it does happen. And you’re right. It’s totally possible that all of a sudden, one day, somebody just decides they want something freakier than they’ve ever wanted before in their life.

Kevin Anthony 28:04
And so so that can happen. So then the question is, what do you do about it? Well, first thing is, don’t have any judgment, right? We’ve said this numerous times throughout this episode, but you got to let go of the judgment

Céline Remy 28:18
is the saying don’t Yuck, somebody else’s yum. Right. And in the bedroom, it’s important, it really is. Be willing to accept your partner. This is what unconditional love is, you know, just love them for who they are with all the kinks.

Kevin Anthony 28:32
Yeah. And keep in mind, as we’ve also said numerous times throughout this episode is that just because they want it in fantasy doesn’t mean they want it in real life. So before you freak out, like Oh, my God, You disgusting pervert. Like, ask that question, right? Is this something that you really are into? Or is it just something you want to fantasize about?

Kevin Anthony 28:54
You know, I mean, there are tons of women who fantasize about being raped. Yeah, that isn’t the fantasy. But I don’t actually know any women who really want that to happen. Right? So you know that it’s an essential question, somebody comes to you with a really freaky, you know, fantasy. Before you freak out yourself, find out is this just fantasy? Or is it something that you want in real life?

Céline Remy 29:22
And here’s the thing, like, no matter how adventurous or conventional your sex life is, if both partners don’t agree with doing something, then it stops being fun, right? And it can kind of dip into something else. So it’s important to keep the communication line open. And also understand that a lot of couples have different erotic worlds that don’t match.

Céline Remy 29:44
We don’t match on everything all the time, but you can still have a successful relationship, even if your partner has a fantasy that you really don’t get turned on by. So what you want to turn you want to shift your focus from Hey, how can I enjoy this game? to accept that it’s okay to not like something, okay? That you just don’t like what your partner likes, and to not try to force yourself into it or to try to force your partner to become somebody else.

Céline Remy 30:12
And what you need is an honest conversation. Imagine that, don’t wait until you’re having sex because it’s no worse. But honesty is more important than sugarcoating it. Because ultimately, what honesty does is that it brings you closer, it builds intimacy. And that’s really what we want. And once you feel this connection, and this intimacy, you feel the passion to

Kevin Anthony 30:37
well said,

Céline Remy 30:39
let’s get into our seven steps to role playing like a pro who

Kevin Anthony 30:47
sounds like an e-book.

Céline Remy 30:49
Maybe we will write that.

Kevin Anthony 30:52
Alright, number one, this one’s actually really important. And something we haven’t talked about at all yet really, in this episode, which is, figure out what you want. And like, and don’t censor yourself. So you can’t really have great roleplay if you don’t know what it is you like, or you want.

Céline Remy 31:10
And it requires some soul searching some time to look within and again, like accepting who you are not judging and giving yourself permission to want what you want.

Kevin Anthony 31:20
It’s like one of those funny things, right? Where you’re like, hey, let’s roleplay tonight, let’s do something totally different. Okay, what do we roleplay? About? I don’t know. Got any ideas?

Céline Remy 31:33
Let’s watch a movie, then.

Kevin Anthony 31:34
Yeah, let’s watch a movie. Right? So it’s important, like figure, like, what do you want? What do you like? What is something different that you’ve never done? And know those answers ahead of time?

Céline Remy 31:45
Yes, it’s an essential number to share it, because it’s one thing to keep it for yourself. But if you want to have the fun and the play, you gotta have a playmate, and you have to share it.

Kevin Anthony 31:57
playmates are fun.

Céline Remy 32:01
Number three, settle on the scenario. And I really like this one, I’m going to get for this one because I wanted to make sure I was gonna add some of my concept and ideas behind that. That discussion piece is so essential because the scenario can make the whole difference, and taking the time to create the scene to say,

Céline Remy 32:24
Okay, how do you want to be called? Is that your same name? What are we playing? We, okay, this is this relationship, this is what you want to do? What do you need from me? Or you need me to tell you to do this or that at some points, like, having all the details mapped out will allow you to get into character, and really enjoy the fantasy.

Kevin Anthony 32:50
Mm-hmm. And it’s important that you pre-negotiate that, yes. So that weird things don’t pop up in the middle that completely kills the role play. Right, like, well, and I know it, it sounds like yeah, of course, duh. But the reality is, is that, you know, you’ll create a whole scenario in your head of what this roleplay is going to look like. But you only communicated 50% of that to your partner.

Kevin Anthony 33:16
And then in the middle of the roleplay, you like, basically go off-script pre-negotiated script. And then somebody goes, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, and then boom totally kills the moment in the mood. So you really want to make sure that, that you settle on a scenario and you negotiate the details of that scenario ahead of time. Okay, number four. And this is part of that establishing some limits and boundaries. So this is part of that negotiation it

Céline Remy 33:43
is, but I also felt like they were different because you got to create the whole scenario. And then you’ve got to create other limits or boundaries, and they are separate. Yeah.

Kevin Anthony 33:53
So you can determine what the scenario is gonna be still relying on the storyline, and you can communicate all the different parts, so they’re no surprises, but then like, one part maybe, you know, I spank you, right, but the boundary is, I can only spank you so hard, right?

Kevin Anthony 34:11
So that you’re right, they are different in a sense that even if you knew all the details, you might be like, well, and then I’m going to do this to you. And then you’re doing it and they’re like, whoa, that’s way over the line. Yeah, but I told you, I was gonna do it. Yeah, but you didn’t say how you’re gonna do it. So that’s where the limits and boundaries get met.

Céline Remy 34:29
Number five is set the scene and that once you have all of these taken care of like you’ve discussed the scenario, the boundaries, the limits, then you can get into the scene creation. So you can do a costume but you don’t have to, but it’s more about like, okay, we’re just going to like, shake up the energy. And then as soon as we reconnect, we are going to be into our characters,

Kevin Anthony 34:56
which leads us to number six, which is to say Stay in character and don’t apologize. This is one of the things that absolutely ruins roleplay like, Okay, so now I’m going to be the bad boy, right? And I’m going to be like, Alright bitch, like do this. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to call you a bit like, No, I didn’t really mean that, like, you know, I’m just in character, right? Like, so bad legally ruins it.

Kevin Anthony 35:22
If you have pre-negotiated to be in certain characters just stay in the character now look, something goes off the rails for sure break character that you don’t have to stick with it like, you know something happened and she’s like, Oh, that really didn’t work well like break character. Are you okay? Fine, but in general, don’t do the whole like, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Céline Remy 35:45
Pro tip have a safe word like this is something we can all learn from BDSM from people who do like scenes for a living or like a lot of that is literally decider for word like if you say that word and it’s usually

Kevin Anthony 36:00
muskrat Jack was great.

Céline Remy 36:01
But no, no banana didn’t say but could be just the colors, red, yellow, yellow, meaning I’m about to get triggered, the red is like we got to stop. This will help you again to have that safety element and know that, okay, if we say read, we have to stop and pull out of the game.

Kevin Anthony 36:21
Pull out of the game. Yes. Figuratively or literally.

Céline Remy 36:27
Number seven, don’t forget to have fun. And it’s just having right now. So, of course, we cannot finish this episode without leaving you with some good ideas and roleplay scenarios that you could do. Now we’ve got a lot I don’t even know if we’re going to cover them all. But I think one thing that you can remember when it comes to role-playing most of the time, what people are looking for is a power dynamic.

Céline Remy 36:54
And is often something that’s slightly forbidden or not really the thing you would do like, you know, the screw having sex with your boss, or being at work, you know, like stuff like that. So there’s the element of that forbidden Ness as well.

Kevin Anthony 37:13
So yeah, we don’t need to go into a lot of detail on each one. But why don’t we just go like we’ll go I go when you go when and we’ll just go back and forth as we go through this because it’s kind of a long list. But number one real estate agent and potential buyer so you show up to buy the house and turns out it’s a really sexy real estate agent and it’s a really hot house and you can’t help but have sex with their

Céline Remy 37:35
stripper and its clients. No, that’s a classic that No, some are more boring than ever.

Kevin Anthony 37:42
A flight attendant and a guest in the airplane bathroom.

Céline Remy 37:45
Personal Trainer and client,

Kevin Anthony 37:48
sports coach and athletes,

Céline Remy 37:51
football player and fan or cheerleader.

Kevin Anthony 37:53
Oh, definitely a cheerleader. Oh boy. Wait, what? Okay, sure. It’s been the holidays. You can go with this one. Santa Claus and a naughty girl. That was a born line for me. Honestly, I don’t know how that got on this list. But okay, go for it

Kevin Anthony 38:19
The specialty that’s a classic. Princess and Prince Charming. Sure.

Céline Remy 38:24
Painter and muse.

Kevin Anthony 38:26
No, yeah, that is a good one. You’re posing nude for the artist? Uh-huh. You could even try and actually sketch something. Be a good laugh when you’re done. Unless you’re an artist. And in this case, you could really do it.

Céline Remy 38:37
We might try this one out.

Kevin Anthony 38:39
Yeah, that’s true. Your job well, construction where

Céline Remy 38:42
I was amused you were the drawer? The art.

Kevin Anthony 38:46
So you want to have a good laugh? Okay, we’ll try it. Construction worker and pedestrian. The masseuse and the client’s, the Butler or maid and boss.

Céline Remy 38:59
The repairman French-made Frenchman the repairman and the homeowner?

Kevin Anthony 39:05
No, that’s a classic. There’s been a lot of horror movies made by models and photographers very similar to the Muse and painter.

Céline Remy 39:14
They have remand and homeowner hockey. That’s like really getting into porn things.

Kevin Anthony 39:20
Well, it is basically role play all that far. Let’s see.

Céline Remy 39:26
teacher in schoolgirl. Yeah. Policy Officer in criminal I’m telling you like It’s like porn after porn,

Kevin Anthony 39:34
right? Your favorite movie? Yeah, you could totally act out a scene from your favorite movie.

Céline Remy 39:41
Oh, I like that. The fireman and the damsel in distress.

Kevin Anthony 39:44
Yeah, that’s a good one, huh? Strangers in a bar. What was that movie? There’s a movie we watched where it started out like that. It was two people picking each other up at a bar and they were done really convincingly. Turns out, they’ve been married for a long time and got a bunch of kids and we’re just role-playing was hysterical.

Céline Remy 40:01
But I hope this gave you some good ideas and also be creative with these scenarios. Because it could literally be like, if you choose the masseuse, and the client, it could be like something that turns you on is that I don’t know, the client faints.

Céline Remy 40:15
And then the masseuse has to, like, give a mouth to mouth resuscitation, like I don’t know, like, you can get very creative with different things beyond just oh, you massage a lot of

Kevin Anthony 40:26
creativity.

Céline Remy 40:29
And, and again, it’s about letting your creativity be free because that will allow your sexual energy to flow. And if there’s only one thing that you taking away from today’s short episode is that role-playing can help you touch this energy within yourself again, and it’s a safe way to play with your partner and to create some novelty, some excitement with something old.

Kevin Anthony 40:57
Alright, so your homework then is to try out role-playing at least once and see how it goes. And come back and let us know in the comments how it went for you. Or email us. We would love to know how this worked for you. All right, everybody. That’s all the time we have for this episode. And we will see you next week. We hope you like this episode of the Love Lab podcast. If you enjoy this show, subscribe. Leave us a review and share it with your friends.

Céline Remy 41:33
And for more free exclusive content. Join us in the passion vault at kevinanthonycoaching.com/vault.

Kevin Anthony 41:47
Thanks for listening. And remember, you’re amazing